Garcia is a Professional Trainer and Coach for people ready to move forward after ending their abusive relationship.
Be Your Incredible Self is a coaching and mentorship program that teaches what Post Traumatic Growth is and provides the tools and habits that promote positive intelligence, self-awareness, and control over your triggers! Dealing with trauma since a fetus and extreme circumstances throughout life, Garcia brings boots-on-the-ground grunt work wisdom.
In this episode, Garcia shared how she adapted to my ever-changing environment after being abandoned as a tiny toddler.
She talks about how she serves those struggling with a blanket of self-doubts and is committed to confronting themselves to conquer their sabotaging belief system after experiencing a toxic relationship.
Throughout her life, she experienced being broken several times and struggled with internal battles.
Beyond that, Garcia talks about transforming one’s mindset to bring self-awareness, control over their triggers, and change the tone of their inner critic. She navigates multiple strategies to banish self-destructive behaviors and create daily habits to promote a lifelong post-traumatic growth journey.
A. Garcia’s story is a powerful, spiritual, and transformational testament of one who has lived out the pathway of navigating adverse life events and emerged to a life of peace, prosperity, and purpose.
Episode ___ of The Beyond Adversity Podcast is a must-listen for anyone who experienced trauma and is looking for an inspirational story of a woman who succeeded despite much adversity and has a plan and shares her plan for others to do the same.
“The Beyond Adversity Podcast with Dr. Brad Miller is published weekly with the mission of helping people “Grow Through What They Go Through” as they navigate adversity and discover their promised life of peace, prosperity, and purpose. https://beyourincredibleself.com/ |
Oh, absolutely. I have learned that you need to have positive conversations in the mirror. You talk to yourself and about yourself when you're not looking at yourself. And therefore, it makes it easier to be on that bitter side. But when you look at yourself in the mirror, and you try to save those negative comments or affirmations, it's hard because you know yourself.::
Better than anybody else and to the core that you deserve to be loved and respected and who you genuinely want to be and want to feel.::
But I’m going to push back with you just a little bit that way. I'm assuming here, will you help me out here, that you had to do a lot of intentional self-talk and work on that? Because the messages you were getting from your family life and relationships were not what you were saying, there was not that positive thing. It was something else. It was negative, hurtful, painful, and destructive. So, you had to push yourself, didn't you? To really make that. Help me out.::
That's right. And let me tell you that it started with my mother abandoning me, right? Because I had to say to myself because she did what she did, I may not know how to be a great mom because I didn't have one, but I surely know what type of mom I’m not going to be.::
Ok. Yeah. Ok.::
Because I have such a terrible one, you understand?::
So, you reversed the process, as it were, for in your case, you knew what not to do. So that's a great thing.::
That's right. That's right.::
But I also say, as you mentioned here, something a couple of times that I want to go with you just a little bit here. You mentioned a little bit about prayer and some things like that. Tell me about any role at all that connecting to a higher power or spiritual plane had anything to do with helping you to get through to navigate all this trauma.::
Absolutely. So, during my teenage years, I think I went to every church in the city to seek to feel where the word resonated with me. Where because I saw so many game bangers at church that were out on the street the night before. And then they're here, they are in church the next day, and I'm like, "OK, what the heck is this,"?::
There's a little credibility issue there, huh? Ok.::
That's a big eye-opener when you see stuff like that. But we're taught any evil being can walk into the place of worship, and let's work through it, right? But I continuously sought out because I knew that just because my mother abandoned me and just because my dad checked out and didn't have any time to spend or share or give to me, I connected at a young age, I would have to say knowing that there was something for me. And I did have grandparents when I was young, and they did drag me to their church or some time.::
And so, I was familiar with prayer and all that at a younger age. But again, in my teenage years, I'm seeking it differently for myself, not based on somebody else's decision, and I did find a place I called home. And I was very committed to that. And that's what made me question why I was in that predicament. Knowing who I had become spiritually at that time in my life, I had forgiven my mother, and I had forgiven my father. I'm clearing my baggage out so I can be the parent I want to be, not just for my daughter but now for my expanding family.::
So, because I didn't have a family. Family was very important to me; I always wanted to have a healthy family. So, I was trying to give my best. So, to be completely devastated then, the world flipped upside down and stripped down to nothing. Of course, I was on my knees questioning what? How? And I would have to say honestly no just out of survival, but also out of desperation. I only spent about three days non-stop doing that. After day three, I completely decided to say, "OK, I know my job is to endure. I understand. We're not giving more than we can handle. I am now no longer asking questions. I am pleading for the strength and the wisdom to do what I need to do so it can be done. Because I need to protect and provide for my children, and I have no clue how this will happen."::
Well, that's awesome to hear you say that because you understood then that this was not a cosmic vending machine. Instead, you said, God, give me the strength to get through this. And that's an important lesson you're teaching us here today. Again, that is to be sustained through trauma and drama; you must gain strength from all levels. You knew you didn't want to be with your mom. So, you knew that at least some clue about being A good parent meant we're going to be the opposite of what your mom was. You had drawn a few little strands here from your grandparents and some through to things like that.::
But you knew that this was going to be a partnership deal, and now you're starting to work through this to help other people. And so, thank you for sharing that; that's important. It's important for people to hear that this isn't always sweetness and light. This is a struggle, and you asked for strength to get through that. Now you're teaching other people, you have this whole process here about being your incredible self, and you talk about a trauma-driven response, focus, self-awareness, and control of your life. You're teaching other people to do these things. So, tell us a little bit about what you're doing now. You've got through these things, all these traumas. What are some of the habits? What are some of the strategies? What are you teaching people who come to you for help today?::
Oh my gosh, well, first and foremost, when I said that positive talk in the mirror and all that, we first identify what your inner voice sounds like. I ask, is it an inner voice, or is it an inner critic? What are you saying to yourself? And what makes it a little bit fun, even though this is not a fun topic, is that we're on the topic of post-traumatic growth, growing is fun, and sometimes we need to confront the things we want to conquer. So, I will ask people, and I'm doing this now. So, our listeners can maybe do this exercise to::
Grasp how this works, right? Only you know what your inner voice or inner critic sounds like. And I ask people, can you please bring that voice out? I want to hear what it sounds like I want to hear it. And you'll be surprised by how many people are like, "oh my gosh, there's no way I’m going to do that" because it's awkward. I know mine sounded ugly.::
They don't want to say that their inner critic is right there, not too far from the surface or anybody. But once it comes out, boom, because sometimes it can erupt, can't it?::
That's right. And there's a thing called positive intelligence. And when you have positive intelligence, which I teach about also, and I'll just give a quick breakdown when you're having that inner critic come out, and it's ugly, your positive intelligence kicks in, so it can intercept it.::
And you're not spending 20 minutes, 30 minutes, or half a day on it. Instead, you're intercepting it within the first five minutes, and you can replace it with that positive. So, it takes 6 to 12 months to break a bad habit. It takes 21 to 28 days to create a new habit. So, I like to implement positive habits daily, starting with journaling and to talk. And by day 45, your daily habits are now conditioned behaviors. So, you can feel your physiological change within to identify when you're being triggered and when you're ready to have negative outbreaks because you have a physiological change that occurs. Some of us don't even realize that. And I love giving the example of a positive trigger, which is thinking of your favorite song suddenly, your body starts moving. You have a physiological change.::
Well, you've also got this excellent process here, and it deals with some fundamentally sound life transformation processes which have to do with getting the ugliness out. You have got to get it out to deal with it. You can slay the dragon, and sometimes what I say, and you got to get it out, and then you have to intercept it. I love the way you use that terminology, intercept that and then replace it with the good stuff; even if you don't completely believe it at first, still give yourself that self-talk, and that gives us on this pathway here about this. So, you love and care for people who've gone through traumatic experiences, and you're dedicated to them, right?::
I am because there is a way to pull the positive from it, no matter what, and as soon as you can embrace that positive, the negative kind of fades away, and it becomes a part of you that you shine from. You want to either use that experience, like I said, to heal within or to help others heal through their journey. Because, again, PTSD and the trauma hit us all differently, but we're all trying to find A better way to cope. And we're all trying to find a better way to level up. So, one of the other things that I strongly encourage folks to do, and it's a part of my program as well, is what are your definitions of being smart? What are your definitions of being strong? Everybody has a different definition of that. And when people can write down their definitions, are you walking in your definition? If you're not walking in your definition, there you are, identifying a gap, which is probably causing you to be short-tempered or triggered, or these things that you want to overcome, and I hate to say outgrow, but that's a part of it.::
Yeah, but to process the growth, you must grow through what you go through in the sense that you have to keep moving here. But the temptation and the draw are to go back to the malaise of mediocrity, which draws you back into that bad place. So, what you're giving people here are some tools to use, which is wonderful. I appreciate you sharing that because the whole thing about domestic violence is an epidemic. It is a problem.::
And since COVID-19 has caused a pandemic within a pandemic, you do not want to get me started on corporations and how they are not helping their employees. Because when they are mandated to work from home, but home is their toxic environment, how are they helping? What are they doing? They have EAP programs for alcoholics, porn addicts, and gamblers. But what do they have for real-time victims?::
It's a problem. And you're offering something here for people. And that's a helpful thing. I want to get into exactly what it is in a second. But first, tell us about I'd like to hear a testimonial. What I mean by that is somebody you've worked with or helped—no names, of course. But the scenario about a situation where you've seen someone you've worked with, they've come in, and they're in a bad place, maybe similar to where you were at one time and what you've been able to serve them through Be Your Incredible Self program. It has been helpful. Tell us a story.::
There was a woman. She's a mother of an adult child going through the judicial system, which is not the fairest. And what I did was guide her to resources and help her understand the difference between what you can control and what you cannot control, not just for her daughter's situation but for her as the mother. Because as a mom, she's trying so hard to help her daughter, but her daughter's doing her own thing, and me understanding as a mom, how passionate you can be to serve, protect, give, and provide love for your child.::
At the end of the day, they're going to make their decisions and do their thing. So, for that mother, she took complete responsibility for what her daughter was going through. And it wasn't because she had exposed her daughter to that in her younger years. It's just something that she figured out as she got older. I coached the mom and was able to have the clarity around, it not being her fault, her not taking on the weight of that victim.::
I don't want to say mindset, but that heavyweight of feeling like the victim taking that from her daughter and carrying that herself. And that's one thing I want to talk about quick, too, is that you're a victim when things are occurring that are not directed to you and that you don't have control over. And you're just taking the blame and trying to figure out what you could do differently or how things could have been different. If you were doing something different, you realize you were victimized when you accept that you had no control over what happened, that you had no control over what somebody else did or what their decisions were.::
It's a transition from being a victim to being victimized, and I truly helped her to see that. Even though she wasn't the victim, she was carrying all of that. And so, I coached her through all of that. And again, seeing the clarity, understanding the influence that she has on her daughter, understanding the influence that her daughter has on her, in order for her to have the courage to again look at herself in the mirror and have that positive conversation with her, to build that trust back within because whether you're a mom, whether you're the recipient, no matter who you are when you're going through that turmoil of mental and emotional warfare, right? It's understanding and taking responsibility for trusting yourself. It has nothing to do with how I can push outward.::
Yeah, you sound like you helped this woman gain some clarity about the circumstances that can help her then process it. A big part of what you are about, A, is helping people gain clarity, and a lot of what your program is about is helping people define and become their incredible selves. So, take a moment to tell us how people can be in contact with you and learn what you're about to gain clarity in their circumstances.::
Well, thank you for asking. I want to tell you that I am helping that mother. I know that it trickled down to her daughter. So, it wasn't just helping that one person. When you are your incredible self, you're giving the best version of yourself to the ones that you love also. And so, you can find me at beyourincredibleself.com, all spelled correctly. I am on Facebook and IG. I am fairly new to social media because, as a survivor of a double attempted homicide and raising my kids by myself, I chose to stay off social media for privacy and protection. And now, with their blessings, I am sharing my story and encouraging others. Because the statistics are one out of three women, and one out of seven men, I'm talking to so many people that have swept it under the rug and are choosing not to confront it.::
It's a brutal thing. I've dealt with the many times with my ministry at 40 years as a pastor with that many times and circumstances, and it's a tough thing, and so you're offering an incredibly important service here, A, and I thank you for doing that. And we'll put connections to everything she mentioned here in our show notes at doctorbradmiller.com and to share with you, A. Garcia. Her program is called Be Your Incredible Self. And she also has a not-for-profit confronting domestic violence. There is a lot of good stuff here and a lot of helpful things. And I admire you for what you've done. I say I'm sorry for what you've gone through in your life. I admire how you have become a person as an advocate and a strong advocate. For not only your circumstance, your children, your own life, and others as well in such a need. So, we thank you for being our guest today. Our guest today, A. Garcia from Be Your Incredible Self, here on the Beyond Adversity program. Thank you for being our guest.