Angie Reed is a life coach and author of "Identity Crisis". She has the latest book that talks about overcoming challenges in life, family, and her career in dealing with the impact of stroke called "Invisible Scars".

In this episode, Angie shared her life story and growing up with her stepfather Charlie whom he treasured most of her time with laughter on his sense of humor and dad jokes during her formative years. He died when she was 15 in 1985 but he never let her down in looking to the bright side of things in life until he had cancer and died later.

This helped Angie grow up and face challenges with her family and career until she had an ischemic stroke. She was a healthy and active woman but woke up one morning and got confused as to why she had a problem getting up that day just to get to work and do things normally every day. She ended up at the hospital in the emergency room where she went through the process of a stroke treatment.

Angie went to therapy and physical recovery. Even with her fast recovery, she still has to deal with her brain and mental issues which she was having a hard time coping with her work as a writer. She felt more anxious and depressed about her health. Until her sister and family stepped in to help her deal with psychiatric treatment and went through group therapy.

Angie recalls her stepfather as she was facing the same life experience in stroke just like Charlie, as she was fond of him being in happy moments even in bad situations. Charlie had also a leg amputated but he never stopped telling jokes to her and his family which inspired Angie to be optimistic and see herself just like her stepfather being a happy soul, loving character, and humor.

Angie wrote " Invisible Scars" to help stroke survivors and share awareness on how to deal with physical, and mental health and especially with post-stroke anxiety and depression.

In this book, she wanted to share with other stroke survivors to how get through the post-stroke situation and journey by having positive thinking, time, and healing by not having oneself stuck in depression. A daily routine that helps in the process by not staying in bed but getting out of bed. Just start each day with a plan of action on how to face life by having hopes and dreams

Episode 17 of The Cancer Comedy Podcast is a must-listen for anyone going through adversity, losing sight of the future, and slowly drowning in negative emotions. Angie's story reminds us that in every bad situation, there’s always good that comes out of it. We need to persevere, stay positive, have faith in God, and take action.

https://www.angiereadbooks.online/

https://www.facebook.com/angiereadbooks

https://www.linkedin.com/in/angieread/

[00:00:21] Brad: She's also a life coach. Uh, Angie Reed, welcome. Uh, welcome to our conversation today. Oh, thanks

[00:00:30] Brad: You mentioned to me about a stepfather who really touched your life and kind of, um, helped you kind of set the tone in your life to see things in a life a little differently than the, uh, than a present bad circumstance.

[00:00:50] Angie: My stepfather came into my life when I was. And then we had him for six years and, but he passed away from cancer, [00:01:00] um, in the, in 1985. So I was 15 and so it was very formative years that he was a part of my life and he was such an important, important person in my life.

[00:01:36] Angie: So he had to have his leg amputated up above his hip bone. And so had to, you know, walk with crutches. He wasn't able to get a prosthetic fitted, um, but he always had his crutches with him, even if he was lying in the hospital bed in our living room, which is where he, we had him for most of the time. So he could be a part of the family activity and the comings and goings instead of back in his [00:02:00] bedroom.

[00:02:10] Brad: Did you find that, did you find, was your, were you annoyed by that or was it just, uh, there's Charlie again or whatever that kind of thing?

[00:02:18] Angie: Well, you'd think I would be annoyed as a teenager. Um, but no, it always made me laugh. And I just, I always loved the fact that he was able to bring humor to, to some pretty. Horrible situations. Um, he always had the best sense of not only humor, but just always looking at the bright side of things and helping me like, look at the bright side of things when I was, when I was younger and growing up, and I think that that set the tone for the rest of my life.

[00:03:13] Brad: So, uh,

[00:03:35] Angie: Work like I normally did, but I couldn't get out of bed. It was very confusing. I mean, at the time it's like, why am I not able to get out of bed? And I was jerking the bed a little bit, trying to get myself up and out of the bed, your mind isn't processing like, Oh, Hey, my left side isn't working. So I'm not able to get up.

[00:04:13] Angie: And then he was kind of confused and he said, well, you sound drunk. I'm going to get up. He got up and turned on the light and saw that the left side of my face was had the telltale signs of a stroke drooping. And so called 9 1 1 and I just went through all the process of going to the emergency room and then being taken to a specialty hospital here in Kansas City, uh, St.

[00:04:55] Angie: It was a life saving surgery to be sure with probably within an hour of [00:05:00] my husband noticing my symptoms. I don't know how long it was after that, but it was very shortly after that. I was in the ICU, the neuro ICU, and the nurse was asking me to raise my left arm and I was able to raise it, which was crazy because it just like felt like minutes before I had no.

[00:05:35] Brad: What a shock, you know, what a shock to not only you, but your husband and you.

[00:05:49] Angie: Yeah. The first thing on my mind that morning, which is crazy was I have to call in to work, I have to call in and let them know I'm not going to be there.

[00:06:20] Angie: Um, this is how much of a work drive I had. And, um, and then I was concerned about my kids. My middle son, who was gosh, he was 16 at the time, came out of his room just as the paramedics were taking me down the stairs. And so that had to have been. For him, of course, and then my daughter who was going into eighth grade was slept through the whole thing and didn't have that, you know, experience and wasn't didn't have to watch.

[00:06:53] Angie: I can only imagine that those memories are kind of singed into their brains because I know some of my memories from my stepdad [00:07:00] going through his cancer treatment and cancer, you know, all of the, the craziness that came along with this treatment and being in hospice in the house and all of that is burned in my brain.

[00:07:10] Brad: yeah, there's sadness enveloped with shock and enveloped with, um, the upheaval of your. life and you're concerned about your kids. You're concerned about your work at the, at, at the time. And, uh, and that your body is just shutting down and they had to go through these, I mean, my goodness, dramatic procedures within a very short timeframe after.

[00:07:57] Brad: How did that play out for you the recovery [00:08:00] of those?

[00:08:27] Angie: And so that was, that became my full time job because I was on disability at the time and I was focused on getting back to me, getting all my strength back and just being physically recovered because at the time I thought that was the only thing that I needed to do. It was the mental health problems that I experienced a few months later.

[00:09:09] Angie: I felt fine. I looked fine. I did not look like I had had a

[00:09:19] Angie: back to work. Yeah, this was about eight weeks. I, you know, I didn't, I hadn't challenged my brain like you do when you're at work those whole eight weeks, it was all about the physical recovery.

[00:09:53] Angie: And it was, it was kind of jarring and shocking to me because I thought I was ready, I thought I was fully healed. [00:10:00] And then I just started getting kind of some panic attacks and feeling like I was, um, when I was going to work that I was. A failure and feeling that I was not good enough anymore and that something was wrong with me.

[00:10:35] Angie: And by Thanksgiving, I was just a shell of myself. I was going through. Horrible anxiety and depression, although at the time I didn't know that's what they were. Um, but there are two conditions called post stroke anxiety, PSA, and post stroke depression, PSD, that are very common among stroke survivors, but they don't really talk about this in the [00:11:00] hospital or in this.

[00:11:27] Angie: I was convinced that I would be fired and then I would be a laughing stock. And just, I, like all my worst fears, I was convinced they were happening.

[00:11:51] Brad: You were having some unfounded type of fears. Is this anywhere close to where you were at? Very much

[00:12:09] Angie: And this is somebody else and something very serious is happening here. So actually my sister stepped in to help get some intervention. Um, I started seeing a psychiatrist who helped me find, um, like a medical regimen of psychiatric meds to help me control my anxiety and depression. But, um, first step really, I had to be admitted to inpatient psychiatric care twice.

[00:13:05] Angie: This is not the legacy of Angie Reed. This is, I just can't do this. I can't do this. And so I didn't, and it scared me. So much so afterwards that I was just like, how does a person like me, a very positive, upbeat person go from being normal to being in this dark place? And. And I, and then I understood why people do take their own lives, because if you can't, your brain is lying to you.

[00:14:02] Angie: That program saved my life. It seemed like

[00:14:41] Brad: So that's good. And then you took some pretty massive action. You know, you said you were hospitalized and went through this deep therapy and that type of thing. And, and that's, That's important because not everybody does that. And I think one of the things I want to want us to understand and hear from your story is you can go to these deep places, [00:15:00] deep, dark places.

[00:15:24] Angie: First saw my psychiatrist. He said, we will get you through this. We will solve this. And just his certainty about that just made me go, okay. Yeah, I trust him. I, I, this is. A nice guy comes highly recommended and he's telling me we will get through it. And he said, we, so I knew I had a team. Um, my sister, one of my sisters went with me to that first appointment.

[00:16:14] Angie: They saw me in crisis. They jumped in to help rescue me. Also my husband, I mean, he was watching something that he had never seen before. He had never witnessed somebody going through such psychiatric, you know, craziness and, um. He was scared. He was really scared because he felt like he was losing his wife.

[00:16:54] Brad: lives. You had a dramatic change of personality as you said a couple times in our conversation You weren't really [00:17:00] the same Angie you were prior to the stroke.

[00:17:11] Angie: But until you're truly tested it's hard to know I mean I was down I was so, so sick with anything. If you have a physical ailment, like a broken bone, you will go to the doctor and have it set now with mental illness, so many people just see themselves as a personal failure or see it as a personal, just a problem that they're having, not something that they, not something that they need medical help.

[00:17:58] Brad: Well, I love that you did that. You [00:18:00] took action for yourself. You took, um, charge of your health, your mental health and your physical health. And you sought out, you know, professional advice and you also leaned in a little bit to family, your sisters, you mentioned husband, your children, all that's good. But then you did something, then you did something about it in terms of, um, Being something productive out of this process.

[00:00:00] Brad: We're back with Angie Reed and we're talking to her about her life experiences and dealing with, uh, her own medical crisis of overcoming and dealing with, um, the impact of a stroke in her life, which has led her to a really being in a person who's really focused in on healing and wholeness and mental health and all aspects of this.

[00:00:58] Angie: you.

[00:01:21] Angie: And things that you might not otherwise find humor in and like to make me laugh and, and smile and was always telling silly dad jokes before anyone called it that, but, um, found a way to use humor to get, I think, just to get through the crisis. And there were a couple of stories, really funny. My mom told me the other day, at some point when he was sick, somebody asked him, and I don't know why, I don't know what the context was leading up to it, but they asked him how many pairs of shoes he owned.

[00:02:05] Brad: pair. So cool and insightful and. Kind of biting in a way, wasn't it? You know, just

[00:02:17] Angie: And he said, well, at least it wasn't that bad for me.

[00:02:42] Brad: That helps even now carry you through some of these crises that you've been through some of those memories and those applicable principles that you take with you even now. And you've had these. crisis with your health, uh, with your stroke and then, uh, some career crises as well. And [00:03:00] you've responded by writing and sharing, uh, your book is called Invisible Scars.

[00:03:09] Angie: I was writing it, I just realized it just, the story just kept growing and growing and I just had more to say. And I really. It kind of morphed into something that I wanted to be able to use to help other stroke survivors who may have been going through what I did.

[00:03:50] Angie: And. I had always been a very happy, positive person, had never really struggled with anxiety or depression before. About two months after my stroke, I [00:04:00] went back to work and I thought I was ready to go. I didn't look like a stroke survivor. I didn't have the physical deficits that you typically associate.

[00:04:26] Brad: from the stroke.

[00:04:41] Angie: was, and as somebody who typically does try to find the humor or does try to look on the bright side of things, I was unable to find any brightness during that time.

[00:05:21] Angie: Well, let's

[00:05:28] Angie: First, just give yourself time. You're not going to boil the ocean in a day and a brain injury will take time to heal from. Mental health wise, there are so many things that you can do to get yourself out of a rut.

[00:06:03] Angie: Don't do that. It's hard to face every day. It's not easy, but get out of bed, open your windows, look at the sunshine, hope to just start each day with a plan of action, knowing what you've got on your plate that day and follow through on your commitments, stick to your routine. But I think there's just something therapeutic about writing something out.

[00:06:48] Brad: paper.

[00:07:13] Brad: So.

[00:07:31] Angie: And I was so closely aligned with my career and what I did for a living that I, when I had my stroke and thought it was taken away from me, I wasn't sure what my. What my next chapter was, I didn't know if I, you know, had a purpose anymore in the world. I, I was too closely aligned to my career. Now I can see that hindsight is 2020, but I was too closely aligned to achievements, accomplishments, and career, you know, [00:08:00] career acknowledgement.

[00:08:26] Angie: I could not rely only on my career to, to give me fulfillment. And don't get me wrong. I'm a mom. I have three kids. And I, of course, my identity and so much of what brings me fulfillment is being a mom and, um, that's a big part of my identity too, but my kids were a bit older when I had my stroke, so I was no longer mommy.

[00:09:00] Brad: People are wrapped up in their life, and when a stroke happens, or cancer happens, or you lose a job, or any number of things like that, it is a disruption of everything, and much of it related to who you identify as.

[00:09:32] Brad: Your workplace, your family relationships, your marriages, all that kind of thing are impacted. And, uh, in the context of what you shared here, what are some lessons learned for that person out there who may be going through their own identity crisis?

[00:09:49] Angie: If someone were to ask you who you are, or to tell me more about you, and you were not allowed to mention your career in any way, shape, or form, or your title, your professional title, how would you [00:10:00] describe yourself? And that's kind of challenging for most people, honestly. And it's still challenging for me, but I try.

[00:10:25] Angie: Actually more than a few things. I start every day by writing out 10 things I'm grateful for and 10 things I'm really good at.

[00:10:40] Angie: Today I'm grateful for sunshine coming our way.

[00:11:02] Brad: What are a couple things that you're good at that you put down today?

[00:11:27] Angie: And I think that goes back to, you know, losing Charlie at such a, an impressionable age, I was 15 going on 16. I

[00:11:55] Brad: I call it the grim, you know, the grim parts of life. What we [00:12:00] are kind of catchphrase for our podcast is turn the grim to a grin, which is just joyful life. And, uh, But you've got to be very intentional about it. And the intentionality you've mentioned here is those affirmations that, because the basic message we often get is often kind of bad news or negativity, whether it's in the news or in our own life.

[00:12:37] Brad: Does that make any sense to you and kind of what you've been teaching and all about?

[00:12:57] Angie: You know, how do I see it today? But honestly with the [00:13:00] news being 95 percent negative Yes Sometimes it's better to not turn on the news in the morning or not Necessarily to read the paper first thing in the morning. Don't you don't need to start your day off with the horrible Start your day off with the positive.

[00:13:26] Brad: So you mentioned several practical steps and let's, I'd love to do this, Angie, several practical how to steps for our, our listeners to, to do meditation, journaling, the, you know, uh.

[00:14:23] Brad: Yeah, he's the loud mouth in the stands, you know, that kind of stuff. I was known that way. You know, if you see what I'm saying, that's exactly some of that's cool, but the point is we still need our own identity. We are not. You know, uh, I have a title, I have an earned doctorate, it's on, you know, I keep it on my wall back there, but it's not who I am, you know, uh, I have, I was a pastor for 43 years, but that's not exactly who I am.

[00:15:01] Angie: flourish. Yeah. And you're absolutely right. Like to be happy, you have to peel away some of those layers of the external.

[00:15:35] Angie: You're right. We, so much of what's externally happening in our world impacts what we, what we think is our happiness, but we're really in control of our own happiness if we do some of these other things and really look within, uh, I have more tips too, besides journaling, meditating, routine, exercise is very important too.

[00:16:09] Brad: Hey, if you're breathing, you can do something and I even, you know, if you can fog a mirror, I just tell people even towards the end of life, you know, uh, sometimes I say, you know, just kind of focus on your breathing.

[00:16:39] Brad: There's always something you can do as long as there's, you know, something firing in there, your brain there and in your heart and your head and, and your, your soul. But you mentioned here, Angie, about how one of the things that, uh. Pumps you up and jazzes you up is coaching and helping being helpful to people.

[00:17:11] Angie: you I I want people to acknowledge trauma in their life and if they're going through a hard time you don't have to put on a happy face and pretend everything's okay.

[00:17:42] Angie: What is your big why? Whether that's your kids, your grandkids, you know, leaving a legacy for your family. That's, that's one of my big things is, um, in my darkest time. Um, after my stroke, when I was having mental health crisis, I did go through a period where I considered taking my own life, but [00:18:00] I thought this is not the legacy I'm supposed to leave.

[00:18:20] Angie: It's called success stacking. Remind you of all the different things you've been successful at over your life, and it could be as small as passing a, a, a class in school or something, and you can just write it out and write out your successes in a stack. So you can see throughout your life. You have been successful.

[00:18:45] Brad: that's uh, that's awesome. I love that finding your your big why and building on that stacking on that. I love that. I just got a feeling when people come to you. It's a good thing. It's a good, it's a, it's a good thing.

[00:19:21] Brad: And sometimes going back to, Those members are the things help bring you back a little bit. I know you said you had a story you wanted to to share about

[00:19:36] Brad: But we say poke fun, you mean he physically would poke you or you know, say something snarky to you?

[00:20:02] Angie: So as much as we could, we kept him in the living room until it became the very, very end and he needed to be away, um, in his room. But he used to just, I'd be sitting on the ground watching TV and he would. Poke his little crutch over under my armpit and make me laugh. And it was just like, Oh, Charlie. Um, there were other times when I, I was the ugly duckling growing up.

[00:20:45] Angie: But, um, I was feeling really down on myself thinking, I'm not pretty. I'm kind of chubby and I'm never going to have dates like my sisters do. And, and feeling just very down on myself and he must've known, he [00:21:00] must've sensed it. He came downstairs and just started talking to me and said, I remember he said something about, he told me the ugly duckling story and he said, you will turn into that swan someday.

[00:21:36] Brad: probably every, whenever you hear, uh, if, if you get poked or if somebody does a poke emotion or whatever, I get, I bet you that kind of brings back some, uh, memories, uh, for you about. Uh, the good kind of being poked, you know, uh, not provoked, but, uh, but poked, but, but poked in terms of being kind of tickled or kind of, uh, or a memory of that good thing and how he, uh, I [00:22:00] love stories of transformation and that's, uh, the ugly duckling to the beautiful swan is kind of a classic story of that.

[00:22:28] Brad: And I want to say, you know, yeah, God, I admire that so much because it takes so much for someone to be that vulnerable to put it out in books and to share and podcasts and things like that. That is an amazing thing. And that is a gift to others. That's the kind of thing, Angie, that helps other people to have that opportunity to have that message of, uh, of affirmation that you share here, that, you know, transformation from ugly duckling to something beautiful.

[00:23:03] Angie: Yeah, all my books are available on Amazon and you can look up Angie Reid. It's R E A D. And so all of my books are listed under my author page, but you can also look them up individually.

[00:23:39] Angie: Can't bring themselves to read a longer book. And, uh, it's very, you know, some of the things that I did that helped me on my journey. So I document those and I call them hacks. And then my latest book is Identity Crisis. You are not your career.

[00:24:08] Brad: Her books that we've talked about here today are Invisible Scars at Identity Crisis. She is author Angie Reed, who will put connections to everything she is all about at CancerAndComedy. com. Angie Reed, thanks for being our guest today on Cancer and Comedy.[00:25:00]