What is it like to go into the holiday season when grieving the loss of a loved one? How do we honour and remember people who are no longer with us? In this episode, I remember my dad, Leonides Tungohan - or Boyet - for short. With special guests, Winifred and Georgina, we talk about our wishes for the holidays, how we’re feeling, and our favourite memories of Boyet. 

Thanks for listening! Get more information, support the show, and read all the transcripts at academicaunties.com. Get in touch with Academic Aunties on Bluesky at @AcademicAunties.com or by e-mail at podcast@academicaunties.com.

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Georgina: Dah dah dah dah dah dah dah dah dah dah dah dah dah dah dah dah dah It's Georgie and Freddie's Christmas We can say goodbye to ...I forgotten... Academic Aunties we can even See it again, next year, or, or tomorrow. Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da.

Ethel Tungohan: My name is Dr. Ethel Tungohan. I'm a writer, a researcher, an activist, and an associate professor of politics. This is Academic Aunties. It's December, and for many, it's a time when our thoughts turn to family. And in particular, my thoughts this week keep turning to my dad, Leonidas Fulgeras Tungohan, or Boyet for short.

He loved music and was a lifelong Beatles superfan. He loved reading and writing, debating and watching the news, and in his youth, he loved playing basketball, table tennis, and pool. For his whole life, my dad had to keep struggling. As a third son, my grandparents didn't have the resources to pay for him to go to school, so he had to work hard, scrimp, save, and get scholarships.

When he was a scholarship student at the University of the Philippines, he told me that he didn't even have the funds to get a pillowcase, and so he wrapped his pillow in a plastic bag. Education was a route out of financial precarity, and so he studied hard. After finishing a degree in political science, Boyett received a scholarship to do a PhD in political science at Harvard University, which he declined in order to go to law school.

Boyett loved debating and politics, both of which I also love, in many ways, I like to think that I am leading the life that he might have led if he had opted to pursue graduate studies in the U. S., seeing that I am now currently a political science professor. Boyd had a long and fulfilling career as a lawyer, first in the Philippines, then in Hong Kong as the International Legal Counsel for San Miguel Corporation, and finally in Canada.

Our time in Canada, at least initially, was short. was hard. I probably still bear the scars of those traumatic years of watching my parents go through de skilling and de professionalization. It was heartbreaking to see my dad apply for jobs but get rejected because his work experience and his degrees didn't count.

It was hard to move to a new place without any close relatives and try to find our footing. It was painful for me to see the way some people reacted to my dad. They didn't see him, but seemed to dismiss him as a man of color who spoke English with an accent. These many experiences of discrimination were corrosive, but these did not define Boyett.

Instead, he did what many other immigrants had to do. He had to regain his accreditation to practice his profession in Canada, which was a long, challenging, and emotionally fraught process. I was so proud of my dad for persevering in the face of structural racism. Getting called to the bar in British Columbia was one of his proudest moments.

Boyette had to fight hard to be able to practice the profession he loved. And in truth, seeing him go through so much just to get his credentials recognized, including watching so many gatekeepers act as though he wasn't good enough to practice law in Canada, drives me to try to dismantle the same barriers that prevent immigrant and racialized groups from succeeding in academia.

In many ways, academic antis is also a tribute to my dad. My dad and I had lengthy discussions and debates about issues of structural racism. He was sharply aware of the ongoing effects of colonialism and how colonialism affect people's lives. I miss having conversations with my dad. My dad was actually my first debating partner.

I remember one such discussion that lasted for hours when we were debating multiculturalism and immigration policy. I can't remember who took what side, but we just talked and talked and talked and talked and talked. Another debate that the two of us had was on who was at fault. In Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt's divorce, my dad took Brad Pitt's side, speculating that of course it made sense that Brad Pitt would want to divorce Jennifer because Jennifer, according to him, did not want to have children.

I, along with my mom, was incensed. Our point was that women were not obligated to have children and that if indeed Brad Pitt divorced Jennifer because of this, then good riddance to him. The three of us, my mom, my dad, and I were having this argument in our car. And when we arrived home, we slammed our doors and retreated to individual corners in our house to lick our wounds.

Of course, we later came together and laughed about how ridiculous we were all acting. And by the way, my love for pop culture also comes from Boyet. It comes from my dad. I have so many memories of my dad. Some painful, but mostly good. A lot of these memories would seem fairly mundane, but when considered as a whole, they are laden with significance, because these showed how much love he had for me, for my mom, for my brother, and his grandkids.

This is where my kids, Winifred and Georgina, come in. With my dad's birthday coming up, Freddie, Georgie, Nguyen, and I have been talking a lot about how we're feeling. In previous years, we would have had a huge dinner and a cake to celebrate my dad's birthday. But this year is different because he won't be here.

To honor my dad, my children's beloved nonna, I thought that I'd have Freddie and Georgie as special academic auntie guests. to talk to me about the holidays, about their wish lists, and about grief. Talking about Nono, remembering a song that Nono likes, dishes that he loves, his quirks and his habits, is something that my kids and I have been doing a lot.

As grown ups, we often feel like we have to hide how we're feeling, but with kids, There's no pretense, no hiding, no covering up the truth. They give us license to truly sit with our feelings and not overly intellectualize them. So it was really wonderful to be able to share space on the podcast with Winifred and with Georgina.

So for today's episode of Academic Aunties, we have Winifred and Georgina! Hello! So, what, hello, what do you want to do for the holidays? We're not going to have school, we're going to have two weeks of no work and no school.

Winifred: Um, I'm excited for the holidays to go to Mexico. I'm going with my cousins. My, um, I forgot.

My,

Georgina: my name is, my name is Georgina. I'm not going to show. And, and, uh. Where I, uh, and I'm, and I'm so happy to be in the contest with you. And, and we're, and we're, and I'm, and I'm, and, well I am going to go to Mexico, and, and I'm going to go with, with, with you, and my cousins, I mean, I don't know. But, but, but, and, and spend time in the beach, and, and have fun in the hotel.

And eat. That's awesome! And, and I'm also going to, and I'm also going to, and I'm also going to color with you. I would love to cuddle with you, maybe on the beach too, right? And even on the beach, and swim, and make crab tassels with you. But do not forget the buckets. Do not forget

Ethel Tungohan: the buckets. How about you, Freddie?

Winifred: Um, for the holidays, I'm excited for Santa Claus. to come and give me my gifts. I'm so excited to see what's, what's he gonna give me. Maybe coal, or I know Santa's search in Lego sets, Squishmallows, and Magic Mixes. These are what I want besides from coal. You want coal? No, I don't.

Ethel Tungohan: I said I don't want coal.

Okay, so you're afraid Santa. Well, I don't think Santa will give you coal.

Georgina: So, so, I'm, me too. I'm also excited for Santa to give me, but, but, uh, but, but I think he's going to give me free gifts, but, but what should we put in the Christmas tree? A star or a snowflake?

Ethel Tungohan: What should we put on the Christmas tree?

Georgina: I like snowflakes. And I'm, and I'm going to pick a star that, uh, uh, whichever one I find. What's everyone's type? Angel. Star. Angel.

Ethel Tungohan: Star. Angel. Star. Angel. I don't think we can resolve that now. Um, one question. Um, what feelings come into your heart when you think about the holiday? A little bit sad because Nono actually passed away and this is my first Christmas without him.

I know, I'm really sad about that too. And Nono's birthday is coming up as well, right? On December 7. But we're also going to try to celebrate that, to remember Nono. When you think about Nono, what are your favorite memories of Nono?

Winifred: Um, when he teached me how to play the ukulele. Oh, that's right! He did!

Ethel Tungohan: And,

Winifred: um, uh, He taught me a lot of things.

Ethel Tungohan: his birthday. Right, because we always would celebrate his birthday too, right?

Georgina: Even when he dies

Ethel Tungohan: or I forgot it. So I think we can still celebrate, um, Nono's birthday even after he's passed away because then we'll just remember all the fun moments that we shared with him on his birthday, right? Um, and what are some of the other fun moments you shared with Nono?

What's your favorite memory of Nono? Um, Brain's still thinking, I don't know, , I forgot. I just still thinking. No, I know. But um, did you like it when Nano would sing with you and play the guitar?

Georgina: Um, I like it when he was teaching me how to sing Yellow Submarine. Oh yeah. He would sing Yellow

Ethel Tungohan: Submarine with you.

That's right. You know what Nonna's favorite band was?

Georgina: The Beatles? The Beatles! Absolutely. Um, my favorite, my favorite thing was it, uh, at the funeral, but my dress was a little bit uncomfortable. But I, I was trying, but, but I, I was blowing my nose because, because, That, that might happen when I, when I, when I, at the

Ethel Tungohan: funeral.

I know. I mean, I think the dress was a little bit uncomfortable. I think it was just so shocking, right? Because we, we didn't plan this and it just happened and we've been living, um, thinking about Nono and remembering him for the past few months.

Georgina: But at the church, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't see the, the, the thing at.

Ethel Tungohan: Yeah.

Georgina: Because I, because I. Because I just saw out the, I just saw the, the, the little bed at the funeral. But, but when it was closed, I, and, and, and it in funeral class, I didn't see it anymore.

Ethel Tungohan: I know. So you saw, uh, Nana was just lying there. Um, and you saw him and, uh, and then after a while after, after people viewed him, we, we closed it.

Right. Um, but I think. When we think about Nono and we think about family and we think about the holidays, why do you think it's important for us to spend time with our families and not work and not think about school? And why is it important to get funerals? Well I think the funeral was an important way for all of us to remember Nono and for the family to gather together and share memories of Nono, right?

What was the question again? So why do you think it's important for us to spend time together as a family during the holidays?

Winifred: So we can celebrate?

Ethel Tungohan: What is a memory of Nono? What's my favorite memory of Nono? That's a good question, Georgie. Uh, I think my favorite memory of Nono, it's not really so much one memory, but just a series of different memories.

Nono was actually really funny. And so, Nono joked around a lot. Nono, I had a funny sense of humor, so he would make a lot of dad jokes. He would just, I don't know, make me laugh. And I just remember sharing space with Nona and just laughing with him and eating food with them. What?

Georgina: Um, I, uh, but I love sharing.

I love sharing food with you.

Ethel Tungohan: I love sharing food with you too. So, yeah, so I think it's important for us to spend time together as a family. Um, what do you all want to do during the holidays after Mexico? Do you still have plans? Do you want to just hang out at home? I

Georgina: don't, I don't, I do, I sometimes, I sometimes young, I sometimes younger sis.

Sis joke.

Ethel Tungohan: Oh, you sometimes have a joke?

Georgina: I sometimes younger, younger sis joke. Younger sisters have jokes too? I sometimes have a younger sister joke. Okay. But, but, but a big sister joke, but, but Freddie sometimes, but Freddie doesn't do that, or, or you

Winifred: do? Does Freddy have jokes? Yeah, sometimes I do it to my friends.

I don't really do it with my younger sister. But I don't really, but

Georgina: I don't really do it with with my big sister, Freddy. I mean Winifred. But I sometimes do younger sister jokes with my cousins. That's

Ethel Tungohan: right. Okay, um, so before we wrap up, what's one fun thing that you want to do during the holiday season, not necessarily at the resort, what do you want to do, how do you want to spend your time off from school?

Winifred: Um, well, I didn't really get to do skating last year, and I also, some of my friends birthday parties

Ethel Tungohan: are actually on that day. Okay, so yeah, no, we're celebrating a few of your friends birthdays in December, so you want to have skating lessons, and you want to

Winifred: Um, not skating lessons. I just want to go and generally skate.

Yeah.

Ethel Tungohan: I also only want to sled. Jingle bells! Jingle bells! Jingle all the way! Oh, that's what

Georgina: I did! Dashing through the snow in a one horse open sleigh! Jingle bells! Jingle bells! Jingle bells! Jingle all the way! All I find is I surround the water hose open and say, Hey, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle all the way.

I'll finally surrender when her arms open like girls Bye and uh, Merry Christmas Happy early Merry

Ethel Tungohan: Christmas

Georgina: For

Ethel Tungohan: this holiday season, I will be taking a break Spending time with Winifred, Georgina, and Wayne. Hanging out with my mom and my brother. And not working. When I put my out of office message, I will actually not check email.

I will not be dragged into doing administrative or research or teaching work. You see, what I wish I had more of with my dad was time. Time is no longer something I take for granted. So what I hope for all of you listening today is that you also give yourself the time to just be. Whether that means being with yourself, and binging Netflix, reading novels, or being with your loved ones.

Do something that gives you joy and that replenishes your spirit. For those of you who, like me, have lost loved ones and find that it's really hard to get into a celebratory mood, please be kind to yourself. Honor your feelings. And please know that I understand what you're going through. And that's Academic Aunties.

Get in touch with us. We're on Instagram and Blue Sky. You can also visit academicaunties. com to listen to previous episodes and find out ways for you to support the podcast. We will be back in January for more episodes of Academic Aunties. Until then, take care, be kind to yourself, and don't be an asshole.