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Motivating People to Live on Mission
Episode 40924th October 2022 • Everyday Disciple Podcast • Caesar Kalinowski
00:00:00 00:25:03

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Have you found it hard–really hard–to move people toward embracing change lately? Are you finding it frustrating to motivate folks to reorient their lives around discipleship, serving others, and missional living... versus a consumeristic experience of the church? In this episode of the Everyday Disciple Podcast, we'll tell you why the way you've learned to motivate people produces polarizing results. And we'll give you ways to initiate lasting change through more gospel-centered motivations. In This Episode You’ll Learn:
  • Why the old ways of "carrot and stick" ultimately fail to motivate people.
  • How the “DO=BE” distortion is in full effect in all of this.
  • The difference between the Legalist and the Gospel when motivating others.
  • How what we believe, love and fear changes everything.
  From this episode: "All of these ways of trying to motivate others to do something new or accept a new way of being and living, all appeal to the same thing: Self. What’s in it for me? In other words, the person you are trying to motivate is internally, subconsciously, asking themselves, with each of these types of 'motivators', what’s in it for me? Will I gain authority or popularity, wealth, will I be seen as 'more'... how will this add to my sense of value and self-worth... in my own eyes, and the perception that others have of me."
Each week the Big 3 will give you immediate action steps to get you started.
Download today’s BIG 3 right now. Read and think over them again later. You might even want to share them with others…

Thanks for Listening!

Thanks so much for joining us again this week. Have some feedback you’d like to share? Join us on Facebook and take part in the discussion! If you enjoyed this episode, please share it using the social media buttons you see at the top of this page or right below. Also, please subscribe and leave an honest review for The Everyday Disciple Podcast on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen. Ratings and reviews are extremely helpful and greatly appreciated! They do matter in the rankings of the show, and we read each and every one of them.   Links and Resources Mentioned in This Episode: Free Download of the Big 3 For Episode #409 Get Instant Access Now: Everyday Disciple Workshop Missio Publishing – More Missional Books and Resources   Join us on Facebook

Transcripts

Caesar:

You may notice something here.

Caesar:

All of these ways of trying to motivate others to do something new or accept a new way of being and living, they all appeal to the same thing self.

Caesar:

You know what's in it for me, For the person who's being asked to change.

Caesar:

In other words, the person you're trying to motivate is internally subconsciously asking themselves with each of these types of motivators, what's in it for me?

Caesar:

Will I gain authority or popular?

Caesar:

Wealth, will I be seen as more somehow?

Caesar:

How will this add to my sense of value and self-worth, in my own eyes and the perception that others have of me.

Caesar:

And they wonder, what am I truly earning?

Caesar:

If I do this, do I gain status or will I be giving up some sort of freedom and control in my life?

Announcer:

Welcome to the Everyday Disciple Podcast, where you'll learn how to live with greater intentionality and an integrated faith that naturally fits into every area of life.

Announcer:

In other.

Announcer:

Discipleship as a lifestyle.

Announcer:

This is the stuff your parents, pastors and seminary professors probably forgot to tell you.

Announcer:

And now here's your host, Caesar Kalinowski.

Caesar:

Here we go again.

Caesar:

Another episode together.

Caesar:

And though I.

Caesar:

Really kinda like change.

Caesar:

I have to say I'm loving the routine of getting back to my normal schedule . And, uh, good to be with you.

Caesar:

I'm excited about today's topic and Before we get heading out, , on our journey today to talk about, why it can be so hard to motivate people to live on mission, I just wanted to invite you to, join the party with us over on Facebook, If you're a Facebook user, then all you have to do is just jump into Facebook and search up the Everyday, Disciple Podcast, or uh, you can go to everyday Disciple dot com slash facebook.

Caesar:

Right now.

Caesar:

And that'll take you right there to the group and just boom, join.

Caesar:

And off you go.

Caesar:

There's a lot of activity in there.

Caesar:

There's thousands of us kind of trying to do life together in there.

Caesar:

Talk about the podcast, share things, share life and all that.

Caesar:

Also, if you would subscribe to the show on whatever platform you listen to, then you'll never miss another episode.

Caesar:

They come out every Monday.

Caesar:

You can, uh, just subscribe on whatever platform you have.

Caesar:

Love it.

Caesar:

If you'd give us a review and a rating that really helps their software and when people search out what we're talking about in discipleship, find us.

Caesar:

you can find all the platforms that we are on, or at least a whole bunch of.

Caesar:

By going to everyday Disciple dot com slash subscribe, and that'll show you a whole bunch of links.

Caesar:

All right, so here we go.

Caesar:

Today might be the ultimate thing behind the thing, episode and discussion that we've ever had here on the podcast.

Caesar:

It, it might just be cuz we're gonna, we're gonna really get behind this issue.

Caesar:

Let me ask you, have you ever found it hard, really hard to move people to change or to consistently serve others?

Caesar:

Have you found it difficult and frustrating to motivate people to radically reorient their lives around discipleship and Missional living versus having a consumer experience of church and spiritual goods and services?

Caesar:

It's tough, right?

Caesar:

How about this?

Caesar:

Is it hard to consistently stay motivated yourself or even just to motivate your own family and closest friends in.

Caesar:

I feel you.

Caesar:

I really do.

Caesar:

This can be very hard and for some people to even try to initiate change in the church, in your family, in the Missional, Community or a small group just feels like conflict.

Caesar:

It doesn't have to be.

Caesar:

And, and hopefully today's really gonna help cuz uh, today I wanna talk about how the Gospel changes our motivations compared to how the ways of the world and most of what we've been taught in the past teaches us to motivate people.

Caesar:

Okay?

Caesar:

And old adage goes that there are two ways to motivate someone to do something either with a carrot.

Caesar:

Or a stick.

Caesar:

And this idiom comes from the tradition of offering either a reward or punishment to produce a certain behavior, probably with a horse or something originally.

Caesar:

or Mule, I don't know.

Caesar:

It's a reference to I think a wagon or cart driver dangling a carrot in front of a horse to entice forward motion or.

Caesar:

Whacking it with a stick from behind to get the beast to move.

Caesar:

The horse moves toward the carrot for the reward presented before it, or he advances away from the stick to avoid the pain of being hit, right?

Caesar:

So carrot or stick, and that's kind of categorically how we still try to motivate people.

Caesar:

I think in the business world, we can see these two alternatives at play in like the promise of a promotion.

Caesar:

Or a raise or a bonus, right?

Caesar:

That's a carrot or a possible demotion or maybe ultimately being fired.

Caesar:

That would be the stick, both of which are employed as typical and ongoing daily motivations to succeed or to get people to do more.

Caesar:

Okay, Now usually we accept these twin and, uh, seemingly competing options as normal without really giving it much conscious thought.

Caesar:

These same motivators I've seen are, they show up and they're at work in personal relationships, in parenting, uh, when dating, uh, all in our marriages.

Caesar:

And they are both, both the carrot and stick.

Caesar:

They're really about control.

Caesar:

Now, like I said, the world tries to motivate us in ways that are different than a Gospel centered motivation.

Caesar:

And when I say the world, that's, I know that's a giant big sort of churchy term.

Caesar:

I just mean like the system and the way that it kind of operates and we've all learned it, right?

Caesar:

It looks like this, uh, reward or removal of compensation and reward or popularity, shame.

Caesar:

Fear of failure, so we'll work harder and longer hours etcetera.

Caesar:

Or maybe an appeal to our emotions or someone will stack up the reasons that they should want to do whatever it is that, you know, you want 'em to do , or give them a bigger mountain to climb.

Caesar:

Like, Oh, wouldn't you wanna be up there?

Caesar:

You know?

Caesar:

Those are all the ways and, and the little nuances that we use.

Caesar:

This is how people in our lives, educators and parents and pastors, unfortunately, and bosses and business partners, maybe even your parents or spouse have tried to motivate you to changes, right?

Caesar:

Or to get you to do what they want maybe your entire life.

Caesar:

. And so naturally when it comes to trying to motivate someone else or a group of people like your church or friends, we resort to the same tactics.

Caesar:

ploys , it's what we've been taught, but you may notice something here.

Caesar:

All of these ways of trying to motivate others to do something new or accept a new way of being and living, they all appeal to the same thing self.

Caesar:

What's in it for me?

Caesar:

For the person who's being asked to change?

Caesar:

In other words, the person you're trying to motivate is internally subconsciously asking themselves with each of these types of motivators, what's in it for me?

Caesar:

Will I gain authority or popularity wealth?

Caesar:

Will I be seen as more somehow?

Caesar:

How will this add to my sense of value and self-worth, in my own eyes and the perception that others have.

Caesar:

And they wonder, what am I truly earning?

Caesar:

If I do this, do I gain status or will I be giving up some sort of freedom?

Caesar:

And control in my life.

Caesar:

you see here, the do equals be distortion is in full effect, isn't it?

Caesar:

If you listen to the show with any regularity, you know what I'm talking about, This idea that what we do equals our value.

Caesar:

Who we be, who we are.

Caesar:

that's a lie.

Caesar:

That's from Genesis three forward.

Caesar:

That's the sin of Adam and.

Caesar:

Believing they had to do.

Caesar:

If you do this, you'll be like, God.

Caesar:

Right?

Caesar:

That due to be distortion is what produces so much of our pain in life and it's just so anti the Gospel.

Caesar:

Now, think about the ways your parents tried to motivate you growing up, and maybe some of this will sound familiar.

Caesar:

Okay?

Caesar:

I don't know.

Caesar:

It's a little bit of a generalization, but you'll see what I'm saying.

Caesar:

I need you to clean your room right now, and then the motivation would come in the form of what?

Caesar:

Either a reward, you know, you can, you can go play with your friends afterwards, or we'll get some ice cream, or you can watch your show tonight, or maybe a loss of privilege or maybe some shame-y language if you don't.

Caesar:

Right.

Caesar:

Or things like, we work hard to give you nice things.

Caesar:

At least you could take care of them.

Caesar:

, or your sister keeps a room so nice all the time.

Caesar:

You should be more like her.

Caesar:

Sound familiar?

Caesar:

Maybe you've tried some similar things with your own kids.

Caesar:

I'm guilty of it.

Caesar:

I know some of that has leaked out and probably still does when I'm trying to motivate people to do what I want 'em to do or, Now there, I'm just giving you an example from everyday life, but we're.

Caesar:

Today primarily talking about, the church has changed so much and we're trying to initiate change and how people start to be the church and live on mission, but it's all the same issue, the thing behind the thing's the same.

Caesar:

Or here's another example, in our own lives, maybe around doing homework or chores or getting up on time for school.

Caesar:

You just pick your own favorite motivational battle in your life at home and replay the conversations that you've had in connection with that or trying to get someone to change.

Caesar:

Did it sound anything like that?

Caesar:

Kind of shamey or carrot and stick?

Caesar:

Hmm.

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

Right.

Caesar:

When challenge to change or do something, we don't necessarily want to do our own heart.

Caesar:

they weigh out, this do equals be balance.

Caesar:

And if we don't immediately sense that my doing whatever it is you're trying to get me to do or change, if we don't immediately sense that my doing will increase my being, in other words, my status or my value somehow, then I resist it or I'll make excuses and hide.

Caesar:

Are you catching that?

Caesar:

That's kind of the big e on the eye chart today, when we're trying to help someone change or move them towards change our, even if they're doing it in, in a good way, that's the thing.

Caesar:

Even when they're doing it, maybe full of grace or whatever, we still, because of this meta wound, this do to be distortion, we are immediately subconsciously going, Hmm, how's it gonna value me?

Caesar:

What's in it for me?

Caesar:

And if I don't sense it right away, then I'm gonna resist it, or I'm gonna hide and make excuse.

Caesar:

You know what, and unfortunately when it comes to motivating people to live a more Gospel centered life, a more Missional focus or you know, live a Missional, evangelize people or make disciples, often we unwittingly turn to that same carrot and stick, sort of do to be methods that we learned in our families and at work or somewhere else in the world.

Caesar:

But there's a problem with this.

Caesar:

None of the world's motivators and neither of these two methods of motivation carrot or stick are true to the Gospel.

Caesar:

And they're definitely not good news.

Caesar:

You know, they're not good.

Caesar:

You know, when people try to carrot or stick you, it doesn't feel like good news.

Caesar:

You feel trapped, you feel pushed, right?

Caesar:

And when we do it to others, it's not good news.

Caesar:

They're actually contrary to the good news that the Gospel proclaim.

Caesar:

In trying to help people succeed in living on mission with God if we use carrot and stick methods, we could end up undermining the true heart of love and acceptance displayed by God in and through the life, death and resurrection of Jesus on our behalf.

Caesar:

And what we do is we just end up heaping another big pile of stinking do to be on.

Caesar:

And you know what, just side note here, I think for years too, and I know I've done it, hopefully I don't do it anymore, but I think for years too, we've done that with, people who are not yet walking with Jesus.

Caesar:

We kind of carrot and stick them.

Caesar:

We think about it we either, you know, hanging out, Oh, someday in heaven, you know, or stick like you are gonna, you're gonna pay, you're gonna burn in hell for this, right?

Caesar:

Oh, wow.

Caesar:

Okay.

Caesar:

So food for thought.

Caesar:

Here are a few of the carrots, quote unquote, that I've either had dangled in front of me within the church or.

Caesar:

I've probably used as a leader to entice others to grow or perform in new ways.

Caesar:

Things like, I'll say like mature Christians read their Bible every day, and so should you, Or the more you pray, the more you'll see God answer your prayers.

Caesar:

Or things like, men chosen for leadership in our church are those that regularly tithe

Caesar:

Okay?

Caesar:

Or getting out and serving the poor is really good for you.

Caesar:

You feel how some of those carrots are kind of icky, but that's how we, we throw 'em out there.

Caesar:

here's a few common sticks that I've seen or employed myself.

Caesar:

You'll say things like, You make so much money, you really can afford to be a lot more generous.

Caesar:

Hmm.

Caesar:

That's not good news, right?

Caesar:

Oh, here's another one.

Caesar:

Don't you know how much Jesus suffered for you?

Caesar:

Hmm.

Caesar:

Or we'll say the Bible commands us to get out there and preach the Gospel or someday you'll have to answer for why you cared so little for lost people.

Caesar:

Yikes.

Caesar:

Right.

Caesar:

Now, I know in and of themselves some of those above statements there , may all be true, or at least to some degree, and they would sound pretty fair and natural when used to.

Caesar:

motivate A right behavior or to promote spiritual growth, especially if we do it nicely.

Caesar:

Maybe not with such a snotty tone that I used , but they all fall.

Caesar:

They all fall.

Caesar:

So short of being Gospel motivated or presenting grace based perspectives that could and do bring about real lasting.

Caesar:

Heart level motivation, the type of motivation that we as leaders don't have to continually babysit or reapply or push.

Caesar:

true Gospel motivation brings implication changing us from the inside out.

Caesar:

And that's what we're all after.

Caesar:

that's allowing the Gospel to transform us so that our motivations change and the implication of like, Whoa, if that's true of God and true of me, then we get to live this way.

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

And over the years, as I've had the experience of planting churches and helping others make disciples and start Missional communities around the world, one of the questions I've received very often go something like this, It'll be some form of, I have a whole bunch of people that have, I, they're bought into this Missional Community thing, or living on mission.

Caesar:

You know, this lifestyle, living like missionaries in our city.

Caesar:

But how do you keep them motivated?

Caesar:

They start out all fired up, but after a while they kind of fizzle out.

Caesar:

Hmm, Maybe you've experienced that some of, I'm picturing people right now in my own life that have said that cuz we've heard it so many times.

Caesar:

Okay, so what should affect our everyday motivation for the Missional?

Caesar:

I don't like saying should, What does or will affect our everyday motivation for the mission.

Caesar:

Okay, well, let's look at how to rightly motivate people by leading them to better understand a few things.

Caesar:

Okay.

Caesar:

First off, we have to help 'em, understand like what you love really makes a big difference.

Caesar:

God's love and grace shown to us in and through the work of Christ produces a responsive love and a gratefulness in us, and we don't dangle that out.

Caesar:

Like either a carrot or we use it as a stick, but the truth is God's love does change us.

Caesar:

Here's something else to think about.

Caesar:

What you love most in life will determine your priorities and motivation.

Caesar:

Yeah, I'll say it again.

Caesar:

What you love most in life will determine your priorities and motivation.

Caesar:

What do you love the most?

Caesar:

Your life, like the way you've set it up, your career, your leisure.

Caesar:

Your family like where you live or is it Jesus and is it being part of the Great Commission and God accomplishing his eternal purpose to fill the world with his glory?

Caesar:

Is that what you love the most?

Caesar:

These are hard questions.

Caesar:

I know.

Caesar:

Like I said, this is a huge thing behind the thing, but there are two sides to that coin, love and fear.

Caesar:

Whatever you fear the most will be the governing power of your life.

Caesar:

So do you fear someone's ultimate approval ? You know, whoever's trying to get you to change, or if it's in the case of like, something to do with church and living on mission, whose approval do you, fear the most?

Caesar:

Not having, or maybe in life do you ultimately fear losing your job?

Caesar:

So that's why you'll just work like crazy and forsake everything else and then try to make excuses around it.

Caesar:

Or maybe you fear not being seen as the super parent in every single thing or a good Christian right.

Caesar:

We must help people to fall deeply in love with Jesus, which will displace the greatly inferior gods and idols that are in their lives, as well as unmasking fears that control their life in inappropriate and unproductive ways.

Caesar:

Okay, so for a minute, let's look at motivations from a head, heart perspective.

Caesar:

One key motivator in life is what you believe in your.

Caesar:

Having a better understanding of both the power and the purpose of the Gospel changes our perspective on how and why we've been saved, really created and now saved in the first place.

Caesar:

You can go back just like a week, two, three weeks back, and you can hear me teach in the power and the purpose of the Gospel.

Caesar:

That was a two part, like couple episodes we did, but having a better understanding of that.

Caesar:

Changes a lot.

Caesar:

We have to believe that.

Caesar:

We need to know that what we believe about our identity in Christ, our Trinitarian identity, ultimately creating the image of a triune God will be transformational in how we live our everyday lives.

Caesar:

Like do we truly believe that we're.

Caesar:

God's sons and daughters that we're a family, God's family of missionary servants, we've now been sent empowered by the spirit as disciples to make more disciples of Jesus.

Caesar:

Then he goes with us.

Caesar:

Do we believe that and do we all the implications of this for our lives and the authority and privilege that comes with being part of this family, and what do we believe the actual mission is like that's gonna change our motivations.

Caesar:

Brothers and sisters , right?

Caesar:

Jesus' command was to go and make disciples not, go and plant churches or start a whole bunch of new home based church services because, you know, Covid broke our thing or start a bunch of Bible studies.

Caesar:

Understanding the mission that we're actually on as the church changes our priorities and how we spend our time and our budgets and our resource.

Caesar:

Making disciples is a lifestyle that we get to live as we participate in God's eternal plan to fill the world with His glory.

Caesar:

Do we get that?

Caesar:

Do we understand?

Caesar:

Do we know that?

Caesar:

So that's kind of some of the stuff that we need to believe in our heads that start to change our motivations or help others believe.

Caesar:

And then there's that what you believe in your heart.

Caesar:

Because as we move from law based motivations, which are should or you need to, or you know you're supposed to or whatever, to grace and acceptance, our heart changes.

Caesar:

Perfect love, cast out fear and control.

Caesar:

Do you believe that you must make disciples or be Missional to have God's love and acceptance and approval?

Caesar:

See, I think a lot of, we, a lot of us live that way.

Caesar:

I know when I was a kid that, you know, this whole Missional thing wasn't even a top topic, but it was kind of like, you should be outgoing door to door really, and handing out tracks and little flyers from church and inviting everybody to Easter and you should be talking to all your friends on the playground about, you know, really was all should, should, should, and.

Caesar:

When you do, God's happier with you.

Caesar:

That's how it was.

Caesar:

And he'll really?

Caesar:

Yeah, then, And then you get the blessings you want, right?

Caesar:

That's kind of how it was.

Caesar:

See, the legalist says You should, or you should not do this or that, whatever it is.

Caesar:

But the Gospel says, You need not do that because you have a great, glorious, good and gracious God who cares for you.

Caesar:

Desires a relationship with you regardless of what you do, because it's based on what Jesus has done.

Caesar:

That's so powerful, isn't it?

Caesar:

See, you're probably starting to see why our care and stick or do to be motivators fall short and they lead to frustration and a real lack of relational peace in our lives.

Caesar:

We're trying to get people to do these things, so I wanna challenge you.

Caesar:

As you think through all this to replay more of the conversations and proclamations in new ways forward you've had with people recently in your life and see if they were Gospel centered and grace based, know, we get to do this or that because of Jesus.

Caesar:

Or was it kind of full of carrot and stick and do equals be motivations that really only cause the opposite response that we want.

Caesar:

And by the way, we always, in trying to help people change and move towards the life that God has offered, we always wanna respect them.

Caesar:

We wanna respect everybody wherever they're at in the journey.

Caesar:

Just, not only because we've been there and we all live with our unbelief, , right?

Caesar:

But God loves us and respects us.

Caesar:

He pursues us and pursues us, and pursued us, and is still pursuing us as we move from unbelief to belief in every area of our life.

Caesar:

In light of the Gospel and his great love for us, and so we wanna be very respectful.

Caesar:

That doesn't mean we can't try to initiate change, but we wanna make sure that it's a Gospel motivation behind it and not a lot of shoulding all over people.

Caesar:

Right.

Caesar:

All right.

Caesar:

That's some pretty heavy stuff I know.

Caesar:

Let me boil it down like we always do.

Caesar:

I want to give you, three big takeaways from today's topic so that if nothing else, you don't miss this

Caesar:

? Kind of like summarizing it.

Caesar:

And I always write these three, the big three out, and put 'em on a printable PDF that you can get and download.

Caesar:

All you have to do is go to everyday Disciple dot com slash big three.

Caesar:

And you can download this, right?

Caesar:

So here's my big three for today and I usually do these in head, heart hands, so you'll kind of see it.

Caesar:

Here's the first one.

Caesar:

Don't miss it.

Caesar:

Carrot and stick motivators are the opposite of the good news of the Gospel.

Caesar:

These fall far short of being Gospel motivated or presenting grace based perspectives that could and do bring about real lasting heart level motivation and changes the type of change that we as leaders don't have to continually babysit or, force on people or reapply or keep ramping up.

Caesar:

True Gospel motivation brings implication.

Caesar:

Remember that about who?

Caesar:

God.

Caesar:

And what he's done in and through Jesus and what's now true of us and all of this changes us and changes others from the inside out.

Caesar:

Okay, So don't miss that second, remember the legalist says, just, we just talked about this.

Caesar:

You should or should not do this or that, but the Gospel says, You need not do that, or you get to do this because you have a great and glorious and good and gracious father who cares for you.

Caesar:

He desires a relationship with you regardless of what you do.

Caesar:

Making disciples is a lifestyle that we all get to live as we participate in God's eternal plan to fill the world with His glory.

Caesar:

We get to do this, or we could sort of just stack up the American dream life stuff that we won't get to take with us, right?

Caesar:

or wherever you live, you got your own.

Caesar:

And here's the third of the big three, and this is sort of the, rubber meets the road.

Caesar:

Um, if you're serious about this, make a list of the people on situations or challenges you're seeking to change in your life right now.

Caesar:

In what ways have you been trying to motivate change up until this point?

Caesar:

What have your words sounded like?

Caesar:

Are you frustrated with these people because they aren't submitting to your false sense of sovereignty?

Caesar:

You know, these people just won't change.

Caesar:

Perhaps it may be you and your approach that needs to change.

Caesar:

Be rethought.

Caesar:

Okay, so there you have it all right.

Caesar:

And, uh, I hope that's been helpful.

Caesar:

I know that's, that's a pretty fast, tall drink, from a fire hose there.

Caesar:

But as I've been sorting through this and talking to so many people who are trying to create change right now in their communities and their churches, given all the changes in culture and gathering that we get to do, there's a lot of frustration and there's a lot of not so good carrot and sticking going on.

Caesar:

So hopefully this will help you move towards more Gospel motivated grace based.

Caesar:

Motivating of people and your own heart.

Caesar:

I tell you, it's gonna restore a lot of health and goodness in your relationships.

Caesar:

Well, that's about it for today.

Caesar:

We'll talk to you soon.

Announcer:

Thanks for joining us today.

Announcer:

For more information on this show and to get loads of free discipleship resources, visit everyday Disciple dot com.

Announcer:

And remember, you really can live with a spiritual freedom and relational peace

Announcer:

that Jesus promised every day.