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Are You Relationship Ready?
Episode 1620th October 2023 • Navigating Love and Immigration™ • Megan Pastrana
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In Episode 16 of Navigating Love and Immigration, Attorney Megan Pastrana disucsses relationship readiness and healthy communication with special guest, Barry Selby, about the essential concept of relationship readiness and he art of healthy communication within a partnership. Barry is a relationship expert that helps women move from heart-broken grief to whole-hearted grace. He is have over 35 years of training and experience including a master’s degree in Spiritual Psychology, and his #1 best-selling book – 50 Ways to Love Your Lover – is a comprehensive how-to guide for couples and singles to achieve rewarding relationships.

The discussion begins by addressing the widespread misconception that individuals often believe they need to find someone else to experience a sense of wholeness. Barry astutely points out that this notion, which he refers to as the "You complete me" fallacy, is a prevalent and erroneous idea that has its roots in codependency. He emphasizes the critical importance of self-improvement and self-exploration before embarking on a journey toward a healthy relationship. Megan and Barry delve into the harmful belief that seeking another person to fill a perceived void is the key to happiness and completion.

Barry shares his personal experiences growing up in an environment marked by codependency, where he observed his parents engaging in such dynamics, further reinforcing the misguided concept of love that he would carry into his own relationships. This pattern of codependency led to emotional suffocation in his past relationships. The podcast discussion highlights that becoming relationship-ready involves a profound commitment to self-improvement and self-reliance, emphasizing that healthy relationships should not be viewed as a means to personal completeness. Instead, they should be partnerships between two individuals who have done the necessary internal work, embraced self-awareness, and cultivated a sense of self-love.

Megan and Barry underscore the significance of self-love and self-care, both mentally and emotionally, as foundational aspects of self-improvement. They share their own journeys in overcoming self-criticism and the harmful habit of internalizing external voices. This conversation illuminates the fact that many people listen to voices in their heads that aren't truly their own, often derived from their upbringing or past experiences. The power of self-improvement lies in the realization that everyone has the capability to change these negative thought patterns and narratives. It is a journey of self-discovery that allows individuals to reshape their self-perception and create healthier relationships based on love and respect.

Furthermore, Barry elaborates on some of the key indicators of relationship readiness. He points out a simple yet profound sign: if an individual is searching for someone else to rescue or complete them, they are not yet prepared for a relationship. The conversation highlights the necessity of cultivating the longest and most crucial relationship one will ever have, the relationship with oneself. When this self-relationship is nurtured through self-care, attentive listening to one's inner voice, and the ability to accept feedback constructively, individuals become more self-fulfilled and better equipped to engage in relationships that are free from codependency and toxicity.

Megan and Barry emphasize the idea that partnerships should not be about rescuing or completing one another but rather walking side by side, facing the same direction, and sharing a life's journey together. They emphasize that a healthy relationship is about two individuals who maintain their self-reliance while being intimately connected and supportive of one another. This dynamic allows for a deeper and more meaningful partnership, characterized by understanding, trust, and clarity. The discussion takes an interesting turn towards the idea of embracing different parts of oneself. Barry introduces the concept of parts integration, explaining that everyone has various parts within themselves that influence their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. It becomes crucial to recognize and understand these parts, especially when they contribute to negative patterns or emotions. This awareness empowers individuals to engage in constructive internal dialogues, leading to personal growth and positive change.

The podcast conversation also delves into the significance of clear communication within relationships. They explore the power of setting healthy boundaries and the freedom to say "no" when necessary. They encourage couples to embrace "no" as a loving response, respecting each other's individual needs, rather than people-pleasing, which often leads to sacrifice and resentment. Setting clear boundaries and renegotiating agreements as circumstances change becomes a vital aspect of healthy partnerships, as it fosters trust, respect, and open communication.

Ultimately, this podcast episode offers valuable insights into the journey of relationship readiness, self-improvement, and the power of healthy communication within partnerships. It encourages listeners to embark on the path of self-awareness, self-love, and self-reliance, ultimately leading to healthier, more fulfilling relationships founded on trust and understanding.

Episode Highlights:

  • Codependency and Completeness
  • Jerry Maguire Moment
  • Codependent Relationships
  • Side-by-Side Relationships
  • Awareness and Self-Love
  • The Power of Saying "No"
  • Agreements and Trust


1. "You complete me is probably the epitaph for codependency."

2. "Nobody's broken; we all have our own challenges."

3. "The longest relationship I've ever had was the one in the mirror."

4. "Anything that happened to us doesn't make us who we are. We have to choose who we are."

5. "Saying 'yes' and resentment, that's not healthy either."

6. "Saying 'no' is a healthy, positive choice."

7. "We listen to voices in our heads that aren't even ours."

8. "A healthy relationship is about two individuals who maintain their self-reliance while being intimately connected."

9. "Partnerships should be about walking side by side, facing the same direction, and sharing a life's journey together."

10. "It's not the arguments themselves, but the themes and patterns you should become aware of and make a conscious shift."


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