Shownotes
Sheila is a qualified in (Hdip coaching psychology) and an experienced transformation coach specializing in authenticity and personal development.
Sheila assists you in breaking free of limiting beliefs and habits, while helping you get clear about who you are and what you want from life, business and relationships!
She does this through focusing on developing authentic confidence, mental fitness, personal resilience, emotional intelligence, healthy relationships, improved communication skills and self-awareness.
Using a combination of Positive Psychology, Cognitive Behavioral Coaching, Solution Focused Coaching and a person centered approach, Sheila addresses areas such as stress, clarity, happiness, relationships, life direction, anxiety management, interpersonal skills, conflict resolution and authentic success.
Guiding Principle, Quote or Mantra
Whatever is happening in relation to other people, there is something in it for you to learn from. Just ask “what am I responsible for here?” and the learning will be revealed.
When Sile takes responsibility for her role, then she is better able to trust other people because she can now trust that she will take responsibility for what she needs.
As long as she takes responsibility for her intentions, actions and feelings then she can trust that other people cannot take advantage of her or manipulate her or misuse the trust she gives them.
When You Tripped Up
Sile was in a relationship for 10 years and she did not realize how much responsibility she was giving the other person for her happiness.
Her focus was on, if he was just different then she’d be OK. So she spent her time trying to change him. Trying to create the safest version of a person she could create.
And she realized that she had spent a lifetime waiting for someone else to come along and improve her life. And when they did come along, she would give them all the responsibility for her happiness.
The more she gave this responsibility to someone else, the less she was happy.
Sile came to the understanding that her happiness and her fulfillment can’t be done through a relationship. She can have fulfillment and be in a relationship, but it is really not her partner’s purpose in the relationship to fulfill her.
Learning this lesson had given her the most freedom of anything because she doesn’t need people to be different for her to be OK.
The “DUH” moment that changed your partnerships forever
Sile had a day of arguing with this man and they could not come meet on the same ground. And he eventually said to her, “Who do you want me to be?”
This woke her up to understand that her behavior was telling him that everything that he is, isn’t OK.
That statement made Sile realize that although she had these theories about how to be in partnership, her behavior wasn’t in alignment with the theories.
Proudest moment in partnership
Sile reconnected with a cousin she had not been in contact with since she was a child.
They found they were sharing the same struggle and the same growth at the same time.
At this meeting they shared so much deeply honest and vulnerable information about themselves that Sile said “Now I know how I am going to build relationships.”
They created a connection in such an honest way that she realized if she was able to do this with her, then she could do it with other people as well.
It told her how much choice she had in the kind of relationships she creates. And that she had the ability to build them, because she had already done it.
What is the best partnership / relationship advice you have ever received?
It is all about you.
If it’s your emotions, it’s about you. If you think it, it’s about you.
Best Partnership Book
Self Care: An Authentic Journey
Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself
Payoff of Partnership
Sile believes that if you really want to experience yourself and understand yourself, then you have to look at yourself within partnerships with others.
When you are in any kind of partnership it highlights where you are with ourself even more clearly.
This is the gift of seeing ourselves clearer than we can outside of partnership.
It may be harder, but it is more rewarding than trying to do it all on your own.
Interview Links -
