In this series on how to heal from trauma and wounding, we discuss some of the tools I used in my journey to heal from cPTSD.

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Megan Conner is the mother of 6 spectacular humans and a breaker of generational trauma cycles. She has spent the last 10 years overcoming the effects of child SA and other abusive relationships and cycles. She is the author of I Walked Through Fire to Get Here, which was written to give support and hope to other survivors. Megan is passionate about helping people make small changes that make their lives better every day.

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Hello, beautiful humans.

Welcome to this series on how to heal.

I'm Megan Conner,

host of the Midlife Revolution podcast.

This series is just intended

to help give people some

tools in their own healing journey.

There are tools that I used

in my own healing journey.

I am not a licensed mental

health professional.

I'm just an expert in my own trauma.

And

And this is just meant for

informational purposes.

I like to share some of the

tools that I picked up in

my healing journey in the

hopes that it can help other people.

So one of the things that I

have learned to do that has

helped me the most in my

communications with other

people and in my healing

journey is learning to give

criticism without judgment.

and learning to accept

criticism without shame.

I think this is especially

important when we're on a healing journey,

because we are going to

receive feedback and

criticism about our

behaviors and things that

are very personal to us.

If we feel ashamed every

time we receive criticism,

it can cause us to react in

dysfunctional ways.

And one of the ways that we can

avoid getting angry at

people for giving us

criticism is to accept it without shame.

And I spoke in another video

about radical acceptance

and that practice is

another way for us to stay

away from the shame cycle,

radically accepting that

the criticism that we're

being given might be

accurate and then not

shaming ourselves for it,

but being curious about why

this has occurred or why

we've adopted a certain behavior and

And just realizing that we're human beings,

we're going to make

mistakes and we could

potentially have been doing

something wrong, not wrong,

but dysfunctional for our

entire lives and not really realize it.

And so accepting that

criticism without shame

allows space for us

to heal from whatever the

behavior was that we were

practicing that was dysfunctional.

So for example,

every time the phone rings

and I see a certain name on my phone,

it makes me angry because

that person is difficult to deal with.

And I answer in a way that

sounds like this instead of, hi,

how are you?

Sometimes we don't realize

that we're doing things like that.

And if the person on the

other line criticized me by saying,

every time I call you,

it sounds like you're

annoyed or frustrated.

And I could just lash out and say, well,

that is because I am

annoyed and frustrated.

Or I could just accept that

criticism without shame.

And make space for the fact

that I might need to change

the way that I relate to

that person in some way so

that we can have healthier

and better interactions.

It's also a really important

skill to give criticism without judgment.

And that requires us to be

intentional with the words

that we use when we're giving criticism.

and to hold space for the

other person's humanity,

as well as trying to

understand and have empathy

for where they are in their lives.

Understanding other people's

behavior helps us

understand our behavior as well,

and being able to put

ourselves in another

person's shoes allows us to

have some empathetic

feelings for what they

might be going through.

So instead of throwing

criticisms that are

intended to be barbs or to hurt somebody,

we can learn to give

criticism in a

non-judgmental way by saying,

I understand that you might

be feeling some irritation,

but when you talk to me that way,

it's hurtful.

And that's just a good way

to do it without making the

situation inflamed or

escalating the emotions

that are going to come out and happen.

As always, this is a practice.

It's something that takes

time and intention.

And journaling about how to

give criticism or

journaling about criticism

that you might have

received is a really good

way to unpack some of the

feelings that come up for you.

when you get criticized.

A lot of times we have

little things about

ourselves that we know are not the best.

And so when someone criticizes that thing,

we already know it and we

haven't done anything to change it.

And so that makes us feel

some additional shame and anger.

So going through and

examining some of our

behaviors and our ways of

relating to other people

can be a really good way

for us to avoid criticism

or avoid dysfunctional

relationships with other people.

If we already know that

we're behaving in a way

that is not functional in a relationship,

then digging into that

behavior and being

intentional about changing

it can sort of head off

these conflicts in the first place.

So it can be really shameful

for us when somebody pushes

a button by criticizing

something that we already

are ashamed of ourselves.

And so it's really important

to get curious about those

feelings and to try and unpack them.

So I would love to say more

about criticism and I will

continue to say more in

this series on how to heal.

If you're having difficulty

accepting criticism without shame,

please mention it in the comments.

Our community is a safe

space for people who are

trying to heal and our

community members are

really great about giving

advice and support online.

when we're struggling with something.

I hope that you'll join us

on the third Thursday at

7pm Central for our live

Q&A and community healing.

And also on Monday mornings at 7am Central,

where we talk about having

great intentions for the week.

And we

just set an intention for

making our week go smoothly

and be successful,

starting out with some

positivity and some

affirmations for ourselves

and our community members.

I hope you'll join us.

I hope you'll share this

with somebody who needs to hear it.

And if you appreciate the content,

please like the video and

subscribe to the channel.

I hope to see you again soon.

Until then, be kind to yourself.