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207: Resolving Childhood Trauma with The Power of A Love That Heals with Danielle Bernock
Episode 20714th July 2022 • The Beyond Adversity Podcast with Dr. Brad Miller • Dr Brad Miller
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Danielle Bernock is Dr. Brad Miller’s guest on Episode 207 of “The Beyond Adversity Podcast.”

Danielle talks about childhood trauma and how you can get through it.

In her personal experience, she is a survivor of multiple childhood traumas. She dismissed these traumas because she thought they were not bad enough because she was not sexually molested, hadn’t been through a natural disaster, or had a major traumatic event in her childhood.

She compared all the trauma she has been through to things that are massive in scale, which is why she dismissed them as nothing.

She grew up in a very authoritarian home. Whenever she had emotions, all she did was keep them inside her. Her parents did not help with this which is why she concluded that this form of the trauma she had is called childhood emotional neglect. 

Bullying was also one of the traumas she went through. She was not born Danielle Bernock. She legally changed her name in 1988. Her trauma was associated with her old name.

One of the events that affected her entire life was a public humiliation she suffered in front of the entire church.

However, she eventually intervened and through many processes, she was healed of all the trauma she had.

She also suffered a lot of death while growing up. Her grandmother, her father, her older brother, and a close friend in high school all died in a 4–5-year period, which added to the neglect she felt at home and the bullying she had in church, among other things.

Danielle had a warrior mindset even though she was a highly sensitive person. She decided that she is not going to live like she was at the time. She had the drive to want to heal, be different, and change.

A turning point in her life was when she went on a road trip with a friend, and she discovered her love for God.

Episode 207 of The Beyond Adversity Podcast is a must-listen for anyone who’s been through trauma and has considered giving up. Receiving love and loving yourself are keys to a fulfilled life. It might be hard but struggling and never giving up will take you a long way in life. All you have to do is fight.

“The Beyond Adversity Podcast with Dr. Brad Miller is published weekly with the mission of helping people “Grow Through What They Go Through” as they navigate adversity and discover their promised life of peace, prosperity, and purpose. 

Website: https://www.daniellebernock.com/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/daniellebernock

Twitter: https://twitter.com/DBernock

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/DanielleBernockLovesYou

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dbernock/

Transcripts

Dr. Brad Miller:

We have Danielle Bernock with us.

Dr. Brad Miller:

She is a trauma and forum self-love coach and author and a speaker

Dr. Brad Miller:

with several books and some great details on her website, daniellebernock.com.

Dr. Brad Miller:

And she is here to talk to us about childhood trauma, and about how you can get through it.

Dr. Brad Miller:

And she likes to call herself, the woman who loves you on the internet.

Dr. Brad Miller:

So we're glad to have you with us today. Danielle Bernock.

Danielle Bernock:

Thank you for having me, it is quite an honor.

Dr. Brad Miller:

Indeed it is. And I've looked through your website and your materials.

Dr. Brad Miller:

And you have quite an interesting story to tell interesting and tragic in some way,

Dr. Brad Miller:

a story to tell, but also then a process to help people to deal with things.

Dr. Brad Miller:

So let's just kind of start to get some context.

Dr. Brad Miller:

You do talk a lot about trauma in your writing and your processes.

Dr. Brad Miller:

But that comes from your own personal experience.

Dr. Brad Miller:

So tell us a little bit about your trauma that you faced.

Dr. Brad Miller:

That is kind of the foundation of what you teach about now.

Danielle Bernock:

Well, I am a survivor of multiple childhood traumas

Danielle Bernock:

that I dismissed as not bad enough, because I was not sexually molested.

Danielle Bernock:

I hadn't been in a typhoon or in a plane crash or Sandy Hook massacre.

Danielle Bernock:

And I compared everything I had been through to something that ginormous.

Danielle Bernock:

So what I'd went through, I dismissed it.

Danielle Bernock:

And I grew up in a very authoritarian home.

Danielle Bernock:

And emotions were not something that we did much or college.

Danielle Bernock:

So when I went through different things. You shove them down, that's what you do.

Danielle Bernock:

Children were to be seen and not heard. Stop crying, or I'll give you something to cry about.

Danielle Bernock:

Stop being so sensitive. So just you know, erase your emotions.

Danielle Bernock:

And that in and of itself, is a form of trauma called childhood emotional neglect.

Danielle Bernock:

Also, I went through bullying. I was not born Danielle Bernock.

Danielle Bernock:

I changed my name legally in 1988. I have a trauma that was associated with my name.

Danielle Bernock:

I suffered a trauma at the church where I was publicly humiliated in front of the entire church.

Danielle Bernock:

And that affected me for my entire life.

Danielle Bernock:

Until intervened at a later date and through much process, I was healed of all of that.

Danielle Bernock:

But it was a very lengthy process because my trauma was so deep and multifaceted.

Danielle Bernock:

I discovered later after healing and after I wrote my first book,

Danielle Bernock:

I started learning many of the terms that I didn't know

Danielle Bernock:

what they were back when I suffered them or when I healed from them.

Danielle Bernock:

And I also had a lot of death growing up. My grandmother died in July, one summer.

Danielle Bernock:

And two months later, my father died when I was there, and it was awful to be a witness of that.

Danielle Bernock:

Yes. And four years later, my oldest brother died, I lost a close friend in high school.

Danielle Bernock:

So multiple traumas within like a four, five-year period of death added to the neglect in the bullying.

Danielle Bernock:

It's like I had trauma at home, trauma at school, trauma at the neighborhood

Danielle Bernock:

and trauma at church like where else could it be?

Dr. Brad Miller:

Oh, my goodness. This so your early life was just filled with all traumas

Dr. Brad Miller:

and all the drama that comes with the trauma.

Dr. Brad Miller:

And yet you have found yourself in a process here where you have taken some actions in your life

Dr. Brad Miller:

that you didn't stay stuck there. And what we love to talk about here, Danielle.

Dr. Brad Miller:

these traumas that you have shared.

Dr. Brad Miller:

People who they've had these bad experiences, they've had these adversities,

Dr. Brad Miller:

Whether on childhood and for some people is dramatic things,

Dr. Brad Miller:

I can't help but you know, we're in the time we're in a time of war in Ukraine

Dr. Brad Miller:

and a campus drama and trauma that families are going through

Dr. Brad Miller:

and all the things of that, and that'll stick with them forever.

Danielle Bernock:

What's been going on in the pandemic the last two years.

Danielle Bernock:

The trauma that's just been wielded throughout the whole world,

Danielle Bernock:

and the depression and the suicide rate has gone up.

Dr. Brad Miller:

So a lot of people are really off in the ditch because of whatever happens to them.

Dr. Brad Miller:

And it happens to everybody, but you chose not to stay stuck.

Dr. Brad Miller:

And that's where I want to go with you for a minute or two here.

Dr. Brad Miller:

Danielle, what were some of the actions you took in your life to begin to shift

Dr. Brad Miller:

from the drama and the trauma that you experienced to something else to a better pathway?

Dr. Brad Miller:

What are some of the actions that you took?

Danielle Bernock:

One thing that I think I had going for me even in the midst of all the trauma

Danielle Bernock:

and dealing being a highly sensitive person is in there somewhere,

Danielle Bernock:

I had like a warrior mindset. Okay, I am not going to live like this. I was miserable.

Danielle Bernock:

I had horrible self-harming behaviors. But I kept trying to run away from it in some way.

Danielle Bernock:

I didn't know how, like climbing at the wall and I think that tenacity,

Danielle Bernock:

that drive to want to heal, to be different, to change.

Danielle Bernock:

I think that's extremely important. It's one of my core values.

Danielle Bernock:

Well, in that fight, it was a very messy thing.

Danielle Bernock:

But I took a road trip all the way out to California and back

Danielle Bernock:

trying to run away from myself and my pain.

Danielle Bernock:

I think I wasn't quite sure it was an internal drive I didn't completely understand.

Danielle Bernock:

But it was on that road trip, where God intercepted me.

Danielle Bernock:

I wrote about it, my book, and I have all different kinds of ways of putting it.

Danielle Bernock:

But that was the beginning of change was when I call it.

Danielle Bernock:

He apprehended me, my perception of God was so skewed and messed up.

Danielle Bernock:

But his love intercepted me there. And that was the beginning of making more changes.

Danielle Bernock:

It was what gave me hope, even in the midst of my messed-up mindset about God.

Danielle Bernock:

I thought God was this big mean thing, punisher.

Danielle Bernock:

You have to earn his love. You have to work you, have to do, and all those negative things.

Danielle Bernock:

Yet, I still had a thing in there. That there was hope.

Danielle Bernock:

I think hope is so powerful that people could find a way to hope they can go to the next day.

Danielle Bernock:

They can go to the next thing; they can try something again.

Danielle Bernock:

If you feed that hope, because in the midst of all that misery,

Danielle Bernock:

depression, and fear is such a fear-centered person.

Danielle Bernock:

I reached for hope over and over and over again.

Dr. Brad Miller:

And you were very intentional about it.

Dr. Brad Miller:

It sounds like I mean, you took this road trip, you knew something was not right,

Dr. Brad Miller:

you have to do something about it. And so instead of just kind of stewing in.

Danielle Bernock:

A lot of not right. Lots of drugs and lots of eating disorders and things like that.

Danielle Bernock:

But it's one of the things I say in my first book that it was ignorance.

Danielle Bernock:

But my change wasn't through knowledge or wisdom or anything.

Danielle Bernock:

But what I like to say to quote myself is I got to where I am today because

Danielle Bernock:

I refused to stay where I was. Change is something I have done.

Dr. Brad Miller:

It's that warrior mindset you were speaking of a moment ago.

Dr. Brad Miller:

You refused to stay where you are, you took action.

Dr. Brad Miller:

I love that, Danielle because that just shows that passion within you.

Dr. Brad Miller:

That you got to have enough pain or pain on one side

Dr. Brad Miller:

or yearning for the relief of the pain to do something about that.

Dr. Brad Miller:

And I love that the action part of what we're talking about here of doing that.

Dr. Brad Miller:

Even though you were trying other stuff, you mentioned drugs and eating disorders.

Dr. Brad Miller:

People try all kinds of things that are not healthy.

Danielle Bernock:

The brain is so bad, you're trying to quiet the pain.

Danielle Bernock:

Plus I had been taught, schooled intentionally that children catch things from their parents.

Danielle Bernock:

So of course, you know, the emotions, you don't deal with the emotions.

Danielle Bernock:

My mother squelched her as I learned later on in life

Danielle Bernock:

that both of my parents were emotionally neglected, and they suffered trauma too.

Danielle Bernock:

So I have multi-generational trauma. It was passed along from them.

Danielle Bernock:

And they didn't mean to do that, it was not intentional.

Danielle Bernock:

And I know a lot of people have a hard time dealing with their trauma

Danielle Bernock:

when it's connected their parents because they feel like they're throwing them under the bus.

Danielle Bernock:

It's just a matter of the source of where it was at.

Danielle Bernock:

And then you learn later, you have to focus on healing yourself.

Danielle Bernock:

And then you can deal with other things afterwards,

Dr. Brad Miller:

In terms of the pain you have are the sources of trauma growing up.

Dr. Brad Miller:

You have to identify it and deal with it. But you don't have to live there.

Dr. Brad Miller:

You don't have to stay there, or you stay stuck there. And that's what you're doing here.

Dr. Brad Miller:

You mentioned that on your road trip that you said you are apprehended by God.

Dr. Brad Miller:

I want to go there with you for a minute number.

Dr. Brad Miller:

I'm a big believer that people get through adversity when they take action.

Dr. Brad Miller:

But they also have to connect to something beyond themselves,

Dr. Brad Miller:

beyond people getting in their own head, into their own stuff,

Dr. Brad Miller:

when you start to connect to something greater than themselves.

Dr. Brad Miller:

And that's and oftentimes when people have healing through a drama.

Dr. Brad Miller:

It's they've connected to a higher power.

Dr. Brad Miller:

Sometimes that's through religion, sometimes it's through meditation

Dr. Brad Miller:

or something like it or breathing exercises.

Dr. Brad Miller:

It seems like your apprehended by God experience was a part of your totality,

Dr. Brad Miller:

Any number of things that people do. Tell me about your experience.

Dr. Brad Miller:

of your healing process to connect up with a higher power.

Dr. Brad Miller:

How's that been a part of that process for you?

Danielle Bernock:

That's it. That is the biggest part of my process.

Danielle Bernock:

As I grew up in church a little bit till, I had that horrible trauma that happened in the church.

Danielle Bernock:

And when my grandmother, my dad died, I was really angry with God because

Danielle Bernock:

I felt like he killed them. Which I know I am not alone in that attitude.

Danielle Bernock:

There are many people that blame God when someone dies.

Danielle Bernock:

And then I tried to prove that God didn't exist because I knew enough to get myself in trouble.

Danielle Bernock:

Well, if he exists, I'm in trouble. So I need to prove he doesn't exist so that I'm not in trouble.

Danielle Bernock:

But I was not successful in that.

Danielle Bernock:

Because when I went on this road trip, I was a very angry person from the trauma.

Danielle Bernock:

And finally, through a long-involved process, I found someone to go with me out to California.

Danielle Bernock:

It was this young lady I had just met her for us to go on this trip.

Danielle Bernock:

I met her at school in college. And she brought a Bible with her.

Danielle Bernock:

She just showed up the day to pick for us to leave together.

Danielle Bernock:

She brought a Bible with her it was called The Good News Translation.

Danielle Bernock:

I'd never heard of it before.

Danielle Bernock:

And being the people pleasing, traumatized soul that I was,

Danielle Bernock:

I went and got my bible so that we both have our Bibles.

Danielle Bernock:

Well, mine was a King James Bible.

Danielle Bernock:

It wasn't like either one of us were doing any walking with God.

Danielle Bernock:

So I look back at that and I'm still puzzled why that even happened.

Danielle Bernock:

I just think that was the grace of God interceding or intervening in my life.

Danielle Bernock:

And so we drove, we would get high while we drove.

Danielle Bernock:

We would smoke, we would drink, party while we're driving, which was really stupid.

Danielle Bernock:

And we would read the Bible to each other.

Danielle Bernock:

I'm like that makes a lot of sense. But then I hadn't prayed in a long time.

Dr. Brad Miller:

It's all we both are a search for meaningfulness. But yeah, please carry on.

Danielle Bernock:

Well, we stopped because there was like bad weather.

Danielle Bernock:

And we called home to let them know that that we were okay.

Danielle Bernock:

Because it was two girls on a road trip.

Danielle Bernock:

And that was before cellphones existed. And the operator told us about a tornado.

Danielle Bernock:

And so that was kind of scary, because the operators didn't talk to you.

Danielle Bernock:

And I was having a conversation with the operator.

Danielle Bernock:

And then I prayed, I prayed because I was scared. So I prayed.

Danielle Bernock:

A lot of people pray when they're scared.

Danielle Bernock:

And I saw the clouds moving. Like I thought I saw in the clouds,

Danielle Bernock:

God's stretching out his hands to take care of me.

Danielle Bernock:

And I had this bizarre mentality because I was stuck in an earning mentality

Danielle Bernock:

that because I prayed, God would save me because I'm doing good.

Danielle Bernock:

I wasn't doing good. I was not doing good but had protected us that whole way out.

Danielle Bernock:

I was gone for six weeks. And we did a lot of stupid things.

Danielle Bernock:

But one night, it was raining so hard, that we couldn't drive anymore.

Danielle Bernock:

I had to pull off into a rest area. So we slept in the car.

Danielle Bernock:

And I woke up the next morning, I was in the front seat. She was in the backseat.

Danielle Bernock:

I woke up the next morning, and I felt like I am not alone in this car.

Danielle Bernock:

There's something in here with me that I didn't understand.

Danielle Bernock:

I just felt it. And I felt like it was God drawing me to him.

Danielle Bernock:

And so my initial thing was, I remembered my roots at the church I went to so I'm like,

Danielle Bernock:

you know, okay, Jesus be Lord of my life.

Danielle Bernock:

And you know that, but then all the fear and trauma came raging out in my terror of God erupted.

Danielle Bernock:

And it's almost like I covered my head and ducked like

Danielle Bernock:

back when what they would do under dusks years ago.

Danielle Bernock:

Because I was afraid God was going to kill me. But he didn't.

Danielle Bernock:

And I was like, wow, I am not dead.

Danielle Bernock:

And I think of that line from you have that Raiders of Lost Ark on back there?

Danielle Bernock:

I'm so pleased you're not bad. I was so pleased to not be dead. Yes.

Danielle Bernock:

That was the beginning. And I was puzzled. Because something had changed.

Danielle Bernock:

And I didn't understand it in the slightest.

Danielle Bernock:

And when I after I got home, to short the story.

Danielle Bernock:

My mom had gone back to church not too long before I left or something.

Danielle Bernock:

And so I started going to her church with her.

Danielle Bernock:

And little by little and this other lady, she came in my life

Danielle Bernock:

and she told me about this place where young people were going to church

Danielle Bernock:

and I didn't want to go because it was Friday night and that was party night.

Danielle Bernock:

And she talked me into going once and then I went I stepped started going all the time.

Danielle Bernock:

And that ended up leading me to where I reconnected with someone

Danielle Bernock:

I went to school with and the eighth grade who is now my husband of 42 years.

Danielle Bernock:

And this man named Michael has a whole chapter in my book emerging with wings

Danielle Bernock:

because he was God's gift to me as my first experience with unconditional love.

Danielle Bernock:

And it was through learning love and connecting with God and Lord little by little

Danielle Bernock:

took me in different levels because it took years and years and years.

Danielle Bernock:

For him to heal my soul that took years and years and years for me to believe he actually loved me.

Danielle Bernock:

I have a little book called "Love's Manifesto"

Danielle Bernock:

And there I share how it took 34 years for God to convince me

Danielle Bernock:

that his love was mine, for me, and that I actually believed it, even on the bad days.

Dr. Brad Miller:

So I think it's clear, we're starting to get into how this has been an ongoing part of your transformation process.

Dr. Brad Miller:

An ongoing part of the healing from trauma is the everyday choice,

Dr. Brad Miller:

you made your initial choice that, okay, this life and lifestyle that I was doing,

Dr. Brad Miller:

okay, it's not for me. I'm going to search for something different, I'm going to go this direction.

Dr. Brad Miller:

So the actions you take and continue to take,

Dr. Brad Miller:

we're going to get into some of your new disciplines and things you do now in just a minute.

Dr. Brad Miller:

But this ongoing connection to a higher power is a daily or a regular part of your life,

Dr. Brad Miller:

which is part of your ongoing transformation process.

Dr. Brad Miller:

And I just think it's a part of what is happening with you,

Dr. Brad Miller:

I don't think a really true transformation really happens, Danielle, without this, you know.

Dr. Brad Miller:

There are folks who you against a technical kind of the, you know,

Dr. Brad Miller:

you break an old habit, start a new habit, things like that.

Dr. Brad Miller:

But we need to have that inner transformation as well as the other. Do you agree?

Danielle Bernock:

Yes, we have to think differently.

Danielle Bernock:

And you, we don't think differently on command.

Danielle Bernock:

And I felt that way, when I was like going to church, at the beginning of it,

Danielle Bernock:

they would tell us to do stuff. And I felt like I'm supposed to just instantaneously do these things.

Danielle Bernock:

They were like commands, it's like, I don't know how to think differently.

Danielle Bernock:

I don't know how to change my attitude.

Danielle Bernock:

No one ever taught me I don't know how I'm feeling.

Danielle Bernock:

There's a term called alexithymia, which is when you don't know what you're feeling,

Danielle Bernock:

and you don't know what it's called. And I didn't know what I was feeling.

Danielle Bernock:

Because my feelings were bad, they were evil, they were terrible, don't feel anything.

Danielle Bernock:

God intervened in my life there too.

Danielle Bernock:

And he told me that I needed to stop numbing my feelings,

Danielle Bernock:

or it was going to harm me physically. So that was another journey that he took me on.

Dr. Brad Miller:

So you've been going through this entire process here.

Dr. Brad Miller:

And now you're starting the process of not only healing and the trauma for yourself,

Dr. Brad Miller:

but in several books, and on your website and other things that you teach

Dr. Brad Miller:

and lead and speak and make yourself available to be helpful to others.

Dr. Brad Miller:

You've developed a process then and I had to get in this for a minute here, Danielle,

Dr. Brad Miller:

of a process of the habits or disciplines or patterns of life that you now have

Dr. Brad Miller:

or have emerged that are healthier and help you to grow and to thrive and to overcome the trauma.

Dr. Brad Miller:

Tell us a bit about the how have you changed your thinking,

Dr. Brad Miller:

you mentioned changing thinking, to change your thinking to new disciplines.

Dr. Brad Miller:

Tell us about your process there.

Danielle Bernock:

Well, the process that I went through, I had to see what was going on in my life.

Danielle Bernock:

And then I had to expose the reasons why.

Danielle Bernock:

And then I had to let God lavish his love on me and learn how to love myself,

Danielle Bernock:

before I could take any actions that would lead to my freedom.

Danielle Bernock:

And this was something that happened over and over and over again, I didn't know it that clearly.

Danielle Bernock:

And much of the actions to freedom were repressed, reprocessing, reprogramming my mind.

Danielle Bernock:

Just like a computer because you grow up and you're thinking this thing.

Danielle Bernock:

I think I'm ugly. I think I'm fat. I think all those things, we have to change that.

Danielle Bernock:

And we have to convince ourselves that we believe that because we have these beliefs,

Danielle Bernock:

I hated myself, I thought I was fat and ugly. I bit my fingers until they bled to hurt myself

Danielle Bernock:

was one of the things in the eating disorders.

Danielle Bernock:

And I was trying to kill myself slowly because I was trying to torment myself because I thought I deserved it.

Danielle Bernock:

But going through this process, and little by little changing my view of myself

Danielle Bernock:

to seeing myself differently, to seeing my circumstances differently,

Danielle Bernock:

and having developed the courage to expose the reasons and causes behind them.

Danielle Bernock:

Because you can't fix something you can't see.

Danielle Bernock:

This is one of my passions to help people is the hidden trauma.

Danielle Bernock:

There are traumas that people know they call it trauma, they're easy to call it that.

Danielle Bernock:

But there are things that people they dismiss it that it's not trauma. Yes, it is.

Danielle Bernock:

Trauma is not really that incident. Trauma is the injury that took place in the brain and in the soul.

Danielle Bernock:

It's what's left behind, that needs the attention and needs to heal.

Danielle Bernock:

And people need to hear this and it's a passion of mine to shine the light on these hidden things

Danielle Bernock:

so people can heal and embrace what I like to call their God given greatness.

Danielle Bernock:

So through this process, I've developed a process to help my clients and students

Danielle Bernock:

and I call it the SELF process which reflects See, Expose, Love, and Free

Danielle Bernock:

and it's repetitive because you go through layers of healing. You have to see where you are today.

Danielle Bernock:

How am I behaving today? How do I feel today? And then expose why.

Danielle Bernock:

Why do you feel that way? Why are you there? What do you know about that?

Danielle Bernock:

And then love yourself and take in love from others, let yourself be loved.

Danielle Bernock:

You know, I'm a Christian. So I believe in God, and I receive His love.

Danielle Bernock:

I know other people; they don't feel that way.

Danielle Bernock:

But even receiving love from other people,

Danielle Bernock:

because we are created as love creatures we need to love and be loved.

Danielle Bernock:

And that third part of the process is so crucial and critical.

Danielle Bernock:

Because love is what gives us the courage to do the fourth step of free to set yourself free to take the action.

Danielle Bernock:

And if you come up with one thing you can do, and then you do that, and you start over again.

Danielle Bernock:

With the See, Expose, Love, and Free and you do it again. Little by little, you get free.

Danielle Bernock:

That's how we overcome habits. I started doing hand weights a few years ago,

Danielle Bernock:

and I started with little one pounders. And then I hit five pounders and 10 pounders, 15, pounders,

Danielle Bernock:

20 pounders, well, if I would have started with the 20 pounders, it wouldn't have worked.

Danielle Bernock:

So we have to start and then just layer by layer, by layer by layer, work on it.

Dr. Brad Miller:

And what you're teaching on your process and your coaching and your books

Dr. Brad Miller:

is this SELF process that basically helps people to get in touch with their trauma,

Dr. Brad Miller:

but then to learn to love themselves. And to leave, they leave your place of being

Dr. Brad Miller:

what you call being gratefully being grateful and engaged in life.

Dr. Brad Miller:

And that's a great thing and love to hear that.

Dr. Brad Miller:

And that's part of what I love to hear on the people I love to talk to have a process of you're doing that.

Dr. Brad Miller:

And then I'd like to hear what kind of impact that makes.

Dr. Brad Miller:

And what I mean by that is, Danielle, a big part of the process,

Dr. Brad Miller:

then is not only to discover this for yourself this self-process,

Dr. Brad Miller:

but to love others enough to share it with them.

Dr. Brad Miller:

And that's part of what you do and your website and your books.

Dr. Brad Miller:

But I'm sure that you've had some folks in your life who you've encountered or served,

Dr. Brad Miller:

that you may be witness to or seen some sort of transformation and that's always a cool thing to happen.

Dr. Brad Miller:

Can you share with us? So testimonial basically of a person or?

Danielle Bernock:

Yes, I've served two specific ones I love to share.

Dr. Brad Miller:

All right let's hear that.

Danielle Bernock:

There is no greater joy than to help someone get their own aha moment.

Danielle Bernock:

When the light goes on, they go ha, and then it changes everything.

Danielle Bernock:

One of my coaching clients, she is a little older. And it was during the pandemic in 2020.

Danielle Bernock:

And she was dealing with just fear in general.

Danielle Bernock:

And I coached her through this, and she started to see

Danielle Bernock:

that she had trauma from her childhood that she had dismissed because her mother dismissed it.

Danielle Bernock:

When she took the inappropriateness of her family friend tutor to her mother, her mother just blew her off.

Danielle Bernock:

And she was just had to keep going and being by this man who was doing inappropriate things,

Danielle Bernock:

and other verbal abuses and other things that she was subjected to.

Danielle Bernock:

And she was able to identify the difference between the abuse and the trauma

Danielle Bernock:

and the good parts to separate the two from each other

Danielle Bernock:

and hold on to the good and to let go of the bad

Danielle Bernock:

and to own it and call it what it was: trauma.

Danielle Bernock:

Because it left that wound on her she was so self-attacking and diminishing of herself.

Danielle Bernock:

If she would have no self-compassion since then.

Danielle Bernock:

She has just taken off in her social personality with others.

Danielle Bernock:

It is amazing like watching a flower bloom,

Danielle Bernock:

she lost about 50 pounds just as a side effect of how she treated herself differently.

Dr. Brad Miller:

Sure, it's awesome.

Danielle Bernock:

When I have seen her, I saw her at an event, and she brought one of her family members to introduce to me

Danielle Bernock:

and this family member says to me, thank you for what you did

Danielle Bernock:

she is a completely different person

Dr. Brad Miller:

That's awesome.

Danielle Bernock:

That's phenomenal. That's transformation.

Dr. Brad Miller:

That's a great affirmation to you and what you're teaching that something good has happened there.

Danielle Bernock:

And the second one was one woman who took my course heal your childhood self.

Danielle Bernock:

And she had been so through processes to deal with her trauma, so she had dealt with some.

Danielle Bernock:

But she discovered a hidden one she had diminished as nothing.

Danielle Bernock:

She was able to address it, and gain the freedom she didn't even know was possible

Danielle Bernock:

because that thing was hiding. And I helped to bring light to that aspect of her life.

Danielle Bernock:

And so I'm very excited about that as well.

Dr. Brad Miller:

That's awesome. Well, that's a great need. Everybody's got drama.

Dr. Brad Miller:

You know, we've mentioned your last couple years we've experienced with COVID

Dr. Brad Miller:

and things of the world, it's there for everybody that's just kind of magnifies what is already there.

Dr. Brad Miller:

And in whatever ways life, whatever the personal matters,

Dr. Brad Miller:

it might be a relationship issue, health issue, finances, any number of things can happen.

Dr. Brad Miller:

But we have to have tools to deal with it in yourself.

Dr. Brad Miller:

Process is certainly helpful. So if folks want to get connected to you, Danielle,

Dr. Brad Miller:

through your website and things your offer. What are some ways they can do that?

Dr. Brad Miller:

What would be a good starting point, if someone who really wants to connect with you

Dr. Brad Miller:

and get some of the good stuff that you offer?

Danielle Bernock:

On my website, you can connect to anything I have on my website. I have free resources there.

Danielle Bernock:

I have my books there, my courses are there, my coaching is there.

Danielle Bernock:

I have a short little course that's only $27 is the Seven-day Challenge to Love Yourself.

Danielle Bernock:

That's a short seven days. So it's short and it's inexpensive, if they're looking for that.

Danielle Bernock:

And I also have a podcast that they could listen to called Victorious Souls

Danielle Bernock:

which focuses on getting the victory in your life because of my core values

Danielle Bernock:

with being a Victoria Solar Love and Honor-centric, warrior mindset, taking ownership of your life and self-care.

Danielle Bernock:

And the self is really important to me because that's the core of where our choices are at.

Danielle Bernock:

It is the self who makes the choices. So we have to focus on that

Danielle Bernock:

so that you can make intentional choices and not just be pushed down the line

Danielle Bernock:

because of codependency or any other kind of issues. There are side effects from that trauma.

Dr. Brad Miller:

Several great things there. I've been on your website, lots of great resources very well put together

Dr. Brad Miller:

and lots of great opportunities, several books that you have, and some great resources

Dr. Brad Miller:

based out of your own experience from the lady on the internet who loves you.

Dr. Brad Miller:

Her name is Danielle Bernock. You can find her at daniellebernock.com.

Dr. Brad Miller:

And she is a trauma informed self-love coach, author and speaker

Dr. Brad Miller:

and she has been our guest today on the Beyond Diversity Podcast with Dr. Brad Miller.

Dr. Brad Miller:

Danielle, thank you for being our guest today.

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