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202: Discover the Key Within to Unlock Your Best Life with Ann Papayoti the author of “The Gift of Shift”
Episode 2029th June 2022 • The Beyond Adversity Podcast with Dr. Brad Miller • Dr Brad Miller
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She is a professional coach that established Sky View Coaching and an author of the book called “The Gift of Shift: Discover the Key Within to Unlock Your Best Life”

Sky View Coaching aims to help people survive and go through the hardships in life. With her personal experience, she is able to help people in the adversity they are confronting.

Papayoti has experienced and is still experiencing adversity in her life. She first had to deal with the betrayal of her best friend and her past relationship. She also had to endure being in an abusive and unhealthy marriage with a narcissistic husband. Not only that, but she also lost a son she had with her first husband. Now, her son in his current husband has the condition of epilepsy and high functioning Asperger's which resulted to the son’s social and academic challenges.

Papayoti also discusses in this episode all about her book. In this book, it aims to enlighten you into having your best life despite the challenges that you are facing. Everyone has its own challenges they have to face, and the key to shift is to survive them.

Episode 202 of The Beyond Adversity Podcast are for those who wants to change their lives for the better. This is for those people who wants to start anew, forgiving and forgetting all about the bad things they encountered in life.

This episode discusses all about the adversity that Papayoti has had in her life as well as all about her personal coaching business and a book entitled ‘The Gift of Shift’.

“The Beyond Adversity Podcast with Dr. Brad Miller is published weekly with the mission of helping people “Grow Through What They Go Through” as they navigate adversity and discover their promised life of peace, prosperity, and purpose. 

https://skyviewcoaching.com/

Book – The Gift of Shift: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B08SR1HTL6

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/annpapayoti/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/skyviewcoaching/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/annpapayoti/

Transcripts

Dr. Brad Miller::

We have Ann Papayoti with us. She has Sky View Coaching, which is all

Dr. Brad Miller::

about helping you through the storms of life. But today we're really going

Dr. Brad Miller::

to key in on her new book is called The Gift of Shift, which is discovering

Dr. Brad Miller::

the keys within you to unlock your best life. It's all about how you can

Dr. Brad Miller::

embrace wrapped gifts in your life, and to adapt them in spite of the

Dr. Brad Miller::

hardships and challenges that she has had. And you have had, that

Dr. Brad Miller::

she's had a number, I'll let her unpack the situations the challenges

Dr. Brad Miller::

that she's had in life, but we all have them. And she has had them

Dr. Brad Miller::

as well. And getting through them is the key to shift. So, Ann Papayoti,

Dr. Brad Miller::

welcome to Beyond Adversity.

Ann Papayoti::

Thank you, Brad, I'm so happy to be here with you today.

Dr. Brad Miller::

It is indeed an honor. I've looked through your material, and you have had

Dr. Brad Miller::

a number of challenges in your life. This podcast is all about facing the

Dr. Brad Miller::

reality that people have all kinds of difficulties that they deal with. It is

Dr. Brad Miller::

a given in life that we have adversity. And yet some people get stuck.

Dr. Brad Miller::

Some people go into a downward spiral, and they go into self destructive

Dr. Brad Miller::

patterns. We all have to face adversity, we have to make choices. And

Dr. Brad Miller::

so let's hear a little bit about your situation, the circumstances that led

Dr. Brad Miller::

you to face some challenges in your life. And that led you eventually to

Dr. Brad Miller::

writing this book to The Gift of Shift. Tell us a bit about your background

Dr. Brad Miller::

give us context for our conversation today.

Ann Papayoti::

Absolutely. Well, unlike many people, perhaps that you may talk with

Ann Papayoti::

about their adversity, I had a happy childhood. I was happy go lucky.

Ann Papayoti::

Everything was great. I had my life planned out. You know, great parents,

Ann Papayoti::

good upbringing, I grew up in church, I'm from Alabama, I originally had a

Ann Papayoti::

Southern Baptist kind of background and, and thought life in that realm.

Ann Papayoti::

And until things did get turned upside down, and that started when I was

Ann Papayoti::

about 20 years old. And it was from the betrayal of a friend. Betrayal is

Ann Papayoti::

one of those most hurtful human experiences we can go through because

Ann Papayoti::

everything we thought we knew to be true is turned upside down. So as

Ann Papayoti::

my best friend and the betrayal of my best friend was deliberate, and it

Ann Papayoti::

was with the young man I thought I was going to marry. So I lost the two

Ann Papayoti::

people closest to me at the same time, and I lost them to one another. So

Ann Papayoti::

everything that I knew from childhood that had been, as I said, happy, carefree,

Ann Papayoti::

without adversity was now just completely confusing. Because I was taught the

Ann Papayoti::

golden rule. I thought that I was good to people, people would be good to me. I

Ann Papayoti::

thought that life was gonna turn out as it was planned. I also learned in childhood

Ann Papayoti::

that when there was adversity, someone helped you resolve it, even went to the

Ann Papayoti::

principal's office helps you reset, the teacher set you down, the parents set you

Ann Papayoti::

down. There was no resolving this, there was no let's sit down and figure it out.

Ann Papayoti::

Therefore I made it about me. So what was wrong with me that I was not good

Ann Papayoti::

enough as a friend or I was not good enough on some level. What did I do?

Ann Papayoti::

The lesson that I learned eventually was that in anything anyone says or does,

Ann Papayoti::

it's about them, but I personalized it. I made myself a victim of someone else's

Ann Papayoti::

actions. So the hurt, it hurt, Betrayal hurts, but I prolonged the hurt. And another

Ann Papayoti::

lesson that I learned is that pain is inevitable in life, as you were saying we're all

Ann Papayoti::

gonna go through things. The suffering is optional, but I prolonged my suffering

Ann Papayoti::

from this betrayal. And I was a walking talking wound for a long time. And then

Ann Papayoti::

the betrayal became self betrayal. So it's something you were alluding to earlier.

Ann Papayoti::

My actions became self punishing, because I made it about me. And I said,

Ann Papayoti::

What's wrong with you? You must not be good enough on some level for the

Ann Papayoti::

people closest to you to turn against you. I felt like I was drowning because I

Ann Papayoti::

was so confused about what was happening in my life. I started doing what

Ann Papayoti::

I call the overs and unders, Brad, overdrinking, overeating, underperforming,

Ann Papayoti::

and underachieving at school. I went from someone who had life planned out

Ann Papayoti::

had always been the good student, the good girl to the opposites. And

Ann Papayoti::

I guess in a way I and I started hiding from God kind Like, if behind the big

Ann Papayoti::

because I was in, then I felt shame. So my license, I knew it was completely

Ann Papayoti::

gone. Now eventually, I started picking myself up, I started taking some

Ann Papayoti::

kind of responsibility for my life. And I said, I gotta get out of here. This isn't

Ann Papayoti::

good. And so one chapter in the book is called The Gift of the Bandaid because

Ann Papayoti::

we have to cooperate with time for healing. And so I said, I have to stop exposing

Ann Papayoti::

my wound to that which keeps hurting me. So I changed schools, changed

Ann Papayoti::

environments, got around different friends, because the people who love me

Ann Papayoti::

kind of kept the wind alive by saying, I can't believe they did that to you.

Ann Papayoti::

Just get over it, you know, things that weren't really helpful to me. So I did,

Ann Papayoti::

I took some actions. And I know you're all about action, Brad. I took some

Ann Papayoti::

actions that looks like the right things. And they were on a lot of levels,

Ann Papayoti::

but there was still a hole inside me. And I hate that line, in the Jerry Maguire

Ann Papayoti::

movie. You know, you complete me. That led to that next thing. So what

Ann Papayoti::

happened was while I looked like I was coming out of it, I lost weight,

Ann Papayoti::

got my you know, started making better choices in life, finished

Ann Papayoti::

school at a different university, got a good job.

Ann Papayoti::

I ran into the next relationship. And that next relationship was

Ann Papayoti::

someone who knew us all back when. There because there was

Ann Papayoti::

a hole in me. There was a needy heart I had not fulfilled myself.

Ann Papayoti::

I needed to hear what he had to say. He said, he built me up with

Ann Papayoti::

his words, he filled that hole in my heart. And I felt like I was completed.

Ann Papayoti::

And it felt like what it felt like, love. Because I thought this was love.

Ann Papayoti::

I had loved her. I loved him, and that was desecrated. That must not have

Ann Papayoti::

been like, Well, this must be love. And it was again, a very confusing time in

Ann Papayoti::

my life. Well, unfortunately, he happened to be a narcissist. And those of us

Ann Papayoti::

who know about narcissistic relationships or in relation with them, they idolize

Ann Papayoti::

you at first, so they'll be up only eventually to tear me down. So that led to an

Ann Papayoti::

abusive unhealthy marriage, where I felt like I was just thrown overboard again,

Ann Papayoti::

drowning, again, lost and the only people who could save me were all these

Ann Papayoti::

people who kept betraying me on some level. So eventually, Brad, I had to

Ann Papayoti::

figure out how to do it for myself.

Dr. Brad Miller::

Wow. So you had this kind of similar pattern happening here, you had the betrayal with your prior relationship and ended up with a narcissistic relationship with your husband, and you were married to this person?

Ann Papayoti::

Yes.

Dr. Brad Miller::

Did that marriage last or not?

Ann Papayoti::

It lasted longer than it should have. It lasted eight years, but three months

Ann Papayoti::

into the marriage, I knew that I had made a mistake, because that's when

Ann Papayoti::

the table's turned. And but here again, now I've lost because I had not

Ann Papayoti::

completed myself. There's that hole again, well, it must be me, I made it

Ann Papayoti::

about me again, it must be me who's not worthy. it must be me who's not

Ann Papayoti::

desirable, it must be me at fault. And so it just solidified the messages from

Ann Papayoti::

the previous experience. And here I was lost at sea again. So it took this

Ann Papayoti::

experience and I'm going through this again. And I'm just completely lost.

Ann Papayoti::

And I describe it as at sea. Because that's what it felt like I would go

Ann Papayoti::

underwater, I feel like I was drowning and come up for air just long

Ann Papayoti::

enough and get pushed back down.

Dr. Brad Miller::

And I'm sorry, you were lost in the Red Sea. And there's other life

Dr. Brad Miller::

still happens even in that eight years, even when you're lost at sea

Dr. Brad Miller::

life still happens, for instance, whether children are involved with your marriage.

Ann Papayoti::

Yes.

Dr. Brad Miller::

So that's just another factor that comes into play here. And other

Dr. Brad Miller::

things happen, job career, other relationships, finances, health

Dr. Brad Miller::

related, all kinds of things come into play. Life happens when you

Dr. Brad Miller::

still have but you still have this underlying issue of how you've dealt

Dr. Brad Miller::

with unhealthy relationships in these patterns that you're in. And so

Dr. Brad Miller::

when you're in something unhealthy and not working, you either stay

Dr. Brad Miller::

stuck in it, or you go into decline, kind of despair and other things that

Dr. Brad Miller::

people go into, or you choose to break out of it and and you choose to

Dr. Brad Miller::

take some actions to get you out of it. So what are some of the things

Dr. Brad Miller::

that you began to do out of all this pattern that you're in, to do something

Dr. Brad Miller::

different to take some actions to break these patterns.

Ann Papayoti::

I feel like I was one of these people who my job kept me afloat, because

Ann Papayoti::

it was like a life outside of this life. So I was successful at my job. So in a

Ann Papayoti::

way, though, it allowed me to stay longer than I should have, and not take

Ann Papayoti::

the action necessary to break out of it. So I had this job. And so it gave me

Ann Papayoti::

this task of achievement. And so I was succeeding on to the outside world,

Ann Papayoti::

everything looks okay. And successful and achieving and then moving forward.

Ann Papayoti::

And it reminds me of something I share in the book in the chapter called The Gift

Ann Papayoti::

of fluency. Back home in my State of Alabama, my dad taught me how to swim in

Ann Papayoti::

late Cosby. But he insisted I learned how to float first. And I remember I was very

Ann Papayoti::

impatient with this as a child, because I, I wouldn't learn how to swim because that

Ann Papayoti::

man, I could go on the other side of the rope, where the kids could go off the diving

Ann Papayoti::

platform and hang out in the urinal in the deeper water and play games. But he said,

Ann Papayoti::

No, you're going to learn how to float first because if you only learn how to swim,

Ann Papayoti::

you're going to wear out and tire out, and eventually sink, possibly drown. So float

Ann Papayoti::

first, I had no idea how important that life lesson would be. What I realized, I was

Ann Papayoti::

just going to swimming, swimming, swimming, swimming. And that's what I had

Ann Papayoti::

done. After the betrayal, In university, I had slammed to the first vote, because

Ann Papayoti::

I was tired. I had a whole inmate right, assigned to the first vote, which was this

Ann Papayoti::

relationship that felt like love. Because I hadn't healed myself, I hadn't stopped

Ann Papayoti::

and floated and reflected and figured things out, swam to the first boat. So now

Ann Papayoti::

here, I'm just going, going, going in my professional life into the outside world.

Ann Papayoti::

And even though people were starting to pick on pick up on that, I just ended it,

Ann Papayoti::

because it was embarrassing and humiliating that this was how I was living at

Ann Papayoti::

home. But the first thing that happened that started waking me up, was I had

Ann Papayoti::

a child in the marriage, who was born prematurely, and he passed away at

Ann Papayoti::

two weeks of age.

Dr. Brad Miller::

Okay.

Ann Papayoti::

And I talked about this in the chapter called The Gift to Charlie Brown. And when

Ann Papayoti::

I went through this very deeply personal loss in experience with grief, I realized

Ann Papayoti::

that this child came for a reason and I had to find meaning and purpose for his

Ann Papayoti::

life. And I failed it. And I found it through an opportunity that came to

Ann Papayoti::

speak to a group of resident intern pediatricians, and to bring his story

Ann Papayoti::

to them that they could carry with them throughout their careers.

Ann Papayoti::

But after he passed, I was I felt God grooming me and preparing me

Ann Papayoti::

to bleed my life with more purpose as well. That in that moment, I felt

Ann Papayoti::

that God in my son had changed my husband. And so I actually stayed

Ann Papayoti::

thinking that part of my child's purpose was to create this change and this

Ann Papayoti::

awakening. And it did. For about six months, I would like to think it I'm sure

Ann Papayoti::

it changed my ex-husband, I'm sure it changed him on some level, but the

Ann Papayoti::

permanence and that I had hoped for was not there.

Dr. Brad Miller::

Okay,

Ann Papayoti::

But we can see did another child during this kind of period of respite

Ann Papayoti::

and peace. And it was this child and during this child's toddler shift,

Ann Papayoti::

I'll call it that I continue to be groomed. I like to say I went to God's

Ann Papayoti::

beauty school because I truly thought he was grooming, constantly

Ann Papayoti::

grooming preparing me for the act of courage that it would take to

Ann Papayoti::

leave my marriage, because the abuse started right away again, while

Ann Papayoti::

I was pregnant with with my second son. When he was 22 months old,

Ann Papayoti::

as I share in the Gift of Grits chapter. He stood between me and his

Ann Papayoti::

six football for father and I'm five foot three if I stretch. And he said

Ann Papayoti::

he's 22 months old and says no dada, no. And he says mama dada,

Ann Papayoti::

bad mean he called. And I

Ann Papayoti::

Yes.

Dr. Brad Miller::

And dramatic dramatic, is sometimes you

Dr. Brad Miller::

have these moments that are just pivotal. They're

Dr. Brad Miller::

just aha moments. What are you gonna call it but

Dr. Brad Miller::

there are moments of enlightenment. And they can come

Dr. Brad Miller::

from any place. Sometimes it's from a song or sometimes it's from

Dr. Brad Miller::

somebody else in their life, or even a book or something.

Dr. Brad Miller::

In this case it was for from your toddler gave you that moment, right?

Ann Papayoti::

That's right. And sometimes when we and I knew I was making these

Ann Papayoti::

progressive steps of I felt myself being prepared to have that courage.

Ann Papayoti::

Right. But I feel like for all of this spread, there's a moment in time when

Ann Papayoti::

we're ready for change, that crosses with opportunity. And I talk about in

Ann Papayoti::

this scared of heights, and I've talked about in this chapter, it's like I was

Ann Papayoti::

on the proverbial diving board. And I'm shivering, it's like, you can't go

Ann Papayoti::

back down the ladder. But you're too scared to dive off, right? And

Ann Papayoti::

I'm shivering. But in that moment, when my son did that, I dove. unlike

Ann Papayoti::

it now. And I dove and I told my husband, he had to leave. And he

Ann Papayoti::

laughed at me. And it wasn't an easy transition to to end up going

Ann Papayoti::

through divorce with him. But I did it. And you know, it was exhilarating

Ann Papayoti::

and frightening at the same time. But I took that dive in that moment

Ann Papayoti::

that opportunity presented itself. And that's one thing that I've learned

Ann Papayoti::

and these gifts of shift, shifting your perspective and grabbing onto the

Ann Papayoti::

opportunity to see things differently, going through the grief with the

Ann Papayoti::

death of my first son, but grabbing on to the opportunity that was

Ann Papayoti::

presented to give meaning to his life by sharing his story with these

Ann Papayoti::

60-70 Pediatricians that we're going to touch so many other families

Ann Papayoti::

and knowing that that if nothing else, that that was something that

Ann Papayoti::

my son did. And then this opportunity, taking care of using this

Ann Papayoti::

opportunity. We have to grab hold the opportunities. But to do that,

Ann Papayoti::

Brad, what do we have to do, we have to look up from our pain, we

Ann Papayoti::

have to get out of the darkness. And when we do there's light. And

Ann Papayoti::

when we see light, we see options. And when we see options,

Ann Papayoti::

we have choice. Okay?

Dr. Brad Miller::

Well, let's pause there for a sec, I want to reflect with you just just a

Dr. Brad Miller::

second here and that you have this situation is going to be the death

Dr. Brad Miller::

of a child, which is drama, and one of the deepest levels of stress

Dr. Brad Miller::

anyone can have you have another child, another level of stress.

Dr. Brad Miller::

You have the history of difficult relationships, and you have the

Dr. Brad Miller::

present relationship, which is not good. And you also have, you know,

Dr. Brad Miller::

abuse going on. And we don't need to get all the details of that. But

Dr. Brad Miller::

that must have been horrifying in its own right. And you haven't

Dr. Brad Miller::

mentioned about the physical differences have to be intimidating and

Dr. Brad Miller::

that type of thing. So you have all this going on, which also means you

Dr. Brad Miller::

have all this turmoil in your head. And you also have this history of keeping

Dr. Brad Miller::

the same patterns going on. But the decisions that you made. And let's

Dr. Brad Miller::

just kind of clarify them, you had your aha moment. You've made your

Dr. Brad Miller::

aha moment to move schools, things like that. You had your aha moment

Dr. Brad Miller::

that had to do with you know, this what your toddler child said, to jump

Dr. Brad Miller::

off the diving board moment, then you actually verbalize that. Because

Dr. Brad Miller::

not everybody does that. Some people have that aha moment, then don't

Dr. Brad Miller::

act on it. You have to verbalize that to your ex husband. And then you had

Dr. Brad Miller::

to do whatever steps came next. And you said there's something about

Dr. Brad Miller::

looking up to some illuminating place. And I want to go with you there

Dr. Brad Miller::

for a second. And because we're you know, everybody has pain, but

Dr. Brad Miller::

what to do with it makes a difference. But the transformation takes place,

Dr. Brad Miller::

from not only the external actions that we take, I call that kind of the

Dr. Brad Miller::

physical, but also takes place when we connect with that illumination or

Dr. Brad Miller::

that higher power, or that spiritual enlightenment, whatever it is for each

Dr. Brad Miller::

of us and tell me was that a part of your experience. Some sort of a

Dr. Brad Miller::

spiritual track that help you here? Or tell me about any part of that

Dr. Brad Miller::

kind of a connection to something greater than yourself, that a part

Dr. Brad Miller::

of this transformation process for you?

Ann Papayoti::

Absolutely. And there were so many things, I think when I finally

Ann Papayoti::

chose to take responsibility for my life, for my own outcomes, and

Ann Papayoti::

choose to, rather than see life is happening to me, that happening

Ann Papayoti::

for me. What I realized was, I could hear, I could hear a connection

Ann Papayoti::

that had always been there that I had sort of filtered out if that

Ann Papayoti::

makes sense. Because when I was down and letting at the effects of

Ann Papayoti::

life, rather than at the cause of it, when I was at the effect of it and

Ann Papayoti::

everything was confusing and dark and I'm underwater. I mean, think

Ann Papayoti::

about when you're underwater, everything's muffled. And so when I

Ann Papayoti::

was underwater, everything was muffled. So I like I wasn't hearing

Ann Papayoti::

God or my spiritual connection or any kind of divine guidance. But

Ann Papayoti::

when I stopped holding my breath and surface and literally chose to

Ann Papayoti::

say, Okay, I'm going to float like my dad taught me. And I'm going to

Ann Papayoti::

reconnect to my breath, to my heartbeat, to who I am at the core,

Ann Papayoti::

the truth of who I am, which is, you know, a child of God and who I

Ann Papayoti::

was created to be, and I was not created to live this way. I was not

Ann Papayoti::

created to suffer. I was created to live my best life and what does that

Ann Papayoti::

look like? And I'm responsible for that. And when I did that I could hear

Ann Papayoti::

again, and I could connect again. And I noticed and I looked back, I'm like,

Ann Papayoti::

wow, you know, it's that hope. But Prince, I was like, this is where he was

Ann Papayoti::

always the thing, this, this, this, this, and I could see all the times that

Ann Papayoti::

God was with me when I lost my son, when I told my ex to leave, and

Ann Papayoti::

my neighbor was outside I tell him the book where I felt angels coming

Ann Papayoti::

under my arms and truly lifting me and I saw my neighbor on his deck,

Ann Papayoti::

and there was a comfort about knowing there was a witness. And I, the fact

Ann Papayoti::

that he was outside smoking his cigar, just gave me peace. And I knew my ex

Ann Papayoti::

husband, seeing him also told him, he needed to do what I asked, which was

Ann Papayoti::

unusual, you know. So there are just all these different little spiritual connections

Ann Papayoti::

in moments that I might have missed, had I've been underwater, and not paid

Ann Papayoti::

attention. But again, rising up to the light, they're there, we just have to

Ann Papayoti::

notice our lives.

Dr. Brad Miller::

Yeah. Oh, that's awesome. Because that's that connection, we

Dr. Brad Miller::

are disconnected. When we are disconnected from that force, then

Dr. Brad Miller::

everything is muddled. It is you know, you're not floating there, you're

Dr. Brad Miller::

you're sinking. Your metaphor, and but it does take you know, you have

Dr. Brad Miller::

to be open to that connection, you got to do your part to make that

Dr. Brad Miller::

connection happen. And that's awesome. And the other part of this

Dr. Brad Miller::

whole process here, Ann, and I picked it up in what you talk about is

Dr. Brad Miller::

you talk about shift here. You know, shifting from kind of one way

Dr. Brad Miller::

of life to the other, you talk about kind of seeing the gifts and bad

Dr. Brad Miller::

stuff has happened to see the gifts in that in your book. But let's talk

Dr. Brad Miller::

about how that plays out, and how you know how you actually apply

Dr. Brad Miller::

that what I'm talking about here is the cognitive piece, or how you

Dr. Brad Miller::

generate new patterns, new disciplines, new habits in your life, that

Dr. Brad Miller::

help you be a healthier person, and to move forward to the woman

Dr. Brad Miller::

you are now as a coach and as a person who has something to offer

Dr. Brad Miller::

to others. But what are some of the shifts that you made that you

Dr. Brad Miller::

teach others, now? What are some things that you do?

Ann Papayoti::

I recognize, first and foremost, that everything was energy, and that

Ann Papayoti::

I had to own my thought life. And that even like thoughts are energy

Ann Papayoti::

and that they're going to affect everything, and everyone in my realm.

Ann Papayoti::

And so when I took responsibility for my life, I had to recognize, like you

Ann Papayoti::

said, it's not just actions, but my thoughts, were actually creating how I

Ann Papayoti::

feel, and that my feelings or my emotions were dictating what I did or

Ann Papayoti::

didn't do, and a lot of by default was to not do. That's why I stayed in the

Ann Papayoti::

marriage. So long, right? My default naturally is to go to helpless, hopeless,

Ann Papayoti::

defeated. And one thing I had to do was get mad, get mad Brad. And not to

Ann Papayoti::

get mad in a way that's rude or ugly, that would be going against my true

Ann Papayoti::

nature. And that would also be self-sabotaging and self-defeating. And I've

Ann Papayoti::

done enough of that, that I'd get mad long enough to fuel myself out of that

Ann Papayoti::

depressive, bottom self loathing place, and get mad and say, I will not live

Ann Papayoti::

like this any longer. This is not what I'm called to do. And by doing

Dr. Brad Miller::

you get mad and motivated, but you guys get mad and depressed and

Dr. Brad Miller::

destructive. You get mad and constructive. And that's what I'm talking

Dr. Brad Miller::

about here.

Ann Papayoti::

That's right, I used it for fuel, just like now I'm gonna get mad at my

Ann Papayoti::

current husband, number two, who's amazing, by the way, but I can

Ann Papayoti::

get the weekend, I can be mad at him. And my fuel is I gotta do

Ann Papayoti::

something display and I'll go just do the dishes. And it's done. It's not

Ann Papayoti::

about not we're human, we're going to experience human emotions.

Ann Papayoti::

And when we interpret something as stress, we pretty much have a

Ann Papayoti::

default we're either going to feel, you know, defeated, or angry on

Ann Papayoti::

some level. It's not about not going there. It's about not getting stuck.

Ann Papayoti::

So what I've learned is, after awareness comes choice, and that's self

Ann Papayoti::

mastery, Brad, and I have made a commitment to self mastery. To intercept

Ann Papayoti::

myself before I take an action or get stuck in an inaction, something apathetic

Ann Papayoti::

or lethargic. And I know a lot of people who may be listening who may feel like

Ann Papayoti::

they can't affect change in their life. I just can't. And when you think you can't,

Ann Papayoti::

you won't. So you have to pull yourself out and you have to get mad long

Ann Papayoti::

enough at where you're at just to fuel yourself up, say I'm going to do

Ann Papayoti::

something differently. That's responsibility. And that's that first level up

Ann Papayoti::

in the light and that first level up in the light of thinking that you're going

Ann Papayoti::

to take risk sponsibility for your life allows you to feel what I call the F word

Ann Papayoti::

in our business, Brad, and you don't have to bleep me.

Dr. Brad Miller::

I'm not planning on it, but let's lay it out here.

Ann Papayoti::

Okay, it's forgiveness. And it's not Mother Teresa level forgiveness, Brad.

Ann Papayoti::

It's forgiveness just at the level of letting go. I'm gonna let go of the people,

Ann Papayoti::

the places, the things, kind of like I tried to do when I left the university, that

Ann Papayoti::

will sink me down into that victim and conflict thought life that creates

Ann Papayoti::

those feelings, and therefore the actions or inactions that are not serving

Ann Papayoti::

me. So letting go is the lesson. That's the level of forgiveness, even for

Ann Papayoti::

yourself, especially for yourself, so that you could cooperate with life, to

Ann Papayoti::

create the outcomes that you really, really want and deserve, then you

Ann Papayoti::

can move up into loving compassion, and then you can move up into

Ann Papayoti::

connection like you're talking about, that's when you can hear and

Ann Papayoti::

listen and connect to your higher consciousness, your intuition.

Dr. Brad Miller::

I think the forgiveness piece there. And if you'll allow me, also connect

Dr. Brad Miller::

what you said a second ago about the energy piece. What I mean by

Dr. Brad Miller::

that is, if you are not, if you choose not to forgive, or you allow yourself

Dr. Brad Miller::

to be dissolved into anger, that is destructive, or bitterness, that is

Dr. Brad Miller::

energy depleting, and that just takes you down to a better place. And

Dr. Brad Miller::

really, that's not a good place to be either personally, or in relationship

Dr. Brad Miller::

with others. It doesn't help you build anything new if you're bitter. You

Dr. Brad Miller::

get stuck there as well. To get better means to be forgiving, doesn't

Dr. Brad Miller::

mean you forget it, there's still justice, there's still, you know, all kinds

Dr. Brad Miller::

of other things, accountability, all kinds of things still apply. Forgiveness

Dr. Brad Miller::

doesn't mean being walked over, by the way. It also means to be a strong

Dr. Brad Miller::

person, a strong woman, a strong man, a strong family, a strong marriage,

Dr. Brad Miller::

whatever it is, is a forgiving place. But you also remember and you know,

Dr. Brad Miller::

you can get mad without getting even and all that kind of stuff. So I admire

Dr. Brad Miller::

that. And I just want to commend you on that, because that's a huge shift, as

Dr. Brad Miller::

you say. And then another shift you've made here, I believe, and is what

Dr. Brad Miller::

you teach is how then you shift then to using your experience as fuel

Dr. Brad Miller::

not only for your own healing, and your own self actualization, but also

Dr. Brad Miller::

to serve others. And I sense that you now have a passion about this,

Dr. Brad Miller::

you now have a passion that is based on any emotion in your life

Dr. Brad Miller::

that you have felt some love and some care and some concern

Dr. Brad Miller::

that people have come into your life. Your mission, your current

Dr. Brad Miller::

husband, for instance, I'm sure there's other people have come

Dr. Brad Miller::

into your life have been helpful to you. But something has been

Dr. Brad Miller::

caused you to want to share this with others with your book, and

Dr. Brad Miller::

with your coaching program. So share with us a little about that

Dr. Brad Miller::

about what motivates you to serve other people through this book

Dr. Brad Miller::

and through your coaching and what's a little bit, you've shared

Dr. Brad Miller::

some of the things about your book, but what's involved with it.

Ann Papayoti::

You know, when I look back again to childhood, when we would

Ann Papayoti::

write in a little school book, my mom kept for me what you wanted

Ann Papayoti::

to be when you grew up. It was consistently for the most part teacher,

Ann Papayoti::

and sometimes nurse, sometimes, stewardess, I don't know how I knew

Ann Papayoti::

what that was, because I've never flown to lighter, but I did become a

Ann Papayoti::

flight attendant and ended up with a 17 year airline career. But even in

Ann Papayoti::

that I was trained to save lives, right, as a lifeguard, after becoming a

Ann Papayoti::

swimmer that have sort of trained to save lives Teacher, I'm doing all

Ann Papayoti::

that now. But I also see how God works in my life. You take me down a

Ann Papayoti::

path, it wasn't the direct path that I thought I'd be in fourth grade at the

Ann Papayoti::

blackboard. That got to me down a different path. I was in training and

Ann Papayoti::

facilitation with the airline, eventually. And when I went to support group

Ann Papayoti::

for separation divorce for myself, which was one of the actions I did to

Ann Papayoti::

help myself heal. They tapped into me to take it over. I started serving

Ann Papayoti::

in that way 25 some odd years ago and still do lead support groups for

Ann Papayoti::

the community. And I recognized that I wasn't fully healed when I started

Ann Papayoti::

but you cannot help but help yourself when you help someone else. And it

Ann Papayoti::

started that way. And then through life as I gave up my corporate career

Ann Papayoti::

to move out of the country to Canada at some point for my now husband

Ann Papayoti::

to pursue his career on a different scale. I found myself at home as a stay

Ann Papayoti::

at home mom and I had to wrestle again with change in transition and

Ann Papayoti::

loss and grieving but also choice and I chose joy in that. And it was a

Ann Papayoti::

wrestle. It's a little dance between joy and fear. What am I doing Here

Ann Papayoti::

I go, What if this doesn't work out, but I chose it, that in that came

Ann Papayoti::

opportunity. Again, we spoke about Greg. And the opportunity was

Ann Papayoti::

to serve in a new way. And that was to work with personal development

Ann Papayoti::

for adults. And everybody wanted a little more of me and a little more

Ann Papayoti::

of me, and they wanted that one on one time. And so I then became a

Ann Papayoti::

coach. But what I've learned is, and I love this, quote. "Tell this story of

Ann Papayoti::

the mountain you climbed, it may become a page in someone else's

Ann Papayoti::

Survival Guide." And that's when I decided, okay, this is what people

Ann Papayoti::

are saying they want for me, I'm gonna do that. I'm hearing you I can

Ann Papayoti::

hear now, God, this is where I'm at. And I realized that life can be

Ann Papayoti::

challenging, it still has been challenging for me. I had another son

Ann Papayoti::

in my second marriage diagnosed with epilepsy and high functioning

Ann Papayoti::

Asperger's had lots of social and academic challenges.

Dr. Brad Miller::

But challenges, the adversities, don't quit.

Ann Papayoti::

They don't quit. But learning how to respond to them rather than

Ann Papayoti::

react to come from that higher energetic perspective and noticing

Ann Papayoti::

the resilience and that I've learned to how to overcome adversity,

Ann Papayoti::

go beyond it and not get stuck in it, as you say, which I love. But

Ann Papayoti::

through this, I've learned that this is where I belong, helping people if

Ann Papayoti::

somebody called me I'm a flashlight on their path. I've just been down

Ann Papayoti::

at ahead of many people still go through some of my I still have to work

Ann Papayoti::

through I think we're all a work in progress on some level. But I do

Ann Papayoti::

believe this is where

Dr. Brad Miller::

what tell us about you, you have a coaching program, skyviewcoaching.com, and

Dr. Brad Miller::

you have your book, The Gift of Shift. And so folks, I will put connections to all

Dr. Brad Miller::

that at our website, dr.bradmiller.com, tell us what a story about someone

Dr. Brad Miller::

who's connected with you, through your coaching, through your book, or

Dr. Brad Miller::

some connection that you have, that you've seen some sort of

Dr. Brad Miller::

transformation, and let's hear a testimonial story.

Ann Papayoti::

Oh, absolutely. I've met a lot of people in what I would call or they

Ann Papayoti::

would call survival mode. So many of their stories sounds similar in

Ann Papayoti::

the beginning, but someone that I that's coming to mind, I'll refer to

Ann Papayoti::

them as D came to me in a job that they were miserable in. But they

Ann Papayoti::

were also going through a relationship breakup at the time. And they

Ann Papayoti::

were just lost, they felt sad. And this would be a word they describe, they

Ann Papayoti::

felt alone. And they really, really did not know what they wanted. And so

Ann Papayoti::

working together, we figured out really what, who she was, and in what

Ann Papayoti::

she wanted. And then she was able to make different choices, change

Ann Papayoti::

jobs, change careers, totally a whole different path. And then let go of this

Ann Papayoti::

love, redefined love, actually, and recognize some patterns in relationships

Ann Papayoti::

that were not serving her. And let's fast forward a couple of years, she's now

Ann Papayoti::

in a very healthy, stable relationship, this new career. And she's very happy.

Ann Papayoti::

So I think the lesson is always in being able to have awareness, recognize

Ann Papayoti::

choice, and letting go of what does it serve. And that's an example of a

Ann Papayoti::

typical client really struggling in that water meeting to learn how to

Ann Papayoti::

reflect and float, and then recognizing kind of reconnecting to who they are.

Dr. Brad Miller::

That's an affirmation to you and what your work is, as well. And so let's

Dr. Brad Miller::

just say there's a D out there listening to our conversation here, what are

Dr. Brad Miller::

they going to find it skyviewcoaching.com? Or if they pick up your book,

Dr. Brad Miller::

The Gift of Shift, what are they going to find is going to be helpful to them.

Ann Papayoti::

I think what you're going to find, and let's just talk about the gift of shift for

Ann Papayoti::

a minute, because it's different than your typical self-help book. I think a lot

Ann Papayoti::

of people get overwhelmed with academia. And they'll give up with these

Ann Papayoti::

books, even though they're well intended. The Gift of Shift is a collection of short,

Ann Papayoti::

personal, sometimes intimate stories. And they're told in a way for the reader to

Ann Papayoti::

connect to the theme of the story. While your story will be different after each

Ann Papayoti::

story or five coaching questions. And the goal of those questions is for the

Ann Papayoti::

reader to reflect on how that thing has played out in their life and be reminded

Ann Papayoti::

of a time where they had a success, where there was a strength or something

Ann Papayoti::

about them that they got through that because we forget our successes for it.

Ann Papayoti::

So they can use that now to overcome an adversity that they're going through,

Ann Papayoti::

or recognize how they may still be stuck in a story and use those questions to

Ann Papayoti::

start creating a momentum so they can create a shift and start working through

Ann Papayoti::

that and come out on the other side. So that's what they're going to find in The

Ann Papayoti::

Gift of Shift. 12 common life themes we've all been through, you know. Everything

Ann Papayoti::

we've had through grief, we've experienced betrayal. In some level in our life,

Ann Papayoti::

we've all had to hold on to hope or find courage or figure out a way to be true

Ann Papayoti::

to ourselves or quiet that inner critical voice. So I think they'll find The Gift

Ann Papayoti::

of Shift helpful. And on my website, they can sign up for my newsletter,

Ann Papayoti::

they can connect to me for one on one or small group coaching or find

Ann Papayoti::

some kind of group class they might be interested in.

Dr. Brad Miller::

Several opportunities here. Incredible story that is a common story really,

Dr. Brad Miller::

in many ways, people, everyone's felt betrayal. Many people have felt abuse,

Dr. Brad Miller::

it is epidemic, as you know, and many in many people's lives. And you know,

Dr. Brad Miller::

even though the losses that you've had, and dealing with Z's that you've had

Dr. Brad Miller::

to deal with are common themes. We all got to deal with them and you give

Dr. Brad Miller::

us some tools to do just that. And I love the the two metaphors that you use

Dr. Brad Miller::

the most. Are you using your book about opening gifts that may be kind of

Dr. Brad Miller::

unexpected gifts out of the pain, out of the kind of serendipitous type of

Dr. Brad Miller::

experience that you would have of opening a gift that is not expected to be

Dr. Brad Miller::

helpful to you but it is. So the gift and then the shift, to shift to meet Jay says

Dr. Brad Miller::

they actually you got to take some action to do that to unlock your best life.

Dr. Brad Miller::

Her book is The Gift of Shift, discover the key within to unlock your best life.

Dr. Brad Miller::

And her coaching program is at skyviewcoaching.com. Her name is Ann

Dr. Brad Miller::

Papayoti. Ann Papayoti, we thank you for being our guest today and on the

Dr. Brad Miller::

Beyond Adversity podcast.

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