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A Relationship Saved & Life Renewed - Casey Gilman
Episode 1430th June 2022 • The Ultimate Coach Podcast • Ross Weitzer, Laban Ditchburn, Philippe Bartu & Evans Putman
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Discover what it looks like to grow and transform without doing. This is how Casey changed his life. He stopped doing what he thought he needed to do and focused on who he needed to be. He let go of the overwhelm and friction to change, and stepped into the grace and simplicity in being.

About the Guest:

Casey Gilman @thesimplicityengineer 😉 … is a loving husband, father and friend.  His philosophy is that we can create miracles and huge changes in our lives simply by removing the unconscious thoughts and actions that are unknowingly holding us back.  Why does he have this belief … because he’s lived and is living it.  You are infinite … simplified ❤

If you want to experience more of what he does, check him out at: @thesimplicityengineer

About the Host:

Ross Weitzer aka The Maverick is unlike anyone you’ll ever meet. He’s an unorthodox independent-minded being, living each moment with youthful enthusiasm, warrior courage, kingly counsel, quantum insight, and the wisdom of ages past. He IS disrupting global consciousness by guiding people back to the truth of who they really are. Welcome to the remembering.

To discover more about him check him out on Instagram where he is spitting soul fire!: @rossweitzer 




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Transcripts

TUCP Intro/Outro:

Welcome to The Ultimate Coach Podcast conversations from being inspired by the book The Ultimate Coach written by Amy Hardison, and Alan Thompson. Join us each week with the intention of expanding your state of being, and your experience will be remarkable. Remember, this is a podcast about be. It is a podcast about you. To explore more deeply visit the ultimate Coach book.com. Now, enjoy today's conversation from be

Ross Weitzer:

Hello, Hello World. This is Ross Weitzer. They're still trying to figure out how to do a proper podcast introduction. For me, always the strangest part of this conversation. But welcome to the alternative podcast. My guest today is Casey Gilman. And this is a really special one because in the ultimate coach verse, There are many people who are showing up powerfully and expressing themselves and opening themselves and Casey Gillman is the poster child for this, because he has shown up more powerfully than anybody I've met. So Casey, so grateful to be here with you. Yeah, I think that was a great intro. I don't think you have anything. Nailed it. Right. Nailed it. Nailed it. Thank you.

Casey Gilman:

Thank you. And thank you for for choosing to have me on here to talk with you. It's amazing. I am blessed.

Ross Weitzer:

You're a big presence, man.

Casey Gilman:

It's, it's funny, because, you know, it's like, I don't try to be it's yeah, you know, we will pry talk about some of that I'm sure. Plus my, my posts and stuff kind of, you know, bring people up to the story of that. And how that came to be? Wasn't it wasn't always, definitely not a couple of months ago, for sure.

Ross Weitzer:

You don't try to be but you choose to be?

Casey Gilman:

Yeah. Yeah, really, it was it kind of came down to

Casey Gilman:

that, like a message that Eric had sent me just about, I think it was after my very first post, and he sent me a message saying, you know, I still was new to the group at that point. And the message said, I saw your post, and, you know, obviously, I'm paraphrasing, but that I saw your post, and I know it was probably difficult to make. And I appreciate that. And I just want to give you word of advice. And if you know, if you want to take it, take it if you don't, that's okay. But if you come to this group, and to life, and you give of yourself fully and you know from your heart, and you also receive in that same way, that you're going to get a lot more out of this group and out of life. And, you know, sometimes you just hear things at the right at the right time. It's the right the right words at the right time, and they kind of sink in and that's what started my journey and in this group and and just in this new life in general.

Ross Weitzer:

Can you invite us into that post that you're referring to? What was going on in your life pre and then the context behind this post that you created that led to Herrick inviting you into the fullness of who you

Casey Gilman:

are? Yeah. So again, right, my memory is slightly hazy exactly which post it was it was either my intro post, which I kind of sat on for a while. Or my very first live video, which was you know, I felt like was a mess. It was it was one of those two? Yeah, so it was just kind of, so do you what was your exact question again? Because that's trying to remember which post it was. You're you want to know which post it was. It was? Yeah,

Ross Weitzer:

more. So what's more important is like, who were you before? And who were you entered? Sharing yourself? vulnerably in the group.

Casey Gilman:

Yeah. So, man. Before I was this, this journey happened really fast for me. And before that, so to take you back to like, the very beginning of where it started. Lindsay my wife got invited to the group. And she spent a few days in it, figuring it out. And then every day after that, she was telling me how amazing it was and she just kept talking about it and talking about it. And I had been on off Facebook for about eight years, I think. And I was like, Nah, leave me alone, I don't want to join. Like, I don't want to get back on Facebook. And so, but she kept talking about it. Eventually, I saw a man's post. And it really spoke to me. And I said, Okay, I'm joined, and I'll kind of poke around. And so I did that. And when I did, and I started seeing people sharing, and the love and the support and all of that, I started feeling. So you know, to go back, I have had emotional blockages in my life for probably like 30 years, 30 something years where I couldn't feel the highs, and I couldn't feel the lows, everything was kind of just like in the middle. And so sharing the that wasn't really my thing. And, you know, definitely coming from Big Love was not my thing. And then in this group, something started happening, right. And Lindsay had got the book, and we were both reading it together. And we would read it together every night, like aloud to each other one of us would take turns. And in that process, I was able to, to become something I was never able to before. I tried multiple times in the past to read self help books, listen to podcast, do all of these things do, right do. And it always felt overwhelming. It always felt like I was gonna do more, I was gonna just like, keep adding to my plate, right. And so like, as soon as I would hit a bump in the road, I would, I would fall back to the comfortable area to the area that I knew, which was not growing, not improving, not transforming, going back to where everything was just easy, right? So when I came into this group, and we started reading the book, and I started being, you know, kind of poking around at this point, I started realizing the way that the being came to me was that I don't have to do anything, I have to remove the things that I'm being that aren't working for me. And then and then like, I will just be and I'll feel a lot better. And it seems like a very simple thought. And it is a very simple thought. But it's mentally your brain does gymnastics to try to make it more complicated. And if you were in my shoes, and I started just started on that process, and my wife kept telling me you got to post you got to make an intro post. And I was like, no, no. And then I was like, one day I was like, yeah, yeah, and I did and the reception to it was way better than I then I would have and I would have ever thought. And that started the the real unlocking of myself. And that started me really sharing more. Once I saw that that post spoke to some people, I was like, wow, you know, my story. Some people are really affected by it. And so then I started sharing more deeper things. And yeah, it kind of snowballed from there. And then when I got that message, like from Eric, I think it was maybe after. Yeah, I think it was probably after my first live to be honest. And yeah, it just opened up the floodgates from that point and kinda like a lot of things broke down as far as the blockage I had emotionally and stuff and I just started letting it flow. That was it. Powerful Casey, just just removing right. So like I said, it was just removing all of the things that were holding me back that I was doing.

Ross Weitzer:

The imagery that was coming up for me that I find really interesting is I think oftentimes when people are feeling emotionally blocked, there's this fear of allowing it to surface because if it surfaces and other people see they're going to reject me. So instead of expressing outward, I'm gonna vacuum myself inward and shut. And it's that very processing of what if that prevents people from opening, but it's literally the exact opposite. What happened in your situation was by opening not once were you rejected, but instead you were making a difference. Yeah, and that making a difference had a reversal of the vacuum effect, where people were now trying to suck you into their reality because it comforted them. And then all of a sudden now everything just starts opening and coming out.

Casey Gilman:

Yeah, and it's funny because like I said that message from Eric, I know myself, I know a lot of my, especially my men friends, right? Have a problem with receiving. And so the receiving part of it was honestly, that was almost more difficult than the than the giving. And through this opening up, and this in this pulling out of it, like you said, right, there was almost this reverse vacuum, right? And all of a sudden, things started coming to me, like people, like, offers, like, yeah, it was just, it was crazy. You know, and I can talk to that about just, you know, the one day that really kind of was just like miracle after miracle, I had a call set up in the morning to actually one really early with Philip in Switzerland, then followed by Matt Smith. And that was how my day was supposed to start, right. And I didn't have really anything else going on after that. And it wasn't my first call with Philip. And that was it was just a wonderful, beautiful call. And it always was. And it aligned some things for me. And then right after that, I got on with Matt and I expected the call to be about one thing. And he totally turned it around and walked me through one of the most beautiful meditations. I think he started the conversation with after after intros. He started it with Casey, are you open to a miracle today? And that's exactly what happened. Right? I told him took a second I pause for a second. I don't know why I did. And then I said, Yes, I am. And so he walks me through his meditation. And the first thing he says to me was, what do you want from your mother? And I'm like, wow, because the night before, I was just thinking about how I was having troubles with my mom not seeing me. And so like I hadn't really told anybody that except for my wife. And so he walked me through this. And at the end of it was just kind of like this release of the need, that I had, and was beautiful. And I left that. And I was kind of processing what had just happened. And I get a call from Alan Thompson saying, Hey, man, we're, a couple of us are heading over to Steve's, do you want to come over to Steve's? And who's going to turn that? So you know, it's and Lindsey and I like, figure out like, you know, who's gonna watch the kids. And we head over to Steve's, and we're in this magical, like, experience over Steve's house. And then I get back from that. And Eric had left me a message, wanting to know about my day, and then wanting to assist me with something. And it was just man, it was one thing after another. And it all stemmed from who I have been being in the group who had been being in life, you know, and yeah, you if you open yourself up, the world opens up to you, I truly believe and feel that.

Ross Weitzer:

What does it all mean to you?

Casey Gilman:

Um, I got a whole post that I was gonna make on this one day. There's been this post I've been kind of toying with and haven't put out there. We'll talk about it right now. Instead, so my life right. I always felt if I was a good, a good, a good person, right? That that the universe or God or whomever, whomever however, you want to look at that, right? If you're not religious, whatever way you want to look at it would take care of me. Right? And it's went that way. But how I term it now is half assed being so I was kind of, I was, you know, being certain ways that were really good and we're who I want it to be. But I wasn't like fully being. I was kind of half assing it and opportunities I would let go and I wasn't committed to anything but I was like committed to being a good person and being helpful and being there for people. And I was taking care of. I was never like in a really bad situation. I was never really great, but I was always taken care of What has happened since since coming into the group and since embarking on this, this new journey of my life, this new chapter of my life, has shown me that if you really, if you're, if you're cognizant, right, if you're actually being, and you're being who you want to be, and you're coming to that, that the world just kind of opens up, right? And you're so aware of more opportunities that may have been there before, but you may have missed them. But you're not going to miss them now, because you're, you're putting it all out, and you're taking it all in. So it really opens up the world to what it's what it's meant to be the full potential. And its natural just flows. What's your process when

Ross Weitzer:

you find yourself not being who you want to be?

Casey Gilman:

Yeah, so I think that's a big one, honestly. And I think it kind of gets overlooked sometimes. Because you don't see a lot of talk about that. But yeah, I still struggle. So there's, I mean, you're talking 30 something years of being right. So that's the thing is, you know, whether you're choosing to be something or you're not choosing to be something, you're still going to be something, it just may not be what you are, and, and what you would choose, and it all comes down to the conscious decision, right? The if, if you have your document or whatever, like the speaking that yourself, the maintaining of your garden. So there are still instances where I find myself not being the man that I want to be, that still happens, I'm still working through some things. What makes that easier? What what makes that what my process is now is coming back to the things that I hold true for who I want to be, right. So as soon as you catch yourself, which is getting quicker and quicker every day, right? When I catch myself not being who I want to be, I pause. And I fall back to who is it that I want to be? And okay, let's get back to that. Because right now, that's not what I'm not who I'm being. And I think that having that having whatever you know, your document or whomever's document or not even that just knowing who you want to be, and catching yourself and being able to fall back and say, well, that's who I want to be not not who I'm being right now. Just having that, to go on makes it a lot easier, and makes it easy to bring yourself back to that spot.

Ross Weitzer:

How about that moment, the moments where it doesn't work? Yeah, how do you experience that? As I'm doing it, but I'm still feeling heavy.

Casey Gilman:

Yeah, I mean, that's, that's a thing, right? That's, that's definitely still a thing. And so I think the way that I've kind of handled that has been to grieve it. And it might not always be something that you perceive is like when you hear grieve, you think a lot of people would associate sadness with it, right? It doesn't, in my mind have to equal sadness. To meet equals, I'm, I'm grieving, I wasn't able to maintain my space, and who I wanted to be. And so I give myself that for the appropriate amount of time. And then I really try to practice self forgiveness, which is also huge and new and in my life and and then just move back forward, get back on track and start over again. But it's very important

Unknown:

to,

Casey Gilman:

to do the self forgiveness, and to to acknowledge that because otherwise you're going to move forward, still harboring whatever feelings you were having. And I think it's really important to clear that out before you move forward. Kind of similar to clearing you know, my my mentals in my in my space before coming on a one on one call, right in order to be fully present in the next moment. You gotta get rid of what was what was there before?

Ross Weitzer:

Yeah, something honestly like I realized yesterday that is My next step of practicing self forgiveness is it's easy for me to be aware of a negative thought. If I'm thinking I'm not good enough, okay, I'm aware of that. And I can show myself compassion and change that script. Well, for a while, what I wasn't aware of is the emotional states that I needed to show self forgiveness. Because I realized that there were times where shame would arise emotionally. But because there wasn't a thought, per se, that led to the feeling of shame. I didn't brings forgiveness into that. I didn't sit with oh, I'm feeling shame. Can I be okay with that and love myself?

Casey Gilman:

For having shame? Yeah. Yeah.

Ross Weitzer:

And without that awareness, it was it was building and being left untamed. Yeah, yeah, it

Casey Gilman:

was a feeling. I don't know that. I've thought of that. So I thank you for bringing that to my attention. Yeah, I don't. It's definitely a lot harder, with a feeling than a conscious thought. To really kind of dive into that. And how do you forgive, you know, as you don't feel? I think it's tricky, because you almost don't feel like you need forgiveness, because it's a feeling. But then it's like, no, you do. You're right. Yeah. That's a great thought.

Ross Weitzer:

And it's so easy to skip it. It's like, oh, I'm feeling shame. Right now. I told myself, I was going to do more creating today, but I ended up doing more consuming. feeling shame. And, for me, at least, it was okay, so what, how can I do something right now, that would lead to me feeling that I'm creating. And if I were to do that, I never gave the presence to the shame that was there. And, of course, as we see this new dialog from reading the ultimate coach, it's, well, instead of focusing on how do I create and do if I stay with that shame, if I show forgiveness and love to that shame, it'd be very curious to see what happens next in my actions.

Casey Gilman:

Yeah. Yeah. Not as wonderful.

Ross Weitzer:

And here's something that just came to me too. I think a reason why we focus on Well, what can I do now? Like, how can I create is it's a bit of controlling, there's certainty there, there's a false sense of certainty, okay, I can do something, it's very controlling behavior. Whereas Oh, can I really sit in just being with this emotional state, and trusting that that will lead to a result that I hopefully desire?

Casey Gilman:

Yes, that's, wow. Yeah, that's a lot of this is kind of, right. It's, it's, it's your faith that things are going to let you know, if you're being who you want. And you know, you are being self forgiveness in those moments, that it's going to lead you to what it is that you truly want. And there's been a lot of posts and lives and I want to say I think it was Townsend that did one the other day, that was about how, you know, commitment comes first. Right? I think that's what it was. And it's the same right, your your commitment to being is going to yield the results, right, I used to always be big on I wouldn't do something prior to this. I wouldn't do something unless I can guarantee the results. So I wouldn't commit to doing anything unless I could guarantee and it's a control thing. But now, through this, I'm being shown know that you know, when you come in, when you're being the person that's like committing the results are going to happen. Like so if you commit right to yourself forgiveness of that feeling. You're you're having faith that it's going to yield the result you want and it most likely will. And man the feelings thing that's thrown me for a loop right now. I hadn't thought of it in those let's

Ross Weitzer:

just pause for a second. Let's just pause and silence and give space to see what comes.

Casey Gilman:

Yeah, man, it made me think of my feelings of frustration that I've faced recently, you know, and how I tried to handle them from the controlling where you were speaking about, and what I can do differently and how I could just be in that for a moment. Forgive, let go and move forward. And that's a whole new process I'm gonna be working on. And I'm going to be being starting starting after this call here, man. It's amazing.

Ross Weitzer:

What came out for me in that silence was, I was like, holy shit. I didn't see it. But as I told you, podcasting is new for me. Yeah. And I'm realizing I see this in other dynamics as well. But my internal experience is, if I'm present, and I'm with you, I get a personal Hurrah. If I say something that sounds good, I get a personal Hurrah. But if I ever am not present for a moment, there comes the whip. If I'm not coming off perfectly authentic, there's ever a moment where I'm questioning my authenticity. There's the web. Yeah. As opposed to being here from a place of, I don't have to be perfectly authentic. Right? I'm discovering authenticity. There's a moment where I notice an authenticity. Can I just be curious about that? And can I forgive myself for being inauthentic and love myself? And know that everything's okay. And same thing with not being present for a moment? Which is really funny, because when it happens, I'm like, Oh, shit, my hope is sentence isn't over now.

Casey Gilman:

It's, you know, this reminds me of the, the analogy that was in the book, or I believe it was Steve, you know, about the, you know, the factory is never going to get to zero issues, right? There's, there's always going to be, you know, like, when factories have the no injuries in this many days, right? Like, you're never going to get to zero defects. You're never gonna be perfect. Right? There will always be those moments of like, oh, man, I wasn't present for a second or like, was I just inauthentic. The goal is not ever I mean, the goal, maybe the ideal may be zero, but the goal should be improvement. And know that there's always going to be moments where, you know, I get frustrated, right over something that I maybe shouldn't. As long as like, I'm working in cognizant and making those less that's ideal. Getting to zero is like, most likely unattainable and a lot of things. And if you make that your goal, it's going to just lead to kind of feelings you probably don't want. So yeah, it's I think even in the inauthenticity is for the moments that you're missing, or that you're not present. I think it's like still truly authentic to that moment, right? Because it's, it's, you're here, you're in this. And that's just what happened in that moment. Right. Yeah,

Ross Weitzer:

I need the inauthenticity to discover authenticity. Yeah. Yeah. Something that was coming up for me. I was like, I always have it's like, a moment of realization. That to me is I know, I'm on course, as long as I have a moment of realization that, like, once a week, we're doing exactly. In the past, people would say to me, Ross, you have such high expectations of yourself. And with you what I think I just realized, I believe I just realized is, it's not that I have high expectations of myself. It's that I didn't allow low acceptance of myself. It was about acceptance, that expectation. Yeah. Expectation is like the branch the route is acceptance. Because if we're accepting ourselves, then there isn't any space for expectation

Casey Gilman:

that just dissolve. Yeah, and I think it's funny because that gets so for me, right. And one of the things that actually, you know, the lack of presence or whatever you're just talking about, is I don't always look at the camera. That always I know, I'm always looking at you, but then I'll look like over here, and it's like, damn, I gotta keep looking this way. But it's not just, you know, acceptance is the root, right. But I think it was da that that brought it up after the event, right? Is like a baseline, right. And so before your root, your baseline was at one level, and I'll speak about myself, after the event after being active in the group. You know, like, my baseline, my roots are now up higher, right, then a different, like, vibration, or different frequency. So, now my new state of being isn't where it used to be, right? There's still no expectations, but what's your accepting of yourself can change, right? I used to accept the minimum for myself. And I was okay with that. And that, that was where I was at in life. And a lot of my blockages led to that. But in, in coming into this, right, it raised, like, my acceptance now of myself, is a lot higher. And I have to practice, you know, radical self forgiveness, when I do allow myself to fall below that new baseline, because I'm still not there with everything yet. And when that arises, it does get back to the feelings that that brings up, right. And the whip of, you're not being you're not being like who you say you are. And it's like, well, give me a second. You know, in catching that, and then practicing that self forgiveness, because you're not gonna get to zero defaults, or defects or whatever, you know, it's like,

Ross Weitzer:

mine in there, give, just give yourself a second. So perfect, because it's making me think about the times where I'm not being who I want to be in this moment. And I'm now trying to force myself into being the way I want to be. And that is just creating the energy of resistance, which is creating even more separation from the state of being that I want to be anything, just give yourself a second, if you got to be away, you don't want to be for a moment, just be that way. Take a breath, and then try to

Casey Gilman:

write and like I said, if it's, if and if it's a state that causes you, you know, some sort of like negative feelings. When that when that's done. Focus on the self forgiveness for a few minutes. Let it go move on. It was a moment in life. It's gone now. Right? It's now a lesson. It's now a lesson. And yeah, you just want to move forward from that and start being who you do want to be?

Ross Weitzer:

What is being mean to you?

Casey Gilman:

Yeah, it's, it's kind of it means multiple things, honestly. Right. So at one level, there's the unconscious being, which is just, that's just kind of how you feel you are every day, right? So like, and that's, it's, it's true, it's who you are being every day, it's just, it's just what you're putting out there into the world. When you create your document, when you create, you know, your declarations, and you start tending your garden, by repeating those to yourself, and by living those, now you have a conscious being, right? You're conscious of these things that you're that you're committed to. And that's where you're coming from. And the more you live by that, and the more you remind yourself have that, the more your default being becomes that and but then there's the other side of what does it mean to me, it means that I'm choosing I'm choosing what I'm giving the world right. My conscious being is choosing to be as Phil per se unlimited. Right? Unlimited. I want to I want to be unlimited in in the love I give the world you know, I want to be unlimited in so many areas of what I'm bringing to the world where before when I was unconscious, and I didn't even have the thought and I wasn't thinking about it. I I wasn't, I was very limited in what I was giving my fellow people. And what I was giving myself, honestly, my acceptance, my baseline at that point was so much lower. And so being, to me means consciously choosing the life you're going to live, and what you're going to bring to yourself and to everybody really resonate. And it's just amazing with that, you know, what that does for others. And what that does, in turn for yourself, and to see it, this group is a very quick place to see the results of it. Right? So this is like the, like, kind of the sandbox a test, like we're, you know, you're gonna receive love and support, right? But, you know, try, try being that same person in the world, if you haven't, I've been trying that, right, because it's easy in the group. But in the world, when I'm trying to be unconditional love to a woman in the coffee shop, you can't be attached to the results that come from that. Because, you know, she, at that point, she was having a difficult day. And I pulled her aside and not pulled her aside. But I said, Excuse me, you know, I overheard, you're having a difficult day. Is there anything I can do to assist you? And when you ask that to a random person out in the wild, you might not get the same response you get in the group. And that doesn't mean you shouldn't. Who man it was just a strange look. And it was a strange look, she definitely look bewildered, you can tell you can tell that a lot of people aren't expecting kindness and just unconditional love and support out in the world. And, you know, it kind of made me sad for a moment, right? Because I was offering this woman, truly anything I could have done for her in my means. And from the look, I got, you know, it's unexpected. And a lot of times it puts people off. But that doesn't mean that I'm not going to keep trying, because what happens in our group, I would love to see that be what happens out in the world. Right? And it's only going to happen through example, and the ripples that we talk about, right? So I don't know, maybe that lady later on that day, kind of reflected, and maybe she then was more than she would have been to someone else, you know, or maybe it just cheered her up a little bit. Even though she wasn't able to hear it and receive it, she wasn't able to receive it in that moment. Right, I wasn't able to receive a lot in the moment when I first joined the group. I wasn't able to, and I didn't take people's kindness at face value. Now I do. So

Casey Gilman:

you know, we need to be the examples. us, those of us who have, have started this path and are able to see this and see what it does and see what it can do need to be the examples. And I truly believe like the ripples will kind of affect and change people. It just might not be as quick as it happens in in our little group.

Ross Weitzer:

How do you feel you've been doing with consistency, where you find that you have these highs of really being connected? Really coming from love really sharing, really being the version of yourself that you want to be as plateaus,

Casey Gilman:

if you will. Yeah, it's it gets more consistent. Some of the things like I spoke about right kind of touched on this point. It's it goes back to that, tending the garden analogy, where the more that I'm speaking to myself who I want to be, the more that I'm practicing who I want to be, the more consistent it becomes. But there have been days when I've felt too busy or been too preoccupied or, or what have you, you know, the kids are going crazy or whatever hand you kind of you forget, you forget, because this is still new to me. Right. Some of you have been in it longer so you may be further along but to me, it's still new and I come from 30 shots and years of of not. And every day gets a little more consistent. But there are moments that I forget and, and I'm not tending the garden. And I'm not reminding myself of who I want to be. And those are the days that at the end of the day, it's like, okay, we need a lot of self forgiveness today. And tomorrow is a new day, the next moments, a new moment. And you start by reminding yourself where you, you know, where you want to be who you want to be all over again, and just keep doing it. Can I share something funny with you? Yeah.

Ross Weitzer:

There was a moment where I was like, where did that question come from? And that question came from a judgment of how consistent Have you been in being Ross?

Casey Gilman:

Yeah, yeah, that's fool man. Yeah, that was come up for me a lot of Yeah, the thoughts still come in. Yeah, the judgments, the judgments, especially self. I've told a lot of people in the one on one calls, I think, in some of my posts, but it's difficult. And, you know, I think, Gosh, my wife, she's amazing. And she walks me through a lot. But she's also got to put up with a lot, right. So the judgments that we have towards ourselves, those still come up a lot. And I find that in my closest relationships, my wife, my children, my family, is where those thoughts sneak in the most. Right? The people that you are, like, as soon as the sentence starts, I know where this is going. Right? It's hard. It's hard to sometimes keep the open mind, the more you know, somebody to come with it in full presence and, and keep those inner voices out, the more you know, somebody the closer you are, because you already feel like you know where they're going with something. And that's an area where talking about the consistency, right, and the tending of the garden, I know that it's improving immensely, because I'm catching it so much faster now. And, and I'm, you know, it's easier to also practice the forgiveness of self when I know that I'm catching it faster. And I'm improving, and so easy in conversations with people that you don't have a deep relationship with yet, because you're growing that and you're open, and you're like, excited to hear about them. And yeah, it's it's harder to get to that same place with someone that you know, so intimate.

Ross Weitzer:

I'd be curious. I absolutely agree with that. But a curiosity that I have of like a piece of discernment.

Casey Gilman:

And it is it about

Ross Weitzer:

the newness of these relationships that you're making? Or is it about the fact that you're meeting like minded people? And that the resistance with older relationships? Is that there? Isn't that like mindedness, the way that there is with new

Casey Gilman:

people that you're meeting? I think that so for myself, in some of my relationships, that's 100% True. It gets difficult when it's with my wife. Because because she actually is, in my opinion, right? And this is, I guess, kind of a judgment, right? I see her as farther along in this journey, because she's been about personal growth and, and becoming the best person she could be, as long as I've known her. And I was dragged along begrudgingly for a long time. And because I was the person that was like, Oh, you don't like me how I am. You know, and then kind of like the F word. I was like, you know, I'm, I'm a good person, what are you talking about? And I wasn't about personal development. I really wasn't until until coming into being like, it's, it's been crazy. And so, back to the question, right. I think that's what you said was true for a lot of the situations but with my wife, it's kind of different. It's just, I think there's still you know, like some things that maybe are in me that are still making that a little bit Difficulty that I haven't maybe addressed or looked at fully yet. Just old feelings, right? It's easy when it's easy when it's like the physical thoughts, but it's not what it's like the feelings. And we've been working through that stuff. And it's been amazing men, it's been amazing. I can't, you know, I've mentioned it before, and I can't even tell you like, that's the one thing that I could never repay. Steve for Amy, or Alan or anyone in this group really, is what it's given to me and my marriage. We literally were talking separation, not long before joining the group, like and it wasn't the first time. And since then, like, it's just been all, like, growing towards each other. And so many of the things that were issues before just dissolved almost overnight. And yeah, I mean, I told that, you know, directly to Steve at the event, there's a photo of us just like holding each other's shoulders, right. And like, I told him in that moment, like, just looking right in his eyes and being just as present as possible. I said, Look, man, I don't have $200,000 to work with you. But if I did, and all I knew I would get out of it. Is my marriage being fixed? I would pay you that money gladly. And I meant every minute of that every second of that, like, yeah, like saved a marriage. And you know, what it's becoming is so amazing. And I can't repay that ever.

Ross Weitzer:

How would you describe your marriage today? And describe it?

Casey Gilman:

Six months ago, man. Like six months ago, there was like, commitment to each other. You know, there was commitment to each other, but it was like, there was always tension. Like I said, my wife was always about personal development, growth, positive transformation. And I was about, I'm good enough, right, right. And those two things don't really work together. Like we have big love for each other. But those two things don't really work together. And, you know, it's kind of like, what, like, vinegar and water, oil and water just doesn't, you know, they can, they can sit right next to each other, but they're not going to make and, and now, now, it's just all like, positive transformation. Like I said, a lot of the issues melted away, a lot of the big issues melted away. Now it's kind of working through, like I like I kind of alluded to a second ago, my individual feelings that I have, and hers as well. I'm not gonna speak too much for her, but about the past, right? Because you know, that you need to forgive and move forward and let go. But when you have gears of some, in some ways, animosity, in some ways, frustration, you have all of that, that happened over time. It's not as easy to just say, I forgive, let go those feelings, they're gone. Right? Like, no, those feelings are still there. And in being every day, right, those are the things when those come up, that I really gotta go back to my document, right? I really got to fall back to this is who I want to be. Even though these feelings are surfacing, because that is just the lesson of where I came from. It's not who I'm being now. It's not who I want to be now. And it's not what we're working towards in the future. Now we have a more combined vision. Now we're like peanut butter and jelly as opposed to, you know, oil and water. So yeah, it's, it's brilliant. It's not to say that there's no issues. You know, there are still things that we work through. What I would say is the difficult conversations last a lot less time now. Right. And and the forgiveness is a lot quicker now. And then moving forwards a lot quicker now. And there's a lot less of it now. So with it feels a lot more cohesive. Given a lot more of a loving team now than I did in the past.

Unknown:

I'm so happy for you, Casey.

Unknown:

I appreciate that.

Ross Weitzer:

I think this is a pretty powerful place to end our conversation. Yeah, before we do any final things you would like listeners to hear.

Casey Gilman:

I still put it out there that I know. I've been a little taking a lot less calls lately, but the Connect calls, everyone should be getting on that. I'm really big on what they've done for me. So I put it out there and a couple of my posts, and it kind of grew from there, I wasn't expecting what happened. Like a connect call, I would say it's just, if there's anyone that you find interesting, their posts a post, specifically reach out to them, and just get like a 30 minute call set up with them. And just like this, right, just like this with you and I right now, there's no agenda. There's no, no coaching, no, none, none of that, you just kind of have a call with someone that you find interesting. And be open to whatever happens and be fully present with them. And I say like, almost every single time magic happens. And I am a big believer in that. Because I put that out there. And within a month I took 40 calls like 40 Something calls. It was a lot. Maybe it was maybe I should have been scheduling a little bit better in the beginning, but I was taking three a day sometimes. And sometimes they were half hour, sometimes they were hour, sometimes they were an hour and a half. And every one of them touched me. And the transformations that I saw in myself and that I saw in others after our call. were nothing short of amazing. So if I leave this with anything, it's just yeah, continue connecting with people. Anyone that that you're you feel drawn to, I would say to reach out and connect with them. There's a reason you're feeling drawn to it.

Ross Weitzer:

and experience the miracle of human connection? Because that's all we're talking about.

Casey Gilman:

Yeah. And how much of that has, you know, been taken from us in the last few years? Right. And now you're in this safe place of like, Yeah, this is the best place for it. And it's, it's brilliant. And everyone's coming to it from such a great place. So yeah, if I can leave with anything, it's that and, you know, just boil it down to who you really want to be and start practicing. Life will open up to be amazing.

Ross Weitzer:

Casey, thank you so much for being in this experience with me. I can't wait to see you soon.

Casey Gilman:

Yeah, I appreciate you. I appreciate you taking the time and space to be with me. Thank you

Ross Weitzer:

for love brother, Peter, I

Casey Gilman:

love you brother.

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