Heal: We all have wounds. Let's heal them for our own lives and the ones we love.

Healing is the beginning of a series of mini-episodes that will address many of the tools that I learned in my therapeutic process. Most people need some form of healing, but not everyone is ready for therapy. Using these tools, individuals can assess where they are on their mental health journey, and start the process while also assessing what healing modality might work best for them.

The host is not a licensed mental health professional. She shares her personal experiences and perspectives for informational purposes only. Listeners should always consult with a licensed professional for therapy work.

About the Host: 

Megan Conner is the mother of 6 spectacular humans and a breaker of generational trauma cycles. She has spent the last 10 years overcoming the effects of child SA and other abusive relationships and cycles. She is the author of I Walked Through Fire to Get Here, which was written to give support and hope to other survivors. Megan is passionate about helping people make small changes that make their lives better every day.  

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https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCdTAwWoBlyiAEDIdahq5U6g

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WEBVTT

Hello, beautiful humans.

Welcome to the Midlife Revolution.

I'm Megan Conner.

I got a lot of feedback on

my YouTube channel last

week that people really

wanted me to talk about the

concept of how to heal.

And so I decided to create a

little mini series on some

of the concepts that I used

in my healing journey.

Now,

I am not a certified or licensed

mental health professional at all.

I am just an expert in my own trauma.

And I just want to share my

personal experiences as a

way to help hopefully help

others find ways to heal

I think that learning to

heal begins with an

understanding of who we are

as human beings.

And one of the reasons why I

call my listeners beautiful

humans is because in a way,

we are all the same.

I also want to acknowledge

that we're all different.

But I think healing begins

with an understanding that

we're all the same and how

we're all the same.

One of the reasons why I

love stories and literature

so much is because I believe that

I see little pieces of

myself in all of the stories that I read.

And I see pieces of the

people that I love as well.

And when I read a story,

a lot of times I can

imagine myself in the same position.

It doesn't matter if the

story takes place in 17th

century England or in the

future or in outer space.

I can always find little

pieces of myself in those

stories because the characters are

are like me, and I'm like them.

And I think it's important

for all of us to zoom in

just a little bit and

realize that we are all human beings.

We all have the same biological needs.

And the reason why we exist

is because we evolved

to the point that we are right now.

And even though we live in

different places in the world,

we have different life experiences,

we all have those same biological needs.

And sometimes we don't

realize that our emotional

needs are also driven by biology.

If you think about the

survival part of our brain,

what some psychologists and

philosophers call the lizard brain,

that's the part of the

brain that is only

interested in survival.

And that's it,

the perpetuation of the species.

And we are born with certain

instincts that ensure that survival.

It's the reason why when a baby is born,

they instinctively know how

to get their mother's milk.

They know how to take in that nutrition.

It's an instinct that's based in survival,

much in the same way that a

bird knows how to build a

nest or a tiger knows how

to hunt for food.

Some of these things we

obviously get taught by our parents,

but the very basic survival

instincts are inborn in us.

They're hardwired into our brains.

And those needs, those survival needs,

are universal to the entire human race.

What's interesting is that

some of the things we

classify as emotional needs

actually are rooted in biology as well.

we are hardwired for

belonging because belonging

means survival.

We're hardwired to be

connected to our mothers

because being connected to our mothers,

especially from birth,

ensures that we're going to survive.

And so some of these

emotional needs that we

have are the things that we

label as emotional needs

are actually rooted in

biology and survival.

The need for love and

belonging is universal to human beings.

No matter where we live,

no matter what nationality we are,

and no matter what our background is,

and what kind of a family we had,

and whether we were born rich or poor,

we really are all the same in those ways.

the differences start to

show up because humans with

our creative brains are

going to come up with

different ways of solving

the same problem.

And that's how we end up

with the diversity of

culture and the diversity

of landscape that we see

throughout the entire world.

different tribes evolved

into different ways of

learning how to survive.

And if we take it back that

far and look over the

course of human history,

we can see that all of the

different tribes in the

world came up with some

explanation for religion in

order to explain our existential fear of

of death.

And in order to explain all

of the things that we

couldn't understand.

And the creativity of coming

up with different solutions

for the same problem is the

reason why we have different religions,

different cultures,

different food traditions,

different ceremonies, different rituals.

And these differences are really beautiful,

but they can also be really

terrible because some of us

choose to solve problems in

dysfunctional ways.

Some of us are not

self-aware enough to

realize that we're being

driven by instinct and

biology and that we also

may be acting in dysfunction.

For example,

the need that I mentioned

earlier about having

connection with our mothers.

is a biological need.

And we don't really grow out

of that as we get older,

even when we become self-sufficient.

That biological need is

still rooted in us.

And when we're separated from our mother,

either by death or

dysfunction or some other means,

or if our mother doesn't

show up for us or doesn't

provide for our emotional

needs or our physical needs,

it creates a wound.

And some of us come up with

a creative solution for

healing that wound.

And some solutions are

positive and lead to us

having healthier lives.

And some of those solutions

are negative and lead to dysfunction.

For example,

one child who has a mother

that didn't show up for them

might decide to show up for

themselves and to reparent themselves.

And that is a healthy

solution to the problem of

a mother wound.

Another person might choose

to get their needs met in

another way or fill that

mother wound by attaching

to other people or by

seeking for approval by people-pleasing.

And those behaviors can turn

into dysfunctional things.

The issue happens when we

don't realize that we're

acting out of dysfunction.

We don't realize that we

have these needs and that

they're rooted in biology

and that they're universal to everyone.

And we may not realize that

when we relate to someone

in a specific way,

we may not realize that

that's coming from a dysfunctional place.

taking the example of people pleasing.

A lot of people fall into

that sort of behavior

because they're trying to

avoid being abandoned or

avoid being rejected.

These are things that are

universal to the human experience.

But if we're not aware of it,

then we don't realize that

we're doing it for a dysfunctional reason,

and then we can't heal it.

So understanding the

dysfunction doesn't excuse

it or change it,

but understanding it is

essential to healing.

So it's really important for

us to examine our behaviors

and then understand where

those behaviors came from.

and our ways of relating to

people and where those

relating behaviors came

from and whether or not they're healthy.

Sometimes it's easy for us

to point to something and say,

that happened to me and I

feel terrible about it.

And that's why I act this way.

And sometimes it's a lot harder.

We don't realize that

there's dysfunction unless we examine it.

And so examining that

dysfunction is really, really important.

So how do we do that?

Well, there are lots of different answers.

And so that's why I wanted

to start this series on

healing so that I could

focus on some specific

things that would help

people in their healing journey.

And of course,

all of us are going to need

different types of healing

for different reasons.

But my intention with this

little mini series is to

give you some tools to

that can help you to find

ways to relate healthier to

yourself and to other people.

I think that developing a

practice of meditation is

really important.

And meditation is just a

fancy word for thinking, for pondering.

And one of the ways that I

think and ponder the best

is that I keep a journal

where I write about my

feelings and my experiences.

And it's a way for me to

sort of organize my

thoughts into a more

cohesive form so that I can

examine them better.

So when we have an emotion

come up for us that is

difficult to deal with or

is something that we don't want to feel,

I think that writing about

it or thinking about it

helps us to examine it more closely.

And so that could be a

really good place to begin,

just to have a habit of

meditating and journaling.

at the end of the day,

unpacking how the day went

and the different

circumstances that we were

involved in and the

different ways that we

related to the people in our lives.

Did our interactions go well

or not go well?

And journaling about those

things can help us to

examine them and review them.

And then at the beginning of the day,

I love the practice of

writing down things that

I'm grateful for and

writing down my intentions for the day.

Looking at my schedule of events,

the people that I'm going

to interact with and

envisioning how I want those events to go,

how I want those interactions to go.

and then setting some

intentions about how to

make those go well,

or how to ensure that they

go in the smoothest and

most peaceful way possible.

So just in general,

healing begins with an

understanding of who we are.

And at the root, we really are the same.

Our stories are the human story.

And

instituting a practice of

meditation about examining

our stories and examining

our behaviors and our

relationships is a really

good place to start.

Throughout the series,

I'm going to reference a

few things that I think are

tools that are important

for people who are on a healing journey.

These are mostly going to be

things that you can do

without a therapist.

However,

I think it's also really important to

employ the use of a

therapist when you're

digging into really difficult emotions,

and especially if you have

had traumatic experiences in the past.

Developing a practice of

meditation and using a calm

place exercise, in other words,

envisioning a place where

it's peaceful and calm and you can

absorb all the sights and sounds.

Those are tools that you can

use if your emotions are

elevated or activated,

or if you're feeling like

you're triggered into a

dysregulated response.

However,

I just want to say that I think

it's very important to have

guidance from a therapist

or a mental health

professional when you're

digging into really uncomfortable things.

it's really important to not

get to a place where your

emotions are activated and

dysregulated and to not be

able to come back to center afterwards.

And a therapist can help you

learn how to do that.

And digging into these

healing modalities and

these processes will

probably go a lot faster

and easier if you have

therapeutic guidance as well.

So this is just an

introduction to healing.

I hope to create several

little mini lessons or mini

podcasts or mini episodes

about different ways that I

have learned how to heal

and different tools that I've used.

And I hope that they are helpful.

helpful for you.

I hope that your healing

journey is productive.

And please let me know in

the comments if there's

something specific that you

would like me to address in

a future episode, and I'm happy to do so.

As always, I wish you the very best,

and I hope that you can be

kind to yourself through

this process and get

curious about how you can

heal and move forward to

have a more peaceful and happy life.