The first key to an intimate marriage is: Cultivate Curiosity.
Early in a relationship, it’s easy to be curious about everything from scars, favorite foods, wild stories, spirituality and beyond. Then, as a relationship matures, the curiosity fades and you become more comfortable. You already know how they’ll order their coffee or how they’ll answer a question before you even ask. It’s beautiful to be so familiar and to free your energy to focus on other things.
The problem is that when we become so comfortable and secure in this way, we end up missing out on the growth that we’re each going through. The drop in curiosity leads to being disconnected from one another’s internal experiences.
Curiosity also helps when you’re in the middle of a conflict. If it’s intense, the most helpful thing you can do is to stop, take a breath, and ask a curious, open-ended question. Then listen to the answer with an open mind and an open heart.
If you’re focused on being right, and no longer open to your partner’s point of view, it creates disconnection. On the other hand, when you cultivate curiosity, it builds collaboration, creativity, and connection.
If you are currently in a phase of disconnection and distance in your relationship and/or having conflict, cultivate curiosity! Ask open-ended questions and then listen generously to the responses.
If you’re in a strong, solid, connected relationship, it’s still essential to cultivate curiosity in order to make your relationship even stronger, and more joyful.