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How to Overcome Negative Self Talk to Achieve Your Goals with Midori Verity
Episode 11916th November 2022 • This Shit Works • Julie Brown
00:00:00 00:35:43

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Have you ever thought about something that you have always wanted to accomplish, become, or do - but haven’t even tried because you’ve already convinced yourself that it’s not possible for you?

Have you ever stopped to think about what is so scary about the journey to what you want that you haven’t even taken the first step to getting it? 

Listen in as I talk with Midori Verity, the CEO of Fuel to Fire, who helps driven entrepreneurs identify their life’s vision, set unstoppable goals, and build the life & career blueprint to unlock greater fulfillment and become success magnets..


Drink of the week: Make Believe Cocktail.

 

If you liked what you heard today, please leave a review and subscribe to the podcast. Also, please remember to share the podcast to help it reach a larger audience.


Julie Brown:

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Midory Verity:

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Transcripts

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Have thoughts like these ever looped through your.

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I'll never be financially free.

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I'm too old.

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Maybe I'm too young.

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I'm overwhelmed.

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I'm a procrastinator.

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I don't have anything to offer.

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These, my friends are examples of negative self-talk and the kind of

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shit talking is holding you back from more than you could ever imagine.

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Welcome to episode one 19 of This Shit Works.

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I'm your host, Julie Brown, and today I am joined by me Dory Verity, a

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mindset coach who is here today to help us identify our limiting beliefs

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and overcome negative self-talk.

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Welcome to this Shit Works, Your Weekly No Nonsense guide to networking your way

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to more friends, more adventures, and way more success with your host, Julie Brown.

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Here we.

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Take a moment and think of something you've always wanted to accomplish

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or become or do, but you haven't even try because you've already

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convinced yourself that you can't.

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Have you ever thought about what is so scary about that journey to

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what you want, that you haven't even taken the first step to getting it?

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My guest today is an expert in the belief behavior loop.

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And has created a system to overcome negative self-talk and the

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limiting self-beliefs, which allow our inner unstoppable versions of

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ourselves to come out from hiding.

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Medo.

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Verity is an internationally recognized mindset coach, TV host and certified

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human behavioral specialist, Medori went through her own debilitating li

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midlife crisis, which led her to seek.

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In seeking those answers, she was introduced to a brain science

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methodology, which allows you to take back control of your life.

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That sounds good.

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Not only did she overcome her depression, she created the rewarding

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life she has always wanted, and today she is here to help us do the same.

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Me.

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Dori, welcome to the podcast.

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Yeah, thank you for having me.

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In your bio and also in the intro to you, you mentioned your own midlife.

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And your impetus to seek answers?

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What was happening in your life at the time?

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Yeah, so at that time, my husband and I had had a business for a number of years.

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We started it right outta college and it took off, You know, we, we

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started using Google AdWords and it took off and things were going well.

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I had two children along the way, and what I found was, Hated my business.

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I hated everything about it.

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And of course, with business, when it's your own company, it goes into

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everything in your life, right?

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What was happening is every single thing that I did, I hated.

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I hated my husband, I hated my business, I hated my life.

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I hated everything.

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And I finally got sick of myself and started looking for.

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And that's what took me to what you were talking about with the brain science.

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I went to an event, a business event in Florida, and I met this guy named Doug

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Bench, and he just started talking to me about this thing called neuroplasticity.

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I'm like, What?

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What is that?

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And he explained to me, he said, It doesn't matter where you are in life.

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It doesn't matter what you believe.

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If you want something d.

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You can create it.

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You just have to think about it.

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You just have to use this mind power, this brain power that you

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have the right way and you can create almost whatever you want.

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And so anyway, that kind of like just blew my mind.

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And right when he talked about that, it just felt this, this

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weight was lifted off of me.

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And so from there I came back.

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I hired people to take over my role and my business and was able to move on.

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And so actually that business is still rolling and I've started

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my other companies because of that moment that he told me about

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this concept of neuroplasticity, which is just brain sciences.

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It means that we have this ability to change the way we think and we can change

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the outcomes and we can change the way that our little synapses meet in our

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brain to create this new world for our.

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How do we do that?

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How do we change that?

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Is there a process that he was like, I can teach you a process or, I'm just curious.

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Yeah, so there's a lot of things that you can do, and it's not that hard

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and it doesn't take that long, but it starts with what you're saying.

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Being aware.

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Mm-hmm.

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, it always starts with the awareness part, right?

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So think of what are the limiting beliefs that you're saying to yourself.

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Are you saying, you talked about in the very beginning of this episode.

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Mm-hmm.

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, are you saying you're too old, you're too young, you're too uneducated,

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you're too tall, you're too whatever.

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It's, Think of what it is that you're saying that's negative.

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Write it.

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And then find a way to change that meaning.

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So if you're saying, I don't have enough knowledge to, okay, launch a

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business, then find ways to change that.

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I'm incredibly intelligent.

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I did well in school, I solved this problem, whatever it is,

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and just reprogram your brain and keep repeating it over and over.

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Generally it takes 27 days to 90 days to change.

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A belief pattern.

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So that's just one really simple way to do it.

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Isn't there some studies that it takes 27 days to create a habit?

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So you're almost like creating a habit of.

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Changing that awareness or changing that belief pattern.

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Yep.

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It's all the same.

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It's all the same.

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And, and what they have found though is if it's something that's really

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ingrained, maybe it was something that, that you've been caring since your

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child, which most, most of us have all these things from, from our childhood.

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Right?

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So however strong it is, it may take longer.

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So don't give up after 27 days.

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They used to say, you can change any habit.

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That's not true.

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They found out so, by 90 days.

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As long as you're consistent, as long as you're being aware of it all the time.

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Mm-hmm.

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, then you'll start seeing changes.

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Okay, so let's discuss, cause we, we jumped into part of the

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three A's, which I'm gonna get to.

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But before I get to the three A's, I wanna talk about the three

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phases of the behavior belief loop.

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Mm-hmm.

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, because these are our beliefs about ourselves.

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So you say there's three phases of behavior, belief loop,

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which are your belief, your response, and then your result.

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Can we talk about those a little bit?

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Sure.

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With that, There's a saying out there that if you want different results,

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you gotta change what you're doing.

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Right?

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Right.

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That's not the exact quote, but that that gives you the idea.

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So it's the same thing.

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So when you're changing a habit, you have to be aware of it,

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but then you gotta replace it.

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There's a three prong series, so come aware of it.

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What are you gonna replace it with?

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What's your plan?

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And then you need a reward.

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And when you follow the cycle, That is the thing that will, will

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change it and create that habit.

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So you just wanna have these kinda, these systems in place.

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Okay.

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Maybe people don't understand that what they're doing to

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themselves is negative self talk.

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Mm-hmm.

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, how does ones begin to understand that this is something that I'm doing to myself

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and this is creating a chain reaction, which is stopping me from having the.

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Ability or the confidence to do something different in my life.

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How does the awareness start?

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Like how can somebody consistently say, this is negative self-talk.

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This is a limiting belief.

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Like is that something that they have to have trigger words

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that you tell them to look for?

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Or how would you tell somebody to make sure that you are aware of this?

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Yeah, so there's a few different ways and, and it gets easier to.

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Over time when you're, when you're really kind of raising your alertness to this.

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But if you're pointing fingers at others, that's a great way to notice it, right?

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So if you're saying, Oh, it's his fault, it's her fault she did this.

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So that caused me to have a headache, so I couldn't show up to

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my job the way that I should have.

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When you're doing that finger pointing, that is the first thing to look at, right?

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Mm-hmm.

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, how are you responsible for.

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When you can turn it around and say, Wait a minute, what

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could I have done differently?

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Is it the way that I'm interpreting maybe something that happened?

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And just taking the onus on yourself.

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Mm-hmm.

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is a huge amount of power, and what the reason why we we start pointing

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fingers is because it, it takes away our power and it puts it on somebody else.

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Mm.

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And it makes it so we don't have to be responsible, right?

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But if you wanna change something, if you really are serious about wanting

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to change your life or change your business or change your outcomes,

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you better become aware of it.

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Okay, so noticing where you pointing fingers and how can you change that so

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that you're taking responsibility for it.

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That's gonna be huge.

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Okay.

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And then as far as being negative, you know, limiting beliefs, any

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kinda negative thoughts that you're saying, catch any of them?

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If you're saying, Oh, I hate this traffic, what about Right.

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I mean, Well, if you're in Boston, I'm traffic, Yeah.

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House traffic , Right.

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And I'm in California, Same thing.

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So, If you save yourself, instead you catch it.

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Right?

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You catch it.

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Oh, oh, that's a negative belief.

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Instead, you know what, this gives me time to reflect.

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Mm-hmm.

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, this gives me time to pause instead of running around with my head cut off.

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Mm-hmm.

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, I get to take a moment to think and like listen to music and just enjoy being in

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my car or on the trainer, whatever it is.

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Right?

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So it's just these little.

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Changes.

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And when you do it systematically and you do it all the time, all of a sudden you

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notice, oh my gosh, I'm so much happier.

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Mm-hmm.

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, if you met me 15 years ago, before I was aware of this , I

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was always pointing fingers.

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My husband did everything wrong.

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It was never my fault.

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Mm-hmm.

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, it was always his fault.

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Just ask him.

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And you're still married, I take it.

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It's been 30 something years.

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Yeah.

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So somewhere I did something right.

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But now I hear from people, Oh my gosh, you have this positive energy.

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I love being around you.

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I love your energy, and it's because I'm happier now.

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Mm-hmm.

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but I kept on practicing this and so I don't even think about it anymore.

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It's just who I am.

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When someone comes to me and tells me a problem, I think

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about the positive part of it.

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Sure.

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It's just a way of living, It's a way of, of approaching life.

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Is that how, when you said in the beginning, you.

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Be aware of it and then replace it with a reward.

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So let's go back to the traffic scenario.

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Mm-hmm.

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, I'm aware that traffic sucks and that it's gonna take me 45 minutes to go

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12 miles, but my reward is that I get to listen to a podcast or I get

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to listen to music, or I get to.

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Have a moment to myself before I go home.

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Is that what you mean by replacing it with a reward?

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Or are we looking for other rewards?

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I think in that situation, that's not something that we're trying to change.

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We can't change the traffic.

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Right.

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So it's not habit.

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But what you can do is, is change the habit of the way that you react to things.

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Okay?

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So whether it's traffic, whether it's you go to the grocery store

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and you knew you were making salmon and they're out of salmon.

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Mm-hmm.

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. Um, so you find something else.

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So then it's a new opportu.

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Right.

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So you see it as an op, a positive opportunity.

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Okay, So I get to, I get to sit here and not have my kids screaming in the

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background and I don't have to cook.

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And now we get to go out to dinner instead.

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That's what I'm gonna do instead of worrying about this traffic, right?

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Mm-hmm.

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or the grocery store.

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Okay, well instead we're gonna have, we're gonna have this,

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we're gonna this other kinda fish.

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Mm-hmm.

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. So it's just an opportunity.

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So that's what I mean by it.

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But as far as habits go, think of something that, that is constantly.

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In your life that you want to change.

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So maybe in your business, I'm trying to come up with something that commonly

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happens for people in your business.

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You, um, procrastinate.

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Mm-hmm.

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, right?

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You procrastinate in your business because maybe you don't wanna make that sales

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call and follow up on someone mm-hmm.

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. So instead you become aware of it, hate making sales calls,

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and then re have a reward.

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When I make these three seals calls, I'm gonna reward myself with, um, I get to go.

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For a walk, I get to go do something different.

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Something that you really enjoy.

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Mm-hmm.

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, and you keep on doing that.

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So it becomes this thing That's cool.

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And you also take notice of the positive result that you had.

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Mm-hmm.

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. So I made three sales calls the last three days, and now I've made X amount

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of dollars into my bank account.

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So that feels pretty darn good.

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Mm-hmm.

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, Right?

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So if you think about it from a business standpoint, those are the

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kinds of habits that make us successful.

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Should a person.

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Make a list of maybe all of the negative things that they do.

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Like this is a negative thing that I do.

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I procrastinate this, I haven't done this.

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And then try to change them.

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Or is it something that we just are trying to notice in the moment?

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It's noticing it in the moment is, is big.

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Cause a lot of times we don't realize it, but then once we really start

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noticing, we're like, Oh my gosh.

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Mm-hmm.

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, I'm kinda a.

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Nelly, or wait, I'm trying to, I'm trying to use nice words,

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you know, whatever it is.

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Mm-hmm.

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, you can use bad words on this podcast.

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Okay.

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We're all good.

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That's right.

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Look at the title.

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It works.

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Okay.

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That's good know.

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Yeah.

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And so you just want, just create more awareness, but then notice the

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things that are holding you back.

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Mm-hmm.

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, if you're kinda frustrated because you've been telling yourself,

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This is my year, I'm going to.

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$500,000 this year.

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Mm-hmm.

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, right?

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It's time, but then you are noticing that you're not even close to that target.

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What's getting in the way?

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Yeah, what's really getting in the way.

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And make sure you're looking at yourself.

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Don't look at other things around you because maybe you need a

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who for that, What, mm-hmm.

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But really get aware of what that is.

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So that brings me to the next thing that I, that I work on quite a bit.

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And this has been a huge game changer for me, helping me get outta my

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first business, helping me launch two businesses at the same time,

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helping my clients get big results.

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Creating a habit of setting goals and having a goal mapping system.

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Okay?

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This is huge.

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So if you wanna change a habit, if you wanna change your limiting

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beliefs, start with creating a map.

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And so how it works is at the top you have your summit goals.

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What are those stretchy, exciting goals that you want to hit?

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Okay, so those are typically 12 months to two years.

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Okay.

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And then you chunk it down into 90 day goals.

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So remember we talked about those habits.

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So if you wanna change this habit, do it in these 90 day chunks, okay?

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Right?

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And so you, those are called approach goals.

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So think of this as a mountain.

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I thought of this when I was hiking with my husband one day, and we got

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to this, to this part of the mountain where I felt like I was looking

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vertically and it went on forever.

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And I thought, Good God, how are we gonna get there?

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This is horrible.

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Whose idea was this, and I think it was mine.

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And so at that point I'm like, Okay, I'm gonna break it down into

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these little, you know, these steps and, and kind of chunk it down.

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So this is where that concept came up.

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Mm-hmm.

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. And so anyway, you have your 90 day goals that lead up to your summit goals.

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So it's easier to see mm-hmm.

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. And then underneath those you have your action steps.

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Those are the things that you need to do to get you.

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So, you know, I see all the time with, when I've been working with entrepreneurs

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like, you know, me, Dori, I have all these ideas of what I wanna do.

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I have these goals set, but they're not happening.

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Mm-hmm.

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. And then we look at, and then when I start asking, Okay, well

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what actions are you taking?

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Well, I read a book.

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. Well, I went to a conference.

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Mm-hmm.

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. Okay.

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Yeah.

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No, we need to have concrete action steps that you're taking to get yourself there.

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So when you have this mapped out, you wanna have your results, right?

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We're talking about habits, we're talking about all this because

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we wanna have a better outcome.

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Mm-hmm.

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, that's what this is all about.

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So when you have the summit goal mapping framework in, you're

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following it consistently.

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Everything will start to change.

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And let me just to make this into a better, Create more clarity on this.

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Let me share about the story of one of my clients.

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Yeah.

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So I have this client named Sally, and she owns a triathlon company.

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She's just, when you see her, you know, she's a tri triathlete.

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Mm-hmm.

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. And when she came to me, She set up her goals and at that point she

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wanted to scale, she wanted to start going into other states and, and

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really kind of expanding her company.

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Um, and then she had financial goals.

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She also needed to get big, big sponsors for her races so she could hold all these

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great races and pay for the staff to be there so she wasn't doing everything.

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Yep.

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Right.

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That's one of those, those entrepreneurial problems that we

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have is trying to do everything.

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Mm-hmm.

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. So these were the things, great ideas.

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So she came to, she's been working with me for over a year.

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She's been in my field of fire program and she came to me just before

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the end of last quarter and she's like, Me, Dora, I hit all my goals.

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I hit them six months ahead of time.

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Now I need new goals.

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So she just got done.

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She's from um, Missouri.

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She just got done hosting her first triathlon in Colorado.

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So she scaled.

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Mm-hmm.

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. She has her whole team in place.

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That's what she wanted.

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So she doesn't have to work this hard so she can.

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About her business and how she's gonna grow it.

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Yep.

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And she got the big sponsor so she could abre them.

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So that is the power of, of using this and then also creating

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the habits, the mental habits.

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Mm-hmm.

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to be successful.

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Can we have too many goals at once?

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Yes.

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Yes, yes, yes.

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So the less is more.

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Okay.

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In this situation, what I try to have my clients do when it comes to the big

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summit goals or big stretchy goals mm-hmm.

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is have no more than.

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So have a business goal and then also a personal goal.

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And then maybe you need to have something else in there too.

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But if you limit it to three, that's ideal.

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Okay.

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And again, they can be 12 months to three years out.

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And then as far as your approach goals, you want, same thing, three to five.

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Five is kind of the max.

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Okay.

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And then you have three to five action steps underneath

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each of those approach goals.

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Okay.

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Great.

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I know that you talk about , people becoming.

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Success magnets, and then we have people who are success propels.

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Can you talk a little bit about that?

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Because there always seems to be people who, it just seems that they always have

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the right people around them and they're making the right decision and they.

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I don't wanna say they fail forward cuz I'm not saying that, but they

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just always seem to be successful and be in the right room with the right

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people at the right time and good things are always happening to them.

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And then there's people who just can't seem to get out of their way.

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Is this a little bit what you mean about success magnets and repellers?

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That's exactly it.

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Yeah.

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So it's, that kind of sums up all the things that we're talking about, right?

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Creating habits, creating mindsets.

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Mm-hmm.

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the positive mindset.

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Who wants to be around someone who's negative?

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I know no one wants to, So the more positive, and then this is

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actually, there's a lot of, uh, data behind what I'm about to

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say, but those who have a positive attitude tend to be more successful.

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Right?

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Right.

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You can, you can feel 'em when they come into a room, when they have that

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positivity and they have that confide.

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You're drawn to them.

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Yep.

Speaker:

So when they need a who for that what?

Speaker:

When they're trying to solve a problem or they want to scale their business

Speaker:

or they want to do something else, just kind of naturally the right people are

Speaker:

attracted to them because of this kind of, this, not to get weird, but kind

Speaker:

of this aura that they put out there.

Speaker:

Sure.

Speaker:

Makes sense.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

. Yep.

Speaker:

Yeah, so that's, That is what, what I mean by the repellers.

Speaker:

You can feel the Repellers we all know.

Speaker:

Yeah, tell you mentioned it quickly.

Speaker:

Your fuel to fire group.

Speaker:

What is that?

Speaker:

Yeah, so Fuel to Fire.

Speaker:

It was born during the pandemic.

Speaker:

Oh, okay.

Speaker:

And you know, I've been an entrepreneur for almost 30 years, so I've gone

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through many gut punches and.

Speaker:

Knockouts of the needs, you know, it's just part of it, right?

Speaker:

You kinda build up this resilience and the strength.

Speaker:

You're gonna be a successful entrepreneur.

Speaker:

And so when the pandemic hit, I saw so many entrepreneurs drop to their knees

Speaker:

with fear, with not knowing what to do.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

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and freaking out.

Speaker:

And so at that point I thought, Okay, what can I do at that?

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I was working one on one with clients.

Speaker:

I was more of the high ticket.

Speaker:

I'm like, There are too many people that are struggling right

Speaker:

now and it's such a pain point.

Speaker:

What can we do to help more people and do it?

Speaker:

I impactfully without having to charge what I'm doing.

Speaker:

Right?

Speaker:

And so that's when I came up with the whole concept behind fuel the fire.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

. And so it's so simple.

Speaker:

It's three main things.

Speaker:

We start with the summit goal mapping framework, so they are

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crystal clear on where they're.

Speaker:

Right, so they can see it.

Speaker:

Number two, we layer that with accountability pods, so they're put

Speaker:

into small groups of three to five other entrepreneurs that are like-minded

Speaker:

and driven and supportive so that they're helping each other rise up.

Speaker:

Yeah.

Speaker:

And also those pods include a facilitator, trained facilitator.

Speaker:

So we're staying in the positivity realm and everyone's getting

Speaker:

the same amount of attention.

Speaker:

So one person's not dominating.

Speaker:

Right?

Speaker:

Like a Facebook group like I would, you know, And so not to call

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anyone out, but you know, , that's why we have that facilitator.

Speaker:

And then we have mentoring in there too.

Speaker:

So light mentoring just to kind of help, but it's kinda a three-prong

Speaker:

approach to help people really accelerate their goals and.

Speaker:

Simply.

Speaker:

Okay.

Speaker:

And impactfully.

Speaker:

And how long does that group last?

Speaker:

How long are you in that group?

Speaker:

So it's a six month commitment.

Speaker:

Okay.

Speaker:

But most of our members, the members that we're seeing have,

Speaker:

you know, I had talked about Sally, She's been in since the beginning.

Speaker:

So it's been about a year and a half.

Speaker:

Okay.

Speaker:

But at six months, it's weird.

Speaker:

Julie, what we saw is the members, when they got to six, They're arising,

Speaker:

but then at six months, all of a sudden they start accelerating.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

. And you saw that hill go up and then at nine months there was another jolt.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

of acceleration.

Speaker:

And so that's what we're seeing with the members.

Speaker:

It's really kind of interesting.

Speaker:

I think maybe in the beginning they're learning how to do their summit goals.

Speaker:

They're learning how to really create it, and then they start building momentum.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

and they gel with their pod.

Speaker:

And, um, I don't know, it's just kind of this interesting phenomenon that we're.

Speaker:

Yeah, I think it's interesting because even as an entrepreneur, my company

Speaker:

will be seven years old in January.

Speaker:

If somebody asked me right now, what is your big goal?

Speaker:

Like, I have an idea of it, but I've never actually thought about.

Speaker:

What is my goal?

Speaker:

Like, what is my goal for 2023?

Speaker:

Like I could say, Oh, I wanna, I wanna get booked for more speaking gigs.

Speaker:

I wanna have an audience of this size or whatever, but it's never been laid out to

Speaker:

something where I, I maybe have a map or I can climb that mountain up to that goal.

Speaker:

So how many other people out there are like me, whose companies are

Speaker:

extremely busy, So busy, I can't see straight, but busy doing.

Speaker:

Like, because I haven't set the goals yet.

Speaker:

Yeah.

Speaker:

And so what I would say to you, Julie, is like, okay, so you talked about

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maybe getting more speaking gigs and doing some other things, but why?

Speaker:

What is the outcome that you're trying to achieve?

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

, right?

Speaker:

Yeah.

Speaker:

Is it that you wanna scale?

Speaker:

Is it that you want to hit a certain revenue goal?

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

, Um, is it that you want a certain type of lifestyle?

Speaker:

Maybe you want more freedom.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

, maybe that's what it is.

Speaker:

Maybe you wanna have the people in place to run your company.

Speaker:

Yeah.

Speaker:

For the most part.

Speaker:

And you're just being the CEO who.

Speaker:

Making sure everything is running smoothly and you wanna go acquire

Speaker:

another business or whatever it is.

Speaker:

Yeah.

Speaker:

What is the outcome that you're really striving for?

Speaker:

And that becomes your summit goal.

Speaker:

Yeah.

Speaker:

And there you work backwards.

Speaker:

Right?

Speaker:

So you just said it, so maybe I, I need to have 10 speaking gigs by this date.

Speaker:

Right.

Speaker:

So I'm getting my word out there.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

. So that's considered an approach goal.

Speaker:

Okay.

Speaker:

Does that make sense?

Speaker:

Yep.

Speaker:

And then I'm assuming the approach goals.

Speaker:

The habit forming and the mindset in the accountability is what

Speaker:

allows you to achieve those approach goals that get you to your summit.

Speaker:

So when you're going through the approach goals, do you.

Speaker:

Talk a little bit about habits that it takes and overcoming your

Speaker:

procrastination or overcoming your limiting beliefs or what, or whatever's

Speaker:

holding you back from doing the small steps that create big change.

Speaker:

Absolutely.

Speaker:

That's such a huge part of it.

Speaker:

Mindset and our mental game is a huge part of success.

Speaker:

The way that I have the Summit Goal framework laid out, there's rewards in

Speaker:

there too, and that's part of the habit.

Speaker:

So that's in there as well.

Speaker:

And that's a huge part of what, what I tell them members, but

Speaker:

showing up to your pods each week.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

, because just like when you have a fitness trainer, you're gonna show

Speaker:

up and you're gonna do the work.

Speaker:

I don't care if you have a hangover, if your foot hurts, if you have

Speaker:

a headache, it doesn't matter.

Speaker:

You're gonna, and you're gonna do it.

Speaker:

Right.

Speaker:

And so it's the same thing with your pod.

Speaker:

You're gonna show up and you're going to.

Speaker:

More likely achieve the goals that you had mentioned the week

Speaker:

before that you're going to do.

Speaker:

Right.

Speaker:

That becomes a habit.

Speaker:

That's a success habit.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

. So I think maybe I just answered my question about six months and

Speaker:

nine months, you know, why are they so steep inclining, Right.

Speaker:

And I think it's because of that habit that has formed.

Speaker:

Why do you suggest that people create a business goal and a personal goal side by.

Speaker:

Because we start businesses for personal reasons, right?

Speaker:

Yeah.

Speaker:

The whole reason why we start a business is because we want something different.

Speaker:

We want a better life.

Speaker:

We're not starting a bus.

Speaker:

Running a business is not easy.

Speaker:

It'd be much easier for me to go work in a job where I can shut the door

Speaker:

at five o'clock and be done, right?

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

, starting a business is definitely not easier.

Speaker:

There's a personal reason why we do it, and the more that we can become.

Speaker:

With what matters to us the most.

Speaker:

Meaning what are our core values?

Speaker:

What are we passionate about?

Speaker:

What drives us?

Speaker:

What gets us excited?

Speaker:

What, what motivates us?

Speaker:

And then also what are we good at?

Speaker:

What's our zoning genius?

Speaker:

And we can combine those and we have that as our, our personal goal.

Speaker:

And then we have our business that supports it.

Speaker:

You're gonna end up in a good place.

Speaker:

Yeah.

Speaker:

Cause I.

Speaker:

I think I suck at goal setting.

Speaker:

Cause now that I think about it, I don't think I've set any

Speaker:

personal goals either, . That's ok.

Speaker:

We're gonna help you.

Speaker:

We're gonna, we're we'll help you out there Julie.

Speaker:

I used to like, I used to, you know, marathon train and mar run marathons,

Speaker:

so those were always personal goals and I just don't think I've set a personal

Speaker:

goal for myself in a very long time.

Speaker:

So maybe, Yeah.

Speaker:

Well, personal goals are so much fun, right?

Speaker:

Like if you can just kind of take a second to breathe and to go think about it.

Speaker:

I, my husband and I, we go and do, we've always done the supply.

Speaker:

We've been together forever.

Speaker:

But we'll go do little mini Bay case.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

, you know, just a couple days we'll just go over to Napa, which is right next to us.

Speaker:

Yep.

Speaker:

Or San Francisco or wherever.

Speaker:

And that gives us that time to just kind of reflect and think about,

Speaker:

well, what, where do we wanna go?

Speaker:

What do we wanna create?

Speaker:

What do we wanna do?

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

And that's fun.

Speaker:

That's what life is about.

Speaker:

Right?

Speaker:

Right.

Speaker:

And so just kind of reminding ourselves, that's why I love the summit goals.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

, because it's there to say, Okay, what do you want?

Speaker:

Right.

Speaker:

What is that stretchy goal that that excites you and.

Speaker:

Makes you wanna jump outta bed every day to go achieve it.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

. Yeah.

Speaker:

I love that you've combined the personal with the professional

Speaker:

because you are correct.

Speaker:

When you start a business, you, you start it because something was

Speaker:

wrong in working for someone else.

Speaker:

It was taking away something from your life, working for someone

Speaker:

else, or your desire for what you did was so, was so strong.

Speaker:

When you are an entrepreneur, it can be really easy to just get fully

Speaker:

encompassed in the job that you do and in the business and have the business

Speaker:

become your life and forget that there's life outside of the business.

Speaker:

I'm a hundred percent guilty of that and I've always said to

Speaker:

myself, Well, it's okay because I love what I do, so it's not real.

Speaker:

It is work.

Speaker:

It is work, but it's okay because I love what I do.

Speaker:

So it's okay that I do it all the time, but it's not cause I

Speaker:

had a life before I did this.

Speaker:

Yeah.

Speaker:

And so it really depends on what do you want, what, what is, what fills you up.

Speaker:

Yeah.

Speaker:

Right.

Speaker:

How many people do we know that are extremely successful financially?

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

, but then they're unhappy.

Speaker:

Yep.

Speaker:

Right.

Speaker:

There's something that's missing.

Speaker:

That's why the personal goal is so important.

Speaker:

Yeah.

Speaker:

And that's where I was, you know, when I, when my husband and I first

Speaker:

started our business, And it grew and things were going well, and I hated it.

Speaker:

I went through a depression because I was working 50 hours a week at least.

Speaker:

I was raising these two kids, trying to be a super mom, trying to volunteer at school

Speaker:

and trying to buy investment properties and trying to have my house look nice and

Speaker:

trying to work out and you know, whatever.

Speaker:

Yeah, it's insane.

Speaker:

It's impossible.

Speaker:

So when you can kind of niche it down, And say, Okay, here's what really matters.

Speaker:

Here's what I really care about and this is what I'm gonna focus

Speaker:

on so that I can still work.

Speaker:

So if you were doing marathons, that's really important to you, Right?

Speaker:

Feeling good.

Speaker:

And yeah, there's, there's a lot to that.

Speaker:

What makes my heart sync?

Speaker:

And when you can have those summit goals, so you're focusing on the right things.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

, not everything.

Speaker:

Not everything.

Speaker:

Because as entrepreneurs there's, there's always stuff to focus on.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

. But you wanna be focused on the needle turners, the things that are gonna make

Speaker:

your life the way that you want it to be.

Speaker:

That's why the right goal setting and having the map there is so impactful.

Speaker:

Yeah.

Speaker:

And that's gonna cause some, some decision making within your company.

Speaker:

When I decided that I wanted to speak full-time, it meant I had to let go

Speaker:

of my reoccurring revenue clients, and that was really difficult.

Speaker:

And it was scary because reoccurring revenue.

Speaker:

Means it's always coming.

Speaker:

and speaking didn't mean it was always coming.

Speaker:

You have to get, I mean, you get paid for one gig and then

Speaker:

you gotta find another gig.

Speaker:

So I think also setting those summit goals also makes you make really

Speaker:

difficult, yet important decisions about your business and or about

Speaker:

your life since it's a personal goal.

Speaker:

So, Yeah.

Speaker:

It get you just to reflect, right?

Speaker:

Yeah.

Speaker:

To really think about and, and feel the fight.

Speaker:

Cause there's a lot that goes to this.

Speaker:

We, there's no way that we can cover this in the matter of this time.

Speaker:

Right.

Speaker:

But you know, we have something called the personal mission statement.

Speaker:

That's where you dive into those personal things that really matter.

Speaker:

And then you use that to make all your big decisions, no

Speaker:

matter what you're going to be.

Speaker:

Right?

Speaker:

Yeah.

Speaker:

You're going to be okay.

Speaker:

So it's just kind.

Speaker:

I believe now that I'm 50 something, that life should be exciting and fun.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

, it shouldn't be always draining and, Right, right.

Speaker:

So what can you do to make it better?

Speaker:

Yeah.

Speaker:

Because we can't cover everything that you do in fuel to fire.

Speaker:

How can people find out about you and fuel to fire to learn more?

Speaker:

Cause I'm sure everybody is like, Yes, I need those summit goals

Speaker:

for my life and from a business.

Speaker:

So where's the best place for them to find you and reach

Speaker:

out to you and connect to you?

Speaker:

Yeah.

Speaker:

Well, what I would love to do, we've been talking about it and you can use

Speaker:

this too, is I would be happy to share the summit goal mapping framework.

Speaker:

Okay.

Speaker:

Training.

Speaker:

And all they have to do is go to Fuel to fire.co/goals.

Speaker:

Okay.

Speaker:

And you can get everything there.

Speaker:

And there's a video training there too.

Speaker:

And that will help give you a background on how to do this video

Speaker:

training right in that website that they can just go to and get.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

. Oh, perfect.

Speaker:

All right, so I'll put a link to that in the show notes.

Speaker:

Um, Perfect.

Speaker:

I love, I don't usually talk about the drink of the day, I do it

Speaker:

afterwards, but I love that your favorite drink is the AOL Spritz.

Speaker:

Cause I just fell in love with Aall Spritzes this summer . I

Speaker:

dunno why it's the most beautiful.

Speaker:

Right.

Speaker:

And you drink and you just feel sexier when I'm drinking.

Speaker:

I know.

Speaker:

Cause they always come in those big glasses and like Yeah, I had

Speaker:

one on Saturday . I'm with you.

Speaker:

Cheers.

Speaker:

Yeah, no, I agree.

Speaker:

Yeah, it is my favorite.

Speaker:

Maor this.

Speaker:

So wonderful.

Speaker:

Thank you for being here.

Speaker:

I really appreciate you giving us your time and your knowledge and the, the video

Speaker:

training that everybody's gonna go to.

Speaker:

I really appreciate it.

Speaker:

Yeah, thank you for having me.

Speaker:

This was fun to chat about and to revisit the things that you made me

Speaker:

think about, things that I haven't thought about in a long time.

Speaker:

So it was fantastic.

Speaker:

Thank you for having me.

Speaker:

You're welcome.

Speaker:

This is one of those interviews where I'm reminded that there is still so much

Speaker:

shit I have to do in my business and probably in my life, like create summit

Speaker:

goals and break them down into doable or actionable steps as me Dori talked about.

Speaker:

I think sometimes it can be hard to verbalize what our goals are to put

Speaker:

them out in the world, because if we put them out in the world, then we

Speaker:

are acknowledging that it's something that we want and we're afraid that

Speaker:

we won't be able to achieve what we.

Speaker:

That's where the limiting beliefs and shitty negative top come in.

Speaker:

We can almost always talk ourselves out of what we are capable of

Speaker:

doing in the success we deserve.

Speaker:

I can tell you one thing, my bitch ass is marching over to the Fuel

Speaker:

the Fire Group website so that I can watch that free video training

Speaker:

on setting the summit goals.

Speaker:

I know I can achieve summit goals.

Speaker:

I already have achieved some of them.

Speaker:

I wrote a book, I launched this podcast, but it's been a long time since I

Speaker:

sat down and said, Okay, what's next?

Speaker:

What is my next bigger and more badass goal?

Speaker:

And is that goal just for my business or is it for me on a personal level?

Speaker:

I want you to take a moment to think about what your goals would be for

Speaker:

your business or career, and then for yourself personally, what is

Speaker:

standing in the way of you achieving?

Speaker:

If it's you, then let's work on challenging our habits and

Speaker:

our beliefs about ourselves.

Speaker:

Ranch, of course, brings us to our drink in the week, which is appropriately

Speaker:

called make believe cocktail.

Speaker:

I have no fucking clue why it's called that, but here's

Speaker:

what you're going to need.

Speaker:

Half ounce of white rum or light rum.

Speaker:

A quarter ounce of pineapple juice and ounce of cherry liquor

Speaker:

fur, and an ounce of raspberry.

Speaker:

Stir ingredients into a cocktail, glass over crushed ice, and then

Speaker:

garnish with the meat and stir.

Speaker:

All right, friends.

Speaker:

If you like what you heard today, please review and subscribe to the podcast.

Speaker:

Also, please remember to share the podcast with your friends

Speaker:

to help reach a larger audience.

Speaker:

Earn until next week.

Speaker:

Cheers.

Speaker:

Hey, thanks for taking the time to listen.

Speaker:

Be sure to subscribe to the podcast so you never miss a tip.

Speaker:

And remember, you can unapologetically be who you authentically are

Speaker:

and still be wildly successful.

Speaker:

That's a fact.

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