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kind leadership, good results
Episode 3414th September 2022 • PowerPivot • Leela Sinha
00:00:00 00:10:37

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What if everybody had "I will not take it out on others" on their top priority list?

Mentioned in this episode:

When I was a kid, I used to dread going to school every single morning, I'd get a little bit sick. And honestly, I thought it was normal. So when I grew up and started going to work, and it kept happening, I thought that was normal too. And it was a long time before I found out that that's not in fact, normal. And then I started my own business, and I figured that the problem would probably go away. Yeah, spoiler, it did not go away. People are unpredictable, and they bring all their emotions with them into the business relationship. And we bring all our emotions with us into the business relationship. And that, that's the part that made me nervous. Wouldn't it be great if everything was just a little more predictable? Wouldn't it be great if you could like guess better what people were going to need or want or what was going to make them mad or what was going to make them happy? With executive coaching based on the Sinha Intensives-Expansives Framework you can do that. We'll help you find just a little bit more of that predictability by understanding what your people want, what your people need, and what makes them feel good. You can better anticipate their responses and meet them where they really are, negotiate better, serve them better, and grow your business better. For more information, book a call at intensivesinstitute.com.

Transcripts

Leela Sinha:

Hey, everyone, thanks for tuning in. So there

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are ways in which being a leader is hard. And one of the ways

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that that's hard is that we have to recognize the amount of

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influence that we have over the people who are following us.

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Whether that's the people in our companies, or whether that's our

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audience, or whether those are our clients and customers, we

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can have so much influence on the world that we're in. And

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that means that when we do stuff in public, and by 'in public' I

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mean anywhere in any of those contexts where others of those

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people will see us or hear us, we often can mess things up

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pretty badly. Because we're human, we're made of human and

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the idea that we're going to be pristinely perfect and above

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reproach is absurd and outdated. So we can just set that one

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aside, that's not happening. However, it is fair for us to

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expect ourselves, and for others to expect us, to do as well as

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we can under the circumstances in the context of spaces where

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we have influence. So for example, if I am the leader of a

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company, and I make a public statement, it's on me to try

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really hard to make that public statement as undamaging as

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possible. If I'm a leader of a small company, a micro company,

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three people, whatever, and I'm meeting with my team, and I'm

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having a crappy day, for reasons, for any reasons, really

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even ones related to the company. Taking that out on

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those people is not going to make the situation better. It's

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just not, it's not going to improve things, you do not want

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people scared of you. That's not a way to lead. I know people are

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going to disagree with me. But I believe that one does not get

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the best work and especially not the best innovative creative

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work out of people if they're scared. And when we do decide to

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let the shit roll downhill, when we do come out of the gate

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swinging in ways that we shouldn't, then it all

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eventually collects on the person at the bottom of the

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chain, whatever that is. So like, you have, you know, like

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the "Rainy Day Book," which is this, I think, 1950s children's

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book, little tiny square book, not very many pages, pen and ink

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and watercolor illustrations. And it's this story about like,

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the dad sticks his head out the door before he leaves for work,

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and it's raining. And so he is grumpy and doesn't kiss his wife

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goodbye. And so his wife is grumpy at the kid and the kid is

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gru- right like down the chain, a couple more steps. And then we

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get to the dog who gets like shoved or something, but then

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comes right back and is like waggy waggy, waggy, waggy lick,

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lick lick. And the dog turns it around. Right. So then the dog

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is nice to the kid. So the kid is nice to their siblings, the

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sibling is nice to the mom, so the mom is nice to the dad,

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right? And so everybody's happy by the end of the day. But that

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model is not necessarily the healthiest model because it

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assumes that the person that's at the bottom of the chain is

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responsible for making everybody above them happy. Like it's you

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know, if you can just be happy and kind and sweet and good

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enough, everybody else around you will feel better. That's not

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a message I would want to pass on to my kids. Just saying. And

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that is the message that our culture tends to give. So when

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we as leaders take responsibility at the top

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instead, at the beginning, and we say "I am not going to start

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that process, I am not going to be grumpy at the next person

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down" in a way that leaves them feeling bad in a way that makes

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them less resilient, less able to hold whatever happens in

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their sphere with grace, right, I'm not going to take up that

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energy from the other people. What I'm going to do is I'm

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going to own my stuff here, I'm going to keep it with me. I'm

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going to dispose of it appropriately. I'm going to

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manage it with my therapist or with my coach or, or with my

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friend but in a way that is not mean to my friend, I'm just

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going to say to my friend "Hey, can you can I vent to you for

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like 20 minutes because I'm so out of sorts and I have a

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meeting and I don't want to go into that meeting in a bad

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mood." And most of the time your friend will be like sure you can

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vent and you can just like talk about what's happening but not

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be mean to them. And then they can usually hold that space and

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then you can go into your meeting and it's fine.

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We need to carry that ethos t hat philosophy, as much as we

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can. We're all human. But as much as we can, everywhere. And

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a lot of times especially in small businesses, there's,

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there's no, there's no second in command, right? There's the

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founder. And then there are like the three team members. And

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that's it. And so you can't just say to your deputy, you know,

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leader, "listen, I'm having a bad day, can you go have that

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conversation?" Because there's nobody else to have that

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conversation, it's got to be you. And so you do, and you do

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the best that you can, hopefully. When it comes to

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larger companies, right, the influence level just gets

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magnified. Look at, you know, what if, what if Facebook, were

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trying to be good? Just trying even? Or what if, what if Uber

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were just trying to be good? Or what if, you know, what if

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everybody had in their top priority list, "I will not take

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it out on others." When a company does that-and people can

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tell- what happens is that company attract better

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employees, that company has better employee loyalty, that

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company has better customer loyalty, that company has often

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better quality products or services, because the people

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involved in producing them are happy. They feel respected. They

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feel like their humanity is important to the leadership of

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the organization. So we have a choice. As leaders, we can own

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our stuff, make sure it doesn't roll downhill and build that

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into the culture of the company. So that at every level of

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leadership, every leader decides is this useful? Is this

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effective? Is this going to help? Or is this my frustration,

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my anger, my bad day from somewhere else, whatever it is,

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my fear, my anxiety- is that what's at play here? Is that

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what's going to influence how I present this in this meeting to

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this person, to the organization itself. When we make those

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decisions consciously, when we build rituals into our days, and

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into our systems, that allow us to double-check ourselves before

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we go into a meeting or at the beginning of a meeting. And to

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be real with people like you can say, "I'm having a bad day." But

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then the next thing you say isn't, "so y'all better watch

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out." The next thing you say is something like "so I'm going to

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not make some of the decisions we were planning to make today.

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Because I just don't think that I'm in the right headspace to be

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making those choices. So we're going to put those choices off

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until tomorrow. I need to take a break, take some sleep, I know

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nobody else can make those decisions. So I'm going to have

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to make them, but not in this headspace. I just- that would

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not be responsible and I'm not going to do it." When we do that

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on an individual level, on a leadership level, and on an

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organizational level, then we start to shift the world toward

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a better way of being. Is this all a long winded way of saying

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"own your shit?" Yes. Is it also a reminder that we're all human?

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Also yes. And we need to find ways of being human that are

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kind and that allow us to make the world a better place. Thanks

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