In this series on How To Heal, Megan reveals the tools that helped her most in her healing journey and invites listeners to follow along in making small changes that change everything.

About the Host:e

Megan Conner is the mother of 6 spectacular humans and a breaker of generational trauma cycles. She has spent the last 10 years overcoming the effects of child SA and other abusive relationships and cycles. She is the author of I Walked Through Fire to Get Here, which was written to give support and hope to other survivors. Megan is passionate about helping people make small changes that make their lives better every day.  

https://third-verse.com/

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=29623844

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCdTAwWoBlyiAEDIdahq5U6g

https://www.instagram.com/third_verse/

https://www.tiktok.com/@third_verse

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BVTT

Hello, beautiful humans.

Welcome to this series on how to heal.

This video is going to

discuss how to seek out discomfort.

I know that probably sounds

a little bit strange, but trust me,

we'll figure it out together.

I'm Megan Connor,

and this channel is all about healing.

I'm the host of the Midlife

Revolution podcast,

and this series is just

intended to help people

have some more tools in

their toolbox about how to

engage in healing from

trauma or other difficult experiences.

I am not a licensed mental

health professional.

I am only...

an expert in my own trauma.

I share this for

informational purposes only.

And I'm just hopeful that it

will help some people to

gain the skills that they

need to dig into uncomfortable emotions.

So seeking discomfort,

is one of those things that

we might not consider as part of healing.

But anytime that we want to

get better at something or

anytime we want to improve

ourselves in any way,

we have to do things that

are uncomfortable.

If you think of it kind of

like going to the gym,

if we want to get stronger,

then we have to get up, get dressed,

go to the gym and lift heavy things.

We might have to run on the

treadmill or we might have

to do a whole bunch of sit-ups.

And none of those things are comfortable.

It's much more comfortable

to just sit at home and

relax in our lovely bed.

But if we do that,

we're not ever going to get stronger.

And so seeking out

discomfort in the mental

health arena would look

like going to therapy,

finding a therapist,

listening to recordings of people

books that can be self-help

books or seeking out

content on the internet

like this and actually

absorbing the things that

people say and then

incorporating them into our lives.

It's going to take time and effort,

but getting uncomfortable

is one of the only ways

that we can really improve ourselves.

Now,

I know that finding a therapist is a

really uncomfortable thing for a

telling your deepest,

darkest secrets to a

complete stranger might

seem a little bit scary and

uncomfortable.

And that's one of the things

that I want to encourage

you to try and overcome

because it's so important

to do this work.

So I actually always thought

that telling my deep,

dark secrets to a total

stranger felt a little bit

freeing because

I knew that they were never

going to tell anybody else.

And I was also able to get

some feedback on those things.

And so maybe we can focus on

what could be positive

about the experience rather

than focusing on how

uncomfortable it might feel at first.

to tell all of these things

to a therapist.

I also relate that when I

was switching from one

therapist to another,

having to rehash all of the

details of my trauma at

length was a very

uncomfortable thing to do.

But the more that I talked

about my experiences,

the better that I felt.

Sometimes just saying things

out loud for me was very healing.

And I got to the point where

I did feel comfortable

talking about my experiences

with complete strangers, obviously,

or I wouldn't be here.

But I was silenced so much

as a child and not allowed

to feel my big feelings and

have my big emotions that

saying things out loud

became very healing for me.

And it can be for a lot of people as well,

even though the

vulnerability of it might

feel scary at first.

So finding a good therapist

or a good mental health

provider can be really difficult.

There are a lot of

therapists out there that

act unethically or that

haven't really done their

own healing work and

Trusting your mental health

to someone who hasn't done

their own work is, I think,

a pretty dangerous thing to do.

So there are a lot of

questions that we can ask a

therapist when we're in the

process of hiring them for

the job of caring for our mental health.

It absolutely should be like

a job interview.

What are your qualifications?

What are your experiences?

What was your healing journey like?

Those kinds of questions are

really important to ask a

therapist so that we make

sure that we're getting

competent care and also so

that we can see if our

personalities align.

Most therapists will do some

kind of initial

consultation that is complimentary.

In other words,

they won't charge you or

charge your insurance for it.

just as a way of making sure

that they can provide what

you need in counseling and

also to make sure that your

personalities mesh and that

their communication style

is something that you can receive.

So there are lots of

different questions and

different ways that you can

get this information.

I have a free how to hire a

therapist guide on my website.

You can download it there at

third-verse.com.

I'll put the link in the

video description here.

And it has a very extensive

list of questions,

things that you need to

know before you begin your

therapeutic journey.

Another thing to consider is

thinking about the kind of

therapy that you might need

and doing some research

into different healing

modalities to see what

resonates with you and what

you think might be a good

fit for the things that

you're wanting to work on.

For example,

if you have a lot of trauma in your past,

it's really important to

work with a therapist who

has certification and

training in trauma-based

healing modalities.

I spent about three years in talk therapy,

which was basically

dialectical behavioral therapy,

before I realized that in

order to work on my trauma,

I had to use a different

kind of healing modality.

And I'm not saying that that

three years was wasted time.

Not at all.

In fact, it was incredibly helpful.

And it got me to a place

where I could recognize trauma.

harmful behaviors and

harmful cycles in my life.

And it was incredibly important.

When I finished those three

years of therapy,

I was finally ready to dig

into my trauma and I was

able to find a trauma

healing modality that worked for me.

In specific,

I found EMDR therapy and it

literally saved my life.

It was wonderful.

But EMDR is not for everyone

and it doesn't work for

everyone in the same way.

And so it's important to do

some research prior to

to hiring a therapist so

that you know what

expertise you're looking

for or what healing

modality might be the best for you.

There are lots and lots of

online resources and free

therapy resources as well

if you do some research into that.

And so I hope that you will

get to the point where you

can find something that works for you.

And if you're having trouble

finding the type of

therapeutic help that you need,

please let us know in the comments.

This community is a great place

where people love to connect

and help each other and so

if you're having a

difficulty with finding a

therapist or finding a

healing modality that works

for you our channel members

are really excellent at

helping out with those

kinds of things in the comments

So I just want to go back

and sort of revisit the

original concept of this

video was getting to the

point where we can seek out discomfort.

It's definitely a way that

we can improve ourselves.

If we have never painted a picture before,

it's going to be uncomfortable.

to find out how to do that.

And it can be the same way

with healing and with therapy.

But seeking out discomfort

is the best way for us to

learn and grow as human beings.

So I want to encourage you

in your journey.

I wish you all the very best.

Please like the video.

And if you found it helpful,

please share it with

someone else who you would

love to see get into a

healing modality and

subscribe to the channel so

that you can get

notifications for more

content about healing.

Be well and have a wonderful day.