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The Many Facets of Reclaiming Ourselves | A Self-Discovery Process
Episode 54th October 2022 • Reclaiming Ourselves™ • Sonya Stattmann
00:00:00 00:53:25

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Now that you’ve met each amazing co-host individually, prepare to have your heart opened as together they share their thoughts on what it means to reclaim ourselves. 

In this panel discussion, they discuss what the self-discovery process has looked like for each of them, and where they are on their journeys today. 

They share how they have faced the big self-discovery questions and where that has led their life and career. It is a beautiful conversation around self-discovery, embodied learning, and what it takes to come home to our true selves. 

Join us as we discuss

  • 15:16 The conflict between societal values of individualism and the lack of support for understanding and embracing the self.
  • 23:41 How the mind can get in the way of the body’s work to feel - and heal - grief and trauma.
  • 28:26 The creative process of embracing touchstone memories.
  • 39:21 The healing power of community and sharing stories.

Resources mentioned in the show:

Learn more about the hosts

—> Sonya Stattmann is the host & creator of Reclaiming Ourselves™. She is a TEDx & corporate speaker, and has been working with leaders around personal development for the last 22 years. She teaches workshops & offers small group programs around emotional intelligence, transformational & embodied leadership and energy management. You can find more about her here:

Website: https://www.sonyastattmann.com/

Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sonyastattmann/

—> Laura Shook-Guzman, co-host of Reclaiming Ourselves, LMFT, and Somatic Psychotherapist for entrepreneurs has been a mental health professional for 23 years. She’s the founder of three businesses; the world's first Wellness Coworking Community Soma Vida, the global community Women Who Cowork, and her own therapy practice, Conscious Ambition. You can find more about her here: 

Website: http://www.laurashookguzman.com/

Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/laurashookguzman/ 

—> Belinda Haan, co-host of Reclaiming Ourselves, is a gifted Masters-level certified professional coach who has worked with leaders and executives in various Fortune 500 corporations worldwide. She is a mindfulness and compassion teacher and facilitates group and individual therapeutic interventions that promote inner connection and belonging. She is personally passionate about bridging the gap between science and spirit, using an empathic, grounded approach that weaves contemplative practice and accessible personal development with her clients. You can find more about her here:

Website: www.belindahaan.com

Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/belinda-haan-b1b02815/

—> Emily Soccorsy [So-KOR-SEE], co-host of Reclaiming Ourselves, believes branding is how people experience what you believe. As owner and CEO of Root + River, a brand strategy team, Emily uses her talents to help leaders uncover the foundations of their brand: message, audience, differentiators, and overall brand strategy. She’s also an author, speaker, poet, artist, and mom of two daughters (and a 130-pound Great Pyrenees named Archie) and partner to her husband of over 20 years. You can find more about her here:

Website: https://rootandriver.com/

Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/emilysoccorsy/ 

What you can do next:

  1. For more episodes, opportunities and information on the hosts, visit http://reclaimingourselvespodcast.com/
  2. Love the podcast? Get episodes delivered to your inbox with articles related to the topics we talk about. You can sign up at http://reclaimingourselvespodcast.com/
  3. Need a little weekly magic? Sign up for Worthy Love Notes & weekly affirmations here https://www.sonyastattmann.com/self-worth-affirmations-2/  

Thank you for being you. We are so honored to have you as a listener!

Transcripts

Emily Soccorsy:

One of the things I know I avoid is that sense of vulnerability

Emily Soccorsy:

that comes along with storytelling.

Emily Soccorsy:

That's required to get to that next loop around the, the spiral.

Emily Soccorsy:

I think the power of the community makes that I don't wanna use the word easier

Emily Soccorsy:

because it's never easy to be vulnerable.

Emily Soccorsy:

but it eases it a little, makes it a bit, a bit more comfortable.

Belinda Haan:

Oh, gosh.

Belinda Haan:

Yes.

Belinda Haan:

I there's so many things I wanna say here, because I just

Belinda Haan:

love women's circles so much.

Belinda Haan:

And I think power of, like you said, Emily, being able to share what's present,

Belinda Haan:

you know, even if it feels socially unacceptable in a really sacred, safe,

Belinda Haan:

to be able to do that is in itself just an act of courage and transformation,

Belinda Haan:

and also to be held in unconditional love and compassion in that space.

Belinda Haan:

And then also hearing the stories of others, which are, are also your stories

Belinda Haan:

and your stories are their stories.

Belinda Haan:

And you realize that you're not alone, that we are all connected.

Belinda Haan:

we share.

Belinda Haan:

this wild ride together.

Belinda Haan:

And I think it's an to shame because without telling those sh those

Belinda Haan:

stories, we just kind of just get stuck in this place of feeling like

Belinda Haan:

there's something wrong with me.

Emily Soccorsy:

Mm-hmm

Sonya Stattmann:

And, you know, and I would say that, you know, for anybody

Sonya Stattmann:

listening to this, if you don't have that circle of friends, like, we are

Sonya Stattmann:

here holding space for you, right.

Sonya Stattmann:

And, hopefully our stories and our perspectives help you

Sonya Stattmann:

feel a little bit less alone.

Sonya Stattmann:

Cuz sometimes it can be hard to find those circles, but they're out there.

Sonya Stattmann:

There's lots of people who can safely hold space for you you're worthy of that.

Sonya Stattmann:

If, you know, there is something deep inside of you that is yearning to be

Sonya Stattmann:

seen, to be known and to have expression.

Sonya Stattmann:

If there's something you need to reclaim and remember maybe it's your

Sonya Stattmann:

power or your purpose, your gifts.

Sonya Stattmann:

This is the podcast for you.

Sonya Stattmann:

Welcome to reclaiming ourselves.

Sonya Stattmann:

I'm your host, Sonya Stattmann and I'm honored to have three amazing

Sonya Stattmann:

co-hosts Laura Shook-Guzman Belinda Haan And Emily Soccorsy here with me

Sonya Stattmann:

on this journey to self discovery every week, we're gonna help you unravel

Sonya Stattmann:

and remember what it means to reclaim yourself to own who you are to recognize

Sonya Stattmann:

your innate worth and greatness.

Sonya Stattmann:

Now, this podcast is a deep dive into self-development healing and empowerment.

Sonya Stattmann:

So hold on.

Sonya Stattmann:

Here we go.

Sonya Stattmann:

Hey, welcome back to ourselves.

Sonya Stattmann:

I'm so excited that you're here.

Sonya Stattmann:

And just as a reminder, you can find everything you need about the

Sonya Stattmann:

podcast and about the cohosts at reclaimingourselvespodcast.com.

Sonya Stattmann:

So today is our official first.

Sonya Stattmann:

Panel episode.

Sonya Stattmann:

And what that means is we have all the co-hosts together discussing and talking,

Sonya Stattmann:

and it's gonna be really fun and exciting.

Sonya Stattmann:

And so today we're gonna kind of unpack and discuss what does

Sonya Stattmann:

it mean to reclaim ourselves?

Sonya Stattmann:

Why is this an important topic from each of our viewpoints?

Sonya Stattmann:

Why does it matter right now in, in this world and where we are with things?

Sonya Stattmann:

and so that's what we're gonna, talk to so welcome everyone.

Sonya Stattmann:

Hey Emily.

Sonya Stattmann:

Hey Laura.

Sonya Stattmann:

Hey Belinda.

Emily Soccorsy:

Hi.

Belinda Haan:

Hi.

Belinda Haan:

Mm-hmm

Laura Shook-Guzman:

everybody.

Sonya Stattmann:

now the real test is being able to

Sonya Stattmann:

decipher who's talking, right?

Belinda Haan:

I think I'll be easier to, to work out.

Sonya Stattmann:

So I think you'll love Belinda, the Australian.

Sonya Stattmann:

We'll definitely hear you.

Sonya Stattmann:

I love that.

Sonya Stattmann:

All right.

Sonya Stattmann:

So, , maybe let's just dive in and talk a little bit about, what does

Sonya Stattmann:

it mean to you to reclaim ourselves?

Sonya Stattmann:

it's a concept, like sometimes we talk about it.

Sonya Stattmann:

Everybody might have a different viewpoint, but how does that feel to you?

Sonya Stattmann:

What does it mean to you?

Emily Soccorsy:

I'll jump in here.

Emily Soccorsy:

when the word reclaiming is just sort of put out there, I immediately go to.

Emily Soccorsy:

how did we get lost?

Emily Soccorsy:

in the first place, because it's not finding you're, it's like this reclaiming

Emily Soccorsy:

and the idea that we are born really whole, and we're born, I think before

Emily Soccorsy:

the age of four in so many fundamental ways, emotionally as, as whole people.

Emily Soccorsy:

So we get lost with everything that kind of comes after that.

Emily Soccorsy:

or.

Emily Soccorsy:

pushed further away.

Emily Soccorsy:

So I like to think about the process of, of getting lost too.

Emily Soccorsy:

What were the milestones?

Emily Soccorsy:

What were the junctions or what were the, things that covered over

Emily Soccorsy:

the true me that I was originally.

Sonya Stattmann:

I love that Emily.

Sonya Stattmann:

I love that.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

Yeah.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

Yeah.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

It really resonate with that kind of concept.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

When you start thinking about reclaim return, remember it's like, we're

Laura Shook-Guzman:

not talking about claiming for the first time or knowing, this is.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

Known to us, ourselves.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

We're known to ourselves yet.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

We've had these moments in our life that have, um, interrupted, distracted,

Laura Shook-Guzman:

split, like taken, um, us in different directions often to protect, you know,

Laura Shook-Guzman:

a wound or something overwhelming.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

So I really, um, also think of it as, you when we reclaim we're

Laura Shook-Guzman:

returning and we're remembering, and that's actually a beautiful

Laura Shook-Guzman:

thing that we have known ourselves.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

We are known unto ourselves already yet all of these things

Laura Shook-Guzman:

have happened and we've somewhat like Emily's words lost our way.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

And what is it like to return?

Sonya Stattmann:

Hmm.

Belinda Haan:

Yes.

Belinda Haan:

Yes.

Belinda Haan:

I, I agree wholeheartedly with both Emily and Laura in terms of my, the

Belinda Haan:

way I see it is that yeah, like Emily said, we're born whole complete.

Belinda Haan:

Perfect.

Belinda Haan:

And then, through life and people, and we have all these heartbreaks and

Belinda Haan:

defenses and everything that sort of cover up the truth of who we actually are.

Belinda Haan:

And unlike, you know, personal development talks about often is we need to add

Belinda Haan:

something more to ourselves, or we need to just learn this particular skill.

Belinda Haan:

It's really, um, like Laura said, remembering, coming back to that

Belinda Haan:

true nature, our essence, um, and that, that is really the journey.

Sonya Stattmann:

Yeah.

Sonya Stattmann:

I fully agree with all of you I love the way Emily brought up this

Sonya Stattmann:

sort of, perspective or focus on also, why did we lose ourselves?

Sonya Stattmann:

Like what, what kind of caused that loss?

Sonya Stattmann:

Because I think we have to talk about both pieces, right?

Sonya Stattmann:

What it means to reclaim ourselves what it feels like to reclaim ourselves,

Sonya Stattmann:

you know, what that journey is.

Sonya Stattmann:

And also what it feels like to be lost.

Sonya Stattmann:

Why we lose ourselves, what gets in the way.

Sonya Stattmann:

So I think these are really two sides of the coin that we're gonna talk a

Sonya Stattmann:

lot about over this podcast season.

Sonya Stattmann:

Because we are born whole, we, we do have that seed of our wholeness

Sonya Stattmann:

and our greatness and who we are inside of us from birth.

Sonya Stattmann:

And we're worthy from birth and, and then little by little, all these kind

Sonya Stattmann:

of chunks get taken away or lost.

Sonya Stattmann:

Are we suppress?

Sonya Stattmann:

Are we, we let go of, we abandon sometimes.

Sonya Stattmann:

Right?

Sonya Stattmann:

And then it's about, you know, how do we kind of pick those pieces up and when

Sonya Stattmann:

Laura said, you know, remembering, I think about like, yes, like member, right.

Sonya Stattmann:

It's like that reremembering reattaching, reclaiming, re owning, the pieces of

Sonya Stattmann:

ourselves that we've lost along the way.

Sonya Stattmann:

And yeah, I think that's a really interesting piece.

Sonya Stattmann:

And so I kind of love to hear from the co-host like, what do

Sonya Stattmann:

you think has caused the loss.

Sonya Stattmann:

Cause I think that was a really cool kind of perspective that

Sonya Stattmann:

Emily kind of took us down.

Sonya Stattmann:

what in your life has caused you to lose a piece of yourself or maybe in people

Sonya Stattmann:

you've worked with and seen as well?

Sonya Stattmann:

Cause I think that is a really great question so that people can

Sonya Stattmann:

start to reorientate themselves and say, oh yeah, I really resonate.

Sonya Stattmann:

That happened to me too.

Sonya Stattmann:

Um, what were maybe some of your experiences.

Emily Soccorsy:

Well, I think, I think the loss can come a lot of different forms.

Emily Soccorsy:

I think that sometimes the loss is a capitulation to the world or our context.

Emily Soccorsy:

Like we give up a little piece of ourselves in order to fit in.

Emily Soccorsy:

And so that can be a family system that can be, a school, a classroom,

Emily Soccorsy:

or to win the praise of, of another person that we want to admire us.

Emily Soccorsy:

So sometimes it's, it's not necessarily like the heart lies.

Emily Soccorsy:

Belinda said like a heartbreak that, that we feel how much that takes away from us.

Emily Soccorsy:

So viscerally, but I think some of these losses are so subtle and we're

Emily Soccorsy:

willingly giving them up because we think there's a, an exchange on the

Emily Soccorsy:

other side that will benefit from.

Emily Soccorsy:

And I also think that that just from a.

Emily Soccorsy:

evolution standpoint was true to be an outsider outside of the

Emily Soccorsy:

tribe, uh, meant danger and meant strange men and, and, and death.

Emily Soccorsy:

Um, so I think we're hard.

Emily Soccorsy:

We're kind of hardwired to make these accommodations.

Emily Soccorsy:

And so I think that those are also like little losses along the way and maybe

Emily Soccorsy:

losses, but also lost moments where you're like, oh, I'm wandering now.

Emily Soccorsy:

I'm wandering away from something else.

Emily Soccorsy:

those are not necessarily bad roads to take either because they

Emily Soccorsy:

teach you something about yourself.

Emily Soccorsy:

But yeah, sometimes we willingly, we willingly walk in and give those,

Emily Soccorsy:

give those pieces of ourselves away.

Sonya Stattmann:

Mm-hmm

Belinda Haan:

Yes.

Belinda Haan:

And I think, I think that.

Belinda Haan:

there's certain junctures where we realize we are lost as well.

Belinda Haan:

And, and I, I know, certainly sort of coming into the midlife, forties, just

Belinda Haan:

really sort of, I guess, having all the frustrations about the behaviors

Belinda Haan:

I'm engaging in and all of those, um, dissatisfaction and internal

Belinda Haan:

conflict and everything that can arise.

Belinda Haan:

It's sort of like a, an awakening moment to how lost.

Belinda Haan:

Or, or that the journey of remembering needs to happen that, that sort of

Belinda Haan:

different points of dissatisfaction.

Belinda Haan:

Cause I think that reclaiming ourselves the journey and it

Belinda Haan:

happens at different times.

Belinda Haan:

It really has to start with dissatisfaction and internal conflict

Belinda Haan:

and messiness and all of that.

Belinda Haan:

Otherwise we're not motivated to do, to do anything.

Sonya Stattmann:

Yeah, that's a really good point.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

Yeah.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

And I think that that collective, like you were saying, Emily, we have.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

Conditioning that occurs to learn what is acceptable.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

What's not acceptable.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

And there's moments I can think of in my life where I gave up something or

Laura Shook-Guzman:

modified myself, , became something that would be more acceptable.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

And it's interesting how those things can become so automatic.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

You don't even realize you're giving.

Emily Soccorsy:

Yeah.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

And in that moment though, you're getting something you're

Laura Shook-Guzman:

getting belonging in that moment.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

You think I belong here because now I can fit in or, you know, let me just

Laura Shook-Guzman:

speak a little quieter about this, or let me be a little louder about that.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

I just was a chameleon, you know, I was trying to make my

Laura Shook-Guzman:

way so that I would feel better.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

but as I have aged , and as I've stepped into more confidence as a woman in this

Laura Shook-Guzman:

society as well, I've been able to look at what I gave up, what I let go, because I

Laura Shook-Guzman:

thought that I was going to get something, to your point, Emily, in return, I was

Laura Shook-Guzman:

gonna gain a greater sense of belonging to the community, but the cost of that.

Sonya Stattmann:

Hmm.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

Became aware of it's like, okay.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

So there's a sense of belonging to my greater community, but a

Laura Shook-Guzman:

sense of disconnection from myself.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

Something that I gave up, right.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

That was innately me.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

that I wasn't letting myself fully inhabit.

Sonya Stattmann:

and I think we're not taught as children,

Sonya Stattmann:

at least not in my generation.

Sonya Stattmann:

We weren't taught to value our.

Sonya Stattmann:

Individual selves in the same way, right.

Sonya Stattmann:

Or, to even find a self to reclaim or to, appreciate what we brought to the table.

Sonya Stattmann:

Like from such an early age, we were taught to fit in, to belong,

Sonya Stattmann:

to carry our weight in the greater scheme of things or in the family.

Sonya Stattmann:

There wasn't the same attention on the value of you being a self.

Sonya Stattmann:

Right.

Sonya Stattmann:

And, I think it's changing.

Sonya Stattmann:

I mean, I don't know, but I would love to hear kind of from all of you,

Sonya Stattmann:

like what has been that result as you've started to reclaim yourself,

Sonya Stattmann:

what's the result with your children?

Sonya Stattmann:

Right?

Sonya Stattmann:

Because I know I've brought my children up to value themselves and they still

Sonya Stattmann:

have plenty of indoctrination, plenty of lost moments, for themselves as they grow.

Sonya Stattmann:

but I've tried to instill in them that they have a self that's valuable.

Emily Soccorsy:

That's a funny journey because as, as a parent myself, I think

Emily Soccorsy:

a lot of the reclaiming began when it became a parent, when it became a mother.

Emily Soccorsy:

I don't know about you.

Emily Soccorsy:

Maybe the emotional membrane between myself and my children is very porous,

Emily Soccorsy:

so they're going through something emotionally and there I am as well,

Emily Soccorsy:

remembering my own, my own experience, trying to support their moment in that

Emily Soccorsy:

and in, and then in be twitched and in between all of that, finding new

Emily Soccorsy:

meaning for myself as an individual and.

Emily Soccorsy:

As a parent learning lessons, there's a lot that's happening there.

Emily Soccorsy:

And you do.

Emily Soccorsy:

we try to give our daughters a real sense of their own

Emily Soccorsy:

strength and their own identity.

Emily Soccorsy:

But I, I think my parents did that well with me too.

Emily Soccorsy:

So maybe that was a gift I was carrying on.

Emily Soccorsy:

There's a lot to unwrap there.

Emily Soccorsy:

So , there's a lot.

Sonya Stattmann:

That's like a whole episode,

Emily Soccorsy:

Yes.

Emily Soccorsy:

Yes.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

Yeah, but I do think it's really fascinating when you

Laura Shook-Guzman:

think about, and here in the United States that we live in a culture that

Laura Shook-Guzman:

definitely supports the yearning towards you know, the individual success.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

It's like, there's so much focus on the individual and yet.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

There is very little support on like children learning, the self, learning,

Laura Shook-Guzman:

that emotional intelligence that somatic awareness of, of theirselves,

Laura Shook-Guzman:

of their body, of what they feel.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

And so there's this conformity that starts really early and then

Laura Shook-Guzman:

it's like be an individual and you can do anything you want.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

And then there's all this kind.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

Disconnecting in our ways of, of being in, you know, in the classroom, don't

Laura Shook-Guzman:

get me on education reform, but it's like constantly, you know, just like

Laura Shook-Guzman:

sitting and ignoring the needs of the Senti sentient body like that.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

I need to get up and I need to move and I need to, so I don't know.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

I'm just thinking a lot about that conflict between the culture's

Laura Shook-Guzman:

fascination with individual.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

Achievement.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

And then how very little people are given encouragement in our society to learn

Laura Shook-Guzman:

this self and, and to, you know, from the inside out, not accolades and, oh, I'm the

Laura Shook-Guzman:

best, I'm this identity or that identity, or the best athlete, you know, over

Laura Shook-Guzman:

the best at school, but really inside.

Belinda Haan:

Hmm.

Sonya Stattmann:

We're not even given this space, I think to learn the self, right?

Sonya Stattmann:

Like there's not even enough time and space to contemplate our look inwards.

Sonya Stattmann:

We're just kind of rushing, you know, from one thing to the next, you know, in

Sonya Stattmann:

terms of accolades and accomplishments.

Sonya Stattmann:

Right.

Sonya Stattmann:

So I think, yeah, that's really interesting too.

Belinda Haan:

Hmm.

Belinda Haan:

Yeah.

Belinda Haan:

So for me, I think like Emily said, I mean, reclaiming myself has really amped

Belinda Haan:

up since I've become a mother because I just have such, um, so much love driving.

Belinda Haan:

And also so many buttons pushed about, you know, all the shadowy material and

Belinda Haan:

all the, the ways that, um, all the defenses and all of that sort of thing.

Belinda Haan:

And yet such a strong determination, I guess, to be present and compassionate

Belinda Haan:

and loving, and, you know, my ability to hold the kids in whatever emotion.

Belinda Haan:

Their experiencing has only is only helped by how much I can do that for myself.

Belinda Haan:

So, you know, that was pretty much nonexistent when I first

Belinda Haan:

started this journey 12 years ago.

Belinda Haan:

And now, you know, as I've done the deep dive on ho you know, holding myself

Belinda Haan:

in hopelessness and despair and all of that, that I can hold them in that too.

Belinda Haan:

And I haven't really been able, like the first five years, you know, I did my best.

Belinda Haan:

You know, I wasn't able to sort of hold that because I had so much inner

Belinda Haan:

term on myself to be able to, it was hard to meet that moment with presence.

Emily Soccorsy:

Yeah.

Emily Soccorsy:

Even having that language to, to that you just used Linda, like to

Emily Soccorsy:

hold yourself with presence in the middle of turmoil or hopelessness.

Emily Soccorsy:

I mean, I think that's something that I, I, a new mother version of

Emily Soccorsy:

me and my late twenties, I became a mom and my, actually my mid twenties.

Emily Soccorsy:

I mean, I just had no concept and that's that's to what you're saying, Laura too.

Emily Soccorsy:

Like, we, Somebody says something earlier about reclaiming ourselves as oftentimes

Emily Soccorsy:

in, uh, Western culture and American culture, certainly about adding more.

Emily Soccorsy:

Right.

Emily Soccorsy:

Cuz I like to say the ego's favorite number is more and so we

Emily Soccorsy:

have this very egoic version of.

Emily Soccorsy:

Success or achievement, and our systems steer toward that.

Emily Soccorsy:

And the actual sense of fulfillment that can be generated from within is the

Emily Soccorsy:

result of learning that language, how to identify feelings, how to identify

Emily Soccorsy:

breath and like the somatics of feelings.

Emily Soccorsy:

And would you, we just do basically none of that in an

Emily Soccorsy:

organized way in our cultures.

Emily Soccorsy:

And so, you know, I think we're left to these big moments, these big shifts

Emily Soccorsy:

becoming apparent to, to kind of smack us around a little bit and teach us like,

Emily Soccorsy:

oh, I'm lost or, oh, I have none of what I need and then to have to go find it.

Emily Soccorsy:

That's why the self-help, you know, I mean, I think the category of

Emily Soccorsy:

self-help has just grown so much, cuz there's such a hunger in the world for.

Sonya Stattmann:

Yeah,

Laura Shook-Guzman:

And isn't it fascinating

Laura Shook-Guzman:

how all of us have shared that motherhood has, was such a, a moment because, you get

Laura Shook-Guzman:

to that point where you're just the single individual and if you haven't figured it

Laura Shook-Guzman:

out, then, you know, who's gonna hurt, but you kind of thing, , it's just like, you

Laura Shook-Guzman:

know, oh, well, and then you have a child.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

and then all of a sudden, all the things that you hadn't looked at is right

Laura Shook-Guzman:

there, mirrored back in this offspring.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

And it's just this interesting moment where you, for me personally,

Laura Shook-Guzman:

am more motivated to figure it out than ever before, because

Laura Shook-Guzman:

I needed to understand what.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

Was going to be like to nourish another human being.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

And I had to figure out how to be with in Belinda's language, like how

Laura Shook-Guzman:

to be with all of that, to be present in the midst of all the turmoil.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

So I, I almost felt like I had a free pass for a while of like a, I

Laura Shook-Guzman:

can just tuck it in the back luggage and not worry about it until later.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

And then my daughter came and it was like, okay, I guess I need to figure.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

Out.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

So there was a moment that was some reflection in reclaiming, probably

Laura Shook-Guzman:

the first at that level that I'd ever done also around like 26.

Emily Soccorsy:

Hmm.

Emily Soccorsy:

Mm-hmm

Sonya Stattmann:

Yeah, it's really interesting.

Sonya Stattmann:

Right.

Sonya Stattmann:

and and so, okay.

Sonya Stattmann:

So I love the way, the direction we've gone and kind of talking

Sonya Stattmann:

about, you know, some of that, the pivotal moments, and obviously

Sonya Stattmann:

motherhood is a big piece of that too.

Sonya Stattmann:

I, I wanna talk a little bit about what reclaiming ourselves feels like.

Sonya Stattmann:

Because I think a lot of people again, have a concept or an idea, but if

Sonya Stattmann:

they, they, they might not know what it feels like in their body, what

Sonya Stattmann:

it feels like in their emotions.

Sonya Stattmann:

And , one of the things I love talking about with this topic is that

Sonya Stattmann:

oftentimes before the bliss comes in, reclaiming ourselves, the really,

Sonya Stattmann:

really challenging feelings come first.

Sonya Stattmann:

And so, I don't know.

Sonya Stattmann:

What do you all think about that?

Belinda Haan:

Yes.

Belinda Haan:

Oh my goodness.

Belinda Haan:

after 35 years of completely repressing anything that wasn't pleasant and

Belinda Haan:

positive it was, it all sort of just started started bubbling up.

Belinda Haan:

And I think, um, I, there was just so much resistance to that and you

Belinda Haan:

know, really part of my journey of reclaiming myself is actually just

Belinda Haan:

really working on self-acceptance.

Belinda Haan:

And that's like self acceptance of my internal experience as well, and, and

Belinda Haan:

working somatically to create more capacity within me so that , when

Belinda Haan:

things are difficult, that I can, I just feel that I can handle it.

Belinda Haan:

. And so, you know, in terms of the difficulty that that embodied feeling

Belinda Haan:

of I've kind of got this, which sounds.

Belinda Haan:

Sounds funny to say, but just that, that sort of inner space

Belinda Haan:

that I can handle things.

Belinda Haan:

And I guess the embodied sense of okayness and wholeness that, that allows.

Belinda Haan:

Um, me to be able to show up for my life in a way that feels values aligned

Belinda Haan:

and yes, all, you know, sometimes there's, um, an anxious bunny, sometimes

Belinda Haan:

anxiety's there and all of the, all of the big emotions can be present.

Belinda Haan:

But I guess I feel like I've got more capacity and courage to be able to.

Belinda Haan:

Show up in the way that in the ways that I want and do the work

Belinda Haan:

that I want and sort of live a more true meaning and purpose life.

Belinda Haan:

That feels true to me.

Belinda Haan:

Not because I should have done something, I should be a good person or whatever.

Belinda Haan:

really sort of finding my way on what is true for me and being able

Belinda Haan:

to have the courage, I guess, to, to show up despite all of the anxiety

Belinda Haan:

and everything that can be present.

Sonya Stattmann:

Hmm.

Sonya Stattmann:

Yeah.

Sonya Stattmann:

So that's kind of what you feel like is the result, the feeling that you

Sonya Stattmann:

have from reclaiming parts of yourself?

Belinda Haan:

Yes.

Sonya Stattmann:

Yeah.

Sonya Stattmann:

How about

Sonya Stattmann:

everyone

Sonya Stattmann:

else?

Laura Shook-Guzman:

Yeah, it's such a big question that I have all these

Laura Shook-Guzman:

different thoughts going around and feelings in my body going around.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

But I think that I'd answer that by saying that.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

For me personally, it was going through the hard emotions and sensations

Laura Shook-Guzman:

going through something in which I realized that I needed more of

Laura Shook-Guzman:

myself in order to move through it.

Sonya Stattmann:

Mm-hmm

Laura Shook-Guzman:

hitting that wall and for me, it was a lot of grief.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

And loss that then brought up previous grief and loss.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

And I remember just walking the streets with one of my friends in

Laura Shook-Guzman:

Toronto, we would just be like walk and talk and go get a coffee and walk.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

And I was having all of these thoughts about like, how am

Laura Shook-Guzman:

I gonna get through this?

Laura Shook-Guzman:

There, it doesn't make sense.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

Right.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

When you're in something that's so overwhelming.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

You're just like, you're trying so hard to use.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

The cognitive mind to fix it.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

And my dear friend, who's an acupuncturist and very much aware

Laura Shook-Guzman:

of the, the power of the body.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

Just, you know, kind of looked at me and said, it's more about,

Laura Shook-Guzman:

yeah, how are you gonna move?

Laura Shook-Guzman:

Not through it, but in.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

in to yourself and in, through you, you know, we can't just like

Laura Shook-Guzman:

walk through it like a big cloud.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

And that really started my journey so much to understand what was happening

Laura Shook-Guzman:

inside with my feelings and my sensations.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

Where did I hold this grief in my body?

Laura Shook-Guzman:

Because I could talk about it and think it was gone.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

And then it would come back up in the middle of the night.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

In a knot somewhere and I couldn't breathe.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

And, you know, and it was like, where is that?

Laura Shook-Guzman:

And that's when I realized that there was something not missing, but something I

Laura Shook-Guzman:

wasn't remembering about my strength and what I'm capable of, what I can endure.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

And so reclaiming my inner.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

Strength and my grounding and my, um, ability to be in that, that

Laura Shook-Guzman:

felt really like coming home.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

I mean, it's gonna sound a little cliche, but it's like, it came, it

Laura Shook-Guzman:

was like that grounding and like that safety, like you come home to something

Laura Shook-Guzman:

and you know, it, it smells familiar.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

It tastes familiar, you know, it's like, Ugh, everything about this makes sense.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

And that was the only way that I.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

Could figure out a way forward was to come back to that feeling

Sonya Stattmann:

and.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

myself.

Sonya Stattmann:

And do you feel like, , these experiences that we have, like when

Sonya Stattmann:

we reclaim part of ourselves, it's kind of like an anchor or a reference point.

Sonya Stattmann:

It's like, even when we lose ourselves again, it's like, at least we have,

Sonya Stattmann:

like, we can kind of feel that feeling or remember that feeling

Sonya Stattmann:

or, , I kind of sometimes feel like I.

Sonya Stattmann:

I move away and then I, oh, oh, there it is.

Sonya Stattmann:

There it is.

Sonya Stattmann:

Oh yeah.

Sonya Stattmann:

Okay.

Sonya Stattmann:

I'm here again.

Sonya Stattmann:

And then I move away and then I'm like, oh wait, wait, I'm here again.

Sonya Stattmann:

it's just like that constant journey.

Sonya Stattmann:

But when having some of those really pivotal pieces has definitely helped

Sonya Stattmann:

me re anchor myself or reclaim more, you know, the next time around.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

Yeah, I wanna hear you Belinda and Emily, but I'll just

Laura Shook-Guzman:

add to that on my, why I said that about walking the streets in Toronto with

Laura Shook-Guzman:

my friend was that that is a somatic.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

Memory in that moment, it felt like lightning came down from

Laura Shook-Guzman:

this sky and into my body.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

And that became an anchor like that feeling.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

When I remembered myself that, that there was something more that I already had

Laura Shook-Guzman:

inside of me is something to this day.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

That is a memory that I'm sharing that is because I felt it as,

Laura Shook-Guzman:

and then it became an anchor.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

Anytime I'd get completely.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

Lost.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

I'd be like, remember that feeling when I had the moment

Laura Shook-Guzman:

of awareness and how that felt.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

And it does make it easier then when you're lost to come back to that anchor.

Emily Soccorsy:

Yeah, I think they become little touchstones.

Emily Soccorsy:

and I think so we talked about this a little bit I'll never forget the

Emily Soccorsy:

way I felt the day my mom died.

Emily Soccorsy:

Right.

Emily Soccorsy:

I just, and sometimes I touch that, that stone.

Emily Soccorsy:

Because you get real clear on what's important.

Emily Soccorsy:

I did in any way, even though everything was complete chaos and shattered,

Emily Soccorsy:

everything was in SHS around me.

Emily Soccorsy:

And yet there was this feeling of core truth that I had no idea

Emily Soccorsy:

how to make sense out of that, but I knew what the truth was.

Emily Soccorsy:

And I do reference that I do pick that up.

Emily Soccorsy:

And, and I'm an artist and I think visually, so I think of the journey

Emily Soccorsy:

of self discovery, not necessarily as a beautiful path of the mountain,

Emily Soccorsy:

but like, as these spirals as these spirals, that kind of undulate up

Emily Soccorsy:

and down the spiral, um, motion.

Emily Soccorsy:

And we kind of go away and come back around and figure something out.

Emily Soccorsy:

And so then the spiral's a little bit smoother.

Emily Soccorsy:

You might hit a rough shot.

Emily Soccorsy:

That's kind of how I think of the creative process as well.

Emily Soccorsy:

And I think those are all forms of creativity.

Emily Soccorsy:

Like.

Emily Soccorsy:

Taking out memories, looking at them again, understanding them

Emily Soccorsy:

from a different vantage point.

Emily Soccorsy:

Those are all creative processes because we know from science that memories are

Emily Soccorsy:

changed every time we, we take them out and we look at them, but there's something

Emily Soccorsy:

about the somatic thing, remembering your body, how your body felt, where

Emily Soccorsy:

you were on the streets in Toronto.

Emily Soccorsy:

It's so beautiful to say reclaiming ourselves that the reality of that begins.

Emily Soccorsy:

I.

Emily Soccorsy:

Belinda, you said resistance was the first word you used um, but he

Emily Soccorsy:

ended up at like courageous, right.

Emily Soccorsy:

But I think the majority of the time is spent in what I call like mess.

Emily Soccorsy:

And I think we've, we've all used that word mess with maybe

Emily Soccorsy:

that deeper understanding kind of everything shattered, but

Emily Soccorsy:

maybe there's one true thing.

Emily Soccorsy:

And maybe the one true thing is I'm gonna lay in bed all day but that's also a

Emily Soccorsy:

way of nurturing, you know, or resting.

Emily Soccorsy:

That's okay.

Emily Soccorsy:

In the mess.

Emily Soccorsy:

So, um, yeah, I just, I see, I think the connection between the strong visual

Emily Soccorsy:

memories of things, the body memories, and then the way we the way we experience

Emily Soccorsy:

ourselves in reaction to that, , and immediately describing, instead of,

Emily Soccorsy:

you know, Belinda, you talk about resistance and then self acceptance.

Emily Soccorsy:

It's like, oh, I'm a mess.

Emily Soccorsy:

And then the next step not being, I'm a piece of shed because I'm a mess.

Emily Soccorsy:

The next step being well, that's pretty normal.

Emily Soccorsy:

You'd be a mess at this moment.

Emily Soccorsy:

Or, oh, maybe today is not a good day, you know, and being able to ascribe

Emily Soccorsy:

that self-compassion and so I think that's a lot of the dance of reclaiming

Emily Soccorsy:

ourselves is between, between those real.

Sonya Stattmann:

Yeah.

Sonya Stattmann:

And, And, I think that's so important to mention too, because we're kind

Sonya Stattmann:

of focused on this in our society and the world, you know, it's always like

Sonya Stattmann:

these achievements as if we're gonna keep going up and up and up and up and

Sonya Stattmann:

just keep exponentially growing and.

Sonya Stattmann:

And that, you know, reclaiming ourselves is kind of like that.

Sonya Stattmann:

Like we reclaim a piece and it feels so good.

Sonya Stattmann:

And then we reclaim another piece and it's amazing.

Sonya Stattmann:

And, and, you know, it's all kind of this sometimes perception we have that

Sonya Stattmann:

reclaiming ourself is empowering and it is, but you know, there's also a

Sonya Stattmann:

lot of dark nights of the soul, right.

Sonya Stattmann:

It's in.

Sonya Stattmann:

Sometimes complete chaos, complete hardship, complete

Sonya Stattmann:

darkness, complete unknowns.

Sonya Stattmann:

It's like through a lot of that, what shines through is ourself.

Sonya Stattmann:

And then we're able to connect with that.

Sonya Stattmann:

Right.

Sonya Stattmann:

You know, I think some of the.

Sonya Stattmann:

Darkest times of my life.

Sonya Stattmann:

It was like, I had no hope.

Sonya Stattmann:

I, I had no idea what I was gonna do or go, but something within me shown

Sonya Stattmann:

through that allowed me to grab it right.

Sonya Stattmann:

To go to cut beyond the chaos and.

Sonya Stattmann:

all of the noise to find myself again.

Sonya Stattmann:

And so, a lot of people are probably listening and they're

Sonya Stattmann:

in a moment like that, right.

Sonya Stattmann:

They're in challenge or chaos or exhaustion or, and thinking, gosh, I

Sonya Stattmann:

can't even think about like reclaiming myself right now, but oftentimes it is

Sonya Stattmann:

within the midst of all of that, that we.

Sonya Stattmann:

Find it right.

Sonya Stattmann:

That it, it is an awakening.

Sonya Stattmann:

And I think that's the other piece.

Sonya Stattmann:

Like I love, the word reclaiming.

Sonya Stattmann:

It's a very action oriented word.

Sonya Stattmann:

Right.

Sonya Stattmann:

It makes us feel like we're in control and empowered.

Sonya Stattmann:

I'm reclaiming myself.

Sonya Stattmann:

But oftentimes when we reclaim ourselves, it's not even.

Sonya Stattmann:

That we had an action towards it.

Sonya Stattmann:

Right?

Sonya Stattmann:

It's like it happened, we became aware.

Sonya Stattmann:

We recognized it's like I think sometimes much more of a surrender

Sonya Stattmann:

process than it is an action process.

Sonya Stattmann:

What do you think.

Belinda Haan:

I wholeheartedly agree because when I was,

Belinda Haan:

um, starting the journey.

Belinda Haan:

Of reclaiming myself.

Belinda Haan:

I just took my type, a kind of behaviors and just read all the books.

Belinda Haan:

just like, I need to fix myself.

Belinda Haan:

fix the crazy mess that I felt.

Belinda Haan:

Um, and just, I spent so much time in the mess, really judging myself for

Belinda Haan:

just being here and resisting that I was there and, and really con sort

Belinda Haan:

of feeling quite alone often because it's not really something that.

Belinda Haan:

Talk about this kind of dark night of the soul.

Belinda Haan:

And so I kind of just had this view that I was depressed and,

Belinda Haan:

you know, was pathologizing myself that, something wrong with me.

Belinda Haan:

And when I was able to really sort of feel into the deep grief or

Belinda Haan:

hopelessness or despair that was there, that was what once I just gave up.

Belinda Haan:

Just like, okay, just follow me whole, whatever this

Belinda Haan:

emotion is, uh, just gave up.

Belinda Haan:

That's when really so much light could just come through.

Belinda Haan:

So it was in the surrender and the allowing and the compassion that

Belinda Haan:

that's when the mess was able to sort of transform into insight and, and

Belinda Haan:

sort of inner freedom in that moment.

Emily Soccorsy:

Mm-hmm.

Emily Soccorsy:

I love that surrender process, you know, I mean that, I think that's really what

Emily Soccorsy:

is, and I, I think too, it's not, again, adding more, it's taking away, right.

Emily Soccorsy:

It's going back to something essential.

Emily Soccorsy:

And I think that's, that's what we've all been saying.

Emily Soccorsy:

And we don't, I don't know about you.

Emily Soccorsy:

It sounds very similar, but my first reaction is not like I wanna fight it.

Emily Soccorsy:

I wanna figure out I wanna fix myself.

Emily Soccorsy:

Right.

Emily Soccorsy:

And I don't, that's not that helpful actually.

Emily Soccorsy:

You'd think that would be helpful, but it's not that

Emily Soccorsy:

helpful in the surrender process.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

mm-hmm exactly.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

Cause like, what I have found is that that is my, you know, Called my golden

Laura Shook-Guzman:

child, this driver self of, you know, this driver part of me is really good

Laura Shook-Guzman:

at continuing to try to, she would like what you just said, Sonya about like,

Laura Shook-Guzman:

okay, like let's reclaim and then move up the ladder and reclaim and move up

Laura Shook-Guzman:

the ladder, you know, just like this.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

Lovely ascent towards perfection.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

So I'm definitely, um, recovering perfectionist.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

And so that striver part is interesting because I can get confused and think that

Laura Shook-Guzman:

it's trying to get me to some sort of self that has reached the goal, but that

Laura Shook-Guzman:

strive he self is often keeping me away.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

From feeling what I really need to feel and stepping in to the surrender.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

because she doesn't like uncertainty, not the strive.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

She gets shit done.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

and she can do it well.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

So, so I like Belinda, you know, that reading all the books and like

Laura Shook-Guzman:

figuring it out, like I'm gonna do this.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

You know, I really resonate with that.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

And, and I think that it's been very helpful for me to understand how much

Laura Shook-Guzman:

of the healing comes through rest.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

And I love that there is a movement for, um, like rest being more

Laura Shook-Guzman:

of like it's the nap ministry.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

They have rest is a form of resistance, you know, rest, reclaiming,

Laura Shook-Guzman:

rest as a form of resistance.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

So I see rest in this culture too, as like social is part of my social

Laura Shook-Guzman:

justice activist part too, to be like, you know what I can rest.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

And actually that will benefit me and everybody around.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

When I can give myself that space.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

So that's an interesting place.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

I spend a lot of time with my clients and within myself is that little surrender

Laura Shook-Guzman:

versus the driver, the Energizer bunny.

Emily Soccorsy:

mm-hmm

Sonya Stattmann:

I can really resonate with that.

Sonya Stattmann:

I, I, I love when you, you know, Laura talk about kind of these

Sonya Stattmann:

different parts of ourselves, right.

Sonya Stattmann:

Because, you know, we do have kind of these different pieces.

Sonya Stattmann:

Right?

Sonya Stattmann:

I know that's part of like internal family systems and, , kind of this idea

Sonya Stattmann:

that we have these different parts that sometimes are working in opposition.

Sonya Stattmann:

And, you know, I, I can really relate to that striver part cuz I

Sonya Stattmann:

love finding out more about myself.

Sonya Stattmann:

I love reclaiming myself.

Sonya Stattmann:

I love, but sometimes putting that to do kind of striving mentality

Sonya Stattmann:

on it, it does actually interfere.

Sonya Stattmann:

And it is been for me so much, reclaiming myself has actually been when I

Sonya Stattmann:

feel like I have no choice, it's not been like a deliberate act of like.

Sonya Stattmann:

Ooh, I'm gonna choose to reclaim myself.

Sonya Stattmann:

It's actually, when I'm like, I have no choices, there's nothing I can do.

Sonya Stattmann:

It's all completely hopeless.

Sonya Stattmann:

I'm like stuck in whatever thing I'm in and then, then it appears right.

Sonya Stattmann:

Or then it it's awakened or then it comes back in and I think.

Sonya Stattmann:

You know, that's a really important piece to understand, because when we

Sonya Stattmann:

talk about this, you know, we're here, we are talking about reclaiming ourselves.

Sonya Stattmann:

You know, it's not just that we're saying, Hey, go out and

Sonya Stattmann:

consciously reclaim yourself.

Sonya Stattmann:

Right.

Sonya Stattmann:

Get in action mode and, and put it all together because that's gonna work right.

Sonya Stattmann:

It's, you know, sometimes about just hearing the stories or resonating

Sonya Stattmann:

with, with the experiences of other people or ourselves, right.

Sonya Stattmann:

Remembering that it's a surrender process, you know, or that we have to

Sonya Stattmann:

often let go in order to find ourselves, you know, I think that's a really point.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

Yeah, absolutely.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

And I think that sometimes, you know, it's like I was talking about

Laura Shook-Guzman:

like how the culture can create.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

Tendencies for us to conform.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

But then the other side, of course, is that when community creates the

Laura Shook-Guzman:

space for you to surrender, I was thinking about that about like my

Laura Shook-Guzman:

friendships and especially circles of women that have held space for

Laura Shook-Guzman:

me to be able to do this like that.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

It, it, I wanna name that it's a individual night of the soul,

Laura Shook-Guzman:

but if you're able to find.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

Others that are going through similar things and hold space for each other.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

It's a game changer.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

And that's what I was so fortunate to find as a single mom when I met youth Ona.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

And so it's just been more and more experiences where I've been able to S

Laura Shook-Guzman:

render because I did have a community to like, circle up around me so that I

Laura Shook-Guzman:

can be that vulnerable in the middle.

Emily Soccorsy:

I think that's an excellent, excellent point, Laura.

Emily Soccorsy:

At some point, to share your story, I mean, there's so much power.

Emily Soccorsy:

What we're talking about is really being able to share a story.

Emily Soccorsy:

Both to ourselves in a real way, but then you can have people around

Emily Soccorsy:

you that can hold your story and then share their stories too.

Emily Soccorsy:

The power of that community in the process of healing, which is also

Emily Soccorsy:

reclaiming is just exponential.

Emily Soccorsy:

Like you can process so much more.

Emily Soccorsy:

in that sort of venue and it's a place.

Emily Soccorsy:

Yeah.

Emily Soccorsy:

I think we've talked about a, wanting to have that nice little neat ladder up.

Emily Soccorsy:

But really it's like that.

Emily Soccorsy:

One of the things I know I avoid is that sense of vulnerability

Emily Soccorsy:

that comes along with storytelling.

Emily Soccorsy:

That's required to get to that next loop around the, the spiral.

Emily Soccorsy:

I think the power of the community makes that I don't wanna use the word easier

Emily Soccorsy:

because it's never easy to be vulnerable.

Emily Soccorsy:

but it eases it a little, makes it a bit, a bit more comfortable.

Belinda Haan:

Oh, gosh.

Belinda Haan:

Yes.

Belinda Haan:

I there's so many things I wanna say here, because I just

Belinda Haan:

love women's circles so much.

Belinda Haan:

And I think power of, like you said, Emily, being able to share what's present,

Belinda Haan:

you know, even if it feels socially unacceptable in a really sacred, safe,

Belinda Haan:

to be able to do that is in itself just an act of courage and transformation,

Belinda Haan:

and also to be held in unconditional love and compassion in that space.

Belinda Haan:

And then also hearing the stories of others, which are, are also your stories

Belinda Haan:

and your stories are their stories.

Belinda Haan:

And you realize that you're not alone, that we are all connected.

Belinda Haan:

we share.

Belinda Haan:

this wild ride together.

Belinda Haan:

And I think it's an to shame because without telling those sh those

Belinda Haan:

stories, we just kind of just get stuck in this place of feeling like

Belinda Haan:

there's something wrong with me.

Emily Soccorsy:

Mm-hmm

Sonya Stattmann:

And, you know, and I would say that, you know, for anybody

Sonya Stattmann:

listening to this, if you don't have that circle of friends, like, we are

Sonya Stattmann:

here holding space for you, right.

Sonya Stattmann:

And, hopefully our stories and our perspectives help you

Sonya Stattmann:

feel a little bit less alone.

Sonya Stattmann:

Cuz sometimes it can be hard to find those circles, but they're out there.

Sonya Stattmann:

There's lots of people who can safely hold space for you you're worthy of that.

Sonya Stattmann:

okay.

Sonya Stattmann:

So want to ask a little bit about.

Sonya Stattmann:

You know, we're talking about reclaiming ourselves and obviously this process,

Sonya Stattmann:

like sometimes it's not something we feel like we have control over, or, it kind

Sonya Stattmann:

of happens at these moments that we don't expect it, but I, I wanna talk about,

Sonya Stattmann:

I recently I was reading Brene brown.

Sonya Stattmann:

And I, you know, I love her books and she talks about authenticity

Sonya Stattmann:

and authenticity to me is very related to reclaiming ourselves.

Sonya Stattmann:

Right?

Sonya Stattmann:

It's about, being more of who we are reclaiming, those parts that we've

Sonya Stattmann:

lost and she kind of defines it.

Sonya Stattmann:

It authenticity as like this daily practice.

Sonya Stattmann:

Of letting go of who we think we're supposed to be and embracing who we are.

Sonya Stattmann:

And I really resonated with that.

Sonya Stattmann:

And I really love this idea of like, , it's a choice, right?

Sonya Stattmann:

It's a daily practice.

Sonya Stattmann:

So even though we may not be able to control the situation and

Sonya Stattmann:

sometimes it's surrendering and it's not always this active process.

Sonya Stattmann:

What do you all think about the idea that reclaiming ourselves

Sonya Stattmann:

is a daily practice, right?

Sonya Stattmann:

It.

Sonya Stattmann:

It is something we can put attention towards and on, and, I don't know.

Sonya Stattmann:

What is your experience with that?

Sonya Stattmann:

What are your thoughts about that?

Emily Soccorsy:

Yes, darn it.

Emily Soccorsy:

Dad, Don, I don't wanna say yes.

Emily Soccorsy:

I, you know, he is still attached to the idea.

Emily Soccorsy:

It'll be some Mo peeking of light and then it's.

Emily Soccorsy:

but yes, as you were talking about that, I'm like, oh, that

Emily Soccorsy:

was my problem this morning.

Emily Soccorsy:

I didn't, I was still attached to who I wanted to be perceived as, and, you

Emily Soccorsy:

know, uh, that's what I should have done.

Emily Soccorsy:

It might have made my day a little bit easier.

Emily Soccorsy:

so that's what I say yes to that.

Sonya Stattmann:

Well, and, and that's the thing, it's a practice, right?

Sonya Stattmann:

So like with any practice we forget, we lose it.

Sonya Stattmann:

We, we don't practice it for a period of time, but we can always practice it again.

Belinda Haan:

Mm.

Belinda Haan:

Yeah.

Belinda Haan:

So I think that for me, you know, as, as I've grown in awareness in a way.

Belinda Haan:

That has been more fuel for the inner critic, you know, oh, why

Belinda Haan:

am I not doing these things that I know are part of my, you know,

Belinda Haan:

aspirational, self or, or whatever.

Belinda Haan:

so I, for me, it's every day, being able to grow in compassion for how I'm showing.

Belinda Haan:

If that's aligned or not . And, and that, that has been because, you know, it's just

Belinda Haan:

a process of forgetting and remembering we get triggered and, you know, we

Belinda Haan:

are, we are unlike the person that we really want to be it's in that moment.

Belinda Haan:

That is the everyday practice for me,

Belinda Haan:

because I've got, I've got a lot of clarity and sort of embodied

Belinda Haan:

values about how I wanna show up.

Belinda Haan:

And my journey for reclaiming myself has really.

Belinda Haan:

Ultimately been about how I'm treating myself as I'm showing up.

Sonya Stattmann:

Mm, I love that.

Sonya Stattmann:

That that's a piece of reclaiming ourselves, right?

Sonya Stattmann:

It's not just the, the, the, oh, here I am.

Sonya Stattmann:

I'm whole or here.

Sonya Stattmann:

I'm awesome.

Sonya Stattmann:

But it's just having self-compassion wherever we're at in the process.

Belinda Haan:

Yes.

Belinda Haan:

And just being able to meet our humanness because there is no

Belinda Haan:

end goal where, oh, trust me.

Belinda Haan:

I've been looking where I'm just like this Zen

Sonya Stattmann:

reclaim self.

Sonya Stattmann:

Like

Belinda Haan:

I have looked I've searched the world.

Belinda Haan:

Trust me.

Belinda Haan:

And, and really it's.

Belinda Haan:

So that's been all sort of fuel for the aspirational self, but really

Belinda Haan:

for me, it is about how I'm treating myself as I'm navigating life.

Sonya Stattmann:

Mm, I love that.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

Yeah, I love this through line of self-compassion,

Laura Shook-Guzman:

you know, just, and how.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

Thing.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

When I think of it as a practice, to your point, Sonya is like, it's

Laura Shook-Guzman:

not this perfect static it place.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

It's this every day.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

And then it's something very nice about, oh, I could start over today.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

Like I wasn't, as I wasn't very authentic yesterday, I was like in betrayal

Laura Shook-Guzman:

of those aspects of myself or afraid to be vulnerable or and every day is

Laura Shook-Guzman:

a new invitation, a new opportunity to be like, What is it like today to

Laura Shook-Guzman:

reclaim, you know, or to return I'm.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

So I'm in this moment too, feeling so grateful.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

I've told my clients, this is that, one of the things about being a therapist,

Laura Shook-Guzman:

it's such a beautiful practice in grounding myself in preparation

Laura Shook-Guzman:

for the work I do with my clients.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

And so it's been a lifelong.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

20 plus years of learning how to do that.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

And I can really feel the difference in this part of my life, like versus when

Laura Shook-Guzman:

I was first learning to be able to sit inside of myself and be with self in

Laura Shook-Guzman:

order to tune and attune to someone else.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

And now I realize, oh, what a gift?

Laura Shook-Guzman:

That every day I get this invitation again, to.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

With others, because then that reminds me like, oh, okay.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

Yeah.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

Where am I?

Laura Shook-Guzman:

Cuz I'm doing the checking in, you know?

Laura Shook-Guzman:

And then it's like, oh yep.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

I need more rest.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

Or I need more food or I just, or I need a break soon.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

And so I'm feeling grateful for that.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

And they say, you teach what you're here to learn.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

So I'm definitely teaching presence.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

and being compassionate every day so that I can learn that for.

Belinda Haan:

Yes.

Belinda Haan:

I love that Laura and that sort of reminds me that, , part of the point of

Belinda Haan:

this journey is, you know, authentic, beautiful connections with people.

Belinda Haan:

so it's an individual and personal journey, but ultimately it has

Belinda Haan:

an external impact positively.

Sonya Stattmann:

it does.

Sonya Stattmann:

Yeah.

Sonya Stattmann:

And so maybe to wrap up, you know, cuz we could talk all day, but maybe

Sonya Stattmann:

to wrap up for this episode, what is.

Sonya Stattmann:

For you kind of the personal reason or the benefit or what you've seen is

Sonya Stattmann:

the experience of reclaiming yourself.

Sonya Stattmann:

Like what has that created in your life or your work or in your

Sonya Stattmann:

connections or in your family?

Sonya Stattmann:

You know, because sometimes we can shy away from this process.

Sonya Stattmann:

And, Why is it worth going through it?

Sonya Stattmann:

what are kind of the, the benefits?

Sonya Stattmann:

I think that's a great kind of last wrap up question.

Sonya Stattmann:

What, what is your experience, everyone?

Emily Soccorsy:

I think the, the benefit of it is less division within myself.

Emily Soccorsy:

we talked in the very beginning about like, what, why do we

Emily Soccorsy:

need to reclaim ourselves?

Emily Soccorsy:

And we talked about being lost and time we, we thread something together

Emily Soccorsy:

there's like a, a coming together.

Emily Soccorsy:

And that means that I don't, you know, it's like that WBI Sabi,

Emily Soccorsy:

it's the gold in the, fracture.

Emily Soccorsy:

And now there's not just healing, but like a bridge between

Emily Soccorsy:

the different parts of self.

Emily Soccorsy:

And that, that sounds very esoteric and poetic.

Emily Soccorsy:

Maybe a little But the actual tangible benefit of that is that I do work.

Emily Soccorsy:

I love,

Sonya Stattmann:

Mm-hmm.

Emily Soccorsy:

I don't have people in my life.

Emily Soccorsy:

that I don't resonate with because I've learned that lesson of like,

Emily Soccorsy:

I'm not for everyone and that's okay.

Emily Soccorsy:

So it sort of healed.

Emily Soccorsy:

So it, it comes, it is sort of esoteric, but it comes out.

Emily Soccorsy:

The end result is just a little bit more harmony at the places where

Emily Soccorsy:

there was, was a lot of brokenness.

Sonya Stattmann:

Hmm.

Sonya Stattmann:

I love that.

Sonya Stattmann:

That's really good, Emily.

Belinda Haan:

that really resonates with me as well, because I felt just

Belinda Haan:

so internally broken and now I don't . And so when you're feeling that way,

Belinda Haan:

obviously there's just so many flow and effects to your behaviors, your,

Belinda Haan:

you know, actions, your ability to live your own life versus people pleasing.

Belinda Haan:

And all of that is just so many levels that, that Sort of works works

Belinda Haan:

towards, but really, you know, I remember just this inner voice just

Belinda Haan:

saying I wanna be free to be me.

Belinda Haan:

And that, that is what I feel like, you know, I'm not fully free.

Belinda Haan:

Of course it's a journey of a lifetime, but I'm feeling much more inner freedom

Belinda Haan:

to be able to sort of show up as I, as I wanna do, instead of constantly thinking

Belinda Haan:

about whether other people are gonna like me and all of those kind of things that

Belinda Haan:

were really driving, driving my behavior.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

Yes.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

Yes.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

I can definitely resonate with that.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

Like the, The connection that you're saying Emily to

Laura Shook-Guzman:

coming back into connection.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

I think for me, there's this deepening of trust.

Emily Soccorsy:

Hmm.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

I

Sonya Stattmann:

Mmm.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

to trusting myself

Sonya Stattmann:

Mm-hmm

Laura Shook-Guzman:

and the more that I reclaim the deeper, the

Laura Shook-Guzman:

trust and what that means is less.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

Holding back, less fear, less trepidation, uh, less focus on like, oh, the things

Laura Shook-Guzman:

that are happening out here and just being like, okay, I can trust myself

Laura Shook-Guzman:

to be with whatever is happening.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

And then that has a beautiful impact on trusting others and trusting the world.

Belinda Haan:

Hmm, beautiful

Sonya Stattmann:

Yeah, I could feel that.

Sonya Stattmann:

It is.

Sonya Stattmann:

I love it.

Sonya Stattmann:

I love everything you all said.

Sonya Stattmann:

And you know, I would probably just add that the more I've reclaimed

Sonya Stattmann:

myself, the more at peace I am, right.

Sonya Stattmann:

Like in myself and in the world.

Sonya Stattmann:

And it's such a relief,

Belinda Haan:

Yes.

Sonya Stattmann:

piece is such a relief.

Belinda Haan:

I think relief is a really wonderful word and

Belinda Haan:

that is definitely, yeah, just resonates deeply with me as well.

Emily Soccorsy:

Yeah.

Sonya Stattmann:

All right.

Sonya Stattmann:

Well, I have truly, it is just such an honor to be here with all of

Sonya Stattmann:

you, both co-hosts and listeners.

Sonya Stattmann:

And so thank you all for being here.

Sonya Stattmann:

Any last words you wanna say before we wrap up,

Emily Soccorsy:

I love the Belinda used the term and I saw in my

Emily Soccorsy:

mind's eye anxious bunny link.

Emily Soccorsy:

I think it's so cute.

Emily Soccorsy:

And I'm gonna draw a picture of that.

Emily Soccorsy:

send it.

Sonya Stattmann:

I love that

Emily Soccorsy:

It's

Laura Shook-Guzman:

We may have a bunny.

Emily Soccorsy:

loving the parts of ourselves that

Emily Soccorsy:

we might be mean about, you know?

Emily Soccorsy:

So just, Yeah.

Emily Soccorsy:

that really stuck with me.

Emily Soccorsy:

So just wanna say that to our listeners, like, if there's a part of you,

Emily Soccorsy:

they're struggling with just turn.

Sonya Stattmann:

Make it a bunny.

Belinda Haan:

Yes.

Belinda Haan:

I love that.

Sonya Stattmann:

I love that too.

Laura Shook-Guzman:

That.

Belinda Haan:

Yes.

Belinda Haan:

Oh, beautiful.

Belinda Haan:

And I think trust yeah.

Belinda Haan:

What you were saying, Laura, that just, yeah, absolutely sums it.

Sonya Stattmann:

All right.

Sonya Stattmann:

Well, thank you all for listening and we will see you next week.

Sonya Stattmann:

I hope you enjoyed this week's episode of reclaiming ourselves, looking

Sonya Stattmann:

for a speaker for your organization, or wanna dive deeper into the

Sonya Stattmann:

process of reclaiming yourself.

Sonya Stattmann:

I would love an opportunity to work with you.

Sonya Stattmann:

You can find more about my services, read articles and listen to all of my

Sonya Stattmann:

podcast episodes@sonyastattmann.com.

Sonya Stattmann:

Have an amazing day.

Sonya Stattmann:

And thanks for listening.

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