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How to Stop Worrying About What These People Think
Episode 39625th July 2022 • Everyday Disciple Podcast • Caesar Kalinowski
00:00:00 00:29:43

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People love to give their opinions about how you’re doing things… but sometimes the best way to care for others and yourself is to stop caring about what certain people think. This week on the Everyday Disciple Podcast, we look at the types of people you’ll need to stop listening to in order to truly make disciples and live on mission. This will be refreshing! In This Episode You’ll Learn:
  • How our desire for acceptance is hard-wired into us from birth.
  • Why what others say or think can often stop us from moving forward.
  • The 3 types of people you may be listening to.
  • Who specifically you need to STOP listening to!
Get started here... From this episode: “It’s been said that people would care a lot less about what others think about them if they knew how little others think about them. And it’s true: if you're worried about how you come across to someone you’ve just met or had a conversation with, keep in mind that they’re probably doing the same thing.”  
Each week the Big 3 will give you immediate action steps to get you started. Start a Missional Community from Scratch
Download today’s BIG 3 right now. Read and think over them again later. You might even want to share them with others…

Thanks for Listening!

Thanks so much for joining us again this week. Have some feedback you’d like to share? Join us on Facebook and take part in the discussion! If you enjoyed this episode, please share it using the social media buttons you see at the top of this page or right below. Also, please subscribe and leave an honest review for The Everyday Disciple Podcast on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen. Ratings and reviews are extremely helpful and greatly appreciated! They do matter in the rankings of the show, and we read each and every one of them. Links and Resources Mentioned in This Episode: Free Download of the Big 3 For Episode #396 Coaching with Caesar and Tina in discipleship and missional living. Missio Publishing Get Caesar’s latest book: Bigger Gospel for FREE… Click Here Join us on Facebook

Transcripts

Caesar:

True salvation though.

Caesar:

It includes heaven and avoidance of hell and all that is being set free from the tyranny of worrying about what others think of you.

Caesar:

Now here don't miss that.

Caesar:

God showed us his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.

Caesar:

While we were still sinners, he deeply knows you and he still loved you enough to exchange his perfect life for your less than perfect life.

Caesar:

Jesus died that we'd be set free from self love.

Caesar:

And fear of man.

Caesar:

And once again, put God in his glory, what he's really liked before and above all others and their opinions of us.

Caesar:

That's true.

Caesar:

Salvation.

Caesar:

It really is being set free now.

Heath:

Welcome to the Everyday Disciple Podcast where you'll learn how to.

Heath:

Greater intentionality and an integrated faith that naturally fits into every area of life.

Heath:

In other words, discipleship as a lifestyle, this is the stuff your parents, pastors, and seminary professors probably forgot to tell you.

Heath:

And now here's your host Caesar.

Heath:

Kalinowski

Caesar:

Hey Heath, how's the summer.

Caesar:

Uh, how's mission summer

Heath:

on mission.

Heath:

It's great neighborhoods gathering quite a bit.

Heath:

We're having meals together.

Heath:

We're seeing the neighbors a lot.

Heath:

We're doing vacation.

Heath:

We did camping with.

Heath:

One of the local neighbors.

Heath:

I noticed that you, when I came over today, you have a happy hour sign and you're just kind of right behind the front door.

Heath:

Like, like I just missed

Caesar:

something.

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

We had a little happy hour last night neighborhood.

Caesar:

Happy hour.

Caesar:

How was it?

Caesar:

As my wife likes to call it the hump day.

Caesar:

Happy hour love.

Caesar:

Cause it was Wednesday, you know?

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

We're recording this on a Thursday.

Caesar:

It was great.

Caesar:

Our, our neighborhood is the most partying neighborhood I've ever moved into, been a part of, and they have a very active Facebook page that takes care of everything.

Caesar:

And all you have to do is post it.

Caesar:

And literally we kinda like spaced posting when you know, yesterday's, what is this thing till Monday?

Caesar:

Boom, tons of people and there's supposed to be five to seven and it was till, I don't know, nine and then a whole half, the people went to another house that I found out this morning when I was on my walk, running into all same neighbors.

Caesar:

Sure.

Caesar:

That they were there till like two.

Caesar:

Oh, so it's clearly it's happening.

Caesar:

So we got another one planned in three weeks.

Caesar:

Oh fine.

Caesar:

People were like, ah, done.

Caesar:

So it's becoming a predictable pattern and that's a cool thing.

Caesar:

That's yeah.

Caesar:

So I love it, man.

Caesar:

Lot of fun, lot of stuff, and always surprising where the conversation goes.

Caesar:

You're talking about nothing and all of a sudden you're talking about something.

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

It's just not that

Heath:

hard.

Heath:

And I haven't met all your, I mean, I've met a few of them.

Heath:

You've got some cool people in this neighborhood.

Caesar:

There's some great people in this neighborhood.

Caesar:

There really are.

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

It's pretty diverse.

Caesar:

And in some ways, Well, last night, we were definitely the oldest people.

Caesar:

, you know, we're not that old, but we're, we were there and a ton of kids.

Caesar:

Maybe I'll post some pictures from it last night.

Caesar:

That's fine.

Caesar:

Yeah.

Heath:

Okay.

Heath:

Hey, let's get into a review from user SJ, N eight, who says this is a podcast.

Heath:

I don't miss the insights and encouragements each week are great.

Heath:

I've learned a lot and have begun to implement some of these ideas.

Heath:

In my context, I'm grateful that I stumbled upon this gem.

Heath:

We're grateful that you stumbled too.

Heath:

Yeah,

Caesar:

we really are stumbling.

Caesar:

It's working well in your context, the water's fine.

Caesar:

Come on in.

Caesar:

So in

Heath:

all right, man, let's get into this cuz I'm super excited about the topic we wanna explore today.

Heath:

Why we're so caught up with what others might think of us and possibly why we need to stop worrying about it so much.

Heath:

Why do you think it is that we worry so much about what other people think

Caesar:

yeah.

Caesar:

Well, I, the way you said that though seemed loaded Heath, so I'm a little off, you got me back on my heels.

Caesar:

it's gone.

Caesar:

Um, well I think to feel accepted is a universal human desire.

Caesar:

Okay.

Caesar:

We were, I think we were born, created back all the way back, but all of us were born and created to live in these grace based environments with God.

Caesar:

And so we have this universal human desire to be accepted, cuz that's how it's supposed to be.

Caesar:

Sure God looks at us and accepts us.

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

Muck and all right.

Caesar:

Yep.

Caesar:

But sometimes that need to be accepted takes center stage.

Caesar:

And what others think about us takes on way more importance.

Caesar:

Then maybe what we think about ourselves or more, even more importantly what God thinks of us.

Caesar:

Sure.

Caesar:

Okay.

Caesar:

Now some of you know, this author, Brene brown, you were, yeah.

Caesar:

I love her.

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

I mean, just go Google her or look on YouTube.

Caesar:

Oh my gosh.

Caesar:

She says this in the book.

Caesar:

She says healthy striving.

Caesar:

Is self focused.

Caesar:

It's you're asking yourself, how can I improve here?

Caesar:

Okay.

Caesar:

I know as Christians, we're not supposed to strive, but take it in context.

Caesar:

So like how can I improve?

Caesar:

Okay.

Caesar:

That's okay.

Caesar:

Healthy.

Caesar:

How can I do better?

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

How can I serve this person?

Caesar:

Better?

Caesar:

Perfectionism is other focused.

Caesar:

What will they think?

Caesar:

So now anything you're doing in life or trying to do a better job or be more generous, whatever, it's all got like a hinged connected to it.

Caesar:

That's swinging that says, well, what will others think of me?

Caesar:

Sure.

Caesar:

So perhaps your childhood caregivers were emotionally distant.

Caesar:

However, you were raised, maybe they were physically or verbally abusive or they set impossible standards that can lead to us being so worried about it.

Caesar:

Maybe you were bullied at school, like really brutally and that, that made you like, always on edge about what people are thinking or what's going down order, or maybe you felt as though you never measured up in a competitive sort of comparison culture that we live, or maybe you don't even know the reasons.

Caesar:

Okay.

Caesar:

But we've got this sense of self.

Caesar:

We all do we're image bears, but we don't always know that or think about it.

Caesar:

And we've got broken identities.

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

We've our whole lives for whatever.

Caesar:

The reason we've been trying to measure up, trying to prove ourselves.

Caesar:

Uh, we have fear of Man issues.

Caesar:

There's this, we talk about it all the time in the show do to be like, am I doing enough to equal this, to be this in your eyes?

Caesar:

All that it's backwards.

Caesar:

And I think part of what's going on, why?

Caesar:

I mean, if I, if I get right to the nub brother, why we're so worried about what others think is the ultimate idol of self is at work?

Caesar:

Hmm.

Caesar:

I really love me.

Caesar:

I love myself.

Caesar:

Sure.

Caesar:

I want to protect myself.

Caesar:

I want me to look.

Caesar:

Good.

Caesar:

I want me on the throne, if I'm just gonna be honest with you.

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

And so I'm, I'm really caught up with what others think, and that's not just in like, Hey, how does my hair look today?

Caesar:

Or like, these pants don't fit any, like they used to, you know, whatever.

Caesar:

Sure.

Caesar:

There's that, there's all that, but there's also, am I being perceived as right.

Caesar:

And the smartest and valuable and desirable and people want me around and all.

Caesar:

And so much that's caught up in the idol of self.

Heath:

Yeah.

Heath:

You know, it reminds me not to be too insensitive jumping back right now, but just a couple episodes back episode 1 73, we did talk about how to crush, idols and counterfeit gods in your life.

Heath:

And occasionally we don't even look at ourselves as an idol, but it's there like,

Caesar:

and like I said, there's stuff that happens in our past and bullying and abuse and all that also feeds it.

Caesar:

But the thing behind the thing behind the thing, it's this idol of self and we're trying.

Caesar:

Man we're, we're trying to manage everything and we have to like back off on that.

Caesar:

We need to relax

Heath:

little bit, you know, it's, it reminds me of a Keith Green song, uh, called make my life a prayer to you.

Heath:

And he has a line in there that says.

Heath:

uh, I want to thank you now for being patient with me because it's so hard to see when my eyes are on me.

Heath:

Right.

Heath:

Hmm.

Heath:

Uh, which is just a great line.

Heath:

And it makes me think about how much more freedom we'd have if we could actually get our eyes off of ourself for a few minutes.

Heath:

So what is it that you think, like, how can we relax a little bit?

Heath:

How can we stop worrying about what others think?

Heath:

And then I wanna follow that up with a question, cause I'd be curious to talk about how we really need to stop worrying about what's certain.

Heath:

Specific people think if we're really gonna care for others and live on mission properly.

Caesar:

Okay, great.

Caesar:

And that's an important distinction.

Caesar:

We're I gonna get into that?

Caesar:

So here's some, here's just some tips.

Caesar:

Okay.

Caesar:

And pointers, I think on how we can begin to relax a little bit.

Caesar:

Okay.

Caesar:

And stop, worry about it.

Caesar:

Okay.

Caesar:

First is keep everything in perspective.

Caesar:

All right.

Caesar:

It's been said that people would care a lot less about others.

Caesar:

Think about them.

Caesar:

If they knew how little others think about them.

Caesar:

And it's true.

Caesar:

If you're worried about how you come across to someone you've just met or had a conversation with him, keep in mind, they're probably doing the same thing they're focused on.

Caesar:

How did I do, what did he think?

Caesar:

I mean, well, you know, you know yeah.

Caesar:

And that's the world overthinking it.

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

I think a big part of salvation is that's gone.

Caesar:

Hmm.

Caesar:

That's that's been removed.

Caesar:

We're not worried about it because we're secure in who we are in Christ.

Caesar:

Sure.

Caesar:

Our identity and authority and privilege.

Caesar:

Second, lose the crystal ball.

Caesar:

that you don't have . And what I mean by that is we so often immediately create a list of a bunch of ways.

Caesar:

The other person is thinking mm-hmm , you know, like I just did this or that didn't feel right.

Caesar:

Or like I did my best.

Caesar:

And I wonder what they're thinking, and we create this list.

Caesar:

What are they thinking about us or what we just said?

Caesar:

And all of it's usually negative.

Caesar:

And we really don't know what they're thinking.

Caesar:

We don't have a crystal ball, so lose it.

Caesar:

like, forget it.

Caesar:

Also remember love, always hopes the best for a person and that situ and the situation you're in love.

Caesar:

Hope.

Caesar:

First Corinthians 13 love hopes.

Caesar:

So don't immediately think here's the 10 negative things.

Caesar:

They're probably thinking.

Caesar:

Sure.

Caesar:

Love hopes.

Caesar:

Give them the second Corinthians also says that we're to take every thought captive.

Caesar:

Our thoughts.

Caesar:

Can't worry about theirs.

Caesar:

Do you don't know what someone else is thinking?

Caesar:

Sure.

Caesar:

Only God knows the thoughts of another person.

Caesar:

So lose the crystal ball.

Caesar:

Third.

Caesar:

I'd say, let go of perfection.

Caesar:

It's great in life to wanna do good.

Caesar:

Get better.

Caesar:

Sure.

Caesar:

No, one's perfect.

Caesar:

We all know that, but it's okay to wanna do things well, but it can be hard to shake the feeling that if you just get things right or had said the right or perfect thing, well, then you'd be more loved and admired or get the result you want.

Caesar:

But perfection is, it's an illusion.

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

And what people think about you has more to do with them?

Caesar:

Than you.

Caesar:

Hmm.

Caesar:

Which leads to the next thing, which is really the biggest is issue.

Caesar:

And that's ask yourself, what lies are you believing about God or yourself or the other person?

Caesar:

Hmm.

Caesar:

And that's, what's going on a lot when you're thinking about why am I so worried about what that person thinks?

Caesar:

Well, what lies are you believing?

Caesar:

About them.

Caesar:

Yes.

Caesar:

Well, they never liked me.

Caesar:

How do you know that?

Caesar:

How do you know that or lies about yourself?

Caesar:

I've always been this way.

Caesar:

I, I never this or I suck at that or I don't have this or it's like, and more importantly, what do you believing about God?

Caesar:

Who's sovereign here?

Caesar:

Who changes?

Caesar:

Hearts.

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

Who created you exactly the way you are?

Caesar:

And loves you the way you are.

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

And he's weaving together this tapestry of people and humanity and situations to show his glory.

Caesar:

Like, so what are you not believing?

Caesar:

That's when you get into a situation, you're like, you come away going like, shoot, man.

Caesar:

I'm so freaking stressed cuz you're so worried about what a person thought.

Caesar:

Sure.

Caesar:

And it's creating limiting beliefs.

Caesar:

What are you not believing?

Heath:

It's good questions to ask man yeah.

Heath:

I was thinking about the other night, my wife and I were talking about how, uh, I do feel that need, that perfectionism need a lot.

Heath:

And she said, it's so interesting.

Heath:

For somebody who's so concerned, like so insecure about what people think about 'em that you make a living being on stage in front of people.

Heath:

And it was funny, cuz that night we got a phone call from a neighbor who, the conversation, they invited us over and the conversation got to like.

Heath:

So do you feel insecure about like our friendship?

Heath:

And I was like, yeah, mm-hmm cause I always walk in thinking, what are you guys thinking about me?

Heath:

And they're like, Heath, we love you.

Heath:

How are we not showing you that we love you?

Heath:

Like, it makes us sad.

Heath:

You

Caesar:

feel that way.

Caesar:

See right to that thing of like, you're not believing yourself.

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

Like I'm not worthy, so

Heath:

they must not like, and then I'm projecting on them on truths.

Heath:

And then now they feel the guilt of like, well, we're not showing you that you're loved enough.

Heath:

So that's on our fault.

Heath:

And it's like the spirals, but you see

Caesar:

how that connects back to what you're not believing about God

Caesar:

yeah.

Caesar:

See, you don't really believe I'm saying you like, it's just you Heath.

Caesar:

You're the only guy.

Caesar:

We don't really believe God loves us apart from our accomplishments.

Caesar:

Sure.

Caesar:

Or like, you know, I did that, that sucked or like my marriage could be better or like, ah, I didn't parent that.

Caesar:

Well, you know, I didn't do that well tonight or whatever.

Caesar:

So we're thinking God's not that stoked about us.

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

So therefore I feel horrible.

Caesar:

And if I do and God's that way, then I project that on everybody else.

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

Think about it.

Caesar:

How do you have a real relationship?

Caesar:

How do you have any kind of intimacy, meaningfulness trust?

Caesar:

And it always comes back to what are we not believing about God, about ourselves, about others?

Heath:

Yeah.

Heath:

And that's what the crux, the conversation was, is like, no, I don't think that you don't love me.

Heath:

I just think that you guys tolerate me.

Heath:

And then I was thinking, well, I think sometimes

Caesar:

I feel same way though.

Caesar:

I feel the same way.

Caesar:

Sometimes I I'll lay in bed going like, okay.

Caesar:

I just feel like I had the worst day in the world, but then I was like, go over.

Caesar:

It was like, that was the best day in the world.

Caesar:

Why did I assume.

Caesar:

She felt that way or he said, he said that he probably meant this.

Caesar:

It's like, why do I go there?

Caesar:

Not believing.

Caesar:

What's true that God loves me and he doesn't see us that way.

Caesar:

And that's not due to you.

Caesar:

That would make you run.

Caesar:

That should just make us run to wanna spend time with the God.

Caesar:

It's like, I don't know what anybody else is thinking, but God, I know what you think.

Caesar:

Cuz you said it and you showed it and you proved it on the cross.

Caesar:

Like I was a dirtbag and you came.

Caesar:

Yeah, exactly.

Caesar:

Is there anything better?

Caesar:

And he died.

Caesar:

Oh my gosh.

Heath:

So let's.

Heath:

Take a second here and pivot a bit and talk about how that there are certain people in our lives that we actually really do need to stop worrying about what they think in order to, to do our jobs, to care for people to live on mission, to make disciples.

Heath:

What would you say about that?

Caesar:

Uh, Well first, I wanna say that what I think what you're asking and what I'm gonna talk about here is not about having this attitude.

Caesar:

That's like, I don't give a beep about that.

Caesar:

You know, it's used for, I just sit here and like, oh, heath's not happy about this.

Caesar:

I don't care.

Caesar:

Cause I'm not supposed to, you know, podcast said don't care about, you know, I saw a blog post actually, when I was researching for this called 10 something like 10 ways to stop giving an F about what others think.

Caesar:

That's not what we're talking about, but there are certain people that just block our ability to be effective or they try to, or do what we need to do or get to do, and will actually be better off to put them on our mental or emotional do not call list.

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

I I'm just, it's true.

Caesar:

You're true.

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

Like we're, we're not saying they don't have value.

Caesar:

We're not.

Caesar:

They're necessarily wrong.

Caesar:

We're just sure.

Caesar:

You know what, for us, we need to put them on the do not call list.

Caesar:

Okay.

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

Now I've heard it said that there are three kinds of people that will engage consistently in our lives.

Caesar:

Okay.

Caesar:

Okay.

Caesar:

There's negative people who pretty much oppose you, no matter what you do or say, they always, well, that could have been better.

Caesar:

Well, that's not gonna matter anyway.

Caesar:

Or like that's, I don't even like agree with that.

Caesar:

They're just negative.

Caesar:

Okay.

Caesar:

Even good things you do will be twisted by them to convince others that you're bad.

Caesar:

Hmm.

Caesar:

Okay.

Caesar:

So there's we all have those people.

Caesar:

They're negatives.

Caesar:

Oh yeah, we do.

Caesar:

Then there's more neutral people or like flip floppers who can be with you one day against you the next.

Caesar:

And they're actually, these people are most easily swayed and influenced by what others think about you and them.

Caesar:

Hmm.

Caesar:

So they're just kind of go, go with the wind because they're super worried about what people think.

Caesar:

Sure.

Caesar:

They're for you if they think everybody else's, but if not like, ehh that Heath guy.

Caesar:

Ultimate Caesar.

Caesar:

Okay.

Caesar:

Then there's the third people which are positive.

Caesar:

They love you.

Caesar:

They support you.

Caesar:

They pretty much, no matter what they're gonna be on your team.

Caesar:

Wow.

Caesar:

No performance required.

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

These people are pretty rare and I found they're usually more mature and less worried about what others think of them.

Caesar:

And that's why they can consistently support you.

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

They're healthy enough to pass that on.

Caesar:

I don't need feedback and joy coming back from you on how I support you or not because.

Caesar:

Secure.

Caesar:

Sure.

Caesar:

By the way, Jesus had those same three kinds of people in his life.

Caesar:

So, I don't know.

Caesar:

Heath, when have you seen these three types of people in your life?

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

And I want you to name names here.

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

oh, go.

Caesar:

Okay.

Caesar:

So for go negatives, go.

Caesar:

Yeah.

Heath:

Negative people.

Heath:

There's a lady that I serve with constantly.

Heath:

I mean, we, we work together two or three times careful and no, I'm like, man, I'm not, I can't say this name.

Heath:

I'll give you names for the other time.

Heath:

No, I'm kidding.

Heath:

But this one, I mean, no matter what you do, it's just, they're so unhealthy that everything is about them.

Heath:

I mean, it's like this insatiable.

Caesar:

Smear.

Caesar:

It has nothing to do with you.

Caesar:

You get that.

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

But just

Heath:

like, I have to remind myself that cuz when I'm around 'em I'm like, oh man, I am awful.

Heath:

And then hindsight, you go like, no, they're just so unhealthy that they have to step on you to make themselves feel good.

Heath:

And it actually makes me feel sad for them.

Heath:

Like, and the long run

Caesar:

put that on the do not call list, I can't even that, you know, I just, I don't want that call.

Heath:

I've worked with many people and, and some people in my travels that are kind of neutral, like especially in the industry I was in with music.

Heath:

It.

Heath:

I mean, people are using you and they need you for this and then your friend and then something comes up and they get a better offer.

Heath:

And then they're flopped.

Heath:

And so

Caesar:

yeah.

Caesar:

What have you done for me lately?

Heath:

Yeah.

Heath:

Yes.

Heath:

Those, yeah.

Heath:

Questions like that are like, Hey man, I think you owe me a couple of these and you're like, oh, are we keeping tally?

Heath:

Cuz I think wow.

Heath:

Talks about that too.

Heath:

yeah.

Heath:

And then as far as positive people like love me, support me.

Heath:

I mean, there's Kathleen obviously is, is one of the major

Caesar:

sources.

Caesar:

Yeah, definitely punted outta your coverage zone there with absolutely

Heath:

you Josh Boyd.

Heath:

I mean, there's people in my life that have really gone.

Heath:

Like, dude, you don't have to, you don't have to perform.

Heath:

And even when you're low, I'm gonna remind you of your true identity and you go, gosh, it's like having a constant, like gas pump around you filling it up again.

Heath:

So I name some

Caesar:

names there and fortunately the flip floppers and the negative people can sometimes be people that you love.

Caesar:

You know what I mean?

Caesar:

Like, but they just are sure.

Caesar:

So

Heath:

you're not saying like, step my grandpa on my, on my stepdad's side was one of those people.

Heath:

It was just, just never can make him happy.

Heath:

Everything was an issue loved me, but

Caesar:

unhealthy.

Caesar:

And sometimes those, you know, negatives or flip floppers can be people who are in positions of authority.

Caesar:

Mm-hmm or above you at work or in your life.

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

Might be your spouse.

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

I hate to say that, but for some people, that's what they're thinking.

Caesar:

They're hearing this today and they're going, that's my spouse, you know?

Caesar:

Or a sibling mm-hmm , you know, sibling.

Caesar:

That's just like, I have one of those it's like, I gotta put 'em on, do not call list old friends.

Caesar:

They they've known you for so long that as you change and evolve, they disdain you for it.

Caesar:

Yeah, but you love 'em.

Caesar:

But how about a boss or a supervisor, or maybe could be the elders at your church.

Caesar:

So for instance, I I've run this too many times as I work with so many people planting churches start missional, communities trying to transition their churches to Missional.

Caesar:

Um, well we're all about it, but the elders they're they're, they won't go along with it.

Caesar:

They're dragging their feet and they're just every idea we have.

Caesar:

It's like, no, cuz we've always done it this way.

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

And it's just like, you, you, you, you know, to actually serve people and make disciples, you're gonna have to quit worrying about what they think.

Caesar:

Hmm.

Caesar:

I, I have friend years ago that.

Caesar:

It's a little snarky.

Caesar:

Okay.

Caesar:

So some people are gonna go like, well, Nancy, but he says, well, I like the way I'm doing it better than the way you're not doing it.

Caesar:

You know what I mean?

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

And so there's certain people that they're never gonna understand, or they're gonna be fearful by what you're trying to do or say, or the freedom you have in Christ.

Caesar:

So like I've had people actually say, dude, I'm blown away.

Caesar:

How you are so free to just speak truth to someone.

Caesar:

and then you kinda leave it there and it doesn't bother you.

Caesar:

And it doesn't seem to flip them out.

Caesar:

I can never do it and they actually can get angry about it.

Caesar:

Like you're so free about it, you know, it's like, and you're like, but see if, if you're gonna like, and I've had people go like, yo, you can't talk to people like that.

Caesar:

It's like, what do you mean?

Caesar:

Well, you just, like, you just told them this is the real issue.

Caesar:

And.

Caesar:

This is the, this is what God thinks about you, but maybe they're experiencing is like, listen, you know?

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

I'm trying to hear the spirit and speak the truth.

Caesar:

And so you have some people you gotta to actually serve to actually make disciples.

Caesar:

You've gotta quit worrying about what they think.

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

You just shake off the dust, right.

Caesar:

People say like, well, we're listening to the podcast or, you know, I bought one of your books or course, or whatever.

Caesar:

And my wife and I really wanna live this way.

Caesar:

My husband and I wanna live this way.

Caesar:

Sure.

Caesar:

But you know, our, pastor's not like.

Caesar:

It's like, you know, you, you make disciples, Jesus commanded it.

Caesar:

You get to it's the thrill ride of that you're ever gonna live on this planet is to help call out and build up the image of God in people, you know, that's beautiful.

Caesar:

And so if someone's like, just not into that, You gotta stop worrying about what they think.

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

To truly care about making disciples and be serious about Jesus called to make disciples, all the naysayers to people who are, they're so much more worried about this program or that, or the way we always did it.

Caesar:

You gotta quit listening to it.

Caesar:

Sure.

Caesar:

I'm not saying you don't love them.

Caesar:

I'm not saying you, you have to quit being a part.

Caesar:

I'm just saying you gotta quit listening to it to the point where it's stopping you.

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

You have to.

Caesar:

Absolutely.

Caesar:

You have to.

Caesar:

And I think the two types of people who you really need to stop caring and worrying.

Caesar:

What they think.

Caesar:

Yep.

Caesar:

Are those negative folks who don't take the time to even understand you?

Caesar:

Hmm.

Caesar:

Or why you're trying to live on Mission, do things different in your neighborhood or your church, your small group.

Caesar:

They just cut it down.

Caesar:

Cuz they go, well, I'm gonna live that way.

Caesar:

Sure.

Caesar:

So then I'll just find some scripture and try to take it outta context and fix you.

Caesar:

To actually live on mission and make disciples.

Caesar:

I think most of us and most of our friends listen to today are gonna have to stop caring about what certain people think.

Caesar:

Hmm.

Caesar:

And that, remember I put on that list, like could be a spouse.

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

Too many times I've had people say like, God is bringing so many People of Peace to my life.

Caesar:

And I see so many opportunities for discipleship.

Caesar:

Mm-hmm . But my husband's just not into it.

Caesar:

Yep.

Caesar:

He goes to work, go to church with me on Sunday.

Caesar:

That's it?

Caesar:

And the rest of the week is not there's no, God in our life checked out.

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

You're gonna have to do you know what I mean?

Caesar:

You're gonna have to like set that part of that.

Caesar:

Don't stop and let your life be the example, the thing that's salty.

Heath:

So I think it's time to like crank up the, the burner a little bit and we'll get a little bit touchy here, but who do you think the other person is that we need to maybe stop worrying about what they think?

Caesar:

Okay.

Caesar:

This will sound harder to some folk.

Caesar:

But the other person that sometimes you need to stop worrying about what they think about you is the person in your life that you're attempting to love well and speak truth to meaning, meaning there's someone in your life and you love 'em and you're trying to help 'em and, and you're trying to help move from unbelief to belief in some area of their life.

Caesar:

And you need to speak the words that the spirit gives you in love.

Caesar:

You know that you're not gonna say it perfectly mm-hmm , but you need to leave it with the other person to choose their response.

Caesar:

Trust God, do the work in their hearts.

Caesar:

That's his job, not yours.

Caesar:

And you need to stop worrying about how they receive it.

Caesar:

Mm-hmm I know that sounds too weird, but onto something though, but Christians are so worried about how people.

Caesar:

Perceive them.

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

Back to this idol of self.

Caesar:

Like if I say that they might not like me.

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

Or they may not want to hear it.

Caesar:

They may not.

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

Guess what?

Caesar:

When you come to me in love and point out sin, I really don't want to hear it.

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

Sin is feels good generally.

Caesar:

That's why we do it.

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

Being selfish feels I'm feeling my tank.

Caesar:

So when someone comes to me, truth and love, they need to not care what I think in some ways mm-hmm, , you know, there again, it's not the like screw you.

Caesar:

That's not the attitude.

Caesar:

That was not Jesus, but when he nailed the Pharisees, he did it love.

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

Because his dad's glory was more important and them coming to believe what was true about him was paramount and way higher.

Caesar:

Again, this is not a license or suggestion to drop bombs on people and say, well, whatever, we're not throwing rocks.

Caesar:

It's actually the opposite of that.

Caesar:

It's the opposite of that.

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

Yeah, exactly.

Caesar:

But if we're believing that we're supposed to be sovereign over their response or choices, and that's a lie about God, mm-hmm, that we're believing who's really the only sovereign one.

Heath:

Well, we've talked before, like the issue there, the core issue is that we think that.

Heath:

Is more glorious than God

Caesar:

is, right.

Caesar:

Yep.

Caesar:

In sense.

Caesar:

And that's, what's coming up here.

Caesar:

If we're not willing to speak the truth and love for fear of what the other other person will think.

Caesar:

Well, exactly what you're saying.

Caesar:

That's self-love or loving them and it's falling into the lie that, that person's more glorious than God.

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

And that their opinion is heavier and outweighs what God thinks and already says is true of us.

Caesar:

So, so backwards, which is that he loves and cherishes you regardless of your performance or perfect words or actions or theirs.

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

So see what I'm saying?

Caesar:

It's like, like that's the trap now you've fall into their more glorious than God.

Caesar:

No, you get, stop thinking about it.

Caesar:

And then if you're locked up thinking, oh, you won't do or say a certain thing because that person will never listen.

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

Or that person won't change, then you're believing the lie that what they're thinking or how they'll act back to that crystal ball thing you don't know.

Caesar:

Yep.

Caesar:

And you're believ.

Caesar:

Probably falsely that it's your perfect approach or your words or your perfect timing.

Caesar:

That'll change that person, not believing the truth, that the spirit of God convicts of sin and righteousness and changes the hearts of people.

Caesar:

Yeah.

Heath:

And that's one thing you gotta remember, like if the Spirit's leading you to do something.

Heath:

do it, like do it in love cuz there's a-holes that don't, you know, and it's like, well, that wasn't received.

Heath:

Well, I, I tried to tell 'em, but they just didn't hear it.

Heath:

And they're like, well, you didn't really do it in love.

Heath:

But then on the flip side of that coin, there's times where I've seen people and it's like, I really should address that, but I, I don't wanna make things awkward, but by not addressing it, you're actually just allowing them to spiral into whatever it.

Caesar:

My experience, most of that is my self-love.

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

And I've actually had the spirit convict me many, many times where I've had to go to people and say, you know, last time we were talking about this, I didn't go where I was supposed to.

Caesar:

Like, what do you mean?

Caesar:

I loved me more than I loved you.

Caesar:

And I, I.

Caesar:

First, I wanna say, I'm sorry.

Caesar:

And can you forgive me for loving me more than you, which happens more than, you know?

Caesar:

Okay.

Caesar:

sure.

Caesar:

But I really needed to say this to you.

Caesar:

I think, I think God wants to say this to you.

Caesar:

And he wanted me to use me to do that.

Caesar:

And I loved me and out of fear that, you know, you might not be stoked about it, cuz it's a little bit of an oucher bro, you know, but here goes, I'm gonna do the best.

Caesar:

I can please know.

Caesar:

This comes from a place of love and you know what, 99 times outta a hundred, when you start with confession, humility.

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

And you bring it to a person like.

Caesar:

Even if it's an oucher, you know?

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

They're gonna be like, I gotta think about that.

Caesar:

I'm gonna receive that.

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

Now you gotta leave it with God then.

Caesar:

Yep.

Caesar:

You gotta think we were more worried about what God thinks and you already know what God thinks.

Caesar:

I love you son.

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

I'm crazy about

Heath:

you.

Heath:

Yeah.

Heath:

And then the follow up, I think, is not to leave it just there, but also to pursue afterwards, go like, Hey, I know you've done this with me.

Heath:

Like, Hey man, I know that was a tough word last week.

Heath:

I still love you, man.

Heath:

Like you wanna go see a game this week?

Heath:

You wanna come over and have a drink?

Heath:

Like, so there's this pursuit that identity of, of Jesus pursuing us and that's

Caesar:

and that's.

Caesar:

And we learned, hopefully we learned that when parenting our kids, you can be parenting, but I'm still on your team.

Caesar:

Sure.

Caesar:

But still gotta time out or you're still might get spanking here.

Caesar:

You love you.

Caesar:

It's not like, well, you're in a spanking and now you're on your own for three days.

Caesar:

Go live the woods, ACO living woods.

Heath:

All right, man.

Heath:

Let's jump onto the big three.

Heath:

Those are the big three takeaways.

Heath:

We'd love for people to have based off what our topic was today.

Heath:

Caesar, what would you say the big three are for this week?

Heath:

Yeah.

Heath:

If

Caesar:

nothing else don't miss these.

Caesar:

And, and as always, like, sometimes I point it out and our Heath will point out, but I always kind of put it like in head heart, hands, like, what do we need to know?

Caesar:

What do we need to believe and what do we get to do?

Caesar:

So here's the first one, what God knows about you and every person that you ever meet.

Caesar:

And do life for ministry with is the biggest thing.

Caesar:

It's paramount.

Caesar:

He alone knows the hearts, motives and plans that he has for you and everyone else love hopes the best.

Caesar:

And it expects God to do the work of glorifying himself while he uses and changes us.

Caesar:

Both of us to do that.

Heath:

It's good, man.

Heath:

It makes a lot of sense.

Caesar:

Okay.

Caesar:

Second true.

Caesar:

salvation it includes heaven and avoidance of hell and all that is being set free from the tyranny of worrying about what others think of you.

Caesar:

Now here don't miss that.

Caesar:

God showed us his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners, Romans five eight, right?

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

While we were still sinners.

Caesar:

He deeply knows you, and he still loved you enough to exchange his perfect life for your less than perfect life.

Caesar:

Jesus died that we'd be set free from self love and fear of man.

Caesar:

And once again, put God in his glory, what he's really like.

Caesar:

Sure.

Caesar:

Before and above all others and their opinions of us.

Caesar:

That's true.

Caesar:

Salvation, like really is.

Caesar:

Yeah.

Caesar:

Like being set free now.

Caesar:

And third, You'e not the center of other people's focus.

Caesar:

They usually are.

Caesar:

Remember, you would care a lot less about what others think about you.

Caesar:

If you knew how little others think about you, pray for the words to speak to others, especially for more sensitive conversations and then wait for God to do what only he can do their response or lack of.

Caesar:

Is their choice.

Caesar:

Mm-hmm but be faithful to do and act and speak according to the spirit in the word and what God asks you to do.

Heath:

Yeah.

Heath:

I, I love that last one, man.

Heath:

It reminds me that often.

Heath:

I mean, how much weight I carry on myself.

Heath:

Like projecting other people's opinions on me and they're like, oh man, you would read way too into it.

Heath:

I've never given it that much thought.

Heath:

And meanwhile, like my insights are just being turned around because I think this person's for weeks

Caesar:

or months or years.

Heath:

Yeah.

Heath:

Yeah.

Heath:

And then you develop a narrative in your head that is completely unfair and not true.

Heath:

And so thanks for those big

Caesar:

three.

Caesar:

Awesome.

Caesar:

And as always, you can get a printable PDF of this week's big three, just go to everyday Disciple dot com slash big three that's everyday Disciple dot com slash B IG the number three, and we'll email it right out to you.

Caesar:

And by the way, if you're interested in learning a full framework for discipleship and mission with your family in community, with others, if you're trying to help your church move to much more community based faith and discipleship in everyday life, then that's what we're all about.

Caesar:

I would love to show you what we're doing.

Caesar:

Talk to you about the coaching we offer and all of that.

Caesar:

Just go on over to everyday Disciple dot com slash coaching.

Caesar:

There'll be a bunch of more information and even a little short form.

Caesar:

You can fill out if you wanna touch base and we can hop on a phone call or a zoom call or whatever.

Caesar:

All right.

Caesar:

Well, time's up today.

Caesar:

Next week Heath and I are gonna talk about how Jesus explained life and growth in the kingdom.

Caesar:

It turns out it's not about mere church attendance and behavioral modification with a big emphasis on sin management.

Caesar:

Nope.

Caesar:

And Jesus wants us to see and experience life in the kingdom of heaven every day.

Caesar:

And we can see a pattern and a promise throughout scripture that lights that path for us.

Caesar:

It's really cool.

Caesar:

We're gonna unpack that for you.

Caesar:

And I think you're gonna love.

Caesar:

Help talk to you soon.

Heath:

Thanks for joining us today.

Heath:

For more information on this show and to get loads of free discipleship resources, visit everyday Disciple dot com.