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52. Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria – A Personal Story With Tammie Ray
Episode 5223rd January 2024 • ADHD Mums • Jane McFadden
00:00:00 00:51:26

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On this episode of The ADHD Mums Podcast, Jane is joined by Tammie to discuss her journey of receiving a late-stage ADHD diagnosis at the age of 40.

Tammie shares her experiences with different medications, highlighting the positive impact of Dexamphetamine and the challenges she faced with Vyvanse, as well as how Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) became instrumental in managing her ADHD-related struggles.

Tammie shares on how Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria has impacted her life and how she manages it day to day.

Transcripts

Speaker:

Hello and welcome to

the ADHD Mums podcast.

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I am back and I just started to feel

like it had been a while and I realized

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that it had been September school

holidays and then I had a recovery

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phase after that, which was needed and

we've kind of jumped straight back in.

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Who we've got today is we have

a personal share on RSD, which

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is something that a lot of us.

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I've got in my own episode out

on RSD and a share that I did at

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work that backfired completely.

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I think I actually cried

during the podcast.

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It's one of the ones I always

talk about taking down.

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And, but it's also, I've

received a lot of DMS about it.

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And I thought.

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Gee, people are relating to this.

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This is a podcast that's

about relatability.

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So I've brought in somebody who's

offered to share about how that

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is, has impacted their life.

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So Tammy Ray was diagnosed with ADHD at

40 years old, which was one year ago.

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She has two daughters with ADHD

and ASD and she grew up with

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brothers diagnosed ADHD as children.

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Tammy uses photography in a

way to express her creativity.

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And she has had a really up and down

roller coaster ride, I suppose with

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late stage diagnosis and dealing

with how that's impacted her.

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So welcome to you, Tammy.

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Thank you.

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Thanks for having me, Jane.

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I'm excited.

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So I picked up Sammy from a Facebook

ADHD Mums group that I like to sit

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in and commentate, ask questions,

and it's just always interesting.

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And Tammy responded and said that

she'd be willing or interested.

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to share her story.

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Can you tell us a little bit about

why you were interested in, you

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know, you even responded to the

Facebook post in the beginning.

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I guess with ADHD, it's becoming

such a high topic now that

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I like to share my story.

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I'm very open, very honest

about My struggle with ADHD,

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things that I've put in place.

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So I just want to, I guess, share a

few things that I've been through,

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things that affected my life, my

children's life, my whole family really.

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So yeah, I like to be an open book and

it's, I guess it's just one of those

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things that it's come to me so late

for myself, but I know so much about

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ADHD that I really just wanted to.

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Show up from a different perspective.

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Yeah, beautiful.

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Okay.

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So do you want to give us a little bit

of an overview on you know What was

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your life like up until your diagnosis?

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How did all that, you know kind of happen?

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I'm everyone always wants to know kind

of our stories around that Yeah, I guess

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as you said in my intro I grew up with

brothers with ADHD, especially my younger

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brother He was diagnosed in the 80s at

about four or five Even back then, my

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mum had a lot of struggles trying to

get him, you know, the, the help that

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he needed throughout his, his life.

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But me being, I guess, I was able

to go to school and concentrate.

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I was sort of left behind.

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Yet, now that you see all these

other things with RSD and, you know,

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being inattentive and all those

things, you're just like, oh, wow.

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So, you know, I've been

through that with my life.

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When my eldest daughter, who's about

to turn 20, was about five, I saw

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it in her and I knew straight away.

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You've got ADHD and we got her, you

know, we went through that process

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with her and hers was really simple.

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It wasn't until my youngest who

is about to turn 12 was diagnosed

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and I knew she was autistic.

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I, you know, that's just what it was.

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But when the pediatrician said, oh, she's

ADHD as well, I sort of went back at him

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and said, no, no, no, she can concentrate.

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She sits in class.

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Okay.

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And he's like, no, no, no,

look at all these other things.

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And, you know, it got me

thinking, well, that's me.

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That's what I do.

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So I went on this bit of a path that like,

oh, hang on, maybe, maybe I'm the same.

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And one of my closest friends,

she's not diagnosed, but she,

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every time she sees me, she's

like, oh my God, you were so ADHD.

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Can you please go and get tested?

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So, you know, I've sort of lived

with it my whole life without.

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And the last 12 months for an adult

with ADHD has been such an education.

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I've been really blessed to know

so much about childhood ADHD and

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how to manage things around that.

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But yeah, coming into adulthood and

trying to figure out myself as being

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complex, so yeah, that's pretty much

where I'm at with it at the moment.

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I'm just, I'm still educating myself

and trying to figure out where I am.

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I was very blessed with my diagnosis.

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I have been through a lot.

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I had an ex husband from the military

who ended up becoming a narcissist.

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So, you know, I had to deal with

that with rejection sensitivity

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disorder, which wasn't very pleasant.

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And then I've been seeing the same GP

for about, since my youngest was born.

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So about 12 years, I've

been seeing her and it was.

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I got into a new relationship about

two years ago and he started really

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going, this is just not right.

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This is just not right.

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There's something wrong.

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You need to go talk to your doctor.

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So, you know, I've gone in there

and we had a chat about ADHD

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and she goes, you know what?

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You meet every single category.

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I was very blessed then to get

straight through to her psychiatrist

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who was about to retire and he took

one look at me and my family history

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and I didn't have to do any testing.

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I was really lucky that.

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We went straight into diagnosis

and straight into medication.

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He, you know, he could see from my

whole family history and everything.

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So, for that side of it I was really,

I was really blessed that I, I

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didn't spend thousands and thousands

because of my massive family history.

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And the fact that I had the same GP, the

same psychologist, they were able to, Get

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all the information and just be able to

straight away go bang, yeah, you're right.

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Okay, so are you still on medication?

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Like how has that journey been?

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People always want to know about, you

know, what you've tried and how it went.

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So with my children, I sort of knew

what did and didn't work with them.

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So I sort of went straight away to the,

you know, concert is not going to work.

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This isn't going to work.

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So I went straight to Dex

and it was incredible.

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Just straight away.

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I was like, Oh my goodness,

the voices have gone.

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I can concentrate.

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I can sit.

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I'm not stressed about every little tiny

aspect of my, my life at the moment.

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And I, and we did that for a

month and it was really great.

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I would, I take three tablets in the

morning and took my lunchtime, which gets

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me through the day and it was really good.

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But then the doctor's like, I

really want you to try Vyvanse.

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Went on Vyvanse and it was horrendous.

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It actually destroyed my

relationship in the end.

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The come downs at the end of the day

were horrendous for me as a person.

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I know it's worked, I have a co worker

who Vyvanse is amazing for her, but for me

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personally it was those come downs at the

end of the day that were just horrific.

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I was a complete mess.

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So I went back to the doctor

and we went back to Dex.

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With that as well, I, I have

PMDD as well I'm assuming.

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I, you know, that's from what I've

read and how I feel about myself.

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I was noticing that week before

my period was due was just,

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don't be near me, I'd stay away.

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So I actually went on a low dose of Zoloft

as well, so my doctor put me on that.

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We were just going to do it for the week

of the period to see if that would help.

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It ended up being really good

that it's mellowed me enough every

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day, so I take that as well now,

plus all the different vitamins,

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magnesium, fish oil, all those things.

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My next step is to work on

my diet and try and get that.

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So that it's, you know, I'm eating

foods that help the brain basically.

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So yeah, so Dex for me now, I don't think

I'll change, I'm quite happy where I am.

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It's, I was binge eating a lot.

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I, I work, you know, on computers

and I sit at a desk all day.

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So I was finding, I put on

30 kilos over the years.

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And Two years ago, I've lost

30 kilos in the last two years.

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First year.

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Wow.

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Congratulations.

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Oh my God.

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That's huge.

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Yeah, it's great.

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And being on decks has really, it

sort of not, not only does it, it

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doesn't take away my appetite as such,

but it stops me from binge eating.

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So I'm not sitting at my

desk all day and just eating.

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Crap all day.

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I'm actually at lunchtime.

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I'm like, Oh, I'm hungry now.

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I'll have lunch, have my medication

and that'll generally get me through.

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I mean, I still, I don't know about

many other people, but I have a

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really bad Coke zero addiction.

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My daughter finds it hilarious, sends me.

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You know, Tik Tok's about it all

the time and stuff, but that's my

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vice and I need to drink more water.

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So I need to figure out

how I'm going to do that.

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Oh, look, it's always a

stepping stone, isn't it?

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It sounds like you've done

incredibly well to find the

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right medication, get diagnosed.

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I mean, look how far you've come.

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You've lost, what did you say?

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30 kilos.

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Yes, I was only looking at a

photo the other day from 20 to

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now, and I'm like, wow, it's not

even the same person anymore.

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I'm hearing, you know, massive weight

loss as well, and I know that this

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is an RSD episode, but people will

want to hear this, that's for sure.

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How do you think that ADHD has

impacted your eating and then, you

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know, being from non medicated to

medicated, you know, do you think that

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was part of it or how did that work?

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Absolutely.

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So it, I was a massive binge eater.

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I would, anytime that I felt

any type of stress or anything.

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I need chocolate.

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I need this, I need that.

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And I would be straight into it.

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And it was, it was really out of control.

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So when I went on the decks, that was

actually the first thing I noticed

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was that I'd sit at my desk and

I'd get my work done, but I wasn't.

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Um, opening the drawer for a snack

or, or whatever was next to me.

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So when I, when my brain

was like, Oh, you're hungry.

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I actually would just go and eat properly.

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So, you know, I'd have a salad for lunch

instead of going, ugh, I can't do this and

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race down to McDonald's and get whatever.

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So I've, I've found that it's,

it's helped me think first.

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Cause generally I'd get overwhelmed

and go, I can't do this.

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I'm just going to get

us takeout or whatever.

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So.

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It's just changing those little

things in my head that I can slow

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down and go, okay, I've got food here.

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I can eat that.

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And that's, that's what I find.

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I need, I actually need

to remember to eat.

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So before I take my meds in the

morning, I make sure I have.

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Something to eat.

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So I actually, you know, TikTok's

been so great for my diagnosis,

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but I pre make most of my meals.

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I, I live alone generally, my daughter

and I, she's 50, 50 with her dad and I.

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So I pre make a lot of meals and

have them in the freezer ready to go.

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I find that it's a really helpful

thing, especially in those

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nights when you're home alone and

you're just like, Oh, screw it.

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Uber Eats is so easy.

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I can just jump into the

freezer and grab something out.

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So, you know, I'll write a list every

second Sunday of things I want to

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eat during the week and I'll chuck

them in the freezer ready to go.

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So that's been really, you know, helpful.

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The medication really did.

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It's been a life changer

for my diet in that sense.

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You know, I have up and down moments where

I'm not doing great and I'll just be like,

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screw it and, you know, have a binge.

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But I think that's just

part and parcel of life.

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Instead of getting upset at

myself, I just, you know, have to

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go, okay, well, it is what it is.

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You make up for it.

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It's all good.

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So yeah.

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Yeah.

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Diet's been probably, yeah.

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One of the biggest changes in my life.

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And.

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You know, you're working from home a lot

and you finally go into the office after

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a while and people are like, holy, you've

got, you know, you're looking great.

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It's, you know, it's a, that's a

dopamine hit that you need for the day.

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So that's always a really nice thing.

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I really like going in and you

know, I like to op shop as well.

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So we, you know, I'll go find

something nice and new there and

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wear it to work and you know, you get

complimented on how you're looking.

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It's a really nice feeling.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Beautiful.

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There's a couple of things in that.

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I just wanted to pull apart what you

said because it's so interesting.

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In regards to the pre made meals, I

thought that was really interesting

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comment because I noticed, or I,

this is my opinion with ADHD, it's

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very difficult to actually break down

those steps because if you think about

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what it takes to buy the ingredients,

put together a recipe, cook it.

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Put it into containers

and put it into a freezer.

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Those are actually, there's a lot of

executive function in those steps.

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And I was wondering, is that because

of medication that you've been

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able to figure out how to do that?

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I think therapy.

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I do a lot of DBT, so

Diabetical Behaviour Therapy.

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I think that's been a real

game changer in my life.

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I find that I write lists.

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So, the medication helps me with the

fact when I'm up and I'm ready, if I've,

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and I can sit down and write a list.

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Generally, if I sit down, I turn

the TV on and I don't move, but if

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I'm medicated, I'll know I'll write

my list and then I'll, you know,

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start moving throughout the day.

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So it does help, but for me, from that

point of view, if I've got a list in

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front of me, just step by step, even if

I don't get through it all, I'm okay.

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But mine was more probably from

a therapy side than a medication

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side that has helped me because if

I don't get through it or I'm not

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stressed about it, it doesn't matter.

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But lists, I have lists everywhere.

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Everything's a list.

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My daughter's got lists,

checklists for school.

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I've got everything sorted.

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So even, even my medications

on a, on a list so that I can

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remember because I have, that's

something that I struggle with is.

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It's remembering things and doing things.

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I have to have it written down visually

so I can have it blaring in my face.

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So yeah, the, the list is, is my thing.

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So you know, I write what I want,

what I want to make, what I need to

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buy and you know, everything down.

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Do you just do it in an exercise books?

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Where do you put all your lists?

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How does that work?

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I can't do it on my phone because

you can hide your phone and I

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can hide my notepad in my phone.

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So I'm a paper person.

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I have notebooks everywhere.

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I've got one on my desk, one in

my work bag, you know, one in my

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car, one on the kitchen bench, one

sitting next to me, things like that.

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So I generally write

them down in notebooks.

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And then it's visual.

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I, I like to leave them on my

kitchen bench because when I walk

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through my door, my kitchen's right

there and I can see my, my to do.

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I've got one on there at the moment

of things that I need to finish

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my housework off for the week.

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So yeah, I am very, I'm very, very visual.

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I need it.

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It needs to be in my

face or it doesn't exist.

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Okay.

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Okay.

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Got it.

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And the other thing I was going to say

was in regards to, you know, how you

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were saying that when you get up and you

wanting to have lunch, You would actually

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make yourself proper food instead of like

snacking through the day or, you know,

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driving down to getting some take away.

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I was wondering again, is that the impact

of therapy or medication that you are

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able to slow down and actually make

the salad and then sit down and eat it?

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Or what do you think has changed there?

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It's probably, it'd be a bit of both.

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So the pre made things is

what really gets me going.

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So I spent, as I said before, I

spend every second Sunday doing

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up pre made, not only that though,

but I get lunch things ready.

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So like I've got a big bag of

carrots in the fridge that I've cut

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up and they're ready so I can just

take a few out instead of going to

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the other snack place and finding

just a packet of chips or whatever.

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I'll go there and grab

carrots and just some dip out.

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And that'll be my say morning

tea and things like that.

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So I, I have to be really strict on

myself to make sure that I do that.

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And it's a bit of both.

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It's some days I don't take my meds

on the weekend because I want to give

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my brain a little bit of a break.

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But when I know that that Sunday

that I need to get things done and

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I need to really focus, I make,

I take my medication that day.

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Cause it will.

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Help me focus to get all those

little items done for the day.

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And then it sets me up for the week

and I don't have that stress of

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going, Oh, what am I going to do?

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You know, even if you get home 15

minutes late, you're just stressed.

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But, you know, I've already got

everything pre made ready to go.

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So that Sunday is a really significant.

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It's the Sunday that

my daughter's not here.

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She's with her dad that I

just, yeah, smash out a heap of

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baking and things for myself.

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I've got, I've actually

got it on my phone.

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I've got an alarm.

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So like on a midday on that

Sunday, the alarm goes off and

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I know it's time to get moving.

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Yeah.

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That's just that little reminder.

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It doesn't come off.

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It stays on.

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Yeah, I do that for my medication as well.

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I fix my medication every Sunday into

my little container on Monday to Sunday.

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It goes off at 6 p.

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m.

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on a Sunday night and I know that it's

time to get up and get that organized.

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The other thing I wanted to

ask you about as well, because

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obviously you were diagnosed at 40

and you had, you know, a brother.

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Was it one brother or two brothers

that were diagnosed with ADHD as kids?

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I have one officially diagnosed, one

probably unofficial, my older brother

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is only my half brother so I didn't

technically grow up with him and we

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have different mums, but he's definitely

ADHD because I'm pretty certain our

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dad is as well, but my little brother,

yeah, he, he was, yeah, yeah, diagnosed

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around four or five, I believe.

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Yeah, so my mum went

through a lot through this.

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If he's had the benefit of being

diagnosed early and interventions and

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awareness and possibly medication,

like how do you think it's impacted

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your life not finding out and not

making these changes until you were 40?

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I did go through a time recently

where I was really hurt by my family.

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I just felt that, and even my brothers

actually apologised to me one night.

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Just saying he felt bad that he took

all of our parents time because they did

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put a lot of time into his diagnosis and

that and it's not his fault, it's not

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my parents fault, it just, that's life.

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But there was a little bit of resentment

there on, for my parents because I

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did always feel like I was left behind

and I had to fend for myself a lot

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of my life and, you know, get, you

know, it's, it's hard because I don't

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want my parents to feel like they're,

you know, they did wrong because they

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didn't really, they just didn't know.

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And, yeah, so there's been resentment

over the last couple of years of me

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going, you know, it's unfair that I got

to adulthood without anything, and I

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:

had to do it myself, and, you know, I've

got girls and I got them diagnosed young

366

:

so that I could get them help and make

sure that they have the best lives that

367

:

they can have, but I still, and even

till today, I still don't believe it.

368

:

I've had the life that I could have had.

369

:

I could have done so much more.

370

:

I love my life and I, and I love

what I do for a living at the moment.

371

:

It's all those what ifs.

372

:

What if I could have went

to university and studied?

373

:

Because my big issue is I

can't concentrate for too long.

374

:

I can't, I need visual.

375

:

I can't sit and listen.

376

:

I need, I'm always writing and.

377

:

Things like that, and it's just those

little things, and you're just like,

378

:

Hmm, I could have been, you know,

there's just this little part of me

379

:

that's like I could have been more.

380

:

And yeah, I get a bit frustrated

with my family with that, but

381

:

you know, it's not their fault.

382

:

The 80s were a tough time, you know, girls

were never diagnosed with ADHD in the 80s.

383

:

I don't, I don't know anybody that was.

384

:

So, yeah, it's, yeah, it's tough, you

know, I was called an emotional child.

385

:

You know, I cried, I still

cry a lot now, but, you know.

386

:

I was just emotional.

387

:

So I guess, you know, that

emotional, well, what was it?

388

:

Now, now I know what it is, but

back then they're just like,

389

:

Oh, you're just a sookie kid.

390

:

I was a sookie kid.

391

:

Yeah.

392

:

It's funny though, because it's, it's

a great way of looking at it though,

393

:

because even if your parents had have

taken you repeatedly to the GP or

394

:

wherever they went, you, they probably

would have been told that you were fine.

395

:

So.

396

:

It's, it's a really

difficult time, I think.

397

:

Yeah.

398

:

When I was about 11 or 12, around my age,

my youngest daughter is now, I, we moved

399

:

from Tasmania to Queensland and I went

through this really horrible stage where

400

:

I was getting all these stomach issues

and was in and out of hospital and my

401

:

mum was taking me to doctors and things

and we couldn't figure out what it was.

402

:

But now, you know, I know that, you

know, stomach issues can relate back

403

:

to ADHD because my youngest daughter

is the exact age I was and she's

404

:

having the same thing at the moment.

405

:

You know, that could have been something

that they looked at, that it was

406

:

more of a You know, it was more of my

head than an actual physical illness.

407

:

So, you know, I had all

these testings done.

408

:

I was horrified.

409

:

I was 11 and scared.

410

:

And, you know, they're putting

things inside me, trying to

411

:

figure out what was wrong with me.

412

:

And, you know, they never, you know,

till this day, they don't know.

413

:

But now I'm aware of, you know,

this is all an effect of, of that.

414

:

So, you know, I guess

in a sense, mum did try.

415

:

Without knowing, because

you just don't know.

416

:

Yeah, it's interesting, the, I've done

a couple of episodes on recognising

417

:

ADHD in girls, and a few people

have brought up the stomach pains.

418

:

And I remember going to hospital like

three or four times as a kid, and

419

:

they were always talking about taking

out my appendix, but they never did.

420

:

There was never any, any known cause

and still to this day, I always say

421

:

to my husband, I remember the pain.

422

:

It was real.

423

:

It was real.

424

:

I remember it and I know it was real.

425

:

So when my daughter lays on the

ground with a, you know, a hot bag

426

:

on her stomach and starts crying

and moaning and my husband's like,

427

:

there's nothing wrong with her.

428

:

I'm like, well, there probably isn't

anything physically wrong with her, but I

429

:

think her stomach does legitimately hurt.

430

:

And that's exactly what my daughter's

going through at the moment and

431

:

I, and I hate it for her because

I just have to say there's, there

432

:

is nothing I can do for you love.

433

:

We have to unfortunately live

with this and do our best to

434

:

keep going during the day.

435

:

So yeah, she struggles really

badly with tummy issues at the

436

:

moment and it's just not kind.

437

:

Poor little thing.

438

:

Is, I always wondered if mine

just went back to anxiety.

439

:

Do you think yours and your daughter's

is anxiety or what do you think it is?

440

:

I think there is a bit of anxiety there.

441

:

And hers does flare up a

lot more when she's anxious.

442

:

So when she's needing to do things,

it's, Oh, my tummy's really hurting.

443

:

You know, sometimes I'm just like,

Oh, you got to suck it up, mate.

444

:

Cause.

445

:

We've still got to get things done.

446

:

It's just unfortunate life.

447

:

I, you know, I, I try and sort of help her

mask it a little bit by, you know, I'll

448

:

give her like a multivitamin or something.

449

:

And sometimes that just magically works.

450

:

So yeah, I think, I think it's a

bit of everything, but yeah, there's

451

:

definitely mind flares up a lot more

when I'm feeling anxious or overwhelmed.

452

:

Absolutely.

453

:

Okay.

454

:

So let's go into the RSD.

455

:

I just wanted to kind of get a general.

456

:

Overview of, and plus, as I said,

people find it really interesting to

457

:

hear other people's stories to see

the similarities and the differences.

458

:

So in regards to RSD, because you said

that's had a big impact on your life.

459

:

Can you tell us a bit more about that?

460

:

Yeah, absolutely.

461

:

So I actually had never

heard of RSD until.

462

:

Earlier this year, so it was even after my

diagnosis, they were looking at Borderline

463

:

Personality Disorder for me as well.

464

:

And, you know, the correlation

between the two is significant.

465

:

But when I really got into it, the

RSD, it's, it's significant in my life.

466

:

There's many times.

467

:

I always think about my eldest daughter.

468

:

We're very, we're very close.

469

:

I was only 21 when I had her,

so she's about to turn 20, and

470

:

I think about her childhood and

how my RSD has impacted her life.

471

:

So there'd be times where, you know,

she'd have a few friends that would

472

:

hang out together, and she would

find out, and she would tell me,

473

:

and I would feel rejected by that.

474

:

Like, well, why weren't we invited?

475

:

What, you know, what have we done wrong?

476

:

You know, all these thoughts would go

through my head, and, you know, to the

477

:

point where I actually Stop talking

to people like there's a lot of people

478

:

that I had that were friends that

I now no longer speak with because

479

:

of Things like that, where I went,

you know, a couple of the kids got

480

:

together and they had a sleepover.

481

:

My daughter wasn't invited.

482

:

They sent her a Snapchat or something

like that and, you know, we got offended.

483

:

And she, she came to me and I

couldn't control my emotions

484

:

either because I was upset.

485

:

with her, because I'm like,

well, why aren't I there too?

486

:

They're all there together.

487

:

They're supposed to be my friends.

488

:

And of course I let it take over

and I messaged them and called

489

:

them and just went, nope, I'm done.

490

:

And I walked away.

491

:

So I've lost a lot of friendships in that

over the last probably 10 years or so.

492

:

My relationships, especially the one that

I've currently come out of, unfortunately.

493

:

The RSD has always been

really bad with that.

494

:

I, yeah, that, that one's a tough one.

495

:

He's a, he's a great man and I adore

him, but he, he didn't deal well with

496

:

my RSD because I have a lot of trauma

from my ex husband and I brought that

497

:

over to our relationship and it'd

just be little things, you know, he'd

498

:

be like, he's got children as well.

499

:

And he'd be like, Oh, I'm going to go

hang out with the boys for a little bit.

500

:

You know, we'll go down to the skate

park or whatever they wanted to do.

501

:

And I would be like.

502

:

Why am I not invited?

503

:

Why can't I come?

504

:

And I would get, I wouldn't say anything,

but I, I'd get, you know, pissed off.

505

:

And I'd be just like,

well, this is just shit.

506

:

Why, why can't Sienna and I come?

507

:

Why can't we come and have

fun with you guys as well?

508

:

But it's just him wanting to, you know,

just spend some time with his boys.

509

:

And, you know, and I do that as well.

510

:

I'll take my daughter out and we'll go

out and have fun, but I felt this massive

511

:

rejection and I would get really angry

at him and he couldn't understand it.

512

:

And neither did I at the time because, you

know, after and, you know, hours later I'd

513

:

be like, Oh yeah, it doesn't even matter.

514

:

Like he's just spending time with his

kids, but it really, you know, it put

515

:

a massive effect on our relationship

because I just couldn't understand

516

:

why we couldn't do everything as a

family unit when really, you know, they

517

:

just want to bond as, you know, sons

and father, which is understandable,

518

:

but now when I'm medicated, like

I can feel it come up, I can feel

519

:

that overwhelmingness that I'm being

rejected, and It was only the other day.

520

:

I think I was on the train going to work.

521

:

It must've been Monday

or Tuesday last week.

522

:

And I'd got a message from his,

my ex partner, but we still, we're

523

:

still weird place at the moment.

524

:

But he messaged me to say that he just

needed to spend some time on his own.

525

:

And he gets like that.

526

:

He can very much just

be on his own and happy.

527

:

And I got this overwhelming

sense of what have I done now?

528

:

This is.

529

:

I can't understand why he's doing this

and I got really, really frustrated, but

530

:

I'd only just taken my medication and

after sitting on the train, had my music

531

:

on, probably about half an hour later,

the whole sensation came out of my body.

532

:

And I was like, wow, my meds are amazing.

533

:

Like that was just one real

moment where I realized that my

534

:

meds have made me go, hang on.

535

:

He's just wanting to chill on his own.

536

:

Like, why am I getting so stressed out

about someone telling me he wants to hang

537

:

out on his own for a couple of hours?

538

:

And you know, I felt it.

539

:

And in my head, I was like, I can't

live without my medication now.

540

:

I knew in that moment, it was

last week, I had just this massive

541

:

epiphany that I realized that

My medication, I have to take it

542

:

because it's those things like that.

543

:

Like I can, you know, I can sit in

the, I can sit at work and forget

544

:

my meds and things like that.

545

:

But it's all that other stuff like

the RSD that it really does help

546

:

me just stay calm and rational.

547

:

I'm not, I can be really illogical.

548

:

So those rational thoughts come

straight in and they come straight out.

549

:

But when I medicated, they don't

come straight up, they're there and I

550

:

can feel them, but I don't say them.

551

:

And that's.

552

:

Where I felt this massive change

in my life, probably even just in

553

:

the last probably three months.

554

:

I've been living on my own

for about three months now.

555

:

And I've really noticed that

I've been able to control that

556

:

way more than I could before.

557

:

And yeah, a little bit

of dbt in with that.

558

:

Cause I do a lot of mindfulness and

I do a lot of adult coloring and all

559

:

those things, but it really is my

meds that make me sit back and go,

560

:

okay, process this easier and realize

that it's just, you feel rejected

561

:

when you're not, you know, and social

media has been a massive, massive.

562

:

Massive thing for that.

563

:

So, you know, you'll see people getting

together, even people that I don't even

564

:

want to hang out with, but I'll see

them, you know, they'll tag each other

565

:

in a photo and just little wave of.

566

:

Oh, why am I not?

567

:

I'm not there.

568

:

That's unfair, but I don't

even want to be there.

569

:

It's a really weird feeling that

you feel rejected, but you don't

570

:

actually care because you didn't

want to be there in the first place.

571

:

It's a really, a really weird feeling.

572

:

And it, you know, until I had that

name for it, and then I was able to

573

:

go in and have a look and see what

rejection sensitivity disorder is.

574

:

I was like, there are massive

light bulb moments and it's really.

575

:

Just being able to identify it,

put a name and a label on it.

576

:

People are like, Oh, I don't like labels.

577

:

I love labels.

578

:

I'm labeling it.

579

:

This is how I feel.

580

:

And even when I'm having a

rejection moment, I'll actually.

581

:

Tell the person, look, I'm suffering

this at the moment, just give me

582

:

a minute and I'll get over it.

583

:

And you know, that's how

I'm trying to work my life.

584

:

I'm, yeah, I do it at work.

585

:

You know, there's a, Actually, one

of the stories I was going to tell

586

:

and I've just re remembered it.

587

:

When I first started at my old job, I was

at my old job for 15 years and I worked

588

:

in the state government call center.

589

:

We get a certain amount of calls

listened to per month and they

590

:

evaluate them and see how we're going.

591

:

So that doesn't work well for me because

if like, if you don't part that, you

592

:

know, you can pass or fail calls.

593

:

If you fail, they don't, as long as you're

not doing anything wrong, they don't

594

:

care, but there's certain things that you

shouldn't be saying to customers on the

595

:

phone or, you know, you can, you know, we

all make mistakes and things like that.

596

:

But there was one of the

first ones I ever got back.

597

:

I just looked at it.

598

:

I was mortified.

599

:

I, you know, I passed nine

of the, so we get 10 calls.

600

:

I passed nine, but that one

call that I didn't pass.

601

:

It was a mess.

602

:

I was crying.

603

:

You know, I just, I lost it.

604

:

I'm like, why didn't I pass this?

605

:

I don't understand.

606

:

This is ridiculous.

607

:

I, and everyone, you know, my boss

was like, it's fine, it's fine.

608

:

It doesn't matter.

609

:

You know, we know you're really good

at your job and things like that.

610

:

And you know, I've had that whole time

that every time this has happened, I

611

:

get that straight back on the emails.

612

:

How have I, you know, how did I do

so bad and rah, rah, rah, rah, rah.

613

:

And now I'm like, Oh, hang on.

614

:

Just remember that this is.

615

:

This is RSD, you know, I, I was talking

with my boss just before I move.

616

:

I've moved jobs about three months ago

now into an amazing, incredible job.

617

:

I was talking to my

boss just before I left.

618

:

And I said, it's funny because I'll

send you this annoying email going,

619

:

I can't believe I failed this and

then, you know, an hour later I'll

620

:

be like, oh, don't worry about it.

621

:

It's fine.

622

:

And you know, he got used to it

cause he knew just to wait until.

623

:

You know, I come back to him before he

actually said anything if I actually

624

:

genuinely was upset with it or if

I just had that emotional reaction.

625

:

So yeah, it's, yeah, it's

affected all means of my life.

626

:

It's really interesting though to hear

someone else talk about it because I

627

:

was actually thinking of my daughter

when you were talking because I

628

:

always say to my husband, so she's

only, she's about to turn eight.

629

:

And one of my good friends is

the teacher's aid in her grade.

630

:

So I actually have a

outsider's point of view.

631

:

That's a friend of mine that I trust.

632

:

And then I get the actual version of

events from Gigi and Gigi's version

633

:

of events all the time is just.

634

:

She will talk negatively about two

particular girls who are both alpha

635

:

females, and she's an alpha female.

636

:

So she can't handle it, right?

637

:

She can't handle anyone that's telling

her what to do when she's the boss.

638

:

And, Anyway, it's interesting because

I'll mention to my friend, Oh, Gigi's

639

:

having a hard time because of this

and this, and she'll be like, That's

640

:

really funny that you say that because

she plays with this girl and this

641

:

girl and this girl all lunchtime.

642

:

She played soccer today.

643

:

She had the time of her life, but all

I hear is these negative interactions,

644

:

but often they're extremely small and

the school is really good because when

645

:

they sit her down in this little empathy

circle that they do, the other girl

646

:

either has no memory of this occurring

or it's so small they barely remember

647

:

it and they're not affected by it.

648

:

But for Gigi, it so consumes

her, she can't learn.

649

:

It sounds like RSD, which is, I actually

was looking up like negative cognitive

650

:

bias and all of these psych terms, and

now I'm like, this just sounds like RSD.

651

:

And I look back now and I see

that my eldest daughter, and now

652

:

that I'm more educated, I'm able

to handle my eldest daughter.

653

:

My eldest daughter has RSD quite badly.

654

:

She's basically me, modified.

655

:

So, I can now handle her emotional

deregulation better as a parent

656

:

than when she was little.

657

:

Cause, you know, she still had,

she called me the other day.

658

:

She was supposed to go vote.

659

:

She's in Sydney and, but her

address is still here in Brisbane.

660

:

And she didn't know where to

go and she's freaking out.

661

:

And I'm like, right, hang on.

662

:

And she's like, I just can't do it.

663

:

I can't do it.

664

:

It was 11 o'clock in the morning.

665

:

She had all day.

666

:

So.

667

:

Normally I would, I would go up with

her, so I'd be up here going, I don't,

668

:

you know, but I was able to stay

down and, and sort it out for her.

669

:

And, you know, I sent her a couple of

links to where she needed to go and.

670

:

It all worked out.

671

:

But if that had happened a few

years back, we both would have just

672

:

been completely all over the place.

673

:

And, you know, we can't do this,

it's just impossible, but she had the

674

:

same thing with girls in her grade.

675

:

So a lot of, she's an alpha male,

she'll, alpha male, she's an alpha

676

:

female, always will be an alpha female.

677

:

And she's the same in class,

you know, she'd have these

678

:

tiny little bits with girls.

679

:

And then I'd go to the parents

and go, your kid said this

680

:

about my kid and rah, rah, rah.

681

:

They're like, I don't, I

don't think that happened.

682

:

And yeah, again, you know, it just

caused so much disharmony between people.

683

:

I think they stopped wanting to be around

us because it, you know, I was very

684

:

defensive when it come to my daughter and

I was, I was lucky that I did have a few

685

:

people in my life that understood us, but

in general, yeah, we, we did struggle.

686

:

Both of us trying to maintain friendships,

even to this day, I still, I have a very,

687

:

I have a lot of friends, but I only have

a couple of really close people that I'm

688

:

bonded with and they just understand.

689

:

I think we're all the same.

690

:

I think we all congregate together for a

reason because we understand each other.

691

:

Yeah, it's, it, well, yeah, you're

probably neurodiverse all of you

692

:

together, which I tend to hang out

with neurodiverse people as well.

693

:

That's right.

694

:

We say, you know, we mean it in a funny

way, but you know, crazy loves crazy.

695

:

So.

696

:

One of us will, you know, we've got a

tribe, so we've got a tribe around us.

697

:

So my, my best friend, she's actually

a foster parent and she's got seven

698

:

children around her at all times and

a lot of them are on the spectrum.

699

:

She actually diagnosed my youngest

down to the T of exactly what she had.

700

:

She knew everything and I, I disagreed

with her and she's like, no, I know.

701

:

And yeah, doctors proved her right.

702

:

So she likes to tell me that

she told me so, but she's got a.

703

:

10 year old foster son and my 11 year old

and him, they're like two peas in a pod.

704

:

They've got the same autistic

interests and things like that.

705

:

So Sienna doesn't, my youngest Sienna, she

doesn't have a lot of friends at school

706

:

cause she doesn't relate to people her

own age and you know, we're trying to

707

:

get through that struggle at the moment,

but out of school, she's got, you know,

708

:

a couple of kids that are just like her

and she can go off and do her own thing.

709

:

So I've really mellowed a lot

with her and found her a tribe

710

:

that she can go and be with.

711

:

Which has been a real blessing for her.

712

:

Whereas I don't try and push

the friendships at school, where

713

:

I did with my oldest Maddie.

714

:

I, you know, I took her to school

things to try and push the friendships.

715

:

But with Sienna, I can see that she's a

bit different and she's happy being in the

716

:

library with the librarians in lunchtime

and has her friends out of school.

717

:

So she's quite a, she goes to

high school next year though.

718

:

So that'll be a whole new thing.

719

:

A mum told me about a year ago, I

thought it was really good advice.

720

:

She said to me, You want to spread

out the friendships with girls,

721

:

particularly, and she's not, this

is just her perspective, right?

722

:

This is just her as a mum.

723

:

She's got two girls.

724

:

And she said to me, you know,

if you're going to join Nippers,

725

:

join, don't join the one that's

attached to the public school, if

726

:

you're at the local public school.

727

:

Join the one the suburb over.

728

:

If you're going to join netball or

hockey, go to the one that's a little

729

:

bit further, because if a fallout

happens at school, it won't consume them,

730

:

because they'll have other friendships.

731

:

But if everywhere you go,

those same kids are there, It's

732

:

so triggering for the child.

733

:

I thought that was really great

advice because their out of

734

:

school friendships can be really

important to break up the intensity.

735

:

Absolutely.

736

:

So my eldest daughter did all

star cheerleading for eight years.

737

:

So when we were having issues at school,

she had her, what we call her cheer

738

:

friends, which were, we call it a family.

739

:

It was a cheer family.

740

:

So she, you know, she had

those two different worlds.

741

:

And that, you know, thinking that

way, that worked really well because,

742

:

you know, if she didn't have someone

here, she had someone over there.

743

:

So that was always really great for her.

744

:

So yeah, that is really true that,

yeah, don't try and mix school and

745

:

well, you know, I think about it too.

746

:

I don't, I mean, I've started a new

job, but I don't generally have a

747

:

lot of friends that I work with.

748

:

Like they're, they're coworkers and

things like that, but I don't generally

749

:

hang out with them out of work.

750

:

I've got my friends.

751

:

Thanks.

752

:

That understand me and understand

my quirks and things like that.

753

:

So that's how I put it to

my youngest daughter that.

754

:

You know, she, she's going through a real,

she, she's probably got a little bit of

755

:

RSD at the moment where she's feeling a

bit rejected by the girls at school and

756

:

she's not understanding why they don't

want to like the things that she likes.

757

:

You know, I'm trying to explain that,

you know, sometimes the things that you

758

:

like aren't exactly what the normal.

759

:

You know, 12 year old girl will like so,

you know, you've just got to find your

760

:

right people and you found them out of

work, out of school, you know, I don't

761

:

talk to people at work, out of work often.

762

:

So it's the same type of deal.

763

:

So I'm trying to get

her through with that.

764

:

But she doesn't have the RSD side as heart

bad as what my eldest daughter and I do.

765

:

And I do wonder if maybe I push the

RSD on my daughter with the way that

766

:

I would Transcribed React when she

was little so that she then felt that

767

:

impulsiveness that I was feeling,

you know, just thinking about it

768

:

now out loud, you know, I probably

did and I'm trying to sort of change

769

:

that now, but she has a lot of that.

770

:

I don't have any friends and you know,

this is happening and it's not fair.

771

:

So I can see a lot of me and

her now that I'm diagnosed

772

:

and I'm educating myself more.

773

:

So that's been really, that's a bit

tough for me that I've put something

774

:

on my kids because I never wanted

to do that because I always felt it.

775

:

That's what happened to me as a child.

776

:

I didn't get that type of privilege

where I could give my kids everything.

777

:

That didn't make any sense.

778

:

I, I didn't get a lot as a child, so

I try to give everything to my kids.

779

:

And yeah, I look now and think, wow, I did

put a lot on my daughter, unfortunately.

780

:

And yeah, it was really due to.

781

:

Undiagnosis and education, you know, even

with, without the diagnosis beforehand,

782

:

I had already started looking things up,

but the RSD never came up until yeah,

783

:

earlier this year, I just, I was reading

up on something and the words came up

784

:

and it just, it, yeah, blew my mind.

785

:

I'm like going through, I'm

like, Oh yeah, that makes sense.

786

:

That makes sense.

787

:

That makes sense.

788

:

And it's just those overwhelming

feelings that, you know, you're

789

:

not wanted and everybody hates you.

790

:

And it's just.

791

:

It's a horrible feeling to have, and you

do, I, you know, I went through a stage a

792

:

few years back where I just stayed home.

793

:

This is when I was quite overweight.

794

:

I didn't go anywhere.

795

:

I didn't want to see anybody.

796

:

Because I didn't want to be rejected

all the time, because that's how I felt.

797

:

I was gonna go somewhere and do something.

798

:

They were just going to, you know, not

want to be near me or I didn't even

799

:

try for new jobs until this year due

to that fear of not getting it because

800

:

I get so overwhelmed and upset that I

just didn't even want to apply for jobs.

801

:

So I stayed in the same role for 15

years, even though everybody there said,

802

:

Oh, you know, I needed more because.

803

:

I love the job, I just, I needed more

out of my life, but I was too scared

804

:

of rejection to go forward with it.

805

:

It wasn't until I got a bit of a mentor

last year and she really helped me

806

:

through and helped me start applying

and push me to apply for things.

807

:

And even when I did get rejected on

those roles, like I still get upset,

808

:

but I just had to realize, you know,

there's something out there for me.

809

:

I'll get there.

810

:

I just, you know, you need more time

instead of before I would just be,

811

:

I would, you know, I'd go into this.

812

:

Big depression for weeks

on end feeling worthless.

813

:

So, you know, I, when I finally got

the role I've got now, you know, I

814

:

felt, you know, grateful that I finally

found my feet and where I'm going,

815

:

but I could have done this years ago

and I didn't because I was too scared

816

:

because I didn't want to be rejected

and feel stupid and that's how I felt

817

:

my whole life that, you know, I didn't.

818

:

You know, even school exams back when you

were in high school, I didn't even do half

819

:

of my exams because I thought I'd fail.

820

:

So I may as well just fail.

821

:

So why, why go and do these exams

when, you know, it doesn't, you know,

822

:

you're not getting anything out of it

because you're just going to fail it.

823

:

So yeah, it consumed my whole life.

824

:

It's very upsetting now when I

look back that I've got to 41,

825

:

I'm only now starting a career.

826

:

All my managers are younger than me and

I feel influenced by them and I'm like,

827

:

hang on this, also they're in their 30s

and I'm in my 40s and you know, I've

828

:

just got to remember that, you know, I'm

still young, I'm 40, 41 and I've still

829

:

got a long time left, but it's just

all those years and you've got to, I

830

:

think you've got to sit down and really.

831

:

And this is what I'm trying to do in

my life at the moment is, is mourn

832

:

that, mourn what could have been.

833

:

And that's what I've been going

through the last few months.

834

:

It's just mourning the life I could have

had, the people that I've let go of my

835

:

life that, you know, maybe I, I shouldn't

have all because I wasn't diagnosed

836

:

with something that I could have been

as a child and really got the help for.

837

:

So that's been really tough this year.

838

:

A lot of people, a lot of

women that I interview talk

839

:

about unfulfilled potential.

840

:

Is, is really the thing that comes up.

841

:

It's, and some of them are successful,

you know, they're, they're not, they're

842

:

nothing to say that they haven't done

well, they have done well, but for them

843

:

with what they know they could have

achieved and the people around them

844

:

watching them go higher or, or get a, get

a different path that they could have had.

845

:

That kind of seems to be a lot of

the grieving is that it's not that

846

:

they're not successful, that it

just, they could have been more.

847

:

Yeah, I feel the same.

848

:

Like, it's not that I haven't been

unsuccessful, I've owned a home, you know?

849

:

I've traveled the world, you know, my

children have everything they could

850

:

possibly ever want in their lives,

but it's still that extra part where

851

:

you're like, I could have, I could

have done more with my, you know, I

852

:

could have felt, I could have been

so much more and I could have given

853

:

more to the world like I am now.

854

:

And I'm, I work for Aboriginal

Torres Strait Islander housing

855

:

and in their projects team.

856

:

And I absolutely love it.

857

:

I'm, you know, I'm down low.

858

:

But they know that I want more so

they give me more and I'm, I'm very

859

:

blessed that they're very, I'm very

open about my ADHD there and how I

860

:

communicate and things like that.

861

:

So I'm very, very lucky to be in a

role where they're really open and

862

:

honest and, and I'm just grateful that

they, you know, they know that I'm,

863

:

I'm better than the role that I'm in.

864

:

I needed a stepping stone.

865

:

So I'm just grateful that I'm, I'm making

that opportunities happen for myself now.

866

:

But if you had have told me two

years ago, I would still be stuck

867

:

at my old job, just doing the same

thing day in, day out and hating it.

868

:

So it, it sounds similar again in

the themes of the other women that

869

:

I interview in terms of awareness,

like being diagnosis in my mind,

870

:

aside from medication, one of the

largest major advantages is awareness

871

:

of who you are and how you operate.

872

:

Do you think it's the internal awareness

or do you communicate the awareness?

873

:

Like how does, how have you managed

to Um, or positively manage your RSD.

874

:

It's probably a bit of both.

875

:

So I can, I think living on my own

has really helped because before

876

:

there was somebody already there

and I would just verbal it straight

877

:

out that what, you know, the RSD

was doing and, you know, it'd be all

878

:

negative and horrible and just ruin

everything, but now that I'm by myself.

879

:

I can take a minute and go, hang

on, why am I feeling so overwhelmed?

880

:

And then I'll, you know, I'll either

leave it because it doesn't matter, or

881

:

I'll go, oh, hang on, maybe it's a little

bit more, or I'll, I'll tell people.

882

:

I'm pretty good at telling people,

like, I had to, I got some bad feedback

883

:

earlier in the year from my boss.

884

:

I wasn't in a great place that day

to begin with, but I really took

885

:

it really badly, and I just had to

say to her, I said, it's actually

886

:

not you, you're not actually doing

anything wrong, it's just my emotions.

887

:

I can't control this at this moment.

888

:

I said, you know, don't feel like

you're doing anything wrong by giving

889

:

me bad feedback because I can take it.

890

:

It's just that I need to have this

moment in this moment, unfortunately.

891

:

So I'm pretty good.

892

:

I'm very open about it.

893

:

If I'm having one of those moments,

I'll tell people, just give me a second.

894

:

I need a moment and I'll, you

know, I'll either walk off.

895

:

So I'm more self aware

than I've ever been.

896

:

I mean, it's still slow process.

897

:

It's only been probably the last six

months that I've really started to.

898

:

Understand RSD and really work it.

899

:

And DBT is just phenomenal for that.

900

:

I'm very blessed that my psychologist

was able to do that one on one with me.

901

:

She's amazing, but that, yeah, just

stopping and just breathing for a second

902

:

and, you know, giving myself that moment

to whether or not, which way I'm going

903

:

to go, but I think, I think telling

people makes people more accepting.

904

:

So, you know, in the past,

people just think I was, as I

905

:

said, as a kid, I was emotional.

906

:

No, I just felt rejected and,

you know, that was my feelings.

907

:

It wasn't somebody else's feelings and

it didn't mean that anyone was doing

908

:

anything wrong because they weren't.

909

:

It's just.

910

:

How I felt, but I didn't know

that at the time and now I do.

911

:

So it's, yeah, it's really, it's a

difficult one to, to process and it,

912

:

and it's still, you know, a lot of

people don't understand it in my life

913

:

and that's okay, I try to educate

as much as I can, that this is just

914

:

who I am or who my children are.

915

:

Sometimes we can't, can't

control it, but no one's perfect.

916

:

And there is going to be times

where I don't, and all I can do is

917

:

just say, look, this is what it is.

918

:

I'm putting a label on it, I

can apologize, but I can't, I

919

:

physically can't take things back.

920

:

So it is what it is, I guess for

me, I'm, yeah, if you can't accept

921

:

that part of me, then I can't

really have people in my life.

922

:

And I've, I have removed a significant

amount of people out of my life recently,

923

:

even, you know, you do your Facebook

and like I did a massive cold cause

924

:

I was just like, I don't actually

need these people around before.

925

:

I was like, Oh, I have this many

friends on social media and la da,

926

:

because to me that was a dopamine hit.

927

:

But now.

928

:

I just don't need it.

929

:

I don't need all these people knowing

things about my life and, you know,

930

:

I just want to keep my, my, my circle

how it is and small and, you know,

931

:

talking to those that genuinely.

932

:

Want good for me and my children.

933

:

So that's yeah, I think I

went on a whole journey there.

934

:

Oh, no, I loved it I was gonna ask you

one more burning one and then we'll

935

:

finish up I wanted to ask you if you

start to feel the sensations of the RSD

936

:

coming on like let's say you receive a

message you Get a phone call something

937

:

happens And you start to feel it.

938

:

Let's say this is best

case scenario, right?

939

:

Like I understand good days, bad

days, you can't always be perfect.

940

:

In that, what would be the best

case scenario for you for like for

941

:

someone listening who might want

to work towards, you know, making

942

:

some changes in RSD for them?

943

:

What could you recommend doing?

944

:

I think if you can, and sometimes

it's hard in the moment, but

945

:

it's just to take a breath.

946

:

And I know people say that all

the time, Oh, just deep breathe.

947

:

And my daughter hates it.

948

:

She hates being told to breathe.

949

:

She just wants to punch people pretty

much when someone tells her to breathe.

950

:

So I think if you can just step away from

the moment and if you're in a place, it's

951

:

just to write down how you're feeling.

952

:

This is what my psychologist

said to me because when I have

953

:

that overwhelming feeling.

954

:

I need to get, I have to

get it out of my head.

955

:

It can't stay up here.

956

:

So I'm either going to

verbalize it or send a message

957

:

or do something to somebody.

958

:

But what I do now is, I write it down.

959

:

This is where I do use

my notes on my phone.

960

:

So I write it, instead of writing it

as a text message and verbal diarrhoea

961

:

ing to somebody, I just write it in my

notes, at least then it's out of my head.

962

:

And hopefully by then, and I've got

through it, I can realize the process

963

:

that hang on and that even if I do need

to send it, what I've been doing now

964

:

is I'll write it all out in my notes

and then I go through and I actually

965

:

go, Oh, that doesn't need to be said.

966

:

And I remove it.

967

:

That doesn't need to be said.

968

:

And I remove it because I like to,

when I tell a story, it's got a

969

:

backstory to the backstory to the

backstory of why I am where I am.

970

:

So, and I, I do that, I, I, pardon

me, I was doing that at work as well,

971

:

and it wasn't until one of the ladies

at work said, we don't need a novel,

972

:

we just need, we need this, not this.

973

:

Like, you know, you need

smaller, not bigger.

974

:

So it's, so it's me, it's, you know,

I have to, I have to backspace my

975

:

life is pretty much what I say.

976

:

So, you know, I've just got to

delete the words that don't.

977

:

Does it matter to the story?

978

:

And my psychologist actually said to

me, instead of writing a paragraph, dot

979

:

point, so I, I dot point, you know, down

the things and then I'll, you know, go

980

:

up and go, okay, that doesn't matter.

981

:

That doesn't matter before I'll send

things through 90 percent of the time.

982

:

I've got really good at it.

983

:

If I'm really overwhelmed.

984

:

No, it just goes out as verbal diary.

985

:

You know, I had that this week.

986

:

I just, I got overwhelmed this

week and verbal diary it out.

987

:

Shouldn't have.

988

:

Yeah.

989

:

But I can't take it back, you

know, I'll come, you know, I've,

990

:

I've left that parked it for

now and I'll come back to it.

991

:

You know, I like to concentrate

on work during the week.

992

:

I'll come back to it on the weekend and

go, okay, this is where I went wrong

993

:

and data, data, data, and sort that out.

994

:

But for now I'm just

leaving it where it is.

995

:

So yeah, it's a, it's, it's always

going to be there and it's always in the

996

:

back of your head so you, you can, if

you can feel it and I've been blessed

997

:

now that I can feel it coming, that

I can start learning to control it.

998

:

But it doesn't always work.

999

:

But yeah, taking that step back and trying

to, yeah, write it down or walk away from

:

00:47:34,470 --> 00:47:36,330

the situation is probably the best part.

:

00:47:36,340 --> 00:47:39,470

It's not always possible, especially if

you're dealing with another person with

:

00:47:39,470 --> 00:47:42,370

ADHD and you're just going backwards

and forwards and getting nowhere.

:

00:47:42,370 --> 00:47:43,060

That's.

:

00:47:43,460 --> 00:47:46,200

It's not always pleasant, but

in general, yeah, I would just

:

00:47:46,340 --> 00:47:48,250

try and take a second to myself.

:

00:47:48,660 --> 00:47:49,650

I do the breathing.

:

00:47:49,660 --> 00:47:53,700

My kid hates it, but I like it because

it just gives me that minute to stop.

:

00:47:53,980 --> 00:47:54,270

Yeah.

:

00:47:54,270 --> 00:47:54,660

Okay.

:

00:47:54,730 --> 00:47:55,100

Okay.

:

00:47:55,390 --> 00:47:56,880

Look, that's, that's great advice.

:

00:47:56,880 --> 00:48:00,690

And I think you've come such a long way,

particularly with the food as well, which

:

00:48:00,690 --> 00:48:05,370

we talked about earlier and also the

RSD and you know, having two girls with

:

00:48:05,370 --> 00:48:08,840

ADHD, ASD is, you know, a ride in itself.

:

00:48:09,210 --> 00:48:11,020

So I think you're doing an incredible job.

:

00:48:11,030 --> 00:48:12,620

Thank you so much for sharing your story.

:

00:48:12,975 --> 00:48:13,505

Thank you.

:

00:48:13,565 --> 00:48:14,295

I appreciate it.

:

00:48:14,295 --> 00:48:14,935

No, it's been good.

:

00:48:14,975 --> 00:48:18,585

Yeah, I'm, I'm, I feel lucky to have

ADHD to be honest, because I can.

:

00:48:19,050 --> 00:48:20,950

I use it in my work.

:

00:48:20,950 --> 00:48:23,830

I found a job where I can have

a lot of things on the go.

:

00:48:23,890 --> 00:48:26,960

So I'm really blessed that it's

my, we call it, and the lady,

:

00:48:27,630 --> 00:48:31,010

the person I work with, they say,

you know, it's our superpower,

:

00:48:31,580 --> 00:48:34,400

so let's use it to our benefit.

:

00:48:34,420 --> 00:48:36,240

And so we can incorporate

that in our work.

:

00:48:36,240 --> 00:48:38,330

And that's what I've

tried to teach my kids.

:

00:48:38,330 --> 00:48:39,080

Find a job.

:

00:48:39,645 --> 00:48:44,505

That you can incorporate what people

would see as a, you know, a negative,

:

00:48:44,875 --> 00:48:46,205

turn it around and make it a positive.

:

00:48:46,205 --> 00:48:49,005

And that's what I'm trying to

do now and just use it for good.

:

00:48:49,505 --> 00:48:53,055

Yeah, we actually had a session with

our psychologist that comes over.

:

00:48:53,435 --> 00:48:54,695

He's mobile, thank God for him.

:

00:48:55,095 --> 00:48:56,625

And he does kids and everybody.

:

00:48:56,655 --> 00:48:57,265

He's great.

:

00:48:57,265 --> 00:48:58,565

He's a busy man on those days.

:

00:48:58,935 --> 00:49:02,075

But he came over and he had a chat

with my husband and I yesterday.

:

00:49:02,085 --> 00:49:05,875

It was really interesting because he

said with my kids, and I assume this

:

00:49:05,875 --> 00:49:07,850

would be his blanket for any kid, Right?

:

00:49:08,260 --> 00:49:11,660

You want to embrace their strengths

and celebrate who they are, and then

:

00:49:11,660 --> 00:49:15,720

try and cradle the world that can

be in a way that can accept them.

:

00:49:15,780 --> 00:49:18,390

And that's absolutely what we

have the freedom to do as adults.

:

00:49:18,850 --> 00:49:23,310

We can find a job that suits, we can

find a lifestyle that suits, but when

:

00:49:23,310 --> 00:49:27,180

you're in a schooling system, that

can be a really hard thing to navigate

:

00:49:27,180 --> 00:49:29,830

because the box is pretty inflexible.

:

00:49:30,290 --> 00:49:34,170

So we were talking about how we

can get them to embrace their

:

00:49:34,170 --> 00:49:39,325

strengths, but still survive in the

box that is school, it's a hard one.

:

00:49:39,615 --> 00:49:40,445

That is a hard one.

:

00:49:40,445 --> 00:49:43,285

And that's probably a whole

other kettle of fish on its own.

:

00:49:43,315 --> 00:49:45,465

There is just the, yeah, education.

:

00:49:45,855 --> 00:49:49,355

I mean, we're lucky that my daughter's

school is quite small, so she has a

:

00:49:49,355 --> 00:49:51,125

really great network to be able to.

:

00:49:51,695 --> 00:49:54,455

Do what she needs to do, but my

eldest daughter did not have that.

:

00:49:54,485 --> 00:49:58,345

And she was highly intelligent

and bored out of her brain.

:

00:49:58,385 --> 00:50:02,004

So at ADHD, it just wasn't great.

:

00:50:02,285 --> 00:50:03,355

She ended up homeschooling.

:

00:50:03,385 --> 00:50:04,045

That's a whole year.

:

00:50:04,275 --> 00:50:07,925

So, because it just, yeah, I've

opened up the schooling box.

:

00:50:07,925 --> 00:50:08,615

Sorry, Tammy.

:

00:50:08,645 --> 00:50:12,575

But I just was, when you were talking

about embracing who you are and using it.

:

00:50:13,100 --> 00:50:17,070

I was just like, yes, the world, the

world should be friendly enough for

:

00:50:17,080 --> 00:50:20,830

everybody to embrace their strengths,

neuro typical, neuro diverse.

:

00:50:21,820 --> 00:50:26,800

Why can't we create a environment that

suits everybody from any race, gender,

:

00:50:27,210 --> 00:50:30,600

ethnicity, like all, like what, why can't

we, anyway, whole nother thing, Tammy.

:

00:50:31,060 --> 00:50:34,030

Let's finish up because I'm going

to try and keep under an hour, but

:

00:50:34,030 --> 00:50:35,190

thank you so much for your time.

:

00:50:35,190 --> 00:50:36,020

You've been so good.

:

00:50:36,100 --> 00:50:37,790

I really appreciate how

open and honest you've been.

:

00:50:38,380 --> 00:50:38,950

Thank you.

:

00:50:39,020 --> 00:50:40,050

I appreciate your time.

:

00:50:40,840 --> 00:50:41,230

Okay.

:

00:50:41,230 --> 00:50:44,970

And for anyone listening, if you love

this episode, please go and give a

:

00:50:44,970 --> 00:50:47,150

review on Spotify or Apple podcasts.

:

00:50:47,760 --> 00:50:50,550

The reason that I ask is that

it makes it easier for people to

:

00:50:50,550 --> 00:50:51,740

find the podcast in Australia.

:

00:50:51,740 --> 00:50:55,270

So the more ratings it's got, the

higher it comes up on the list.

:

00:50:55,660 --> 00:50:59,350

The reason why I say that is because

we've still got a lot of UK and US

:

00:50:59,380 --> 00:51:00,910

podcasts coming in over the top.

:

00:51:01,210 --> 00:51:03,980

And then I hear people say to me,

Oh, I didn't know that you existed

:

00:51:03,980 --> 00:51:07,080

because I've been listening to

all of the ones internationally.

:

00:51:07,400 --> 00:51:08,360

Nothing wrong with them.

:

00:51:08,360 --> 00:51:11,250

Don't get me wrong, but I think

Australians, there's something

:

00:51:11,250 --> 00:51:15,090

special about hearing from Australian

women about Australian women.

:

00:51:15,120 --> 00:51:16,920

So I really want to get

that message out there.

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