On this episode of The ADHD Mums Podcast, Jane is joined by Tammie to discuss her journey of receiving a late-stage ADHD diagnosis at the age of 40.

Tammie shares her experiences with different medications, highlighting the positive impact of Dexamphetamine and the challenges she faced with Vyvanse, as well as how Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) became instrumental in managing her ADHD-related struggles.

Tammie shares on how Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria has impacted her life and how she manages it day to day.

Hello and welcome to

the ADHD Mums podcast.

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I am back and I just started to feel

like it had been a while and I realized

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that it had been September school

holidays and then I had a recovery

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phase after that, which was needed and

we've kind of jumped straight back in.

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Who we've got today is we have

a personal share on RSD, which

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is something that a lot of us.

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I've got in my own episode out

on RSD and a share that I did at

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work that backfired completely.

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I think I actually cried

during the podcast.

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It's one of the ones I always

talk about taking down.

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And, but it's also, I've

received a lot of DMS about it.

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And I thought.

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Gee, people are relating to this.

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This is a podcast that's

about relatability.

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So I've brought in somebody who's

offered to share about how that

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is, has impacted their life.

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So Tammy Ray was diagnosed with ADHD at

40 years old, which was one year ago.

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She has two daughters with ADHD

and ASD and she grew up with

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brothers diagnosed ADHD as children.

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Tammy uses photography in a

way to express her creativity.

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And she has had a really up and down

roller coaster ride, I suppose with

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late stage diagnosis and dealing

with how that's impacted her.

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So welcome to you, Tammy.

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Thank you.

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Thanks for having me, Jane.

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I'm excited.

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So I picked up Sammy from a Facebook

ADHD Mums group that I like to sit

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in and commentate, ask questions,

and it's just always interesting.

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And Tammy responded and said that

she'd be willing or interested.

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to share her story.

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Can you tell us a little bit about

why you were interested in, you

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know, you even responded to the

Facebook post in the beginning.

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I guess with ADHD, it's becoming

such a high topic now that

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I like to share my story.

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I'm very open, very honest

about My struggle with ADHD,

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things that I've put in place.

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So I just want to, I guess, share a

few things that I've been through,

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things that affected my life, my

children's life, my whole family really.

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So yeah, I like to be an open book and

it's, I guess it's just one of those

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things that it's come to me so late

for myself, but I know so much about

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ADHD that I really just wanted to.

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Show up from a different perspective.

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Yeah, beautiful.

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Okay.

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So do you want to give us a little bit

of an overview on you know What was

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your life like up until your diagnosis?

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How did all that, you know kind of happen?

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I'm everyone always wants to know kind

of our stories around that Yeah, I guess

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as you said in my intro I grew up with

brothers with ADHD, especially my younger

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brother He was diagnosed in the 80s at

about four or five Even back then, my

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mum had a lot of struggles trying to

get him, you know, the, the help that

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he needed throughout his, his life.

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But me being, I guess, I was able

to go to school and concentrate.

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I was sort of left behind.

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Yet, now that you see all these

other things with RSD and, you know,

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being inattentive and all those

things, you're just like, oh, wow.

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So, you know, I've been

through that with my life.

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When my eldest daughter, who's about

to turn 20, was about five, I saw

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it in her and I knew straight away.

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You've got ADHD and we got her, you

know, we went through that process

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with her and hers was really simple.

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It wasn't until my youngest who

is about to turn 12 was diagnosed

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and I knew she was autistic.

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I, you know, that's just what it was.

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But when the pediatrician said, oh, she's

ADHD as well, I sort of went back at him

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and said, no, no, no, she can concentrate.

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She sits in class.

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Okay.

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And he's like, no, no, no,

look at all these other things.

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And, you know, it got me

thinking, well, that's me.

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That's what I do.

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So I went on this bit of a path that like,

oh, hang on, maybe, maybe I'm the same.

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And one of my closest friends,

she's not diagnosed, but she,

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every time she sees me, she's

like, oh my God, you were so ADHD.

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Can you please go and get tested?

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So, you know, I've sort of lived

with it my whole life without.

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And the last 12 months for an adult

with ADHD has been such an education.

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I've been really blessed to know

so much about childhood ADHD and

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how to manage things around that.

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But yeah, coming into adulthood and

trying to figure out myself as being

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complex, so yeah, that's pretty much

where I'm at with it at the moment.

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I'm just, I'm still educating myself

and trying to figure out where I am.

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I was very blessed with my diagnosis.

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I have been through a lot.

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I had an ex husband from the military

who ended up becoming a narcissist.

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So, you know, I had to deal with

that with rejection sensitivity

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disorder, which wasn't very pleasant.

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And then I've been seeing the same GP

for about, since my youngest was born.

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So about 12 years, I've

been seeing her and it was.

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I got into a new relationship about

two years ago and he started really

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going, this is just not right.

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This is just not right.

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There's something wrong.

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You need to go talk to your doctor.

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So, you know, I've gone in there

and we had a chat about ADHD

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and she goes, you know what?

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You meet every single category.

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I was very blessed then to get

straight through to her psychiatrist

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who was about to retire and he took

one look at me and my family history

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and I didn't have to do any testing.

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I was really lucky that.

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We went straight into diagnosis

and straight into medication.

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He, you know, he could see from my

whole family history and everything.

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So, for that side of it I was really,

I was really blessed that I, I

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didn't spend thousands and thousands

because of my massive family history.

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And the fact that I had the same GP, the

same psychologist, they were able to, Get

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all the information and just be able to

straight away go bang, yeah, you're right.

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Okay, so are you still on medication?

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Like how has that journey been?

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People always want to know about, you

know, what you've tried and how it went.

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So with my children, I sort of knew

what did and didn't work with them.

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So I sort of went straight away to the,

you know, concert is not going to work.

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This isn't going to work.

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So I went straight to Dex

and it was incredible.

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Just straight away.

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I was like, Oh my goodness,

the voices have gone.

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I can concentrate.

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I can sit.

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I'm not stressed about every little tiny

aspect of my, my life at the moment.

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And I, and we did that for a

month and it was really great.

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I would, I take three tablets in the

morning and took my lunchtime, which gets

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me through the day and it was really good.

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But then the doctor's like, I

really want you to try Vyvanse.

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Went on Vyvanse and it was horrendous.

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It actually destroyed my

relationship in the end.

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The come downs at the end of the day

were horrendous for me as a person.

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I know it's worked, I have a co worker

who Vyvanse is amazing for her, but for me

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personally it was those come downs at the

end of the day that were just horrific.

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I was a complete mess.

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So I went back to the doctor

and we went back to Dex.

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With that as well, I, I have

PMDD as well I'm assuming.

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I, you know, that's from what I've

read and how I feel about myself.

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I was noticing that week before

my period was due was just,

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don't be near me, I'd stay away.

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So I actually went on a low dose of Zoloft

as well, so my doctor put me on that.

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We were just going to do it for the week

of the period to see if that would help.

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It ended up being really good

that it's mellowed me enough every

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day, so I take that as well now,

plus all the different vitamins,

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magnesium, fish oil, all those things.

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My next step is to work on

my diet and try and get that.

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So that it's, you know, I'm eating

foods that help the brain basically.

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So yeah, so Dex for me now, I don't think

I'll change, I'm quite happy where I am.

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It's, I was binge eating a lot.

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I, I work, you know, on computers

and I sit at a desk all day.

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So I was finding, I put on

30 kilos over the years.

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And Two years ago, I've lost

30 kilos in the last two years.

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First year.

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Wow.

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Congratulations.

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Oh my God.

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That's huge.

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Yeah, it's great.

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And being on decks has really, it

sort of not, not only does it, it

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doesn't take away my appetite as such,

but it stops me from binge eating.

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So I'm not sitting at my

desk all day and just eating.

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Crap all day.

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I'm actually at lunchtime.

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I'm like, Oh, I'm hungry now.

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I'll have lunch, have my medication

and that'll generally get me through.

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I mean, I still, I don't know about

many other people, but I have a

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really bad Coke zero addiction.

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My daughter finds it hilarious, sends me.

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You know, Tik Tok's about it all

the time and stuff, but that's my

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vice and I need to drink more water.

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So I need to figure out

how I'm going to do that.

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Oh, look, it's always a

stepping stone, isn't it?

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It sounds like you've done

incredibly well to find the

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right medication, get diagnosed.

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I mean, look how far you've come.

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You've lost, what did you say?

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30 kilos.

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Yes, I was only looking at a

photo the other day from 20 to

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now, and I'm like, wow, it's not

even the same person anymore.

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I'm hearing, you know, massive weight

loss as well, and I know that this

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is an RSD episode, but people will

want to hear this, that's for sure.

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How do you think that ADHD has

impacted your eating and then, you

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know, being from non medicated to

medicated, you know, do you think that

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was part of it or how did that work?

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Absolutely.

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So it, I was a massive binge eater.

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I would, anytime that I felt

any type of stress or anything.

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I need chocolate.

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I need this, I need that.

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And I would be straight into it.

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And it was, it was really out of control.

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So when I went on the decks, that was

actually the first thing I noticed

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was that I'd sit at my desk and

I'd get my work done, but I wasn't.

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Um, opening the drawer for a snack

or, or whatever was next to me.

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So when I, when my brain

was like, Oh, you're hungry.

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I actually would just go and eat properly.

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So, you know, I'd have a salad for lunch

instead of going, ugh, I can't do this and

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race down to McDonald's and get whatever.

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So I've, I've found that it's,

it's helped me think first.

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Cause generally I'd get overwhelmed

and go, I can't do this.

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I'm just going to get

us takeout or whatever.

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So.

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It's just changing those little

things in my head that I can slow

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down and go, okay, I've got food here.

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I can eat that.

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And that's, that's what I find.

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I need, I actually need

to remember to eat.

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So before I take my meds in the

morning, I make sure I have.

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Something to eat.

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So I actually, you know, TikTok's

been so great for my diagnosis,

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but I pre make most of my meals.

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I, I live alone generally, my daughter

and I, she's 50, 50 with her dad and I.

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So I pre make a lot of meals and

have them in the freezer ready to go.

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I find that it's a really helpful

thing, especially in those

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nights when you're home alone and

you're just like, Oh, screw it.

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Uber Eats is so easy.

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I can just jump into the

freezer and grab something out.

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So, you know, I'll write a list every

second Sunday of things I want to

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eat during the week and I'll chuck

them in the freezer ready to go.

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So that's been really, you know, helpful.

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The medication really did.

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It's been a life changer

for my diet in that sense.

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You know, I have up and down moments where

I'm not doing great and I'll just be like,

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screw it and, you know, have a binge.

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But I think that's just

part and parcel of life.

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Instead of getting upset at

myself, I just, you know, have to

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go, okay, well, it is what it is.

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You make up for it.

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It's all good.

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So yeah.

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Yeah.

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Diet's been probably, yeah.

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One of the biggest changes in my life.

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And.

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You know, you're working from home a lot

and you finally go into the office after

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a while and people are like, holy, you've

got, you know, you're looking great.

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It's, you know, it's a, that's a

dopamine hit that you need for the day.

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So that's always a really nice thing.

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I really like going in and you

know, I like to op shop as well.

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So we, you know, I'll go find

something nice and new there and

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wear it to work and you know, you get

complimented on how you're looking.

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It's a really nice feeling.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Beautiful.

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There's a couple of things in that.

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I just wanted to pull apart what you

said because it's so interesting.

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In regards to the pre made meals, I

thought that was really interesting

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comment because I noticed, or I,

this is my opinion with ADHD, it's

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very difficult to actually break down

those steps because if you think about

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what it takes to buy the ingredients,

put together a recipe, cook it.

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Put it into containers

and put it into a freezer.

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Those are actually, there's a lot of

executive function in those steps.

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And I was wondering, is that because

of medication that you've been

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able to figure out how to do that?

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I think therapy.

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I do a lot of DBT, so

Diabetical Behaviour Therapy.

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I think that's been a real

game changer in my life.

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I find that I write lists.

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So, the medication helps me with the

fact when I'm up and I'm ready, if I've,

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and I can sit down and write a list.

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Generally, if I sit down, I turn

the TV on and I don't move, but if

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I'm medicated, I'll know I'll write

my list and then I'll, you know,

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start moving throughout the day.

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So it does help, but for me, from that

point of view, if I've got a list in

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front of me, just step by step, even if

I don't get through it all, I'm okay.

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But mine was more probably from

a therapy side than a medication

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side that has helped me because if

I don't get through it or I'm not

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stressed about it, it doesn't matter.

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But lists, I have lists everywhere.

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Everything's a list.

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My daughter's got lists,

checklists for school.

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I've got everything sorted.

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So even, even my medications

on a, on a list so that I can

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remember because I have, that's

something that I struggle with is.

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It's remembering things and doing things.

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I have to have it written down visually

so I can have it blaring in my face.

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So yeah, the, the list is, is my thing.

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So you know, I write what I want,

what I want to make, what I need to

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buy and you know, everything down.

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Do you just do it in an exercise books?

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Where do you put all your lists?

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How does that work?

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I can't do it on my phone because

you can hide your phone and I

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can hide my notepad in my phone.

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So I'm a paper person.

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I have notebooks everywhere.

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I've got one on my desk, one in

my work bag, you know, one in my

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car, one on the kitchen bench, one

sitting next to me, things like that.

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So I generally write

them down in notebooks.

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And then it's visual.

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I, I like to leave them on my

kitchen bench because when I walk

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through my door, my kitchen's right

there and I can see my, my to do.

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I've got one on there at the moment

of things that I need to finish

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my housework off for the week.

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So yeah, I am very, I'm very, very visual.

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I need it.

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It needs to be in my

face or it doesn't exist.

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Okay.

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Okay.

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Got it.

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And the other thing I was going to say

was in regards to, you know, how you

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were saying that when you get up and you

wanting to have lunch, You would actually

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make yourself proper food instead of like

snacking through the day or, you know,

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driving down to getting some take away.

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I was wondering again, is that the impact

of therapy or medication that you are

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able to slow down and actually make

the salad and then sit down and eat it?

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Or what do you think has changed there?

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It's probably, it'd be a bit of both.

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So the pre made things is

what really gets me going.

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So I spent, as I said before, I

spend every second Sunday doing

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up pre made, not only that though,

but I get lunch things ready.

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So like I've got a big bag of

carrots in the fridge that I've cut

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up and they're ready so I can just

take a few out instead of going to

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the other snack place and finding

just a packet of chips or whatever.

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I'll go there and grab

carrots and just some dip out.

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And that'll be my say morning

tea and things like that.

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So I, I have to be really strict on

myself to make sure that I do that.

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And it's a bit of both.

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It's some days I don't take my meds

on the weekend because I want to give

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my brain a little bit of a break.

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But when I know that that Sunday

that I need to get things done and

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I need to really focus, I make,

I take my medication that day.

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Cause it will.

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Help me focus to get all those

little items done for the day.

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And then it sets me up for the week

and I don't have that stress of

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going, Oh, what am I going to do?

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You know, even if you get home 15

minutes late, you're just stressed.

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But, you know, I've already got

everything pre made ready to go.

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So that Sunday is a really significant.

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It's the Sunday that

my daughter's not here.

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She's with her dad that I

just, yeah, smash out a heap of

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baking and things for myself.

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I've got, I've actually

got it on my phone.

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I've got an alarm.

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So like on a midday on that

Sunday, the alarm goes off and

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I know it's time to get moving.

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Yeah.

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That's just that little reminder.

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It doesn't come off.

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It stays on.

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Yeah, I do that for my medication as well.

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I fix my medication every Sunday into

my little container on Monday to Sunday.

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It goes off at 6 p.

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m.

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on a Sunday night and I know that it's

time to get up and get that organized.

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The other thing I wanted to

ask you about as well, because

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obviously you were diagnosed at 40

and you had, you know, a brother.

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Was it one brother or two brothers

that were diagnosed with ADHD as kids?

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I have one officially diagnosed, one

probably unofficial, my older brother

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is only my half brother so I didn't

technically grow up with him and we

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have different mums, but he's definitely

ADHD because I'm pretty certain our

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dad is as well, but my little brother,

yeah, he, he was, yeah, yeah, diagnosed

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around four or five, I believe.

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Yeah, so my mum went

through a lot through this.

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If he's had the benefit of being

diagnosed early and interventions and

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awareness and possibly medication,

like how do you think it's impacted

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your life not finding out and not

making these changes until you were 40?

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I did go through a time recently

where I was really hurt by my family.

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I just felt that, and even my brothers

actually apologised to me one night.

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Just saying he felt bad that he took

all of our parents time because they did

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put a lot of time into his diagnosis and

that and it's not his fault, it's not

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my parents fault, it just, that's life.

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But there was a little bit of resentment

there on, for my parents because I

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did always feel like I was left behind

and I had to fend for myself a lot

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of my life and, you know, get, you

know, it's, it's hard because I don't

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want my parents to feel like they're,

you know, they did wrong because they

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didn't really, they just didn't know.

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And, yeah, so there's been resentment

over the last couple of years of me

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going, you know, it's unfair that I got

to adulthood without anything, and I

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had to do it myself, and, you know, I've

got girls and I got them diagnosed young

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so that I could get them help and make

sure that they have the best lives that

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they can have, but I still, and even

till today, I still don't believe it.

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I've had the life that I could have had.

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I could have done so much more.

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I love my life and I, and I love

what I do for a living at the moment.

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It's all those what ifs.

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What if I could have went

to university and studied?

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Because my big issue is I

can't concentrate for too long.

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I can't, I need visual.

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I can't sit and listen.

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I need, I'm always writing and.

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Things like that, and it's just those

little things, and you're just like,

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Hmm, I could have been, you know,

there's just this little part of me

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that's like I could have been more.

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And yeah, I get a bit frustrated

with my family with that, but

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you know, it's not their fault.

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The 80s were a tough time, you know, girls

were never diagnosed with ADHD in the 80s.

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I don't, I don't know anybody that was.

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So, yeah, it's, yeah, it's tough, you

know, I was called an emotional child.

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You know, I cried, I still

cry a lot now, but, you know.

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I was just emotional.

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So I guess, you know, that

emotional, well, what was it?

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Now, now I know what it is, but

back then they're just like,

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Oh, you're just a sookie kid.

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I was a sookie kid.

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Yeah.

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It's funny though, because it's, it's

a great way of looking at it though,

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because even if your parents had have

taken you repeatedly to the GP or

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wherever they went, you, they probably

would have been told that you were fine.

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So.

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It's, it's a really

difficult time, I think.

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Yeah.

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When I was about 11 or 12, around my age,

my youngest daughter is now, I, we moved

399

from Tasmania to Queensland and I went

through this really horrible stage where

400

I was getting all these stomach issues

and was in and out of hospital and my

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mum was taking me to doctors and things

and we couldn't figure out what it was.

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But now, you know, I know that, you

know, stomach issues can relate back

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to ADHD because my youngest daughter

is the exact age I was and she's

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having the same thing at the moment.

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You know, that could have been something

that they looked at, that it was

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more of a You know, it was more of my

head than an actual physical illness.

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So, you know, I had all

these testings done.

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I was horrified.

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I was 11 and scared.

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And, you know, they're putting

things inside me, trying to

411

figure out what was wrong with me.

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And, you know, they never, you know,

till this day, they don't know.

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But now I'm aware of, you know,

this is all an effect of, of that.

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So, you know, I guess

in a sense, mum did try.

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Without knowing, because

you just don't know.

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Yeah, it's interesting, the, I've done

a couple of episodes on recognising

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ADHD in girls, and a few people

have brought up the stomach pains.

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And I remember going to hospital like

three or four times as a kid, and

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they were always talking about taking

out my appendix, but they never did.

420

There was never any, any known cause

and still to this day, I always say

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to my husband, I remember the pain.

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It was real.

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It was real.

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I remember it and I know it was real.

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So when my daughter lays on the

ground with a, you know, a hot bag

426

on her stomach and starts crying

and moaning and my husband's like,

427

there's nothing wrong with her.

428

I'm like, well, there probably isn't

anything physically wrong with her, but I

429

think her stomach does legitimately hurt.

430

And that's exactly what my daughter's

going through at the moment and

431

I, and I hate it for her because

I just have to say there's, there

432

is nothing I can do for you love.

433

We have to unfortunately live

with this and do our best to

434

keep going during the day.

435

So yeah, she struggles really

badly with tummy issues at the

436

moment and it's just not kind.

437

Poor little thing.

438

Is, I always wondered if mine

just went back to anxiety.

439

Do you think yours and your daughter's

is anxiety or what do you think it is?

440

I think there is a bit of anxiety there.

441

And hers does flare up a

lot more when she's anxious.

442

So when she's needing to do things,

it's, Oh, my tummy's really hurting.

443

You know, sometimes I'm just like,

Oh, you got to suck it up, mate.

444

Cause.

445

We've still got to get things done.

446

It's just unfortunate life.

447

I, you know, I, I try and sort of help her

mask it a little bit by, you know, I'll

448

give her like a multivitamin or something.

449

And sometimes that just magically works.

450

So yeah, I think, I think it's a

bit of everything, but yeah, there's

451

definitely mind flares up a lot more

when I'm feeling anxious or overwhelmed.

452

Absolutely.

453

Okay.

454

So let's go into the RSD.

455

I just wanted to kind of get a general.

456

Overview of, and plus, as I said,

people find it really interesting to

457

hear other people's stories to see

the similarities and the differences.

458

So in regards to RSD, because you said

that's had a big impact on your life.

459

Can you tell us a bit more about that?

460

Yeah, absolutely.

461

So I actually had never

heard of RSD until.

462

Earlier this year, so it was even after my

diagnosis, they were looking at Borderline

463

Personality Disorder for me as well.

464

And, you know, the correlation

between the two is significant.

465

But when I really got into it, the

RSD, it's, it's significant in my life.

466

There's many times.

467

I always think about my eldest daughter.

468

We're very, we're very close.

469

I was only 21 when I had her,

so she's about to turn 20, and

470

I think about her childhood and

how my RSD has impacted her life.

471

So there'd be times where, you know,

she'd have a few friends that would

472

hang out together, and she would

find out, and she would tell me,

473

and I would feel rejected by that.

474

Like, well, why weren't we invited?

475

What, you know, what have we done wrong?

476

You know, all these thoughts would go

through my head, and, you know, to the

477

point where I actually Stop talking

to people like there's a lot of people

478

that I had that were friends that

I now no longer speak with because

479

of Things like that, where I went,

you know, a couple of the kids got

480

together and they had a sleepover.

481

My daughter wasn't invited.

482

They sent her a Snapchat or something

like that and, you know, we got offended.

483

And she, she came to me and I

couldn't control my emotions

484

either because I was upset.

485

with her, because I'm like,

well, why aren't I there too?

486

They're all there together.

487

They're supposed to be my friends.

488

And of course I let it take over

and I messaged them and called

489

them and just went, nope, I'm done.

490

And I walked away.

491

So I've lost a lot of friendships in that

over the last probably 10 years or so.

492

My relationships, especially the one that

I've currently come out of, unfortunately.

493

The RSD has always been

really bad with that.

494

I, yeah, that, that one's a tough one.

495

He's a, he's a great man and I adore

him, but he, he didn't deal well with

496

my RSD because I have a lot of trauma

from my ex husband and I brought that

497

over to our relationship and it'd

just be little things, you know, he'd

498

be like, he's got children as well.

499

And he'd be like, Oh, I'm going to go

hang out with the boys for a little bit.

500

You know, we'll go down to the skate

park or whatever they wanted to do.

501

And I would be like.

502

Why am I not invited?

503

Why can't I come?

504

And I would get, I wouldn't say anything,

but I, I'd get, you know, pissed off.

505

And I'd be just like,

well, this is just shit.

506

Why, why can't Sienna and I come?

507

Why can't we come and have

fun with you guys as well?

508

But it's just him wanting to, you know,

just spend some time with his boys.

509

And, you know, and I do that as well.

510

I'll take my daughter out and we'll go

out and have fun, but I felt this massive

511

rejection and I would get really angry

at him and he couldn't understand it.

512

And neither did I at the time because, you

know, after and, you know, hours later I'd

513

be like, Oh yeah, it doesn't even matter.

514

Like he's just spending time with his

kids, but it really, you know, it put

515

a massive effect on our relationship

because I just couldn't understand

516

why we couldn't do everything as a

family unit when really, you know, they

517

just want to bond as, you know, sons

and father, which is understandable,

518

but now when I'm medicated, like

I can feel it come up, I can feel

519

that overwhelmingness that I'm being

rejected, and It was only the other day.

520

I think I was on the train going to work.

521

It must've been Monday

or Tuesday last week.

522

And I'd got a message from his,

my ex partner, but we still, we're

523

still weird place at the moment.

524

But he messaged me to say that he just

needed to spend some time on his own.

525

And he gets like that.

526

He can very much just

be on his own and happy.

527

And I got this overwhelming

sense of what have I done now?

528

This is.

529

I can't understand why he's doing this

and I got really, really frustrated, but

530

I'd only just taken my medication and

after sitting on the train, had my music

531

on, probably about half an hour later,

the whole sensation came out of my body.

532

And I was like, wow, my meds are amazing.

533

Like that was just one real

moment where I realized that my

534

meds have made me go, hang on.

535

He's just wanting to chill on his own.

536

Like, why am I getting so stressed out

about someone telling me he wants to hang

537

out on his own for a couple of hours?

538

And you know, I felt it.

539

And in my head, I was like, I can't

live without my medication now.

540

I knew in that moment, it was

last week, I had just this massive

541

epiphany that I realized that

My medication, I have to take it

542

because it's those things like that.

543

Like I can, you know, I can sit in

the, I can sit at work and forget

544

my meds and things like that.

545

But it's all that other stuff like

the RSD that it really does help

546

me just stay calm and rational.

547

I'm not, I can be really illogical.

548

So those rational thoughts come

straight in and they come straight out.

549

But when I medicated, they don't

come straight up, they're there and I

550

can feel them, but I don't say them.

551

And that's.

552

Where I felt this massive change

in my life, probably even just in

553

the last probably three months.

554

I've been living on my own

for about three months now.

555

And I've really noticed that

I've been able to control that

556

way more than I could before.

557

And yeah, a little bit

of dbt in with that.

558

Cause I do a lot of mindfulness and

I do a lot of adult coloring and all

559

those things, but it really is my

meds that make me sit back and go,

560

okay, process this easier and realize

that it's just, you feel rejected

561

when you're not, you know, and social

media has been a massive, massive.

562

Massive thing for that.

563

So, you know, you'll see people getting

together, even people that I don't even

564

want to hang out with, but I'll see

them, you know, they'll tag each other

565

in a photo and just little wave of.

566

Oh, why am I not?

567

I'm not there.

568

That's unfair, but I don't

even want to be there.

569

It's a really weird feeling that

you feel rejected, but you don't

570

actually care because you didn't

want to be there in the first place.

571

It's a really, a really weird feeling.

572

And it, you know, until I had that

name for it, and then I was able to

573

go in and have a look and see what

rejection sensitivity disorder is.

574

I was like, there are massive

light bulb moments and it's really.

575

Just being able to identify it,

put a name and a label on it.

576

People are like, Oh, I don't like labels.

577

I love labels.

578

I'm labeling it.

579

This is how I feel.

580

And even when I'm having a

rejection moment, I'll actually.

581

Tell the person, look, I'm suffering

this at the moment, just give me

582

a minute and I'll get over it.

583

And you know, that's how

I'm trying to work my life.

584

I'm, yeah, I do it at work.

585

You know, there's a, Actually, one

of the stories I was going to tell

586

and I've just re remembered it.

587

When I first started at my old job, I was

at my old job for 15 years and I worked

588

in the state government call center.

589

We get a certain amount of calls

listened to per month and they

590

evaluate them and see how we're going.

591

So that doesn't work well for me because

if like, if you don't part that, you

592

know, you can pass or fail calls.

593

If you fail, they don't, as long as you're

not doing anything wrong, they don't

594

care, but there's certain things that you

shouldn't be saying to customers on the

595

phone or, you know, you can, you know, we

all make mistakes and things like that.

596

But there was one of the

first ones I ever got back.

597

I just looked at it.

598

I was mortified.

599

I, you know, I passed nine

of the, so we get 10 calls.

600

I passed nine, but that one

call that I didn't pass.

601

It was a mess.

602

I was crying.

603

You know, I just, I lost it.

604

I'm like, why didn't I pass this?

605

I don't understand.

606

This is ridiculous.

607

I, and everyone, you know, my boss

was like, it's fine, it's fine.

608

It doesn't matter.

609

You know, we know you're really good

at your job and things like that.

610

And you know, I've had that whole time

that every time this has happened, I

611

get that straight back on the emails.

612

How have I, you know, how did I do

so bad and rah, rah, rah, rah, rah.

613

And now I'm like, Oh, hang on.

614

Just remember that this is.

615

This is RSD, you know, I, I was talking

with my boss just before I move.

616

I've moved jobs about three months ago

now into an amazing, incredible job.

617

I was talking to my

boss just before I left.

618

And I said, it's funny because I'll

send you this annoying email going,

619

I can't believe I failed this and

then, you know, an hour later I'll

620

be like, oh, don't worry about it.

621

It's fine.

622

And you know, he got used to it

cause he knew just to wait until.

623

You know, I come back to him before he

actually said anything if I actually

624

genuinely was upset with it or if

I just had that emotional reaction.

625

So yeah, it's, yeah, it's

affected all means of my life.

626

It's really interesting though to hear

someone else talk about it because I

627

was actually thinking of my daughter

when you were talking because I

628

always say to my husband, so she's

only, she's about to turn eight.

629

And one of my good friends is

the teacher's aid in her grade.

630

So I actually have a

outsider's point of view.

631

That's a friend of mine that I trust.

632

And then I get the actual version of

events from Gigi and Gigi's version

633

of events all the time is just.

634

She will talk negatively about two

particular girls who are both alpha

635

females, and she's an alpha female.

636

So she can't handle it, right?

637

She can't handle anyone that's telling

her what to do when she's the boss.

638

And, Anyway, it's interesting because

I'll mention to my friend, Oh, Gigi's

639

having a hard time because of this

and this, and she'll be like, That's

640

really funny that you say that because

she plays with this girl and this

641

girl and this girl all lunchtime.

642

She played soccer today.

643

She had the time of her life, but all

I hear is these negative interactions,

644

but often they're extremely small and

the school is really good because when

645

they sit her down in this little empathy

circle that they do, the other girl

646

either has no memory of this occurring

or it's so small they barely remember

647

it and they're not affected by it.

648

But for Gigi, it so consumes

her, she can't learn.

649

It sounds like RSD, which is, I actually

was looking up like negative cognitive

650

bias and all of these psych terms, and

now I'm like, this just sounds like RSD.

651

And I look back now and I see

that my eldest daughter, and now

652

that I'm more educated, I'm able

to handle my eldest daughter.

653

My eldest daughter has RSD quite badly.

654

She's basically me, modified.

655

So, I can now handle her emotional

deregulation better as a parent

656

than when she was little.

657

Cause, you know, she still had,

she called me the other day.

658

She was supposed to go vote.

659

She's in Sydney and, but her

address is still here in Brisbane.

660

And she didn't know where to

go and she's freaking out.

661

And I'm like, right, hang on.

662

And she's like, I just can't do it.

663

I can't do it.

664

It was 11 o'clock in the morning.

665

She had all day.

666

So.

667

Normally I would, I would go up with

her, so I'd be up here going, I don't,

668

you know, but I was able to stay

down and, and sort it out for her.

669

And, you know, I sent her a couple of

links to where she needed to go and.

670

It all worked out.

671

But if that had happened a few

years back, we both would have just

672

been completely all over the place.

673

And, you know, we can't do this,

it's just impossible, but she had the

674

same thing with girls in her grade.

675

So a lot of, she's an alpha male,

she'll, alpha male, she's an alpha

676

female, always will be an alpha female.

677

And she's the same in class,

you know, she'd have these

678

tiny little bits with girls.

679

And then I'd go to the parents

and go, your kid said this

680

about my kid and rah, rah, rah.

681

They're like, I don't, I

don't think that happened.

682

And yeah, again, you know, it just

caused so much disharmony between people.

683

I think they stopped wanting to be around

us because it, you know, I was very

684

defensive when it come to my daughter and

I was, I was lucky that I did have a few

685

people in my life that understood us, but

in general, yeah, we, we did struggle.

686

Both of us trying to maintain friendships,

even to this day, I still, I have a very,

687

I have a lot of friends, but I only have

a couple of really close people that I'm

688

bonded with and they just understand.

689

I think we're all the same.

690

I think we all congregate together for a

reason because we understand each other.

691

Yeah, it's, it, well, yeah, you're

probably neurodiverse all of you

692

together, which I tend to hang out

with neurodiverse people as well.

693

That's right.

694

We say, you know, we mean it in a funny

way, but you know, crazy loves crazy.

695

So.

696

One of us will, you know, we've got a

tribe, so we've got a tribe around us.

697

So my, my best friend, she's actually

a foster parent and she's got seven

698

children around her at all times and

a lot of them are on the spectrum.

699

She actually diagnosed my youngest

down to the T of exactly what she had.

700

She knew everything and I, I disagreed

with her and she's like, no, I know.

701

And yeah, doctors proved her right.

702

So she likes to tell me that

she told me so, but she's got a.

703

10 year old foster son and my 11 year old

and him, they're like two peas in a pod.

704

They've got the same autistic

interests and things like that.

705

So Sienna doesn't, my youngest Sienna, she

doesn't have a lot of friends at school

706

cause she doesn't relate to people her

own age and you know, we're trying to

707

get through that struggle at the moment,

but out of school, she's got, you know,

708

a couple of kids that are just like her

and she can go off and do her own thing.

709

So I've really mellowed a lot

with her and found her a tribe

710

that she can go and be with.

711

Which has been a real blessing for her.

712

Whereas I don't try and push

the friendships at school, where

713

I did with my oldest Maddie.

714

I, you know, I took her to school

things to try and push the friendships.

715

But with Sienna, I can see that she's a

bit different and she's happy being in the

716

library with the librarians in lunchtime

and has her friends out of school.

717

So she's quite a, she goes to

high school next year though.

718

So that'll be a whole new thing.

719

A mum told me about a year ago, I

thought it was really good advice.

720

She said to me, You want to spread

out the friendships with girls,

721

particularly, and she's not, this

is just her perspective, right?

722

This is just her as a mum.

723

She's got two girls.

724

And she said to me, you know,

if you're going to join Nippers,

725

join, don't join the one that's

attached to the public school, if

726

you're at the local public school.

727

Join the one the suburb over.

728

If you're going to join netball or

hockey, go to the one that's a little

729

bit further, because if a fallout

happens at school, it won't consume them,

730

because they'll have other friendships.

731

But if everywhere you go,

those same kids are there, It's

732

so triggering for the child.

733

I thought that was really great

advice because their out of

734

school friendships can be really

important to break up the intensity.

735

Absolutely.

736

So my eldest daughter did all

star cheerleading for eight years.

737

So when we were having issues at school,

she had her, what we call her cheer

738

friends, which were, we call it a family.

739

It was a cheer family.

740

So she, you know, she had

those two different worlds.

741

And that, you know, thinking that

way, that worked really well because,

742

you know, if she didn't have someone

here, she had someone over there.

743

So that was always really great for her.

744

So yeah, that is really true that,

yeah, don't try and mix school and

745

well, you know, I think about it too.

746

I don't, I mean, I've started a new

job, but I don't generally have a

747

lot of friends that I work with.

748

Like they're, they're coworkers and

things like that, but I don't generally

749

hang out with them out of work.

750

I've got my friends.

751

Thanks.

752

That understand me and understand

my quirks and things like that.

753

So that's how I put it to

my youngest daughter that.

754

You know, she, she's going through a real,

she, she's probably got a little bit of

755

RSD at the moment where she's feeling a

bit rejected by the girls at school and

756

she's not understanding why they don't

want to like the things that she likes.

757

You know, I'm trying to explain that,

you know, sometimes the things that you

758

like aren't exactly what the normal.

759

You know, 12 year old girl will like so,

you know, you've just got to find your

760

right people and you found them out of

work, out of school, you know, I don't

761

talk to people at work, out of work often.

762

So it's the same type of deal.

763

So I'm trying to get

her through with that.

764

But she doesn't have the RSD side as heart

bad as what my eldest daughter and I do.

765

And I do wonder if maybe I push the

RSD on my daughter with the way that

766

I would Transcribed React when she

was little so that she then felt that

767

impulsiveness that I was feeling,

you know, just thinking about it

768

now out loud, you know, I probably

did and I'm trying to sort of change

769

that now, but she has a lot of that.

770

I don't have any friends and you know,

this is happening and it's not fair.

771

So I can see a lot of me and

her now that I'm diagnosed

772

and I'm educating myself more.

773

So that's been really, that's a bit

tough for me that I've put something

774

on my kids because I never wanted

to do that because I always felt it.

775

That's what happened to me as a child.

776

I didn't get that type of privilege

where I could give my kids everything.

777

That didn't make any sense.

778

I, I didn't get a lot as a child, so

I try to give everything to my kids.

779

And yeah, I look now and think, wow, I did

put a lot on my daughter, unfortunately.

780

And yeah, it was really due to.

781

Undiagnosis and education, you know, even

with, without the diagnosis beforehand,

782

I had already started looking things up,

but the RSD never came up until yeah,

783

earlier this year, I just, I was reading

up on something and the words came up

784

and it just, it, yeah, blew my mind.

785

I'm like going through, I'm

like, Oh yeah, that makes sense.

786

That makes sense.

787

That makes sense.

788

And it's just those overwhelming

feelings that, you know, you're

789

not wanted and everybody hates you.

790

And it's just.

791

It's a horrible feeling to have, and you

do, I, you know, I went through a stage a

792

few years back where I just stayed home.

793

This is when I was quite overweight.

794

I didn't go anywhere.

795

I didn't want to see anybody.

796

Because I didn't want to be rejected

all the time, because that's how I felt.

797

I was gonna go somewhere and do something.

798

They were just going to, you know, not

want to be near me or I didn't even

799

try for new jobs until this year due

to that fear of not getting it because

800

I get so overwhelmed and upset that I

just didn't even want to apply for jobs.

801

So I stayed in the same role for 15

years, even though everybody there said,

802

Oh, you know, I needed more because.

803

I love the job, I just, I needed more

out of my life, but I was too scared

804

of rejection to go forward with it.

805

It wasn't until I got a bit of a mentor

last year and she really helped me

806

through and helped me start applying

and push me to apply for things.

807

And even when I did get rejected on

those roles, like I still get upset,

808

but I just had to realize, you know,

there's something out there for me.

809

I'll get there.

810

I just, you know, you need more time

instead of before I would just be,

811

I would, you know, I'd go into this.

812

Big depression for weeks

on end feeling worthless.

813

So, you know, I, when I finally got

the role I've got now, you know, I

814

felt, you know, grateful that I finally

found my feet and where I'm going,

815

but I could have done this years ago

and I didn't because I was too scared

816

because I didn't want to be rejected

and feel stupid and that's how I felt

817

my whole life that, you know, I didn't.

818

You know, even school exams back when you

were in high school, I didn't even do half

819

of my exams because I thought I'd fail.

820

So I may as well just fail.

821

So why, why go and do these exams

when, you know, it doesn't, you know,

822

you're not getting anything out of it

because you're just going to fail it.

823

So yeah, it consumed my whole life.

824

It's very upsetting now when I

look back that I've got to 41,

825

I'm only now starting a career.

826

All my managers are younger than me and

I feel influenced by them and I'm like,

827

hang on this, also they're in their 30s

and I'm in my 40s and you know, I've

828

just got to remember that, you know, I'm

still young, I'm 40, 41 and I've still

829

got a long time left, but it's just

all those years and you've got to, I

830

think you've got to sit down and really.

831

And this is what I'm trying to do in

my life at the moment is, is mourn

832

that, mourn what could have been.

833

And that's what I've been going

through the last few months.

834

It's just mourning the life I could have

had, the people that I've let go of my

835

life that, you know, maybe I, I shouldn't

have all because I wasn't diagnosed

836

with something that I could have been

as a child and really got the help for.

837

So that's been really tough this year.

838

A lot of people, a lot of

women that I interview talk

839

about unfulfilled potential.

840

Is, is really the thing that comes up.

841

It's, and some of them are successful,

you know, they're, they're not, they're

842

nothing to say that they haven't done

well, they have done well, but for them

843

with what they know they could have

achieved and the people around them

844

watching them go higher or, or get a, get

a different path that they could have had.

845

That kind of seems to be a lot of

the grieving is that it's not that

846

they're not successful, that it

just, they could have been more.

847

Yeah, I feel the same.

848

Like, it's not that I haven't been

unsuccessful, I've owned a home, you know?

849

I've traveled the world, you know, my

children have everything they could

850

possibly ever want in their lives,

but it's still that extra part where

851

you're like, I could have, I could

have done more with my, you know, I

852

could have felt, I could have been

so much more and I could have given

853

more to the world like I am now.

854

And I'm, I work for Aboriginal

Torres Strait Islander housing

855

and in their projects team.

856

And I absolutely love it.

857

I'm, you know, I'm down low.

858

But they know that I want more so

they give me more and I'm, I'm very

859

blessed that they're very, I'm very

open about my ADHD there and how I

860

communicate and things like that.

861

So I'm very, very lucky to be in a

role where they're really open and

862

honest and, and I'm just grateful that

they, you know, they know that I'm,

863

I'm better than the role that I'm in.

864

I needed a stepping stone.

865

So I'm just grateful that I'm, I'm making

that opportunities happen for myself now.

866

But if you had have told me two

years ago, I would still be stuck

867

at my old job, just doing the same

thing day in, day out and hating it.

868

So it, it sounds similar again in

the themes of the other women that

869

I interview in terms of awareness,

like being diagnosis in my mind,

870

aside from medication, one of the

largest major advantages is awareness

871

of who you are and how you operate.

872

Do you think it's the internal awareness

or do you communicate the awareness?

873

Like how does, how have you managed

to Um, or positively manage your RSD.

874

It's probably a bit of both.

875

So I can, I think living on my own

has really helped because before

876

there was somebody already there

and I would just verbal it straight

877

out that what, you know, the RSD

was doing and, you know, it'd be all

878

negative and horrible and just ruin

everything, but now that I'm by myself.

879

I can take a minute and go, hang

on, why am I feeling so overwhelmed?

880

And then I'll, you know, I'll either

leave it because it doesn't matter, or

881

I'll go, oh, hang on, maybe it's a little

bit more, or I'll, I'll tell people.

882

I'm pretty good at telling people,

like, I had to, I got some bad feedback

883

earlier in the year from my boss.

884

I wasn't in a great place that day

to begin with, but I really took

885

it really badly, and I just had to

say to her, I said, it's actually

886

not you, you're not actually doing

anything wrong, it's just my emotions.

887

I can't control this at this moment.

888

I said, you know, don't feel like

you're doing anything wrong by giving

889

me bad feedback because I can take it.

890

It's just that I need to have this

moment in this moment, unfortunately.

891

So I'm pretty good.

892

I'm very open about it.

893

If I'm having one of those moments,

I'll tell people, just give me a second.

894

I need a moment and I'll, you

know, I'll either walk off.

895

So I'm more self aware

than I've ever been.

896

I mean, it's still slow process.

897

It's only been probably the last six

months that I've really started to.

898

Understand RSD and really work it.

899

And DBT is just phenomenal for that.

900

I'm very blessed that my psychologist

was able to do that one on one with me.

901

She's amazing, but that, yeah, just

stopping and just breathing for a second

902

and, you know, giving myself that moment

to whether or not, which way I'm going

903

to go, but I think, I think telling

people makes people more accepting.

904

So, you know, in the past,

people just think I was, as I

905

said, as a kid, I was emotional.

906

No, I just felt rejected and,

you know, that was my feelings.

907

It wasn't somebody else's feelings and

it didn't mean that anyone was doing

908

anything wrong because they weren't.

909

It's just.

910

How I felt, but I didn't know

that at the time and now I do.

911

So it's, yeah, it's really, it's a

difficult one to, to process and it,

912

and it's still, you know, a lot of

people don't understand it in my life

913

and that's okay, I try to educate

as much as I can, that this is just

914

who I am or who my children are.

915

Sometimes we can't, can't

control it, but no one's perfect.

916

And there is going to be times

where I don't, and all I can do is

917

just say, look, this is what it is.

918

I'm putting a label on it, I

can apologize, but I can't, I

919

physically can't take things back.

920

So it is what it is, I guess for

me, I'm, yeah, if you can't accept

921

that part of me, then I can't

really have people in my life.

922

And I've, I have removed a significant

amount of people out of my life recently,

923

even, you know, you do your Facebook

and like I did a massive cold cause

924

I was just like, I don't actually

need these people around before.

925

I was like, Oh, I have this many

friends on social media and la da,

926

because to me that was a dopamine hit.

927

But now.

928

I just don't need it.

929

I don't need all these people knowing

things about my life and, you know,

930

I just want to keep my, my, my circle

how it is and small and, you know,

931

talking to those that genuinely.

932

Want good for me and my children.

933

So that's yeah, I think I

went on a whole journey there.

934

Oh, no, I loved it I was gonna ask you

one more burning one and then we'll

935

finish up I wanted to ask you if you

start to feel the sensations of the RSD

936

coming on like let's say you receive a

message you Get a phone call something

937

happens And you start to feel it.

938

Let's say this is best

case scenario, right?

939

Like I understand good days, bad

days, you can't always be perfect.

940

In that, what would be the best

case scenario for you for like for

941

someone listening who might want

to work towards, you know, making

942

some changes in RSD for them?

943

What could you recommend doing?

944

I think if you can, and sometimes

it's hard in the moment, but

945

it's just to take a breath.

946

And I know people say that all

the time, Oh, just deep breathe.

947

And my daughter hates it.

948

She hates being told to breathe.

949

She just wants to punch people pretty

much when someone tells her to breathe.

950

So I think if you can just step away from

the moment and if you're in a place, it's

951

just to write down how you're feeling.

952

This is what my psychologist

said to me because when I have

953

that overwhelming feeling.

954

I need to get, I have to

get it out of my head.

955

It can't stay up here.

956

So I'm either going to

verbalize it or send a message

957

or do something to somebody.

958

But what I do now is, I write it down.

959

This is where I do use

my notes on my phone.

960

So I write it, instead of writing it

as a text message and verbal diarrhoea

961

ing to somebody, I just write it in my

notes, at least then it's out of my head.

962

And hopefully by then, and I've got

through it, I can realize the process

963

that hang on and that even if I do need

to send it, what I've been doing now

964

is I'll write it all out in my notes

and then I go through and I actually

965

go, Oh, that doesn't need to be said.

966

And I remove it.

967

That doesn't need to be said.

968

And I remove it because I like to,

when I tell a story, it's got a

969

backstory to the backstory to the

backstory of why I am where I am.

970

So, and I, I do that, I, I, pardon

me, I was doing that at work as well,

971

and it wasn't until one of the ladies

at work said, we don't need a novel,

972

we just need, we need this, not this.

973

Like, you know, you need

smaller, not bigger.

974

So it's, so it's me, it's, you know,

I have to, I have to backspace my

975

life is pretty much what I say.

976

So, you know, I've just got to

delete the words that don't.

977

Does it matter to the story?

978

And my psychologist actually said to

me, instead of writing a paragraph, dot

979

point, so I, I dot point, you know, down

the things and then I'll, you know, go

980

up and go, okay, that doesn't matter.

981

That doesn't matter before I'll send

things through 90 percent of the time.

982

I've got really good at it.

983

If I'm really overwhelmed.

984

No, it just goes out as verbal diary.

985

You know, I had that this week.

986

I just, I got overwhelmed this

week and verbal diary it out.

987

Shouldn't have.

988

Yeah.

989

But I can't take it back, you

know, I'll come, you know, I've,

990

I've left that parked it for

now and I'll come back to it.

991

You know, I like to concentrate

on work during the week.

992

I'll come back to it on the weekend and

go, okay, this is where I went wrong

993

and data, data, data, and sort that out.

994

But for now I'm just

leaving it where it is.

995

So yeah, it's a, it's, it's always

going to be there and it's always in the

996

back of your head so you, you can, if

you can feel it and I've been blessed

997

now that I can feel it coming, that

I can start learning to control it.

998

But it doesn't always work.

999

But yeah, taking that step back and trying

to, yeah, write it down or walk away from

00:47:34,470 --> 00:47:36,330

the situation is probably the best part.

00:47:36,340 --> 00:47:39,470

It's not always possible, especially if

you're dealing with another person with

00:47:39,470 --> 00:47:42,370

ADHD and you're just going backwards

and forwards and getting nowhere.

00:47:42,370 --> 00:47:43,060

That's.

00:47:43,460 --> 00:47:46,200

It's not always pleasant, but

in general, yeah, I would just

00:47:46,340 --> 00:47:48,250

try and take a second to myself.

00:47:48,660 --> 00:47:49,650

I do the breathing.

00:47:49,660 --> 00:47:53,700

My kid hates it, but I like it because

it just gives me that minute to stop.

00:47:53,980 --> 00:47:54,270

Yeah.

00:47:54,270 --> 00:47:54,660

Okay.

00:47:54,730 --> 00:47:55,100

Okay.

00:47:55,390 --> 00:47:56,880

Look, that's, that's great advice.

00:47:56,880 --> 00:48:00,690

And I think you've come such a long way,

particularly with the food as well, which

00:48:00,690 --> 00:48:05,370

we talked about earlier and also the

RSD and you know, having two girls with

00:48:05,370 --> 00:48:08,840

ADHD, ASD is, you know, a ride in itself.

00:48:09,210 --> 00:48:11,020

So I think you're doing an incredible job.

00:48:11,030 --> 00:48:12,620

Thank you so much for sharing your story.

00:48:12,975 --> 00:48:13,505

Thank you.

00:48:13,565 --> 00:48:14,295

I appreciate it.

00:48:14,295 --> 00:48:14,935

No, it's been good.

00:48:14,975 --> 00:48:18,585

Yeah, I'm, I'm, I feel lucky to have

ADHD to be honest, because I can.

00:48:19,050 --> 00:48:20,950

I use it in my work.

00:48:20,950 --> 00:48:23,830

I found a job where I can have

a lot of things on the go.

00:48:23,890 --> 00:48:26,960

So I'm really blessed that it's

my, we call it, and the lady,

00:48:27,630 --> 00:48:31,010

the person I work with, they say,

you know, it's our superpower,

00:48:31,580 --> 00:48:34,400

so let's use it to our benefit.

00:48:34,420 --> 00:48:36,240

And so we can incorporate

that in our work.

00:48:36,240 --> 00:48:38,330

And that's what I've

tried to teach my kids.

00:48:38,330 --> 00:48:39,080

Find a job.

00:48:39,645 --> 00:48:44,505

That you can incorporate what people

would see as a, you know, a negative,

00:48:44,875 --> 00:48:46,205

turn it around and make it a positive.

00:48:46,205 --> 00:48:49,005

And that's what I'm trying to

do now and just use it for good.

00:48:49,505 --> 00:48:53,055

Yeah, we actually had a session with

our psychologist that comes over.

00:48:53,435 --> 00:48:54,695

He's mobile, thank God for him.

00:48:55,095 --> 00:48:56,625

And he does kids and everybody.

00:48:56,655 --> 00:48:57,265

He's great.

00:48:57,265 --> 00:48:58,565

He's a busy man on those days.

00:48:58,935 --> 00:49:02,075

But he came over and he had a chat

with my husband and I yesterday.

00:49:02,085 --> 00:49:05,875

It was really interesting because he

said with my kids, and I assume this

00:49:05,875 --> 00:49:07,850

would be his blanket for any kid, Right?

00:49:08,260 --> 00:49:11,660

You want to embrace their strengths

and celebrate who they are, and then

00:49:11,660 --> 00:49:15,720

try and cradle the world that can

be in a way that can accept them.

00:49:15,780 --> 00:49:18,390

And that's absolutely what we

have the freedom to do as adults.

00:49:18,850 --> 00:49:23,310

We can find a job that suits, we can

find a lifestyle that suits, but when

00:49:23,310 --> 00:49:27,180

you're in a schooling system, that

can be a really hard thing to navigate

00:49:27,180 --> 00:49:29,830

because the box is pretty inflexible.

00:49:30,290 --> 00:49:34,170

So we were talking about how we

can get them to embrace their

00:49:34,170 --> 00:49:39,325

strengths, but still survive in the

box that is school, it's a hard one.

00:49:39,615 --> 00:49:40,445

That is a hard one.

00:49:40,445 --> 00:49:43,285

And that's probably a whole

other kettle of fish on its own.

00:49:43,315 --> 00:49:45,465

There is just the, yeah, education.

00:49:45,855 --> 00:49:49,355

I mean, we're lucky that my daughter's

school is quite small, so she has a

00:49:49,355 --> 00:49:51,125

really great network to be able to.

00:49:51,695 --> 00:49:54,455

Do what she needs to do, but my

eldest daughter did not have that.

00:49:54,485 --> 00:49:58,345

And she was highly intelligent

and bored out of her brain.

00:49:58,385 --> 00:50:02,004

So at ADHD, it just wasn't great.

00:50:02,285 --> 00:50:03,355

She ended up homeschooling.

00:50:03,385 --> 00:50:04,045

That's a whole year.

00:50:04,275 --> 00:50:07,925

So, because it just, yeah, I've

opened up the schooling box.

00:50:07,925 --> 00:50:08,615

Sorry, Tammy.

00:50:08,645 --> 00:50:12,575

But I just was, when you were talking

about embracing who you are and using it.

00:50:13,100 --> 00:50:17,070

I was just like, yes, the world, the

world should be friendly enough for

00:50:17,080 --> 00:50:20,830

everybody to embrace their strengths,

neuro typical, neuro diverse.

00:50:21,820 --> 00:50:26,800

Why can't we create a environment that

suits everybody from any race, gender,

00:50:27,210 --> 00:50:30,600

ethnicity, like all, like what, why can't

we, anyway, whole nother thing, Tammy.

00:50:31,060 --> 00:50:34,030

Let's finish up because I'm going

to try and keep under an hour, but

00:50:34,030 --> 00:50:35,190

thank you so much for your time.

00:50:35,190 --> 00:50:36,020

You've been so good.

00:50:36,100 --> 00:50:37,790

I really appreciate how

open and honest you've been.

00:50:38,380 --> 00:50:38,950

Thank you.

00:50:39,020 --> 00:50:40,050

I appreciate your time.

00:50:40,840 --> 00:50:41,230

Okay.

00:50:41,230 --> 00:50:44,970

And for anyone listening, if you love

this episode, please go and give a

00:50:44,970 --> 00:50:47,150

review on Spotify or Apple podcasts.

00:50:47,760 --> 00:50:50,550

The reason that I ask is that

it makes it easier for people to

00:50:50,550 --> 00:50:51,740

find the podcast in Australia.

00:50:51,740 --> 00:50:55,270

So the more ratings it's got, the

higher it comes up on the list.

00:50:55,660 --> 00:50:59,350

The reason why I say that is because

we've still got a lot of UK and US

00:50:59,380 --> 00:51:00,910

podcasts coming in over the top.

00:51:01,210 --> 00:51:03,980

And then I hear people say to me,

Oh, I didn't know that you existed

00:51:03,980 --> 00:51:07,080

because I've been listening to

all of the ones internationally.

00:51:07,400 --> 00:51:08,360

Nothing wrong with them.

00:51:08,360 --> 00:51:11,250

Don't get me wrong, but I think

Australians, there's something

00:51:11,250 --> 00:51:15,090

special about hearing from Australian

women about Australian women.

00:51:15,120 --> 00:51:16,920

So I really want to get

that message out there.