Shownotes
In This Episode, You’ll Learn:
- 5 key things every dad should know when dating his daughter
- The right age to start (and why it’s never too late)
- How intentional “daddy time” shows her she’s a priority
- Why these dates set her expectations for future relationships
- How to grab my proven Daddy-Daughter Date Checklist for free.
Each week the Big 3 will give you immediate action steps to get you started.
Download today’s BIG 3 right now. Read and think over them again later. You might even want to share them with others…
Thanks for Listening!
Thanks so much for joining us again this week. Have some feedback you’d like to share? Join us on Facebook and take part in the discussion! If you enjoyed this episode, please share it using the social media buttons you see at the top of this page or right below. Also, please leave an honest review for The Everyday Disciple Podcast on iTunes. Ratings and reviews are extremely helpful and greatly appreciated! They do matter in the rankings of the show, and we read each and every one of them. Links and Resources Mentioned in This Episode: The Gospel In Everyday Life Workshop Register Now FREE Coaching and Mentorship in Missional Living by Caesar and his wife Tina Resources for missional living and group training - Missio Publishing Get Caesar’s latest book: Bigger Gospel for FREE… Click here.
Transcripts
I can remember a funny story, uh, how our daughter Christin, so now she's at age four.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:So we've been doing dating for a little bit at this point, but she helped her younger sister, Justine, who was like two at the time, prepare for her first date night with me.
Caesar Kalinowski:It was so cute, man.
Caesar Kalinowski:She helped her pick out like a dress and you know, matching shoes.
Caesar Kalinowski:I remember, she is so, so cute.
Caesar Kalinowski:She loaned her favorite plastic pearl necklace, you know, like this cherish, you know?
Caesar Kalinowski:That's awesome.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:And she told her which restaurant she should have me take her to, which I think she actually, she picked this place where we were living at the time.
Caesar Kalinowski:It was like, it still is our favorite burrito place in the world.
Caesar Kalinowski:So at four years old, Christin was already becoming a foodie, you know?
Caesar Kalinowski:That's awesome.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And then like the folk, they were like football burritos.
Caesar Kalinowski:Anyway, but Justine beamed.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like with a smile that was as wide as the sky when she came out from her room, like ready for our date.
Caesar Kalinowski:I mean, she just, she knew she was beautiful.
Caesar Kalinowski:She felt beautiful.
Caesar Kalinowski:Her sister help her get ready.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:It was so awesome.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I even get a little choked up right now just kind of recalling it, you know?
Caesar Kalinowski:Mm-hmm.
Heath Hollensbe:Welcome to the Everyday Disciple Podcast, where you'll learn how to live with.
Heath Hollensbe:Greater intentionality and an integrated faith that naturally fits into every area of life.
Heath Hollensbe:In other words, discipleship as a lifestyle.
Heath Hollensbe:This is the stuff your parents, pastors and seminary professors probably forgot to tell you.
Heath Hollensbe:And now here's your host, Caesar Kalinowski.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hey, Heath.
Caesar Kalinowski:How you doing, brother?
Heath Hollensbe:Good, man.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm stoked about the show.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, this has been a cool topic, as you know when I've talked about it, just in different teaching and training when I've written about it, when I've done, yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, videos on it, talking about why dads should be regularly dating their daughters.
Caesar Kalinowski:I dunno, it's powerful.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like, everybody kind of knows we should, you know?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like I've heard about it.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's not like, Hey, Cesar created this idea, you know?
Caesar Kalinowski:No, I, I don't know where I got it from, but I'm glad we're gonna talk about it today.
Caesar Kalinowski:We're gonna give some pretty sweet and proven advice on how people can do this effectively.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:So if it sounds good, but you're not sure how to get started, well by the end of all this, you'll be good to go.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:You know, I usually have a little bit of heads up as far as where this episode's going, but the thing that's exciting about this is you're older than me.
Heath Hollensbe:You've got two daughters that are now out of the house.
Heath Hollensbe:Mm-hmm.
Heath Hollensbe:I have a one and a half year old daughter that is just starting to really capture my heart.
Heath Hollensbe:'cause you see her emotions and personality and she's beautiful like her mother.
Heath Hollensbe:And so.
Heath Hollensbe:I feel like I'm at the start of the race and you are, but
Caesar Kalinowski:but here's the thing.
Caesar Kalinowski:It doesn't end.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:So daddy daughter dates is hopefully will become for people.
Caesar Kalinowski:It is for me.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's one of the most cherished things that you'll ever do as a parent.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah,
Caesar Kalinowski:it really is.
Caesar Kalinowski:And my wife Tina and I have one son.
Caesar Kalinowski:He's our firstborn Caesar.
Caesar Kalinowski:And we also have two daughters, Christin and Justine.
Caesar Kalinowski:And we're a really blessed couple and we've done a lot of things wrong as parents.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like ask my kids.
Caesar Kalinowski:Uh, but one thing we got right was dating our kids.
Caesar Kalinowski:And so I'm gonna talk primarily today about daddy's dating their daughters, but this really is parents dating their kids because Tina did the same thing with little C. Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:So, um, the things we learned from dating our kids okay, about ourselves and them has been amazing, man.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like, yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like, and it's like a different environment.
Caesar Kalinowski:And so it happens and we found no better way to unlock their hearts.
Caesar Kalinowski:And kind of pour into them this sense of beauty and value than these cherished times together on dates.
Caesar Kalinowski:Mm-hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's really, it's kind of special, man.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's cool man.
Caesar Kalinowski:I, you know, people are doing it.
Caesar Kalinowski:They know that already.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hopefully this will give them some tips to even upgrade things.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:But if you're not, wow, I, this.
Caesar Kalinowski:This episode hopefully will convince you to do that.
Heath Hollensbe:So one of the things that I had mentioned is you're down the road.
Heath Hollensbe:You have two great girls out of the house.
Heath Hollensbe:Why are you always pointing out that I'm so much older than you?
Heath Hollensbe:Well, you're, you, you're older.
Heath Hollensbe:We look exactly like the same age.
Heath Hollensbe:What you do, it's uncanny.
Heath Hollensbe:Uh, when you think about dating, when was a good age for you to start?
Heath Hollensbe:'cause I'm going, I got a one and a half year old.
Heath Hollensbe:Is it too young?
Heath Hollensbe:Is she gonna give me 15 or should I wait till.
Heath Hollensbe:Like, when would you get going with this?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:I,
Heath Hollensbe:boy,
Caesar Kalinowski:I don't think there's ever, like, it's never too early or too late in a sense.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:But if they're not old enough to remember it all, you know, maybe.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:I don't know.
Caesar Kalinowski:I, that's still, that's not the case.
Caesar Kalinowski:Even like, 'cause I can remember when my kids were like two or three when Christin and Justine, yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Were two or three.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, and we did this when we started this.
Caesar Kalinowski:And they would dress up and they'd pick their favorite place to eat dinner.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's key.
Caesar Kalinowski:Usually when they were real little, they'd just.
Caesar Kalinowski:Pick crummy fast food stuff.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, the old go golden arches.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Oh, no kidding.
Caesar Kalinowski:No.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like really, you know, um, uh, and, and I'm, and I'd take them out, right?
Caesar Kalinowski:Mm-hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I always did it separately.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, I give 'em that sort of one-on-one time and I'd open their doors for them, you know, displaying my best jewelry and manners and stuff.
Caesar Kalinowski:Probably better for them than I would do for Tina.
Caesar Kalinowski:Uh, they'd ask me lots of questions and we'd laugh, and it was just super fun.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:It really, that's, that's a key thing.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like it was, I had no giant agenda other than that.
Caesar Kalinowski:They would feel loved and cherished and I'd tell them how beautiful they were and how awesome it was to have this time.
Caesar Kalinowski:Now it takes intentionality.
Caesar Kalinowski:I mean, it's, it's true.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's in my heart, but it'd be easy just to go like.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hey, hurry up, put those fries.
Caesar Kalinowski:We're gonna go see a movie.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know?
Caesar Kalinowski:It's like, but, but I was like, man, honey, you look so beautiful.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like, wow, who did your hair?
Caesar Kalinowski:Mommy, dad in a car?
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, like, like, oh, I look super extra special tonight.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like, I'm so lucky.
Caesar Kalinowski:What a lucky dad to be on this day, you know?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And we would just, you're special honey, and I love you, and God loves you.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:And like they would hear it differently.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:You know?
Heath Hollensbe:'cause it was like one-on-one and they, well, I even remember you saying like.
Heath Hollensbe:The importance of valuing, even the place they chose, like being able to go like, wow, you make, you're making great decisions.
Heath Hollensbe:The fact that you would choose maybe not McDonald's, but.
Heath Hollensbe:Being able to go like that.
Heath Hollensbe:This was really
Caesar Kalinowski:fun.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like you pick good places.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Encouraging, I mean, those little areas.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, exactly.
Caesar Kalinowski:I can remember, um, funny story, uh, how our daughter, Christin, so now she's at age four.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:So we've been doing dating for a little bit at this point.
Caesar Kalinowski:She's, she's like nearly 30 now, you know, but she helped her younger sister, Justine, who was like two at the time, prepare for her first date night with me.
Caesar Kalinowski:It was so cute, man.
Caesar Kalinowski:She helped her pick out like a dress and, you know, matching shoes.
Caesar Kalinowski:She, I remember she, it was so, so cute.
Caesar Kalinowski:She loaned her favorite plastic pearl necklace, you know, like this chairs, you know?
Caesar Kalinowski:That's awesome.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:And she told her which restaurant she should have me take her to, which I think she actually, she picked this place where we were living at the time.
Caesar Kalinowski:It was like, it's still is our favorite burrito place in the world.
Caesar Kalinowski:So at four years old, Christin was already becoming a foodie, you know?
Caesar Kalinowski:That's awesome.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And like the folk, they were like football burritos anyway, but Justine beamed.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like with a smile that was as wide as the sky when she came out from her room, like ready for our date, mean she just, she knew she was beautiful.
Caesar Kalinowski:She felt beautiful.
Caesar Kalinowski:Her sister helped her get ready.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And it was so awesome.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I even get a little choked up right now, just kind of recalling it, you know?
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:And then, like I said earlier, my, my wife did the same thing with our son throughout the years, teaching him how to be a gentleman, how to eat with proper manners, you know how to treat a girl appropriately as she dated him.
Caesar Kalinowski:I remember one time, um, my wife ran into some gal that my son had been on a, like a group date, like a school dance thing.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, he was probably, I don't know, 14 or something at the time.
Caesar Kalinowski:We can talk at some point about when is too young to date and all that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Some days, we'll, maybe we'll do an episode on parenting and dating, you know, but anyway, he was on a group date somewhere in that age and my wife had run into.
Caesar Kalinowski:Of the girls and she was like, she was like bragging on our son.
Caesar Kalinowski:Caesar was the only one who knew which fork to eat with, and he held it right and he knew how to cut his meat.
Caesar Kalinowski:Everybody else were like animals, you know?
Caesar Kalinowski:So it was like my wife was like, score, you know?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Proud moment.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Super right.
Caesar Kalinowski:Little things, man, little things, but man, that's cool.
Heath Hollensbe:It seems like if you get started at a young age.
Heath Hollensbe:You're actually doing less damage control maybe at like 15, 16 year olds.
Heath Hollensbe:But you know, like my daughter turns 15, I've neglected her whole life and now I'm trying to clean up as dad.
Heath Hollensbe:It seems like getting into a habit from a young age as a way.
Caesar Kalinowski:Well, if you can,
Heath Hollensbe:yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah, if you can.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah, absolutely.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah, absolutely.
Heath Hollensbe:So what would, what would be your top reasons when you started thinking or maybe even heard this information about dating your daughter?
Heath Hollensbe:Uh, what were your top reasons for wanting to date your daughters?
Caesar Kalinowski:Alright, yeah, I got, I got five things that come to mind.
Caesar Kalinowski:There's probably more, but here we go.
Caesar Kalinowski:So the first one is concentrated daddy Time shows your daughter that she's a priority in your life.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:And you know how that is.
Caesar Kalinowski:There's, there's so much going on, especially when your kids are little.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:You're busy, you know, you're in ministry, maybe you're in business run, starting a business.
Caesar Kalinowski:I mean, it's just, it's very easy for them not to feel like a priority.
Caesar Kalinowski:So that concentrated time.
Caesar Kalinowski:Shows her that she is a priority in your life.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:And often we can communicate as fathers to our kids that, you know, we leave the house each day to go take care of the really important things.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:And work and ministry and other responsibilities.
Caesar Kalinowski:They're like our top priority in everything.
Caesar Kalinowski:And everyone seems to come after.
Caesar Kalinowski:And that may not be our heart.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's not our intent.
Caesar Kalinowski:But the signal it sends is, yeah, that's it.
Caesar Kalinowski:The way we manage our time and the allotment of that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Actually broadcasts pretty loudly.
Caesar Kalinowski:Mm-hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:To, you know, to where our heart lies.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:So the hours given to these special times together show your daughter how important and valuable she's to you.
Caesar Kalinowski:And, and here's the other thing.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:You're actually modeling God's heart towards her when you do this.
Caesar Kalinowski:Wow.
Caesar Kalinowski:If there's a gospel kind of motivation to that, I want my daughter, you know, or if you're a wife listening to this, I want, you want, you want your son.
Caesar Kalinowski:I want to, I want to know that God loves them.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And cherishes them and always has time for them.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's great, man.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's super important.
Caesar Kalinowski:Uh, next, uh, here's a little bit of a tip here.
Caesar Kalinowski:Let your daughter set the agenda for the date.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, as parents, we usually determine most of what our kids eat every day and where they're allowed to go and what they wear, at least when they're younger.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, right.
Caesar Kalinowski:And et cetera.
Caesar Kalinowski:But let your daughter pick the place for the meal like we'd already talked about, or what movie you're gonna go see.
Caesar Kalinowski:And you know what you'll do afterwards.
Caesar Kalinowski:I always like to do something afterwards.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:Maybe you go shopping or you know, get some ice cream or whatever.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Let them pick, you know, how formal or how casual the date will be.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, when they're little, they really like getting dressed up.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:But you know, as they get a little older, you know, like 12 or 13, it's like, dad, what's with the bow tie?
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, it's, you know, it's like, so let them sort of pick.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know?
Caesar Kalinowski:'cause a date can be, it's a great idea.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um.
Caesar Kalinowski:Even let her pick out what you'll wear on the date.
Caesar Kalinowski:I've had that, when I look at my daughter come in, it's like, what are you wearing?
Caesar Kalinowski:Like I'm wearing this.
Caesar Kalinowski:Why don't you pick out what dad wears tonight so it matches and you feel good about it?
Caesar Kalinowski:And they just, it's just extra.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right?
Caesar Kalinowski:That's cool.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's just special.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's just a bonus.
Caesar Kalinowski:They'll love it.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right?
Caesar Kalinowski:And then praise her for her choices on everything.
Caesar Kalinowski:Letting her know she's got great taste, you know?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like in clothes and like what she picked and gosh, she's so fun to be with.
Caesar Kalinowski:This will build her confidence in her ability to make decisions as she grows up.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like if you Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:We want that.
Caesar Kalinowski:We want our kids to feel confident and that they can make good choices.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:Next.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, when you're on the date, ask lots of questions and really listen to her answers.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, these date times, they're just primed for truly getting to know your daughter and her heart in a deeper.
Caesar Kalinowski:Ask her about her week.
Caesar Kalinowski:What was the best thing, what was the worst and why?
Caesar Kalinowski:And, and I, here's, here's a really good thing.
Caesar Kalinowski:Ask wondering questions to spark her imagination.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:Or yours like, honey, have you ever wondered about this?
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's great.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, if you ever wondered about like, what you'll be doing in five years, you know, she's like 12 or, you know, of course, or 10 or uh, or ask questions about her favorite.
Caesar Kalinowski:Fill in the blank, you know, whatever.
Caesar Kalinowski:Or ask her about the future, you know, if you were to get married someday, what would your perfect husband be like?
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:I mean, that's so awesome
Heath Hollensbe:when it also develops from a young age, being able to have that trust built, right.
Heath Hollensbe:Of Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:You're building this avenue of answering and knowing that she's listening.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:If you
Caesar Kalinowski:could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:And.
Caesar Kalinowski:This is not cool.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Get to know their heart, you know, never challenge her, you know, like whatever.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like, you know, like I'd live there, like, I'd hate that, you know?
Caesar Kalinowski:I was like, no, don't challenge it.
Caesar Kalinowski:Italy boring.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:But ask good open-ended questions.
Caesar Kalinowski:And then, and then, you know, if you're really listening, it's easy to ask follow up questions.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:As well.
Caesar Kalinowski:Listen to her heart in these answers.
Caesar Kalinowski:She's, she's dying to reveal it.
Caesar Kalinowski:Mm-hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:She wants to be known.
Caesar Kalinowski:And when someone, you know and trust shows you unconditional love, like in this way.
Caesar Kalinowski:You'll really open up.
Caesar Kalinowski:We're all that way.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:What a beautiful thing to do with your daughter.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, overall here, treat her like a princess the entire time.
Caesar Kalinowski:Tell her over and over how beautiful she is.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, even to this day, I tell my daughter, Christin, I. Almost every time I see her, man, you look great today.
Caesar Kalinowski:You look beautiful.
Caesar Kalinowski:I love that dress on you.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And she, she still, she still kind of shyly, shrugs it off like, I know dad, you know, or Thanks dad.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, it's just like, sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:And she's got her own baby, you know, she's married, you know, it's like, she's like I said, almost 30.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's like.
Caesar Kalinowski:But that's just a pattern.
Caesar Kalinowski:And she has told me, I grew up believing I was beautiful because you always told me I was, Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I trust you.
Caesar Kalinowski:And brother was the same way.
Caesar Kalinowski:He, he always told me how beautiful I was.
Caesar Kalinowski:Wow.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's cool.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right?
Caesar Kalinowski:And you know, that's awesome.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right?
Caesar Kalinowski:So that's so cool.
Caesar Kalinowski:Treat her like a princess, you know, open doors for them.
Caesar Kalinowski:Take a lot of pictures, post them online on your Facebook.
Caesar Kalinowski:Bragging about your daughter.
Caesar Kalinowski:Trust me, man.
Caesar Kalinowski:They love that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, don't worry about being a little over the top.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's, it's, it's embarrassingly awesome.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Now.
Caesar Kalinowski:And you have to do that appropriately to their age, you know what I mean?
Caesar Kalinowski:But listen, no one is usually too bummed when someone over loves 'em, you know?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like, right.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, start, um, building or build on traditions too, as you go on.
Caesar Kalinowski:More and more dates together over time.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like, you know, you found someplace you really liked and like, that was the best dessert we ever had.
Caesar Kalinowski:So every time you go there, we always have to have the chocolate volcano take cake, you know?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like, we have to, or, you know, whenever we go out, we've always gotten, you know, um.
Caesar Kalinowski:Just have of ice cream and we just do it.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's our thing, you know, we always end the date with that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like build on or build new traditions, you know, and, and just spoiler a little bit.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's beautiful.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's really, it's okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, and remember, you get to be the first at a lot of things with your daughter.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, I was my daughter's first date and I like to think I was her first.
Caesar Kalinowski:True love.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Get choked up.
Caesar Kalinowski:Ooh, wow.
Caesar Kalinowski:I, I took her to her first musical.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, we had many of her favorite foods to this day and experiences for the first time when we were together on dates.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:And
Caesar Kalinowski:she'll tell you that, you know, but most importantly of all, you get to set the bar for how she'll expect to be treated by boys and then other men for the rest of her life.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:So, set the bar high.
Caesar Kalinowski:You're the first one who gets to set the bar on her value and how she'll be treated.
Caesar Kalinowski:So set that bar
Heath Hollensbe:high.
Heath Hollensbe:The next question I was gonna ask was along those lines of how has dating your daughters.
Heath Hollensbe:Affected your relationships with them now as adults?
Heath Hollensbe:Like has it affected, uh, their relationships with men, with their own husbands?
Heath Hollensbe:The, the, the, I know Chris, I mean, Daniel, Christin's husband is a stud and, uh, great guy.
Heath Hollensbe:And because you set the bar high from a young age, like, Hey, this is, this is the expectation of, of how a man should treat you.
Heath Hollensbe:And he's awesome.
Heath Hollensbe:Right?
Heath Hollensbe:And she
Caesar Kalinowski:knew that.
Caesar Kalinowski:And there was other guys she dated.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's like they weren't hitting the mark.
Caesar Kalinowski:They weren't hitting the bar, and they were good guys.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know what I mean?
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:It wasn't like they were evil or, you know, just, but it wasn't She knew.
Caesar Kalinowski:She knew.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:She knew what she was expecting, so.
Heath Hollensbe:So you've seen it happen.
Heath Hollensbe:You've seen it.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I, you know, I still try and date my daughters, you know, even though they're adults and like in this, in this case, Christin Now's married and has her own son who she needs to start dating soon.
Caesar Kalinowski:He's only five months.
Caesar Kalinowski:But, um, but the trust and the closeness.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I say the friendship that we now share with our kids, um, both of us as adults now they're adults too, was in part or largely formed during these times and dates so much of normal life.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, even if you're a great parent and you're loving, it's still, you know, you're like, it's like, Hey, you gotta get that homework done.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hey, let's clean the room.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hey, it's time for bed.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hey.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know what I mean?
Caesar Kalinowski:Like, it's life, right?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:These sort of cherished moments build a closeness and a friendship there.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yes, our dating really did have a big effect on their relationships with boys and then men.
Caesar Kalinowski:I can't tell you how many times my daughters would, you know, come home, you know, later in life from their own dates with young men.
Caesar Kalinowski:Until Tina and I, how disappointed they were at the guy's manners, or how picky was when he, you know, everything, everything we ate, he was just super picky about it.
Caesar Kalinowski:He didn't like anything.
Caesar Kalinowski:Or just the opposite.
Caesar Kalinowski:They would light up and tell us when a data there has actually hit the mark.
Caesar Kalinowski:And he made them feel respected and cherished.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:And they looked for these qualities.
Caesar Kalinowski:Then they, they really did.
Caesar Kalinowski:And we'd talk about it.
Caesar Kalinowski:They're like, well, he was fun, but I don't know.
Caesar Kalinowski:I, I didn't feel safe.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, I didn't feel protected, you know?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Or like, I think he respects me, but it was so I, it wasn't, nah, it's not what I'm looking for.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know what I mean?
Caesar Kalinowski:And so they looked for the qualities in men that they had been shown and modeled on our dates together.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's cool.
Caesar Kalinowski:Imperfect for sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, I'm not a perfect husband.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm not a perfect man.
Caesar Kalinowski:I wasn't a perfect dad.
Caesar Kalinowski:I wasn't a perfect daddy date.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:But man, over time, that intentionality.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And like you said, you know my daughter Chris, and Mary Daniel, he's a great guy, man.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And he was that guy that right away she could point to all these things.
Caesar Kalinowski:Were like, dad, that's what, that's what God has.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's what I want.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's we've been praying for.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, and, and he is in spades.
Caesar Kalinowski:I love him.
Caesar Kalinowski:Love you, Daniel.
Heath Hollensbe:Now, one of the things that you had just even mentioned was.
Heath Hollensbe:You know, you weren't a perfect dad.
Heath Hollensbe:You weren't even a perfect daddy date.
Heath Hollensbe:Is there a redemptive sort of quality to having these consistent dates with your daughters?
Heath Hollensbe:See, like, you know, is there a way to go back in time a little and address maybe some of the hurts or the missteps or the bad marks you've made on them in your parenting?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:I, I mean, I think there's always opportunity for that life period, right?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:But you know, like I said, Tina and I are a super blessed couple and we've done a lot of things wrong, but this dating our kids thing was, was, was on the mark, right.
Caesar Kalinowski:Taking them out on dates and, and I think partly because these date times provide the opportunity to actually right.
Caesar Kalinowski:Some wrongs that we made to seek forgiveness, you know, and, and both give.
Caesar Kalinowski:Receive grace from one another.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, it's when you're kind of having that time where these guards down, it's super fun.
Caesar Kalinowski:Mm-hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:You're showing love and affection and focus on your daughter.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's the perfect time to say, Hey honey, you remember that conversation we had last week?
Caesar Kalinowski:Be honest with me.
Caesar Kalinowski:Did that hurt you when I said that?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, I thought so.
Caesar Kalinowski:I wanna ask you to forgive me for that.
Caesar Kalinowski:That was just selfish and Dad.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:And they're always so full of grace.
Caesar Kalinowski:Oh, dad.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, it's, you're okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's like, no, it's not.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay, honey.
Caesar Kalinowski:That was super selfish.
Caesar Kalinowski:And what I said was mean and just Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski:I love you.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's not how I see you.
Caesar Kalinowski:Can you forgive me?
Caesar Kalinowski:My karma's dead.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know?
Caesar Kalinowski:So yeah, these, I think these, these dates provide like a super, uh.
Caesar Kalinowski:Extra opportunity.
Caesar Kalinowski:Sure.
Caesar Kalinowski:For like redemption and like I said, grace to be given and received.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I often, when I would receive grace in those situations for my daughters, I believed it.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:It, it wasn't just like, yeah, I wanna get outta the conversation.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's awkward.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:It is.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's like, no, I really, yeah, that was good.
Caesar Kalinowski:That was right.
Caesar Kalinowski:Pretty sweet.
Caesar Kalinowski:Pretty important I think.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:And I'm noticing that we do daddy dates with, uh, my three boys because they're a bit older.
Heath Hollensbe:Reagan is obviously, uh, too young to remember anything right now, but how old's Reagan.
Heath Hollensbe:18, 19 months.
Heath Hollensbe:But, but they become such, I mean, you really do get to see their personality shut when it's just you and them, the honesty, the walls come down, that sibling
Caesar Kalinowski:dynamic kind of peels back.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:'cause which don't underestimate that, you know?
Caesar Kalinowski:Totally.
Caesar Kalinowski:When they have the guard up or their persona on to be around their siblings.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:'cause you know, in a, in a typical household environment, you're, they're getting the attention that everyone else kind of is.
Heath Hollensbe:And so when you actually prime away, I mean, they come to life.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:And, and one of the things that, I'm just thinking off the cuff.
Heath Hollensbe:Is, I don't know if he experienced it 'cause you were dating years ago, but I'm just amazed at how, and my wife is constantly on me about it.
Heath Hollensbe:Put your cell phones down.
Heath Hollensbe:Right.
Heath Hollensbe:I think that's something that you would say that may, we didn't even put on the list yet, but like the importance of just that time when you're together, don't be, don't be checking emails, don't be getting your news alerts on your phone.
Heath Hollensbe:Like that's a Well, I'm gonna
Caesar Kalinowski:give, I'm gonna give everybody, um, the perfect daddy daughter.
Caesar Kalinowski:Date checklist.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:Anybody who wants it.
Caesar Kalinowski:I, I spent a lot of time working this out.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's like a full checklist from how you pull out your counter and set the day to, you know, everything to do and not forget and, oh, don't forget to take pictures before you leave and then take a pic, you know?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:I mean, it's like everything.
Caesar Kalinowski:So even if you're brand new to this and you have pretty low intentionality, the checklist was, it'll give you the perfect daddy daughter date.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:So, okay,
Heath Hollensbe:so if you're a listener like me, excited right now, uh, and you want some tangible things that you could walk away with.
Heath Hollensbe:This is the time where we do it during the big three each week.
Heath Hollensbe:Yep.
Heath Hollensbe:Um, it's, if you're driving, you can't take the notes.
Heath Hollensbe:We've got it all packaged.
Heath Hollensbe:We've done the notes for you and we're gonna give 'em to you for free the big three this week.
Heath Hollensbe:All you've gotta do to get it is go to everyday Disciple dot com slash big three.
Heath Hollensbe:So the big three are the big takeaways we wanna leave people with that they can tangibly jump on right now.
Heath Hollensbe:What are the big three for this week?
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:First, it's never too late or too early to get started dating your daughter or son.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hm.
Caesar Kalinowski:And if you've never done this and your, maybe your daughter's a teenager already, the next best time to get started is now.
Caesar Kalinowski:Don't feel like I missed it and uh, that would've been great.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'll start with the younger ones, like, no, do it.
Caesar Kalinowski:Explain that this is something that you wanna try out.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, like, don't scare 'em.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like, this is our new thing.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, I, I wanna try this, honey, and, and be sure to let her pick everything you do or don't do on that first date.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's cool.
Caesar Kalinowski:Especially if they're a little older.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:But it's never too late or too early.
Caesar Kalinowski:Get started, get after it.
Caesar Kalinowski:Uh, number two, dating your daughter is a crucial part of intentional parenting.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:So much.
Caesar Kalinowski:I look back at my parenting and it was not that intentional.
Caesar Kalinowski:It was like, get through the day, get through the week, get through the school year,
Heath Hollensbe:get 'em in showers.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, it just is.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:And that's real.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, but this is a. Critical part of intentional parenting.
Caesar Kalinowski:It takes time, it takes some planning, it takes humility on your part, actually, you know?
Caesar Kalinowski:Mm. Uh, but the benefits last a lifetime.
Caesar Kalinowski:Developing predictable patterns and anticipation are also key here.
Caesar Kalinowski:So it's fun to get out your calendar and plan your date nights together months in advance.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:So, you know, she knows, you know, start off by maybe trying to have a monthly date and then, you know, just watch.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's more fun when you both can look forward to those special times.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like, Hey, is that it's this Friday, you know, it's next Friday.
Caesar Kalinowski:Oh, I can't wait.
Caesar Kalinowski:We're gonna go here.
Caesar Kalinowski:I changed my mind.
Caesar Kalinowski:We're gonna go, you know?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's just don't spring it on her.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like, Hey, let's get in a car.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, like, right.
Caesar Kalinowski:We're leaving.
Caesar Kalinowski:So, yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's intentional.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:And then number three is, and, and so like it's download that free perfect daddy daughter date checklist right now.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski:All right.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's like if, if you're driving you camp and as soon as you get there, just get the big three, get the checklist and I'll give you step by step advice and suggestions for putting together.
Caesar Kalinowski:Really great dates with your daughter.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay.
Caesar Kalinowski:This is some time tested stuff that I know that people love and find helpful.
Caesar Kalinowski:So that's really the third of the big three is get that like don't have to recreate the wheel and if you're already good at it, then two things like maybe you pick up a
Heath Hollensbe:few new ideas.
Heath Hollensbe:Yep.
Heath Hollensbe:I was actually sneaking over to the website to start entering my email address to get the, the big three as you're talking.
Heath Hollensbe:'cause I really want that checklist.
Heath Hollensbe:And if you want the download of this week's big three takeaways, all you gotta do, it's go to everyday Disciple dot com slash big three.
Heath Hollensbe:You're gonna receive the notes for this week's big three, as well as that free perfect daddy daughter date checklist.
Heath Hollensbe:And one of the things we like to ask you to do is if you're enjoying this, and this is helpful.
Heath Hollensbe:Share this with somebody you love.
Heath Hollensbe:Pass on the blessing.
Heath Hollensbe:And maybe there's somebody in your life or your Missional Community that could benefit.
Heath Hollensbe:Maybe they have a young daughter.
Heath Hollensbe:You could go, Hey, just listen to this great podcast.
Heath Hollensbe:I've got a checklist printout for you.
Caesar Kalinowski:Pass on the bless.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, right.
Caesar Kalinowski:Send 'em to the site.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like get the word out.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:We're trying to help you.
Caesar Kalinowski:Love on your daughters.
Caesar Kalinowski:Also help us pass that on.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, a lot of people we don't.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:And like you just had mentioned, uh, on Facebook, if you just search for the Everyday Disciple Podcast, there's a growing army of people that are engaging weekly conversations with you and I.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:And it'd be a great place to hear like, Hey, went on the date night.
Heath Hollensbe:This is what we did.
Heath Hollensbe:Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe:Don't, this is a question I to ask.
Caesar Kalinowski:Don't not impress anybody, just what did you do?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, great question.
Caesar Kalinowski:Love that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, love it.
Heath Hollensbe:So let's, let's keep the dialogue going there.
Heath Hollensbe:Thanks for joining us today.
Heath Hollensbe:For more information on this show and to get loads of free discipleship resources, visit everyday Disciple dot com and remember.
Heath Hollensbe:You really can live with the spiritual freedom and relational peace that Jesus promised every day.
