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Episode 1- Continued – Intro to Love in Your Life
Episode 130th April 2019 • Love In Your Life • Dolah Saleh
00:00:00 00:17:45

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I augmented my intro show to get more specific.

I hope to help and what I understand about the evolution and purpose of lifelong learning—and I continue of course, down the path of learning, as we all do–is to share with those who may benefit from the lessons that you have taken time to learn… in the hopes, of course, to save them some time in confronting the same or similar setbacks that you have. For me, it is the subject of the “most suited career path” but from the 20+ years of working with people, I recognize it spills over into our personal lives. We all want to know that our lives matter, we matter and that we are living under a purpose designed uniquely for us. And to be perfectly frank, I took an unscientific poll asking folks, in particular younger folks, what it is they need, what they listen to (podcasts), what they find of interest and they almost always say “self-help.” Perhaps because today our lives are so often "on the move," leaving little time to sit down with a good book, we find that listening to podcasts and books on tape makes practical sense. And when I inquire further, they are seeking advice -again, of the practical kind that will help them in their day-to-day lives.

So in my corner of the world, what we do for a living is an area where most of us… especially young people need validation and encouragement on how to best choose a path that suits us and allows us to be happy and successful. And they–the more youthful, again–especially DO NOT want to work 60-80 hours a week to become physically spent and have little to no leisure time remaining. They look at their parents and see how they do not want “that!” So they are clearly more OPEN to advice on how to get their careers RIGHT FOR THEM. Unlike generations before them, they do not want to work FOR MONEY but FOR JOY and JOB SATISFACTION and that is a huge takeaway!

The other motivator for me is what became painfully clear working with my clients: their questions–why did I not have this information sooner, why did I “waste” time here, and especially how is it I cannot believe in myself adequately, etc. It is that self-blame and disappointment that leads us to the self-esteem issue. That is a hot button for me–my belief is that each of us deserves to be happy and successful because we are worthy of it and deserve to be, do and have what we want for ourselves.

So first, there is a difference between saying to oneself, I am a failure rather than I have failed here. One is an indictment on self-esteem as words do matter (especially those we tell ourselves) so that calling oneself names injures your self-esteem and the other simply recognizes that you have behaved in a manner inconsistent with your potential… this can often make an enormous difference! Think of it as the NOUN format that assigns a “permanent” label versus the VERB indicative of temporary behavior and action… the latter can be un-done and re-done and the former just reinforces a negative image of oneself that becomes onerous and almost impossible to overcome.

We begin by distilling the notion of I can’t and rather restate the challenge as I have not (yet). It may even be appropriate sometimes to state how I will not, but certainly, the idea behind both is that I can change if I choose. So beginning there is a very good place to start.

Then comes the awareness that is inevitable in the results of validated assessment instruments that allow one to uncover drivers and motivators behind the personality. And another “behind the scenes” notion on this comes from one of my favorite authors, Gary Zukav, who wrote The Seat of the Soul. In this book, he makes a case for the personality becoming one with the soul. Okay, so here we risk getting esoteric on the subject, but what he says in plain language is this: 

We come here, each of us, in an evolutionary journey of the Soul. Our jobs play a role in how the personality we are here with “this time” aligns with what the soul, the deepest part of ourselves, wants. When that happens, we choose the “right people” in our lives, the “right careers,” etc., to help us achieve what we came here to do. Now if that is way out there for you personally, it’s okay. We still have this idea that each of us has a purpose, and it is for us to identify what that is so we can live our best life. 

It is my sincere hope that I address how it is we can better ensure that we are on the right career path in order to achieve our own version of happiness and success. We have talked about being open to this idea that there is something INTENDED for you, a specific purpose and then gaining an awareness of what that is through some introspective work, perhaps with the assistance of a professional assessment tool. Now, let me get clear on what that is. Some listeners may know exactly what those are, may have even taken one or two, others may not have a clue what I am referring to so allow me to explain.

There are questionnaires specifically designed to ask questions and get individual responses on several items, all of which draw a picture of a person’s needs …some of you have heard of “personality tests (although I dislike that label). Most all the professional assessment instruments have been put through the rigors of the American Psychological Association and deemed validated and reliable. This means that they meet the guidelines for measuring what they say they are measuring and that the results will prove consistent over time. Once a report is generated that reflects the totality of candid responses, a trained professional de-briefs the individual, inviting their validation and engaging them in a discussion of practical use of what they glean.

So that is it. It is not an enormous deal, except to say that it CAN represent a huge influence on the individual’s future, particularly considering the variation uncovered between what they were doing and what they COULD do based on what the reports show along with their personal validation. It helps clarify and identify what may represent the greatest opportunity to do what one loves.

And here is the greatest “side benefit” of this process. During countless de-brief sessions, folks not only come away having gained additional insights about themselves and their unique needs. There is self-acceptance if not all the way to self-love outcomes. And interestingly, one easily connects the idea of their personal uniqueness and how others too are worthy of the same considerations. Judgment falls away and we wish for all to live lives of authentic truth. If there was a beautiful part of my career in engaging in this type of work, it is this:

It’s like we come to an inevitable place of uniting with the rest of humanity, seeing them for their uniqueness and understanding that each individual deserves to be happy -no matter what–and accepted as we live out our lives and meet our needs in the world.