Are you longing to unlock the secret to true happiness? Are you prepared to get real about what is truly holding you back? Are you ready to shed your addictions and adopt new, healthy ways of living? If the answer is 'YES', then you have no choice but to press PLAY!

DISCOVER YOUR PURPOSE

Text DISCOVER to 55444

Meet Sonia Kahlon, a powerful and radiant woman whose life story contradicts the common narrative of success. From running a thriving dental practice as an orthodontist to facing the trials of alcoholism, Sonia's experience offers a rare glimpse into the complexity of human resilience. After selling her business and enduring the pain of a broken marriage, she embarked on a path to sobriety, uncovering a sense of genuine joy and purpose along the way.

This episode is a testament to the strength found in vulnerability and the beauty of rebuilding life on one's own terms.

Key Takeaways

• The illusion of success and how it masks deeper personal struggles.
• The journey from alcohol dependency to sobriety and the pivotal moments that inspire change.
• The importance of community support in overcoming addiction and rediscovering oneself.
• Rebuilding life after loss and finding authentic happiness in simplicity and purpose.

Links & Resources Mentioned

• EverBlume: A supportive community for women on their sobriety journey. Learn more + Join at JoinEverBlume.com
• Sisters in Sobriety on Apple Podcast: This is Sonia's podcast.
• EverBlume on Medium: Sonia shares her personal reflections and experiences with sobriety. ).

Today's Awesome Guest

SONIA KAHLON

Sonia's narrative is a powerful reminder that behind every "successful" façade can lie hidden battles. As the co-founder of a thriving dental practice, she not only achieved professional heights but also faced personal lows. But like any great story, the ending is the best! Sonia would embark on a journey of sobriety, leading her in a whole new incredible direction. She is the founder of EverBlume, an online community for women navigating their relationship with alcohol. Sonia's story is a compelling example of how the darkest moments can lead to the brightest futures.

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I urge you to join me for an episode that will challenge your perceptions, inspire your path, and perhaps, change your life. Just press PLAY on Sonia Kahlon's story of transformation and find inspiration to embark on your own journey to authentic happiness.

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© 2024 Grit, Grace, & Inspiration

0:00:39 - (Kevin Lowe): They were doing amazing. And from the outside, her life looked perfect. But what you didn't see was what was happening on the inside. Because starting way back when Sonia was just a child, she would discover the power of alcohol. The alcohol helped the anxiety. It just made her feel good. And as she would grow up, she would find herself drinking a little more, a little more and a little more. While in dental school, she'd be going on three day bingers on her days off.

0:01:57 - (Kevin Lowe): This is the story of Sonya Callan. This is episode 266. What's up, my friend? And welcome to Grit, grace and inspiration. I am your host, Kevin Lowe. 20 years ago, I awoke from a life saving surgery only to find that I was left completely blind. And since that day, I've learned a lot about life, a lot about living, and a lot about myself. And here on this podcast, I want to share those insights with you.

0:02:57 - (Kevin Lowe): Can't wait to crush it this week? Or are you already dreading the mere thought that, OMG, here we go again. If you are anything less than enthused when you wake up on Monday morning, well, my friend, I encourage you to find your purpose, to discover your reason why, to identify your own personal north Star, because when you figure that out and then you start designing your life around that purpose, oh, my gosh, you start waking up on Monday morning as excited as you do on Saturday.

0:03:59 - (Sonia Kahlon): I grew up in Toronto, and my parents were indian immigrants, so they were pretty strict growing up, and the main topic was always academics. So it was like, how are you doing in school? How can we do better? And so it was a pretty disciplined environment in that way. And I think that from an early age, that gave me anxiety, and I didn't know to put a word on it, but I think now I know that that's what it was. And so, yeah, I just had this kind of grew up with this anxiety. Always feeling like I wasn't good enough, so always feeling like my grades weren't high enough, I'm not tall enough.

0:05:14 - (Sonia Kahlon): And, yeah, as a teenager, I was before probably the drinking, like, very anxious and didn't fit in and very quiet and always felt left out. And then the drinking sort of changed that for me. I felt like it kind of gave me a new edge. And so, yeah, that's what growing up was like.

0:05:49 - (Sonia Kahlon): It for sure translated into school, because I grew up in a predominantly white neighborhood, and I was just, like, five shades darker. And I think that I was always really aware that I didn't look like the blonde haired, blue eyed girls. And, yeah, it was hard to not understand why I was different, but to know that I didn't fit in and I didn't really know my parents were not really. We didn't really practice our culture that much. They were really assimilated, so we ate indian food. But I didn't grow up, like, watching Bollywood movies and having a lot of pride in indian culture, so I just felt different.

0:06:46 - (Sonia Kahlon): I do remember my very first drink. It was, like, probably a boyfriend when I was, like, 13 or 14 that had, like, a bottle of something, and I had a swig of some sort of hard liquor, and it burned on the way down, but then minutes later, just, like, very warm feeling. And after that, there's a lot of drinking in indian culture. And so my parents always had a bar in every house we lived in some sort of bar in the basement and filled with hard liquor, just filled with, like, johnny Walker and Crown Royal. And so after that, I started sneaking alcohol from that bar at night after everyone would go to.

0:07:45 - (Sonia Kahlon): I would say high school was pretty stable. It's not like I would be hungover during the day. I didn't do it every day. Maybe a couple of times on the weekends I would test it out. And then when I got to college, it was my main way of socializing, and I don't think I ever socialized again without alcohol. And so it really made me kind of able to fit into different groups. And I always say I became, like, a mimic a little bit where I could fit into any group and kind of change my personality to fit the group. And I think the drinking allowed that, because I think when you're sober, it's very hard to do that.

0:08:43 - (Sonia Kahlon): Oh, yeah, so many. And I think I just never really had a really good concept of myself, if that makes sense. I didn't know who I was, so when I would kind of call it, like, code switch a little bit, it wasn't inauthentic in the sense that I had this authentic self and I was betraying it. It was more. I don't know who I am. So I'm going to try this Persona on.

0:09:16 - (Sonia Kahlon): Yeah, it wasn't that far. I'm from Toronto, and it was in Toronto, but I lived on campus, so a lot of freedom that I had never had.

0:09:48 - (Sonia Kahlon): So I think I've always had this sense that I have to do well in school. And I would say the partying definitely affected it. But I was always super aware that at some point I had to do something with my life. And it was like my parents were waiting for me to do something with my life. And so I always kind of kept it where it didn't seem like there was ever a problem. I didn't fail any classes. I mean, I wasn't doing great. I was just sort of, like, maintaining so that no one would really notice that there was anything going on.

0:10:29 - (Sonia Kahlon): Yeah. So with my parents, there was only a couple of options. It was like, you can be a doctor, you can be a dentist, you can be a pharmacist. And so I sort of just picked the one in the middle, and I became a dentist. So I left Toronto and moved to Boston, and I went to dental school. And again, just, like, not inauthentic career choice, but mean, did I love, like. Yeah. Did I have a burning desire to do a job with my hands?

0:11:20 - (Kevin Lowe): Yeah, you check the boxes. So that's good. Now, talking about meeting a reasonable human being. Talk to me about that aspect of life. When did you meet the man who you would end up marrying?

0:12:05 - (Kevin Lowe): Okay, wow. Now, I'm curious about the drinking, because dental school is no joke. But were you still drinking? Was that still a part of you? The drinking all through dental school.

0:12:54 - (Sonia Kahlon): Right. I had to go to school every day from nine to. Sometimes it was like nine to seven and then come home and study. And so it really kept me on the straight and narrow, except for those times where I could kind of go wild.

0:13:28 - (Sonia Kahlon): Yeah. So when I started working, I finally had a normal schedule. I worked from nine to six, and it was a really normal thing to me to come home and open a bottle of wine. And it started just like that, where I would come home, open a bottle of wine and felt like sophisticated and adult. And if I had a bad day at work, it felt way better. And it just made everything better. It made, like watching a show better. And so I think I never was used to just having a drink. That wasn't my method of drinking, my pattern. And so I don't remember ever starting at one glass of wine, but probably starting at like, two or three glasses of wine a night and then progressing to a lot more than that every night.

0:14:25 - (Kevin Lowe): Yeah. Now, did your husband drink also?

0:14:46 - (Kevin Lowe): Yeah. Understood. Talking about that, when was the first time that you ever even thought, do I have a problem?

0:15:46 - (Sonia Kahlon): I didn't see kind of a light at the end of the tunnel for how much I was working. And then on top of that, sort of, like, severe depression, anxiety, I felt terrible all the time, physically. Right. And so we eventually got a great offer to sell the practice. And it's when we sold the practice that I had that mental space to think, okay, this isn't just a problem that can be solved with antidepressants, which partly it can't. But there is another thing, is that you're using a depressant every night. You're using alcohol on top of this antidepressant.

0:16:33 - (Kevin Lowe): Yeah, absolutely. Because you kind of talked about earlier about drinking, a big part in your culture. So was that still a big deal? Would you say that family members were alcoholics?

0:17:17 - (Sonia Kahlon): So that was another thing that was hard to kind of admit, but seeing sort of that genetic link kind of also was, like, another reason to think maybe there's a problem.

0:17:42 - (Sonia Kahlon): Yeah. I think what's interesting in our case is that we started, our relationship started while we were in school. So that was always sort of like a part. Our career was always sort of a part of our relationship, and then we both became orthodontists, and so that was, like, another part of our relationship, and it was pretty natural to start a practice together. It didn't start off. It started off when we started that I was still working somewhere else. He was still working somewhere else. It was like one or two days a week, and then over seven, eight, nine years, our practice was big, and we were there every day. But, yeah, looking back, I think you get to see a side of somebody that you haven't seen before.

0:18:40 - (Sonia Kahlon): Yeah, we had multiple offices, so it was not typical for us to be in the same physical location, but we were running a business together, so there was a lot of communication about the business.

0:19:05 - (Sonia Kahlon): Yes, it was a random thing where I was looking for another orthodontist to work for us. So I contacted, like, a headhunter, and the headhunter said, have you ever thought about selling? I have a group that wants to buy orthodontic offices in Pennsylvania, and I had not even thought about it. I didn't even know that was an option to sell. And what made it attractive was that we had seven offices, and so they really wanted, like, a big footprint. And so, yeah, we were sort of the ideal practice for them to buy to start with. And I remember knowing I had to do it. I remember telling my husband at the time, we have to do this.

0:20:14 - (Kevin Lowe): Yeah, absolutely. But, I mean, first and foremost, though, applause to you guys for building that level of a business. That's incredible.

0:20:35 - (Kevin Lowe): Yeah, absolutely. So what did life kind of look like and direction did it take after the sale of the business?

0:21:30 - (Sonia Kahlon): I knew. I was like, you know what? It's because I'm drunk every night that I can't complete anything. And I was still feeling like garbage. So a few months after the sale, it was pretty quick that I thought, I have to do something about this. I don't know how even saying I'm going to do something about it means there's a problem. And I just kept thinking, let me try going a day. Let me try going a day. And I couldn't go a day without drinking.

0:22:29 - (Sonia Kahlon): And then, yeah, opportunity came where I had gone out on a Saturday night, and I had, like, this vicious hangover, which was normal for me, and blacking out was normal. But I don't know. I guess I just hit this point where I was like, I can't do this anymore. And I was like, I'm not going to drink tonight. And then I didn't. And then I just was like, I'm not going to drink the next night. And then I didn't. And then, yeah, I started to string together a week and then two, and then a month and then a few months, and then probably around.

0:23:14 - (Kevin Lowe): Yeah. Now, did you have help through a program like aa or anything like that?

0:23:52 - (Sonia Kahlon): I told my family, but I didn't go to meetings I wanted to. And whenever I would mention it, he was like, what if a patient of ours is there? What if a friend of ours is there? And I was like, yeah, that means they're there. They have the same problem. But, no, he was really against it. And so that was really tough. But luckily, I did have my brother. My brother was in AA, and so we talked a lot about aa and recovery.

0:24:23 - (Kevin Lowe): I mean, first and mean, that's incredible that you were able to basically do it yourself, especially with a lifetime of drinking up to this point, basically, yeah.

0:25:04 - (Kevin Lowe): Yeah, no doubt. Now, what did life kind of look like for you after this, after getting sober? How did life change in many different facets, from relationships to just your personal life?

0:26:29 - (Sonia Kahlon): But he didn't comment on the meat of whatever I had written. He really didn't want to talk about it now.

0:26:42 - (Sonia Kahlon): I think he did. I think he didn't vocalize a problem. And I think this is sort of the issue with relationships in sobriety, is that you have to be communicating all the time. Right. This is a major lifestyle shift. And I think that that's sort of where I went wrong, is I didn't ask him how he felt about my sobriety. I didn't. I just didn't. Or about me writing about it or telling people about it. I just didn't ask. I just assumed it was okay.

0:27:18 - (Sonia Kahlon): Yeah. So kind of went on. It was funny. I was in the middle of writing something, and he had been kind of miserable for a while, so he didn't have the same reaction to selling the business that I did. It was not the world opening up. It was like the world closed for him, and his life got very small, and all he really cared about was starting another business. He couldn't figure out what he wanted to do.

0:28:14 - (Sonia Kahlon): Not a very typical family structure, but I have, like, three nieces, two sister in laws that are my main family structure. And I loved being around them, especially sober. Who wants to be around teenagers when you're drunk, right? And then one was younger than that, and so I was really happy. And at that time, we were living in New York, and they had all come to visit in New York the weeks before this, and it was really fun.

0:29:15 - (Sonia Kahlon): And he left. He left really abruptly, and that was devastating.

0:29:38 - (Sonia Kahlon): Yeah, I mean, that is sort of the cliff notes of it, is what. That's what it looks like. And unfortunately, I never got an explanation. He disappeared. So he left that day and slowly just started decreasing communication until within a month, he hadn't come back, and he had stopped texting, and I never heard from him again. After 18 years, I still, to this day, have not heard from him.

0:30:09 - (Sonia Kahlon): Yeah. I reached out and with final kind of text, like, not sure what to do here. Haven't heard from you, going to contact a lawyer, nothing. And the best this is actually. And there's very little that's funny about this, but what is funny is that because we weren't in communication, I had to serve him divorce papers by using his doordash app and seeing where he was having food delivered.

0:30:41 - (Sonia Kahlon): And cross checking it with his uber. Like, our uber and doordash apps, and, like, okay, he's been here for two days. Let's go.

0:30:56 - (Sonia Kahlon): Yeah. So I can laugh at it now, but at the time. Oh, my God.

0:31:24 - (Sonia Kahlon): So, that was this past year, 2023. After he left, I really struggled with my sobriety a lot and didn't know how I would stay sober and was just like, what did I do this for? What was the point? I'miserable. Like, I have no life. Like, this person who I'd built my life around is gone. And so it took a lot to kind of stay sober, and I did and went to meetings and just talked about it a lot with my family. Like, I feel like drinking, I feel like doing drugs, and just kind of really back to that day to day.

0:32:37 - (Sonia Kahlon): And I had started a company that does sobriety, like offers women's groups, sobriety groups. And so I had a meeting that day on my birthday with the ladies. And then my nieces and my sister in law were like, we'll come take you to dinner. I'm like, yeah, but my meeting is till like, eight. I have to walk my dogs after. By the time I'm going to be ready to go, it'd be almost nine. They're like, no, we're coming.

0:33:43 - (Sonia Kahlon): And so, yeah, this moment just crystallized in my mind where I thought, I love these people so much. This is unconditional love too, right? They are not going to leave. They're not going to leave. They're okay that I'm happy with too little. They're proud of me, that I'm sober. And, yeah, I remember getting back home and getting in bed and just being like, I'm so lucky. It still really hurts that I lost. My husband lost is kind of like that. My husband left and that life will never be the same, but it's different and it's really still good.

0:34:55 - (Sonia Kahlon): Oh, my God. Yeah. I mean, if you think about when you're drinking, part of you has that shame of knowing that what you're doing is hurting you and people around you. And so you have this tendency to isolate, especially from people you're really close to. So I had isolated myself from my nieces and my sister in laws during that period. When I say I wish I was further along, a lot of things have changed.

0:35:30 - (Kevin Lowe): Yeah. Amazing. Talk to me a little bit. You mentioned it briefly when you were sharing the story about your 45th birthday. Talk to me about this business, this company, organization, whatever it's called that does the groups. What led to that? What is it? Tell me all about it.

0:36:20 - (Sonia Kahlon): I still wanted to make connections. And the meetings that I went to just. That's not the point. The point is to share your story and then move to the next story. Right. The point is not to get feedback on your story. And the model is a drop in. So it's inconsistent. The people that are there. So some days there would be, like 250 people on a call, and some days there would be, like 75, and you don't recognize any of them. They kind of change. And I thought, this is not me. I need people who know me a little bit. Right. And so I need some consistency.

0:37:32 - (Sonia Kahlon): I just needed something different. And so, yeah, I made it where we match people into groups, not, like, demographically, but kind of what you're struggling with. And you meet every week, sometimes twice a week, if that's what you want. And they know each other, so ever. Bloom's been around for over a year, and a lot of these women have been there for the whole time, and they know each other. They'll say, like, hey, what happened with your sister when you had that talk with her? Or, oh, hey, what happened when you went to this party? And I know you were nervous about drinking, and did you drink? And so what I wanted to happen has happened for sure in the groups and probably even more than I expected. Like, that connection.

0:38:41 - (Sonia Kahlon): That's exactly. Actually, that idea came from my family when both my sister in laws have been divorced from my brother. Very unusual situation. And I would say my one sister in law I talked to every day and was like, I ate three tater tots today and a toast. And she's like, that's amazing. And I was like, right, yeah. Because yesterday I didn't eat almost anything. I think I had a yogurt yesterday.

0:39:36 - (Kevin Lowe): Yeah, absolutely. Talking about your sister in law, you and one of your sister in law, you have a podcast.

0:40:14 - (Sonia Kahlon): And so, yeah, we talk about a lot of different things in the podcast, and mostly how to change your relationship with alcohol and how that affects different things. We recorded this morning. Know, how does it affect dating which girl? Oh, my God. We just talk about whatever kind of, like, we set our topics based on things we've struggled with or things we have questions about. And so, yeah, I sure have struggled with, if you want to call it sober dating. And so we talked about it today, and I went through three of the worst dates I've ever had.

0:41:04 - (Sonia Kahlon): Those things that linger, and you're like, what would I do if. Yeah. So I asked her, I said, what would you have done in this situation when this guy started drinking martinis and getting trashed at dinner? And she's like, I mean, you should probably get up and leave. And I was like, okay, I didn't do that. I probably should.

0:41:44 - (Sonia Kahlon): Wow. Yeah, I've never thought about that. Yeah, I fit in now, but I'm not trying to fit in with people I don't need to fit in with, if that makes sense. So I'm a very quality of relationships versus quantity. So I don't have a ton of friends and a ton of people, but who I have are so solid and so consistent and so supportive that, yeah, I fit in. And so affirming, too, which is something I never grew up with and didn't have in my marriage either.

0:42:47 - (Kevin Lowe): Yeah, absolutely. Now, what about what you do as far as your everyday life work? You've talked about this whole organization you're running. Is that life? Is that work for you now?

0:43:45 - (Kevin Lowe): Yeah, absolutely. Remind me of the name and where we can find this organization for somebody who's listening today.

0:44:04 - (Kevin Lowe): Fantastic. And your podcast, sisters in sobriety.

0:44:21 - (Kevin Lowe): Yeah, absolutely. Well, I will be positive that both of those are linked in the show notes for easy access for anybody interested. Lastly, most importantly, thank you for being here today. Thank you for just sharing not only your story, but just who you are. I think you've obviously become a really amazing, beautiful woman who's found where she fits in in life. And sometimes that means fitting in just wherever you are, not trying to fit into a place or with a certain people, but you're who you are, attract the people to you, and I think you've done that.

0:45:14 - (Kevin Lowe): Well, thank you so much. I appreciate it. And for you listening today, as always, my hope, my prayer is that something said here on the podcast can mean something to you. So if you find yourself suffering, if you find yourself maybe where our guest was today, back a few steps behind. Check out the show notes today. Get plugged into her world. Because remember, the most important thing that you can do when you listen to this podcast is to put what you hear into action. My name is Kevin Lowe, and this is Grace at inspiration.