In episode 78, the focus is on understanding and embracing negative emotions. I explain that negative emotions such as fear, anger, sadness, anxiety, guilt, and frustration are part of the human experience and serve essential purposes.

These emotions act as survival mechanisms and play significant roles in social interactions, personal growth, decision-making, and adaptation.

By learning to process and allow these emotions, rather than resist or numb them, we can foster personal development and move forward in our lives without all the unnecessary suffering.

Key Moments:

00:43 Understanding Negative Emotions

04:46 The Role of Negative Emotions in Survival

06:44 Social and Psychological Functions of Negative Emotions

08:12 Personal Growth Through Negative Emotions

11:23 Processing and Allowing Negative Emotions

14:06 Practical Steps to Process Emotions

19:29 Building a Bigger Life by Embracing Emotions

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Welcome to This Daring Adventure podcast,

where we work on bridging the gap between

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where we are and where we want to be in

order to live a bigger and bolder life.

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In this podcast, we will provide

inspiration, tips, and skills

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you need to make your life the

adventure you want it to be.

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Here's your host, mindset mentor

and life coach Trista Guertin.

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Trista: Hey, everybody.

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Welcome back to another episode

of This Daring Adventure.

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Thank you so much for joining me.

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My name is Trista Guertin

and I am your host.

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This is episode 78.

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Negative emotion is not

a problem to be solved.

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And this is a great topic because

It affects all of us, and I

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see this happening so clearly

in myself and with my clients.

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And I wanted to share a little bit about

how we can change our perspective in order

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to move ourselves forward and learn how

not to avoid or fear negative emotions.

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the key thing here is to understand

What a negative emotion is and a

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negative emotion are feelings that

cause discomfort or distress and we

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perceive them as typically unpleasant.

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They are a contrast to positive emotions,

which we would associate from, or we would

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associate with pleasure and satisfaction.

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The most common negative emotions

would be fear, a response to perceived

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threats or danger that are often leading

to that fight or flight response.

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Anger, which is a reaction to

perceived wrongs or injustices,

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which can motivate action or defense.

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Sadness, which is a response to loss

or disappointment, often leading

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to introspection and reflection.

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Anxiety, a feeling of worry or an ease

about issues, potential future events,

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prompting caution and preparedness.

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guilt and shame, which are basically

feelings of responsibility or

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remorse for actions that conflict

with your personal values.

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Frustration, which is a reaction

to obstacles or challenges that

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hold you back, maybe impede your

progress or your progression.

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that impede your progress towards a goal.

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And there's jealousy and envy, which

are feelings of resentment towards

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others, particularly for their

success or for their advantages.

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And how do we know we are

feeling a negative emotion?

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Of course, there are physical sensations,

emotion is a vibration in your body.

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you will feel that physically.

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certainly with myself, I know I feel,

sometimes I even feel dizzy and I feel

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you feel that rise in your body, that

tension, or maybe an increased heart rate,

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maybe a sinking feeling in your stomach.

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There can be cognitive aspects, which

would influence your thoughts, leading to

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perhaps, talking negatively to yourself,

beating yourself up, criticizing, worry

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or rumination and a lot of thought

loops and then there are behavioral

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responses which negative emotions

can drive certain behaviors such as

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withdrawal aggression or avoidance.

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But the thing is we tend to believe

that these emotions mean that something

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has gone wrong that we need to fix

it and we need to try and get through

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it Or just avoid it altogether.

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in actual fact, they do send messages.

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They do serve a purpose.

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And overall, they're just a

part of the human experience.

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And I want to make sure that you

understand that nothing has gone wrong.

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If you are experiencing any of

those emotions, then it's for a

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reason and it is trying to tell you

something and it's not a problem.

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Part of what happens when we

experience a negative emotion is

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that it is a survival mechanism.

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Our brain uses fear, anger and

anxiety to help keep us alive.

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this is part of, the function

of the primitive part of our

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brain and it's kept us alive.

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It's kept us surviving for many

thousands, of years, and so we could

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use, fear to alert us to danger.

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And I mentioned the

fight or flight response.

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It's protection.

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We would protect ourselves in that case.

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If we feel anger, a threat to our

resources, ourselves, our social

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standing, and it might motivate us to

address injustices or defend ourselves.

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anxiety can help us to anticipate

potential threats or challenges,

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promoting caution and preparedness.

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Now, all of these emotions were probably a

lot more important back in the cave days.

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Our physical safety and survival

depended on our brain's reaction and its

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ability to protect us and keep us safe.

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It would use these emotions.

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These days, however, The threats to

our physical safety are fewer, and we

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tend to confuse a number of issues,

such as, email, traffic, the economy,

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social media as threats to, to us.

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And this is what our brain is

seeing as potential threats.

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But nonetheless, when you experience

these emotions it's still not a problem.

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And it really is just a part

of our evolutionary biology.

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Now, there is also a social function.

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Negative emotions can play

an important role in social

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interactions and community living.

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Guilt and shame, for instance, would

encourage us to adhere more to social

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norms and cooperation within groups.

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sadness can signal to others that we

need support and we want to create social

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bonds and have empathy for one another.

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There is also a psychological perspective

and emotional regulation includes negative

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emotions as a part of a balanced, healthy,

emotional life, helping us to regulate

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and respond to a number of situations.

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And there is the contrast effect.

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Which Experiencing negative emotions

can and will enhance our appreciation

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of positive ones, contributing to an

overall emotional richness and which

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is in fact the human experience.

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You cannot have happiness and joy without

the sadness, without the disappointment,

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without the anger, without the fear.

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It's that contrast of emotions

which makes us alive and makes

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all of the positive emotions that

much more enjoyable to experience.

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There is also an aspect of personal

growth and learning that negative

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emotions can provide valuable feedback

to our experiences and environment.

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Certainly frustration can alert

us to obstacles and challenges

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and prompt problem solving and

perseverance, which helps us to

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grow and to learn and to evolve.

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disappointment can help us to

reassess our goals and expectations.

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Looking at how we can learn, how we

can take what we have experienced and

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use it for ourselves and for really

everyone that we come in contact with.

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they can also help to signal

important information about

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our needs and our environment.

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Internal needs often, so negative emotions

can highlight unmet internal needs.

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Loneliness, boredom, certainly

loneliness can signal, a need for

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social connection and belonging and

building that intimacy with someone.

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Boredom can signal a lack of

stimulation or purpose and motivating

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us to seek Interesting, engaging

activities or more meaningful goals.

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Environmental cues, negative emotions

can act as an indicator of our

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surroundings and our situations.

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So if we're experiencing stress, obviously

it can alert us to potential overload

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or harmful environments, which would

encourage us to seek balance and healthier

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conditions and to take care of ourselves.

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Discomfort will signal something in

our environment that needs to change,

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such as personal boundaries being

crossed or values being compromised.

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And then there is the decision making and

adaptation where negative emotions can

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influence our decision making processes,

often guiding us towards better choices.

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Regret, for instance, will teach us

lessons about the past actions that

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we've taken and help us to shape

future behavior and decision making.

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Fear will help us to weigh risks

and benefits leading to possibly

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more cautious and informed choices.

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I think all of these things serve

us in a way that we are not taught

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to appreciate in and to understand,

certainly there are a lot of

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messages and I'm sure you can think

of examples yourself where we are

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encouraged not to dwell on some of

these, not to let ourselves feel

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them, that we shouldn't feel this way

and that something has gone wrong.

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But in actual fact, as you've

heard, this is not the case and

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that they do serve a purpose

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in that we can experience them

and, There are advantages and

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there are benefits in doing so.

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Now, an emotion is just a vibration in

your body and whether it's negative or

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positive it's not going to harm you.

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It's not going to affect you permanently.

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It is something that we can either

react to, we can resist, we can

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numb ourselves or buffer it away.

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Or we can allow it and process it.

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The ability for us to allow it and

to process it encourages it and

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allows for it to move through us in

a way that It doesn't prolong it.

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It doesn't strengthen it.

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It doesn't make it grow.

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And we avoid some of the net negative

effects of resisting it or reacting

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to it or numbering and buffering it.

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Reacting to an emotion would be slamming

doors, yelling at people, resisting

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it it's trying to push it away, trying

to keep yourself from feeling it.

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It's like holding a beach ball underwater.

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Just trying to push it away

and not allowing it in.

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Numbing and buffering can be doing

something else to the extent that it has a

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net negative effect in order not to feel.

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So if you are eating a pint of ice cream.

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Or drinking a bottle of wine or spending

too much money on online shopping or

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watching hours and hours of Netflix

all in order to cope with and avoid

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your negative emotions has a net

negative effect and it keeps us from

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allowing and processing our emotions.

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But the best way to experience

an emotion and negative emotion

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is to allow it and to process it.

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And we want to not suppress it.

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We don't want it to have an effect

on our mental or physical health.

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We don't want to take it out on

our loved ones or those around us.

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And certainly all of those ways,

reacting, resisting, Or numbing and

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buffering it, have a net negative

effect on ourselves and on our lives.

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So what we want to do, first of all, is

to gain awareness of what we're feeling.

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And you want to name that emotion

that you are experiencing.

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Is it disappointment?

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Is it frustration?

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Is it anger?

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Is it loneliness?

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Is it boredom?

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And then you want to sit with it

for a few minutes to allow it.

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And this is one of the most powerful

exercises that we can do for ourselves.

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Because instead of resisting it or

reacting to it or not, buffering

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it, we are allowing it to pass

through us and dissipate and we move

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through it in a way that does not.

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Make it grow.

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It does not make it harder for

ourselves in any way, shape or

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form, or for those around us.

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And we can move through the idea is

actually not to move through it quickly.

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that's not my message here.

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You don't have to get through it quickly.

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And certainly some emotions, if it,

depending on the situation, like anger

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or grief, sadness, you don't need to

move through it quickly, but at the

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same time, when you allow it and process

it, it does help it to move through

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you and it's not something that you

hang on to and that persists or grows

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over an extended period of time.

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I'm sure you all know people or

you've experienced this yourself,

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that you hold onto the emotion from

something that happened years ago.

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And this is not necessary.

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You may always feel a twinge

of grief, of sadness, of loss,

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depending on the situation.

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But these emotions do not need

to overwhelm you and they do not

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need to have a net negative effect

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and Processing looks like you first of

all having that awareness of what emotion

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you're feeling and then sitting with

it Take some time To sit quietly in a

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space where you won't be disturbed and

that you can take a few deep breaths

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and drop into your body and identify

where you're experiencing this emotion.

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And once you know where it is in your

body, I want you to start breathing

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into it, concentrate on where

you're feeling it and how it feels.

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Breathe, continue breathing into it.

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Focus your mind on the sensation.

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Your brain is going to wander off.

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It's just like meditation.

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Your brain will wander.

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It will think about what you're

going to have for dinner tonight.

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It will think about whether you need

to Give the dog a bath this weekend.

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It will think about your

pending to do list at work.

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That's okay When you notice it's wandered

off just bring it back and then focus on

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the sensation in your body Is it still?

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Is it moving?

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Is it hard?

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Is it heavy?

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Is it light?

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Does it have a color?

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Does it have a texture?

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So sit with it for a few minutes,

breathing into it and just really

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focusing on what's going on in your body.

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if you can do that, refocusing your

mind when it wanders off, reminding

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yourself just to be patient.

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Your only job is just to

experience that emotion.

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I know for myself that oftentimes I'm

in a hurry to okay, let's process this

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and get through it so that I start to

feel better and I let go, but I have

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to remind myself pretty much every

single time to just be patient, to just

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have that experience in the moment.

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And then in its own time, it will

dissipate, it will move through me I won't

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be feeling it as much as I did before.

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As I said, some emotions, depending

on the situation, maybe stronger.

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That's okay.

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You can repeat this process.

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Then once you've done that,

you will feel lighter.

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You will feel like you've let go

of some of that emotion, and then

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you can spend some time thinking

about what you want to think about

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it, what you want to feel about it.

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I will cover that in another episode,

but if you can just have that

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awareness of what you're feeling

and give yourself a few minutes.

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To just sit with it and feel it,

you will have a better overall

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experience of that negative emotion

and you will come to resist it less.

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You will not feel the need to react

to it or numb it and buffer it.

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You will know that you can experience

any emotion and allow for it,

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process it and get through it.

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this is one of the keys to getting

unstuck and to building a bigger life

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for yourself to going after what it

is you want to create and your goals

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and your dreams, because you will have

the tools to experience any emotion.

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So therefore, if you are going

after that big goal, which say

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is starting a business, No matter

what happens, you will know that

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you will be able to experience it.

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So if you've experienced a failure

or a disappointment, you can

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process it, you can allow for it

and process it and keep going.

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You won't fear it.

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You won't let that fear of

disappointment or failure stop you.

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You will know you'll be able to

experience it and keep going.

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And that's the key to doing it.

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accomplishing anything in

your life, have those skills

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allowing and processing emotion.

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remember that negative emotions

are not a problem to be solved.

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It's just a part of our human experience.

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They are a messenger.

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They are a mechanism for our protection

and for our survival, and they can

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have a number of positive effects

on our lives in a number of ways.

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They are nothing to fear.

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They do not mean stop.

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They do not mean that

anything has gone wrong.

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And your greatest tool will be

to allow it and to process it.

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It doesn't take a lot of time, but

it can be hugely effective in moving

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yourself forward and releasing any.

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Avoidance or reactivity or resistance

to experiencing your emotions.

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That's what I have for you today.

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Thank you so much for joining me.

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This is some of the most important

work that we can do, and it is what

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I teach in my coaching sessions.

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I have a very exciting new program

called the six week jumpstart to building

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a better relationship with yourself.

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I am super excited to share that with you.

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I'm spending a little bit of time at

home over the next couple of weeks,

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so there are limited spots on my

calendar for a consultation, but I

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will definitely be opening up more,

so keep your eyes open for that.

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And please don't hesitate to

reach out to me if you want to

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set something up bilaterally.

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We can do that.

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I would love to talk to you.

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I would love to share more about my

programs and tell you how coaching is

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really life changing and the skills and

the tools that I teach are yours for

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the rest of your life and will have an

impact and Really help you to approach

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problems and issues differently and to

help you to really get unstuck and Create

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the life that you want for yourself.

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Have a great week.

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I'll talk to you soon.

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Bye bye.

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Thank you for listening to

This Daring Adventure podcast

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with your host Trista Guertin.

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We hope you enjoyed the tips

and conversations on how to

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get excited about life again.

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As always, you can head to

tristaguertin.com for additional resources

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and to book a one on one coaching session.

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You can also follow Trista on

Instagram at Tristavguertin.

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Don't forget to subscribe, rate,

and review us on Apple Podcasts.

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Thanks again for tuning in

and we'll see you next time.