Shownotes
Dealing With Life's Challenges
- What to do when you're feeling down or bad to release its power over you.
- How to set goals that help make things better.
- The importance of getting help when you need it.
- Why you must allow yourself to grieve your losses.
- How to help others who are struggling.
- What to do when life and death situations occur.
- Plus more tips to help you get a handle during difficult times.
Listen to this important episode now for strength and inspiration to deal with life's challenges throughout all the chapters of your life!
Jen's Contact Links
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Gift Biz Unwrapped Guest,
Speaker:episode number 403 Things that we think are gonna be horrible
Speaker:may turn out actually to be a really a blessing in
Speaker:disguise Attention,
Speaker:gifters, bakers,
Speaker:crafters and makers pursuing your dream can be fun.
Speaker:Whether you have an established business or looking to start one
Speaker:now you are in the right place.
Speaker:This is Gift Biz Unwrapped,
Speaker:helping you turn your skill into a flourishing business.
Speaker:Join us for an episode packed full of invaluable guidance,
Speaker:resources, and the support you need to grow your gift biz.
Speaker:Here is your host Gift Biz gal Sue Moon Heights.
Speaker:Hi there,
Speaker:it's Sue,
Speaker:and I'm so happy you're joining me here today,
Speaker:this last day of 2022.
Speaker:And not a moment too soon,
Speaker:I won't lie.
Speaker:This has been a rocky year for me and my family.
Speaker:Apart from the wonderful bright light of my son getting married,
Speaker:bringing us a daughter-in-law that I adore.
Speaker:In between the many beautiful days and memories,
Speaker:the months have also brought forth illness and disappointments,
Speaker:sadness, and loss.
Speaker:In the show today,
Speaker:Jen references a saying that goes something like this.
Speaker:Don't wish away the challenges of your life because that's how
Speaker:you got to where you are today.
Speaker:Although we wish it nobody signed an agreement with us that
Speaker:all our days will be smooth and happy.
Speaker:Not one person on earth gets that luxury.
Speaker:Although some people's lives are easier than others,
Speaker:no doubt.
Speaker:What we can learn is new ways to manage and cope
Speaker:with life's struggles before they appear on our doorstep.
Speaker:Whether you're in a position where you can support someone else
Speaker:or you need it for yourself,
Speaker:when you're done listening to the show today,
Speaker:you'll have a new perspective along with suggestions on how to
Speaker:work through the darker days when they appear.
Speaker:We get to turn the page tomorrow and write a brand
Speaker:new chapter for our lives.
Speaker:My hope is that all your days are peaceful and glorious.
Speaker:Just keep this episode in your back pocket just in case.
Speaker:If you are listening to this podcast right when it airs,
Speaker:it's gonna be New Year's tomorrow,
Speaker:a whole new year for us to anticipate,
Speaker:have our dreams come true,
Speaker:set new goals,
Speaker:all different types of things.
Speaker:And as I was thinking about the special guest that I
Speaker:wanted to bring on for this show,
Speaker:there was only one choice,
Speaker:and you are going to get to meet her right now.
Speaker:It's Jen Hardy.
Speaker:Jen is the host of the Hardy Mom Podcast and is
Speaker:also an author,
Speaker:speaker, coach,
Speaker:disability advocate,
Speaker:and military spouse.
Speaker:This homeschooling mom of seven calls herself a collector of eclectic
Speaker:diseases and a mystifies of physicians.
Speaker:I know we're gonna be diving into why that is.
Speaker:Jen uses her experience with chronic illness to help others with
Speaker:what can be a very challenging journey.
Speaker:And for all of us as we look into next year,
Speaker:they're gonna be things that come our way that we may
Speaker:not have been anticipating.
Speaker:And I want you to remember back to this very special
Speaker:episode, to get strength and inspiration when those times hit,
Speaker:because we know they're gonna hit all of us.
Speaker:But it's exciting because we're gonna have the tools that we
Speaker:need to take care of everything that can get thrown at
Speaker:us. Jen,
Speaker:welcome to the Gift Biz Unwrapped podcast.
Speaker:Oh my gosh,
Speaker:Sue, thank you so much for having me on the show,
Speaker:and I cannot wait.
Speaker:I'm so excited to be part of this.
Speaker:I love what you do.
Speaker:You and I talked,
Speaker:I think about five months ago,
Speaker:and that's when we came up with this idea like this
Speaker:would be the perfect conversation for going into the new year.
Speaker:Absolutely. Yep.
Speaker:And I guess it's good for any time people who are
Speaker:listening later too,
Speaker:like, you know,
Speaker:life carries on,
Speaker:but there's something about the new year where it's just like
Speaker:we feel like we're turning over another page.
Speaker:It's brand new,
Speaker:right? We can do anything.
Speaker:Yeah, it's like that new box of crayons that you open
Speaker:up. Exactly.
Speaker:I don't know,
Speaker:we homeschool and so at the beginning of every year,
Speaker:yeah, they're just something exciting about all the fresh new things
Speaker:and Yeah,
Speaker:It's just exciting.
Speaker:And I talked to somebody and he was saying that he
Speaker:thinks of life like a book.
Speaker:And so every part,
Speaker:every section of your life is like a chapter.
Speaker:But we get to write the title for our own chapter.
Speaker:And I think that's perfect for going into the new year
Speaker:because no matter what has happened in this past year,
Speaker:you can say,
Speaker:I'm starting a new chapter and this is gonna be its
Speaker:title and it may or may not looking like that title,
Speaker:but you know,
Speaker:we can choose how we're gonna start it,
Speaker:what we're gonna call it.
Speaker:I love that.
Speaker:Yes. So because I've done this as a tradition for all
Speaker:the years I've been podcasting,
Speaker:I still have to do this with you,
Speaker:Jen, and that is having you describe yourself by way of
Speaker:a motivational candle.
Speaker:So if you were to close your eyes and just envision
Speaker:a candle that speaks so much to you,
Speaker:what would it look like?
Speaker:Okay, so if I was gonna have a candle,
Speaker:it would be,
Speaker:I have candles all over my house.
Speaker:I live on an island by the beach,
Speaker:so they're all beachy.
Speaker:So it would look kind of blue because blue is so
Speaker:relaxing and tan for the sand,
Speaker:and it would smell like the beach because yeah,
Speaker:that's just,
Speaker:I love to be surrounded by the ocean and it calms
Speaker:me. So that would be what it looked like.
Speaker:Yeah, fresh and breezy and oh,
Speaker:it sounds beautiful,
Speaker:Little salty,
Speaker:little sassy.
Speaker:Now we're all jealous,
Speaker:you know that.
Speaker:And do you have a quota or saying or something that
Speaker:you would put on it?
Speaker:You know,
Speaker:Eleanor Roosevelt,
Speaker:I think no one can make you feel inferior without your
Speaker:consent, because I know I lived a lot of my life
Speaker:feeling inferior and I did not need to do that.
Speaker:So I think just a good reminder that we can choose
Speaker:how we feel.
Speaker:Why is it that we're smarter as we add on the
Speaker:years? Oh my gosh.
Speaker:Like if only we would've known that earlier.
Speaker:Yes. Oh my goodness.
Speaker:If I could go back and talk to my past self,
Speaker:I know,
Speaker:But then think I wouldn't end up where I am today
Speaker:and where I am today,
Speaker:even though it was really difficult to get here is a
Speaker:pretty great place.
Speaker:So you know,
Speaker:my husband keeps telling me,
Speaker:don't wish it away,
Speaker:because that's how we got here.
Speaker:Well, there you go.
Speaker:I love that.
Speaker:Yeah, that's so true.
Speaker:Well, give us a little bit of the understory about that.
Speaker:Like what's your journey been like?
Speaker:My journey?
Speaker:You know,
Speaker:in the past there was a lot of abuse and I
Speaker:don't normally talk about that,
Speaker:but that is kind of how I ended up.
Speaker:I think as I've done a lot of research into health,
Speaker:because I'll talk about my health journey for the most part,
Speaker:but a lot of us with multiple health issues have trauma.
Speaker:And so if you're listening and you have a lot of
Speaker:health issues,
Speaker:that's just something to consider and to handle.
Speaker:I think because for me,
Speaker:now that I've realized that I feel a lot better,
Speaker:but in 2013 I was sick.
Speaker:I got diagnosed with a disease called myasthenia gravis,
Speaker:which is a rare disease,
Speaker:and before we could really get a handle on it,
Speaker:I spent six different weeks in the hospital in 2014,
Speaker:and I had 20 day long infusions at home and no
Speaker:one thought I was gonna make it.
Speaker:And what made it even harder was my husband's was military
Speaker:and he had just gotten back from Iraq a couple years
Speaker:before that,
Speaker:but he worked,
Speaker:he was gone 12 hours a day doing military things.
Speaker:And I had seven kids,
Speaker:so I had a two,
Speaker:four year old and then five teenagers.
Speaker:And so it was a really rough time.
Speaker:And I got through that year.
Speaker:I got through the next couple years,
Speaker:but I was mostly in bed.
Speaker:I had been in a wheelchair for a while,
Speaker:couldn't leave my room because there was steps to go up.
Speaker:So everybody just had to either come to my room or
Speaker:I was by myself.
Speaker:It was a very rough,
Speaker:rough time.
Speaker:And then in 2018,
Speaker:my doctors told me there was really nothing else they could
Speaker:do, but make me comfortable.
Speaker:And it was really,
Speaker:really hard.
Speaker:And somehow I am still here,
Speaker:even though I wasn't supposed to make it past 2019.
Speaker:And I have this podcast I've written for books.
Speaker:I live in my dream location and I am breathing,
Speaker:which I was not supposed to be breathing on my own
Speaker:after 2018 and here I am.
Speaker:So it's been an amazing miracle is what it's been.
Speaker:It's just an amazing miracle that I'm even here at all
Speaker:today. Well,
Speaker:we are so blessed that you're here today.
Speaker:I have to start by saying that I can't hear you
Speaker:say that whole story and then not address it in that
Speaker:way first off,
Speaker:but that's incredible.
Speaker:Like you just kept carrying on at that time and day
Speaker:to day and your body ended up healing itself.
Speaker:So no,
Speaker:I'm not healed and I thought I was doing a lot
Speaker:better than I am,
Speaker:but actually I didn't realize my husband has been picking up
Speaker:the slack,
Speaker:so I was taking a whole lot of medicine.
Speaker:You see these old people with these huge Ziploc baggies full
Speaker:of medicine.
Speaker:I had two of those that I took every single day.
Speaker:It was crazy.
Speaker:And I just kept getting worse.
Speaker:And so this is not medical advice,
Speaker:you definitely talk to your doctors,
Speaker:but I actually got off some of my medicines and I
Speaker:feel better because the side effects,
Speaker:I think they were just adding up from all the medicines
Speaker:and living by the ocean.
Speaker:My breathing was getting really bad and my diaphragm,
Speaker:like the muscle that makes you breathe,
Speaker:it only works at 20%.
Speaker:And so that combined with asthma and a bunch of things,
Speaker:I was really having a struggle.
Speaker:So I thought,
Speaker:you know,
Speaker:if I live close to the ocean,
Speaker:I can breathe in the salt air,
Speaker:it might help.
Speaker:And it has.
Speaker:So yeah,
Speaker:it's really been a miracle.
Speaker:The fact that I'm here is a miracle.
Speaker:I also have muscular dystrophy,
Speaker:so almost all of the muscles in my lower back are
Speaker:completely gone.
Speaker:They're just gone.
Speaker:They've been replaced by fat and the doctor said,
Speaker:I shouldn't be sitting here,
Speaker:I shouldn't be walking.
Speaker:And yet we met at Pod fest with me walking around
Speaker:meeting everybody.
Speaker:I'm just thankful every single day that I'm here,
Speaker:honestly. Not only that,
Speaker:at Pod Fest,
Speaker:you went to the late night party and I didn't.
Speaker:I stayed back.
Speaker:I did Go to the late night party,
Speaker:But that's part of the reason why this episode at this
Speaker:point in time is so great because,
Speaker:and I'm not sure how much we'll get more into your
Speaker:story or how this is gonna evolve,
Speaker:it's all free flowing.
Speaker:But I think of people out there at any age,
Speaker:right? You can be younger,
Speaker:you can be older,
Speaker:you know,
Speaker:whenever. And there can be things that you're struggling with of
Speaker:all different sorts.
Speaker:It can be physical or mental abuse,
Speaker:it can be disease,
Speaker:it can be debilitating.
Speaker:Things that happen,
Speaker:it can be an accident that's left you in a wheelchair.
Speaker:There are all of these types of things.
Speaker:And that can sound very depressing for a New Year's Eve
Speaker:Day podcast.
Speaker:However, my thinking with this is if we start talking about
Speaker:what types of things,
Speaker:heaven forbid something like this happens to somebody,
Speaker:what are some coping mechanisms before you have to be employing
Speaker:them, right?
Speaker:That could help,
Speaker:right? And it doesn't even have to be that devastating.
Speaker:There are things that happen,
Speaker:life happens,
Speaker:you lose people accidents,
Speaker:even if it's for a limited amount of time can be
Speaker:a struggle.
Speaker:So that's the kind of conversation that I'd love to get
Speaker:into today,
Speaker:just to equip all of us with tools and thinking mindset
Speaker:to set ourselves up to be stronger for next year or
Speaker:help somebody else who's facing something like that for next year.
Speaker:I think that's great.
Speaker:Well, and I just did a bunch of research on moms,
Speaker:because my audience are moms that are going through some kind
Speaker:of health challenge.
Speaker:So it could be,
Speaker:you know,
Speaker:physical, emotional,
Speaker:whatever. And something that I've learned is that 55% of Gen
Speaker:Z, which is like 26 and younger,
Speaker:are clinically depressed.
Speaker:Now, that number is staggering to me.
Speaker:And so I think,
Speaker:you know,
Speaker:if you're listening,
Speaker:there's a 50% chance you've got some kind of diagnosis already.
Speaker:And I think the the key is that no matter what
Speaker:it is,
Speaker:no matter what it is that you're dealing with,
Speaker:like you said,
Speaker:it could be anything that comes along,
Speaker:you just say,
Speaker:okay, this is,
Speaker:life is ups and downs,
Speaker:right? I mean,
Speaker:there's a proverb that says you can't taste the sweet unless
Speaker:you've tasted the salty.
Speaker:And that's how we get through,
Speaker:right? Because if life was eating candy all the time,
Speaker:it would not taste good.
Speaker:You know?
Speaker:We would not like that.
Speaker:You'd have no comparison And a comparison,
Speaker:right? Like good things and bad things.
Speaker:So we really,
Speaker:really appreciate the good when something has been a struggle.
Speaker:And so I think the first thing to know is this
Speaker:is part of life.
Speaker:And so if you just expect life to be sunshine and
Speaker:roses all the time and you're shocked anytime something happens,
Speaker:I think that makes it harder.
Speaker:So not to be on the negative side either.
Speaker:Like, oh my gosh,
Speaker:what's happening now?
Speaker:Right? But just to say,
Speaker:okay, this is part of life and something good can come
Speaker:out of anything.
Speaker:That's something that I've learned too.
Speaker:That's, and I'm just gonna tell a little parable and you
Speaker:don't have to leave this in if you don't want to.
Speaker:You know,
Speaker:I will,
Speaker:I don't even know what's coming,
Speaker:but I'm definitely leaving it in.
Speaker:It's really,
Speaker:really important.
Speaker:My kids have this book,
Speaker:and I don't know where the parable came from to be
Speaker:quite honest,
Speaker:but there's this man,
Speaker:okay, there's this poor man who's a farmer and he's out
Speaker:there farming,
Speaker:and his horse runs away.
Speaker:All of his friends say,
Speaker:oh my gosh,
Speaker:this is so horrible.
Speaker:Your horse ran away.
Speaker:Now you have to plow the fields all by yourself.
Speaker:It's gonna be so hard.
Speaker:And he said,
Speaker:well, I don't know if it's good or if it's bad.
Speaker:And they thought that was crazy.
Speaker:Well, when the horse came back,
Speaker:it brought a friend and then he has two horses and
Speaker:all his friends say,
Speaker:oh my gosh,
Speaker:this is great.
Speaker:Now you can get twice the work done.
Speaker:And he said,
Speaker:well, I don't know if it's good or bad.
Speaker:And they thought,
Speaker:well, why not?
Speaker:Well, then his son's out training,
Speaker:the second horse falls off and breaks his leg,
Speaker:and his friends say,
Speaker:that's horrible.
Speaker:Now your son has a broken leg,
Speaker:but then there's gonna be a war.
Speaker:And the,
Speaker:the government comes to the village and takes all able-bodied young
Speaker:men off to war and his son can't go because his
Speaker:leg broken.
Speaker:No, the people all say,
Speaker:well, that's great.
Speaker:So the story can go on forever and ever.
Speaker:But the point is,
Speaker:you just never know,
Speaker:right? Things that we think are gonna be horrible may turn
Speaker:out actually to be a really a blessing in disguise.
Speaker:You know,
Speaker:we just have to look at it.
Speaker:So like we were kind of talking before,
Speaker:I spent a lot of time in bed,
Speaker:I'm actually in bed.
Speaker:I'm only outta bed four to six hours a day because
Speaker:of the way my body is.
Speaker:So I have a special chair that I can set up
Speaker:in that holds me up or on the couch or whatever,
Speaker:but I'm not up more than four hours a day,
Speaker:maybe six.
Speaker:And so a lot of people would say,
Speaker:oh my gosh,
Speaker:well that's horrible,
Speaker:right? Your life must be horrible.
Speaker:But my life is not horrible.
Speaker:I have a podcast and I can do that from bed.
Speaker:I have a hospital table that can turn into a studio.
Speaker:I spent a lot more time cuddling with my kids,
Speaker:being with my kids.
Speaker:We actually can homeschool from my bed.
Speaker:And I just have learned that what I choose to do
Speaker:is out of there is going to be the most important,
Speaker:special, great thing that I can do.
Speaker:And so it's made me put everything,
Speaker:really pick and choose what is really important.
Speaker:And it's made my kids really be able to pick and
Speaker:choose. You know,
Speaker:if mom's got this much time,
Speaker:what are we going to do together?
Speaker:And I think there's a real blessing that comes from that
Speaker:because we don't run,
Speaker:run, run.
Speaker:You know,
Speaker:we used to run,
Speaker:like when I had my older kids,
Speaker:we were in LA and it was just like everybody has
Speaker:to be be doing all these things all the time and
Speaker:you never get to rest.
Speaker:And I think that a lot of life gets lost in
Speaker:that, to be honest.
Speaker:That is so true.
Speaker:And this is a topic that we touched upon in last
Speaker:week's episode and the conversation specifically about rest and how much
Speaker:beauty comes out of rest.
Speaker:So if you haven't listened to that,
Speaker:make sure to jump back to last week's episode and hear
Speaker:that. But first I wanna say this is so good because
Speaker:a lot of handmade creators are homebound.
Speaker:I have no idea what percentage,
Speaker:but I've talked to quite a few people who started making
Speaker:a handmade craft for their own enrichment and fulfillment because creating
Speaker:things with your hands is psychologically very helpful.
Speaker:And then it's something that they can do where they're feeling
Speaker:of value.
Speaker:And so a good portion of our audience of handmade creators
Speaker:are in some type of situation like that where they're in
Speaker:a special bed or wheelchair,
Speaker:they couldn't get out,
Speaker:let's say,
Speaker:to craft shows,
Speaker:someone I'll either has to sell that way or they're doing
Speaker:things online.
Speaker:And it's the positioning of how you talk to yourself about
Speaker:your situation.
Speaker:That is so important.
Speaker:Absolutely. Because that's how I started.
Speaker:Well, I started a blog in the beginning and then I
Speaker:wrote a book,
Speaker:and then I started my podcast and it was all because
Speaker:I'm a mom with seven kids with multiple chronic illnesses.
Speaker:And when I would go online,
Speaker:everyone was just like whining and complaining,
Speaker:but nobody had a solution.
Speaker:You know,
Speaker:how are you supposed to live?
Speaker:How are you supposed to parent and not succumb to that,
Speaker:you know,
Speaker:just that,
Speaker:whoa, why me?
Speaker:How do you do that?
Speaker:Well, I think it's important to notice that when you're diagnosed
Speaker:with something,
Speaker:or even before the diagnosis,
Speaker:you know something's going on with your body.
Speaker:It's important to realize that it's kind of like a death
Speaker:in a way,
Speaker:because it's a death of the life you knew.
Speaker:It's an ending of what you thought might happen,
Speaker:what you thought might be whatever.
Speaker:And to realize that if you grieve it,
Speaker:you allow yourself to grieve it.
Speaker:And there's like the Kula Ross seven stages of death where,
Speaker:you know,
Speaker:I don't know them off the top of my head because
Speaker:brain fog,
Speaker:but if you research that,
Speaker:let allow yourself to go through that.
Speaker:Allow yourself,
Speaker:you know,
Speaker:some days you're gonna get angry,
Speaker:some days you're gonna be frustrated,
Speaker:you know,
Speaker:all these people are doing things and especially other people don't
Speaker:understand if I say I'm barely out of bed,
Speaker:but then they see me and I don't look sick,
Speaker:I don't know what looking sick is supposed to look like,
Speaker:you know?
Speaker:Cuz I think when people picture that you can't get outta
Speaker:bed, they picture you looking,
Speaker:I don't know,
Speaker:not like everybody else does,
Speaker:Mike, you're sick.
Speaker:Because normally you think if you have to be in bed
Speaker:all day,
Speaker:you're sick.
Speaker:Right? Right.
Speaker:Like, you look like somebody with the flu or whatever.
Speaker:And so I think dealing with that is hard.
Speaker:So I think allowing yourself to grieve and educating the people
Speaker:around you with what's happening.
Speaker:Because a lot of people will look at you and say,
Speaker:well, you must be fine.
Speaker:And then they say a bunch of things that make you
Speaker:sad because they think you're faking or they don't believe or
Speaker:there's so many different things.
Speaker:And so that's a big part of it.
Speaker:This is really interesting to me,
Speaker:I've never thought about this before,
Speaker:is if you know somebody who,
Speaker:like you're talking about,
Speaker:has to be in bed a lot or you know,
Speaker:you know that their lifestyle needs to be different than what
Speaker:you think of as the quote unquote regular lifestyle,
Speaker:right? Right.
Speaker:There could be people who are thinking,
Speaker:oh, this is a sympathy place,
Speaker:she's really better.
Speaker:Look at her,
Speaker:she's better.
Speaker:Like she doesn't look bad,
Speaker:you know,
Speaker:she's just playing off our sympathy or something.
Speaker:And you're really putting up the flag and saying,
Speaker:no attention.
Speaker:Attention. That's not the case.
Speaker:Exactly. They may look just fine,
Speaker:but struggling physically,
Speaker:mentally, whatever.
Speaker:Right? Well,
Speaker:and I've talked to so many people that say,
Speaker:oh, you do that?
Speaker:Well, my daughter thinks she's sick,
Speaker:or you know,
Speaker:my mom pretends like she's sick,
Speaker:you know,
Speaker:whatever. And I'm thinking,
Speaker:no, this is exactly what I talk about though.
Speaker:They probably really are sick and you just don't understand.
Speaker:But you know,
Speaker:there are people who fake it,
Speaker:right? There are people who play for sympathy,
Speaker:There are people who fake it,
Speaker:who just want attention,
Speaker:you know,
Speaker:who are like,
Speaker:oh, you know.
Speaker:But what I've learned in dealing with a lot of people
Speaker:is there's a lot less people that are doing that than
Speaker:people think.
Speaker:Interesting. And so how should we interact with people like that?
Speaker:What's the right thing to say?
Speaker:I mean,
Speaker:you wanna show sympathy,
Speaker:but you don't wanna go too far hopefully through this conversation
Speaker:right here,
Speaker:we've enlightened me,
Speaker:but let's enlighten everybody that you know,
Speaker:rethink this.
Speaker:Even if they look great,
Speaker:they may not really be great.
Speaker:So I have to tell you that on my podcast,
Speaker:on the Hardy Mom podcast,
Speaker:episodes 97 and 98 are specifically about that,
Speaker:what to say and what not to say to somebody.
Speaker:But I think not to say things like,
Speaker:oh, I wish I could sleep all day,
Speaker:or I wish I could nap all day.
Speaker:Because our nap isn't because we wanna just put our feet
Speaker:up and eat bond bonds.
Speaker:It's because we're horribly exhausted.
Speaker:I think the word fatigue,
Speaker:you know,
Speaker:chronic fatigue,
Speaker:it's like,
Speaker:oh, you have a little fatigue.
Speaker:You know,
Speaker:it doesn't,
Speaker:I don't know that word,
Speaker:it just drives me crazy.
Speaker:We're like,
Speaker:you know,
Speaker:I don't know.
Speaker:But I think,
Speaker:you know what not to say is to downplay.
Speaker:You don't need to downplay it if you feel like they
Speaker:just want attention.
Speaker:You don't have to say much at all,
Speaker:but don't you know,
Speaker:oh, I'm sure you're fine.
Speaker:Just get up.
Speaker:And then not giving people really weird,
Speaker:oh, well,
Speaker:you know,
Speaker:if you just ate lettuce and nothing else for 30 days,
Speaker:or like we hear all these random things,
Speaker:All the advice,
Speaker:right? From people who have no clue,
Speaker:Right? And just because it worked for Aunt Betty,
Speaker:you know,
Speaker:whatever. And then the things too do are,
Speaker:you know,
Speaker:like if you live around the corner from me and you're
Speaker:running to the store,
Speaker:it'd be great if you said,
Speaker:Hey, you know,
Speaker:do you need something?
Speaker:You know,
Speaker:you need milk or I,
Speaker:I am out at milk,
Speaker:but I'm not gonna call you every time that I can't
Speaker:go to the store.
Speaker:And then the second thing is,
Speaker:if someone is very unwell and you know,
Speaker:they are,
Speaker:they're really struggling and they have kids offering to take their
Speaker:kids, even if it's for a couple hours,
Speaker:just to let them rest is for me,
Speaker:was the biggest thing and the hardest thing to get people
Speaker:to do,
Speaker:honestly. And if you offer something,
Speaker:follow through,
Speaker:if you don't wanna offer,
Speaker:don't offer.
Speaker:I think that's the probably,
Speaker:probably the hardest part is a lot of people will say,
Speaker:oh my gosh,
Speaker:what do you need?
Speaker:But then they have no intention of following through with it,
Speaker:so just don't say It.
Speaker:Well, and sometimes,
Speaker:I mean,
Speaker:I know that I want to offer support in situations like
Speaker:that, and I genuinely don't know what they need.
Speaker:Right. But I love the idea that you're suggesting here about
Speaker:offering up actions that can take the weight off of their
Speaker:day in some way,
Speaker:right? You know,
Speaker:like very typical,
Speaker:you know,
Speaker:if someone's not well or someone's passed in a family,
Speaker:you know,
Speaker:you make meals and you bring them to the house,
Speaker:right? But these other ideas that you're talking about,
Speaker:you know,
Speaker:call in and saying,
Speaker:Hey, I'm on the way to the grocery store coming right
Speaker:by your house.
Speaker:Can I pick something up for you and drop it off?
Speaker:Right? Things like that.
Speaker:So I love that idea of suggesting a couple of things
Speaker:that you could do for them that you would want to
Speaker:do versus something that feels bigger,
Speaker:like emotional support feels bigger and it's hard to give emotional
Speaker:support if you don't have experience knowledge or you're not as
Speaker:close to them either,
Speaker:Right? They're not gonna necessarily open up to every single person
Speaker:in their life,
Speaker:you know,
Speaker:depending on how close a relationship you have.
Speaker:So that's great advice,
Speaker:Jen. I love that.
Speaker:And then one other thing then,
Speaker:and you can do this whether you're don't feel well or
Speaker:not, but I had a neighbor in my last neighborhood and
Speaker:she lived right next door to me.
Speaker:And what we did was one day I made dinner and
Speaker:I just doubled it and shared with her.
Speaker:And one day she made dinner and doubled it and shared
Speaker:it with me every single week.
Speaker:So there was one day every week I didn't have to
Speaker:cook or pay for dinner.
Speaker:And it really wasn't harder for me while I was already
Speaker:cooking to make it a double batch.
Speaker:Right. And that took so much weight off because cooking for
Speaker:me is just exhausting.
Speaker:And my husband's now home and he's helping,
Speaker:but before he couldn't.
Speaker:And so that was just an amazing,
Speaker:amazing, plus she's Japanese,
Speaker:she's from Japan.
Speaker:And so I had authentic sushi and Japanese food all the
Speaker:time. It was so wonderful.
Speaker:But I think that's another thing too.
Speaker:And just if you have your own job too,
Speaker:if you're doing these crafts and you've got your own business
Speaker:and you're busy,
Speaker:because especially you know,
Speaker:the beginning of the year you're trying to get things going
Speaker:and you can work with somebody that lives relatively close and
Speaker:say, Hey,
Speaker:you know,
Speaker:you're busy,
Speaker:I'm busy,
Speaker:let's do this thing.
Speaker:And it would really help everybody.
Speaker:That's just one of my favorite things.
Speaker:We were talking earlier about just the whole mindset.
Speaker:I loved what you were talking about in the very,
Speaker:very beginning about a book and turning a chapter,
Speaker:and let's start new with what's gonna happen from here on
Speaker:out. So that sounds great.
Speaker:You turn a page and you've got your pen and everything's
Speaker:clean and you start writing.
Speaker:But how does that work with all the things that go
Speaker:on in your mind about your life and how it is,
Speaker:let's say you're the one that's affected by something that's changed.
Speaker:What do you say to yourself in your mind to get
Speaker:yourself on a positive path?
Speaker:How does that work?
Speaker:So for me,
Speaker:I actually am a big fan of having a pity party.
Speaker:And so what I do is I set a timer and
Speaker:it can be one,
Speaker:five or 10 minutes depending on what the issue is.
Speaker:And I'll actually do this with my kids for one minute
Speaker:too, is an amazing thing.
Speaker:So let's say you're thinking,
Speaker:oh my gosh,
Speaker:I've got this and this and this,
Speaker:and it's not going right.
Speaker:And I'm so sad.
Speaker:In our culture,
Speaker:what we do is we say,
Speaker:just suck it up.
Speaker:Just get over it.
Speaker:Don't deal with it,
Speaker:just move on.
Speaker:Right? That's what we say.
Speaker:But that doesn't happen.
Speaker:And so what happens is you bury it and you bury
Speaker:it and you bury,
Speaker:it comes up and you bury it.
Speaker:And then you end up having all these things in your
Speaker:head that are negative that you've shoved down for so long,
Speaker:right? And so my thing is this,
Speaker:no. If something comes up like that and then it's an
Speaker:appropriate time,
Speaker:or wait till you get home,
Speaker:whatever, you set a timer,
Speaker:you can go in your room,
Speaker:or if you have little kids and they drive you crazy
Speaker:and go in your bathroom,
Speaker:lock the door,
Speaker:do whatever,
Speaker:and just let yourself get it out.
Speaker:Just talk about it.
Speaker:Oh my gosh,
Speaker:this is driving me crazy.
Speaker:I can't believe it.
Speaker:I feel sick,
Speaker:I don't wanna feel sick,
Speaker:you know,
Speaker:whatever. This is changing my life.
Speaker:I don't like it.
Speaker:You like all the things that you're thinking,
Speaker:you literally verbalize them and get them out.
Speaker:Because once we get it out,
Speaker:it doesn't hold that power over us anymore.
Speaker:You know?
Speaker:It's not our secret anymore.
Speaker:Because if you've got all these things inside that you're holding
Speaker:onto and you're kind of hiding from everybody else,
Speaker:and you don't even wanna say,
Speaker:you know,
Speaker:people are like,
Speaker:oh, don't say it,
Speaker:it might come true.
Speaker:Well, that's a lie.
Speaker:I mean that's,
Speaker:those are just,
Speaker:I don't know why we hear these lies.
Speaker:Just say it out loud,
Speaker:just get it all out.
Speaker:And then for me,
Speaker:when the timer beeps,
Speaker:then I'm done with that thing.
Speaker:Now will that come up again later?
Speaker:It might,
Speaker:and I might do it again,
Speaker:but for me it just lets me get it out.
Speaker:Okay, now I can move forward.
Speaker:So would you say then that,
Speaker:let's say you are sick for whatever reason,
Speaker:and you know you're going through treatments that are a month,
Speaker:I'm just putting some brackets on it,
Speaker:just a by way of example.
Speaker:And it's totally disrupted your life by doing a pity party.
Speaker:Let's say you decided,
Speaker:you know what,
Speaker:I'm doing a pity party for an hour every Tuesday morning,
Speaker:cuz this is terrible.
Speaker:I'm gonna admit it.
Speaker:This is horrible.
Speaker:It's happening,
Speaker:but I'm just going through it.
Speaker:So then would you say that if you do a pity
Speaker:party, you do your hour,
Speaker:and does that take and release some of that negative energy
Speaker:for the rest of the time?
Speaker:Because you can always say,
Speaker:you know what?
Speaker:Like, let's pretend it was me.
Speaker:I'll say,
Speaker:Sue, you know what?
Speaker:There's gonna be a time for it again next Tuesday morning,
Speaker:but for now,
Speaker:let's focus on tasks at hand.
Speaker:What's happening with the day?
Speaker:And so you almost are slotting your pity time into a
Speaker:slot on your calendar,
Speaker:really. Exactly.
Speaker:Well, and if you've ever noticed,
Speaker:you know how they,
Speaker:if a woman tells a man what her problems are,
Speaker:she just wants to get them out,
Speaker:right? But he wants to give her solutions.
Speaker:But I don't know about you.
Speaker:When I'm talking to my husband,
Speaker:I'm like,
Speaker:okay, just let me get this out,
Speaker:right? Just let me say these things because as I'm saying
Speaker:them frequently I come up with my own solutions.
Speaker:And so by allowing yourself to say these things out loud,
Speaker:you're not just whining.
Speaker:Although some days may just be whining,
Speaker:but also a lot of times when you hear yourself say
Speaker:something, you'll be like,
Speaker:oh, wait a minute.
Speaker:Yeah, these treatments are horrible and I feel really sick and
Speaker:I only feel good if I eat peanut butter before I
Speaker:go and I'm sick of pe.
Speaker:Okay, well,
Speaker:so eat peanut butter before you,
Speaker:you know,
Speaker:like you'll find the solutions a lot of times in what
Speaker:you're saying.
Speaker:So you are releasing the negative energy and you might even,
Speaker:yeah, you might even get some positive feedback from yourself right
Speaker:back out of it.
Speaker:Which sounds crazy,
Speaker:but if you try it,
Speaker:it really does work.
Speaker:No, that makes a lot of sense to me.
Speaker:And just so much of what we say to ourself and
Speaker:think positions and help and either makes us feel sicker or
Speaker:makes us feel better,
Speaker:even if we've got the same symptoms.
Speaker:It's that whole mindset.
Speaker:Exactly. Well,
Speaker:and always telling ourself like stop thinking about it,
Speaker:stop complaining about it.
Speaker:I'm not allowed to talk about it.
Speaker:Right? But then you're always telling it to yourself that you're
Speaker:wrong too.
Speaker:Like in yourself talk,
Speaker:you know,
Speaker:by telling yourself you're not allowed to think about negative things,
Speaker:you're not allowed to,
Speaker:you know,
Speaker:it adds more negativity.
Speaker:So yeah,
Speaker:if you're giving yourself permission,
Speaker:you're telling yourself,
Speaker:I'm not wrong for wanting to talk about this.
Speaker:Now you don't wanna talk about all the time like,
Speaker:and tell all your friends,
Speaker:oh, I'm so sick.
Speaker:Oh, I've got this thing,
Speaker:I got that thing.
Speaker:I got what?
Speaker:Because you can reasonably talk to them.
Speaker:Sometimes people do wanna know,
Speaker:but they don't need to know every single little detail that
Speaker:you might wanna talk about.
Speaker:It's a good time to get it all Out.
Speaker:There's also,
Speaker:we all know those people who you just feel so drained
Speaker:after you're with them because all they're doing is complaining about
Speaker:any little thing.
Speaker:Yeah. And if it's hard to be around people who talk
Speaker:like that,
Speaker:just think of what you're doing to yourself if you become
Speaker:that. Exactly.
Speaker:And I'll be honest,
Speaker:I mean for a while I was like that.
Speaker:I was,
Speaker:because you know,
Speaker:I got to see everyone else is doing all these things
Speaker:and it was really making me sad.
Speaker:And it's a grieving process.
Speaker:It really Is.
Speaker:How did you get out of it?
Speaker:Well, I had to make a decision.
Speaker:So my decision was am I going to live with my
Speaker:health the way it is and let myself be miserable?
Speaker:Or am I gonna live with the way my health is
Speaker:and find all the ways to make my life great And
Speaker:look at what you've done And look at what I've done.
Speaker:I mean,
Speaker:who doesn't wanna just go and live on an island,
Speaker:right? Who doesn't?
Speaker:I mean,
Speaker:I've published the books I wanna publish,
Speaker:I'm living where I wanna live.
Speaker:You know,
Speaker:I've just created all these things.
Speaker:So even though I can't go into the ocean on a
Speaker:rough day because my muscles won't get me back out,
Speaker:right? But I can go and I can sit on the
Speaker:sand and I can watch my kids play and I've made
Speaker:peace with,
Speaker:that's where I am now and it's beautiful.
Speaker:Okay, so I'm missed positivity sometimes to a fault I have
Speaker:to admit.
Speaker:But so could you say if,
Speaker:yeah, you might for someone who has something happened to them
Speaker:that is going to be life changing,
Speaker:okay, no problem in grieving and feel sad for what was,
Speaker:but instead of always looking at all of the things you
Speaker:can't do anymore,
Speaker:it's an opportunity for you to rewrite what this next phase
Speaker:of your life is,
Speaker:and not just leave it to chance and let life happen
Speaker:to you,
Speaker:but create a life that you are going to love and
Speaker:feel good about based on whatever limitations that you have.
Speaker:Such an important conversation we're having.
Speaker:I hope you're getting as much value out of it as
Speaker:I did being part of the conversation with Jen.
Speaker:We'll pick up again right after this quick break.
Speaker:I wanted to pause this discussion for a second to let
Speaker:you know that I recognize you may be feeling overwhelmed right
Speaker:now. I mean,
Speaker:I bring on great guests who are specialists in their fields
Speaker:and we get into fabulous conversations that you know can help
Speaker:grow your business.
Speaker:So after the show,
Speaker:you have the full intention of grabbing a download,
Speaker:making an adjustment on your website or any number of other
Speaker:ideas that arise as a result of this podcast.
Speaker:But what happens,
Speaker:you get back to your other activities and the momentum you
Speaker:once had gets lost.
Speaker:What you've planned to do is forgotten,
Speaker:then you feel bad because your business is going on as
Speaker:usual without implementing anything that you know would help grow your
Speaker:business. We're just too busy doing all the things like a
Speaker:robot moving from one thing to another without thinking,
Speaker:because we have to.
Speaker:I get it,
Speaker:I've been there.
Speaker:But guess what?
Speaker:There is another way.
Speaker:Since I recognized this exact behavior in my own business,
Speaker:I set out to do something about it.
Speaker:And now what works for me,
Speaker:I'm sharing with you.
Speaker:I formalized the process and it's called the inspired daily planner,
Speaker:made specifically for gifters,
Speaker:bakers, crafters and makers.
Speaker:But it's not your ordinary planner.
Speaker:First off,
Speaker:it comes with a video explaining my productivity strategy.
Speaker:Plus it's not dated.
Speaker:So you can start using your planner the second it arrives
Speaker:at your doorstep.
Speaker:And that's not all included for each day is a motivational
Speaker:message or business building tip and plenty of space to capture
Speaker:and book in time for to-dos,
Speaker:schedule appointments and all those other ideas that are now getting
Speaker:lost. Think of it as a book and a planner all
Speaker:in one,
Speaker:yet compact enough to carry with you and resource as necessary.
Speaker:It's the perfect solution to truly act and move your business
Speaker:forward. Go to gift biz unwrapped.com/inspired
Speaker:to get your hard copy planner along with my power of
Speaker:purpose video that will set you on the path for true
Speaker:business growth.
Speaker:This makes a great gift too.
Speaker:So if you have a biz bestie,
Speaker:pick up a planner for them too.
Speaker:That link again is gift biz unwrap.com/inspired.
Speaker:Okay, let's get back to the show.
Speaker:Well, and I'll tell you about one of my dear friends
Speaker:who was the first person I interviewed on my podcast.
Speaker:She trained horses,
Speaker:she designed websites,
Speaker:she homeschooled her children.
Speaker:She is now a business coach and she's always been legally
Speaker:blind. So try to wrap your brain around that.
Speaker:So if she can train horses and she can design websites
Speaker:and she is legally blind,
Speaker:what can you not do?
Speaker:I mean,
Speaker:you can do anything,
Speaker:right? You may have to adapt it,
Speaker:you may have to have it be a little different than
Speaker:you originally planned,
Speaker:but you can do it.
Speaker:You just have to figure out,
Speaker:you know,
Speaker:how, and you have to be willing to make peace with
Speaker:the fact that parts of your life will look different than
Speaker:everyone else's.
Speaker:But you know,
Speaker:everyone's life is different in some way.
Speaker:And this is what we try to explain to our kids
Speaker:too. Everyone's got something going on.
Speaker:We might not know what it is,
Speaker:but everyone has something.
Speaker:You know,
Speaker:we're not all Superman.
Speaker:We can't all go do every single thing,
Speaker:right? And so it's just a matter of,
Speaker:I think Janet,
Speaker:it's just making peace with things because yeah,
Speaker:there's some parts of our life that might not have been
Speaker:what we've chosen,
Speaker:but everyone has that.
Speaker:How do you feel about getting some professional help to get
Speaker:you there?
Speaker:Because not everyone can just do this for themselves.
Speaker:Like we can easily talk here,
Speaker:but yeah,
Speaker:just you know,
Speaker:do your pity party then you should be fine.
Speaker:Just go on and build this whole new life,
Speaker:right? Right.
Speaker:But I get that it's not that easy,
Speaker:you know?
Speaker:And sometimes you need some professional direction or people who are
Speaker:trained to be able to guide you to that path.
Speaker:Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker:And I think definitely if,
Speaker:if especially somebody's really struggling,
Speaker:cuz like I said,
Speaker:I mean the numbers of being clinically depressed and clinical anxiety
Speaker:right now are through the roof.
Speaker:And so if you need help,
Speaker:get help.
Speaker:But I also will say be cautious about who you get
Speaker:help from.
Speaker:But definitely if you are struggling,
Speaker:don't struggle alone.
Speaker:Definitely don't struggle alone if you need,
Speaker:you know,
Speaker:and reach out.
Speaker:And there's all kinds of different help now.
Speaker:So there's psychiatrists that can give you medicine or there's psychologists
Speaker:that you can talk to or social workers.
Speaker:And then there's life coaches and there's all different kinds of
Speaker:people. So find someone who's doing the kind of thing you
Speaker:want to do or someone who's really talking about the kind
Speaker:of place you want to be in,
Speaker:right? Psychologically,
Speaker:mentally, and work with that person because you've got options.
Speaker:So I think that's important to know as well.
Speaker:That was a really hard thing for me is I kept
Speaker:looking for help from moms with chronic illness.
Speaker:I couldn't find it.
Speaker:My husband after a year said,
Speaker:you know,
Speaker:you're supposed to create it if you're looking for it and
Speaker:I really feel like you're the one who's supposed to create
Speaker:it. And I thought,
Speaker:yeah, but it should be a positive thing,
Speaker:right? Like you're saying you're very positive.
Speaker:And I wasn't feeling positive and I said,
Speaker:I just don't wanna be a hypocrite because that's not right.
Speaker:I can't tell everybody else to just be positive while I'm
Speaker:just really sobbing in my back.
Speaker:So, you know,
Speaker:it did take me a while and ironically it was the
Speaker:thought of being able to help other people that motivated me
Speaker:to get in the place I needed to be.
Speaker:Which is another great thing that I would recommend for anybody
Speaker:who's struggling in any way or not str,
Speaker:I mean this isn't for everybody,
Speaker:but there's been a lot of times where I've felt kind
Speaker:of alone and like I wasn't having my needs met for
Speaker:whatever, you know,
Speaker:health wise or whatever.
Speaker:And so I would look for someone who is struggling in
Speaker:the same way as I was and I would go out,
Speaker:out and do for them something I wanted done for me.
Speaker:And because I knew what it would feel like to get
Speaker:that thing.
Speaker:And it was never a time when I was like,
Speaker:well then they're gonna do it back.
Speaker:It wasn't ever that.
Speaker:It was someone who probably couldn't do it back and there
Speaker:was just a gift in the giving for me.
Speaker:So I think if you're listening and you're alike,
Speaker:but you know what?
Speaker:I'm just so down,
Speaker:whatever, you know,
Speaker:I just don't know how I'd get there.
Speaker:Try a little bit of focusing on doing something for other
Speaker:people or for making someone else feel better.
Speaker:And I mean,
Speaker:I'm not talking about giving to people who are jerks to
Speaker:you either.
Speaker:Like there's boundaries with that,
Speaker:but somebody who really needs it.
Speaker:And I guarantee that it's going to make you feel happy.
Speaker:It just Is.
Speaker:It's so true.
Speaker:I mean you hear this over and over again by giving
Speaker:of yourself and helping others.
Speaker:It comes back to you tenfold.
Speaker:I'm thinking I don't have any experience in this,
Speaker:so this is not a professional conversation in that way.
Speaker:Make sure to say that.
Speaker:But you know,
Speaker:if someone is struggling in just mentally,
Speaker:like always negative,
Speaker:just feeling so bad if they have the ability and the
Speaker:experience to give what they know or you know,
Speaker:have experienced or skill with to someone else,
Speaker:positivity breeds positivity,
Speaker:right? Like you have someone tell you,
Speaker:oh my gosh,
Speaker:that helped me so much,
Speaker:I can now do this.
Speaker:Or I now understand this,
Speaker:or you made me smile today.
Speaker:That in turn makes that other person feel better.
Speaker:Absolutely. Well yeah.
Speaker:And a great place to do that for honestly is Ronald
Speaker:McDonald house.
Speaker:I had to stay there with my son once.
Speaker:And you can give food,
Speaker:you can give craft supplies,
Speaker:you can give toys,
Speaker:you can give your time,
Speaker:but the parents that are there really are up against a
Speaker:wall and really appreciate it.
Speaker:So that is one organization that I hands down.
Speaker:And then another thing you were talking about smiling.
Speaker:One piece of advice that I try to give everybody is
Speaker:so when I wake up I'm in massive pain.
Speaker:I can't get up until I take medicine to take my
Speaker:pain. Like I just can't.
Speaker:So when I wake up,
Speaker:I do tend to have some negative thoughts.
Speaker:Like I wish I didn't feel this way,
Speaker:I wish I didn't have to go through the dentist way.
Speaker:I'm so exhausted,
Speaker:you know?
Speaker:But when my kids come in the room for the longest
Speaker:time, I just be like,
Speaker:Ugh, just let me rest.
Speaker:Well that sets the tone,
Speaker:it sets the tone with my kids for the whole day.
Speaker:So I've changed that.
Speaker:And so my new thing is,
Speaker:hey, come in,
Speaker:let's cuddle up.
Speaker:And I will purposefully smile at them like not a fake
Speaker:smile cuz my fake smile's scary.
Speaker:But like I will think to myself,
Speaker:you love these people,
Speaker:let's treat them like you love them and not like they're
Speaker:the cause of how you feel.
Speaker:Right? And so they come in now,
Speaker:they cuddle up with me,
Speaker:I smile at them,
Speaker:they smile back and I'll be honest,
Speaker:our whole day is like 500% better because they feel loved
Speaker:than they're smiling at me than I genuinely am smiling back.
Speaker:Like even in the beginning,
Speaker:if I have to really work at it,
Speaker:I don't,
Speaker:once I get that first smile from my kids.
Speaker:So I think the first thing is just smile.
Speaker:If there's no one in your house,
Speaker:smile at your cat or your whatever,
Speaker:I don't know.
Speaker:But just make an effort.
Speaker:I used to work at a hospital at the reception,
Speaker:whatever, answering the phones and they brought mirrors in and they
Speaker:said, okay,
Speaker:now when you talk to people you need to look in
Speaker:the mirror and smile because your voice actually sounds different when
Speaker:you're smiling and when you're not smiling.
Speaker:And it was a really great lesson in,
Speaker:you know,
Speaker:just kind of,
Speaker:it's almost a fake it till you make it kind of
Speaker:a thing.
Speaker:But you know,
Speaker:because when we talk to people like that then they'd be
Speaker:so much happier and they'd feel better and then we responded
Speaker:that way.
Speaker:Right. Tell me a little bit more about what you've done
Speaker:since you know,
Speaker:life's changed and switched for you.
Speaker:We know about the podcast already.
Speaker:I'm specifically interested in knowing more about your books and your
Speaker:journal. Okay,
Speaker:so this is the great thing.
Speaker:This is what I got from Sue.
Speaker:Oh my gosh,
Speaker:if you're listening,
Speaker:you need to just follow everything because she is an inspiration.
Speaker:I've gotta say,
Speaker:I'm so glad to be here.
Speaker:It's so true.
Speaker:Oh that's so sweet Of you.
Speaker:I was writing a journal and well,
Speaker:and it sounds silly to say writing a journal cuz it's
Speaker:a book with lines.
Speaker:But there's actually 6,000
Speaker:words in my journal that I've written because I have a
Speaker:prompt for every month.
Speaker:And it's for moms with chronic illness so that you can,
Speaker:you know,
Speaker:kind of,
Speaker:I look back because I'm not so young,
Speaker:my oldest child is 33.
Speaker:And I think there's so many things as a mom as
Speaker:far as like keeping up my house and doing things with
Speaker:my kids.
Speaker:And you think if I were to do all of it,
Speaker:it's so overwhelming.
Speaker:But had I broken it up into little pieces,
Speaker:I could have got so much done.
Speaker:And so I thought,
Speaker:well what if I wrote its journal for moms?
Speaker:It could break things into little tiny pieces.
Speaker:It's a five-year journal and by the time you're done,
Speaker:your house is more organized,
Speaker:your medical records are more organized,
Speaker:you've enjoyed your kids a lot more and you've really just
Speaker:done a little bite-sized piece at a time.
Speaker:And so I did that and then I decided,
Speaker:well I've already got the setup of the book,
Speaker:right? So I'm gonna do one about happiness because a lot
Speaker:of people that are going through what I'm going through and
Speaker:a lot of people since 2020 are not feeling very happy.
Speaker:And so I did prompts every month same way for that.
Speaker:And the one I was talking to Sue,
Speaker:she was talking about,
Speaker:well what about people in business?
Speaker:And so I did my five year daily plan for success
Speaker:business journal.
Speaker:And then I added Dominate the competition by setting monthly goals,
Speaker:tracking progress,
Speaker:and innovating for success.
Speaker:Cuz that just sounded,
Speaker:I don't know,
Speaker:kind of beasty and my,
Speaker:my 13 year old helped me design it.
Speaker:But it's just got the things,
Speaker:you know,
Speaker:people always say failing to plan is planning to fail,
Speaker:right? And so many of us,
Speaker:with a small business,
Speaker:we might not have had to put together a business plan
Speaker:for the bank or any of that kind of thing.
Speaker:And especially if you're making something,
Speaker:you make your thing,
Speaker:you sell your thing,
Speaker:you make more money,
Speaker:you make more things,
Speaker:you sell more things.
Speaker:And you know,
Speaker:we move forward.
Speaker:But if we had an actual plan,
Speaker:if we set goals,
Speaker:and it's not just about setting the goals.
Speaker:I think part of the issue,
Speaker:I know for me and a lot of people is you
Speaker:set a goal but then you never really go back and
Speaker:see how much of that goal did I set?
Speaker:How could I make that goal better?
Speaker:How can I go forward the next time and improve on
Speaker:it? And so in this journal,
Speaker:I mean in January it starts out with the most basic
Speaker:thing. But I think something that a lot of us forget
Speaker:to even even say is setting your financial goal for the
Speaker:year. What would you like to make this year?
Speaker:The business one,
Speaker:It's your business journal.
Speaker:Yeah. Right now I'm just talking,
Speaker:well you know what,
Speaker:what is my target income this year?
Speaker:Because I think a lot of us are honestly afraid to
Speaker:say those numbers out loud because we've been taught,
Speaker:oh, you know,
Speaker:if you say positive things,
Speaker:they won't happen.
Speaker:Right? Or the knock on wood,
Speaker:oh you know,
Speaker:we're all healthy,
Speaker:knock on wood.
Speaker:You know,
Speaker:like if you say words out loud.
Speaker:But then there's other people that say,
Speaker:well if you wanna manifest things,
Speaker:you have to say them out loud.
Speaker:You know,
Speaker:there's these opposing camps and I think we just need to
Speaker:say what we want and mark it down.
Speaker:And so with this journal,
Speaker:you write down your goal and then through the month you
Speaker:can write the different things that you're doing to get there.
Speaker:And then when you come back the next year to January,
Speaker:you'll see,
Speaker:what did I write last year?
Speaker:Oh, I met that,
Speaker:or I exceeded that.
Speaker:Or Oh,
Speaker:I didn't come close to that.
Speaker:So what did I do?
Speaker:And you can go back through the journal and see this
Speaker:is how I was trying to get there and if I
Speaker:exceeded it,
Speaker:what of those things can I do more of?
Speaker:And if I didn't get there,
Speaker:okay, what do I need to let go of and change?
Speaker:Well, and this is one of the things that makes your
Speaker:journals, no matter which category is the one you would wanna
Speaker:focus on different than other things that we see out there
Speaker:because it doesn't have that year to year comparison.
Speaker:Cuz usually when you're done with a year,
Speaker:you close up that calendar,
Speaker:journal planner,
Speaker:whatever you wanna call it,
Speaker:and put it away.
Speaker:This one has five years running all in one spot.
Speaker:Right. Which means it probably doesn't fit in your purse.
Speaker:Okay. It really doesn't.
Speaker:In fact,
Speaker:so when I was coming up with mine,
Speaker:I thought,
Speaker:well these five year journals,
Speaker:there's only enough room for one sentence and there's not enough.
Speaker:I had one during the epidemic and I was trying to
Speaker:write what was happening and I could only write a couple
Speaker:sentences and I wish there had been more space because there
Speaker:was a lot happening.
Speaker:So I did mine eight and a half by 11.
Speaker:So according to Amazon,
Speaker:they are two and a half pounds of paper.
Speaker:It is a lot,
Speaker:but there's a lot of space.
Speaker:Then there's at least a full paragraph if not to,
Speaker:for you to write for every day if you want to
Speaker:or if you don't want to,
Speaker:that's okay,
Speaker:you can do whatever you want.
Speaker:But there's all kinds of space in there.
Speaker:And also I was thinking,
Speaker:it's a great place to keep all of your passwords because
Speaker:no one's gonna wanna look through your plan.
Speaker:True. Hide it on your birthday or something.
Speaker:So Jen,
Speaker:when you started creating the first one,
Speaker:which was the one for moms,
Speaker:right? How did that balance,
Speaker:or what happened to you mentally and physically because you had
Speaker:something else you were focusing on besides not feeling well?
Speaker:Oh my gosh,
Speaker:it's such a help because instead of thinking about my symptoms,
Speaker:I'm thinking about what I can do to make this better.
Speaker:And then when I finished it,
Speaker:it's beyond an adrenaline rush.
Speaker:It just felt so good.
Speaker:And they all ended up being on Amazon within one week
Speaker:and it just feels so good.
Speaker:And so every time I look at that,
Speaker:I think I did that even though I don't feel so
Speaker:great and whatever,
Speaker:I did it.
Speaker:And my 13 year old actually designed the whole cover for
Speaker:the Happiness Journal.
Speaker:And so to give her a space for that,
Speaker:that felt really good too.
Speaker:But it takes your mind off yourself.
Speaker:And I think when you're dealing with a chronic issue,
Speaker:it's so easy to think about ourselves and focus on those
Speaker:negative things And your limitations.
Speaker:Like thinking of just all the things you can't do.
Speaker:Exactly. But here,
Speaker:and that's pretty much why we wanted to talk today,
Speaker:is look at all that you've accomplished with,
Speaker:as you've described,
Speaker:how much time you're actually up or how you can be
Speaker:productive if you do need to be in bed.
Speaker:I mean,
Speaker:let's just start with a person who has what,
Speaker:we'll just call normal health seven kids,
Speaker:Jen, like yes,
Speaker:A lot it,
Speaker:It is a lot.
Speaker:Right? So you are a living example of all that you
Speaker:can accomplish,
Speaker:right? That's very sweet.
Speaker:I don't know,
Speaker:I don't think of it that way,
Speaker:but thank you.
Speaker:Well, not a chance of me for seven kids,
Speaker:I can tell you that right now.
Speaker:Even 20 years ago.
Speaker:Oh gosh.
Speaker:So as we kind of start to wind down here,
Speaker:Okay, We've got the next year coming upon us,
Speaker:we have no idea.
Speaker:Each of us in our own way are going to encounter
Speaker:different things.
Speaker:Either they're happening to us,
Speaker:happening to people that we love or our friends that we
Speaker:love, whatever.
Speaker:Couple of tips for us,
Speaker:I think on both sides,
Speaker:like couple of tips for us on what to do as
Speaker:a friend when someone has to have a change of life
Speaker:for whatever reason.
Speaker:I think just saying,
Speaker:you know,
Speaker:it's okay to say I don't know what to say.
Speaker:Hmm. It's okay to say,
Speaker:you know,
Speaker:I'm so sorry,
Speaker:this has gotta be really hard and I don't know what
Speaker:to say,
Speaker:but I'm here because a lot of people will ghost you.
Speaker:And so I don't need somebody to,
Speaker:there is no exact right thing to say anyway.
Speaker:And so just to say I'm here,
Speaker:or Wow,
Speaker:you're really strong,
Speaker:I don't know how you're going.
Speaker:Not that they have a choice of how they're going through
Speaker:it, but acknowledge like that's really strong.
Speaker:Or just things like that.
Speaker:Just showing up for them.
Speaker:Just being there.
Speaker:Just show up.
Speaker:I think that's number one.
Speaker:You can admit you don't know what to say,
Speaker:you can admit you don't know how to act.
Speaker:I think just to say,
Speaker:but I'm still here.
Speaker:Especially if somebody has something like cancer,
Speaker:I think that word is so scary to everybody.
Speaker:And so people tend to flee because they just don't know
Speaker:what to say,
Speaker:but just be there.
Speaker:I think that's the number one.
Speaker:And it's easy to be there in the beginning,
Speaker:but then six months from now when they're still going through
Speaker:treatment, send them a text once a week.
Speaker:Put a reminder in your phone just to say,
Speaker:I'm here.
Speaker:I just want you to know I'm here.
Speaker:Yeah. Oh,
Speaker:that's wonderful.
Speaker:I love that.
Speaker:That's very helpful.
Speaker:Now swing it over on the other side if it's you.
Speaker:And so what would you say to someone who has something
Speaker:happened to them that needs to make their life change to
Speaker:continue on?
Speaker:I would say that because we know that life has,
Speaker:its up and downs,
Speaker:right? You can say to yourself right now,
Speaker:things are great,
Speaker:things are good,
Speaker:but have a plan for yourself.
Speaker:Okay? So when something comes,
Speaker:and it might be 20 years from now or whatever,
Speaker:that's a big stressor.
Speaker:What am I gonna do?
Speaker:How do I handle that best?
Speaker:And decide,
Speaker:you know,
Speaker:decide. Okay,
Speaker:because maybe it's just taking some time for yourself or whatever.
Speaker:Have a plan for yourself.
Speaker:And number two,
Speaker:allow yourself to feel.
Speaker:I think in our culture,
Speaker:we just tell everybody to stop being upset and stop being
Speaker:sad and just stop whatever.
Speaker:No, you can let yourself feel it.
Speaker:Give yourself permission to feel.
Speaker:And if that means take a few days.
Speaker:I have a friend who had,
Speaker:I don't even remember what it was,
Speaker:and she said she was in bed for three days and
Speaker:then her husband came in and he said,
Speaker:alright, you have two choices.
Speaker:You can live the rest of your life in bed being
Speaker:depressed because you have this diagnosis,
Speaker:or you can get up and live your life with this
Speaker:diagnosis. These are your options,
Speaker:but I can't support you laying in bed forever.
Speaker:You know,
Speaker:the kids can't watch this.
Speaker:And she thought,
Speaker:oh yeah,
Speaker:well no,
Speaker:I guess I don't wanna,
Speaker:it kind of made her think about that.
Speaker:And so give yourself that time,
Speaker:but then tell yourself you are going to be okay and
Speaker:find the ways to cope.
Speaker:So you're just gonna need to find ways to do things
Speaker:differently. Like for me,
Speaker:I bought a hospital table.
Speaker:For me that's number one.
Speaker:Especially like if you're crafting or whatever,
Speaker:if you've got a whatever,
Speaker:get one of those hospital tables on wheels because you can
Speaker:do so many more things from bed.
Speaker:Buy yourself one to 40 bucks on Amazon and just find
Speaker:ways and make it a game.
Speaker:You know,
Speaker:how can I find ways to do things differently?
Speaker:Make it interesting,
Speaker:make it fun.
Speaker:Have your kids help you or have your friends help you
Speaker:if you don't have kids,
Speaker:come up with gamify things.
Speaker:Oh, interesting.
Speaker:Yeah. I actually will give myself treats,
Speaker:which sounds so funny,
Speaker:but I'll get cookies.
Speaker:You know,
Speaker:I don't feel good,
Speaker:but for every time I write a page in my book,
Speaker:I'm gonna eat a cookie.
Speaker:Little things like that.
Speaker:It sounds silly,
Speaker:but it gets you through.
Speaker:Or you've got a treatment that you really don't wanna go
Speaker:to. And it's really hard,
Speaker:okay, I've got this treatment,
Speaker:but every time I go to treatment I'm going to treat
Speaker:myself with X thing.
Speaker:You know,
Speaker:just because we're not kids doesn't mean that treats don't help.
Speaker:Yeah. Because they really can.
Speaker:Small rewards are wonderful.
Speaker:Yes they are.
Speaker:There's nothing wrong with that.
Speaker:No. Connected with an achievement,
Speaker:a goal,
Speaker:or doing something.
Speaker:Exactly. And it doesn't have to be huge.
Speaker:I mean,
Speaker:don't go broke,
Speaker:but, but just,
Speaker:you know,
Speaker:allow yourself to feel good.
Speaker:Give yourself ways to feel good.
Speaker:Well this has been wonderful Jen.
Speaker:And like I said,
Speaker:you're such a good example of,
Speaker:you know,
Speaker:when life brings,
Speaker:I'm not gonna do the whole lemon lemonade thing cuz that's
Speaker:overused. But like when something comes up that you weren't expecting,
Speaker:that really shakes your world up,
Speaker:which could happen to any of us at any time,
Speaker:at any minute,
Speaker:as we've all seen over the course of years.
Speaker:Right? There are ways to cope with it better than just
Speaker:succumbing to it and saying,
Speaker:everything is lost.
Speaker:Yeah. Please don't do that.
Speaker:And that's the conversation.
Speaker:You know,
Speaker:I want this to be an uplifting conversation as we're entering
Speaker:into the new year,
Speaker:but it's worth time to give this some thought.
Speaker:When you are not in the situation,
Speaker:what would you you do if you were,
Speaker:because heaven forbid you found yourself there.
Speaker:You may be able to switch over into that new life
Speaker:in a little smoother way,
Speaker:I guess I'd say.
Speaker:Exactly. That's the intent for it.
Speaker:And we still get to be in control of our lives.
Speaker:And can I end on,
Speaker:I wanna share a story with someone else's story,
Speaker:but it's so motivating.
Speaker:Yes. I'd love for you too.
Speaker:So it's just about hope.
Speaker:So if something happens and you think,
Speaker:oh my gosh,
Speaker:all hope is lost,
Speaker:my life is over,
Speaker:whatever it is,
Speaker:I may cry.
Speaker:My friend CJ Cola,
Speaker:she's amazing.
Speaker:I knew her in person and then I interviewed her on
Speaker:my podcast when she had stage four cancer.
Speaker:She had had problems.
Speaker:She was not able to get the healthcare she needed,
Speaker:and it was stage four by the time they found it.
Speaker:Stage four uterine cancer.
Speaker:And she was on my podcast and her son was four,
Speaker:and she said,
Speaker:I am going to live for my son.
Speaker:I'm going to see him graduate.
Speaker:I'm going to see him get married.
Speaker:I am not letting this take over.
Speaker:When she went and got treatment,
Speaker:she would give ladies rides home who didn't have rides home
Speaker:on her way from her own cancer treatment,
Speaker:started a foundation,
Speaker:has a huge ball every year in Nashville.
Speaker:It is now five years later.
Speaker:I just re-interviewed her.
Speaker:She is cancer free.
Speaker:She is here for her son.
Speaker:He is playing football,
Speaker:he's doing all these things.
Speaker:It makes my eyes water,
Speaker:but it just goes to show,
Speaker:does it mean that if someone passes from cancer that they
Speaker:did not are not aware?
Speaker:Whatever. No,
Speaker:no. You try as hard as you can,
Speaker:but you know what?
Speaker:Just because you get that diagnosis of whatever it is,
Speaker:that is not the end of your life.
Speaker:Well, it could be,
Speaker:but it does not mean that it's the end of your
Speaker:life. You keep living your life like it's gonna keep going.
Speaker:You keep living your life and finding ways to make things
Speaker:happen, doing things for other people and moving forward even when
Speaker:your body's pushing back,
Speaker:because at least you'll have peace,
Speaker:you'll have happiness,
Speaker:and you'll enjoy your life while you're here.
Speaker:That's the goal.
Speaker:Beautiful. That's a great note to end on.
Speaker:Jen, thank you so much for being here.
Speaker:I'm optimistic that a lot of this conversation is just that
Speaker:conversation and most people will only have to tap into one
Speaker:or two little pieces here,
Speaker:but on a much more mellow level,
Speaker:but equipping everybody with what they need moving forward was the
Speaker:intent here.
Speaker:So thanks Jen.
Speaker:I really appreciate you coming on the show today.
Speaker:Oh, thanks so much for having me.
Speaker:I really appreciate it.
Speaker:This conversation has left me feeling so much more equipped for
Speaker:whatever 2023 can bring by opening up as she did and
Speaker:being vulnerable with her situation.
Speaker:She's helped shed light on a way to approach the challenges
Speaker:that are a natural part of life.
Speaker:My hope for you is that your challenges are light and
Speaker:your year is full of beautiful experiences.
Speaker:Let's all welcome.
Speaker:In 2023,
Speaker:I wanna make sure you're familiar with my free Facebook group
Speaker:called Gift Biz Breeze.
Speaker:It's a place where we all gather and are a community
Speaker:to support each other.
Speaker:I got a really fun post in there that's my favorite
Speaker:of the week,
Speaker:I have to say,
Speaker:where I invite all of you to share what you're doing
Speaker:to show pictures of your product,
Speaker:to show what you're working on for the week,
Speaker:to get reaction from other people.
Speaker:And just for fun,
Speaker:because we all get to see the wonderful products that everybody
Speaker:in the community is making.
Speaker:My favorite post every single week.
Speaker:Without doubt.
Speaker:Wait, what?
Speaker:Aren't you part of the group already?
Speaker:If not,
Speaker:make sure to jump over to Facebook and search for the
Speaker:group Gift Biz breeze.
Speaker:Don't delay.
