Artwork for podcast Purpose Through Pain
158: Choose yourself with Regina Gulbinas
Episode 15810th January 2023 • Purpose Through Pain • Joseph James
00:00:00 00:45:05

Share Episode

Shownotes

“If you had a chance to relive today, would you have lived it the same way?”

In this episode, we have a special guest Regina Gulbinas. She will share her life journey and how she overcame her struggles and got to where she is today.

Regina experienced a toxic relationship and a very abusive marriage. And trying to get out of this marriage, she raised two children while also dealing with over 2 million in debt. She has a phenomenal story to talk about today. Not only able to get out of it but how she's been able to help and coach businesses that have gone through very similar situations, struggles, pain, challenges, and adversities and help them grow to get out of it. Another life-changing topic that we will hear as Regina shares knowledge and many values with us today.

Key Takeaways:

• It's okay to grieve. You're going to have those moments, and it's inevitable. You go through an abusive relationship or major debt, or you go through somebody trying to destroy your life, but take the moments, be strategic about it and have a plan.

• It's okay to walk away, and it's okay for people not to agree with you, for people to dislike you, and for people not to understand. All of these are okay if you know you're doing what you're doing for the right reasons.

• Stop asking people what they think about how you should live your life because they're just projecting their unresolved stuff onto you.


Tweetable Moments:

1. "It takes a lifetime to get to a decision, and then it takes a second to make it."

2. "When you're walking through the fire, only two things can happen. It can destroy or refine you, and the choice is ours."

3. "If you had a chance to relive today, don't live the same way.”


Connect with Regina Gulbinas at: regina@reginagulbinas.com

Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/regina-gulbinas-82423120/


Connect with Joseph James:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/meetjoejames

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/meetjosephjames/


Transcripts

Joseph: Hey everyone, and welcome to another great show of Purpose Through Pain Podcast. I am your host Joseph James, and today we have an amazing guest. And let me just tell you before I introduce her, what we're going to be talking about, this is a astronomical story and like all stories we, that we talk about have a pain or a pain point on this show, but also we believe in having victories and we don't have to live in the pain for the rest of our life. But this is someone that, during a very abusive marriage and trying to get out of this marriage, she was raising two children while also dealing with over 2 million worth of debt. She has a phenomenal story that she's gonna be talking about today. Not only what she was able to get out of, but how she's been able to help and coach businesses that have gone through very similar situations, and struggles, pain challenges, adversities, and help them grow to get out of it.

Welcome to the show, miss Regina, thank you so much for, coming on and we're just truly honored that you would, you'd share your knowledge with us today. Thank you.

Regina: Thank you. I mean, I'm excited to share, I'm excited to serve and I think it's gonna bring a lot of value to your listeners. I'm happy for that.

Joseph: Yes, ma'am. Thank you so much. So Regina, let's, I mean, what in the world? You know, I mean, 2 million worth of debt, over 2 million worth of debt raising two children and abusive relationship. What kind of, take us back to, you know, this, this pain point that you learned and you figured out how to get out of what, take us back to that.

Regina: You know, I've learned through this experience and by, serving and helping over a hundred, corporations reorganized through financial crisis, that we are all much more capable than we think, we're all much more, we're smarter than we think, we're stronger than we think. Uh, I think generally until life kind of brings us to our needs, we really don't test how far we can go, ut the reality is we're all much more capable than we give ourselves ourselves credit for. We, really, really are. And I think for me, making a decision to leave the marriage when I was 29 was a matter of, is this what is this the life that I wanna remember at the end of my life? Like, is this the story I wanna tell? Is this what I want my daughters to see? Is this the type of a marriage I want them to experience? Because if they end up in abusive marriages, I will have no say I in any of it, I won't tell, I won't be able to have, tell them to leave or you can do better, because they'll ask me, well, what about you, mom? So like, it was such a bigger context than just me staying in it, it was, what about my daughter? What about their daughters? What about their daughter's daughters? Like, it was such a big concept for me. It wasn't just about me and literally, you know, I think it takes like a lifetime to get to a decision then it takes a second to make it. And literally one day I just woke up and I was like, I'm just not doing this anymore, and I really, when people talk about they live with nothing, like we had a real estate portfolio, beautiful hole, we had all of it. I literally know Joe came home from work with the escort of a police, ‘cause I went to the police station, look, I just need to leave. I'm done, like this is what's happening. Put some of my clothes in a trash bag, put it in the back of my car, and I left, like I left everything, it's not like I took stuff like I left. So that was kind of the beginning of the whole journey and you know, people fight for stuff and things of that nature and when my attorney said, what do you want? I said, I want my kids. He said, I don't think you understand, like there's stuff, like, what do you want? I said, I don't think you understand, I just want my kids. Yeah, and granted, the reason I ended up in debt is because all of that stuff was in my name. So it's a whole different story how I ended up with the debt. But I didn't care about any of it, I didn't care about the financial crisis that's gonna come because my husband was very forthcoming, he set me down because I told him like, I'm done, like I have nothing else to give you as a woman, I am done, like there's nothing left for me, this relationship, and if you wanna live with me like a roommate, I said, I mean, how long are we gonna last, because don't you want somebody who wants to be with you ‘cause I'm not her, like I'm done, this is just horrible. And he set me down and he said, if you leave, I'm gonna destroy you financially, I'm gonna make sure you have no money, like, I mean, he really laid out the game plan. It's not like it was a surprise, like we had a conversation, I said, look, you go for it, you do what you gotta do. I'm gonna do what I have to do, and it was like game on basically, and that was quite, and that was quite a show, let me tell you, it took three years. So, the whole divorce was three years, I just watched somebody to take my life apart, literally, just take it apart, you know, he was collecting mortgages from a lot of properties that were in my name collecting rents, not paying the mortgages, the banks were calling me. The homes were going into foreclosure. He went to the foreclosure sales, bought them for like eight, 10 cents and a dollar. I mean, I watched my life be destroyed, completely destroyed, and the courts couldn't stop it. I mean, what are they gonna do, you know, they tell him no, he does what he does, and then that's it, restraining orders, I mean, the threats of kidnapping the kids. I mean, how long do you want me to go with this? How long, how much longer do you want me to say was it was a quieter show.

Joseph: Yeah, let me ask you this, when it came to, you know, ‘cause I've talked to other people and I've coached other people that have been in the abusiveness, you know, verbally, physically, but when he sat you down and he sat there, and threatened you, it was basically trying to use fear to dictate your decisions. How did you override that? Did you take it as a challenge of like, ‘cause you did just say game on, you know, was that your mentality at that time or was there a lot of fear of like, I don't know if I can do this or you're just like, I don't care what happens.

Regina: You know, a couple of things, I've always had the personality of I'm always gonna be okay no matter what, it's just my wiring, it's just my personality, how I am. I have a very high tolerance for chaos and fear, I can be afraid and still do the things that I need to do, I think that's what makes me so extraordinary in navigating people through bankruptcies and financial crisis and in big corporations, because like nothing scares me, like I know it sounds crazy to a lot of people, but literally I'm like, okay, that's fine, but what's the solution? I'm very solution driven, I'm not problem driven. And cause I'm not a problem driven. It's always okay, but, okay, you said this, but what's next? And ultimately, but again, I was only 29, right? I was still young, but ultimately it was everything has a cost, what was the cost? The rest of my life being miserable? Because the kids are gonna grow up, they're gonna leave very damaged, obviously, especially for girls, and then I'm stuck with this or do I kind of walk through the fire, get this mess done with, I you know, give it five, maybe 3, 5, 7 years of my life to clean this up, but then have a life on the other side of it. So I think it's ability to measure. I'm very logically, logical, logic driven. So I can really quickly measure things and assess, okay, what is this worth? What is this worth? What's gonna hurt less, a lifetime of chaos or maybe a decade of chaos? And then you give me the choice.

Joseph: Yeah. I love that Regina, ‘cause I mean, it's like you were saying earlier, right when you started the show is, you know, thinking about your girls and thinking about, you know, the life that you're gonna live, is this what I want to, is this what I want to have or live with when my life ends, so to say, and you were thinking legacy, you know?

Regina: Yeah, absolutely.

Joseph: And I don't know if you realized it at the time, but you were thinking legacy and, you know, and even hearing you talk now, it's just like, you know, the difference between solution driven and problem driven, you know, the solution is the legacy, right? I want whatever it has to happen to get to the legacy that I desire for my life, the dream, the vision, the goal versus, oh my goodness, this is the problem that I have, how am I gonna get through a problem? You know, it is problem solving, so to say, but ultimately, without a goal in mind, there is no action, right? We can talk about things all day long, but unless we set something in, in place of, hey, this is not the way I want to live, that's a goal. It may not be broken down yet, but it's still a goal, you know? From me growing up in a very abusive household and I kept on having my mom and my older sister tell people or tell me, you're always gonna be like your dad, finally just when the day I realized that I was walking in those footsteps of my dad, I just simply said, I don't wanna be like my dad. And it just all broke off of me, like spiritually, like everything just broke off com completely from me, you know, and growing up in a faith-based family, my, that was my prayer to God. I was like, God, I just don't wanna be like my, and everything completely broke, the attitude, the the hatred, you know, but I didn't know goals at that time. I just didn't wanna be like my dad, you know?

Regina: It's very true because you know, like the decision came in an instant, that's what I was saying, right? The decision came in an instant. And also I think we often talk about, what gifts do we wanna pass on our kids, what strengths, what knowledge, what education? We have all of these conversations, but we never talk about what trauma are we passing on to our kids. Like what bad mindset are we, what are we passing on to our kids? Like, nobody wants to talk about that, we only wanna talk from the empowered place. But I think that's also a conversation, what would I've passed on to my kids that it's okay to be talked down to me, that it's okay for me to work in know 15 hour days and he's actually stay home and says he can't find a job, like, what's okay? Like, what am I teaching my daughters? And I think that was a big wake up call for me as well, because ultimately, I always knew since I was little, God need me for something great. I didn't know what it is, but I knew that, and I knew that in that environment I could not thrive because I was moving along in life and expanding so fast. The gap also between us became too big. You know, like if you are expanding at a certain pace and your partner is maybe like two, three steps behind, but they're always two, three steps behind, like they're still expanding at the same pace, that's okay. But if you are gaining two steps under one and you're two, the gap, I mean, there is nothing left between, the people. So there was a whole, that was a different layer of, I'm just emotionally and mentally dying in this relationship, and I'm not even 30 yet because I've always been so hungry for life and so excited for these things. I mean, listen, by the time I was 40 every organized over a hundred multimillion dollar corporations, I don't have formal trading and education, I barely graduated high school. So somebody with my mental capacity and my emotional capacity, like I am hungry for life, and when I come home and I see this thing sitting on a couch, like nothing turns me on about that, aside from the, the abuse and a bad behavior and things like that, even if that wasn't existing, but watching that when I walked through the door is just, what are we doing? You know? And again, I didn't wanna pass it to my kids that it's okay to marry somebody who, like, I don't even know how to explain him to my children at this point.

Joseph: Wow. So you get through the divorce, I mean you talked about it being long and drawn out. I mean, you know, how did you make it through that? Was it still your ability to think logically through for a solution versus the problem? Is that how you've always been, is that how you've always operated?

Regina: Well, first of all is once it takes me a long time to make an a life altering decision, leaving a marriage was, it took me about three years to make the decision because it was about, you know, first of all, you hope somebody's gonna change, plus I was young, I still believed in, you know, in magic and miracles, people change all that stuff. I mean, at 44, obviously nobody believes that anymore, at least not at that capacity, not at that level. But, so it took me about three years to make a decision and then, it was about once I make a definite decision, because I take my time, I'm not impulsive, I'm calculated, once I make my decision, there is no going back. Like the decision is made, it's done. Now that it's done, what's the, again, logically, what's the other option? Sit here and cry about it. No, we're gonna get through this, but there were days where I couldn't even get through a day. So it was logically, okay, how are we gonna do this? I have to go to work, I had restraining orders, I got a hundred percent physical legal custody, I have two kids, 3 and 7, 10 and 3, two different schools, two different sets of activities. I have clients up to, you know, seven to 12 companies at a time that are failing, I'm out of my mind. I'm not sleeping, I'm exhausted, I'm financially depleted, no matter how much money I made, it just wasn't enough ‘cause I was trying to maintain the debt. It was so much, I was like, okay, I can't like even comprehend the next 24 hours. And I would ask myself, what can you do? I'm like, I can live through an hour, okay, what are we gonna do this hour? And my life literally became an hour at a time and sometimes, I know it sounds silly, sometimes it was like 15 or three minutes at a time because my emotional system couldn't process more than 15 minutes at a time because I was like, okay, I can function for 15 minutes, but 20 minutes pass, like, I'm a mess. Okay, we're gonna do 15 minutes and then 30 minutes, and then an hour, and then maybe three hours, okay, you're losing it again. Let's go back to 30 minutes, we're gonna scale it back down. So it was very mechanical, very logical, very strategic ut I also have a personality of, you do what you gotta do, okay? So you're in this mess. Now what, now what? What are we gonna do? We're gonna cry about it, we're gonna complain, we're gonna take action, what are we gonna do? Your daughters are watching you, what are you gonna do? So I think because I have that personality, not that it's easy for me, but I think I've never really submitted to fear where it prevented me from taking action. Not because I wasn't afraid, but because I always know that, I can be afraid when people say I can't do this, the reality is you can do this, you can get out of bed, brush your teeth, and go outside, you can get in your car and drive to work, you can. We just choose not to because the fear is greater than faith. So when I would tell myself I can't do something, I would be like, okay, can you, are you really not able to do this physically? Like get out of bed and do these things, or you're just not emotionally capable? Okay, I'm not emotionally capable, that means you're gonna get out of bed, you're gonna brush your teeth, you're gonna take your kids to school, you're gonna make them, you know what I'm saying? So it was very mechanical but it helped because when you can be mechanical strategic, it takes the emotion, it puts the emotion to the, and that allows me...

Joseph: Absolutely. You said something very important, and we've never even had this conversation before, but when my father and wife passed away, you know, I didn't know what to do, you know, and I had three kids and someone just tell me, he's like, Joseph, you gotta create a routine, you just gotta be, you know, and you're, you're using the word mechanical and people kept on asking me, why is it why in the world are you able to smile after so much pain, you know? And to begin with, I'm just like, well, you know, it's God, right? You know, my relationship with God, but I knew for people that didn't have that same belief or core belief in God, that would not mean much to them, right? So I really had to start breaking things down, and one of the things that I didn't realize I was doing, and you just literally shared it, so it was neat that you say it is, when my wife had been diagnosed with cancer, I began to share on social media. I would do social media, Facebook live videos, sharing our journey, things like that. And it wasn't until about 10 months after she passed that I realized I was grieving in 15 minute increments, okay. And that was one of the pillars of the coaching that when I first started was taking time to grieve, because I kind of picture it like, if it's misty, rainy outside, right? And it's like that all day, gloomy weather, we feel like we want to stay in bed all day long, like we don't wanna do nothing, we just want to stay kind of bundled up in the bed because it's just that gloom, weirdness environment, right? Or atmosphere. Okay, well, if we're crying all day, okay, then we stay in that mode or that mentality all day long. But if we do it in increments, like you said, you went an hour and then you had to back it up, I didn't realize I was doing it in 15 minute increments and you know, you, what I would have to do is I would do my videos for 15 minutes or 20 minutes, I'd cry, I'd share on social media, and then I'd have to go back in the house, I'd have to draw my tears because I had to now confront and be in front of my kids, I had to be in front of my wife and not that I was egotistical and couldn't let them see a man cry is I had to be strong for my family in different moments. And if I was always crying, I knew they always would be, and I knew we couldn't live that way. And so I didn't realize until, you know, months later that I was grieving in 15 minute increments and then I'd dry my tears and then now that didn't, that didn't stop sometimes from one minute later of starting another 15 minutes of grieving, but eventually the 15 minutes got shorter and the time in between got longer, you know, and we were able, I was able to get mechanical or get a schedule going when I didn't want to get outta bed after my wife and dad passed, I didn't wanna do the things, but I knew I had kids and what was I going to teach them? You know that number one, yeah, it's okay to grieve, you're going to have those moments, it's inevitable, you know, you go through an abusive relationship, you go through, major debt, you go through somebody trying to destroy your life, you're going to have those moments, but take the moments, be strategic about it, have a plan, hey, you know what, listen, I know people right now that schedule grieving on their own calendar because otherwise they stay in that mode all day long and they get nothing done productively. And whatever works for the individual, make it work for you, you know, and we both in our own ways, found a way to properly grieve or grieve in a healthy way, you know, may not have been to begin with, but eventually we figured it out because I'm always yet to read the one book that solves all problems when it comes to grieving, you know?

Regina: Yeah, you know, it's an interesting point, it's interesting because, considering my relationship, you think I'd be so excited to leave, but I still had to agree with, and until that paper, piece of paper came with the signature, you are divorced, I've realized I'm grieving the idea of marriage, I still grieved it, I was happy to get away from the environment, but I still was grieving the fact that I became , part of the statistic, I didn't want, I wanted to get married once. So I still had a grieving process with that and you still grieve what could have been. So I think we all grieve, I mean, of course your level of grieving was very different because of the loss of people that are so important to you. We all have our own level of that, our own circumstances of that, but yeah, like you, like we talked about, the kids are watching, the children are watching, and I have to tell you, my daughter, they are solid, like they're so strong because they've watched me navigate something absolutely insane and they watch me be happy on the other side of it. So they've been exposed to something no children should be exposed to, but at the same time, they saw a strength of a human being of they saw a woman choose herself inspired, it's not like my divorce was great, it was split in 50-50, and he was 50% data and everything was fantastic, like my kids were being my, my kids were under a threat of being kidnapped to a different country for God's sake, you know what I mean? So it's not like it was a smooth transaction here, but they saw what happens when you choose yourself. Yeah, like I was like, God forbid if I go tomorrow, my daughters are gonna be okay. They're 18 and 25 now, like, I'm not worried about them because I know that the things I've passed on to them. I'm sure there is drama and trauma ‘cause of everything we've gone through, but of course the other side that I've passed on to them, I am proud that I chose me because I chose, I showed them how, what it looks like when you choose yourself. I chose them that when you choose yourself, a lot of times there will be chaos, people are not gonna like it when you choose yourself, and that's also okay. It's okay to walk away, it's okay for people not to agree with you, it's okay for people to dislike you, it's okay for people not to understand. All of these are okay if you know you're doing what you're doing for the right reasons. And now while my older one really went through a hard time ‘cause she was very close with her dad, she really hated me for leaving. Now she's 25 when I talk to her, I'm like, honey, do you understand it now? And do you understand why I made the decisions? And do you understand why I was so strict? Because I rent my home like military style, do you, she goes, mom, I get it, she goes, I didn't get it then but what I didn't do is I never let go of the grip and what I knew was right to do, I never listened to anybody, I never cared for people's opinion, I never let anything penetrate my mind, my body, my spirit with what I know is true for my daughters and for myself, I was so firm and strong with that, there was a lot of voices outside of me. Their opinions and what they think and that didn't matter, I was so strong and convicted and steadfast in what I saw for myself and for my daughters that even when my daughters would tell me, I hate you, I mean the typical teenage girl stuff, none of it mattered, I stayed the course and now when I talk to them, they're like, we get it, we get it. And I was like, it would've been much easier for me if you got it sooner, ‘cause you put me through hell and back, but I'm so proud of myself that I never wavered from what I thought was right for my daughters and I, in spite of the fact them slamming doors and telling me they hate me and in spite of the fact that everybody had an opinion, like I stayed the course, and it was very hard. You know, a lot of the times when I speak with, speak to people tell me, you're so powerful, you're so strong, you're so confident, all of this stuff, like were you not afraid? I was extremely afraid, I think because of have a strong personality, people really don't believe how terrified I was. I was afraid, my tires were slashed, my kids were in the threat of kidnapped into a different country, I had to put them on a, like, global alert, like, I had multiple restraining orders, not like for a few months, for years, multiple for short term and two, three year restraining orders, that's not an accident. The judge would just hand me out restraining orders ‘cause he saw what I was dealing with. I was terrified, I was very afraid, I had my account overdrafted a million times in spite of the fact that I was making one to six figures because I was trying to pay everything and pay everyone and feed the kids and keep everybody sane, but I was very afraid, but it didn't change the fact that I had a something to do here, And while my daughters were watching me, I had my clients watching me, they were counting on me. So I couldn't crumble even if I wanted to. I've got my daughters, I've got myself, I've got my friends watching me like, like a tick in time, Bob, not knowing I'm gonna go off ‘cause I'm just, it's too much. And I've got seven to 12 clients going through bankruptcy, millions and debt. Their marriages are falling apart, everybody hates them, their employees are not getting, and I'm gonna hold them together, right. There was other team of people I was working with, but it was like the main character in the game, one of the main characters in holding people together, and I've got all of that. So what do you do? I was very afraid, I cried a lot, just people didn't see me afraid, people didn't see me cry, that was like my personal time.

Joseph: Yeah, yeah. Do you feel that because you chose you, and that is why you're at, where you're at today is living empowered and living victorious. Not that everything's perfect ‘cause nothing will ever be, you know, but you chose, you made the choice to choose you and of course your daughters right, you know, to live to enjoy what you want or to go after that goal that you want, that when you in life and you said if you were to leave today, leave her today, your daughters will be okay, do you feel that that mentality and that that choice right there is why you're at where you're at mentally, but also have been able to bring your clients to that same level and that same degree of thinking?

th,:

Joseph: That's lovely, that's lovely. So how, tell me what you're doing with your clients now and how, what you, how by choosing yourself has been able to cultivate the businesses and the things that you're doing now with other companies.

Regina: So, I work with a lot of online businesses now, but it's starting to be more, ‘cause I'm doing more business podcasts, more people are coming offline as well, really building their companies in a way that makes them happy, scaling their businesses, building their companies in a way that makes them happy but the interesting thing is a lot of it ends up being personal development work because your company, your business, is just a reflection of the decisions that you make, the profitability either resembles your fears, that insecurities and doubts, or your profitability, resembles your level of bravery and commitment. That's a number is just a byproduct, it's just a reflection of your decisions, it's not just numbers don't just happen, they're simpler byproducts. So a lot of people that come to me, we end up, believe it or not, like restoring their entire life, I just finished working with the client, worked together for a year, we moved her out. First of all, she came in a bad relationship, we got her, we set up multiple streams of income, paid over $30,000 worth of debt, and moved her into a separate place from and got her away from an alcoholic, narcissistic, abusive relationship, both her and her two kids while building multiple streams of, so people come to me for business, but God's using you for both of my life and business strategies. I can't get away from that, I know both, so I understand people and I understand money, and we're working with another woman right now, she lost full custody of her kids just because the country that she's in, and now we're fighting the custody, we're fighting the system we're coming up with all while we're navigating her seven figure brand and global brand and completely reposition the whole thing. So while people come to me for money, they're like, wait a minute, I actually have a life that you can help me correct, what that's, I don't know how else to explain it.

y, when my mom passed away in:

Regina: Yeah. You know, it's interesting, I think, I mean, I can only speak to my, lived experience. I think, I don't know how people navigate when they actually lose a child, so I absolutely, I would never even dare, speak to that. But there, for the most part, there is a purpose, like when it's not that much of a critical situation, but I think for me, what I learned, I'm only gonna speak for myself because this is a touch of subject with abusive relationships. For me, I had to not just understand the purpose, but what I decided to do, again, full disclosure for myself, is that I took responsibility for the relationship and when I first said it, somebody said to me like, this is crazy and you are nuts, and this is just insanity, I said, listen, if I don't take full responsibility for choosing the wrong man, because everybody told me, he's not a good guy, I was 17 when I met him, what do I know, right? Everybody to, it's not like everybody hid it from me, everybody told me. So, and I realize that if I don't take the responsibility for choosing the wrong man, I will choose the same guy again, because it's not he, it's not my fault, it's everything is his fault, he's the bad guy, and I realized I am now willing to relieve that experience. So for me personally, by taking responsibility for choosing the wrong guy and avoiding red flags and not paying attention, I have never in my life been in a bad relationship since then, the relationship didn't work out, but I have never been in a relationship since then that I've dated where I was mistreated, disrespected, spoken down to none of that, because I was so crystal clear on where I went wrong and where I allowed certain things. So for me, there's purpose to the pain, there is all of that stuff, and by taking responsibility, I gotta tell you, I took, it made me happier, I know it sounds crazy, it really made me happier, I was like, okay, the light bulb is on, I know what not to do, and a lot of times it's not about knowing what to do, it's about knowing what not to do, I'm like, I know how to avoid this again, and I've never in my life had, because sometimes we get into the pattern of say, relationship, not understanding why is this happening? Well, often we choose the pattern, we continue with the pattern. So the moment I took responsibility, I broke the pattern, and I've never had that experience again in my life ever.

Joseph: Wow, wow. Regina, you know, it's different to have your message on here just simply because like, you're the first person that's talked about choosing yourself, you know? And I think it's remarkable that you did, you know, a lot of people say, well, I did it for my kids, you know, and strong, legitimate reasons, sometimes that's our why's our children, right, or other circumstances, you know, even though your children were part of your mind and your decision at the time, you ultimately did it still for you, you had to choose you because at the end of the day, it's like the whole airplane thing, right? You know, if the oxygen mask comes down, you know, it says put it on yourself first, you know, because if you can't take care of yourself, you'll never be able to take care of anybody else, and I like what you said earlier about society does paint the picture that, if we are taking care of our self, we're selfish, but yet you talk to people that are, are prosperous, and I'm not talking about just financially, I'm talking about wealthy, I'm talking about health, what will they always say? Jim Roone, Tony Robbins, they will always say, the best investment you can ever make is the investment on yourself.

Regina: That's right, that's right.

Joseph: It doesn't matter how it is, whether it's financial investment, whether it's you know, personal development and knowledge, whatever the case is, health, working out the best you will always, ever do, and it's just like in leadership, you can't, I don't believe that you can truly lead other people to places that you've never led yourself to go.

Regina: Yes. And also I think the choosing yourself, a lot of it comes from being afraid of what people are gonna think and say, we're all as a society, we're terrible victims of what will other people think? For me, it's, is this right with God? Okay, check mark there, I don't care about anything else. Not cause I don't care, but if it's right with God, it's not gonna hurt anybody, it's not gonna hurt anybody, people's opinions, everybody's got an opinion. Oh, are you gonna like live out everyone else's opinion? What are you gonna do? And again, I don't believe being selfish is selfish. I believe that, look, I wanna be happy, this is the only life I have, that's the bottom line, and I'll be honest with you, I've told all of my friends who had an opinion, please don't tell it to me, swear to God, I told him, you guys wanna talk behind my back, knock yourself out, I just don't care, don't tell me your opinion, if I'm interested, I promise you, I will come ask you, but I have the, I just, I've always had that level of confidence to tell people, look, I don't, tell me what you think, if I need to know what you think, not because I'm rude, but because everybody, here's the bottom line, everybody will only advise you based on their level of fear, based on their level of insecurity, they're based on their past trauma, based on their self-esteem issue. It's like people are saying, I've asked my mom who's been an employee all her life, if I should go start a business, and she said, no. Well, what do you think she's gonna tell you? She's been an employer all her life, you know what I mean, like it's a whole different mentality. Stop asking people what they think about how you should live your life because they're just projecting their unresolved stuff onto you.

Joseph: A hundred percent.

Regina: So how do you wanna live it through? And again, I wanna be happy and I'm gonna be happy and people can get on board or not, that is and in spite of all of that, I still have the same huge circle of best friends that I've had since that I met since I immigrated to the United States. So clearly my way works, nobody’s left.

Joseph: It worked. Regina, before we end the show, what would you leave with people, if you can give them one huge tip or even two tips of advice off of this, and I know we've talked about a couple different things, what would you want to leave with people?

Regina: You know, like I said earlier, at the end of, two things, number one, if you had a chance to relive today, so like it's nine o'clock at night, you're getting ready to go to bed, if you had a chance to relive today, would you have lived it the same way? Ask yourself, it's a really good question, at the end of the day, ask myself, could I have lived today better? And the answer is always yes. Could I have been braver? Yes. Could I have done more? Yes. Could I have been maybe better with God? Yes. So ask yourself. And the other thing is if you get to the end of your life, and like I said, God shows you where you could have been and which you are, will you be happy? Because one thing I wanna add to that, I remember talking to a client, a construction company in a different state, and he was like, I don't wanna do this and I don't want, this sounds hard, and just all of this complaining big commercial construction, I said, look man, you're gonna get to a place in your life or you're gonna be too damn tired and old to do anything and you will wish you had the problems of today, we're all gonna get to a place where we're gonna be too damn tired and old to do anything, and we will wish we had the problems of today because you're still young and you can get out of bed and walk and talk and brush your own hair and, you know, wipe your own butt, you know what I'm saying? And don't take it for granted, like what, I don't understand what people are waiting for, like, everybody's waiting for something like brew, literally, what are you waiting for it. So that's my thing, just go for it, if it's right with God, whatever you wanna do, I mean, go live your life, if it doesn't work out, go to the next thing and the next thing, look, my life is filled with things that didn't work out, big deal, I'm still smiling, so what?

Joseph: That's it, that's it.

Regina: But it's also full of things that did work out.

Joseph: Of course.

Regina: That's what matters.

Joseph: Love it, love it. Regina, tell us a little bit about your coaching business and if people do want to reach out how they can to reach out and get in contact with.

Regina: Yeah, social media, you know, friend Facebook, Instagram, my email address, just regina@reginagulbinas.com, like I said, people hire me as life and business strategies, life and business mentor, people come to me for business and we end up changing their entire life, their level of confidence, their, how they just navigate their lives, their relationships, because it's all of it. I'm a business strategist through and through, but in order for me to really help you build a successful, profitable company, we gotta get your mind right, and interestingly enough, people are now reaching more to me for life coaching and relationship coaching because they're hearing me speak through different ways and they're like, okay, she gets it maybe. So I mentor people, you know, life in business. That's really how God's using me.

Joseph: Love it. Now do you, have you written any books or do you have any published articles on anything? No? just, no. Lots of great information on Facebook, I've been scrolling through it the last day and just...

Regina: A lot of podcasts, if people Google my name, there's a million podcasts, they do a lot of business podcasts, no. I'm not great at writing, speaking is my way to communicate, so I leverage what I'm good at.

Joseph: Yes, absolutely. Well, Regina, thank you so much guys, do not hesitate to reach out to her, she has walked it, she's lived it, she's experienced it and she's come through it, and you know, she said earlier about walking through the fire, and I had this saying, you know, when you're walking through the fire, there's only two things that can happen, you can either be destroyed by it or refined by it, the choice is ours. And this lady right here chose to be refined by the fire, and so we're thankful for that. Regina, thank you so much for coming on the show, I greatly appreciate you.

Regina: Thank you. It was a pleasure.

Links