Shownotes
- The Mission of God is truly a family story.
- How to help your kids fall in love with Jesus.
- It's not perfect parenting God is looking for.
- The beauty and results of suffering together.
Each week the Big 3 will give you immediate action steps to get you started.
Download today’s BIG 3 right now. Read and think over them again later. You might even want to share them with others…
Thanks for Listening!
Thanks so much for joining us again this week. Have some feedback you’d like to share? Join us on Facebook and take part in the discussion! If you enjoyed this episode, please share it using the social media buttons you see at the top of this page or right below. Also, please subscribe and leave an honest review for The Everyday Disciple Podcast on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen. Ratings and reviews are extremely helpful and greatly appreciated! They do matter in the rankings of the show, and we read each and every one of them. Links and Resources Mentioned in This Episode: Coaching with Caesar and Tina in discipleship and missional living. Righteous Brood by Hugh Halter Get Caesar's Book TRANSFORMED today. Discipleship Resources from Missio Publishing
Transcripts
I shared a story about McKenna jumping in at a party between her best friend and an abusive boyfriend, and it ended her D one hockey scholarship that she was getting.
Hugh Halter:She got a concussion.
Hugh Halter:He went after her.
Hugh Halter:Cuz she attacked him and I was losing my mind after I heard what happened.
Hugh Halter:I'm looking for this kid to like, like kill him, right?
Hugh Halter:And McKenna would not tell me where he lived.
Hugh Halter:And she grabbed my hand as I'm pacing back and forth and she pulled me down on the bed.
Hugh Halter:She said, dad, Your whole life.
Hugh Halter:Your mom taught us to be peacemakers.
Hugh Halter:And she goes, you don't think that always works out, do you?
Hugh Halter:And I just remember like being so proud of her, but also so broken that.
Hugh Halter:God had asked her to step in and be a peacemaker in that way.
Hugh Halter:But again, you know, to me the hardest thing is to give your own trust of the Lord over your own life.
Hugh Halter:Way harder.
Hugh Halter:30 times harder is to trust your kids or, and so I think the discipleship thing, it's not just how we Disciple our kids.
Hugh Halter:Are we disciples?
Hugh Halter:Can we trust God?
Hugh Halter:Literally?
Hugh Halter:Physical life of our children.
Announcer:Welcome to the Everyday Disciple Podcast, where you'll learn how to live with greater intentionality and an integrated faith that naturally fits into every area of.
Announcer:Life.
Announcer:In other words, discipleship as a lifestyle.
Announcer:This is the stuff your parents, pastors and seminary professors probably forgot to tell you.
Announcer:And now here's your host, Caesar Kalinowski.
Caesar Kalinowski:Well, guess what?
Caesar Kalinowski:I had all worked out.
Caesar Kalinowski:If you were with me last week, I'd mentioned I was hoping to get a very special guest, one of our most popular guests ever back on the podcast.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I didn't tell you who it was and I'm still not gonna for a moment, but it worked out.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm gonna bring him on in just a minute.
Caesar Kalinowski:Uh, before I do, I just want to invite you to join us over on Facebook.
Caesar Kalinowski:If you're not in the Facebook group yet, then we're missing hanging out together cuz that's where you can reach me, find me, ask questions.
Caesar Kalinowski:Make sure you're not missing out on training opportunities and resources and all that stuff.
Caesar Kalinowski:Just go over Facebook, dig around for the Everyday, Disciple, Podcast.
Caesar Kalinowski:Or you can go to everyday Disciple dot com slash Facebook and uh, come on into the group.
Caesar Kalinowski:I would love to meet you there and get to know you a little bit better and get some ideas for upcoming episodes, all that stuff.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay, so now here we.
Caesar Kalinowski:Drum roll . I'm stoked to have my buddy, the man, the legend.
Caesar Kalinowski:He, he's gonna hate that I just said that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Uh, Hugh Halter on with me.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hey brother.
Caesar Kalinowski:How's it going?
Caesar Kalinowski:Man,
Hugh Halter:everybody was thinking it's Clooney, it's darn.
Hugh Halter:It's like somebody real like who's Hugh Halter?
Hugh Halter:But anyway, I'm glad to be here with you.
Hugh Halter:Caesar.
Caesar Kalinowski:Well, there's three Hugh Halters and so we're gonna have to clarify which Hugh Halter
Caesar Kalinowski:Oh, it's good to be on with you, man.
Caesar Kalinowski:Always.
Caesar Kalinowski:And we should have probably recorded the last half hour of us just.
Caesar Kalinowski:Catching up and jawboning.
Caesar Kalinowski:But anyway, man, I'm so glad to have you on.
Caesar Kalinowski:This is great.
Caesar Kalinowski:How's the family doing?
Caesar Kalinowski:How's things
Hugh Halter:good?
Hugh Halter:You know, word on the streets is my youngest daughter, you know, had a tough bout with, uh, potentially dying on us about three weeks ago.
Hugh Halter:Uh, yeah.
Hugh Halter:Yeah.
Hugh Halter:I know.
Hugh Halter:The day we actually launched this book.
Hugh Halter:You know, you always have those weird, overly spiritual people that go, oh, this all happened because you launched a book about your family, so you.
Hugh Halter:I was like, no, the book's not that good to take what we just took.
Hugh Halter:But yeah, we, uh, she's doing great and, uh, oh, man.
Hugh Halter:Yeah.
Hugh Halter:I've never thought about family more than I have in the last three weeks, and thankful for, uh, what we have and what team K has and so many in the country that've been doing Missional life and yeah.
Hugh Halter:No
Caesar Kalinowski:kidding.
Caesar Kalinowski:I, I was thinking one thing that really bound us together as friends and helped establish . really, uh, to our wives and our, even our families as friends, was that we both did kind of raise our families, our kids, the same way to be kind of part of everything we were doing in life, not separate and, you know, bifurcated away.
Caesar Kalinowski:And, and most importantly, they were always part of the mission with us.
Caesar Kalinowski:I, and I've always loved that about you and I, I think it always felt like we were cut from the same cloth.
Caesar Kalinowski:And when you're here or when we've been at your house, it's.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's not, uh, it doesn't feel that different.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like, cuz your kids are great and they're super engaging.
Caesar Kalinowski:Even when your girls were in high school, they didn't treat me like, who's the weirdo?
Caesar Kalinowski:Like, they were just like, here's one more guy in the family.
Hugh Halter:I saw McKenna goes back to school for the first time and you know, since this deal happened and I saw you commenting to her just like giving her a thumbs up.
Hugh Halter:And that's a big deal to her because she remembers how you guys lived.
Hugh Halter:Uh, you know, and you guys even coming out to Denver back in the day.
Hugh Halter:All those things.
Hugh Halter:I don't know, it's just kind of an amazing little deal.
Hugh Halter:Um, that God's family trumps our nuclear families like this, this thing called the church that's actually more important than our, our little, you know, wife and husband and three kids.
Hugh Halter:Um, that what God builds around the world is literally a family.
Hugh Halter:It's not an institution, it's not a religion.
Hugh Halter:Literally is a family.
Hugh Halter:It's literally family.
Hugh Halter:Yeah.
Hugh Halter:I'm, I'm thankful that my kids have lots of dads and lot.
Hugh Halter:, big uncles and cousins and yeah, man,
Caesar Kalinowski:you're one of 'em.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, it's surprising though, it's surprising Hugh how much pushback I get when I say things like that to people or people right in here in the podcast.
Caesar Kalinowski:They're like, no, no, no.
Caesar Kalinowski:You don't treat everybody like family.
Caesar Kalinowski:And they, they, they have this whole list of who's in and who's out.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, they have their nuclear family and everybody's outside that.
Caesar Kalinowski:But then even within the church, no, no, no brothers and sisters family.
Caesar Kalinowski:Nope.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's only, it's only this.
Caesar Kalinowski:And they point to like one verse and then they hang their hat on it.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I'm like, why are you working so hard to exclude people from your life that God has sent Jesus on a mission to come and get into your life and into his life?
Caesar Kalinowski:I don't, I don't understand why you'd want to go that direction so
Hugh Halter:hard.
Hugh Halter:Now I just try to say, Hey, if you're gonna hang in on one verse, that's great, but go ahead, let's just hang in on you.
Hugh Halter:Uh, the greatest commandment, the hinge point, what all the law and the prophet hinges on.
Hugh Halter:He says, huh, love me with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength.
Hugh Halter:And then love these other families that live next door to you as much as you love your own family.
Hugh Halter:That's literally the translation of that.
Hugh Halter:So yeah, let's pick one, but let's pick that one cuz I would change the
Caesar Kalinowski:world.
Caesar Kalinowski:Let's go for that one.
Caesar Kalinowski:The summary one.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, no kidding.
Caesar Kalinowski:Well, it does seem all too rare to.
Caesar Kalinowski:Raised kids who as adults still love God and people, and live closely connected as family.
Caesar Kalinowski:I count that as one of my greatest blessings every week.
Caesar Kalinowski:It somehow comes up and I go, I, and I know you have the exact same relationship with your kids.
Caesar Kalinowski:Uh, it's like they still, they love God.
Caesar Kalinowski:They're, they're generous.
Caesar Kalinowski:They love people.
Caesar Kalinowski:They live open homes and they love mom and dad.
Caesar Kalinowski:They're like our pals.
Caesar Kalinowski:We're going on vacation in a couple days together.
Caesar Kalinowski:and they invited us.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know what I mean?
Caesar Kalinowski:, it's all that, it's, it seems all too rare.
Caesar Kalinowski:It just, it's, I don't know why it's such an anomaly, especially within the church.
Hugh Halter:Yeah.
Hugh Halter:I think it's the culture.
Hugh Halter:I think it's the culture of the world, right?
Hugh Halter:That likes to make us have little compartments of life.
Hugh Halter:But the church took on that from the world, like the church got discipled from the world.
Hugh Halter:Like let's separate this from fetus to.
Hugh Halter:, you know, college group, let's have our kids in age appropriate, you know, Sunday schools and let's make 'em leave the minivan.
Hugh Halter:Mom and dad will go in that room and they'll go in this room, and we thought we were doing the right thing.
Hugh Halter:I, I think that's what we thought good parenting was.
Hugh Halter:Um, but the halters, we never got to do that.
Hugh Halter:You know, Ryan's epilepsy kept us at home.
Hugh Halter:We weren't able to do all that church stuff, so we just had to create church, our home.
Hugh Halter:Which meant the kids were with us on everything and we were with them.
Hugh Halter:We let them lead the mission as much as, you know, they followed us in mission.
Hugh Halter:So, um, you know, at the time, I think Cheryl and I even had moments where we thought our, have we short sheeted our own children?
Hugh Halter:Did we make too hard?
Hugh Halter:But now that they've become grown adults and chose to go to Alton, Illinois with us as a family, that was like a family conversation, not knowing what they would do here or who they would even know.
Hugh Halter:uh, if they would ever have friends again like they had in Denver, but they all said, yeah, let's go do another mission together.
Hugh Halter:And now they are, they're some of the best missionaries I know.
Hugh Halter:And, um, you know, we always say what's unique maybe about the halters is not anything special, but we do, we have chosen to do hard things together, so we'll talk about that.
Hugh Halter:Halts do hard things like we.
Hugh Halter:None of our kids picked money careers.
Hugh Halter:They picked people careers and they picked like busted, broken people careers.
Hugh Halter:So, um, and they get busted by that.
Hugh Halter:You know, the, our family, you know, they do foster care and.
Hugh Halter:McKenna works in Ferguson school district as a counselor.
Hugh Halter:So you know, every day they can drive home, bummed out.
Hugh Halter:But that's just what we've decided to do.
Hugh Halter:You know, the stories are so terrible out in the world, but they went, that's what we want to do.
Hugh Halter:So I, I wish at times that they had picked easier things, more selfish things, but, um, I did, I do think they picked that up from us.
Hugh Halter:At least they attribute that to watching mom and dad.
Hugh Halter:Over the years, you know, take people into the house or Yeah.
Hugh Halter:Look heavier weights than, than, and I, I'm, I'm glad we did it.
Hugh Halter:Now I look back, I go, I think when we stand before God, I think, you know, we screwed up a thousand different little mini decisions, but I go, we got great kids, I think.
Hugh Halter:Did something right.
Hugh Halter:You
Caesar Kalinowski:know?
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:And even that picture there of the, the career choices and the way they live and they get to come home bummed, you know, what a picture of the cross and what a picture of Christ when we throw a shoulder under the pain and consequences of other people's crappy choices.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:Totally.
Caesar Kalinowski:That's exactly what Jesus did.
Caesar Kalinowski:He didn't come to like, sweep up the gold dust that I was like flying off my life.
Caesar Kalinowski:He threw a shoulder under the crappy decisions and messed up stuff in my life and said, I'm gonna take that for you.
Caesar Kalinowski:. Hugh Halter: I, I, I love the way you say stuff, bro.
Caesar Kalinowski:, Caesar Kalinowski: I use lots.
Caesar Kalinowski:Well, what, gimme some thoughts on why we're seeing, you know, so many kids and it's not just now, it's been for a bit of a season, sort of just mass exodus of kids who, once they can, they're done with church, man.
Caesar Kalinowski:Like it's, for them it's like, thanks, but I don't have to go anymore.
Hugh Halter:Yeah.
Hugh Halter:I think it's the, it's the simplest answer in the world.
Hugh Halter:Ultimately every, every person does what they feel inspired to do and they do what, where the meaning is.
Hugh Halter:And if, if kids are leaving the Catholic Church and the the Baptist Church at the same amount, which they are now between 16 and 18, soon as they can get the car keys, they're like, I'm out.
Hugh Halter:It means that the story has just simply not been big enough to hold them.
Hugh Halter:So, you know, I would say religion is not a big enough story to hold our kids.
Hugh Halter:Uh, morality is not a big enough story to hold our kids.
Hugh Halter:. Um, so what you're left with is either a real story or it's this like weird compartmentalized deal that we've been pushing and they just go out.
Hugh Halter:Yeah, I don't wanna do it anymore.
Hugh Halter:Yeah,
Caesar Kalinowski:crazy.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's crazy.
Caesar Kalinowski:But that, I think that's how they read it.
Caesar Kalinowski:I think that's how.
Caesar Kalinowski:, they do see it.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know what you're saying there.
Caesar Kalinowski:We started noticing, um, in the young people in the church in Eastern Europe when we were really working hard to see churches planted.
Caesar Kalinowski:And that was a dirty word.
Caesar Kalinowski:Why are you gonna start more churches?
Caesar Kalinowski:No one's in the ones we have, you know, like, but they expected these young.
Caesar Kalinowski:like 19, 20, 21 year olds who were on, on fire loving Jesus and so excited, but they expected them to sort of submit to this 80 year old elder board and didn't want to do anything and they're whatever.
Caesar Kalinowski:And so they were going off and just going, you know what?
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm gonna go to the university in the big city at the capitol and get a career and I'm still gonna love Jesus.
Caesar Kalinowski:What was, what was going on?
Caesar Kalinowski:As we told 'em, you've not given them a big enough reason and vision for their lives.
Caesar Kalinowski:To say no to that, cuz you're saying stick around here in this stinky, musty old building with the 40 20 of us, whatever it is, and stack chairs and then we're gonna tell you everything you're doing wrong about it.
Caesar Kalinowski:And they're like, as soon as we showed them that they could live this in their everyday life with their friends in their flats, in their apartments at a pub.
Caesar Kalinowski:, they, here's how you can start to, you know, live this out.
Caesar Kalinowski:They were like excited.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I remember, I remember this one guy's like, well, we started three churches this last year.
Caesar Kalinowski:He is 19, still finishing university.
Caesar Kalinowski:But this is so amazing.
Caesar Kalinowski:This is so different
Hugh Halter:that, that his side hustle is starting churches.
Hugh Halter:Yeah.
Hugh Halter:Yeah.
Hugh Halter:And they, they can do that.
Hugh Halter:They, it is so, you know, relatively easy if you just like, follow Jesus.
Hugh Halter:But I think we made the, the Jesus story, a doctrine story, a uh, church label story, uh, in the, in the building story.
Hugh Halter:and these, these kids today, man, they're made for the streets.
Hugh Halter:They're made for the nooks and crannies of the world.
Hugh Halter:And so I mean if and where are they gonna see that?
Hugh Halter:If they don't see it in the story of their family, then they're gonna have to see in the story of the larger family.
Hugh Halter:You know, I didn't write the righteous brood so that the nuclear family, a mom and dad and their three kids could learn how to like do family.
Hugh Halter:because I know many people reading this will not even have a functional family.
Hugh Halter:It'll be a single mom with three kids, or it'll be a single dad.
Hugh Halter:Yeah.
Hugh Halter:Help the boy.
Hugh Halter:I mean, um, so our families are busted, but when you begin to work, you know what, what you and I used to always call Missional Community, when you live life.
Hugh Halter:In a community of people that are following Jesus, you actually have a family in that.
Hugh Halter:And so that's a righteous brood, if you will.
Hugh Halter:That's a group of people that live intentionally and jump into the world together.
Hugh Halter:And I think wherever kids see that, they're gonna want to replicate it.
Hugh Halter:Um, wherever they don't see it, they're gonna want to get the heck out.
Hugh Halter:Well that's
Caesar Kalinowski:a bigger way, bigger story.
Caesar Kalinowski:And to be a part of something like that and, and yeah, that's exactly our life.
Caesar Kalinowski:The other day, I mentioned this actually a couple weeks ago, just in the intro to another episode, but we're sitting here at the house.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm just gonna say it again cuz it's totally exactly what you're talking about.
Caesar Kalinowski:We're sitting here at the house since Christin's birthday.
Caesar Kalinowski:Whole team K here.
Caesar Kalinowski:Whole brood, you know.
Caesar Kalinowski:And, uh, The dads take the boys and, and, and little Remy rage to the park, you know, for a while.
Caesar Kalinowski:So Tina and I are home with Christin.
Caesar Kalinowski:We're just, Ooh, a little moment of the dust settles, right?
Caesar Kalinowski:And cleaning up, getting the next round of food and drinks prepared, you know, and all that.
Caesar Kalinowski:And Christin says, you know, we were reading this book the other day and just like my heart was breaking, I was bawling about.
Caesar Kalinowski:The kingdom of God and how beautiful it is and the way we all live, you know, with our extended family, our oikos . And she says, you know, through tears, she's like, it's just so beautiful and I, I want more and I want everybody I know to live this way.
Caesar Kalinowski:I want them to not be thinking God's pissed off at them and angry and like, if they don't do this, then they're that and they're gonna go here and burn forever and all this, you know, like, this is so beautiful.
Caesar Kalinowski:And she's like telling us this, you know, welling up in tears that mom and I couldn't have been, now I'm crying.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, it's like, you know, it's like that's their heart.
Caesar Kalinowski:And and they get it.
Caesar Kalinowski:They get the vision for like, but see, it wasn't just, isn't it cool we get to live this way?
Caesar Kalinowski:I think the Gospel just says, yeah, but who else?
Hugh Halter:Right?
Hugh Halter:Who else now?
Hugh Halter:Now picture that as evangelism.
Hugh Halter:If that was how everybody felt like, man, I just can't wait for my friends to meet mom and dad and be with our family.
Hugh Halter:That's literally.
Hugh Halter:What conversion was, cuz remember like the story of coming into the faith, it literally wasn't a converted religious experience, it was an adoption, right?
Hugh Halter:You've been adopted, Ephesians says, into the family.
Hugh Halter:So imagine if that was, everybody's like their heartfelt longing and I just can't wait to get my friends to, to meet the rest of my family, whatever that family is.
Hugh Halter:Yeah, and I think it would be much more natural.
Caesar Kalinowski:Well, you just mentioned righteous brood in the book and all that, so I, I want to talk about that a little bit cause I'm pretty excited about it.
Caesar Kalinowski:I know you've been kicking around these ideas and concepts for this book for, well, a long time, but you've actually put it into a book now at how you and Cheryl and the kids all sort of grew together living on mission together and really being a good news family.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I wanna, I wanna know a little bit more about that.
Caesar Kalinowski:What, what inspired you to finally write this book and put it all.
Hugh Halter:now?
Hugh Halter:Well, originally we, um, well a lot of it was, you know, I live the life that you live.
Hugh Halter:We got to go all over the world and working with churches, the most common question I got over all those years wasn't just about like the Missional life.
Hugh Halter:It was, they would say, well, what do you hate?
Hugh Halter:What do you do with your kids?
Hugh Halter:Mm-hmm.
Hugh Halter:. So they would see us living.
Hugh Halter:That was the most common.
Hugh Halter:So I started to like craft, you know, little teachings about.
Hugh Halter:What you do with the kids, you know, and that type of thing.
Hugh Halter:And so it was probably eight years ago, I launched four of those chapters in the Righteous Brood for a little ebook for Exponential.
Hugh Halter:And then I just left it.
Hugh Halter:And then when we got here to Alton, I remember I was walking down the street and, uh, McKenna drove up and, you know, we all live within like four blocks of each other here in this downtown area.
Hugh Halter:And , we'd see each other all the time.
Hugh Halter:And, and she just rolled by and, you know, gave her a quick little talk and uh, a hug.
Hugh Halter:And that was, I remember thinking, holy cow, like my adult children are with us on our third mission, and they were the ones that were pushing us to come.
Hugh Halter:And so I thought, I think it's time to finish that book because it's kind of a, a cool circle, not just how we raised them, but now they're leading the tr.
Hugh Halter:I mean, honestly, when we were leaving Denver to come here, it was my wife and my girls and the son-in-laws all wanted to come.
Hugh Halter:I was like, the guy going time out.
Hugh Halter:Why we leave in Denver?
Hugh Halter:and they were like, remember what God did when we moved to Denver together?
Hugh Halter:And then this whole world like mm-hmm.
Hugh Halter:. So to watch my adult kids lead us in the next stage of mission, that was sort of the inspiration.
Hugh Halter:Like I think it's time to finally get the book.
Hugh Halter:out for folks.
Hugh Halter:So,
Caesar Kalinowski:man, I, I'm excited for it and I, I know a lot of people are gonna dig the heck out of it, man.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's just so, it's such our heartbeat.
Caesar Kalinowski:I I can't wait to get all my kids copies, . It's gonna be amazing.
Caesar Kalinowski:What do you think some of the biggest obstacles holding families back from sort of making the mission of God a family story to, you know, what, what's, what are you seeing?
Caesar Kalinowski:I bet similar to us.
Caesar Kalinowski:I
Hugh Halter:bet it's similar.
Hugh Halter:It's always the same, bro.
Hugh Halter:It's, uh, we wrote about it in a tangible kingdom.
Hugh Halter:It's the, uh, the pesky little problems of individualism, materialism, and consumerism.
Hugh Halter:So individualism is when you want to control your own social arrangement.
Hugh Halter:So you don't, you know, like I'm a, I always joke, I'm an introvert, so I, I actually don't like people.
Hugh Halter:Like, if I had my druthers, I would just like, hang out with myself.
Hugh Halter:Like I'm so in love with myself.
Hugh Halter:Like it's amazing.
Hugh Halter:I think I'm maybe the.
Hugh Halter:One of the greatest guys out there.
Hugh Halter:I never argue with myself.
Hugh Halter:I never ask me to do something I don't wanna do.
Hugh Halter:You
Caesar Kalinowski:know, it goes perfectly.
Caesar Kalinowski:My day is perfect, as long as everything goes the way I want it
Caesar Kalinowski:The problem
Hugh Halter:with that is that Hugh Halter got crucified with Christ, so it's no longer Hugh Halter that gets to live his life.
Hugh Halter:It's Christ that wants to live in me.
Hugh Halter:So, That being the case that Jesus bought me, he gets to live me.
Hugh Halter:So I don't get to just be exactly who, it doesn't mean I'm gonna be an extrovert, but it just means that whether you're introverted or extroverted, if you invite Jesus to lead your life, he's gonna bring his friends over and he's gonna bring them to your house and he's gonna live in your house.
Hugh Halter:And then I love that you gotta blow out some walls and you gotta make room for this.
Hugh Halter:You know, when we came here to Alton, a bunch of the community or families in our community, were taking in homeless people, whatever.
Hugh Halter:And I thought, Hey, that's great.
Hugh Halter:You know, I just hope that we don't have to do that again.
Hugh Halter:And then all of a sudden, uh, we heard of a story through my daughter's social work of, of five children orphaned by their mother being killed in a automobile accident.
Hugh Halter:And they were all going through the foster care, so they were gonna separate all five kids.
Hugh Halter:except that this woman's, uh, gay lover who was also 21 raised in the foster care system, was the only one that cared about the kids.
Hugh Halter:She was trying to keep 'em together, but she, she didn't have a place to put 'em.
Hugh Halter:So McKenna called and said, Hey, mom, dad, here's the story.
Hugh Halter:, what do you think?
Hugh Halter:So we're like, bring 'em over.
Hugh Halter:So it was six months, you know, of the six of 'em in our basement.
Hugh Halter:And it was terrible.
Hugh Halter:Like, it was so disruptive.
Hugh Halter:. But that's, you know, the, the call beyond individualism is that, that the, it is the biblical hospitality that our houses are not our own, our time schedule is not our own interruptions.
Hugh Halter:That's part of what God does.
Hugh Halter:So to me, you know, . If you really want to have kids that would someday give their life for the story of Jesus, they've gotta see that level of sacrifice as they grow up.
Hugh Halter:You know, um, materialism, you know, it's always, there's just that we want stuff.
Hugh Halter:We wanna work too many hours to make too much money, to buy too many things we really don't need.
Hugh Halter:Um, and then consumerism is that kind of unconscious thing in us that says, whatever we choose to do, we're going to choose.
Hugh Halter:For our benefit, and I think this has been a parenting fapa, is like we would pick, we'd shop around for churches based on their youth group or their style of music and would hold our kids' attention.
Hugh Halter:And we realized no matter how good the church does this little program stuff, Those things don't hold our kids.
Hugh Halter:So, um, I think parents a lot of times use consumerism as an idol, if you will.
Hugh Halter:Like, Hey, we're gonna, we, we just want to go perfect for our kids.
Hugh Halter:So they choose that stuff instead of, uh, what really the Gospel is that we sacrifice.
Hugh Halter:It's a downward journey, right?
Hugh Halter:So, Um, so I think the sooner we can let our kids know, hey, you know, that that little church there has really crappy music, but they have a really good heart for people in the city, so we're gonna go hang out there.
Hugh Halter:And they actually, they can't even afford a youth pastor, but it's okay.
Hugh Halter:So we're really loving on the poor.
Hugh Halter:So that would be a better thing for your children than you grabbing the local megachurch that has all the bells and whistles and the smoke machine.
Hugh Halter:On Wednesday night with 2000 kids, um, if it's always about us, they're never gonna pick up the story of Jesus.
Hugh Halter:So, yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, I hear that exact same thing too, brother and right behind it.
Caesar Kalinowski:If they go like, okay, I get it now.
Caesar Kalinowski:Well, I think we want some of that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Then the next questions that follow wrapped in fear are, yeah, but you know, we've got.
Caesar Kalinowski:We've got teenage girls.
Caesar Kalinowski:And how do you have people in your house like that?
Caesar Kalinowski:Like what?
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, what's, have you heard that one?
Caesar Kalinowski:Like all the time, man and I, and you know, the stories man, of like guns being shot off through our couch, stuff being stolen.
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, homeless people living with us, people living under the back.
Caesar Kalinowski:Porch.
Caesar Kalinowski:We didn't, I mean, all that stuff freaks people out and I understand it.
Caesar Kalinowski:, and yet it's part of the mission and, and God's greater, I don't know.
Caesar Kalinowski:Have you heard that one?
Caesar Kalinowski:? Hugh Halter: All the time.
Caesar Kalinowski:This is why we have a little chapter at the beginning of the book.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's, uh, really about the story of Abraham offering Isaac back up.
Caesar Kalinowski:Remember?
Caesar Kalinowski:So he has a son and the whole, you know, the whole Earth was gonna somehow come through his lineage and then God says, need you to give him back to me.
Caesar Kalinowski:So we have a little bit of a gut check early on in the book, like, well, are they your kids or are they his kids?
Caesar Kalinowski:And if they're his kids and he wants to use them and put them in places that maybe are gonna be dangerous, which he will, then are you gonna keep trying to protect them?
Caesar Kalinowski:You know, I, I shared a story in an, in a other book I can't remember, about McKenna jumping in at a party between her best friend and an abusive boyfriend.
Caesar Kalinowski:And it ended.
Caesar Kalinowski:D one hockey scholarship that she was getting.
Caesar Kalinowski:She got a concussion.
Caesar Kalinowski:He went after her cuz she attacked him.
Caesar Kalinowski:And, you know, and I was losing my mind after I heard what happened.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm looking for this kid to like, like kill him.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right?
Caesar Kalinowski:And McKenna would not tell me where he lived.
Caesar Kalinowski:She knew him really well and she said, dad, I'm just come home.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'm not gonna tell you.
Caesar Kalinowski:And she grabbed my hand as I'm pacing back and forth.
Caesar Kalinowski:Cheryl was trying to pack her neck with ice and we're trying to decide did we take her to the hospital and I was losing my mind, and she pulled me down on the bed.
Caesar Kalinowski:She said, dad, your whole life, you and mom taught us to be peacemakers.
Caesar Kalinowski:And she goes, you don't think that always works out, do you?
Caesar Kalinowski:And I just remember like being so proud of her, but also so broken that God had asked her to step in and be a peacemaker in that way.
Caesar Kalinowski:But again, you know, to me the hardest thing is to give your own trust of the Lord over your own life.
Caesar Kalinowski:Way harder.
Caesar Kalinowski:30 times harder is to trust your kids to or, and so I think the discipleship thing, it's not just how we Disciple our kids.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's are we disciples?
Caesar Kalinowski:Can we trust God?
Caesar Kalinowski:Literally with the physical life of our children.
Caesar Kalinowski:And at that point, you know, I was taught our girls, there's no unsafe place in the world.
Caesar Kalinowski:When you're with the Lord, he can take you anywhere, and if he's with you, you're as safe as you could ever be in the the gated suburbs of Denver, Colorado.
Caesar Kalinowski:If he wants you to head to that spot with those crazies and he's right beside you, you got nothing to worry about.
Caesar Kalinowski:So easier said than done, but that is the story of the Gospel.
Caesar Kalinowski:No kidding.
Caesar Kalinowski:And I think baseline under all of that brother, is, I don't think that we all believe that these are really his kids that we get to steward.
Caesar Kalinowski:They bear his image like, like we do.
Caesar Kalinowski:And sure, maybe they got your chin or nose or whatever.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hopefully they didn't get your nose too much.
Caesar Kalinowski:Your wife's a whole lot better looking than you are, but I don't think we really believe that those, those aren't our kids.
Caesar Kalinowski:We're stewarding them.
Caesar Kalinowski:What a, what a blessing to get to.
Caesar Kalinowski:And they're changing us.
Caesar Kalinowski:God's using them to change us probably more than we're changing them Now that I, you know, we both have grandkids.
Caesar Kalinowski:It's crazy.
Caesar Kalinowski:You realize, oh, a whole nother layer of selfish Caesar is being peeled off.
Hugh Halter:Yeah.
Hugh Halter:Never stops, honestly.
Hugh Halter:But I, you know, I, I said in that chapter, I said, if you can't get back to past this chapter, it doesn't do any good to read the rest of the story.
Hugh Halter:Well, if you can't really, you.
Hugh Halter:Want for your kids.
Hugh Halter:Not that just that they succeed and make enough money to be able to pay their own bills, but if you want them to be the type of people that wake up in the morning and go, Lord, you're the best thing I got going and I'll follow you no matter what you ask me to do, then why read the rest of the, the stuff?
Hugh Halter:Why even do any of the Christian stuff if that's, if we have like a stopping point for our own obedience or the obedience of our children?
Hugh Halter:You know, I I, I've told quite a few people that were going, well, gimme some of the tricks and trades of good parenting.
Hugh Halter:I'm like, this isn't a parenting book.
Hugh Halter:Yeah.
Hugh Halter:This was, uh, a book about wanting your children to get to the place in their faith with Jesus, that they would give their life for 'em if that was, you know, and hopefully it's never asked of them, but, um, I, I think that's that bigger story.
Hugh Halter:Our kids, like, I even talked to McKenna and Ali about the point of the book.
Hugh Halter:They're like, that's, yeah, that'll preach.
Hugh Halter:Cause that's , that's what it's about.
Caesar Kalinowski:Well, you said something else in the book that caught me.
Caesar Kalinowski:You said you don't have to be perfect to lead your family into mission.
Caesar Kalinowski:You just have to be honest and willing to set an example, however imperfect.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:What are some, you know, I like to be practical as we can, you know, with this, what are some ways, you know, it looks like, like what's it start looking like to be a family on mission together?
Hugh Halter:Now?
Hugh Halter:I tried to find like four or five little handholds.
Hugh Halter:I, I said, you know, have an open table.
Hugh Halter:, which everybody, you can tell what that means.
Hugh Halter:Like, yep.
Hugh Halter:Make meals the center of, of your mission with people so kids know they can bring friends over at any time.
Hugh Halter:So open table.
Hugh Halter:Open house, that's hospitality.
Hugh Halter:Letting people even stay live with you.
Hugh Halter:If you need to let the kids paint the room that was your office or your yoga room and you know, help them, you know, bring their friends over that need a place to stay.
Hugh Halter:Um, we talked about having an open Bible.
Hugh Halter:Uh, open book if, if you will, that we don't just share Bible passages.
Hugh Halter:We actually invite the kids, uh, to talk about it and ask questions about it.
Hugh Halter:So it's, it's like an open book test all the time.
Hugh Halter:So, um, we even talked about, um, open road, some little things that we thought, when we think about why do our kids end up a little bit more robust than the average kid, it's cuz we let 'em see the world.
Hugh Halter:We let 'em see poverty and we let 'em see pain and we let 'em get on airplanes and go to dangerous places.
Hugh Halter:And I, I think it really did change who they were.
Hugh Halter:So just little, little thoughts like that.
Hugh Halter:I think any family, if you had those three or four low open things, I think it would be a game changer.
Hugh Halter:Man.
Hugh Halter:Praise
Caesar Kalinowski:God.
Caesar Kalinowski:I can check all those boxes.
Caesar Kalinowski:. Hugh Halter: That's why the team K, it's just, it's natural for who you guys are.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah, that
Caesar Kalinowski:last one too is, is uh, it's a gift from God, but our kids too, were allowed to travel with us and on their own, and.
Caesar Kalinowski:All over the world and they have seen some nasty hard stuff.
Caesar Kalinowski:And on.
Caesar Kalinowski:Then on top of that, uh, our oldest, our son Caesar, was in the Marines for 10 years and saw that whole thing.
Caesar Kalinowski:Well, in war it's marked them.
Caesar Kalinowski:We, we can know it's the difference.
Caesar Kalinowski:Exposure.
Hugh Halter:Exposure beyond your bubble might be one of the, I mean, Jesus uses all the time, Hey boys, let's go across the lake to the capitalists.
Hugh Halter:That was like the no GOs.
Hugh Halter:Spanish Harlem.
Hugh Halter:You know, like that's where we're going today.
Hugh Halter:We ain't been there.
Hugh Halter:We just heard about it.
Hugh Halter:You know?
Hugh Halter:So I think we gotta let our kids get out of, especially out of the Christian bubble.
Hugh Halter:For sure out of
Caesar Kalinowski:that for sure, outta that bubble a hundred percent.
Caesar Kalinowski:Man, Hugh, I could keep going forever.
Caesar Kalinowski:Um, unfortunately we can't.
Caesar Kalinowski:But, um, we have a little feature here on the podcast that we do every episode called the Big three.
Caesar Kalinowski:And in the big three we try to say, Hey.
Caesar Kalinowski:You've probably enjoyed this.
Caesar Kalinowski:There's a lot of cool stories here.
Caesar Kalinowski:There's a lot of information to kind of process in your heart.
Caesar Kalinowski:What are the big three sort of takeaways, implications, if nothing else.
Caesar Kalinowski:And this episode, you're gonna actually tell us what the big three are.
Caesar Kalinowski:What a bonus, what a upgrade.
Caesar Kalinowski:Are you charging me extra for this, by the way?
Caesar Kalinowski:Bonus No.
Caesar Kalinowski:Three.
Caesar Kalinowski:Everything's free.
Caesar Kalinowski:All free.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay, so hold on.
Caesar Kalinowski:Let me a little set up for this.
Caesar Kalinowski:As always, if you want a copy of these big.
Caesar Kalinowski:, uh, I'll send you a printable PDF so you have it.
Caesar Kalinowski:If you wanna discuss this as a family or with your kids, or maybe even people in your community, Missional, Community, whatever you have there, just go to everyday Disciple dot com slash big three b i g three, and you can, uh, we'll send you that right away.
Caesar Kalinowski:Okay?
Caesar Kalinowski:So Hugh, what are the big three for this week?
Caesar Kalinowski:Number
Hugh Halter:one.
Hugh Halter:Number one, Caesar is this Sunday centric.
Hugh Halter:Pray before meal.
Hugh Halter:Don't do drug and don't make a baby outta wedlock.
Hugh Halter:The story we've been giving our kids is just simply not big enough anymore to hold their attention.
Hugh Halter:Mm-hmm.
Hugh Halter:And it doesn't even help us hold ours.
Hugh Halter:Okay.
Hugh Halter:Yeah.
Hugh Halter:So we've gotta have a bigger story that goes way beyond church attendance and daily devotions, uh, into an act of followership that we, we live out with our kids.
Hugh Halter:So that's number one.
Caesar Kalinowski:Beautiful.
Caesar Kalinowski:Alright.
Caesar Kalinowski:Wow.
Caesar Kalinowski:Number.
Hugh Halter:Well, number two is about not being the perfect family.
Hugh Halter:That, uh, when we think about what it means to be a righteous brood, that doesn't mean that you get to a certain level of moral superiority and your kids are just like awesome.
Hugh Halter:It means that it's assumed that our families are broken, all of us are broken.
Hugh Halter:So, uh, every single righteous brood is, it's assumed that God knows we're broken and then works his magic out of that.
Hugh Halter:Um, that's why we use the story of the Incredibles.
Hugh Halter:As the backdrop of this, you got mom and dad, Bob Parr and his wife and the crazy kids, but they got these little superpowers and, uh, but for sure they're not perfect.
Hugh Halter:And, uh, so don't wait for your, for you or anybody in your family to get their act together before you go on mission
Caesar Kalinowski:together.
Caesar Kalinowski:Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski:God's not looking for perfection, just willingness.
Caesar Kalinowski:Right.
Caesar Kalinowski:All
Hugh Halter:right, number three, I'm gonna give you a number three.
Hugh Halter:I'm gonna go a little bit off the grid here and I'm gonna just throw a new one at you.
Hugh Halter:I think the secret sauce is suffering.
Hugh Halter:Suffering together.
Hugh Halter:So we had our son's epilepsy all those years and that taught our family how to open up the front door cause we literally couldn't leave the house.
Hugh Halter:So it was dealing with Ryan's suffering even after he died a few years ago.
Hugh Halter:Um, taking on the suffering of other people.
Hugh Halter:So, you know, sometimes in your life you will have moments where you're suffering naturally, but the call of the Christian family is that we go find suffering in the world and we jump in and we put a shoulder under that.
Hugh Halter:And so I just feel like that's the secret sauce when.
Hugh Halter:When Altonians have seen now our son die, and they almost saw my daughter die.
Hugh Halter:And it was a big story here in the city.
Hugh Halter:People always come up to us and they just go, man, your family's amazing.
Hugh Halter:And what they're talking about is not anything amazing.
Hugh Halter:They're talking about our ability to go through stuff with a different perspective and a different focus.
Hugh Halter:So to me, um, I'd say that's the secret sauce, um, is dive into pain and let your kids dive into that with you.
Hugh Halter:And, uh, if you got pain yourself, just carry it together.
Hugh Halter:And, uh, you know, we always say, you know, you get dealt a certain hand of cards.
Hugh Halter:Some people get like three ACEs and two Kings.
Hugh Halter:Life's pretty easy, but most of us don't.
Hugh Halter:We get a two, a five, a seven, and uh, you know, nothing better than that.
Hugh Halter:We go, how do we play that?
Hugh Halter:That's what God loves to do.
Hugh Halter:So, um, don't lament a crappy hand that you've been
Caesar Kalinowski:given.
Caesar Kalinowski:Wow.
Caesar Kalinowski:Well, Hugh, that's an awful lot to think on and chew on, but it's so encouraging.
Caesar Kalinowski:I know that you are my favorite speaker because of that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Your ability to motivate.
Caesar Kalinowski:I wanna live as a better person and uh, and I want to love Jesus more because of that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Not cuz I have to or I should, but because I, we get to.
Caesar Kalinowski:Thanks for revving up my heart again with this stuff, brother.
Caesar Kalinowski:You're my favorite
Hugh Halter:listener.
Hugh Halter:Caesar.
Hugh Halter:. Tell Tina again I love her and your whole family and
Caesar Kalinowski:Oh, well, we, we will, man.
Caesar Kalinowski:I will, I will pass it on you to Cheryl and the kids.
Caesar Kalinowski:I can't, I we still gotta get there, man.
Caesar Kalinowski:Holy cow I can't believe.
Caesar Kalinowski:it's been all this time.
Caesar Kalinowski:We haven't been to Alton.
Caesar Kalinowski:This is it.
Caesar Kalinowski:This is gonna throw the switch and we're gonna get there.
Caesar Kalinowski:Alright, well let me, let me wrap this up.
Caesar Kalinowski:Thanks again for being on brother.
Caesar Kalinowski:So listen, your family, just like Hughes family and, and ours here at Team K, it's always under construction there.
Caesar Kalinowski:There's never a perfect time.
Caesar Kalinowski:To step out into God's mission, but it's kind of there is because it's always now, you know, just as when you were new parents, you're gonna learn a lot more on the job , uh, you know, in the preparation beforehand.
Caesar Kalinowski:So you gotta dive in, you gotta get out of the boat if you wanna get, as it's been said.
Caesar Kalinowski:So think about one thing you could do as a family.
Caesar Kalinowski:To step into this kind of a life together.
Caesar Kalinowski:Just one thing and, and you might get a little pushback at first, especially if you haven't been living this way, but it's a thrill ride.
Caesar Kalinowski:Make it that.
Caesar Kalinowski:Invite your kids to be a part of shaping those steps, and I think you'd be surprised at how much buy-in you'll get.
Caesar Kalinowski:Well, that's it for today.
Caesar Kalinowski:Time is up.
Caesar Kalinowski:Thanks for being with me.
Caesar Kalinowski:Thanks again to.
Caesar Kalinowski:I wanna let you know that if you want to get a copy of Righteous Brood, I'm gonna put the links in the show notes for this episode and also put the link in the big three.
Caesar Kalinowski:So if you get the big three download, go to everyday Disciple dot com slash big three.
Caesar Kalinowski:Then that link will be right there as well.
Caesar Kalinowski:Hope you'll join me next week.
Caesar Kalinowski:We're gonna continue to talk about the Gospel and mission as families, as communities, as the church, and how it fits into everyday lives, and how the Gospel speaks good news to all of them.
Caesar Kalinowski:I'll talk to you soon.
Announcer:Thanks for joining us today.
Announcer:For more information on this show and to get loads of free discipleship resources, visit everyday Disciple dot com and remember, you really can live with the spiritual freedom and relational peace that Jesus promised every day.
