Shownotes
Motivational Quote
Gossip in Business
A new definition for the word Gossip [3:47] Good gossip – an example in business [4:19]A Candle Flickering Moment – Facing Fear
Fear’s role [6:11] Shawne’s recent action to face her own fear [8:21] It’s just like a fart! [10:22]Business Building Insight – Addressing Anger
What about anger? [18:24] Challenges from being molested as a child [15:03] How to deal with anger in your business [20:22] A current situation and how Shawne manages her emotion [21:29]Project: Forgive
The impactful story behind Project: Forgive [11:55] The video that went viralContact Links
Website Facebook Twitter LinkedIn Project: ForgiveIf you found value in this podcast, make sure to subscribe and leave a review in Apple Podcasts or Google Podcasts. That helps us spread the word to more makers just like you. Thanks! Sue
Transcripts
Gift biz unwrapped episode 47.
Speaker:I think anchor is such a beautiful expression.
Speaker:We just never learned how to appropriately share it or deal
Speaker:with it.
Speaker:Hi, this is John Lee,
Speaker:Dumas of entrepreneur on fire,
Speaker:and you're listening to the gift of biz unwrapped,
Speaker:and now it's time to light it up.
Speaker:Welcome to gift biz,
Speaker:unwrapped your source for industry specific insights and advice to develop
Speaker:and grow your business.
Speaker:And now here's your host Sue Monheit.
Speaker:Hi there.
Speaker:I'm Sue and welcome to the gift biz unwrapped podcast.
Speaker:Whether you own a brick and mortar shop sell online or
Speaker:are just getting started,
Speaker:you'll discover a new insight to gain traction and to grow
Speaker:your business today.
Speaker:I am so honored to have Dr.
Speaker:Sean duper on spending time with us today from London to
Speaker:Athens, to Munich,
Speaker:to across North America,
Speaker:Dr. Sean duper on a six time Emmy award winner and
Speaker:nominated Nobel peace prize nominee is a good gossip researcher.
Speaker:She travels the globe,
Speaker:educating corporations,
Speaker:entrepreneurs, universities,
Speaker:and government agencies on what inspires people to share good things
Speaker:and how to powerfully lead with compassion.
Speaker:Her case study is project forgive a nonprofit leadership foundation that
Speaker:reaches millions in social media.
Speaker:You've seen her featured in major media,
Speaker:including CNN,
Speaker:ABC, Inc magazine and USA today.
Speaker:To name a few this PhD in gossip.
Speaker:And yes,
Speaker:I did say gossip used gossip theory to make project forgives
Speaker:five minute video,
Speaker:go viral,
Speaker:even capturing an endorsement from Archbishop Desmond Tutu.
Speaker:Welcome to the show,
Speaker:Shawn, over and above your intro.
Speaker:I'd like to learn a little bit more about you through
Speaker:our podcasts,
Speaker:traditional, albeit a little bit different approach.
Speaker:If you were to describe a motivational candle that portrays your
Speaker:personality and your passion,
Speaker:what would it look like?
Speaker:In other words,
Speaker:what color would you gravitate to?
Speaker:And what is your favorite quote?
Speaker:So the nomination for Nobel peace prize is new.
Speaker:So that's a learning how to step into that kind of
Speaker:energy. And it's a very beautiful thing.
Speaker:So before that last week,
Speaker:I would have definitely said pink because I love pink.
Speaker:The transitions that have happened even in the last week,
Speaker:I would say gold,
Speaker:gold, like this deep burnt kind of yellow gold would be
Speaker:my motivational color in a candle.
Speaker:And my favorite quote is mine.
Speaker:I know it sounds so self-serving and for me,
Speaker:forgiveness is the ultimate of everything in life.
Speaker:And my favorite quote is mine that I share a lot
Speaker:in project forgive and it's called accept the apology.
Speaker:You'll never receive,
Speaker:which to me is the epitome of maturity and leadership.
Speaker:Ooh, I think we're going to probably be getting into that
Speaker:as we continue on with our chat.
Speaker:So maybe we'll just let that sit right where it is
Speaker:for now.
Speaker:And we'll get back into that again,
Speaker:as we talk about project forgive,
Speaker:how does that sound?
Speaker:All right.
Speaker:So I have to tell you when we read all the
Speaker:information and we hear your intro,
Speaker:one word absolutely pops out and that is that word gossip,
Speaker:right? And gossip kind of,
Speaker:you think like,
Speaker:Oh, you know that person who is always the gossiper and
Speaker:all of that,
Speaker:and I know you have a real different approach and definition
Speaker:of what gossip really means.
Speaker:So can you That all with us,
Speaker:you know,
Speaker:when I was a master's student cause mass communication,
Speaker:I worked in media for a long time and worked in
Speaker:newsrooms. I had a professor say to me,
Speaker:Sean, have you ever considered the conversation of gossip?
Speaker:There's like a hundred researchers that are very delicately connected into
Speaker:this topic,
Speaker:and it's not what you think.
Speaker:So I went,
Speaker:did some research and I was so inspired by the topic
Speaker:that I actually chose it to be my expertise as a
Speaker:PhD student.
Speaker:And you're right.
Speaker:When you think gossip,
Speaker:you think mean and nasty,
Speaker:but that's not what the research shows at all that mean
Speaker:nasty stuff is only about five to 7% were actually really
Speaker:good people and good gossip or word of mouth is the
Speaker:best way to grow your business.
Speaker:Especially if you're just starting out,
Speaker:you know,
Speaker:in the gift wrapping or you're baking or grafting,
Speaker:whatever it is that you're doing,
Speaker:when people love what you're doing and they start talking about
Speaker:it in such a powerful,
Speaker:beautiful way,
Speaker:that's really how your business grows.
Speaker:So how has gossip different than referrals and getting word of
Speaker:mouth pass along information?
Speaker:I call it authenticity because in good gossip,
Speaker:people become raving fans.
Speaker:They get so excited by what you're doing.
Speaker:Like I do a bootcamp.
Speaker:I very rarely advertise it.
Speaker:If at all,
Speaker:I sell out every year because people that go,
Speaker:they have such a beautiful,
Speaker:authentic heart-centered experience.
Speaker:They see media so differently and their experience is so exquisite
Speaker:when they share it with somebody,
Speaker:they're not just saying,
Speaker:Oh, you want to learn about media,
Speaker:go to Sean's media mastery bootcamp.
Speaker:They say,
Speaker:no. They say,
Speaker:Oh my goodness,
Speaker:you got to go to bootcamp.
Speaker:Even if media is not on your purview,
Speaker:it's a class about fear.
Speaker:It's not what you expect at all.
Speaker:You will get so much comfort in your skin.
Speaker:That discomfort will go away.
Speaker:You'll be doing things you never thought you'd be doing all
Speaker:my gosh.
Speaker:That is a must take class.
Speaker:Now that good gossip right there with authenticity and passion and
Speaker:excitement, you build a tribe because it's authentic and it's loving
Speaker:and they cannot not share about you.
Speaker:That's very different to me than an actual referral.
Speaker:So when you're talking about authenticity,
Speaker:you're talking about heartfelt,
Speaker:wanting to really help somebody out and sharing information,
Speaker:whether it's a story or a resource or something like that,
Speaker:but truly from the heart,
Speaker:for the wellbeing of the recipient.
Speaker:Yeah. It's like,
Speaker:go see star Wars.
Speaker:Oh my gosh.
Speaker:I'm not even a star Wars fan.
Speaker:I loved it.
Speaker:Like I seen movie one and movie three,
Speaker:my grandkids love it.
Speaker:I am not a star Wars fan.
Speaker:And I saw it.
Speaker:And it's really impactful when I say,
Speaker:you know,
Speaker:and especially my girlfriends that aren't star Wars fans.
Speaker:I'm like,
Speaker:go see it.
Speaker:You're going to be so touched it's so well-written it's well
Speaker:done. I can see how the genres working that it's heartfelt
Speaker:would be one piece of it.
Speaker:It'd just be like straight talk.
Speaker:Now you're straight talking.
Speaker:Girlfriend friend says,
Speaker:Oh my gosh,
Speaker:you got to buy that laundry soap.
Speaker:Cause it actually does what it says.
Speaker:It's going to do.
Speaker:It gets rid of rust stains.
Speaker:And you believe your friend cause you love and trust them.
Speaker:Of course you do.
Speaker:You're absolutely right.
Speaker:And so how does that fear element play a role?
Speaker:Well, fear stops us from doing everything and it's usually unconscious.
Speaker:Like we sabotage ourselves,
Speaker:we get busy doing stuff that we think we're being productive,
Speaker:but we're not actually making sales calls a lot of times
Speaker:when I'm coaching,
Speaker:because I coach a lot on communication and marketing and social
Speaker:media media.
Speaker:And there's some,
Speaker:sometimes my clients are really struggling with cashflow.
Speaker:They're busy doing marketing,
Speaker:which is important.
Speaker:Don't get me wrong,
Speaker:but they stay away from the actual sales calls because they
Speaker:might fail.
Speaker:You're going to get the nos.
Speaker:You get lots of nos.
Speaker:For instance,
Speaker:if you're getting business right now and you have a couple
Speaker:of rating fans that love you,
Speaker:a sales call would be calling them up saying,
Speaker:Hey Jessica,
Speaker:I know you love what we did for your employees.
Speaker:Do you have a couple of people that you'd be comfortable
Speaker:introducing me to because you know that they need this kind
Speaker:of service.
Speaker:This makes such a difference for me.
Speaker:If you can share some really good things about what we're
Speaker:doing and would you be willing to do that?
Speaker:That takes fricking guts.
Speaker:That's different than putting a tweet out and try to get
Speaker:your social media going.
Speaker:Because so many of us,
Speaker:especially when we're starting our businesses,
Speaker:we're trying to do social media.
Speaker:We're trying to do cash flow.
Speaker:We're trying to figure out what CRM to buy.
Speaker:We're trying to figure out what podcasts to listen to you.
Speaker:We get overwhelmed.
Speaker:The bottom line comes to facing fear and courage because the
Speaker:bottom line is,
Speaker:if you don't have cashflow,
Speaker:you don't have a business.
Speaker:Absolutely. There's two things that I would reinforce here for our
Speaker:listeners. Number one is the fear you need to get over
Speaker:that fear because you're not going to be able to take
Speaker:action. You're just going to be stagnant and do like what
Speaker:Sean is just talking about.
Speaker:You'll just do things that are easy.
Speaker:They seem like they're taking a lot of time and you're
Speaker:doing something for your business,
Speaker:but you're really not moving your business forward.
Speaker:The other thing is asking people need to be directed on
Speaker:what to do next,
Speaker:as Sean's talking about in terms of testimonials or referring somebody,
Speaker:people are more than willing to do it.
Speaker:But most of the time,
Speaker:they're not going to offer it up.
Speaker:You have to ask for it first,
Speaker:I'm going to make a broad statement.
Speaker:I would guess that those of you listening,
Speaker:if you're a gift wrapping,
Speaker:if you're do crafts or if you're baking,
Speaker:you're a very creative soul.
Speaker:And a lot of times you're empathic or you feel a
Speaker:lot of things because you can feel what people like.
Speaker:So it does hurt your feelings when you get to know,
Speaker:and it's even scarier to take risks.
Speaker:And I just want to say that I am terrified a
Speaker:lot. I had to do something terrifying last week,
Speaker:based upon my goals,
Speaker:I have a client they're called Stardock.
Speaker:They're a video game company.
Speaker:They're deeply connected with Microsoft.
Speaker:Microsoft is on my vision board.
Speaker:I want to do global training for Microsoft and go in
Speaker:and do communication leadership,
Speaker:presentation skills,
Speaker:forgiveness as a business tool in that realm of communication and
Speaker:leadership. And it took some courage.
Speaker:And I said to Chris,
Speaker:he's my client.
Speaker:I says,
Speaker:crest, there's something you can do for me.
Speaker:And he said,
Speaker:what? I said,
Speaker:one of my dreams and it's on my vision board is
Speaker:to work with Microsoft.
Speaker:I want to be one of their that they love and
Speaker:adore and let me infiltrate their company to really cause productivity,
Speaker:excitement, and loyalty within their workforce.
Speaker:And I know you have a contact in the digital realm
Speaker:of Microsoft.
Speaker:I'm wondering if you'd feel comfortable to recommend me.
Speaker:His answer was,
Speaker:are you kidding me?
Speaker:Oh my gosh,
Speaker:send me the email you want send me the material.
Speaker:I know the person who's so awesome.
Speaker:He doesn't necessarily hire trainers,
Speaker:but he would know who to send you to.
Speaker:And if I recommend you,
Speaker:it's a done deal,
Speaker:something will happen.
Speaker:I don't know if you'll get a yes,
Speaker:but I know something will happen.
Speaker:I was scared to ask Chris to do that.
Speaker:I was scared and it's okay to be scared.
Speaker:People that do amazing things,
Speaker:especially creative.
Speaker:That's why I was so attracted to you.
Speaker:So is I know you attract really creative,
Speaker:loving kind people.
Speaker:This to me is the ultimate in a podcast being with
Speaker:loving, gracious,
Speaker:beautiful people.
Speaker:Oh, well thank you for that.
Speaker:I do have to say,
Speaker:I love the story that you just shared because it's somewhat
Speaker:comforting to hear someone like you still gets nervous and still
Speaker:has to reach beyond their comfort zone.
Speaker:I talk about this all the time.
Speaker:The magic happens outside your comfort zone,
Speaker:but the fear of stepping out of that zone,
Speaker:it's so nerve wracking and you just have to prepare as
Speaker:much as you can and then just do it and look
Speaker:what happened.
Speaker:How exciting is that for you?
Speaker:And then you have this relief like,
Speaker:Oh my gosh,
Speaker:I'm so glad I did that.
Speaker:Absolutely. And you know,
Speaker:the mantra for me is dancing and being comfortable with being
Speaker:uncomfortable, like actually becoming masterful at allowing yourself to be uncomfortable.
Speaker:And I call it farting.
Speaker:That's what it's like.
Speaker:If you can stand the smart,
Speaker:I know it's like politically incorrect or whatever,
Speaker:but I love this analogy because it works.
Speaker:You're at the mall or whatever someone's farts and you're walking.
Speaker:You're like,
Speaker:Oh gosh,
Speaker:you know,
Speaker:and after three seconds you walk through the fart and it's
Speaker:not that deep.
Speaker:And when you're making an ask or you're being really uncomfortable,
Speaker:it's like a fart.
Speaker:And of course some parts last longer than others.
Speaker:I get it.
Speaker:You know,
Speaker:you know,
Speaker:maybe doing that presentation to a corporation to get a larger
Speaker:account for me,
Speaker:it's media interviewing your four minutes on air and it's four
Speaker:minutes of farting is what I call it.
Speaker:It's like a fart to stop you from your dreams because
Speaker:all's, it is,
Speaker:is a far and getting really comfortable with the smelliness and
Speaker:the messiness of it.
Speaker:It's not that friggen deed.
Speaker:Do you remember that?
Speaker:You guys,
Speaker:when we're facing something that we are uncomfortable with,
Speaker:let's just remember Sean's words.
Speaker:It's just like a fart.
Speaker:It works Hearing this repeated.
Speaker:When I go out to trade shows and such just to
Speaker:wait and see,
Speaker:alright, you guys,
Speaker:so gossip,
Speaker:gossip is good for your business.
Speaker:You want it to be authentic.
Speaker:You want it to be exciting,
Speaker:just like you're talking to your girlfriend.
Speaker:That's how you want your clients to be talking about you.
Speaker:I want to move on Sean now into what I know
Speaker:is very passionate for you.
Speaker:And this is the whole project forgive to nonprofit.
Speaker:And I'd love for you to just,
Speaker:you know,
Speaker:start and tell our listeners what the base of it is.
Speaker:And if you're willing to share the story,
Speaker:because I think it really will let everyone understand how deeply
Speaker:passionate you are about this project.
Speaker:Absolutely. The story is,
Speaker:and we have the little video went viral.
Speaker:You can see it on our website.
Speaker:And our new website is about to launch.
Speaker:It's exciting.
Speaker:I did a little video of a friend of mine.
Speaker:His name is Gary,
Speaker:his wife and his two children were killed by a drunk
Speaker:driver. My children babysat those children.
Speaker:Judy was my husband's business coach.
Speaker:It was a horrible,
Speaker:horrible day.
Speaker:When we got the news that this family was killed.
Speaker:And Gary wasn't in the car at the time,
Speaker:then I get another call.
Speaker:Later that day,
Speaker:informing me that the man who killed them,
Speaker:his name is Tom is also another dear family friend.
Speaker:Every time I share this on whether it's a podcast or
Speaker:CNN or whatever,
Speaker:I get goose pimples because I knew in that moment,
Speaker:both these families were amazing.
Speaker:No, that,
Speaker:and that me being at the crux of that intersection of
Speaker:knowing both families and knowing about this conversation of forgiveness,
Speaker:knew that I had to do something.
Speaker:I never had any inkling to start a nonprofit,
Speaker:never had any desire for any of what's happened.
Speaker:We're reaching millions in social media.
Speaker:I'm talking about forgiveness.
Speaker:Although I do a lot,
Speaker:a lot of that in my marketing strategy business,
Speaker:because I'm all about taking a risk.
Speaker:And how quickly can you forgive yourself when you screw up?
Speaker:Because you know,
Speaker:in that farting realm,
Speaker:you're going to make a lot of fricking mistakes you just
Speaker:are. And the game is,
Speaker:can you grieve your losses?
Speaker:So you don't keep making the same mistakes.
Speaker:Cause I believe we keep making the same mistakes over and
Speaker:over until we get the lesson,
Speaker:right? So when it was,
Speaker:this video goes viral and it's,
Speaker:I don't even have words for,
Speaker:at this point,
Speaker:we've had Naomi Judd get involved,
Speaker:Archbishop Desmond choo to endorse us.
Speaker:Now we're actually making a movie start off as a five
Speaker:minute trailer.
Speaker:The movie is going to air this year.
Speaker:We're actually waiting for some legal stuff that's almost complete.
Speaker:And I'll be able to share more about the date.
Speaker:You can go on Facebook and get our updates and see
Speaker:what's going on there.
Speaker:The community there is so exquisite and we decided to start
Speaker:a leadership foundation because we're seeing that with all these corporations
Speaker:that I personally work with,
Speaker:conversations of compassion and forgiveness,
Speaker:integrity, diversity are missing incorporations.
Speaker:And it's the people that work at corporations that are actually
Speaker:are the corporation and they are explicitly yearning for these leadership
Speaker:trainings. So that's what we decided to do.
Speaker:And when the movie comes out,
Speaker:our goal right now is to make it free.
Speaker:I think we're going to be able to do it.
Speaker:That's why I'm not announcing and really make it break.
Speaker:If you're inspired to donate to us,
Speaker:you can,
Speaker:everybody in the organization are volunteers.
Speaker:And at some point I'm sure we'll be hiring an executive
Speaker:director to get it moving forward.
Speaker:Cause I'm so busy and all my good gossip stuff and
Speaker:love that conversation of forgiveness that I really appreciate you asking
Speaker:about it because it really is a beautiful,
Speaker:beautiful conversation.
Speaker:It certainly is.
Speaker:Can you talk a little bit more about this?
Speaker:Like where was the bridge of,
Speaker:alright, this horrible situation happened.
Speaker:You're here in the middle of all of this,
Speaker:which I'm sure very conflicting emotions.
Speaker:How did you make that leap or that decision or where
Speaker:was the light bulb that came on that said the world
Speaker:needs this.
Speaker:I'm going to make this into a nonprofit organization or just
Speaker:to do the video.
Speaker:Where was that transition?
Speaker:As soon as I found out that Tom was the one
Speaker:that killed Judy and Sammy and Alex,
Speaker:I knew this was going to be a video.
Speaker:I didn't know it was going to be,
Speaker:I thought maybe a documentary,
Speaker:most people that hang out with me or go through my
Speaker:transmitter, I'm very open about this.
Speaker:I'm an incest survivor.
Speaker:And I share that very openly.
Speaker:I'm a,
Speaker:at this point,
Speaker:man, I'm a 51 year old grandmother now and I've done
Speaker:a lot of work,
Speaker:a lot of tears,
Speaker:a lot of shifting around the conversation of being molested.
Speaker:And I'm even at the point that this is not endorsing
Speaker:molestation, believe me.
Speaker:And I'm at the point where I can say it's one
Speaker:of the best things that's ever happened to me being an
Speaker:exquisite, compassionate,
Speaker:loving person.
Speaker:And sometimes things happen to us.
Speaker:And I like to say things happen for us for our
Speaker:growth. And I wouldn't trade my past for nothing.
Speaker:What I wish molestation on anyone.
Speaker:No, of course not.
Speaker:And what happened to me is what happened to me.
Speaker:It's my job to embrace it,
Speaker:grieve it,
Speaker:be angry about it,
Speaker:except it find solutions and actually become the most exquisite person
Speaker:I can become.
Speaker:So when I did find out that it was Tom that
Speaker:killed them and I know Gary so deeply,
Speaker:I knew this man was going on a horrendous journey and
Speaker:I knew he would forgive Tom.
Speaker:I knew he would.
Speaker:I know Gary.
Speaker:So indelibly that's exactly what happened and knew that was inevitable
Speaker:for who these families are.
Speaker:Both families are just amazing,
Speaker:beautiful souls who like are in that philosophy.
Speaker:Although I don't know if they use the words,
Speaker:Oh, it didn't happen to me.
Speaker:It happened for me there in that philosophy because you have,
Speaker:when you meet people,
Speaker:you can tell when people get mad and blame others and
Speaker:stay in that very bitter angry place,
Speaker:there's a genre people that stay there.
Speaker:And then there's those that are growing and loving and evolving
Speaker:that look for the lessons and all the things that happen
Speaker:for us.
Speaker:And when I heard it was Tom,
Speaker:I knew something big was about to happen here.
Speaker:It was an evolution to create the foundation.
Speaker:And that happened over a series of time.
Speaker:As soon as we started reaching millions in social media,
Speaker:I mean,
Speaker:we didn't reach millions right away,
Speaker:but the social media growth happened quite quickly using gossip.
Speaker:There is able to do that.
Speaker:That's why I teach a lot of social media how to
Speaker:do it.
Speaker:So it was inevitable.
Speaker:Wow. Two powerful stories for sure.
Speaker:And I know that there are a lot of people out
Speaker:there who are hurting just like that.
Speaker:And you don't necessarily know when you meet people,
Speaker:you don't know what their backgrounds are or what they've been
Speaker:challenged with.
Speaker:And I totally agree with you,
Speaker:Sean. I mean,
Speaker:there's people who will just use that as the excuse.
Speaker:And I don't mean to say it not genuinely or,
Speaker:or with passion or anything.
Speaker:Cause I know they're hurting,
Speaker:but that'll be the excuse not to move forward.
Speaker:And then there are other people who will take it and
Speaker:they'll have to deal with it.
Speaker:And does it make it right?
Speaker:No, for sure not,
Speaker:but you still have a whole life to live,
Speaker:you know?
Speaker:And are you just going to let that then affect the
Speaker:rest of your time here on earth?
Speaker:Hopefully not.
Speaker:Is that the type of thing that project forgive gets into?
Speaker:Well, you know,
Speaker:it's so funny because there's so many forgiveness organizations in the
Speaker:world, there's some beautiful ones,
Speaker:project forgiveness out of the UK.
Speaker:They look at restorative justice and like atrocities like genocide and
Speaker:people forgiving people for murdering their families.
Speaker:There are many organizations what project forgive focuses on is we
Speaker:focus on you and your own personal journey because if you're
Speaker:in a lot of pain and you lost your job and
Speaker:you got breast cancer,
Speaker:it's really hard to care about what's going on in Syria.
Speaker:Okay. Right.
Speaker:It is.
Speaker:It's really difficult.
Speaker:So we focus on that personal professional development growth of you
Speaker:internally. So you can face your stuff and move forward and
Speaker:say, because even part of the forgiveness process is being able
Speaker:to speak your truth.
Speaker:You know,
Speaker:like if you're mad or you know,
Speaker:there's so many issues around anger,
Speaker:that's one of the biggest things we discovered while we're filming
Speaker:project. We interviewed these little kids,
Speaker:you'll see it,
Speaker:the viral video.
Speaker:And we asked them,
Speaker:you know,
Speaker:what is forgiveness?
Speaker:And they're so cute.
Speaker:It's like when you see a bunch of stories or when
Speaker:you don't hate anyone,
Speaker:it's so cute.
Speaker:And then we also asked him,
Speaker:what about anger?
Speaker:These are all four year olds.
Speaker:Every single one of them,
Speaker:there were 24 of them that said anger was bad.
Speaker:And I thought,
Speaker:dang is that interesting?
Speaker:Because the stages of forgiveness include shock,
Speaker:anger, grief,
Speaker:solution, and peace.
Speaker:And people get stuck in anger because they don't feel it.
Speaker:And we usually equate anger with violence.
Speaker:You know,
Speaker:mothers against drunk drivers.
Speaker:They got good and mad for a long time.
Speaker:Look what they caused.
Speaker:Anger is a very good,
Speaker:powerful emotion.
Speaker:It can be misused,
Speaker:don't get me wrong.
Speaker:We need a lot of education around what anger means,
Speaker:because if you're angry,
Speaker:you're not feeling it or expressing it.
Speaker:That's when you eat six Reese's peanut butter cups instead of
Speaker:sharing what you're upset about.
Speaker:Or that's when you work 20 hours a day,
Speaker:because you're so committed to proving yourself.
Speaker:I'm sure there's many people listening that work way too many
Speaker:hours. It's a worthiness issue.
Speaker:And a lot of times what I'm noticing doing this documentary
Speaker:is it's because we haven't faced and embraced and accepted our
Speaker:anger. I think anger is such a beautiful expression of,
Speaker:we just never learned how to appropriately share it or deal
Speaker:with it.
Speaker:Those are some words for thought,
Speaker:honestly. And I know for sure,
Speaker:because I know a lot of our listeners because a lot
Speaker:of them are customers of,
Speaker:of my business.
Speaker:And I know that what you're saying is true.
Speaker:Absolutely. And we're talking here about more deep rooted anger.
Speaker:What do you think about now?
Speaker:You know,
Speaker:many of the people listening are business people and they've had
Speaker:issues where I think they've become angry in their business.
Speaker:Not as deep as the issues now you're talking about,
Speaker:but let's say an employee stole from them or a customer
Speaker:bashed them on social media or things like that.
Speaker:That produced a lot of anger.
Speaker:Are there any suggestions about how to deal with that type
Speaker:of a situation?
Speaker:This is a perfect segue.
Speaker:So cause it's going to take us back to the quote
Speaker:that we started with at the top of the show,
Speaker:accepting the apology.
Speaker:I'll never receive one of the activities that we do in
Speaker:a lot of our leadership trainings is this notion of accepting
Speaker:the apology you'll never receive.
Speaker:So that employee that stole from you,
Speaker:chances are pretty good.
Speaker:They're not going to say,
Speaker:Oh, I am so sorry.
Speaker:I stole from you.
Speaker:I'm I know I betrayed your trust and I'm going to
Speaker:give you that a hundred thousand dollars back.
Speaker:I'm going to do whatever it takes to make it up
Speaker:to you.
Speaker:And I'm so sorry,
Speaker:did that,
Speaker:or the person who bashes you on social media.
Speaker:Oh Sue.
Speaker:I'm so sorry that I bashed you and said you were
Speaker:the B word and social media.
Speaker:I really didn't meet it.
Speaker:I was having such a horrible day.
Speaker:You know how you do stupid stuff.
Speaker:Sometimes I'm going to go back and retract it and fix
Speaker:it and blah,
Speaker:blah, blah,
Speaker:blah, blah.
Speaker:The odds of those happening are smaller.
Speaker:And so the practice for you,
Speaker:cause this is about you.
Speaker:Forgiveness is about you getting through anger is about you.
Speaker:I actually go in my mind's eye when I'm offended.
Speaker:And I actually pretend that they apologize to me.
Speaker:So what I can do is go through the process of
Speaker:accepting the apology you never receive.
Speaker:Can I give you an example of my neighbor?
Speaker:Absolutely. Yeah.
Speaker:So I hear this neighbor and I'm still talking Because I'm,
Speaker:haven't mastered.
Speaker:I'm going to call him Bob it's okay.
Speaker:Go out to the mailbox.
Speaker:This is right next door to me.
Speaker:I'll go out to the mailbox and he'll go And I'll
Speaker:look at them.
Speaker:I can already feel my eyes rolling in the skin,
Speaker:my skin crawling,
Speaker:going up my legs.
Speaker:And I'll say,
Speaker:I know about,
Speaker:but it's not morning.
Speaker:It's 6:00 PM.
Speaker:You know?
Speaker:Cause it's at night and he's telling me good morning,
Speaker:You know,
Speaker:say, I know,
Speaker:but you look like you just got up.
Speaker:He does not say that.
Speaker:And that's just one example of a couple million.
Speaker:Oh my gosh.
Speaker:Needless to say,
Speaker:he's one of those people Because I see him.
Speaker:I'm just already,
Speaker:Oh, shoot me in the fricking head.
Speaker:Okay. So,
Speaker:but the thing is in this game of what are you
Speaker:broadcasting? Cause that's my mantra in business.
Speaker:What are you broadcasting?
Speaker:What's a signal you give off.
Speaker:Whether you're posting on social media,
Speaker:whether you're meeting with a client,
Speaker:whether you're creating marketing materials,
Speaker:what's that signal you're giving off.
Speaker:And even though it's just Bob,
Speaker:this guy,
Speaker:his, what he gets from me is that I'm an angry,
Speaker:annoyed woman.
Speaker:That's pretty much how I respond with them.
Speaker:And that doesn't sit well with me because I'm pretty fun,
Speaker:loving. I'm pretty straight.
Speaker:I've got a really snarky sense of humor.
Speaker:I'm really nice.
Speaker:And I'm very soft-spoken sometimes.
Speaker:And I'm very emotional,
Speaker:angry person is,
Speaker:is not how most people would describe me.
Speaker:But with,
Speaker:with Bob,
Speaker:I can see how he would see that.
Speaker:So I'm like,
Speaker:okay, what can I do so I can shift me.
Speaker:So I am not this raving be with him.
Speaker:You know,
Speaker:that's where accept the apology.
Speaker:You'll never receive.
Speaker:Came from.
Speaker:I started practicing.
Speaker:This has been going on for two years now.
Speaker:Okay. I started practicing when I saw him that in my
Speaker:mind's eye that he was apologizing and he was saying,
Speaker:Sean, I am so socially awkward.
Speaker:You've got to know by now.
Speaker:This is like,
Speaker:if he could apologize,
Speaker:this is what been saying.
Speaker:You got to know by now that I grew up in
Speaker:a very dysfunctional family system,
Speaker:it wasn't neglected deeply.
Speaker:And I'm so awkward.
Speaker:Not only with you with the entire neighborhood,
Speaker:I'm ostracized by the neighborhood.
Speaker:And the truth is I really just want people to love
Speaker:me and I don't know how to do that.
Speaker:And so I see these weird,
Speaker:awkward come out of my mouth.
Speaker:As soon as I Sam,
Speaker:I feel so stupid.
Speaker:And then I wonder why people don't want to connect with
Speaker:me. And all the truth is I just want to connect
Speaker:with you.
Speaker:Now. You notice when I say this apology,
Speaker:because I've done this a lot.
Speaker:So I soften,
Speaker:I shift,
Speaker:I am no longer that angry,
Speaker:mean judgemental,
Speaker:annoyed woman with him.
Speaker:I've shifted who I'm being and there's differences have been made.
Speaker:Is it perfect with them?
Speaker:No. Cause I'm never going to change them where I have
Speaker:power is changing me and shifting me on a dime.
Speaker:That's where I want my power.
Speaker:That's why I think forgiveness is a skill and why I
Speaker:think mother Teresa called it as an act of way of
Speaker:being. I want to be that notion of forgiving person and
Speaker:people get weird with that.
Speaker:They think,
Speaker:Oh, you're going to be a doormat.
Speaker:No, that's just bull crap.
Speaker:No, it's not about being a doormat.
Speaker:It's about being powerful leadership,
Speaker:compassion in your own suiting,
Speaker:who you want to be in the world and not only
Speaker:who you want to be,
Speaker:you're actually being it.
Speaker:And that's the advice I would give to folks.
Speaker:Who've had some really hard things happen.
Speaker:It's a good place to start.
Speaker:Of course I would tell you to go to project forgiven
Speaker:Facebook because we're given all kinds of videos and tips all
Speaker:the time and how,
Speaker:just how to get through life's crap sometimes.
Speaker:But it's a great reminder and it's a great reminder in
Speaker:skillset and a tool to help you in those hard moments
Speaker:when you just want to kill people.
Speaker:Yeah. Honestly,
Speaker:I love your statement.
Speaker:Forgiveness is about you and you know,
Speaker:sharing that story about visualization.
Speaker:I mean,
Speaker:I'm starting to feel sorry for your neighbor,
Speaker:just by the story that you're telling yourself.
Speaker:I agree with you.
Speaker:The only actions that we can really change are our own
Speaker:actions. And at the end of the day,
Speaker:when you go home,
Speaker:you want to be proud of everything that you've done in
Speaker:the way you've presented yourself to the world,
Speaker:regardless of how people are responding to you or what they're
Speaker:doing to you.
Speaker:So this is a wonderful example of a way to do
Speaker:that. Whether the story is true or not,
Speaker:who knows,
Speaker:but you never know what other stuff people are dealing with.
Speaker:You know,
Speaker:who are we to judge someone,
Speaker:what someone else is doing?
Speaker:It gives me peace and has me calm down and be
Speaker:my loving,
Speaker:confident, powerful leadership.
Speaker:And then you feel better about yourself because I'm sure if
Speaker:you were acting snarky,
Speaker:you wouldn't be real happy with yourself either when you walk
Speaker:back in the house,
Speaker:Nope. That doesn't work either that or just don't ever go
Speaker:get your mail anymore.
Speaker:Well, listen,
Speaker:Ms. Shawn has mentioned the Facebook page.
Speaker:She's mentioning the documentary.
Speaker:That's going to be coming out.
Speaker:I know we can't get any more information on that right
Speaker:now, but when it is available,
Speaker:you guys are going to drop everything into the show notes.
Speaker:So you'll have all the links to project,
Speaker:forgive Facebook pages,
Speaker:all these different things,
Speaker:where you can learn more about what Sean is up to.
Speaker:And I encourage you guys to go and take a look.
Speaker:You'll find a wealth of information there.
Speaker:In preparation for this interview,
Speaker:went through a lot of the other interviews.
Speaker:She's done looked at some of the things that she's putting
Speaker:out. Some of them are free.
Speaker:There's a really,
Speaker:really good download that you guys can get about how to
Speaker:look right in an interview when you're being actually videoed.
Speaker:So great one for you guys to go grab.
Speaker:I'll have all those links over on the show notes page
Speaker:for you.
Speaker:All right,
Speaker:John, we are ending up now with my favorite part of
Speaker:the interview.
Speaker:You've shared so,
Speaker:so much great information.
Speaker:This one is for you.
Speaker:I'd like to present you with a virtual gift.
Speaker:It's a magical box containing unlimited possibilities for your future.
Speaker:This is your dream or your goal of almost unreachable Heights
Speaker:that you would wish to obtain.
Speaker:Please accept this gift and open it in our presence.
Speaker:What is inside your virtual box?
Speaker:You know what it's a word and the word that you
Speaker:even used in what you were saying.
Speaker:Cause my word for this year is unlimited and slash limitless.
Speaker:And what I've discovered is that at this phase of my
Speaker:life, I can't even focus on what I want because it's
Speaker:not even,
Speaker:it doesn't even touch what can actually happen.
Speaker:So I'm playing the game of limitless and it touches my
Speaker:heart to say it because I'm so open to whatever the
Speaker:universe, God,
Speaker:Allah, Buddha,
Speaker:goddesses, native Americans,
Speaker:whatever they have to share with me because I'm in dream
Speaker:come true mode.
Speaker:And I don't sometimes I don't even think it can get
Speaker:even better than what it is.
Speaker:And I want to say pinch me.
Speaker:So the word limitless is my word.
Speaker:And that is the gift you're giving me today.
Speaker:Well, limitless that's fabulous gift biz listeners.
Speaker:I know that you will join me in wishing Shawn,
Speaker:all the success with the Nobel peace prize nomination.
Speaker:And we'll all be watching out for that.
Speaker:And again,
Speaker:I appreciate all the information that you've shared.
Speaker:You've given us a couple of different ways to look at
Speaker:our businesses and to interact with people.
Speaker:Then I don't think we've shared on the podcast before.
Speaker:So that's really,
Speaker:really helpful to us.
Speaker:Thank you for your time today.
Speaker:I really enjoyed our chat and Sean,
Speaker:may your candle always burned bright.
Speaker:Thank you so much.
Speaker:Learn how to work smarter while developing and growing your business.
Speaker:Download our guide called 25 free tools to enhance your business
Speaker:in life.
Speaker:It's our gift to you and available@giftbizonrap.com
Speaker:slash tools.
Speaker:Thanks for listening and be sure to join us for the
Speaker:next episode.
Speaker:Today's show is sponsored by the ribbon print company,
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Speaker:for more information.
Speaker:Would you like to be on the show or do you
Speaker:know someone who can provide valuable insight from their experiences?
Speaker:If so,
Speaker:we'd love to hear from you.
Speaker:All you need to do is submit a form for consideration.
Speaker:You can access the form@bizunwrapped.com
Speaker:forward slash yes,
Speaker:that's a gift biz on wrapped.com
