If you’d like to know how to deepen your relationship with your spouse or partner, this is a must-listen episode. Husband-and-wife team Kai Jordan and Gabriella Artini share with host Meredith Bell the story of how they found each other and have created an intimate, beautiful relationship that has expanded them individually and as a couple. And now they’re dedicated to showing other couples how they can create this type of Devotional Love.
You’re sure to be moved by the raw honesty as they talk about the challenges they faced in the early days of their journey together. Their words will inspire you to reflect on who you are being and what you’re creating in your most intimate relationship. You will emerge from this conversation with greater awareness about who you are and the possibilities that are available to you.
About the Guest:
Kai Jordan is a holistic healer, transformative coach and relationship mentor. He has conducted over 7000 one-to-one healing and coaching sessions using techniques such as bodytalk, breathwork, energy work, bodywork, sound healing, ontological coaching and 3 principles coaching to bring about emotional, mental and physical healing and transformation for his clients and their relationships.
Gabriella Artini graduated from the University of Bologna, Italy with degrees in literature and philosophy with specialization in D.a.m.s. Cinema (Disciplines of art music and show business). She then began her career as an actress where she experienced the integration of expression using her whole body. She went on to study multiple embodiment practices in intimacy and sexuality. She puts it all together to mentor couples in reconnecting emotionally, mentally and physically, first to themselves and then to each other.
About the Host:
Meredith Bell is the Co-founder and President of Grow Strong Leaders. Her company publishes software tools and books that help people build strong relationships at work and at home.
Meredith is an expert in leader and team communications, the author of three books, and the host of the Grow Strong Leaders Podcast. She co-authored her latest books, Connect with Your Team: Mastering the Top 10 Communication Skills, and Peer Coaching Made Simple, with her business partner, Dr. Dennis Coates. In them, Meredith and Denny provide how-to guides for improving communication skills and serving as a peer coach to someone else.
Meredith is also The Heart-centered Connector. One of her favorite ways of BEING in the world is to introduce people who can benefit from knowing each other.
The Ultimate Coach Resources
Thanks for listening!
Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it using the social media buttons on this page.
Do you have some feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a comment in the section below!
Subscribe to the podcast
If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts or Stitcher. You can also subscribe in your favorite podcast app.
Leave us an Apple Podcasts review
Ratings and reviews from our listeners are extremely valuable to us and greatly appreciated. They help our podcast rank higher on Apple Podcasts, which exposes our show to more awesome listeners like you. If you have a minute, please leave an honest review on Apple Podcasts.
TUCP Intro/Outro: Welcome to The Ultimate Coach podcast conversations from being inspired by the book, The Ultimate Coach, written by Amy Hardison, and Alan Thompson. Join us each week with the intention of expanding your state of being, and your experience will be remarkable. Remember, this is a podcast about be. It is a podcast about you. To explore more deeply, visit the ultimate Coach book.com. Now, enjoy today's conversation from being.Meredith Bell:
Welcome back to the ultimate coach Podcast. I'm one of your hosts, Meredith bell. And I am so delighted today to be able to welcome to my show here. Two guests, not just one, Kai Jordan and Gabriella Artini. Welcome to the show.Gabriella Artini:
Thank you so much, Meredith. And then you can answer.Meredith Bell:
I love that you spoke in unison, the same things because it's, I think, representative of some of the conversation that we're going to be having today. I'm just so honored and pleased to have you with us to have this important conversation around being with a focus on couples. Before we jump into that, though, pie, I know you have the longest history with Steve and this being community. So I would love to have you share because it's such an interesting story. How you met Steve, and then also what kind of miracles happened soon after that.Kai Jordan:
So I I met Steve in 2018 January 2018 at Steve Chandler's ACS school, he showed up at the third weekend, the final weekend. And what was present for me at that time was in August of 2017, I met Gabriella and we had both come out of a relationship and we weren't looking for partnership at the time. But we met and there was bond and this connection that we could not ignore, it was so palpable, even just looking at each other. Before we said anything, there was this palpable energy and connection and attraction to one another. We were drawn to one another. And we met in Sierra Nevada, Spain. She was living in Bali at the time, I was living in Canada. And yeah, we spent three weeks at a retreat there together, and just completely fell out or one another and fell into this into our own world. You know, we had the opportunity to really connect and become very, very close very quickly. So when I had to go back to Canada, and she had to go back to Bali, there was a complication, we weren't sure how this was gonna work. She was literally living across the world. I had my family in Canada, and I had my life there. And I had my business there and I I really wanted to go to Bali, but I didn't know how that was gonna happen. And I ended up going to visit in October, November of 2017. And I met our kids and we bonded all together and I felt this. This is scary, because I haven't lived outside of that my country. But this is what I want. And in my heart there was just a very clear knowing this is what I really want. I want to be with Gabriella and I want to build a life with her. And when I came back in November, I flew into LA while I was flying through to come back to Canada. At that point, Cabrillo mentioned to me that she had something unexpected. That happened and I said oh, but what is that? And she told me she was pregnant. And that was it was actually in my heart. It was one of the most beautiful moments. I Artemi always wanted to be a dad. And then another part was scared. But this connection that we had was so pure and beautiful. That I was so excited and I was also really afraid. I was afraid because I was across the world and it's Whether I'm gonna move back in March, but I have to get certain things taken care of, I have to close up my business, I have to say goodbye to my family and my friends, I have to take care of some things, I had to sell all my stuff. And I knew that was gonna be very difficult. And in January, I had the ACS, I came back for the ACS. So I knew I couldn't go back there, I had to do certain things. And at that time, I was in a little bit of a financial situation where I had some debt that I had to clear off. And I was really trying to figure out, how am I going to make it out there in Bali? And I even work? What's, how do I do that? You know, at the time I was doing, I was in the middle of coaching and kind of energy work, healing work. And so I had an established practice back in Canada in person, and I had nothing out in Bali. And so there was all of these situations like, these obstacles, these challenges, this difficulty, this separation, you know, being we weren't able to be close to each other physically. And then we were just in a very infantile stage in our relationship to so there were many challenges and difficulties. And I felt really happy and overwhelmed with many different emotions. So coming into January, the ACS, I had a intention. And I was racking my brain one day, I was like, how am I gonna do this? How is this going to happen? Like, I'm gonna have to great like, $60,000, just to clear off the debt and have enough money to go out there and make sure that I'm, you know, that I have the means to able to live for some months before I can figure out work and then and then what, you know, what am I going to do? And at that time, I was charging around 6000 for six months. So to think about doing 60k, in a couple of months, who was like a big jump, it was really outside of my realm of possibility. I was like, I have to, I have to 10x what I'm doing. And I kept thinking, okay, I can sign five clients and do this many workshops. I was kind of putting in my current reality. I was trying to piece together, what would work as a solution. And every time I did that, I was like, There's no way. There's no way there's not enough time. There's no way it's impossible. I'm not going to make it. And I remember I was sitting one day in meditation, and I had this, like, literally a thought just descend into my awareness, and it was create 160 1000 Our clients focus on one. Don't focus on 10 6000 Our clients or 23,000, okay, just do one. And that was a preposterous idea was completely absurd. I resisted it. When it came in. I was like, Okay, maybe that could be possible, but not It's not realistic. Okay. What do I have to do? I went back to my, my thinking of what I knew. And that was a battle that was going on inside of me for weeks before I entered into the ACS the last weekend, there. On the second day, Steve, coached me in front of the room, Steve Chandler, for about an hour and a half. And he helped me see the possibility. And Steve Hardison the next day when he came in, he just said, a couple of things. He kept saying, I create miracles every day. I create miracles every day and the way he was showing up. And the way he was being I knew that that was possible. I could feel it when he said it. But it's not something that he's just saying I could show that's his reality. He said, I saw two miracles this morning. And he went on to tell us about the miracles that he saw, he kept creating this possibility in his being. And I remember feeling. Not only is this possible, but there's someone here I'm in the presence of someone who is doing that. And both him and Amy were there. And that was another thing that was deeply impactful is how he was with Avi, how he showed up and how he acknowledged her and how she was and how she sat. So poised and so collected, and she was this very still anchor, and he was this incredible energy. And that was they were both emanating their different qualities, their unique qualities. And I left that weekend feeling the possibility and I actually had a conversation so aligned for a week later with a potential client. I had that conversation in Phoenix. He came he flew out from Colorado and I read him and two hours before I sat down for that conversation, I get a message from Gabrielle and she said, bye. Are you busy? I said, Yeah, I have this conversation pretty soon said, I need to tell you something. So okay, what's what's going on? She said, I had just had a miscarriage. They'd be Scotland,Kai Jordan:
And I just we'd be black. So shocked by the news had so much possibility for being able to create the means to go pee out with my family. This is a really shocking revelation. And I sat there for about an hour just blank. And then I had this conversation and and within an hour he had agreed to 100,000 our agreement.Kai Jordan:
It was such a perplexing amount of that is such a confusing Long Island. The very thing that I had dedicated the last month to creating it was not there anymore. So I ended up staying in Canada for two more months, I had the means to move out, I still had to figure some things out. And I ended up having a be with session with Steve in March of 2018. And amongst the things we worked on, one of the things that I told him about was this experience. At in the middle of me telling him about this, he left the room, I'd expect it to be as deep after you're in the middle of something, wait, let me get on the phone, calls someone over and he leaves the room. So he left the room. And he comes back with his granddaughter with fled with his granddaughter, oh, who happened to be in the home and I was in the pain. I still hadn't processed coming to terms with the loss. As soon as he came in, I saw this beautiful baby. And I knew I wanted the child that Gabriel I knew that I wanted to move through this and I wanted to you know have a child with her. And I told him that that was one of the miracles we wanted to work on. And in there. I took a video of him and I I shot this video on my phone. And then I sent it to Gabrielle and all that Gabriella, maybe tell what that video was for her, Adam. And this is where this all comes together.Gabriella Artini:
Not I didn't know what C was. So I received this message from this video message from Steve with his bright blue eyes use pure Sam Lysol saying hey, Gabriella. I've been sitting here with Kyle and he is one of the most appreciative humans I've ever met. And I feel so good with them. And I can't wait to see you soon away remember is that he said in 2020 He said he didn't say that. Anyway, in I am the video somewhere. But I can't wait to meet you in person with Kyle and a baby. How because that's what you said you wanted to create with me. One of the things that you wanted to create with me and so that was that was huge. That was big. I was in the process of miscarriage and the time like when I call them I just been on the doctor and he said there's no growth there's no heartbeat, so you're going to miscarriage and I decided to do it naturally. So it took three weeks. So that's when I received this message in this long process that I was waiting for. Yeah, that we didn't know if we couldn't share that we could share this event in very private you know, intimate event but for him was important to share it because it changed things for him. So yeah, that was the first time I met with Steve and and then we met in person justKai Jordan:
Fumes later that year, it was in a matter of after November of 2018, we brought Gabriella Canada. And then we went to Phoenix,Gabriella Artini:
We went to family in Canada, then we arrived in Phoenix and we spend the night with Steven Amy. The first thing I notice about Steve, when I met him in front of his house, while was the flag, of course, the Canadian flag you had for guy, maybe also the Italian, I'm not sure I'm not no remember, but that he's very tall. And we've met. And I remember, I had to be on the tip of my toes to hug him, because you saw. And I, of course, it was it was a great hug. And now we spend a few hours together, we went out for dinner, and we had a conversation that started there and any was a full transmission and II was fully in service to us. And I got a lot out of it. And I was just listening for for some time. And I was looking at the time for examples of long term couples healthy in a healthy relationship in a healthy loving relationship. Because me and Kai met in a training on conscious relating and conscious sexuality. And our desire was to work with couples to work on the fields of relationship. And so I was looking since I was a child, but in that particular phase of my life, for example, that could hold space for me and Kyle to grow as a. And I found them, I found Steve and I found Amy. And I want to say that for me, Amy was also very important. Because I felt here motherly, sweet, welcoming, warm, heart and presence that I was, I was great that from from my mother and I had I didn't have it. And so that that being in her presence was nourishing for me very nourishing. And I can't tell you how. And I don't think she knows. But for me meeting her was, was great. And, and then there was Steve and Steve was talking a lot about me and about what he was creating in the moment of their relationship. And so I was listening with all of my being and I was my ears, my eyes, my mouth, my heart might mind my cellular level, all the fibers of my being were open to receive that transmission. I wanted to learn everything they they need you about life and about relationships and about family and about being a parent. And so they have been holding that space for us for me particular since that day. So that's what they are for me, Steven Amy. They are a light I can rely on when I'm in a dark place inside of me. And I need some someone that can be to look up to and to be inspired from theMeredith Bell:
Thinking to remind you of who you are dated because you are loved just as they are.Gabriella Artini:
Yeah. Yeah, that's that's better said. Absolutely. Yeah. Thank you.Meredith Bell:
It's beautiful from both of you. They I can I can feel it. I can feel your heart, I can feel what you experienced because of the way you both described it in such beautiful ways. And it, I think there's so many insights to draw from what you have just shared in terms of the human experience, that we all are going to face these challenges these obstacles and it's looking at who do you need to be what can you create And what you saw in Steve KY when he was in that room, and what you saw as the possibility there. And I think with you, Gabriella, when you met Amy, in particular, what you saw as the possibility there to this, both of you felt something at a very deep level as you each expressed. And so thinking about what you experienced then and what you are dedicating yourselves to now, in terms of working with couples, how did you get to where you're doing what you do today?Kai Jordan:
Our work has been something that's been present since we met. When we were at the retreat, we were just enjoying ourselves, our time and, and this new connection, and people were coming up to us, and sitting down beside us starting asking us questions about relationships, and intimacy. And this was happening, you know, one couple would leave. Thank you, thank you so much. Thank you for sharing, and then another, another individual would come and they'd sit down, they'd have questions we were, we were, this was a interesting thing. You know, of course, we had both done our work up until that point, Gabriella following a path of personal development, and then a theatre background and an embodiment based background for acting. And then me having had run my healing practice for years, you know, before that, so we had, we had developed ourselves as facilitators, but we weren't expecting, we were just meeting QuickBird expecting to be giving out, you know, relationship coaching and arrogance service there, but it just, it just started to show up and, and Gabriella was the first to notice it. I guess I didn't really recognize what was happening, because I was just lost in the beauty of a moment. But she was saying, you noticing that a lot of people are coming and asking us about relationships, and you're talking to us about this, and I thought about it, and I went yeah, that's really interesting. I wonder what that's about. And so for the very beginning, we had kind of this quality to us, that that as a couple, then maybe similar to Stephen, me, people were looking at us as maybe an example or as a light, you know, as a as a guide in their life. That started us on the path of putting our, our, our work together and really bringing this work of what we had been exploring personally, because we've both been deeply exploring the path of intimacy and relationship and sexuality on our own. But now bringing this together and thinking what can we create? And, and it took maybe a couple of years of really exploring our relationship and starting to put out workshops and doing working with individuals and then rifles as well writing different content that something developed. And we started to do, we started to distinguish a path. And and I remember Gabriella told me one day that she said, I had this download in the shower. Maybe you want to talk about the download of Sure. Yeah.Gabriella Artini:
Yeah. I'm wearing and I was, it was actually an outdoor shower in Bali. So the sun was in my face, I was seeing just the bright light between the, the sun rays and the water that was in my face. And I found devotional love. And that's the name of our project. And that that's been the name of our project since 2018. Or 17. So I ran and told them and, and it was yeah, that's the name that's that's the name and devotion of love and why because while we will also have experienced Sadiq Khan contents, some some some stuff around the ocean in India together with Sadhguru. And so the ocean was very present in our lives and between us. And it was a dimension that was giving a magic genes and a magic atmosphere and a magic experience to our relationship and to our life. And we know that devotion can be taught, it can just be experience, and it's about the dissolution of self. So it's very appropriate when you think about relationship. If you don't give up your Ingo you're Are your center that is what about me, and he's you know all about who I am and what I need and what I want to, if you don't get out of the dots, it's impossible to create a relationship of love that last long term. So we saw that as a possibility, possibility of bringing more devotion and more spirituality, in the path, our relationship and looking at our relationship as the highest opportunity to grow, to evolve to really transform and dissolve, what's not needed of art.Kai Jordan:
And I want to add that the devotion I experienced, for Gabriella, when we met, was the was what created the possibility of the mirror. Without devotion without being completely committed to the point of dissolving your personal self and all the limitations, you can't create a miracle. And that's, that's we live that. And we still live that this devotion of miracles being created, where we feel we come to a point where there's no possibility, there's something that that can happen, and then all of a sudden, something dissolves. And that possibility emerges. When we start to experience it, we start to explore it. And it just many times in our relationship, we've had devotional moments, we call it we have a chapter, we have nine different chapters or pillars in the path of devotional love, and one of them is evolution. And each one of these pillars form the foundation of a relationship. And our relationship and our and our perspective is the, the being that's created from the two people. So we have a Sunday together, I couldn't have created that by myself, Gabriella couldn't have created that by herself. Some things in life can only be created together. And relationships are beautiful in that way. Because together, you can create things that you can't actually create on your own. And that's the beautiful possibility it provides is that this provides another being another possibility for me to experience on a daily basis, that's not just me. But it's something that is created together with another. And that possibility may be greater than the individual parts, that possibility is going to be more of a possibility than just need.Gabriella Artini:
So we come back to the question of being what do I need to be in order to create this relationship? Or do I need to be in order to serve others in this PL in this topic, who do I need to be to me, I'm mother to be a parent to be parent with Kai. So it's, I can't stay the same. That is not going to create the outcome that we want to create is not going to create miracles, some is going beyond yourself and create something greater, greater that new ever dream of. And sometimes he's a very incompetent process. Because it's about literally expanding in direction, that the feels scary sometime to expand towards the, it feels scary to let go of your old identities and personalities. And, you know, we are so attached. And that's the compulsion that we have is that attachment to ourselves has we have been created, but that is also at the risk of remaining the same and becoming rigid and intolerant. And like a box that doesn't go with any flow and doesn't do what is needed because life it's about doing what is needed in every single given moment. And adapt to DAX in ways that you wouldn't have imagined. So that you can feel that your possibilities are limitless, and you are a new thing being you're not just what you're you're told to be conditioned or used to be.Meredith Bell:
I was just thinking for people who have worked hard all their lives, to not be a people pleaser, you know, wrapped into our codependent on someone else's behavior. And so this idea of dissolution of self. I'm wondering if you get any resistance around that as it relates to somebody Who's finally tried to learn how to stand on their own, get past some of the dependency they may have had on another person to truly understand what that means the dissolutionGabriella Artini:
Is the difference between conscious and unconscious compulsion and aware. So when I'm a people pleaser, I do it from my reaction, way of being reactive way of being, it's a coping mechanism. For avoid, avoid feeling hurt, basically, generally could be avoided feeling lonely, separated, disconnected, it could be anything, but we avoid feeling hurt. And we cope by that by sometimes pleasing others. But that's not a conscious choice, that's a reaction that's in the shadow. When you bring these from the shadow to the light, and it becomes your choice, then you are owning, you decide I want to be devoted to something greater than me, it doesn't have to be a person, it doesn't have to be your partner, it can be their relationship itself, which is like an entity, it's, you basically i are devoted to growth and evolution, every step of the way. So I am not just trying to loving for, for chi or for myself, because if I'm loving to him, then I am going to get something out of it. I am kind of I want to be kinda I choose to be kind and loving, and serving, because I know that is gonna make me grow, make us grow, and bring into the world, something better, something of a higher level of consciousness, and it is going to free me from the chain, from the prison of limitations of what I can be. There's nothing I cannot do, there's nothing I cannot be, if that is gonna create miracles expand in the vision that a larger vision of what I want to create, whether it is providing the best environment for my kids to live in, whether it is being myself, like Amy and Steve, an example of love, an exemplar of stability, an example of maturity, emotional maturity, an example of commitment, or whatever else. Yeah. So did I respond to your question?Meredith Bell:
Right? Oh, that's a great response. Kai, do you didn't have anything you wanted to add to that?Kai Jordan:
Yeah. Well, when we. So the process that we notice, when when we're working with relationship is, like, like you mentioned, there are certain states of being that might be stuck in pleasing or maybe stuck in a in a state that would be more unconscious. And we there's a path that most relationships follow the path is such you meet someone and you fall in love, there's a chemistry, there's an attraction, there's often this draw to the other person. And it's usually a difference. And it's usually that there's something unique about them that you maybe, maybe either don't see yourself, or you don't yet embody. And there's something that is drawing this, these two people together. And when they meet, there's a period and scientifically there's about a two to three year buffer. Like if things go well, biologically, then you have that oxytocin and serotonin buffer up the honeymoon phase. And that's, that's, that can be shorter, it can be longer. But typically, for most people, it's that two to three years. And when that shifts when, when that biological assistance shuts off, now, you start to see the person. And what actually gets revealed is their default program, which is the conditioning that was there from childhood. So how did they learn to relate as a child to their parents is the same bonding mechanism that they're using to attract a partner now they know this with neuroscience, the same neural patterns that are used to attach and create bonding with parents are repurposed later for romantic relationships. So that default once the eautiful hormones, were out, that default becomes more apparent. And you start by as I'm getting triggered, But why is this stuff coming up. And it's because this is the process of relationship is that after this amazing bonding, we start to be brought our attention gets brought to the patterns that are unconscious, that are unresolved. And it's very rare that two people who meet who are attracted to one another by these bonding patterns end up having the default relationships that that meld together, oftentimes, there's tension, because there's different cultures or there's different upbringings. And there's different values are, so these, this is the clashing. But what that is, is this the conflict that it is about to round the edges, you know, in order to create a pearl, you need friction, you need an irritation, you need something that gets inside of that and irritates it to the point that it actually creates something beautiful. And that's what the relationship does is it irritates something unconscious in each individual to the point that they have the choice to to create a URL out of that irritation. And thatMeredith Bell:
Must come in because most people wouldn't you say, I won't say most, a lot of painful, allow that irritation to drive them to separation divorce, they don't attempt to see the beauty of that they see the pain of Yeah,Kai Jordan:
Yeah, and it could and the that's why this is so important in this conversation. And even in this community, because there are so many people who do the work on themselves. And they create this being but then to do it as a couple, to create a being as a couple, it's a different process. Because now you're creating the being of the couple. And that is a shared vision, and a shared mission and a shared process. And that, to do that it must be conscious. You can't create that unconsciously, you can't just hope by chance that all of this stuff will get resolved. There must be a conscious intention, and alignment, and a vision that's created for the couple in order to align because where you want to go in your life and where I want to go in my life may be different. But when we merge our lives together, if I want to go here and you want to go there that might be pulling us either apart, or that might be creating discord in the relationship, we have to know consciously what we're working together towards. We must have a consciously shared vision, consciously created vision. And that is what ultimately starts to create the being of the couple is a consciously created shared vision, which takes the relationship from that codependent, which is I need this from you to an interdependent which is together we can create. Because as I mentioned, we have a son together, I wasn't thinking I'm going to get a child that of you, you know how I'm going to I'm going to extract a child out of this relationship I wasn't thinking about that our love was the was the environment in which we naturally felt the desire to create something together. And that's what a relationship can be, it can be the foundation for something that neither of you could create alone can be the foundation for that to be created together.Gabriella Artini:
To respond to what you just said, you're married. Yeah, we a lot of people stops hoping for, to continuing their relationship when they experience a conflict in the relation ship itself. So, there is a tendency in the collective and we noticed with our work and working with people to give the responsibility to the relationship itself. So we have conflict. Therefore the conclusion that I see is the relationship doesn't work. The relationship is faulted the relationship is not meant to be, you know, there is rhetorical beliefs about it. So while we help people with is understanding that what is coming out, will come up in the next relationship to if you're going to end that this because common denominator of every single relationship we have is just one and he's us. So there's other common denominators. So what it needs to be look at is the being as we're talking about that is like looking inward and doing this. So, and noticing that their relationship, the other is the perfect container, and the perfect mirror that brings because we love brings to light every day that is our like love. So everything inside of us and each one of us as some shadows, and dark places, whether they I just insecurities, or they are real monsters, you know, that we have inside that we hold the inside trauma, the relation will bring up everything to the surface, to heal, to be healed, to be look at, to be loved, to be made love to. That's what being together is that what intimacy and sexuality can be is making love to everything we are included. The shadows include included, the including the darkest parts of us that we are shamed out. And we are protecting, and we are pretending they're not there. And we don't want to show anyone, but love make us so vulnerable. And so crack open our hearts that at a certain point, we are willing to share those dark sides that to us are so unacceptable and so unlovable. And when we become so vulnerable, because we feel safe in the container of love, and we share and someone else's. So I love that. I love that about you, I understand you. It's okay to be like that. And you reflect back. Oh my god. You know, that was not that bad. That was not that unacceptable, and I'm lovable? That's the best scenario that can happen, of course, then there are many shades of it. But yeah,Meredith Bell:
Yeah, there's so many thoughts running through my mind, as I've been listening to both of you, so much wisdom coming out. And thinking about people being ready to do that kind of work. That has, it's so easy. As I hear you describe, I won't say idyllic, but really the possibility of what can be created. And what instead often happens of pointing the finger blaming the other person, if only this person would be this way, then I would be happy or this. And it takes me back to the being book. And what Steve talked about creating Amy, you know, every day, and I know since reading that book, I've been much more conscious of creating my husband, and what a difference that makes in how I see him how I interact with him, how I am being with him. And I think, you know, one of the key points you're both making is this idea that if I take personal responsibility myself, in creating this relationship, instead of feeling more like a victim, or powerless or whatever, that is holding me back. The idea of adopting what you all are saying is a way of being present so much possibility for the kind of love you were just describing GabrielaGabriella Artini:
It's a highest it's a higher level of consciousness from which you can operate than this like than the material one. The material one is what you see what you judge your mind your your thoughts, your but what you can create, it's you you have to really breathe in a different way see things through a higher perspective. Taking your power back, and I'm not a victim of this person, this relationship this dynamic. I can like start from zero and recreate exactly what I want to see in that person for myself. And, and when you do that and you put that in language, you will automatically start experiencing what you are creating in language. Yeah, and showingMeredith Bell:
Up as love with that person. You know, who do I want to be? I want to be love to this person. Well what is that? I mean about how I speak to them, how I treat them, I cringe. Now when I hear people being sarcastic with someone else, or, you know, joking in a way that isn't really joking, and it's so far and now to this whole idea of creating a relationship where you're elevating the other person in there by elevating yourself, in how you interact. And I just see that with both of you. In the way you're, you speak about each other, and also the work that you're doing with couples, the time has flown by, I can't believe how this has just been such a beautiful conversation, I would love because I think our listeners would also love to hear more about the work you're doing and how they might learn more about you and benefit from the work you're doing with couples.Kai Jordan:
So when we work with couples, we realize that the container for a couple needs to be individualized and worked on as a couple. So we both need to work as individuals. And you know, the man or the woman or the woman and a woman, whichever, whichever people, two people show up in front of us, we are going to work individually with them around who they're being and around also, with those default programs, if you will, the ones that are showing unconsciously in the relationship. And we're going to work on that. But we're also going to work beneath that at maybe some unresolved things, there could be some trauma, there could be some wounding that is preventing them from even feeling safe enough to opener, a deeper levels of it. And when we can open the individuals, there's more capacity in the couple. And that's really where then you can come together and start to consciously create. And there there's a very specific process we use, we call it the co creation process. And this is a very specific method to create a shared vision, and a way that you align your strengths in the relationship. And you align your intention to a common goal. And you can do it in very specific ways for every area of your life, whether it be How have you parent, and the kinds of, you know, experiences you want to create together. Or it could be the the work that you're doing, or it could be, you know,Gabriella Artini:
Meet two men on about the relationship.Kai Jordan:
That's a very specific, conscious creation of the couple. And there are different steps of that where you align and then you delegate buried down even to the material like what am I going to do on a daily daily basis, that's going to lead to the realization of this vision. And what happens in that process is people start to see, one thing happens is people start to see I've actually been unconsciously moving in a different direction than you. And I didn't realize that we had different different visions. And when inane on the things that they can come together with it unifies them. Now instead of working unconsciously against one another, which is what causes a lot of the deeper bickering. They have consciously aligned and they're working with each other. Now you have collaboration instead of competition. And the competition is unconscious. It's not that we're consciously working against each other. But it's just what happens when we're individuals. When we're individualistic, and in a relationship, we, there are things that we do individually that don't work for the couple. Right? And we have to transform that that's what the devotional processes is getting beyond those individualistic things that are not supporting the possibility of a couple. So we work individually. I did a lot of men's work before meeting Gabriella, she did a lot of woman's work. So there's also the component of of looking at masculinity and healing masculinity and we're looking at femininity and healing femininity and being able to being able to deepen our embodiment of these primordial energies, masculine feminine energies that are present in nature. And when those energies become more, they have more ease and then when they have more depth and balance and balance, then when we come together, we create more harmonious relationships. So and then we also work a lot around sexuality, where one of the main reasons why people start to feel a Discord is their sexuality could either become stagnant or there could be some blocks. There could have been traumas where one person has difficulty opening up on a physical level. And this can create the the stopping of have a deeper intimacy and whenever there's stagnation in the relationship, now, the relationship stops growing. And on some level, when things stop growing and evolving, they start dying. So that's No, you got to keep things moving in the relationship, the stagnation is, say the depth of the couple of it, if you need a certain level of maintenance of growth, ongoing conversation, yeah, there has to be an evolution otherwise, then there's nothing really happening in the couple, and then you become more individual and one. And this is often the case one person's growing. And the other is focused on other things. And so we see this a lot, we see this as one person is doing a lot of work on themselves, and they're outgrowing their partner. And they're experiencing things about themselves that weren't present when they met. So now they have this whole new aspect of themselves, they've discovered and their partner doesn't know who they really are now, because they're being has expanded. And now there's the possibility to bridge the gap. But one person may not be willing to do that work, or they may not not be doing that work. And so when, with couples, we're working both on them expanding their being individually, and then they we bring them together. And we've we've had people report that they have done the work on their own, right, they've worked with, you know what, the woman will have worked with a coach around feminine embodiment. But when they brought it back to the partner, there was nowhere to go. But when they worked with us together, and I was working with a man and Gabriella is working with a woman, and then we worked with them as a couple, they said, we grew at the same pace, we were able to grow together. And it was so nice to be held in a container, where we were doing the work half a cup, to meetGabriella Artini:
Each other's death. Because that's, that's something that we feel, and we hear a lot in our sessions is I want to be felt, especially women, in the depths of my being, I want to be witness, I want to be touched there. With spirits, I want to, I want eyes to meet at that level of of depth and profundity of being it's a crave is a spiritual craving, that you can accomplish within yourself. So certainly, our with God, in many ways, with life in many ways. There are many ways of describing it. But there is also a need for a woman in the men in our relationship to beam become a unity in the couple, which is beyond the relationship dynamics beyond sexuality, it's a higher level of encounter, that we are craving as, as beings are heavy, and can just be accomplished between, you know, and showKai Jordan:
You committed, committed individuals who want experience something beyond themselves. And, you know, and for many, even now we speak to a lot of different people from the earn to spiritual communities and from from different communities of personal development. And they say, I want to share this with someone. Like it's not just enough to be experiencing this on my own, I want to share this profound experience with another. Yeah. AndGabriella Artini:
This is doing a monk butKai Jordan:
We have, yeah, we have, we have a friend who says relationships are the final frontier. You know, many people focus on their business and they focus on themselves, but they don't really learn the art of being in a relationship and making that into what they want. So,Meredith Bell:
And to me, the beauty of what you're doing in your work is that the kind of bonding, the the kind of exploration, the devotional love is so easily transferable than to others in your life, because you've done the work on yourself. You've done the work with this partner, and now you have the ability to expand that work with others. It's a skill in a sense, that you're learning in terms of a way of being with another human being that's transferableGabriella Artini:
You know, all right, that it feels like that. Life has been choosing that for chosen now for us. We haven't been i We never sat Oh, that's what we want to do. It's been bigger than us has been, you know, greater than us. And we felt that's what's needed right now, historically, and, and so who we are for where we are at, and it's been requested to us. And that's why service, it's a world that resonates so much with us.Kai Jordan:
You know, our mission in the world is to raise relationship consciousness, preserve the innocence of children, we now have that the couples are the environment in which the future generation will grow. And the strength of their bond and their love. And the capacity for them to be role models, is what's going to determine how much work we're going to have to do in the future. Those kids will have to do in the future. And so it really does start with a couple, that intimate relationship with your chosen partner is you will not have an another relationship where you share more of yourself with any other person, you won't have that with your parents, you will not even have that with your children, your intimate partner, you will share the most the deepest parts of yourself, no one will experience those parts with that person. So this is the most foundational, fundamental relationship of your life. And like you said, once you cultivate that, now it seeps in every other area of your life, you've cultivated something beautiful with the person that you share the most intimate aspect of yourself with. And now your ability to relate to other people expand, just as it did that work. And what a beautiful opportunity to share yourself fully with another person in this lie.Meredith Bell:
Circling back that whole dissolution of your ego, with that one partner and the risk that you are willing to take and the benefits, you experience as a result of doing that, that to me would be inspiring to repeat that with others because of, you've learned how to have that level of openness, we could keep going, I just love this conversation, you're so beautiful. And I want to acknowledge both of you for the way you complement each other, so wonderfully, and the love that I can feel from you towards each other, that I'm sure our listeners were here will hear in your voice as to that I just am, I'm so honored to have had this time with you. And I would love in closing for you to share your website. So if people want to explore that, we'll put it in the show notes. But I would love for you to share that.Kai Jordan:
Yeah, so our website is www dot devotional love.com. And all of our information, they're variable at our workshops, and our private work with clients and our, our intensive work with clients is in there, along with testimonies of people who we've worked with even recently. And for anyone in this community, who feels called even to know more, we would love to connect with you. If you want to have a conversation with us, we will open up some time for us to connect and communicate. And even if you want to share about something that's going on, you can reach us at our email support at devotional help.com. We were really we really love this. The exploration of love in in relationship. Yeah. And it's something that we are just our passion and our focus, and we see how needed it is in the world. So we're available, we're in service to you if you feel called to be supported.Meredith Bell:
It's so true. I've just been sitting here thinking this is really a calling for you. You you answered that call and we're grateful you Dad, the positive impact you're having not just on the couples you work with, but as you say, the generations to come because of what they are able to then be as parents, to the children that they bring into the world. Thank you both so much.Gabriella Artini:
Thank you so much. It's been an honor for us to on. He's been inspiring to be in this container. Thank you.Gabriella Artini:
TUCP Intro/Outro: Thank you for listening. If you know someone who would benefit from today's conversation, please share this podcast with them. Also, we invite you to visit theultimatecoachbook.com so you can continue your personal exploration of being there you will find links to join our wonderful community. Get your own copy of the ultimate coach book, and more. Simply go now to www.theultimat coachbook.com that's www.theultimatecoachbook.com The link is also available in the show notes. We appreciate your support. Be blessed be