Brad Miller 0:00
Dr. Brad Miller back with you on the pathway to a promise podcast. And it is a really, really an honor today to have a author with this Kevin Murphy is an interesting fellow in many ways he comes from a corporate background working for city group for many years and having great success there including working with the United States government and global markets and securities and exchanges several things in that area. He's also in the world of athletics wrestling champion and a speaker and a coach and a

a Hall of Famer in the World of Wrestling National Wrestling Hall of Fame member. And he's also involved with with with matters of advocacy for nonprofits for the World of Wrestling, but also helping with awareness of opiate and drug drug epidemic says sweeping our country. But here's what I'm interested in what Kevin, I got to talk about today, it is obvious that he is an observer of the human condition. And you notice things like the relationship between happiness and unhappiness and how and that's results of this inner life things we got going on here that we talked about so much in the pathway to promise it will unpack a lot of that as we talk about his book, The three rooms Kevin Murphy, welcome to the pathway to promise podcast.

Kevin Murphy 1:33
Thank you, Brad, thank you for having me on

Brad Miller 1:35
it. It's an honor and a privilege and especially have a first time author of a really fine book, I've read through most of it to the last day or so and, and just some really insightful things about the human condition, and about how we can really choose to choose a life of meaningfulness if we choose to change our thinking, and that's what you're all about you, but tell me, I'd like to hear yours, right? But let me tell you about yourself thinking how did your thoughts get turned around to you come to what to even want to write this book in the first place. only hear a little bit about your background?

Kevin Murphy 2:08
Sure. Well, I, you know, I spent 33 years with one firm on Wall Street. And it was really six different firms that merged together. And through each of those mergers, you learn a lot about yourself, as well as other people's behaviors, you know, especially during times of adversity. And, you know, we all have to deal with our own levels, every diversity in both at work and at home. And I was no different. And so ultimately, I started to look within for answers. Because, you know, I certainly wasn't getting, you know, the right answers from other people. And ultimately, I just kept getting a premonition that I was going to write a book that I just didn't know what it was going to be about. And I can kept open the possibility that it could be about something meaningful. And, you know, when the idea first came to me, ironically, it was in the form of three doors when they were labeled past and the present in the future. And so that's what I thought the name of the book would be. But, you know, eventually the three doors became the three rooms as I kept describing the place where our thoughts go behind the doors,

Brad Miller 3:14
it's, it's an interesting metaphor, and course, you know, you do you expand the metaphor out a little bit, all these three rooms are under one roof, so to speak, are our life and so we have to choose how we're fine to, to manage those would get into those a little bit here. But this is about how you manage your thinking, and how you talk about these these three rooms, and what are some actions that you think people can take at least to have an awareness initially of the various aspects of these three rooms, you can you kind of define the three rooms for us

Kevin Murphy 3:50
Sure, will be the three rooms, it's, you know, in the premise, you know, of the book is that our experience of life is not based on what we do for a living or what we have, it's, it's based on what we think. And our thoughts can only be in one of three places they can be in the past, or the past room, they can be in the future, or the future room where they can be in the present or the present room. And whichever room your thoughts are in, in that moment, determines your experience of life. Because, of course, our thoughts can go back and forth. And so the key is to be aware of which room your thoughts are in. And in order to do that you have to observe your thoughts. And it's that act of observation that separates our awareness from our thoughts. And that awareness is white, all the mystics have always talked about, that's that divine consciousness, that Christ consciousness, or that Buddha consciousness, or however you want to explain it, but that's, you know, that's the place know that we really want to be connected to.

Brad Miller 4:50
Now, word consciousness is really key here, because so many people choose to when adversity hits or life happens, choose to try to ignored or push it down, or to be fine. Some other means to numb the pain sometimes, you know, chemically or through some other unhealthy habits. But you what you're saying is this consciousness awareness is a key to having some happiness and fulfillment here, and being aware of what it's all about, and sort of been pushing it away. And, you know,

Kevin Murphy 5:24
apps Absolutely. And, you know, the whole, you know, the key to the book, you know, is all about identifying, you know, where your thoughts are. Now, we see more and more Literature Today, just, you know, talking about the benefits of consciousness minded lifestyle, or, you know, spiritual lifestyle. And, you know, we constantly hear things about mindfulness and living in the present or being in the now and they all pertain to the conscious awareness of our thoughts. So more and more people understand how important it is to monitor our thoughts. But, you know, Brad, we just don't do a very good job at it. And I think if you want to get better at it, you know, you need to ask yourself a simple question, Where am I? Or? In other words, where are my thoughts? Or even better yet? Which room are my thoughts in? Yeah, anyone can tell you on the outcome, we were you on the outside, but only you can answer where you are on the inside,

Brad Miller 6:22
you find sometimes people sometimes have to have a

job to the system in order to wake them up for where they're at, to, to help them do with a question of where am I at? Or can something core Can people take some bold actions of their own accord in order to become more aware, I'm talking sometimes people at the major health issue, for instance, that wakes them up.

Kevin Murphy 6:45
And I think, you know, being aware, and they said, just constantly asking yourself, you know, where am I and that's something you can do all during the day. And so, instead of just, you know, in, you know, meditation in the morning, you can, you can extend that, because sometimes people do like to meditate and, you know, say prayers in the morning, and they go out into the world, and, and all the things have been that they see in here, and, you know, experiences of life, you know, pulls you in different directions, and causes different emotions. So, you know, it's, it's no, it's able to, to

Unknown 7:20
look at

Unknown 7:24
being able to be aware of what we're thinking and thoughts that make us not feel good, that brings us you know, that can help bring us back into into this center much more quickly. But

Brad Miller 7:33
do you advocate any kind of way to help help that to happen, he personal disciplines or

accountability partners, or anything along this line that can help us be more aware of where we're at

Unknown 7:49
with, I think one of the biggest things in let's say, the boldest actions that people can take in order to, you know, implement, you know, changes right away in their life is to install, find a cause that you believe in, and really get involved. Because, like you said, a lot of people have, you know, dealt with, with, you know, trauma and, you know, in other know, significant challenges. And, you know, when we come in, you know, across adversity in those in those times, either we can succumb to them, and focus on on the challenge in focus on on the past, and the negative emotions that that you've experienced. And that's what I call getting caught in the past room, and constantly going back there, constantly thinking about it, and constantly feeling those negative emotions. And that leads to things like blame and know I'm pointing out and it's, it's always it's somebody else's fault, or, you know, that, you know, you become the victim. And it's understandable why people would want to blame other people for certain things, or feeling like a victim. But starting to get involved with, with, with causes, and things that even have affected you, personally, starts to empower you to, to make changes going forward. And not only just, you know, in your own life, because of you can, you can take that, and we've seen examples of that, where people have experienced real, you know, either tragedies or, or no real challenges in their lives. And they've turned around and they've been spokespeople and, you know, inspirations to other people of how to overcome it. And that's the message that's really where we want to be, because they're letting go of their, you know, the past, it's not like they just totally forget of, you know, what happened, but they're taking what happened. And it's the perception of that, instead of that, okay, this is what happened, and now I'm a victim is their perception is, this is what happened, I've experienced this and now this is what I want to do with this going forward. You know, I want to help people I want to be, you know, you help be the influencer of change. Yeah. How about

Brad Miller 9:57
how about for you personally, Kevin just got a feeling that there was some life event or some some issue that came into your life that you had to overcome some adversity that you had to deal with, I just like to hear, but if you want your story about whatever was kind of an incentive here for you, and writing this book, if there was some particular if episode or issue that that may be helped you to processes this way?

Unknown 10:22
Well, I think, you know, I, I did have a, you know, a, let's say, a personal experience of adversity and in which probably was, you know, one of the biggest, you know, influences for the buck. And, you know, I, one day I was working, you know, in the, in corporate America and, and, you know, married with two kids and, you know, loving my life. And, you know, it seemed like, the next day, you know, all of a sudden we were going through a merger and I was living in a little basement apartment, you know, without my kids and you start to say, you know, how did this happen, you know, why is, you know, why am I here? And, you know, for me, I I literally stood up on my bed one night, and I had it out with God, I I screamed at him, I cursed at him and said, you know, why am I here? Why can I see my kids every day? I'm a good person, I didn't do anything wrong, this isn't right, you know? And then I started screaming you know, what else do you got, you know, I can take it Give it to me. And I think sometimes that that that total you know, release of all of these negative emotions and and taking it out on the one you know, power source that can handle it

Unknown 11:42
that all of a sudden it caused this this incredible calm within me and you know, overs and that's why I was talking about earlier, when you deal with adversity, you know, you can always find all the answers out with other people talking with other people. You have to, you have to, you know, truly look within and, you know, that started this whole you know, path of me constantly devouring everything I could about, you know about religion, spirituality, and, and really trying to connect with my with my higher power and they own salt, you know,

Brad Miller 12:14
that's a that's an incredible story. Because in many ways, what you're describing from some people's perspective, you would have been in a pretty good place, meaning you were having some some success in corporate America and some things along that line. And yet there was a level of discontentment that cause you to be, you know, have it outstanding beds, yelling, screaming, and to force you to, to come to terms of what is really truly important in your life. And it isn't that hit her life. And I just think outward appearances are sometimes sometimes to see the weekend at the inner turmoil going on of meaningfulness and meaning less than us that's going on. And that's awesome that you share it there, thank you. I know that take some voluntarily to share that I really thank you for doing that. But see, like what you described, there's a little bit of that you were trying to do with similar stuff in the, what you described as the as the past room, would you say, That's fair, when you were talking about the Europe your experience there?

Unknown 13:13
Yeah, cuz I was, I was holding on to things because, so I was, you know, I was better, I was resentful I was in I was holding on to these negative emotions every time I thought of, you know, not, you know, being able to see my kids every day and just, you know, it starts to build, the more and more you build any, I call it getting, you know, stuck in the past room. And, you know, and unless you do something to come back, you know, to come back into the present, come back into the present room and realign, you know, with your higher power, then then it's just going to continue to lead negative emotions. And we've, we all know, some people who, you know, have just been seem angry for years, and they just, and they hold on to graduates and they and they don't let things go,

Brad Miller 13:57
they get stuck, they get stuck, and whatever, bitterness and regret and all that painful stuff, you know, from your past. And if you choose to, you can just stay in the land of bitterness. But you

Unknown 14:11
exactly

Brad Miller 14:12
one of the things I find interesting about would you share in your book and is that some people and a lot of folks, I think, especially folks who really get into, oh, you know, self help type of literature, and so on. And it's all very well and good. But a lot of its focuses on the future, you know, major goal setting, and so on. And that's all good stuff. And you do share about what you call the future room is not always all it's cracked up to be in the sense of, it's not always about those futuristic things that there is some things to be wary of their would you share a little bit about how there are some things about the future room that are not exactly where we, we went to be

Unknown 14:55
sure, when I talk about the future room, it's once again, thank looking to the future and about what can happen, and usually from a worst case scenario, or, you know, looking at what's, you know, what's not going to happen, and having it cause negative emotions. And if you look at, you know, long term chronic illness, you know, in society today, it's one of the major causes this stress, and, you know, if you've never had an anxiety attack, you know, it's, you can't appreciate how physically debilitating it can be. And really, it's, it's from looking at what is looking at your life as it is right now. And then, if your desires have not yet, you know, come to fruition, or manifested yet, then, you know, you can look to the future and you focus on, you know, what isn't, what isn't happening, and what you don't have. And those thoughts can prevent your desires from coming. And so you really can't look at what you know, what is in projected into the future of what isn't, or what you don't have, really. And of course, we need to look to the future and plan for the future. But you're,

Brad Miller 16:07
you're just a little bit different. And planning, you're talking about some of that emotional kind of the what ifs, if I was kind of grew up in a really spiraling down, you'll place

Unknown 16:16
exactly. And so in the present room, you think of your desires, and instead of focusing on what isn't, you imagine what can be and then focus on the feeling of your desires already coming true, that's the same thing that Christ talked about, in the same thing that all the, you know, the mystics have always, you know, sad. And so, you know, when, when we focus on what can be, instead of, you know, what can't be or what isn't, then we can start to attract into our lives, you know, all the things that, you know, will, you know, help us achieve those desires,

Brad Miller 16:57
and we start to attract those things, that's what you call the present room, that's the places of, of peace of joy, is that that's what we want to be, is that right?

Unknown 17:08
Absolutely. And I think that's really where most important, that's where we come in alignment with our higher power, or, you know, with our soul with that, that whole divine consciousness, because even when you think about that, you go back to the past room for a second, and feeling negative emotions are being angry at someone that you can't let go, those negative emotions of anger, or resentment, or letting you know that you are looking back into the past, and you are simply not viewing it or perceiving it the same way as your own higher self, because your own higher self, or that divine consciousness, it's not condemning that person, it's not blaming that person, it's not judging that person, you're doing that you can call it your ego, whatever you want to say, but it's the separation from your own Hi, yourself. And so when you're in the present room,...