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The Value Of A Goal - Ep: 075
Episode 759th January 2022 • She Coaches Coaches • Candy Motzek
00:00:00 00:18:13

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What is the value of a goal? What are three ways that you might hold yourself back from setting and reaching your dreams and goals? Listen in to discover what these are and more importantly what to do about them

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Transcripts

Candy Motzek:

Welcome to she coaches coaches. I'm your host,

Candy Motzek:

Kandi motsek. And I'm going to help you find the clarity,

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confidence and courage to become the coach that you are meant to

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be. If you're a new coach, or if you've always wanted to be a

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life coach, then this is the place for you. We're going to

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talk all about mindset and strategies and how to, because

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step by step only works when you have the clarity, courage and

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confidence to take action. Let's get started. My friend, and

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welcome to this episode. So glad you're here. Today, we're going

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to talk about the value of a goal. Now, I am not talking

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about those dry, boring goals that they want you to set at

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work. I'm also not talking about the annual performance

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evaluation goals. And I'm not talking about the goals where

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your boss comes to you and says, Okay, here's the company goal

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for the year, what's going to be your part in it? I'm talking

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about your goals. What do you want? And why do you want it?

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And so it may not be the thing that you think at first, right?

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But often we think the value of setting a goal is in achieving

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the goal. But what if that's not it at all? It's not a line in

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the sand. It's not a number that you want to hit. It's not

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necessarily the new job, the new business, the new promotion,

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what if the value of the goal is not the end result. But

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everything that happens from when you set the goal to when

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you make it come true? What if that's the real value, the who

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you're becoming the how you're learning to try new things, the

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how you're growing, the how you're learning to believe in

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you and your abilities, how you're expanding what you're

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learning and the new ways of being in the world. What if that

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is the real value of a goal. Now, when you think about a

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goal, every single goal is a desire, I want a new home, I

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want a new car, I want a six figure figure business, I want

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to be a fully booked coach, I want my first five coaching

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clients, I want, I want I want and then we fill in the blank.

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But all of those things that we want are actually a desire. And

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they are a desire for a feeling. It's not the want, not the

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specific thing that you pin it on. Because if you think about

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it, the life that you're living right now today is probably the

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life that you were dreaming of five years ago, all those things

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that you imagined would come true when you reached your goal.

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When you think of where you are right now? Is this how you

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expect it to feel? So what if you could feel that way now? And

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learn how to feel it all along the way? And what if that is one

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of the big values of the goal? Practicing a new feeling?

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Feeling successful? feeling proud, feeling confident all

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along the way? What if you could actually do that? I'm gonna tell

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you, it is 100% possible. So let me start with talking also about

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what a goal is not a goal is not a way for you to measure your

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worth. A goal has nothing to do with who you are at the core, or

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how deserving you are.

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You are completely worthy of everything that you can imagine

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right now. Nothing you could do. No action, you could take no

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hoops, you can jump through no new promotion, no fully booked

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Coaching Calendar, packed with amazing dream clients is going

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to make you any more worthy than you are right now, in this

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moment moment. When you set a goal, if you think underneath

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that somehow achieving that goal is going to make you more

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deserving, and you're going to be sorely mistaken and super

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disappointed. Because you already are worthy. You're

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already completely valuable. And that is why you are here on this

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planet right now. You have got something that this world needs.

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And I'm hoping you're going to get the understanding that what

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you've got is worth you've got something this world needs and I

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am hoping that you're starting to understand that every aspect

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of you is completely worthwhile. You have value exactly who you

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are. And everyone else is completely worthy and deserving

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to, you are no more worthy than anyone else, no matter your

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education level, your hair color, your religion, nothing,

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none of that affects your worth. So that's what a goal is not, it

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is not a way for you to feel more worthy. If you think that

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getting that next promotion, all of a sudden, you're gonna feel

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worthy, you're gonna be mistaken. And I would love it,

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if you would just settle into that, and really think about

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this right now. So you don't end up going down that path. I

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mentioned earlier, every goal is a really a desire for a feeling.

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So let me show you how you can go about figuring out what

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feeling you want. When you think about a goal, maybe you're

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thinking, you know, I have always wanted to be a coach, or

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I want my first five paying clients, or really want to quit

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my job. Maybe you want a bigger house, maybe you want more

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travel, maybe you want to meet the love of your life. Maybe

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your goal is to have better relationships with everyone in

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your family. Whatever your goal is, the way that you're going to

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understand what's going on. What the feeling that you're looking

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for, is to ask yourself this simple question. Why? Why do I

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want that? Why do you want that goal? Is it going to give you

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prestige? Is it going to make you feel powerful? Why do you

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want more money? Why do you want more clients? Why do you want a

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business? Is it because you think you're going to finally

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feel successful? Maybe you'll feel secure? Why do I want some

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of those things? Ask why? Why do I want it? There is no right or

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wrong? Answer. Every answer that you come up with is a great

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answer. And then ask, what is it about that success? Why do I

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want that success? Why do I want that goal? I want to feel

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something? Maybe you want to feel more successful? Why do you

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want more money? Will you feel safe and secure? Will you feel

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free? Will you feel like you can finally make your own choices?

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Do you see what I mean? Every one of those goals that you

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think of are wonderful goals. But ask yourself why? Why do I

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want it? And then once you have a list, it might be a long list

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or shortlist that list is up to you. But ask yourself why? Why

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do I want to be that thing. You can see how every one of the

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goals that you might be dreaming of, is a reason for a feeling.

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And once you know the feeling, just know that you can start to

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cultivate that feeling today. You don't have to wait until the

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goal is achieved to start feeling that feeling now. And so

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think about it. A goal is a way of creating a feeling through

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desire. And I believe that every goal that you have was given to

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you because it's also a chance for you to grow, it's a chance

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for you to learn more to be the next version of yourself to

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expand to be even more authentic and even more fulfilled. Every

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single goal is a drive for a feeling, and a drive for

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expansion and growth.

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So now I want to talk about some of what you might know you want.

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And then when it's time to set a goal, you might experience this,

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you might feel confused about what goal to choose this year.

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This is super common. Don't worry about it. You're not

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alone. That's why I'm talking about it here on this episode.

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It might sound like this, you might be saying yourself, oh get

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there goes candy. Again. She's talking about setting goals. She

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does that every year about this time. And I'm asking what do you

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want? Now when you hear me say that? So what do you want? You

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might kind of feel nervous, like a deer stuck in the headlights?

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I don't know. He might say, I don't exactly know what I want.

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And if this sounds like you don't worry, there's lots of

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people like you in the same boat. You might not know the

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specifics, but my guess is you do know how you want to feel.

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And maybe one of the reasons your brain is kind of spinning

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on this is that it wants to keep you safe. It doesn't want you to

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stretch outside your comfort zone. So when your brain

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responds to my question of what do you want and your brain says,

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I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, then you never have

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to figure it out. Well, what if you allowed yourself? What if

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you got a little bit curious and said, Well, if I did have a

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small goal, what might that be? And if that goal was possible,

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what might I be capable of? And then see what comes up.

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If your brain and you guys aside, right, I love to refer to

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your brain as something sort of outside of you, because it helps

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us to understand the security mechanism in play here. So when

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you ask yourself, what do I want? And if your brain says, I

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don't know, you could say, How do I want to feel? Do I want to

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feel more confident? Or successful? Do I want clarity?

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What are the feelings that you want, you're going to see, once

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you start to get in touch with those feelings, the goals will

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start to come to you. Remember, your brain wants to keep you

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safe. It doesn't want to rock the boat, it doesn't want you to

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try anything that might be a little bit risky. But guess

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what? That's what happens as adults, we're used to not having

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to learn or struggle or fail. We want to be good at doing that

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thing the first time around. And we know that every time we set a

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goal and we stretch, there is no way we're going to get it right.

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Not at first anyway. So your brain might be trying to help

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you out. Like it's actually trying to help you. When it says

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I don't know, it might be trying to save you from being

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uncomfortable. And in the end, guess what, if you don't set a

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goal, you might feel disappointed, you may feel kind

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of blocked in your life, like nothing exciting is happening.

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It becomes a bit of a self fulfilling prophecy. Not only

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might you feel disappointed, but you're going to feel flat, and

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uninspired and all those things that you're trying to avoid by

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setting and going for a goal. So ask yourself, How do I want to

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feel, and then using that feeling, come up with a goal.

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And it doesn't have to be a massive earth shattering goal,

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it can be a small goal, start somewhere. So next, what else

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might get in the way of you setting in and achieving your

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goal? Maybe you set a great goal, something that sounds just

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right. Remember your brain, as I said, it loves to keep you safe.

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So your brain in its quest to always keep you safe, lets you

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have the satisfaction of setting a goal. And then you forget

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about it. Have you ever done that, I know I should have set a

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goal planted out this is my game plan, it's gonna be amazing. And

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then all of a sudden, I forgot about it. So what do you do if

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this is you, you start to make it a habit to keep that goal in

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mind. Every day, you do a little something for that goal. You

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write yourself a note, you keep the note in your workspace, you

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write yourself a note and keep it on the bathroom mirror, then

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you can see it as you're brushing your teeth. The only

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thing your job is is not to forget the goal that you set.

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Now, listen, I'm recording this at the beginning of January

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2022. And if you're listening to this, and it's June 15. And you

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realize, oh, I set a goal and I forgot about it, I want you to

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give yourself permission to start your year today. You don't

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have to wait until December to plan a year. That 12 month

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period starts this minute. So if you're listening, and it's later

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in the season, don't worry, you can start any time any day can

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be your January 1. So we've talked about, we've talked about

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the value of a goal. We've talked about what a goal is not.

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We've talked about what happens when your brain doesn't even

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want you to set a goal. And we've also talked about what

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happens when you forget about a goal. So what's the third

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possibility that can happen that can slow down your progress?

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Well, I call it the being realistic part. This is the

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third big thing that can happen. You set a goal at one it's one

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that makes you go Oh, that would be so much fun. That would be

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amazing. And then you proceed to talk yourself out of the dream.

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Yeah, you just talk yourself out of it. You say Oh, come on,

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nobody can do that. That is completely unrealistic. You

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should do something that's a little bit more realistic,

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something we can actually hit. And again, you see how your

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brain is trying to talk you out of doing something risky, it

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scared you're going to be disappointed it scared that it's

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going to be scary. All of those things. It wants you to stay in

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your cozy little company. zone. Never trying anything new. never

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doing anything different, never stretching, never learning,

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never growing.

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So what do you do when your brain says, Oh, come on, let's

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be realistic? Well, you can take this approach, you can talk to

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yourself. I know it sounds kind of odd, but it really works. You

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can say, You know what? Listen, I know you're just trying to

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keep me safe. And I appreciate you. But we're gonna try this

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thing anyway. And you can even tell your brain. Listen, I know

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this goal is impossible. So I got you, I am not gonna let

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anything happen to you. Guess what? I already know, it's

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impossible. I already know it's unrealistic. So let's just see

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how far we can get. So that's it. The three scenarios about

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what happens when your brain tries to slow you down or stop

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you from setting or reaching any goal. And now you know, that

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every single goal that you create is a desire for

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particular feeling. You know the value of the goal. And you know,

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the three ways your brain may try to slow you down. It may

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make you not even want to set the goal in the first place. It

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may allow you to set the goal and then forget it. And it may

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make you say, oh, let's only make a realistic goal. So that's

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it for today. I hope you guys have enjoyed this episode. Let

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me know in the comments, what's your goal for this year. And if

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you need some more help setting your goal and creating a plan,

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reach out to me, you can DM me on Instagram anytime. I am

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honored to invite you to be part of my community too. If you're

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ready to get started, sign up for my free resource library.

Candy Motzek:

It's called the coach's Online Business Academy. And if you

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want even more help, maybe you've had enough of this trying

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to figure it all out on your own, or you're trying to piece

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together things by hours and hours of free YouTube videos.

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Then we could talk, we can talk about how we can work together

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so you can get to your dreams, you can set your goals and

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achieve them so much faster. I've got a few spaces open in my

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calendar right now for private clients. So click the link in

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the Episode Notes and find out how to apply to work with me.

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I'll be back and talk to you guys next week. Thanks again for

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listening today. Please hop on over to Apple podcasts and leave

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a review. Also, I would love to hear from you did something that

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I say resonate? What else would you like to learn about? Click

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the link in the player and leave a comment on the post. This is

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going to give me great ideas for future episodes so I can help

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you best. Join me again next week from our coaching, support

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and teaching to help you become the confident coach. You are