What is the value of a goal? What are three ways that you might hold yourself back from setting and reaching your dreams and goals? Listen in to discover what these are and more importantly what to do about them

Don’t forget to sign up for my free resource library that’s filled with good stuff to help new coaches get started.  

>> https://stepintosuccessnow.com/pages/free

Featured on The Show:

• Coaches Online Business Academy – a free resource library 
• Click here to learn how to apply to work with me 

Welcome to she coaches coaches. I'm your host,

Kandi motsek. And I'm going to help you find the clarity,

confidence and courage to become the coach that you are meant to

be. If you're a new coach, or if you've always wanted to be a

life coach, then this is the place for you. We're going to

talk all about mindset and strategies and how to, because

step by step only works when you have the clarity, courage and

confidence to take action. Let's get started. My friend, and

welcome to this episode. So glad you're here. Today, we're going

to talk about the value of a goal. Now, I am not talking

about those dry, boring goals that they want you to set at

work. I'm also not talking about the annual performance

evaluation goals. And I'm not talking about the goals where

your boss comes to you and says, Okay, here's the company goal

for the year, what's going to be your part in it? I'm talking

about your goals. What do you want? And why do you want it?

And so it may not be the thing that you think at first, right?

But often we think the value of setting a goal is in achieving

the goal. But what if that's not it at all? It's not a line in

the sand. It's not a number that you want to hit. It's not

necessarily the new job, the new business, the new promotion,

what if the value of the goal is not the end result. But

everything that happens from when you set the goal to when

you make it come true? What if that's the real value, the who

you're becoming the how you're learning to try new things, the

how you're growing, the how you're learning to believe in

you and your abilities, how you're expanding what you're

learning and the new ways of being in the world. What if that

is the real value of a goal. Now, when you think about a

goal, every single goal is a desire, I want a new home, I

want a new car, I want a six figure figure business, I want

to be a fully booked coach, I want my first five coaching

clients, I want, I want I want and then we fill in the blank.

But all of those things that we want are actually a desire. And

they are a desire for a feeling. It's not the want, not the

specific thing that you pin it on. Because if you think about

it, the life that you're living right now today is probably the

life that you were dreaming of five years ago, all those things

that you imagined would come true when you reached your goal.

When you think of where you are right now? Is this how you

expect it to feel? So what if you could feel that way now? And

learn how to feel it all along the way? And what if that is one

of the big values of the goal? Practicing a new feeling?

Feeling successful? feeling proud, feeling confident all

along the way? What if you could actually do that? I'm gonna tell

you, it is 100% possible. So let me start with talking also about

what a goal is not a goal is not a way for you to measure your

worth. A goal has nothing to do with who you are at the core, or

how deserving you are.

You are completely worthy of everything that you can imagine

right now. Nothing you could do. No action, you could take no

hoops, you can jump through no new promotion, no fully booked

Coaching Calendar, packed with amazing dream clients is going

to make you any more worthy than you are right now, in this

moment moment. When you set a goal, if you think underneath

that somehow achieving that goal is going to make you more

deserving, and you're going to be sorely mistaken and super

disappointed. Because you already are worthy. You're

already completely valuable. And that is why you are here on this

planet right now. You have got something that this world needs.

And I'm hoping you're going to get the understanding that what

you've got is worth you've got something this world needs and I

am hoping that you're starting to understand that every aspect

of you is completely worthwhile. You have value exactly who you

are. And everyone else is completely worthy and deserving

to, you are no more worthy than anyone else, no matter your

education level, your hair color, your religion, nothing,

none of that affects your worth. So that's what a goal is not, it

is not a way for you to feel more worthy. If you think that

getting that next promotion, all of a sudden, you're gonna feel

worthy, you're gonna be mistaken. And I would love it,

if you would just settle into that, and really think about

this right now. So you don't end up going down that path. I

mentioned earlier, every goal is a really a desire for a feeling.

So let me show you how you can go about figuring out what

feeling you want. When you think about a goal, maybe you're

thinking, you know, I have always wanted to be a coach, or

I want my first five paying clients, or really want to quit

my job. Maybe you want a bigger house, maybe you want more

travel, maybe you want to meet the love of your life. Maybe

your goal is to have better relationships with everyone in

your family. Whatever your goal is, the way that you're going to

understand what's going on. What the feeling that you're looking

for, is to ask yourself this simple question. Why? Why do I

want that? Why do you want that goal? Is it going to give you

prestige? Is it going to make you feel powerful? Why do you

want more money? Why do you want more clients? Why do you want a

business? Is it because you think you're going to finally

feel successful? Maybe you'll feel secure? Why do I want some

of those things? Ask why? Why do I want it? There is no right or

wrong? Answer. Every answer that you come up with is a great

answer. And then ask, what is it about that success? Why do I

want that success? Why do I want that goal? I want to feel

something? Maybe you want to feel more successful? Why do you

want more money? Will you feel safe and secure? Will you feel

free? Will you feel like you can finally make your own choices?

Do you see what I mean? Every one of those goals that you

think of are wonderful goals. But ask yourself why? Why do I

want it? And then once you have a list, it might be a long list

or shortlist that list is up to you. But ask yourself why? Why

do I want to be that thing. You can see how every one of the

goals that you might be dreaming of, is a reason for a feeling.

And once you know the feeling, just know that you can start to

cultivate that feeling today. You don't have to wait until the

goal is achieved to start feeling that feeling now. And so

think about it. A goal is a way of creating a feeling through

desire. And I believe that every goal that you have was given to

you because it's also a chance for you to grow, it's a chance

for you to learn more to be the next version of yourself to

expand to be even more authentic and even more fulfilled. Every

single goal is a drive for a feeling, and a drive for

expansion and growth.

So now I want to talk about some of what you might know you want.

And then when it's time to set a goal, you might experience this,

you might feel confused about what goal to choose this year.

This is super common. Don't worry about it. You're not

alone. That's why I'm talking about it here on this episode.

It might sound like this, you might be saying yourself, oh get

there goes candy. Again. She's talking about setting goals. She

does that every year about this time. And I'm asking what do you

want? Now when you hear me say that? So what do you want? You

might kind of feel nervous, like a deer stuck in the headlights?

I don't know. He might say, I don't exactly know what I want.

And if this sounds like you don't worry, there's lots of

people like you in the same boat. You might not know the

specifics, but my guess is you do know how you want to feel.

And maybe one of the reasons your brain is kind of spinning

on this is that it wants to keep you safe. It doesn't want you to

stretch outside your comfort zone. So when your brain

responds to my question of what do you want and your brain says,

I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, then you never have

to figure it out. Well, what if you allowed yourself? What if

you got a little bit curious and said, Well, if I did have a

small goal, what might that be? And if that goal was possible,

what might I be capable of? And then see what comes up.

If your brain and you guys aside, right, I love to refer to

your brain as something sort of outside of you, because it helps

us to understand the security mechanism in play here. So when

you ask yourself, what do I want? And if your brain says, I

don't know, you could say, How do I want to feel? Do I want to

feel more confident? Or successful? Do I want clarity?

What are the feelings that you want, you're going to see, once

you start to get in touch with those feelings, the goals will

start to come to you. Remember, your brain wants to keep you

safe. It doesn't want to rock the boat, it doesn't want you to

try anything that might be a little bit risky. But guess

what? That's what happens as adults, we're used to not having

to learn or struggle or fail. We want to be good at doing that

thing the first time around. And we know that every time we set a

goal and we stretch, there is no way we're going to get it right.

Not at first anyway. So your brain might be trying to help

you out. Like it's actually trying to help you. When it says

I don't know, it might be trying to save you from being

uncomfortable. And in the end, guess what, if you don't set a

goal, you might feel disappointed, you may feel kind

of blocked in your life, like nothing exciting is happening.

It becomes a bit of a self fulfilling prophecy. Not only

might you feel disappointed, but you're going to feel flat, and

uninspired and all those things that you're trying to avoid by

setting and going for a goal. So ask yourself, How do I want to

feel, and then using that feeling, come up with a goal.

And it doesn't have to be a massive earth shattering goal,

it can be a small goal, start somewhere. So next, what else

might get in the way of you setting in and achieving your

goal? Maybe you set a great goal, something that sounds just

right. Remember your brain, as I said, it loves to keep you safe.

So your brain in its quest to always keep you safe, lets you

have the satisfaction of setting a goal. And then you forget

about it. Have you ever done that, I know I should have set a

goal planted out this is my game plan, it's gonna be amazing. And

then all of a sudden, I forgot about it. So what do you do if

this is you, you start to make it a habit to keep that goal in

mind. Every day, you do a little something for that goal. You

write yourself a note, you keep the note in your workspace, you

write yourself a note and keep it on the bathroom mirror, then

you can see it as you're brushing your teeth. The only

thing your job is is not to forget the goal that you set.

Now, listen, I'm recording this at the beginning of January

2022. And if you're listening to this, and it's June 15. And you

realize, oh, I set a goal and I forgot about it, I want you to

give yourself permission to start your year today. You don't

have to wait until December to plan a year. That 12 month

period starts this minute. So if you're listening, and it's later

in the season, don't worry, you can start any time any day can

be your January 1. So we've talked about, we've talked about

the value of a goal. We've talked about what a goal is not.

We've talked about what happens when your brain doesn't even

want you to set a goal. And we've also talked about what

happens when you forget about a goal. So what's the third

possibility that can happen that can slow down your progress?

Well, I call it the being realistic part. This is the

third big thing that can happen. You set a goal at one it's one

that makes you go Oh, that would be so much fun. That would be

amazing. And then you proceed to talk yourself out of the dream.

Yeah, you just talk yourself out of it. You say Oh, come on,

nobody can do that. That is completely unrealistic. You

should do something that's a little bit more realistic,

something we can actually hit. And again, you see how your

brain is trying to talk you out of doing something risky, it

scared you're going to be disappointed it scared that it's

going to be scary. All of those things. It wants you to stay in

your cozy little company. zone. Never trying anything new. never

doing anything different, never stretching, never learning,

never growing.

So what do you do when your brain says, Oh, come on, let's

be realistic? Well, you can take this approach, you can talk to

yourself. I know it sounds kind of odd, but it really works. You

can say, You know what? Listen, I know you're just trying to

keep me safe. And I appreciate you. But we're gonna try this

thing anyway. And you can even tell your brain. Listen, I know

this goal is impossible. So I got you, I am not gonna let

anything happen to you. Guess what? I already know, it's

impossible. I already know it's unrealistic. So let's just see

how far we can get. So that's it. The three scenarios about

what happens when your brain tries to slow you down or stop

you from setting or reaching any goal. And now you know, that

every single goal that you create is a desire for

particular feeling. You know the value of the goal. And you know,

the three ways your brain may try to slow you down. It may

make you not even want to set the goal in the first place. It

may allow you to set the goal and then forget it. And it may

make you say, oh, let's only make a realistic goal. So that's

it for today. I hope you guys have enjoyed this episode. Let

me know in the comments, what's your goal for this year. And if

you need some more help setting your goal and creating a plan,

reach out to me, you can DM me on Instagram anytime. I am

honored to invite you to be part of my community too. If you're

ready to get started, sign up for my free resource library.

It's called the coach's Online Business Academy. And if you

want even more help, maybe you've had enough of this trying

to figure it all out on your own, or you're trying to piece

together things by hours and hours of free YouTube videos.

Then we could talk, we can talk about how we can work together

so you can get to your dreams, you can set your goals and

achieve them so much faster. I've got a few spaces open in my

calendar right now for private clients. So click the link in

the Episode Notes and find out how to apply to work with me.

I'll be back and talk to you guys next week. Thanks again for

listening today. Please hop on over to Apple podcasts and leave

a review. Also, I would love to hear from you did something that

I say resonate? What else would you like to learn about? Click

the link in the player and leave a comment on the post. This is

going to give me great ideas for future episodes so I can help

you best. Join me again next week from our coaching, support

and teaching to help you become the confident coach. You are