Artwork for podcast PowerPivot
come to Jesus, five a.m.
Episode 1617th June 2022 • PowerPivot • Leela Sinha
00:00:00 00:06:33

Share Episode

Shownotes

The shouting is the first step. But it is only the first step. Shouting is a way of knowing there is a problem. The shouting is a way of finding the problem. My body has to know simultaneously that my heart is breaking and that I am doing everything that I can to save us.


Ani DiFranco, "Coming Up:" https://youtu.be/OaSE7F6dgG4

Mina Raver: https://www.instagram.com/mina.raver/

and https://www.forgingfortune.com/


Vanessa Burnett: https://counterfear.com/about/founder-bio/

Transcripts

Leela Sinha:

My body and I had to come to Jesus this morning in

Leela Sinha:

the wee dark hours. It kept shouting outside my window

Leela Sinha:

carrying signs I couldn't read. And so I shouted down and said,

Leela Sinha:

"what are your demands?" and it just made uncomfortable possum

Leela Sinha:

sounds or the noise that a baby otter makes before it touches

Leela Sinha:

water for the first time. And I said, "okay, but really?" and it

Leela Sinha:

said, "ow." And I said, "okay, but where?" And that is how I

Leela Sinha:

ended up lying awake at 5am with my thumb pressed into the muscle

Leela Sinha:

just to the left and center of my sternum, feeling the

Leela Sinha:

throbbing all along my rhomboids, the point of my

Leela Sinha:

shoulder, and assorted other places that I'm not used to

Leela Sinha:

feeling sensation at all, that humans are not really made to

Leela Sinha:

feel sensation in at all, unless perhaps, we have been hit by an

Leela Sinha:

arrow or a falling log, which I have not. But what I have been

Leela Sinha:

hit by is two plus years of pandemic, poverty, heartache,

Leela Sinha:

separation from my loved ones, exhaustion, burnout, and the

Leela Sinha:

flailing of late-stage end-stage some-stage? of capitalism, that

Leela Sinha:

part where fascism and oligarchy try to take over, over and over

Leela Sinha:

again. And somehow, we do not smoothly make the obvious

Leela Sinha:

transition from being wealthy to sharing that wealth. Socialism

Leela Sinha:

seems obvious to me. But in the meantime, we have to have some

Leela Sinha:

kind of bridge, something that helps us regain our humanity,

Leela Sinha:

because it has already been lost in this morass. I know about it,

Leela Sinha:

because the point of my shoulder and my rhomboids told me so. But

Leela Sinha:

I am informed by reliable sources that most people have

Leela Sinha:

long since forgotten how to hear what their bodies are telling

Leela Sinha:

them, because it hurts too much. And as a consequence, cannot

Leela Sinha:

also hear what the body of humanity, the body of the Earth,

Leela Sinha:

the body of life are saying. And by saying, I mean shouting. Even

Leela Sinha:

when it is also ourselves down there doing the shouting,

Leela Sinha:

holding literal signs that literally say what we literally

Leela Sinha:

want. But we forget that the people in the tops of the

Leela Sinha:

skyscrapers can't actually read the signs once they get up

Leela Sinha:

there. They can't see the signs once they get up there. And

Leela Sinha:

hiring a sky writer is both dangerous and ineffective, not

Leela Sinha:

to mention expensive. Ani DiFranco said, if he doesn't

Leela Sinha:

come down and put change in her cup, she's coming up, which is a

Leela Sinha:

great line. But the fact is that the elevator is guarded and

Leela Sinha:

stepping into a small box into which one can be locked for

Leela Sinha:

basically ever makes that strategy probably not the most

Leela Sinha:

effective way to create change. And so what is the most

Leela Sinha:

effective way to create change? And how do we recognize who we

Leela Sinha:

are? And we are in fact, the ones also with the keys to the

Leela Sinha:

elevator, we are in fact, also the ones leaning out the window

Leela Sinha:

squinting at the shouting, perhaps even sincerely engaged

Leela Sinha:

in the possibility that we might be able to meet the demands of

Leela Sinha:

the people down there while retaining our seats up here.

Leela Sinha:

That is not really how it works. In the old days, the buildings

Leela Sinha:

were shorter, even on the fifth storey, you can basically tell

Leela Sinha:

what people are yelling about. And I think that's important to

consider:

being in touch with the ground from which we come is

consider:

a vital part of our survival. And at the same time, we need to

consider:

start stacking people better in cities so that we retain some

consider:

compactness of resource distribution. And at the same

consider:

time, we need more people, more kinds of people moving to the

consider:

places where the skies are open, and the farming is good. I

consider:

believe in us, my friend Mina Raver believes in us; she is not

consider:

the only one. My friend Vanessa Burnett believes in us; she is

consider:

not the only one. I believe that those of us who believe in us

consider:

are actually in the majority. I believe those of us who want to

consider:

simultaneously be in power and share the power are not as

consider:

unique or as far apart as the narratives that we hear would

consider:

have us believe. Even the people writing the newspapers sharing

consider:

the stories have become the people leaning out the 125th

consider:

floor of someplace, squinting down the street, trying to read

consider:

the signs and figure out what the shouting is all about,

consider:

trying to figure out what the demands really are. Because from

consider:

up there, it all sounds like possum sounds. This morning, my

consider:

body and I had to come to Jesus and I lay there at 5am firmly

consider:

consistently pressing out knots that my body doesn't even let me

consider:

know that I have, most of the time. Usually, there is no

consider:

shouting. The shouting is a way of finding the problem. Shouting

consider:

is a way of knowing there is a problem. The shouting is the

consider:

first step. But it is only the first step, then somehow,

consider:

somehow there has to be consensus, consolidation of the

consider:

people at the top of the skyscraper and the people at the

consider:

bottom. Somehow, my body has to trust me enough to let me work

consider:

out the knots in my pectoral muscle. So that my shoulder can

consider:

move freely, so that I can exercise, so that I can breathe.

consider:

So that I can meet the very things about which it has been

consider:

shouting, that I can meet it on the ground. It can meet me in

consider:

the air so they can meet everywhere it wants to. The

consider:

signs aren't merely symbolic. I'm relieved about the shouting,

consider:

but only when the shouting leads to something.

consider:

Here's the irony. My personal trainer and I have been on this

consider:

exact problem. My personal trainer and I have been working

consider:

on this for months, trying to find our way down the fire

consider:

stairs, floor after floor after floor all the way to the bottom

consider:

every chance we get. Every time we get a clue as to where we

consider:

might find the doorway, the entrance, the way to find out

consider:

what's happening down there. The way to read the signs the way to

consider:

hear the demand- something, something gets in our way.

consider:

That's the way of capitalism. But I have known intuitively and

consider:

from the beginning, that the key to this problem is heart ache.

consider:

And the way the human body curls around the center of the chest

consider:

in defense. My body has to know simultaneously that my heart is

consider:

breaking and that I am doing everything that I can to save us.

Links