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The Life Changing Moment Of Realizing “It Was All On Me!”
Episode 5712th March 2022 • Don't Wait For Your Wake Up Call! • Melissa Deally
00:00:00 00:47:43

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Tricia walks her walk and talks her talk, coming from a childhood of sexual abuse and turning to alcohol as a pre-teen to “hold it all together” like the adults in her life were also doing, she numbed herself. She didn’t have the tools to process the emotions any other way.  However there came a point in her life where she realized that she had to take responsibility, not blame others, and choose to heal herself, and from there she has never looked back.  She went back to school and became her own first client in her healing journey, and now pays it forward helping others design the life they truly want to live!  Please share this podcast with someone that you know that needs to be inspired by Tricia’s story. 

Tricia’s gift to my audience:  Life Intervention Program for FREE to the first 3 who register here: https://liveforyourself.teachable.com/purchase?product_id=3841901

(Value of $350)

Your Guided Health Journey Membership:

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https://welcome.yourguidedhealthjourney.com/Health-Kickstart

Complimentary 15 minute consult: 

https://YGHJappointments.as.me/free-consult

Discover Your Toxic Load Quiz:  https://welcome.yourguidedhealthjourney.com/yourtoxicload


About the Guest:

Tricia Parido is a Recovery Lifestyle Enthusiast, Speaker, and Published Writer. She is a Nationally Certified Life Coach, an International Master Addictions Specialist, and a Professional Life Interventionist with a Psych Degree in Process Behavioral and Chemical Addiction who loves to help change lives!

Specializing in life transitions and post-treatment journeys, Parido is ever committed to serving her clients worldwide to find the emotional intelligence they need to conquer their life challenges.

As an active business owner of thriving coaching practice, Turning Leaves® Recovery, Life, and Wellness Coaching, seated in evidence-based practices, she not only teaches her clients how to live the life they desire and “live free”, but she also teaches those that aspire to become professional coaches how to do so, passionately and professionally.


Contact info: 

(805) 710-2513 

info@turningleavesrecovery.com 

turningleavesrecovery@gmail.com 

https://www.turningleavesrecovery.com/ 

https://liveforyourself.teachable.com/p/home 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCFPDsRN_ugB7Ll23pT5i6IQ

https://www.instagram.com/iamtriciaparido/ 

https://www.facebook.com/tricia.parido/

https://www.facebook.com/turningleavesrecovery2015/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/tricia-parido-24955616/ 

BOOK TIME WITH ME 

https://go.oncehub.com/MeetwithTriciaParido 

https://go.oncehub.com/LifeRecoveryTimewithTriciaParido

About the Host:

Melissa is an Integrative Health Practitioner helping people get to the root cause of their health issues.  Melissa neither diagnoses nor cures but helps bring your body back into balance by helping discover your “toxic load” and then removing the toxins. Melissa offers functional medicine lab testing that helps you “see inside” to know exactly what is going on, and then provides a personalized wellness protocol using natural herbs and supplements.   Melissa’s business is 100% virtual – the lab tests are mailed directly to your home and she specializes in holding your hand and guiding the way to healing so that you don’t have to figure it all out on your own. 

Melissa is the winner of the 2021 Quality Care Award by Business From The Heart and is also the recipient of the Alignable “Local Business Person of the Year “Award 2022 for Whistler. 

Melissa has been featured at a number of Health & Wellness Summits, such as the Health, Wealth & Wisdom Summit, The Power To Profit Summit, The Feel Fan-freaking-tas-tic Summit, the Aim Higher Summit, and many more!  She has also guested on over 60 different podcasts teaching people about the importance of prioritizing our health and how to get get started. 

 

www.yourguidedhealthjourney.com

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melissadeally/

FB: https://www.facebook.com/Guidedhealthjourney

Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/guidedhealthjourney/

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTYG85CdWUA5MZ0NDCs-Z3Q/videos

 

Thanks for listening!

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Transcripts

Melissa Deally:

Imagine getting up every day full of energy is

Melissa Deally:

if you were in your 20s. Again, what would that be like? What

Melissa Deally:

would that be worth to

Melissa Deally:

you? What is your health worth to you? Think about it. Your

Melissa Deally:

health isn't everything. But without it, everything else is

Melissa Deally:

nothing. And yet too many of us are taking it for granted until

Melissa Deally:

something goes wrong. No one wakes up hoping to be diagnosed

Melissa Deally:

with a disease or chronic illness. And yet, we've never

Melissa Deally:

been taught how to be proactive in our health through our school

Melissa Deally:

system, or public health. As a registered health coach and

Melissa Deally:

integrative health practitioner, I believe it is time this

Melissa Deally:

information is made available to everyone. Combining new

Melissa Deally:

knowledge around your health and the ability to do my functional

Melissa Deally:

medicine lab tests in the comfort of your own home will

Melissa Deally:

allow you to optimize your health for today and all your

Melissa Deally:

tomorrow's don't wait for your wake up call.

Melissa Deally:

Welcome back to the don't wait for your wake up call podcast.

Melissa Deally:

I'm your host, Melissa Daly and excited to bring you another

Melissa Deally:

wonderful guest today. Today I have with me Tricia purrito, a

Melissa Deally:

wonderful colleague and friend of mine. Welcome, Tricia,

Tricia Parido:

thank you so much for having me. I am so excited

Tricia Parido:

to be here.

Melissa Deally:

I'm excited to do this podcast with you as

Melissa Deally:

well. And to introduce you to the audience, Tricia purrito is

Melissa Deally:

a recovery lifestyle enthusiast speaker and published writer.

Melissa Deally:

She is a nationally certified life coach and international

Melissa Deally:

master addictions specialist and a professional life

Melissa Deally:

interventionist with a psych degree in process behavioral and

Melissa Deally:

chemical addiction, who loves to help changing lives,

Melissa Deally:

specializing in life transitions and post treatment journeys.

Melissa Deally:

Perito is ever committed to serving her clients worldwide,

Melissa Deally:

find the emotional intelligence they need to conquer their life

Melissa Deally:

challenges. And as you can see, I'm reading your bio there that

Melissa Deally:

refers to you by last name, which I never do. You're a

Melissa Deally:

Trisha to me. So I know, what I love about you so so much is

Melissa Deally:

that you truly walk your talk, and you have been there. And you

Melissa Deally:

have found your way out of the mass that I would love for you

Melissa Deally:

to share your story because it's incredibly inspiring. And it

Melissa Deally:

helps others know that they can do it too. Right?

Unknown:

You know, Yeah, cuz I totally, seriously, I'm telling

Unknown:

everybody here, if I can do it, you can do it. Because I mean,

Unknown:

my journey started at the age age of four. And it was very

Unknown:

split. So half of it was super awesome and amazing, right? This

Unknown:

this, this young child who is reading, writing, doing

Unknown:

arithmetic, playing chess, playing classical piano,

Unknown:

competitively swimming at six and a half years old, right,

Unknown:

like, just great things and but on the other half also was a

Unknown:

four year old who already felt that they they had to keep

Unknown:

things secret, that they had to hide things shove their thoughts

Unknown:

and opinions and feelings and emotions down and shut them

Unknown:

down. Because at the age of four, I experienced my first

Unknown:

sexual assault. And I also experienced or witnessed my dad

Unknown:

being struck by lightning. So trauma for me started at a very

Unknown:

young age. And, and then in that was, you know, how I was

Unknown:

receiving my environment and I was receiving my environment in

Unknown:

a very skewed way, even at that young age. And I think a lot of

Unknown:

it's because I am very intuitive. Didn't know that, of

Unknown:

course then but, you know, fast forward through a lot of years

Unknown:

of, of, you know, just regular sibling teasing, but

Unknown:

internalizing it in a way that actually is an it became an

Unknown:

alignment to what was reality. And that to shed a little light

Unknown:

there because I know I'm speaking a little ambiguous, but

Unknown:

you know, my siblings would tease me that you know, that I

Unknown:

belong down the street to the neighbor, because I didn't look

Unknown:

like them or that I was I was a milkman, baby or, you know,

Unknown:

something along those lines. Because I did look very

Unknown:

different. And, and my, my, you know, my skin color was very

Unknown:

dark. And, and, you know, I just, I just looked different. I

Unknown:

was different. And and, you know, at a certain point in my

Unknown:

life when I when I got pregnant with my son, I found out that

Unknown:

well they were right all along. And there was a reason why I

Unknown:

never truly felt like I felt fit in and that's because I did have

Unknown:

a different father. And, and but we were all raised in the same

Unknown:

household. So anyway, so that's like early childhood for me, but

Unknown:

you know, when I was 12 So we're getting into that adolescent

Unknown:

space. You know, my dad was killed in a in a tragic

Unknown:

accident. And so we go back to that modeling of what was being

Unknown:

presented to me. So you know, there was the shoving down

Unknown:

hiding, put on the pretty face. Don't tell anybody anything

Unknown:

negative or bad. Always show the good. But then when my dad was

Unknown:

killed, it's like, how are these people still holding this up?

Unknown:

Like, how are they smiling? Like, I was going? I don't get

Unknown:

it. I don't I don't understand. So I'm looking around the room.

Unknown:

And being the intuitive I was, they were all drinking and

Unknown:

smoking. So what did I do? I got my cousin victim, a six pack and

Unknown:

a pack of cigarettes. And there you There you go. Right. It

Unknown:

worked for me. And and so it became my go to just like the

Unknown:

popsicles or the the lollipops you get when you fall down and

Unknown:

scrape your knee or have to get a shot at the doctor or whatever

Unknown:

the beer became that, that that thing I relied on, in times of

Unknown:

death,

Melissa Deally:

you feel better. Right? Right. And then

Unknown:

you put you put your you put yourself into, you know,

Unknown:

this, this adolescent space. And and I experienced, you know,

Unknown:

additional sexual assault, I was actually raped when I was just

Unknown:

about 13 years old. And and then I was stopped by by that person.

Unknown:

And and then trying to fit in and trying to make sense of all

Unknown:

of that, you know, alcohol became even more of a reliable

Unknown:

avenue to allow me to even feel comfortable in groups of teens,

Unknown:

you know, these teenage people that I was now surrounded with,

Unknown:

in various ages. And, and so anyway, you know, and all in

Unknown:

all, I, you know, I've moved through five sexual assaults in

Unknown:

my life, I also was in a relationship with a lot of

Unknown:

severe domestic violence. So between four and 2023 24 now,

Unknown:

four and 25. You know, I really, I really was, it really weighed

Unknown:

heavily on my ability to be a control freak perfectionism. So,

Unknown:

anorexia was a big part of my life. As I was drinking, and

Unknown:

avoiding, right, like always, just always trying to be good

Unknown:

enough. So there was a lot of reliance on on praise from other

Unknown:

people. And when it wasn't coming, like it was really

Unknown:

devastating, because I thought a lot of it as a child, small

Unknown:

child, but that went away as I got older, and I just never

Unknown:

could get it back. Anyway, so I worked really hard on holding on

Unknown:

to my addictions, for a long time. And then my recovery

Unknown:

journey so that's about 30 year journey with with chemical

Unknown:

substance reliance, and, and, and, but eating disorders, I was

Unknown:

able to heal from sooner, which is usually backwards for most

Unknown:

people, you know, the substances go away first. But you know,

Unknown:

when I met my spouse, I was able to find unconditional positive

Unknown:

regard and allow myself to experience that, but I kept the

Unknown:

alcohol and life was great life was wonderful. So my 25 year

Unknown:

recovery journey was about healing those traumas and the

Unknown:

eating disorders and you know, lots of other things. Fast

Unknown:

forward, I'm gonna tell you guys empty nesters a real thing. So

Unknown:

my husband and I have five children and and our girls

Unknown:

really gave us a run for money. So in their in our oldest

Unknown:

daughter's high school years, she constructed leukemia. So she

Unknown:

had AML leukemia so there was a lot of you know, a lot of

Unknown:

connected and family banding together to you know, like

Unknown:

really get through it and get through it positively. And then

Unknown:

the younger one, you know, she she got sick she got ecoli and

Unknown:

ended up having hemolytic uremic syndrome and and had to go on

Unknown:

kidney dialysis right so I was always on guard and so my again

Unknown:

my only release for that emotional space because mom

Unknown:

taught me mom raised me you know, buck up like pull up you

Unknown:

know, pull yourself up by your bootstraps and and keep going

Unknown:

like don't don't ever crumble and so I didn't but I but I did

Unknown:

in those quiet moments still rely very heavily on that, on

Unknown:

that calming of the alcohol because I didn't know anything

Unknown:

else. I learned it at 12 I didn't know anything else. I was

Unknown:

never taught effective coping skills. There was no emotion

Unknown:

regulation or distress tolerance taught in my home. And it

Unknown:

certainly wasn't coming at school. So when you know when

Unknown:

when the kids started moving out, which most of them were

Unknown:

gone all at once. The Empty Nest is a real thing. And then so you

Unknown:

cover that ad that empty nest with having had a full

Unknown:

hysterectomy at 29 and not being able to do hormone replacement.

Unknown:

And really just being in this odd transitional space, I

Unknown:

developed generalized anxiety disorder. And my medical

Unknown:

provider who knew I was a daily drinker.

Unknown:

She was a good friend, she taught her everything that was

Unknown:

wrong with our with our daughters. But anyway, she

Unknown:

prescribed Xanax, knowing I was a daily drinker for my anxiety,

Unknown:

which seems harmless enough, but but it's not. It's really

Unknown:

dangerous. And then it was prescribed to me over the course

Unknown:

of five years. And so slowly but surely over those five years,

Unknown:

what happened was I formulated a physiological addiction to both

Unknown:

and they are actually synergistic, right, like they

Unknown:

exacerbate each other. So you know, you get to the end where I

Unknown:

decided, you know, gosh, enough is enough my body, I can feel my

Unknown:

liver, I can feel my liver working at night. I can feel all

Unknown:

four chambers of my heart beating is this is not good.

Unknown:

Like I don't want to go out like my grandmother did was cirrhosis

Unknown:

of the liver. So I checked myself in because I knew detox

Unknown:

from alcohol detox from I didn't know detox from benzos was

Unknown:

dangerous, but I sure learned that real quick. But I knew I

Unknown:

needed to be monitored, because my blood pressure was off, you

Unknown:

know, everything else. So I went to, you know, I researched I

Unknown:

found a program that spoke my language. And I'm going to tell

Unknown:

you a story of somebody that goes into detox and treatment in

Unknown:

a way that nobody ever does. Because I showed up sober and

Unknown:

showed him sober. I planned it, I spent two months getting to

Unknown:

know the staff, and the programs that I knew what to expect. And

Unknown:

it was all planned out. And you know, very much true Trisha

Unknown:

style, right? It had to be perfect from start to finish.

Unknown:

And it had to go in the very timeframe. And if anything was

Unknown:

going to happen, I was going to overachieve not under achieve.

Unknown:

So I I accomplished my seven to 10 day detox in three days, and

Unknown:

those kinds of things. And and then I you know, and it was it

Unknown:

was great. It was wonderful for for what I needed in that space.

Unknown:

But then I went home, and the discharge plan was a and weekly

Unknown:

therapy. Well, where I lived at the time, because I was also you

Unknown:

know, in a in a whole different county where I went to

Unknown:

treatment, but I went home, the age didn't even exist in my, in

Unknown:

my community, I would have had to go to counties or two cities

Unknown:

over. And I I tried, I really did, but I didn't even fit in

Unknown:

right there is just, it just didn't work. Right. And so I

Unknown:

found a women's group, it was just a bunch of us women, you

Unknown:

know, talking about whatever, we all had families and kids or

Unknown:

whatever, we all had our own issues and problems. And and

Unknown:

that was my support group. But in that I went to school. And so

Unknown:

I became my first client, I literally was my first client.

Unknown:

So Melissa says I eat sleep, breathe and actually walk the

Unknown:

walk of what I teach, even though it's been nine years. I

Unknown:

since I since I've been doing this practice, and I absolutely

Unknown:

am still in it every day. So I went to school and I started

Unknown:

learning, you know, everything I heard about, you know,

Unknown:

addiction. So physiological effects of drugs and alcohol on

Unknown:

the body, right was glass number one. And and I, you know, got my

Unknown:

certification to be an addiction treatment counselor identified

Unknown:

in that space that I am more suited to be a coach found an

Unknown:

accredited, again, I emphasize the word accredited coaching

Unknown:

program for for addiction. That was very extensive, and also

Unknown:

went on to get my psych degree where I studied process

Unknown:

behavioral and chemical addiction. And and so all of

Unknown:

those three things combined. I'm learning and I'm learning and

Unknown:

I'm learning and I'm like, Okay, so I'm learning all of these

Unknown:

methods and modalities and tactics and things like that,

Unknown:

that as practitioners, they teach us to talk about with our

Unknown:

clients, as a counselor or a therapist or a psych, right. But

Unknown:

the cool part was because I wanted to be a coach, I got to

Unknown:

say, we need to know because I remember I sat in all of those

Unknown:

rooms, I sat in, you know, in all the meetings and the groups

Unknown:

and the therapy and you know, the counseling, and nobody was

Unknown:

teaching me how to implement it in my life. They were talking

Unknown:

around it. So when I was in school, and I was

Melissa Deally:

really telling you what to do, but then not the

Melissa Deally:

house. Right? It won't

Unknown:

even you don't need to consider it. Right because

Unknown:

it's very, very gentle. Yeah, it's

Unknown:

very gentle. You say it's, well how about this? You should?

Unknown:

Yeah, let's try that or consider Yeah, anyway, it's different.

Unknown:

They they educate you, but they don't tell you what you need to

Unknown:

do. So I figured out I converted it all to a coaching model so

Unknown:

that I can actually look During the practical application of

Unknown:

psychological tactics, I did it in my life first. And then I

Unknown:

spent a lot of time learning how to, you know, with other people,

Unknown:

like because I can't teach you how I did it, but I sure as heck

Unknown:

now, where I'm at can can help you help you figure out how to

Unknown:

add, edit, delete, change def more, make it your own for your

Unknown:

life. And then we figure out together what is that practical

Unknown:

application going to be for you? And and so we come out with, you

Unknown:

know, we know ourselves. Anyway, so So that was my journey. That

Unknown:

is That is how I ended up launching my practice. And or

Unknown:

creating it should I say, and that's, that's my story. Don't

Unknown:

look back.

Melissa Deally:

Keep going forward. But I saw a recent post

Melissa Deally:

of yours on social media. And you just mentioned in that post

Melissa Deally:

about the moment you decided to love yourself. So talk to me

Melissa Deally:

about that moment.

Unknown:

Oh, wow. I'm not even sure if it was a moment. I don't

Unknown:

even know

Melissa Deally:

if it was where maybe it was that phase.

Unknown:

It was in that it was in that because, because even

Unknown:

though I was loving myself, for the mother, I was for the wife

Unknown:

that I was, right. I wasn't loving me, I didn't live for

Unknown:

myself first, I lived for everybody else first, and it was

Unknown:

all seated in, you know how much I could do for others. And I was

Unknown:

always that one that would drop everything and go take care of

Unknown:

it. I was always the hero, always the hero. And so, you

Unknown:

know, it wasn't that I. So in my, in my recovery, education

Unknown:

journey, I really started to figure out that a lot of that

Unknown:

internal dialogue that was about me, right, I felt like my

Unknown:

thoughts, my feelings, my emotions, my opinions, my

Unknown:

beliefs, my needs, my wants my dreams, my desires, weren't seen

Unknown:

as being valid, or holding any value. I've felt very dismissed

Unknown:

in my life. Even though I was working real hard to be the hero

Unknown:

all the time, then, you know, as I as I'm healing on my own, you

Unknown:

know, in my own recovery, you know, I'm learning that my

Unknown:

family doesn't think that I think that I think those things

Unknown:

about me, and so that's when I dove in even deeper, how can I

Unknown:

restructure these things. And it became important to me, as soon

Unknown:

as I realized that it was all, it was all just about what I was

Unknown:

how I was allowing myself to experience my environment, the

Unknown:

people in it, how I was allowing myself to see and experience

Unknown:

myself. And I can liken this to anybody that may know what this

Unknown:

is like. But Body Dysmorphia is a you know, it's a it's a

Unknown:

difficult thing. And I and I lived with it for a long time.

Unknown:

And, and now I now I know how to navigate it. But but you know

Unknown:

when when you don't see yourself or don't allow yourself to see

Unknown:

yourself in the way that others do. Or even better the way that

Unknown:

you want to see you and the way that you want to see you

Unknown:

experiencing living, then other people aren't going to be able

Unknown:

to receive you the way you want to be received. And so that's

Unknown:

when it started was when I realized that I was putting my

Unknown:

negative beliefs that I don't know from childhood. Remember I

Unknown:

said back in childhood, it was the way I received my siblings

Unknown:

innocent sibling this, right. Like, I can see them today. And

Unknown:

we're all well over our 50s Right, we're 5060s and, and they

Unknown:

they don't they, they never at any time really felt like they

Unknown:

were doing anything, you know, traumatizing to me. But they

Unknown:

were but that was my arm that was on me. I blamed them for so

Unknown:

many years and it was all on me. Granted, I was a child. And my

Unknown:

mom taught me how not to you know really say about the you

Unknown:

know, the traumatizing things like frayed of the dark. I think

Unknown:

I shared that with you earlier today. Yeah, right. Definitely

Unknown:

afraid of the dark. But I never told anybody I would just sit

Unknown:

there frozen in my room and just sit there like I don't know, the

Unknown:

whole night. Because I didn't want anybody to know that I had

Unknown:

this thing wrong with me. Whatever, right? So the moment

Unknown:

that I realized that it was up on me was the moment that

Unknown:

changed my life. When the day that I realized that I'm the one

Unknown:

that thinks all of these things about me. Other people may as

Unknown:

well, but but that's on them. I can't control how other people

Unknown:

perceive me. But I can change how I perceive myself which is

Unknown:

going to up my chances of being received and perceived by

Unknown:

others. closer to the light in which I wish to be seen. Does

Unknown:

that answer your question? Absolutely.

Melissa Deally:

And that is so powerful. It is so, so powerful

Melissa Deally:

because I've recently done podcasts, the January 2022,

Melissa Deally:

podcasts were all about slowing down and getting more done. But

Melissa Deally:

in that we were talking about our beliefs and the 70,000

Melissa Deally:

thoughts we have inside our head. And in fact, my December

Melissa Deally:

2021 POTUS podcast, we're touching on this as well,

Melissa Deally:

because it's such an important point, right. And when we get to

Melissa Deally:

that point, where we realize that a lot of the dialogue that

Melissa Deally:

we have in our head is simply not true. It is not based, in

Melissa Deally:

fact,

Unknown:

or the floor is in our head, exactly.

Melissa Deally:

Based on beliefs and experiences, etc. But it

Melissa Deally:

doesn't mean it's true. And it doesn't mean it's fact. And when

Melissa Deally:

we understand that we can then realize, okay, I can rewrite

Melissa Deally:

them exactly as you did. And when you rewrite them, then you

Melissa Deally:

can show up in the world as who you want to be, and then there's

Melissa Deally:

can receive you that way.

Unknown:

Yeah, that's how that I love that you're talking about

Unknown:

that the beliefs, right? I have an exercise that is just so

Unknown:

transformational. But you know, those in going through my I

Unknown:

believe, exercise is how I came up with my life's motto that I

Unknown:

just adore, I adore. And that is this is my life to, it gets to

Unknown:

look, feel, be however I want it to, I get to choose and love

Unknown:

that. And so when I have that model, what it also has done is

Unknown:

it's allowed me to offer it to every other being on the planet,

Unknown:

because who would I be? The thing that that only applies to

Unknown:

me. Right? And and so this allows me to, to stay out of the

Unknown:

stance of a judger Mm hmm. This allows me to stay in a space of

Unknown:

of a learner, and curiosity that, yeah, somebody that is

Unknown:

open to receiving, to learning to gaining to expanding,

Melissa Deally:

I absolutely love that. And on this podcast,

Melissa Deally:

my audience has heard me say many times before, to turn your

Melissa Deally:

judgment into curiosity. Don't judge yourself, get curious as

Melissa Deally:

to why you're feeling what you're feeling, whether it's

Melissa Deally:

emotional pain, or physical pain, etc, because then we get

Melissa Deally:

to an understanding, and then we can choose to do something about

Melissa Deally:

it. But I absolutely love your life's motto. So I want you to

Melissa Deally:

say it one more time, because that was really powerful. Say it

Melissa Deally:

one more time nice and slow, because the audience would love

Melissa Deally:

to hear it. Again,

Unknown:

I talked so fast, and just my life.

Melissa Deally:

Just before you do that, I want to link it to

Melissa Deally:

the fact that the theme of the march podcast is all about power

Melissa Deally:

within. So share your motto again, please.

Unknown:

This is my life too. It gets to look, feel be however I

Unknown:

want to,

Melissa Deally:

I get to choose. I love it. And when we know that

Melissa Deally:

internally, and we make that decision, there's so much that

Melissa Deally:

we can then create for ourselves on that path that we want to go.

Melissa Deally:

Whether that's in building a business, whether it's in going

Melissa Deally:

back to school to completely change up what you're doing in

Melissa Deally:

life, whether that's even allowing your body to heal,

Melissa Deally:

right. Because even that comes back to the place of belief that

Melissa Deally:

you first have to believe you can heal before that's even

Melissa Deally:

going to happen, and you get to choose. So I love all of the

Melissa Deally:

work that you do. And you and I of course work very closely

Melissa Deally:

together and there's overlaps, etc. And I want you just share

Melissa Deally:

about it leads from that motto, but everyone has the power to

Melissa Deally:

experience living the way they desire. And that totally ties

Melissa Deally:

into that model that you've just said. But just dig into that a

Melissa Deally:

little bit deeper, because sometimes people feel like

Melissa Deally:

they're stuck and they don't have any choices. What would you

Melissa Deally:

say to that? Oh,

Unknown:

I Well, I deal with this day in and day out right

Unknown:

with with the clients because it's you know, they generally

Unknown:

come to me, you know, with with something they want to remove

Unknown:

from their life, whether it's alcohol, sugar, whatever, right?

Unknown:

And and so what what they have to realize, or what they get to

Unknown:

realize at some point is that that's, that's just the surface

Unknown:

level, that there's a reason that they have have given it an

Unknown:

emotional purpose. They've given it a job to do in their life,

Unknown:

and we have to figure out why So I'm going to piggyback on your,

Unknown:

you got to know your the why we do have to ask ourselves why?

Unknown:

Why do I want to? I don't know, give up alcohol? Why do I want

Unknown:

to give up sugar? What what is it? What distress? Is it causing

Unknown:

me? Why do I need? Why do I feel like I need to give this up? And

Unknown:

when we have that answer, we need to ask why again. Because

Unknown:

it's never that, that surface, I'll tell a little story, I'll

Unknown:

tell a little story. And I think this will help people because

Unknown:

this is a good one. As human beings, we broad brush, right?

Unknown:

We broad brush everything everything's, you know, I had a

Unknown:

client who, who always felt like the black sheep of her family.

Unknown:

She never truly felt like she fit in or was accepted or was

Unknown:

you know, she always felt judged and belittled. But she also took

Unknown:

that, that same thing with her to work, she'd get in, she'd get

Unknown:

a new job, and then everything would be bubbly. And she'd be

Unknown:

super great friends with everybody in the minute somebody

Unknown:

didn't like something that she had to say, or her opinion, or

Unknown:

she didn't make a mistake, all of a sudden, she was the black

Unknown:

sheep there. And it just was broad brushed everywhere

Unknown:

throughout her entire in all air, all categories of her

Unknown:

environment. So in a very long session, and a very long

Unknown:

session, we've worked it back, you know, picking away at each

Unknown:

cat each category and each thing we'll do you know, when we got

Unknown:

to the end of it, it really only stemmed hurt all of those

Unknown:

feelings, all of that hurt, all of that pain, all of that. Not

Unknown:

feeling accepted, of being judged, all of those things

Unknown:

really only stemmed in her relationship with her sister.

Unknown:

That immediately freed her to, to repair all other areas of her

Unknown:

life, every other relationship, every everything like that. And

Unknown:

then only have to focus on this one person, the relationship

Unknown:

with one person and it healed so fast, it healed so fast. The

Unknown:

problem is, we say I'm stuck. And we can't figure it out. Or

Unknown:

we keep trying we try something we stay surface with it. And

Unknown:

then we go that didn't work. It's like reading the self help

Unknown:

book and then going I didn't get any of the results that that the

Unknown:

book says every one of their participants has gotten or, you

Unknown:

know, going to Tony Robbins or going Why am I not one of those

Unknown:

top five people that are now millionaires because they went

Unknown:

to Tony Robbins, whatever, right? The thing is, you can

Unknown:

read it, you can listen to it. But until you do the work, the

Unknown:

practical application, the investigation, then you have to

Unknown:

do the, the cultivating, then you have to do the nurturing,

Unknown:

and then you have to do the conditioning. And until you're

Unknown:

ready to do all of the levels and layers of what it takes to

Unknown:

truly instigate change, you're either going to be all in an all

Unknown:

out think of that diet that you go on twice a year, once a year,

Unknown:

every quarter, every summer, whatever it is, right? Y'all

Unknown:

know who I'm talking to, right? I got to go on this diet because

Unknown:

I got to drop, you know, 25 pounds, we go all in, we

Unknown:

restrict our food, we exercise six days a week, we get to our

Unknown:

goal, we hang it, we hang there for a couple months, and then we

Unknown:

start to get complacent, we start to get right, because we

Unknown:

never intended to condition it as a new way of being. We only

Unknown:

did it for the surface reason of feeling like we were bikini

Unknown:

ready, which I love to challenge everybody to realize that your

Unknown:

bikini ready everyday go to target, they have them all year

Unknown:

round, that they have your size, right, just put it on, you have

Unknown:

to start defining things better, like what is it? We have to know

Unknown:

what is bikini ready, like you better define that it's not? I

Unknown:

look the way I want to look at my bikini. Right. But anyway,

Melissa Deally:

exactly. It's not the same for every single

Melissa Deally:

person, right? We've got to deep dig deeper than the words.

Melissa Deally:

Right. And I think what you're saying here is something that I

Melissa Deally:

do with my clients as well as the seven layers of why. Right?

Melissa Deally:

Is it's not just stopping Why do you want to do this? And it's

Melissa Deally:

not just stopping at that first easy answer. No, it's going

Melissa Deally:

deeper. So if you have that, what's that gonna get you? Why

Melissa Deally:

do you want that and keep going. And so it sounds like that's

Melissa Deally:

exactly the what you were doing with this client that figured

Melissa Deally:

out that all of the broad brush brush of, you know, feeling like

Melissa Deally:

the black sheep, when she got down those seven layers result

Melissa Deally:

of one person in her life.

Unknown:

So I'll give you this last example. The last example

Unknown:

of why we are the way we are why we get stuck in ruts or stuck

Unknown:

not knowing how to make a change or whatever. Think about how we

Unknown:

greet each other. Hey, how are you? I'm good. I'm fine. Okay,

Unknown:

good and fine. Bad, bad answers. Fine is probably the broadest

Unknown:

answer you can ever give. If you look at the word in the

Unknown:

dictionary, it is the broadest thing you could ever say about

Unknown:

yourself, you are either fine as the as a natural stone gym,

Unknown:

whatever, or you're as fine as a piece of hair that's been overly

Unknown:

bleached, that's gonna break if you blow on it, right? Like,

Unknown:

literally fine is way too broad of an answer. We've got to we've

Unknown:

got to know how to describe how we, how we feel in any moment,

Unknown:

with with a true description, we've got to quit throwing the

Unknown:

word busy at everything I busy. I challenge you to look up that

Unknown:

word and then look up the similar words and not and not

Unknown:

ask yourself is my busy, or my involved in engaged in my life,

Unknown:

quick thrown busy out there, like it's a badge of honor,

Unknown:

because all it does is it gets in your head psychologically

Unknown:

screw you up, get you frazzled, and blah, blah, blah, right?

Unknown:

Let's find something better to say. I'll get it all get all up

Unknown:

in a sermon. So

Melissa Deally:

that I absolutely agree with you. And

Melissa Deally:

the words that we use are so important, whether they're the

Melissa Deally:

words that we're using to talk to ourselves inside our head,

Melissa Deally:

are the words that we're putting out there, into the universe,

Melissa Deally:

into our community into our family, and the messages that

Melissa Deally:

flow from there. So I also want to dive into emotional

Melissa Deally:

intelligence in this conversation, because that's

Melissa Deally:

another biggie. And it's something that I know you've

Melissa Deally:

said is not innate. And, you know, so often I as I've been on

Melissa Deally:

this journey, for the last seven years, I felt why wasn't I

Melissa Deally:

taught this in school, right? There's so many things that I

Melissa Deally:

wish we could be teaching our kids in school to this day, and

Melissa Deally:

you know, reforming our school system, and it's coming. But

Melissa Deally:

emotional intelligence is another one that I would love to

Melissa Deally:

see taught at school, but share with us on that topic.

Unknown:

Lovely. If emotional intelligence was taught at the

Unknown:

school age level, for the very fact that I've already stated is

Unknown:

these things take learning, they take nurturing, they take

Unknown:

cultivating, they take conditioning, if we don't teach

Unknown:

our children at a young age, impulse control, their brains

Unknown:

aren't even equipped for it. Right. But they get innately

Unknown:

they don't have it because they don't they don't have a frontal

Unknown:

lobe, they're still in their old reptilian limbic system, right?

Unknown:

They're very knee jerk and reactive. So if we aren't

Unknown:

teaching them effective, self soothing tactics, patience, you

Unknown:

know, things like that, then then what are they going to

Unknown:

learn that when they're an adult, they think about all the

Unknown:

Instagram application needs we have out there in the world. So,

Unknown:

you know, we have to start with, you know, teaching everybody how

Unknown:

to truly get to know themselves, right? I call it you know, a

Unknown:

whole health survey, where we start to actually look at this

Unknown:

six categories that actually create whole health and include

Unknown:

intellect, and, you know, all the things that teach us how to

Unknown:

ask ourselves the hard questions, so that we can learn

Unknown:

how to uncover what we need to do going forward. Next, teach us

Unknown:

again, impulse control, teach us a different way of being

Unknown:

assertive, because I'd venture to say that that assertiveness

Unknown:

has been skewed. Because it's sort of this you know, people

Unknown:

think I'm assertive, I'm blunt, to the point, I'm assertive, I

Unknown:

challenge you to look at assertiveness as as something

Unknown:

more of an open, honest, genuine, transparent and

Unknown:

authentic way of being. And when I say the words transparent

Unknown:

mean, I'm transparent, always in all things that I do. And I'm

Unknown:

genuine and authentic. And I'm not there trying to pretend to

Unknown:

be somebody I'm not. Right. So we're talking about our kids, if

Unknown:

we're cheating them, true assertiveness, and we're

Unknown:

teaching them to be open, honest, genuine, transparent,

Unknown:

authentic, right? For teaching them those things. They won't be

Unknown:

like me and sweeping things under the rug. Right. And trying

Unknown:

to put on the perfect face or fit in with the in all these

Unknown:

little cliques. I mean, we'll still have them but but we're

Unknown:

going to have a better chance, then we need to have that then

Unknown:

we need to have distress tolerance, again, distress

Unknown:

tolerance, and there are so many things that fall under that. If

Unknown:

they can't take bullying without getting distressed and ending up

Unknown:

committing suicide. Right kids are doing that today. We need to

Unknown:

get on board. Mm hmm. This is real. They are shooting each

Unknown:

other we need to get on board. Absolutely don't have distress

Unknown:

tolerance. I really at least when I was a kid, we used to

Unknown:

just hit each other with our fist, right like Right. There

Unknown:

wasn't nice Some guns and all the things anyway. So we have

Unknown:

to, we have to teach distress tolerance, and we have to know

Unknown:

how to do it. So parents get some training, right? Well, you

Unknown:

know, learn it yourself. So you can lead by the good example.

Unknown:

Effective, self soothing, again, I'm going to bring that backup

Unknown:

effective, self soothing, it's not all external reward, we

Unknown:

cannot rely on needing a bath, we cannot rely on meeting

Unknown:

meditation, we cannot rely on Downward Dog. Because when we're

Unknown:

driving our car, what are we left with our head, we gotta

Unknown:

learn how to do it in here, and have the tools in here ready at

Unknown:

any given moment. And that's going to also foster us to have

Unknown:

the ability of emotional intelligence, or I'm sorry,

Unknown:

emotion regulation, which rounds out us having emotional

Unknown:

intelligence, and learning how to, you know, live our lives.

Unknown:

Because in that, oh, I've missed one, my favorite, your locus of

Unknown:

control, quit being so externally derailed, Mm hmm. Be

Unknown:

internally driven, be internally minded. Again, that goes with

Unknown:

that assertiveness, right. And take take ownership of how you

Unknown:

want to experience living, this is your life. And then then you

Unknown:

can say, this is how I want to experience my environment. And

Unknown:

this is how I want to be received by other people. And

Unknown:

then this is the example I'm going to lead by, but this is

Unknown:

how we bring up our children or our grandchildren so that they

Unknown:

they don't have, they don't have to, you know, I mean, we're just

Unknown:

talking about mental health finally, you know, I'm in my

Unknown:

50s. So

Melissa Deally:

well, I love I absolutely love all of that, you

Melissa Deally:

know, I hear over, I hear over and over again, that happiness

Melissa Deally:

comes from the inside, right, not relying on those external

Melissa Deally:

sources for happiness, when I have this, I'll be happier when

Melissa Deally:

I have that I'll be happy. And we know that isn't true. I mean,

Melissa Deally:

that's, I can't remember the number it's staggeringly high. I

Melissa Deally:

think it's something like 75% of people who go and have a plastic

Melissa Deally:

surgery done. And then they get to have their face look exactly

Melissa Deally:

the way they want it to look. And then they're still not

Melissa Deally:

happy. Right now most guys that happiness comes from inside. And

Melissa Deally:

for too many years, we've also been taught, like you were

Melissa Deally:

taught, squash, the emotion, squash, the emotion, squash, the

Melissa Deally:

emotion. So this conversation around emotional intelligence is

Melissa Deally:

so so important now, and I love that that's such a big piece of

Melissa Deally:

the work that you do, because so many of us are getting to

Melissa Deally:

adulthood. And we've never learned this. And we haven't

Melissa Deally:

been able to process our emotions. And we have been

Melissa Deally:

relying on external sources to make us happy. And that's where

Melissa Deally:

the addictions are coming in. So your work is so needed,

Melissa Deally:

particularly now, particularly now, because the last few years

Melissa Deally:

have been hard on everyone in the world. Right? And so the

Melissa Deally:

rate of addictions has absolutely increased, whether it

Melissa Deally:

be drinking or shopping, or smoking or whatever it is, right

Melissa Deally:

sugar, etc.

Unknown:

So,

Melissa Deally:

so I want to ask you, before we dive into how

Melissa Deally:

people can reach you, one of the questions that I asked all of my

Melissa Deally:

guests, what does don't wait for your wake up call mean to you.

Unknown:

Oh, learn how to hear what your body is telling you.

Unknown:

Because it's telling you what you need to know that it needs

Unknown:

to Yeah, needs zap. Like, literally, if I would have

Unknown:

started listening to my body a whole lot sooner. And I it this

Unknown:

would be a whole new podcast, right? Like, there's all

Unknown:

different episodes. But if I had started to listen to my physical

Unknown:

body sooner, I would have I would have healed a lot sooner.

Unknown:

Right.

Melissa Deally:

And I love that because it's so in alignment

Melissa Deally:

with my work of teaching the exact same thing.

Unknown:

And we get along so well.

Melissa Deally:

Together. Exactly. And you and I have just

Melissa Deally:

recently worked together and continue to work together. And

Melissa Deally:

you've had some great results from experiencing my detox

Melissa Deally:

program.

Unknown:

Oh, I tried to do my follow up when a whole month

Unknown:

early because I loved it. So I'm glad I asked you first, because

Unknown:

I still have a whole month to go. I gotta wait for April. I

Unknown:

was ready. I was ready to go at the end of February.

Melissa Deally:

We don't want to do that too much, because then

Melissa Deally:

it's hard on the body. But I love how you were willing to

Melissa Deally:

step into it. You're still listening to your body every

Melissa Deally:

single day. You knew something was up with digestion, even

Melissa Deally:

though you have that nutritional background. It's not the main

Melissa Deally:

focus of the work that you do today. And so you decided, hey,

Melissa Deally:

you know, I want some help with my gut. But let's do this detox

Melissa Deally:

and see what happens. So

Unknown:

I think that the important thing there to hear

Unknown:

because I love that you just said this. I know we're almost

Unknown:

out of time. But all all of us practitioners that are listening

Unknown:

to this message right now, right? There's something really

Unknown:

important in this because we are not all the master of all. And,

Unknown:

and so eating healthy. And being, you know, a nutrition

Unknown:

coach for people in recovery, you know, didn't make me a

Unknown:

master at everything that comes with nutrition, I had a very

Unknown:

healthy diet, but but it was still not 100% serving me

Unknown:

because I still had things that were in the way and I wouldn't,

Unknown:

I couldn't figure it out. And I just kept, you know, taking

Unknown:

foods away. But anyway, so we all need to coach in certain

Unknown:

areas, when we whenever we get stuck in something when we get

Unknown:

stuck somewhere. And I don't it doesn't matter who you are, or

Unknown:

how educated you are, you can have my mentor, and I talk about

Unknown:

it all the time, we know we can have the gazillion years of

Unknown:

experience, but there's always something more for us to learn.

Unknown:

And there are other people that know more about something than

Unknown:

we do.

Melissa Deally:

And also when we're in it, it's hard to see

Melissa Deally:

for ourselves what is going on, right, I have someone coming in

Melissa Deally:

from the outside, they have more clarity of vision. And so you

Melissa Deally:

know, I still work with a naturopath, even though I can

Melissa Deally:

run the very same labs, and I run them for myself and I read

Melissa Deally:

them for myself. And I read all my labs for my clients, I still

Melissa Deally:

share my labs with my naturopath and book a session with her to

Melissa Deally:

get her feedback, because she's coming from the outside. And

Melissa Deally:

when you're looking at yourself, what have you missed, right? So

Melissa Deally:

I love that you know that that you step into that and embrace

Melissa Deally:

that. So tell the audience how they can get hold of you. And

Melissa Deally:

also, I know that you are offering a very generous gift

Melissa Deally:

for the audience. So please share that as well. I

Unknown:

can always be found on my website, which is turning

Unknown:

leaves Lea v s recovery.com. And you'll also be able to find me

Unknown:

if you just click on the link for the for the for the gift,

Unknown:

but there's a race for that one, because there's only there's

Unknown:

only three available, so you have to hurry up. But or you can

Unknown:

call me send me a text message at 805-710-2513. Push, pause,

Unknown:

rewind, play it again, write it down, whatever you need to do.

Unknown:

I'm very much an open book, that's how you find me, the free

Unknown:

gift that I'm offering is five days of my time. It's it's my

Unknown:

one of my favorite ways to actually get to know somebody,

Unknown:

develop rapport, and also help them get on a to figure out what

Unknown:

it is they even need to do, whether it's work with me or

Unknown:

somebody else. And it's called by light called Life

Unknown:

intervention. So this is again, we will spend an hour and a half

Unknown:

face to face time, we'll figure out how but we will be doing a

Unknown:

lot of communicating over the course of a five day period. And

Unknown:

so there's a lot that goes into it. There'll be a lot of

Unknown:

surveys, questionnaires, conversations and time to meet

Unknown:

one on one. But we're will definitely figure out some some

Unknown:

focal points for you. Anyway, I the links gonna be in the in the

Melissa Deally:

show notes. Yep, I don't put all your contact

Melissa Deally:

information in the show notes as well. And I just want to let the

Melissa Deally:

audience know that your life intervention program is valued

Melissa Deally:

at $350. And that is some powerful work that you are going

Melissa Deally:

to be guiding people through. So if there's anybody listening,

Melissa Deally:

that if you know that you're in the mass, if you are trying to,

Melissa Deally:

or you're ready to start figuring that out with some

Melissa Deally:

assistance of healer and expert, like Trisha, jump on that,

Melissa Deally:

because there's only three available. So the first three,

Unknown:

if you're listening to this in six months, and and

Unknown:

there isn't a free one left, you can still have it though. Yes,

Unknown:

just reach out.

Melissa Deally:

But three for free right now to that three who

Melissa Deally:

sign up to work with Trisha. So thank you so much for offering

Melissa Deally:

that. I really appreciate it. And it's been wonderful having

Melissa Deally:

you on the show. And I would love for you to leave with the

Melissa Deally:

question that I asked every time. What is one tip you can

Melissa Deally:

give the audience to inspire them to take action in their own

Melissa Deally:

health journey today.

Unknown:

I'm going to say sit down and look at the different

Unknown:

categories of your life. And look at look at where you think

Unknown:

you're stuck or where you think you're having an issue and break

Unknown:

it down. What's it costing you? What's it benefiting you? Do do

Unknown:

a cost versus benefit analysis pros vs. Cons what you know pros

Unknown:

and cons and actually get in there and do those y's do the

Unknown:

seven layers of y that Melissa was talking about. Ask yourself

Unknown:

why what is it and how can I how can I see myself moving past

Unknown:

this and if you can can't answer the hell reach out and find

Unknown:

somebody that can help you find out, figure it out.

Melissa Deally:

And Tricia has the great, great place to start.

Melissa Deally:

So thank you again for having, uh, for coming on the show. I

Melissa Deally:

really appreciate your time. This is such an important

Melissa Deally:

conversation. And thank you for your bravery in your own

Melissa Deally:

journey. And then now for being willing to pay it forward and

Melissa Deally:

share that with the rest of the world. And to my audience,

Melissa Deally:

thanks for joining me once again. And I look forward to

Melissa Deally:

having you come back next time.

Melissa Deally:

Thank you for investing this time with me on the don't wait

Melissa Deally:

for your wake up call Podcast. I'm so glad you joined in. If

Melissa Deally:

you can take two minutes to share this episode with someone

Melissa Deally:

who you think can benefit and have a positive impact on their

Melissa Deally:

life. That would be wonderful. Please leave a review by going

Melissa Deally:

to your favorite podcast listening app. And let me know

Melissa Deally:

what you enjoy or would like to hear more of it will support me

Melissa Deally:

in my effort to bring the possibility of natural healing

Melissa Deally:

to a wider audience and help disrupt the sick care system we

Melissa Deally:

have today and make human health a global priority. Health is

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