In this episode, we’re talking about nuance, because healing is not this strict “either you’re healed or you’re unhealed” type of thing that we see presented on the internet and on social media. Life is way more layered than that.

You can be doing the work, and still catch the shade.

You can be growing...and still check negativity.

You can be healing...and still have boundaries.

Setting boundaries, speaking up, and protecting your peace is not automatically "going backwards", it can also be a sign that you're evolving.

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Hey, y'.

All.

You are listening to another episode of the Spiritual Homegirl podcast, where we better self in spirit and make peace with the day through wisdom, education, and practical, easy to follow tips.

I am your host, Maria, your spiritual homegirl, who's also a mental health professional.

And I wanted to kind of pop in and just check on y'.

All.

I know I've been away for a while.

I've been busy working on my life's greatest works, and I'll tell you what that is when the time is right.

If you celebrate it, happy New Year to you.

If you don't happy, I understand why.

Because for me, my energetic new year does not start until Pisces ending and Aries beginning.

So that's usually late March, March 20th, 21st.

That's when I kind of start feeling like it's a new year for me.

I've been feeling that way for the last 16 years.

15, 16 years or so.

I don't knock how people like to start their New Year's, because for some of us, our checks run on January 1, December 31, but the energy runs a little different.

And that's the beauty and the nuance of having spirit and human experiences.

A lot of times we try to force them to be the exact same, and that's not always the case for everybody.

And the nuance is actually what I want to talk about today.

Y' all know mean therapy has been a thing since before I even started Spiritual Home Girl.

And we on year 10 this year, September, will make 10 wonderful, awesome, amazing years.

But I saw something today that said something like healed enough to catch the shade or some.

Hold on.

It was something along the lines of aware enough to catch the shade, but healed enough to mind my business.

We're not doing this yet again.

We're not about to sit here and quantify or qualify healing as something being linear.

Because there's going to be some times where people are gonna have to get the business because they are shady and because people have to understand behaviors are not acceptable.

Y' all know I love.

I am here for setting boundaries.

I love boundaries.

I'm here for checking folks when necessary.

I'm also here for not checking folks to where you're losing things of value to you.

Because a lot of times, a lot of y' all got things to lose.

I do as well.

So you can't check them like you might have done when you were unhealed, but a check might be necessary regardless of healed level.

People that know me off this app know I have come a long my husband one of them.

My husband known me since I was 16 years old.

He has seen ground zero like he has seen Maria before everything.

He has seen Maria before spiritual homegirl.

He has seen Maria before being grown.

He has seen Maria with a undeveloped brain that was impulsive, bad temper reactive like he has seen all that.

No.

And I'm tired of the Internet just qualifying it that way and making it seem like if it ain't this is that.

And that's some bs because even as humans in our own life it don't even go like that.

It's not even that black and white.

It's not that simple.

And if you don't honor all parts of who you are, you will find yourself being guided by Internet memes that do not allow you to hold the totality of who you are as a person.

Shade is shade.

Yes, we know.

Is it always worth a response?

No.

But can it be worth a response if it makes a situation better for your safety emotionally, or your comfort level, or your ability to do your job in certain spaces, or your ability to show up confidently in certain spaces or even to where people just know that ain't the one.

Don't do that.

You might be able to do that with other people, but she's not the one for that.

Yes, I like again, I am all for it now am I saying I'm all here for loving hip hop style fighting, throwing drinks, slapping people, stuff like that?

No.

But am I here for being here enough to catch the shade, letting somebody know that was your one?

Don't do it again?

Yes.

Am I the one that's gonna say hey I'm healed But excuse me, what did you mean when you said xyz?

Because one thing a shady person can't do is explain why they're being shady unless they are bold enough to stand it with their chest and be like yes what I said.

But we know that nowadays it's a lot of passive aggressiveness anyway, so it's not going to happen like that a lot of times because a lot of people can't stand in what they say because they slick scared.

That's why it's shade and it's not direct attacks but that's a whole nother episode.

They'll do it manipulative and they'll to be passive aggressive.

They'll try to use other people.

They try to think they got leverage and then they have their face cracked when they realize that in actuality it has zero leverage.

You was playing with a negative hand to begin with.

You was always going to lose.

So those kind of people cannot explain it.

When you come to them directly and they act like they don't like confrontation, but they'll sow the seed so that you can pop off and they can try to find a way to make you like the crazy one.

If you are a person that does not fit within the power structure and you work in corporate spaces, you already know what I'm talking about.

Because they play with you at work.

They will try to play with you at work if you let them.

There's ways to go about it.

It doesn't mean you have to go off the handle if you're in other spaces with other hierarchical structures, organizations, or even in your own family, even in your friend group, depending on how your friend group is set up.

You know what I'm talking about.

So it's not necessarily you being unhealed because you are catching the shade and you're not saying nothing because a lot of times people will act like they are healed and they'll act like, oh, I caught that.

But they'd be hurt toe up about it on the inside, but because they want to play a facade to say, oh, well, I just, I look, I'm this, that and the other and I don't want to damage my brand or I don't want to damage my image by saying this.

They will be toe up on the inside and will wear the mask like they're okay on the outside.

And we already know what happens when you depress your feelings.

It make you sick.

As my grandma would say, it make you sick.

Secrets make you sick.

Secret feelings, harboring resentment that makes you sick.

It can show up all different types of ways in your life.

It can show up in how you deal with other people.

It's other people dealing with unhealed version or a hurt version of you that ain't got nothing to do with them because there's some stuff you didn't deal with when you should have, or there's a situation where you are showing up with different masks in different aspects of your life, but you're scared to be vulnerable because of some unhealed stuff or some stuff you didn't deal with.

Let's just accept the nuance.

Maybe the word for the collective could be nuance.

You can be different types of people within one person.

And I know that sounds like not really not the cleanest language in terms of saying, you know, different types of people.

But what I'm thing is there's different aspects to who we are that makes us special as to who we are.

And we can honor that if we allow ourselves to give ourselves the permission to do that.

People don't want to do certain stuff because they don't want to look a certain way.

They don't want to be authentic to their feelings, even if they're right or wrong, because they don't want to look a certain way.

But the problem is it's people that see through all that regardless because of previous things you might have done in the past, or it might be previous things that you might have said in the past.

Your brain is already there.

You're already.

You are who you are.

You might as well be true to who you are and let other people adjust.

Last year I was like, you know what?

I am who I am.

I stepped into a new role.

I said everybody gotta adjust.

I ain't adjusting nothing because of the role that I stepped into.

And I know that sounds kind of unaccommodating, but I'm not going to accommodate people that may not respect the role that I'm in.

So I had to make sure that I stood real firm and real rooted in who I was in that role.

So everybody can get used to it and move on with their lives.

And that's okay for some of you.

You might not even be stepping into a role, you might be stepping into yourself.

This year I decided that I'm going to step into this version of who I am.

And everybody needs to adjust.

Because if not, you're gonna find yourself trying to be who you are in certain spaces and you're gonna feel uncomfortable in others because you feel like other people have to accept you in order for you to be that way versus it being like I accept myself.

And if you don't, then that's.

That's cool too.

Cuz that's not a problem of mine.

It's not my business.

I remember in high school one of our favorite sayings, shout out to the east side.

But one of our favorite sayings was respected cuz you're not going to check it.

I love that phrase because it's true.

I respect myself and because I Respect myself.

You need to respect that too because you're not checking that.

You're not going to make me disrespect myself.

You're not going to make me damage my self confidence because you feel away or you need to feel comfortable.

That is what I've always taken that phrase to be.

It's never been about being a bully or being disrespectful and causing harm to others and causing people to respect that are making people respect that.

No, I've never been a person about using your personal power and your confidence for negativity or evil.

I've never been that type.

This is just you accepting who you are, loving who you are and moving in a way out loud as well and privately that reflects that you love and value yourself to where other people will not have a choice but to respect that even if they don't like it.

That is what it's all about.

I wish somebody would say turn that down.

No, you turn down or leave.

Ain't no relationship in this world that is worth the sacrifice of accepting who you are.

Even with the nuance.

Nobody's perfect.

Nobody has it all together.

We notice.

And anybody that tries to present otherwise is a liar.

We've already gone over this years ago.

We know this.

People will try to present themselves however they want.

Energy never lies.

You see through it, it shows up.

It never.

It's like, what did Nip say?

It's in you, not on you.

So yeah, you could put whatever you want on.

You can put whatever clothes, whatever perfumes, whatever makeup, whatever Beijing.

If you ain't got no hair in terms of the trying to do the shades and stuff with the hair to try yourself look more polished.

You can polish yourself up however you want to, but what's in you is always going to permeate.

It's going to be the loudest thing you put on or the loudest thing you exude, I should say, because it's not on you, it's in you.

So it's going to see through your pores regardless.

So you might as well just accept who you are.

There's nothing wrong with loving who you are and your imperfections.

The great thing about being a spirit and a human experience at the same time is that we don't get to have.

We don't have to make one better than the other.

We can always make the same journey at the same time in the same realms.

And what I don't like is a lot of the propaganda that we have seen about 3D and 5D and, oh, you know, I'm.

I'm a spirit first.

No, the hell you.

Not you.

You're a human and a spirit at the same time.

You think you just gonna turn off one, not the other.

You might not be aware of the other, but they're all happening at the same time, the same way.

I have said with things that have gone on over the last 10 years.

I've always said if you could break the human spirit, everything else is to follow.

Everything else is to follow.

If you could break the core of how somebody wants to live their life, in the core of what drives somebody, in the core of what makes them feel special and safe, everything else, in terms of how they show up, even in the quote unquote human, is gonna break over time.

I've always said that.

That's why I'm like.

I just never understood the hierarchy.

It's never.

It's never been like a better than.

And I've just.

I'm over some of the stuff I've seen.

And luckily I haven't been on social media as much to see the foolery.

But it's like, come on now, let's not do the spirituality as a badge, because we know that's BS too.

It's not a performance.

It doesn't require applause.

It doesn't require validation either, because there's people that will do their best on here and they will not get any applause.

But as long as you're happy with who you are, that's what matters.

When I started spiritual homegirl 10 years ago, I remember saying, if I get one listener, I'm cool.

And now we're in what, a Hundred and what, 81 countries?

Something like that.

Like, I've, I've done that.

But at the same time, I'm grateful because it was always about one.

It was never about needing a million people or a bunch of countries to validate me.

You get what I'm saying?

When you know that you're moving correctly and you're moving in truth and light and you're trying to work towards a greater good, you know, you're rooted in your purpose.

It don't really matter who don't clap for you.

It don't long as you clap for yourself.

Now, is it nice that people want to support you?

Of course.

But should that be the overarching mission over than what is in your heart?

No, it shouldn't be.

So I just wanted to put that on you.

All spirit today.

I did not intend on coming back this way.

I wanted to actually come back a Different way.

I wanted to talk about a different idea I had, but I saw that meme and I said, I'm inspired.

Let me jump on Mike and let's talk about it.

But what do y' all think?

Do y' all think that nuance is something where we need to kind of pick and choose when they accept, or is it easier to accept who you are in.

In regardless of what you.

Some of the.

Some of the.

What's the word I want to use?

I want to keep using nuance.

But some of the contradictions, I should say, of who we are exist as well.

You don't have to always be polished.

That's a social media thing.

That's for positioning, that's for money.

That's for all kind of stuff.

Being true to who you are and being kind hearted and being a cool person.

At the end of the day, stand rooted in what God has for your life.

I mean, who cares about what everybody else thinks if you really rooted like that, if you're not, you know, things get hard some.

Sometimes there's things that happening that can shake our faith and they can really do a number on us.

And it's not always easy to bounce back from either.

Sometimes it takes years for some decades to recover.

And for some people, you might not.

You might not feel me today, you might hear me, but you may not feel me on that because you're going through what you're going through.

But all I can say is that the only way out is through.

Sometimes we got to go through it to get to it.

And there's nothing wrong with that.

There's not a waste of time.

If you take two or three years to rediscover yourself, or five years to redefine who you are after a separation or after a loss or after.

You know, it's nothing wrong with that.

You don't waste time.

Those are valuable years that you're spending refining yourself.

And if you tapped in, you know, spiritually, you know, that's where God is molding you.

Do you want God to just remold you quickly like a fast food restaurant?

Just, all right, we good?

No.

Sometimes it takes a lot of reshaping and remolding, and there's nothing wrong with that.

All I can say to those that are going through those types of processes is just to trust the process.

Mustard seed faith.

If you don't believe and you need something tangible to kind of get your faith back in check, go to the grocery store and go get some mustard seeds and just go back to the Bible and find the verse, write that verse down for you.

And I'm not going to give it to you because that's homework.

A lot of times we just.

And that's another thing, too, I don't like about the social media era is that everybody just wants the information given.

Nobody wants to, like, actually enjoy the discovery phase of finding things where it's like, oh, man, this is great.

By the way it goes.

Just look and see.

That's all the faith you need is that tiny mustard seed.

There's mustard seed jewelry.

That's all kind of stuff that you can look for a reminder.

But you also have to tune out the noise because it gets very loud when you start wanting to accept and believe yourselves.

I call them tests.

Sometimes when you're on the verge of a breakthrough, you will get sent tests to see if you've truly learned or if you ain't ready yet.

Have you learned the lesson, do you truly want what you prayed for?

Did you truly want what you wrote down?

Your manifestation journal?

Is this really what you want?

Okay, I'm gonna throw something from your past and see how quick you fold.

If you fold, you're not ready yet or, you know, how will you handle this?

Because I've noticed, and again, everybody's experience is different.

But for a lot of people that I've talked to as well as myself, that seems to happen that way.

That three feet from gold moment where you just going and going and going and going, and you're like, man, am I ever gonna get to what I want?

And you might think about throwing away your ax and being like, I'm done.

Like, I'm done trying to find this.

I'm over.

It's not coming.

I didn't put all this sacrifice in.

I didn't gave all this effort.

It's not happening.

Not realizing you're three feet from the very thing you're looking for.

I think that's a good book to read, too.

For those that might need a bit of a reset, maybe I should do a book club again.

Who knows?

Maybe I will, maybe I won't.

We'll see.

But like I said, there's no cute, pretty ending for this episode.

Except just remember that at the end of the day, with all the stuff that's going on outside, you deserve to be happy as best you can.

You deserve to be as joyful and, you know, you deserve to live life fully, happily, authentically.

And it's okay for others to move around if they do not believe in you the way you believe in you.

And that's fine.

What I mean by that is if they're not able to love and accept the person that you want to become, then it's okay to let them go.

Because if we're gonna keep it a buck.

Some people are fine with accepting who you are as long as you're not too powerful.

Some people are cool with accepting you at your lowest with your self esteem being much lower than what they may expect, or being a person that's never going to get it right or that's never going to be successful, or a person that's always having challenges again, the brand.

Right.

Some people are okay with you being down.

So if they start getting uncomfortable when you start healing and start leveling up and start showing up in spaces where you're not causing harm because of your confidence and we can get into that in just a moment.

But if they start having a discomfort or they start being weird because you're actually being a person that wants to invest in their personal development, their healing, and you're actually showing tangible signs of that through your behaviors and things like that.

Oh, you can cut them loose, them threats.

Those type of people are threats.

Those are folks that have issues accepting change and they have issues accepting other people actually being better than what they think they should be.

Power dynamics show up in, in different ways in different relationships.

And sometimes those power dynamics become visible.

Once you get yourself together, you'll start realizing, oh, wow, this person has a problem with me being confident or being accepting of myself or being successful now or enjoying abundance because they're so used to me having none of that.

Because when I have none of that, they feel better about themselves.

Now again, the caveat is this ain't where we start finding a bit of awakening and start going off on tangents.

And I've seen that a lot over the last 15 plus years.

People will find a little piece of awakening, a little piece of, you know, self, something, anything, self discovery, self development, healing, realization.

And they'll think they just.

The, the, they'll think they got it all together and they will literally use that as an ego badge to try to subordinate other people as if they better than.

Please don't turn into one of those.

Everybody is on the same playing field.

No matter how somebody want to slice their presenting.

Everybody got the same mission in life to figure out what works for them.

And everybody gonna, everybody's gonna not make it out alive either.

So it's not like it's people that's.

It's not happening that way.

It's not.

It's not.

People think, oh, I'm better than I'm.

No, you're not.

Because life is very fluid too.

So what might be your awakening that you are using to crap on other people today could be your downfall of a three year heartbreak down the line.

Everybody has fluid moments.

It's just how we handle them that makes a difference.

But again, like I said, getting yourself together and coming up in life should never mean putting others down.

It shouldn't.

And also checking the shade and the boundaries.

People will say, oh, that's beneath me.

Not if you're gonna holler about it to somebody else.

It ain't beneath you if it bothers you still.

Because for some people you could truly be unbothered and that's fine.

But for those that feel like they have to kind of just accept it in order to appear a certain way, or to appear healed or to appear unbothered, no, no, because everybody got something that bothers them.

If shade don't bother them, but they bills bothers them, clearly, you know, there's bothers, there's somebody, there's some botheredness there.

There's different levels, it's just in different arenas.

I'm healed when it comes to interpersonal relationships.

You know, for example, people will say, I'm healed when it comes to interpersonal shade.

But some people ain't healed when it comes to their financial trauma they go through.

So it just goes back to, like I said, don't feel like you have to perform.

See, certain things can be beneath you.

But I'm wary of anybody that says they're above everything.

I'm like, that's a lie.

Like, let's.

We not finna do no perfection around here, okay?

It is.

We are in a whole different stage of life.

We already know how that's rolling.

Ain't nobody over here just super duper unbothered every single time about stuff.

Unless you bother with yourself.

But again, nuance.

But again, like I said, I want to make this too long.

I just want to jump on here and say, hello, it's been a while, I'm back.

I will be doing episodes when spirit tells me.

I don't want to force a production schedule.

I'm just not into that again.

Ten years in the game, it's like, well, let me not claim the team.

I gotta wait to September.

So let me not get the claiming too early.

Almost 10 years in the game is just like, nah.

Like, you know, so it's just, it just is what it is.

But again, tap in, make sure that you Are, I would say.

I mean, yeah, you can follow me on, on all the social medias, but Threads is my app.

I mean, Instagram, I think Instagram has.

People say Instagram ain't dead.

To me.

It is to me.

It's dead.

Threads is where it's at.

They haven't ruined it yet.

So, you know, I'll be on Threads a lot.

So if you're on Threads, by all means, follow your girl.

Spiritual Homegirl.

Don't forget to sign up for the email list.

I may start doing.

I'm gonna start easing back into email.

It's been a while, but I want to ease back into it and be very intentional with how I decide to use my writing.

I've done a lot of writing lately and I just want to make sure that my emails are aligned with what I, where I want to go this year in terms of what I have in store for Spiritual Homegirl.

If y' all ever see any other people claiming to be Spiritual Homegirl, I don't care if it's spelled differently and sounds the same, please report them for impersonation.

I have been on a take down mission.

If I see it, it's gone.

I'm not talking to nobody no more.

It's been almost nine and a half years.

If people can't do a simple Google search that has nothing to do with me.

I'm not talking to nobody in the DMS because what I've noticed is that people will double down and try to be disrespectful to me in the DMS because they're emotionally attached to an idea and then don't realize legally you could be emotionally attached, but you have no legal attachment.

So.

And then when I do take their page down because of the, the, the intellectual property infringement, they'll go online and get the line talking about, oh, she's a bully or oh, you know, she was shady.

I wasn't shady at all.

I was directing.

You played in my face and I did what I need to do.

So it is what it is.

It's just a different season.

I'm a different woman.

I'm not the same woman that started almost 10 years ago.

I've grown a lot, I've lived a lot of life, as have you all.

And we're just in a more evolved stage going into year 10 and I intend on protecting that however I see fit.

And I hope you do too.

Life has been really good.

It's been really calm and I really enjoy being offline and not really feeling like I was pressured to create, too.

Like, it's just been really good.

Just living life.

Living life offline.

Is it perfect?

No.

But is it mine?

And it's awesome.

Yes.

And I really pray, I hope that you all are enjoying your life as best you can, too.

It will never be perfect.

100% to what we want, but as long as we can find enjoyment, that's what matters.

Enjoyment and safety.

Physical safety, emotional safety, financial safety.

These things are so important.

And if you don't have that, by all means, go on the journey to get it because you deserve it.

Okay, so with that being said, this has been another episode of the Spiritual Homegirl podcast.

My name is Maria, your spiritual homegirl.

And remember, boo, friends, trust the journey.

Trust yourself.

And whatever you do, do it with love, nuance included.

Love, y'.

All.

Peace.