Megan Conner is an author, coach, and mother of 6 spectacular human beings.

Megan is not a mental health professional, but she is an expert on her own healing from cPTSD after a lifetime of abuse. In sharing her journey with others, Megan hopes to spread the message that not only is it possible to heal, it's possible to have a happy and peaceful life after trauma.

In a recent live Q&A, Megan's channel members had a chance to ask her questions about processing and releasing emotions. This episode features the sections of that discussion that focus on the healing power of crying.

Hello, beautiful humans.

How are you this evening?

Can

Welcome, everyone, welcome,

and thank you for joining us,

and thank you for watching the episode.

So here's a question from Johnny Shepherd.

Thank you for being willing

to ask a question.

Megan, when I was young, I rarely cried.

I am 58 now and I can't seem

to control that anymore.

Do you have any idea as to

why that's happening?

I'm really glad you asked

this question because

i get this every once in a

while not exactly in the

same way but people ask me

from time to time like why

am i crying so much how do

i stop myself from crying

is there a way

for me to keep myself from

crying in a public place or

i even had another friend

who is a singer wanting to

know how they could keep

themselves from crying at a funeral and

I have lots of thoughts about this.

First of all,

I don't think crying is a bad

thing at all.

In fact, I think it's a very,

very positive thing.

It is our body's way of

physically releasing emotion.

And there's a really

interesting study that I

wish I'd been prepared for this.

And maybe I'll do this on an

episode that talks about

the fact that your tears

are chemically different from

depending on what is causing them.

They're chemically different

if it's a painful tear,

or if it's a sad tear, if it's grief,

like grief, sadness together,

or if it's anger or something else.

And that sort of is

scientific proof that your

body is releasing hormones

hormones

through your tears.

And so I think crying is really,

really important.

an intention to get

myself out of the habit of

apologizing for being

emotional or apologizing for crying.

I think I hear that so often

when someone's talking

about something difficult

they start crying and they say,

I'm so sorry, I'm getting emotional.

I have an intention to stop

making that apology because I'm

we need to cry,

we need to be able to show our emotions.

And when you talk about

controlling the crying,

I wanna be intentional

about the way that I answer this.

If you're talking about

uncontrollable sobbing and

you can't stop yourself

from sobbing and you're

just crying and crying and crying,

I think that's also necessary

but you're

having trouble stopping yourself,

if you don't get to a

point where you are

exhausted and out of tears

and you're done crying,

then that's obviously

something that you need to

visit with a mental health professional.

if you're just trying to

say that you don't want to cry,

I don't want to cry at all.

I don't think that's healthy.

We need to cry.

If you're saying you don't

wanna cry in certain

situations or in front of certain people,

I completely understand that.

And I see what you're saying

here as well too.

It makes people

uncomfortable and it's not over anything,

it just happens.

Well, there's always a reason,

always 100% of the time.

It's not always obvious what the reason is,

but if you're crying,

that's emotion coming up

for you that hasn't been

expressed previously.

So I think when that happens,

it's super important to take a moment

or as long as you can to

stop and dig into

the feelings that are

coming for you

and the situation that is

causing the tears or what

the situation was when you

started having the tears.

For example,

I was having a conversation

with a friend of mine one

day and she said something

that made me cry and I had no idea why,

because

it didn't seem

like it was happy or sad for me.

I wasn't emotionally involved.

She wasn't crying.

She was just talking about

something that seemed

really normal and

didn't seem like it should

be sad for either one of us.

And it was confusing.

So after the conversation was over,

I went back and I said, OK,

I started crying when she said this.

And I don't have a

particular emotion related to that.

I'm not feeling anything right now.

What did she say just prior to that?

Or what was the general tone

of the conversation?

And what ended up happening

is as I continued to dig

down through those layers

and figure out what it was

that was causing the tears,

It was simply the fact that

she was expressing

compassion for someone who

was in a difficult situation.

And I realized that a few days prior,

I had experienced a

situation where someone did

not show me compassion.

It wasn't even a similar situation at all.

It was just that somebody

did not show me compassion

when I felt like that was

what I needed from that

person in that moment.

And so the tears coming up

for me was me witnessing my

friend show up for her

other friend in a way that

I wished my friend had

shown up for me in a previous situation.

So sometimes it takes some

digging to figure out what's going on.

Why am I having this emotion?

And so now

when I do cry and I have

those emotions that sort of

seem to overwhelm me in the moment,

I always take a second to say, okay,

why am I crying?

And sometimes I cry.

Of course,

we all cry over grief or sadness.

Sometimes we cry over shame.

Sometimes we cry over anger.

But for me also,

I've recognized that I cry

over relief and

I cry when people are kind

to me sometimes because I

didn't experience it always

as a child or as a spouse

and all of those things.

And sometimes I cry when I'm

really happy about

something and when I feel

really connected to

something or when something

feels particularly resonant

or true to me.

I also cry when I witness

something beautiful.

My partner took me to a

butterfly sanctuary and I'd

never been to one before.

And we walked in the door

and it was like this overwhelming,

beautiful, like multi-tiered, you know,

you had to go down these

steps to go into the sanctuary.

And it was like a huge

atrium over the top.

There are butterflies

everywhere and beautiful

flowers everywhere and waterfall running.

And, you know,

just the sights of that just

overwhelmed me.

And I just cried.

I cried for like 10 minutes

while we were in there just

witnessing that beauty.

I cried the first time I saw

the Mona Lisa in person.

I've allowed myself to get

to the place where tears

come naturally for me and

where I welcome them and

where they don't always

mean something bad or negative.

I want to just honor the

fact that all of us are in

a different place in that journey,

and it's a difficult place

to get to where crying

becomes normal and healthy and acceptable,

especially if it's been shamed,

especially if you were told

as a child not to cry.

If you're a man in human society,

crying has been stigmatized.

And so it takes all of us a

different amount of time to

get to the place where

we're comfortable crying.

And that's the place where I

hope everybody can get.

It is really good to cry.

And yes,

sometimes uncontrollable crying is

related to brain function,

which is why I say

It's important to get the

advice of a medical professional,

a mental health professional.

I would suggest mental

health professional first

or a medical professional

who is compassionate about

mental health issues,

psychiatrist possibly,

or somebody who's trained.

That's why I said

psychiatrist because

they're trained medically as well as

mental health at the same time.

And then Beverly,

this is such a good point.

And I really want people to

understand and absorb this.

Crying only makes people

uncomfortable who are

uncomfortable with human

emotions themselves.

This is a battle I stopped

fighting with my family

members who couldn't handle it.

And this is something I

think not enough people understand.

When you are told as a child

to stop crying and when

you're sent to your room,

if you're angry or if

you're experiencing big emotions,

that is a denial of you as a human being.

And it is probably being

done because your parents

couldn't handle their own

emotions as well.

when you're sitting

talking with someone and

you start to cry and they say, oh,

please don't cry.

That's because they're not

comfortable crying.

They're not comfortable with

their own emotions.

When one of my children

would cry as a toddler or

mother-in-law was holding them,

she would just give the

child back to me and say,

I can handle anything but crying.

Obviously,

she couldn't handle her own emotions.

And so it's just so, so, so important.

went to mental health and they said,

it's just fine.

My blood work comes back

with no hormonal issues.

So Johnny, if you're willing to share,

I would love to hear, well, I mean,

this explains it right here.

You got a beating as a child if you cried,

so of course you're going

to feel uncomfortable crying now.

It makes complete sense that

you would want to stop

yourself from crying.

I just want to challenge you.

I know that's so hard to dig

through because I went

through the same thing.

I would like to recommend to

you the book Running on

Empty by Jonice Webb.

She talks about childhood

emotional neglect.

She's done a lot of work in that area.

And she talks about the fact that,

if you're not allowed to

express your emotions in

healthy ways as a child,

it leaves you feeling very

empty and it leaves you

with specific set of

symptoms and being beaten

for crying is first of all, never okay.

And also, um,

a part of sort of the silent

generation and the boomer generation,

that's how they dealt with

crying children.

You either got a beating or

you got sent to your room

or you got told not to cry.

And I think somebody else made the comment,

Do you want me to give you

something to cry about?

I'd get a harder whooping if I cried.

Those things put us in a

position where we were

uncomfortable expressing emotions,

uncomfortable crying,

apologizing for crying.

Those are the things that we

have to work through.

It's been really difficult.

I would hope that you can

find a mental health

professional who doesn't

just say it's fine if you

can't stop yourself from crying.

Find someone who can be

compassionate about why you

want to stop yourself from

crying and explore those ideas yourself.

Why is it that you want to

stop yourself from crying?

And what would you like to do instead?

Is it because you're trying

to still keep yourself from getting that

That beating, whether it be out in public,

are you afraid that people

are going to judge you or

be uncomfortable with you

if you're crying?

And if that's the case,

if we can get to a place

where crying is good for me,

I want to be able to cry

when I feel emotions.

And if it makes you uncomfortable,

that's not my fault and

it's not my problem to fix.

That's the uncomfortable

person's problem to fix.

We cannot be responsible for

other people's emotional responses.

That's not our job.

Our job is to be responsible

for ourselves.

We cannot change anyone else.

so this is something I'm really

passionate about.

Obviously,

maybe I need to do a whole episode on,

on crying, because it's,

it's something I think

that's important to talk

about because it's so stigmatized.

Ravina saying I've been married 30

years and never saw my

husband cry until two years ago.

We both love music and I

heard a song and put it on our playlist.

We add to it when we want

each other to hear it.

that's wonderful that you

guys found this song to, to connect over.

I think that's wonderful.

I too was married for 22

years to a man who I saw

cry two or three times.

and I don't think it's healthy and I

don't think that it is,

it's almost impossible to

bond with a partner who

can't express their emotions.

So I,

I think it's an important

place to get to where you

guys can express emotions to each other.

Oz says crying regulates our emotions,

our bodies,

stress hormones are released

from our bodies, i.e.

cortisol when we cry.

And absolutely 100%.

If you have high levels of cortisol,

it's going to affect your sleep.

It's going to affect your mood.

It's going to affect your

ability to lose weight.

It's going to affect so many

things in your life.

Crying can get that out.

Kathy says there are songs

from my past that bring tears,

not always sad, just memories.

And that's wonderful.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear this part of it.

He loved the song,

but said he'd never

listened to it again

because it was too much for

him to deal with.

I'm so sad to hear that.

There's obviously something

in that song that, that, you know,

triggered an emotional response for him.

That's something he needs to

dig into more.

And yeah,

You know, it's such a human response,

right?

All of us sort of have this

knee-jerk reaction that if

we feel a negative emotion,

if we feel sad or if we cry,

that we should push that

away because we don't want

to feel anymore.

It makes us uncomfortable.

It feels icky.

We just want to be happy.

And we have this social

stigma that we should be

happy all the time.

And it's just not reality.

And I want for people to get

more comfortable having real emotions,

even in public places.

and to just, it's okay.

And especially with the

people that we love and we care about,

we have to be willing to

connect with them by

showing our real emotions

and not just having that

superficial thing of like, oh, I'm fine.

It's not a big deal.

Don't worry about it.

I can't tell you the number

of times that I was in church,

especially just weeping, weeping,

weeping,

And people would come over and say,

are you OK?

And I would be like, I'm all right.

I'm all right.

I'll handle it.

It's OK.

I'll deal with it.

Just pushing people away

rather than accepting their

care and concern for me.

I think it is important to

find people that you trust.

So I wouldn't just spill my

guts to a stranger, right?

But if one of my friends had

come up to me and said, are you OK?

What's going on?

I would say, no, not OK.

Can we go talk somewhere?

see better.

Thank you.

I think allowing ourselves

to feel is a huge step forward.

Yes.

Just allowing ourselves in

our private moments to feel

the emotion we're feeling

and to not immediately go

to a numbing behavior and

not immediately push it away.

Um, just that is a huge step forward.

That small change.

Kimmy Joe says I went for so many years,

all bottled up,

that now I can cry over some

of the silliest things.

It can make me laugh now, too.

And I think that's a great place to get.

And that's what I'm striving for, too,

is to be able to just cry and say, wow,

that something that you

said just really hit a nerve with me,

and this is why.

Or even just being able to say,

that feels really emotional for me.

I want to dig more into that.

I hope I'm saying this right.

Virga Hamilton.

I don't know if that's the

right pronunciation, but I hope it is.

Thank you so much for your super sticker.

I really appreciate the support.

It means a lot to me that

you guys are here.

Thank you for being here.

Maureen, I think this is excellent.

I always tell my kids, let it out,

let it all out.

My parents told me to hold it in,

hold it all in for as long

as you possibly can.

And when you do eventually explode,

don't let any get on us.

That was basically it.

And I got this too, Johnny.

I'll give you something to cry over.

Basically,

what that is telling you is that

your emotions are not valid.

They're not welcome here.

And this is not a big deal.

But you know what will be a big deal?

If I physically hurt you,

if I physically hurt you,

then you're going to cry.

It's the threat of

Getting a beating.

That's terrible.

It's so awful that our

parents did this to us.

I love what my daughter does now,

my oldest daughter.

When her son is having a meltdown,

my grandson, she says,

you are having some really

big feelings and it is okay

for you to have big feelings right now.

Those feelings are coming

out and that's okay.

Beverly, thanks for being here again.

I didn't used to be a crier.

either cry when I see the

sweet stickers decals at my

veteran veterinarian's office.

Yeah, seriously.

Sometimes just, just things like that.

my kids and I, um, you know,

we're on this trip to see my daughter.

We drove up here,

we were in the car for two

days straight and,

And my kids love the Hamilton soundtrack.

And we were listening to it

and singing along and

having a great time.

And I noticed that some of the songs,

this was my son's playlist,

I noticed that some of the

songs had been skipped.

And there are some little

songs in there that are

kind of inconsequential.

Some of them are sort of annoying.

So we just skip them because

we have our favorites, right?

And at the end of the musical, I said,

you didn't play It's Quiet Uptown,

which is the song that gets

played after his son dies.

There's no spoilers here, guys.

This happened back in the 1700s, okay?

And then at the end of the show,

there's a song where Eliza

talks about Hamilton's

accomplishments throughout his life.

And

I said, wait, we like those songs.

Why did you skip those?

And he said, oh,

this is the no sad songs playlist.

And I said, no, forget that.

Put the sad songs back on.

We're going to listen to all of them.

And then we sat there and

listened to them.

And I cried while I sang.

It's beautiful music.

to be able to express emotion,

to feel something is to be human.

It is what sets us apart

from all the other

organisms on the planet.

The ability to feel emotion,

to feel compassion.

When you feel compassion

towards somebody and their

negative experience makes you cry,

there is nothing more human than that.

There's nothing more beautiful than that.

And what a tragedy it would

truly be if we as human

beings decided to shut down

the most human part of ourselves.

That's sad.

That's profoundly sad to me.

Emotions are beautiful.

Crying is beautiful.

I don't always look beautiful when I cry.

But our ability to be human

and to express those

emotions is really beautiful.

Johnny, I'm really sorry to hear this.

You've been to four

providers and they haven't helped you.

I would love for you to

reach out to me and let me

help you find some

resources that can help you

specifically with what you're having,

with what's going on with you.

I feel like it shows

weakness and I prefer to cry in private.

It's not weakness.

It's actually the opposite.

The ability to be vulnerable

in public in front of

strangers is one of the

strongest things that you can do.

Because if you think about

our lizard brain,

the part of our brain

that's hardwired for

survival and only cares about survival,

The lizard brain wants to

protect us from

vulnerability at all times,

because if we're seen as weak,

then we're prey.

If we're seen as weak,

then it's possible for us

to be harmed by another tribe,

another human, another animal,

something like that.

I understand the desire to cry in private.

I understand that being a preference,

and it's important to honor

that about yourself.

I would love for all of us

to get to the place where

we realize how much

strength it takes for us to

be vulnerable in public,

in order for us to show

that we have feelings,

in order for us to show

that we can connect with

other human beings,

that we do have the

capacity to feel deeply.

That is not weakness, that is strength,

100%.

And if anybody believes differently,

I would just challenge you

to go and find some people

that you admire

that you've seen cry in

public and see what you think of them.

When I have seen people

grieving for their loved

ones and they're up in

front of a crowd giving a

eulogy for somebody that

they love and care about,

somebody that they've lost,

and they're trying to make

it through that eulogy

without crying,

I feel tense and anxious for them.

When I see someone getting

up there and actually

crying and letting their emotions out,

I think it's brave.

I think it's strong.

And the reason I can think

that way is because I've

done the work on my own

emotions to know that

showing my emotions makes

me stronger because I can

deal with my emotions.

The people who are weak are

the people who can't deal with it,

the people who can't stand

to see someone else cry.

That's the part that is weakness.

Why is it weakness?

Because you have unresolved

emotional issues,

you have unresolved pain

that's still hurting you,

and it's making you weaker.

Not that weakness is a bad thing,

because we all are weak on

many levels as human beings,

But when your emotions,

when your unresolved trauma,

your unresolved wounds are

hurting you and that's making you weaker,

it's diminishing your

ability to be the person

that you truly are at the core.

That strong, capable, confident,

connected person.

creative person who really

lives underneath the layers

of all of that pain and trauma.

I hope I'm making sense.

I do get passionate about these things.

And it's kind of why I wish I had done a

an episode about it because

writing an episode and then

being able to speak about

it after I've written about it,

then my thoughts are really

a lot more cohesive than

they are right now.

So Margaret,

thank you so much for becoming a member.

I really appreciate that.

It supports the channel really well.

Those of you who have the capacity,

I would love it if you would like.

I would love it if you would

share the episode with

someone who needs to hear it.

That's a good way for YouTube to

to support my channel.

I recently found out that 70% of the

members that came to my

channel or 70% of the

subscribers that came to my channel,

got here because YouTube

was recommending my comment or sorry,

my content.

The reason YouTube is

recommending my content is

because people are

interacting with it by

subscribing to the channel,

by leaving comments and by

showing up at these lives.

So thank you to everybody

who's helping that.

And Kimmy Jo, thank you so much for your,

I don't know if this is a

super chat or a super

sticker because I don't

know the difference.

I will fully admit I have no

idea what the difference is,

but thank you so much for supporting.

I really appreciate it.

McSpunky says it's not manly to cry.

I heard.

And yeah,

that's the message that society

has given us for such a long time,

but let's,

let's seek out more examples in

the media of men crying and

expressing emotions.

And let's seek out more

movies and TV shows and

podcasts where men exhibit

that vulnerability and

where they have the ability to cry and to,

and to not feel weak for that.

One of the things that Tommy

said when we talked on

Monday is that he's made an

intention to connect more

with the men in his friend group.

He said,

I watched my sister and other

women when they greet each other,

they hug each other and

they ask how they're doing

and they give a real answer

and they talk about emotions

He said,

I just want that to exist in my

male friend group too.

And he said,

I knew if I wanted it to exist,

I had to start doing it myself.

So now I want to greet my

man friends with a hug.

I want to greet them by

asking them how they're

feeling and by talking

about how I'm feeling.

I was really sad today.

How are you doing?

Are you doing okay?

So yeah,

this is the message that we've gotten,

but we can also change that

narrative in our little

circle of influence.

And hopefully...

people around us will get that message.

Patty G,

you're not defective if someone

else can't handle seeing you cry.

Thank you.

Never believe that something

is wrong with you.

It's the other person's issue.

I feel like that's kind of

what I've been trying to say.

Kathy White, I agree with you.

I think men that cry are real men.

And I appreciate it so much

when my partner Samuel is

willing to cry in front of

me and express emotion

because it means that he trusts me.

to be a safe person.

He trusts me to show up for him.

And he trusts me to be able

to respond appropriately to his sadness,

his grief, his fear, his anger,

his resentment,

like anything that comes up from him.

But between the two of us,

our emotions are safe

together with each other.

And we're there for each other.

We built that trust in our relationship.

And I think it's important

to have people like that in

your life who you can trust

to be vulnerable with.

Johnny Shepherd, you are welcome.

I have often said,

and I will continue to say it,

thank you so much to my

subscribers and channel

members and mods who show

up here and give each other

a safe place to talk about

our difficult emotions and

our difficult life

experiences and to be

supportive of each other.

this is one of the kindest

comment sections I've ever

seen on YouTube.

This is one of the kindest

chats that I've ever seen on YouTube.

And it happens on usually

Wednesday nights when I

release an episode.

Thank you for bringing up

the topic and for asking

the question and being vulnerable.

This is a great safe space.

We are a good group.

Most everybody, well,

everybody that I see in

here is kind and supportive.

Every once in a while we get a troll,

but they don't last long

because the community

doesn't tolerate it.

TC, thank you for bringing this up.

Sometimes I laugh when I'm

scared and I'll cry when I'm super happy.

I don't wanna assign value

judgments to any of our

emotional responses.

Sometimes I laugh at

inappropriate times and I

do cry when I'm super happy.

In fact,

the first time that I remember

that ever happening is when

my little sister was born

and I was six years old

And my parents didn't tell

me what they were having.

And I don't know if they

found out in advance or not.

But I had an older brother

and I had a younger brother.

And then there was going to

be another baby born.

And when I found out that it was a girl,

I cried because I was so

happy to have a sister.

I felt like an ally,

like there's going to be

somebody on my team.

I was so excited about that.

You guys showing up for each other,

I love it.

Johnny, thank you.

A lot of people did come

over here finding me from

Hidden True Crime,

and some people came over

here finding me from Mormon Stories.

And during the, during the trial,

when I was putting out a

lot of trial content,

my membership grew by leaps

and bounds and it was amazing to watch.

And now that the trial's

over my membership count is

slowly going down.

And I think that's okay

because the people who came

over here for maybe the

shock value of me.

telling family stories or

being the truth teller in

the family or saying things

that other people are not willing to say,

they're starting to leave

if they don't like this content.

And that's perfectly okay

with me because this is a

place for healing.

This is a place for the next thing.

We are not going to live in

that land of trial

toxic family anymore.

I am going to dig in some

for the Arizona trial and

I'll be there for it.

But

Beyond that, we're moving on.

We're moving past.

We're getting to health.

We're getting to healing.

And we're leaving toxicity behind us.

We're not going to spend the

rest of our existence talking about that.

I don't identify as that person's cousin.

I prefer much more to say

that I'm Tylee and JJ's cousin.

And that is a part of my identity,

but it's not who I am.

William, thank you for this.

I can't tell you enough.

The biggest help for me as a human being,

find something in your life

that makes you cry each day of your life.

And then that day find

something that makes you laugh out loud.

And I'm a big proponent of this too.

Like if I've gone through

something difficult, I've had a hard day,

I want to make sure that I

also temper that with some

levity and some humor.

And sometimes it's dark humor,

but most of the time I try

to find a comedian that I like,

or I try to just laugh with

my kids or find something

that just brings us some levity.

I think that's so important.

And thank you for sharing that.

Kimmy Jo says,

my autistic grandson always says,

I'm feeling some big feelings right now.

Yeah, I think it's a good place to start,

right?

if there is an episode

where Debra wants to spend

the day alone just to cry, I love it.

Like if you know that you've

got a lot of emotions that

are just kind of stuck

inside of you and you don't

really know how to get them out,

I would recommend watching

putting on like make some

time for yourself, be by yourself,

be alone,

put on either a song or a movie

or something else that you

know is going to make you cry.

You will be surprised what

emotions come up.

You'll be surprised what you

can get over when you allow

yourself to just cry and

release all those emotions.

one time I was watching a movie that I

knew was sad.

I knew I was going to cry at this part.

Later on in the movie,

I started crying again and

I couldn't figure out what was happening.

and i was shocked at what

kept coming up for me when

i allowed myself to be

triggered into a crying

episode and then i like had

my cry fine whatever and

then 10 or 15 minutes later

i was crying again and i

didn't know why and um when

i started to dig into it

and articulate it i was

really surprised at the

reason that i was crying

and the fact that that

movie brought that up for

me that didn't even seem

connected at all but

You know intuitively right

now if I told you close

your eyes and think about

something that's going to make you cry,

you could all do it.

You all could.

So when you're ready and you

have some time to yourself

and you're able to,

go and think about that

thing that's going to make you cry.

And just think about it.

Just keep thinking about it

until that emotion all gets released.

And if you feel like there's more,

journal about it.

And if you feel like there's more,

call a friend and talk about it.

And if you feel like there's more,

meditate about it until it all comes out.

Because I promise you'll feel better,

number one.

And number two,

then you're not spending

energy stuffing that stuff back down.

I love this Elton John song.

It's one of my very favorites.

Never look in the mirror or

at yourself on YouTube when

you're crying.

Sometimes I do look at

myself when I'm crying in

the mirror just because I

feel like that is me

witnessing my own pain and

then I don't need someone else to do it.

So I don't know.

TC,

beauty makes me cry and fear can make

me laugh because I kind of

go out of body and it's

like a movie and it makes me laugh.

Interesting, yeah.

There are many,

many times that I have a

laugh response when it

feels weird or wrong for it.

So no,

we shouldn't judge ourselves for

whatever we have up.

And

I'm a sympathetic crier as well.

I've gotten a little bit better about it.

about it because i don't

want it to become about me

if someone else is crying i

try to just be present for

them and just witness what

they're feeling and try to

ask them questions if

they're comfortable with

that to to maybe help them

dig into it a little bit

Johnny Shepard, 100%.

If you have childhood trauma

that you haven't dealt with

or haven't resolved,

it is going to come out.

at some point,

and you can't really choose

when it comes out.

All of us have unhealed emotional wounds,

but if you have something

as huge as this that's

still sitting with you,

of course it makes sense

that you're going to cry at

things that seem unrelated.

It's a really difficult...

heavy thing to have to bear

that on your own um so i

hope that you can unpack

that and i can speak from

personal experience i know

how difficult that is and

i'm i'm here for you and

i'm here with you i've been

there and um it's possible

to heal and to move on and

have a happy life

TC, I always tell my grandson,

it's okay to cry.

Sometimes you just need to

cry and then you feel better.

And yeah, that's,

that is a great explanation.

Um,

Raveena, Mama, I Sober by Kendrick Lamar.

It's hard growing up in a

ghetto and it's hard

growing up on a reservation.

Yeah,

so there are a lot of songs out there

that kind of like touch a nerve with us.

And it's important to get in

there and figure out what's

happening with those emotions.

What a horrible burden

society has put on men by

saying men don't cry.

Darlene Butler, I 100% agree with you.

McSpunky says,

I cry watching movies sometimes alone,

of course.

Yeah, me too.

And I used to do the thing

where I was pretending that

I wasn't crying.

I was trying to wipe away

the tears without letting

people know I was touching my face.

And I was trying to make

sure nobody saw that I was crying.

And now I just cry.

I cry openly.

And if somebody asks

why I'm crying or what I'm feeling,

I'm usually pretty honest about it.

I'll be specific and tell them why,

what made me sad or what made me unhappy.

I cried when I found out I

was having twins, happy, scared,

et cetera.

I'm sure that was a lot of

emotions to deal with.

My sister had twins she

had a lot of mixed emotions about it too.

It's hard, right?

And

Gosh,

I can't imagine having two babies at

once.

That's more power to you.

Yeah, when you cry and you're so happy.

I agree.

Every day we should find

ways to experience

emotional peaks and valleys every day.

I think that's a beautiful thing.

cried when I found out I was getting

another brother, lol,

not from happiness until

the first time I saw him.

Darlene, I, I understand totally.

I get it.

Um,

f stokes

says i still cry very

easily i don't think i will

ever stop we my husband's

sister and her husband and

four children in a terrible

accident oh we lost i wanna

i wanna say probably

In a terrible accident,

we raised the two surviving children.

I'll never stop crying.

I'm so sorry, F. Stokes.

That's incredibly traumatic.

I can't imagine.

Yeah,

that's... We have these things that

sort of get put into our

lives that we are not prepared for.

And the only thing that we

can do is learn how to deal

with it the best that we possibly can.

So...

I'm glad you're here and,

and you can find support

and peace and healing here.

Go Rest High on That

Mountain made me cry like

crazy when I was talking

with Kay and Larry about

the memorial service and

asking what music they wanted.

As a musician who has performed at many,

many funerals and memorial services,

I have a set of rules for myself.

And so I offered what would

fit within my rules.

And Kay and Larry came back and said, no,

we have a different idea.

Yeah.

And I wanted more than

anything to just honor what

they wanted and needed for

that memorial service

because it's not about me,

it's about them.

And so when Larry told me

that Vince Gill was one of

his favorite performers,

I immediately turned to Samuel and I said,

what should I sing at the

memorial service?

Larry really loves Vince Gill.

And Samuel said,

go rest high on that mountain.

And I didn't know that song.

And so he,

he played it right then and there.

And I listened to the first

two lines and I was like,

I can't sing that.

And I started to cry.

And I just said, I cannot sing that song.

I can't do it.

you weren't afraid to face the devil.

That was the line that did it.

and, and Samuel said,

why don't you change the words?

And I was like, okay,

if I change the words to that one line,

maybe I can do it.

And then I said, no,

that would be so

disrespectful to JJ and I'm

not going to change it.

So.

I had to have my emotional

journey with that song.

I had to listen to it a lot

and sing it a lot and make

my peace with it in order

to be able to sing it at the memorial.

It was still incredibly difficult.

And I will also say that I

stayed backstage and did not listen to

most of Larry's tribute to

JJ because I couldn't do

that and then immediately

sing afterwards.

So I had to watch most of

the memorial service afterwards.

I had to sort of just be in a safe

space in a calm place

before I went and sang the song.

So this is probably more,

more information than you

want to hear TMI.

Sorry about that.

Um,

too many things make me cry happy and

sad.

I don't want to,

I don't want to say too many.

It's not too many.

It's the,

it's the number of things that

makes you cry and,

and crying is beautiful and it's, it is,

it's strong and it's

wonderful that you can do

it and that we have these emotions.

Like I said before, um, Johnny Shepard,

I would be willing to bet

that you are beautiful when you cry.

I think people who cry are

beautiful period, a hundred percent.

Oh, Darlene,

you sing that for your brother.

It was a song that Vince

Gill wrote for his brother.

So that is probably fitting.

Thank you for this, William.

I don't consider it a tough job.

I don't know what you

consider a tough job.

I consider it a calling and

I consider it a privilege

to be able to be in a place

where I'm healed enough to

be able to help other people heal.

I think that is a privileged place to be.

It's, asked for this.

I literally made this channel.

I literally started making these episodes.

Like I could have stayed

silent and I could have

decided not to talk about it.

And yeah,

I thank you for your appreciation.

But to me, it's not a tough job.

It's just the job that needs doing.

And it's a job I can do.

So I'm going to do it.

And I'm going to keep crying

while I do it.

Thank you, Darlene.

This is kind of you.

Diane Green,

I used to love watching movies

with my dad.

He would often cry and other

family members would make fun of him.

I just told them he's a real

man and he was the gentle and kind.

My mom never cried.

That's very telling.

think that's beautiful,

a beautiful tribute to your dad.

Kathy White.

So, so uplifting to have, or sorry,

so refreshing to have an

uplifting podcast.

That is what I'm hoping.

I'm hoping that this is going to be,

uh, you know,

there's been so many times

when I was like,

I just want to listen to

something positive and I've

already listened to, you know,

like 99% of Bernie Brown's podcast.

So where else in the

um positive and so i just

decided to make it for

myself so i hope that it's

helping people

See better getting ready for

first time support zoom meeting.

Awesome.

Any ideas on how to calm

myself and actually do it?

I think see better if you

can take a few minutes to

just sit with yourself,

do some deep breathing,

notice how your body is feeling.

And then think about doing

the support group and notice.

what feelings come up for you.

And then notice if you're

feeling like tension or

tightness in your body,

try to breathe through and

release that tension and tightness.

And then just give yourself

some affirmations that

you're doing the support

Zoom meeting as a means of

healing and of doing

something good for yourself

and of showing up for yourself.

And just talking to yourself

kindly and saying it's okay

if it's painful and difficult.

It's okay if it's uncomfortable.

It's okay if I have emotions

come up during this.

Whatever happens is okay

because it's what needs to

happen in order for me to heal.

So I'm going to say that again.

Taking deep breaths,

thinking about doing the hard thing,

noticing what emotions come up for you,

noticing where you feel

tension and tightness in your body,

releasing that tension and tightness,

and then telling yourself

that whatever happens

during the support meeting

is okay because it's what

needs to happen for you to heal.

Give yourself the validation

that whatever happens is okay.

It's okay to feel

uncomfortable or emotional,

whatever you feel is okay.

I hope that's helpful.

And if you need more help,

please reach out.

I used to put on Nothing

Compares to You by Sinead

O'Connor and cry and cry and cry and cry.

And then I found Prince's version of it.

And then I would put that on

and cry and cry and cry.

So

william thank you for

this best i've ever been

involved in i need a two

minute break of course take

your break you guys if you

ever feel overwhelmed with

a with one of these

podcasts or chats please

step away i noticed

mcspunky said that he had

to do that as well please

step away take care of

yourself take care of your

emotions come back when

you're ready and if you're

not ready to come back

today tomorrow the next day

next week it's okay as long

as you're taking the steps

that you need to take care of yourself

and heal.

I really,

really appreciate you guys being

here and showing up for each other.

TC, I'm an intuitive empath.

I can pass people on the

street and feel them if they're sad.

And I always wish them good

things as I pass them.

Then I'll look back and

sometimes they look back too and smile.

I'm a big believer in the

energy that we put out.

We all have a frequency and

a vibration to us

And it changes depending on

our mood and how we're feeling.

That's a scientifically proven thing,

you guys.

So thinking about positivity

and positive energy and

sending that positive

energy towards another human being,

I really think people do feel that.

It's how the room changes

when a certain person walks in.

And I think most of us

notice it more when it's a

negative feeling than when

we do when it's a positive feeling.

Maybe that's just me or

maybe it's the way that

we're hardwired to like

perceive the threat.

Thank you for the kind words

about my singing and the Ave Maria.

I really appreciate it, you guys.

Singing at a funeral is

never going to be my best singing,

and I'm always going to

feel a little bit sad that

I can't give my best at a

place and time when I really want to.

but I think the fact that I can be more

genuine with my emotions is

important too.

So I try to make peace with that.

William,

I'm trying to make my peace

with what I saw in the Daybell case.

I'm now 30 miles from Moscow

and the Idaho four.

I definitely need help

getting through this.

This is, this is the right place, William.

Thank you for being here.

Um,

so tough to unpack

watching people be so cruel

to other people and the

outcome and the ripple

effect of all of the

victims living and dead.

It's such difficult work to do.

All I can say is that we're

a supportive place and I try to

talk people through my

healing journey because I'm

hoping that it will help

other people have some tools.

I also think that talking

out loud about it is really

important if you have a

person that you can talk to

about what feelings are

coming up for you.

And if you need a

professional therapist

because you have trauma,

I think that's important to

do that work too,

but just finding a friend or a community

that you can talk with your

talk with about your feelings is a really,

really important place to start.

And being here in the chat

is a great place to start.

So I'm glad you're here.

Hormone replacement therapy

has a lot to do with

emotional release and crying.

Our emotions have a big role to play.

Sorry,

our hormones have a big role to play

in what emotions we're feeling.

And that's not just for women.