Shownotes
Get ready for an insightful conversation with our special guest, Bob Wheeler. He will present an enlightening framework to enhance our decision-making process: the Four W's: What? Why? Why? What?
Dive deep with us as Bob teaches us to explore the depths of our desires, understand the core of our motivations, and confront the barriers that hold us back from achieving them. Whether you're contemplating life-changing decisions or everyday choices, this episode promises to equip you with a non-threatening way to evaluate what truly drives you.
Join me, Tiffany Grant, as we unravel the maze of wants and wishes and discover the power of intentionality in shaping our financial independence and personal fulfillment. Prepare to challenge your intrinsic motivations and align your aspirations with your values, all here on Money Talk with Tiff.
About Our Guest
Bob Wheeler, a CPA and somatic therapist, merges financial expertise with emotional insight in his approach to personal finance. Author of "The Money Nerve: Navigating the Emotions of Money," Bob explores the psychological aspects of money management, aiming to guide individuals toward financial freedom. He hosts the "Money You Should Ask" podcast, sharing personal finance tips and stories from various guests. Bob also leads seminars internationally, focusing on Radical Abundance and Money at its CORE, drawing from his certification in ‘CORE Energetics’ and Radical Aliveness.
In addition to his professional pursuits, Bob has a passion for standup comedy, blending humor with financial advice. He serves as the CFO for The World Famous Comedy Store in West Hollywood and La Jolla, California. A graduate of Rhodes College, Bob's adventurous spirit has taken him to high altitudes around the world, including Mt. Kilimanjaro and the Everest Base Camp.
Connect with Bob
Website: https://themoneynerve.com/
Email: info@themoneynerve.com
Facebook: The Money Nerve
Instagram: @moneyyoushouldask
Instagram: @bobwheelerr
Connect with Tiffany
Website: https://www.moneytalkwitht.com
Facebook: Money Talk With Tiff
Twitter: @moneytalkwitht
Instagram: @moneytalkwitht
LinkedIn: Tiffany Grant
YouTube: Money Talk With Tiff
Pinterest: @moneytalkwitht
TikTok: @moneytalkwitht
Timestamps
[00:00] Understanding motivations is key to achieving goals.
[05:32] Seeking benefit and joy in self-care.
[06:18] Internal payoff is crucial for intrinsic motivation.
[09:34] Accountant weighs cost and benefit of actions.
[13:42] Excited about newfound clarity and direction.
Key Themes
- Asking the Four W's framework.
- Importance of intrinsic motivation.
- Exploring personal wants and desires.
- Analyzing reasons behind personal goals.
- Identifying obstacles to achieving objectives.
- Willingness to act for goals.
- Aligning actions with personal values.
Copyright 2024 Tiffany Grant
This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis:
Chartable - https://chartable.com/privacy
Transcripts
You know what it is. That's right. It's time to talk money with your money,
Speaker:nerd and financial coach. Now tighten those purse strings
Speaker:and open those ears. It's the money talk with Tiff
Speaker:podcast.
Speaker:Hey, everyone. I am so excited because I have Bob Whaler on the line,
Speaker:and he's here to talk to us about the four w's. You should ask yourself,
Speaker:what? Why? Why what? And I just want to say that because it's so fun
Speaker:to say, but. Hey, Bob, how are you, Tiffany? I'm doing great.
Speaker:Thanks for having me. Yes, thank you so much for coming on. So let's just
Speaker:hop right in for the audience. Why the four w's?
Speaker:What? Why? Why what? Why is this important? Yeah,
Speaker:what? Why? Why what? It's so important because I think whether it's money, whether
Speaker:it's relationships, whether it's diet, like anything, I think
Speaker:it's a really great blueprint, because I think we need to know
Speaker:more than what do I want? And so that
Speaker:first question is, what do you want? Why do you want
Speaker:it? Why don't you have it? What are you
Speaker:willing to do to get it? And for me,
Speaker:it's great that I want to have a fancy car. Why do
Speaker:I want it? I want to feel worthy. I want to impress people.
Speaker:I just love fancy cars. And why don't I have it?
Speaker:Oh. Cause I don't want to do the work. Oh. Oh. It's too, like,
Speaker:what's my story? And then what am I
Speaker:willing to do? For some people, it's nothing. I'm just going to be
Speaker:take what I get. Or, you know. And for
Speaker:me, when I ask that question of what am I willing to do, I, of
Speaker:course, want it for me to be in integrity. I don't want to do things
Speaker:illegal, and I don't want to take from other people and create
Speaker:harm. But regardless of what the answers are,
Speaker:I think it's really important to be curious and not judgmental.
Speaker:If I want it to impress people or because I don't feel worthy. There's not
Speaker:a judgment there. I don't need to take myself out. Oh, wow. That's interesting.
Speaker:I don't feel worthy, and I need this thing to fill the gap.
Speaker:And there's so many people, I think, that I want that, and I want to
Speaker:be rich without really knowing what's rich.
Speaker:How much money do you want? What will satisfy the
Speaker:itch? What will satisfy that hole
Speaker:that needs to like whatever it is? And for some people, it might just be.
Speaker:I just. It makes me feel comfortable. And so for
Speaker:me, the what, why? Why? What really gets to the
Speaker:core of whatever it is we're seeking,
Speaker:whether it's financial abundance, whether it's a slimmer
Speaker:or bigger body, whether it's a, you know, a
Speaker:lifestyle, whether it's a relationship. What, why?
Speaker:Why? What is it? I'm yearning. What am
Speaker:I. What am I calling for? Yes, yes. Doing. And
Speaker:I love that framework. And I feel like that
Speaker:first question will really hang people up. So let's go back. Let's
Speaker:go back. So what do I want? Let's
Speaker:zoom in on that a little bit, because I know some people are like,
Speaker:I don't even know what I want. Like, what I think I want may not
Speaker:be what I want. So how do they get into what do they
Speaker:truly want for themselves versus what their parents are saying, what their
Speaker:family's saying, friends, social media, all of that good
Speaker:stuff. Such a great question. So what I like people to do
Speaker:is brainstorm, right? Just top of mind, write down 20 things you want. I
Speaker:want this. I want this. I want this. I want this. And just write it
Speaker:down. Don't judge it. Don't judge it. Long term, short term, crazy.
Speaker:Write it all down. And then
Speaker:take a breath, take a moment, and then go back and start to look at
Speaker:the list. Oh, that's for mom. Oh,
Speaker:that's. My friends will shut up. Okay, now
Speaker:what do I want? And then. And really go through that list. What do I
Speaker:want? And for me, this is actually not just done in the moment. Like,
Speaker:for me, this is a couple of days of process. Like, I spit it
Speaker:out, I look at everything, I think about it, then I sleep
Speaker:on it, and then I go back because I realized, ah, that
Speaker:was for my grandparents. Oh, that. Oh, no, that one.
Speaker:Yeah. That's something that really rings true for me. Right? I gotta. I gotta sift
Speaker:through it a couple of times because I've got so many layers of social
Speaker:conditioning, guilt from mom and dad,
Speaker:church, whatever it might be. And we want
Speaker:to really, like, look at it with curiosity and not
Speaker:judgment. So maybe, oh, that's selfish. Oh, you want to do that? That's great.
Speaker:No, no, take away that judgment. Yeah. I really want to
Speaker:travel to other countries. I really want to see how the rest
Speaker:of the world lives their life, you know, whatever it might be. And
Speaker:so to really get curious about stuff and for
Speaker:a lot of people that want to judge, just say, wow, isn't that interesting? Isn't
Speaker:that. I always go back to this. That's so interesting.
Speaker:And really just hone in on the things that actually feel true for you.
Speaker:Yes. And, you know, I can see this being so simple as I want a
Speaker:nap. Like that is exactly what I want right now. Yeah,
Speaker:yeah. And no, I'm not lazy for wanting a nap. And
Speaker:no, I'm not a bad parent or a bad spouse. I just want a
Speaker:nap. And so I can definitely see this getting, not
Speaker:just for your financials, but for everything like you said. Now
Speaker:let's get into the first why. How would people like, let's say, for instance,
Speaker:we narrowed down our list of wants. We have our perfect list of wants. How
Speaker:do we get into this next step?
Speaker:So it's really start to reflecting what are going to be the benefits
Speaker:of this thing. What's the payoff? Right?
Speaker:It's, oh, well, people are going to love
Speaker:me or I'm going to. This is self care.
Speaker:This brings me joy. Oh, I saw other people
Speaker:having this and they looked happy and I want their
Speaker:happiness. So maybe I'll duplicate, replicate this.
Speaker:It's just starting to find out all the little, what are the little, oh, this
Speaker:is how it's going to pay off. What's my benefit? What's my benefit? Oh,
Speaker:people think I'm cool. I'll get noticed. People
Speaker:won't notice me. I'll have like all, just
Speaker:the, what do I think I'm gonna, what's the
Speaker:payoff? And what's the payoff? Internally? Right.
Speaker:That's what I'm hearing. So what's the payoff for you,
Speaker:not for other people? Because, you know, a
Speaker:while ago, a meme or something was going around where it was
Speaker:like, you know, you buy a car to have other people look at
Speaker:it. But, like, how do you feel about the car? What is
Speaker:the car for you versus externally? People
Speaker:looking out, back up.
Speaker:People outside looking in at your car. Oh, it's a nice car.
Speaker:But how does that car feel for you? So I love that
Speaker:you hit on that. And that's so important because I'm a firm
Speaker:believer in intrinsic motivation, having
Speaker:something internal that is pushing you
Speaker:towards what it is that you're trying to accomplish. So now
Speaker:that we have the what, the why, what about the second?
Speaker:Y, the third? W. Yeah, I
Speaker:think it's important to look at. I want this. I desire
Speaker:this. Why don't I have it right? And it
Speaker:may be right, the work we haven't done yet, I don't deserve
Speaker:it. There are more deserving people.
Speaker:Those rules don't apply to me. The why,
Speaker:maybe I didn't want to take a second job. I don't want to work
Speaker:for it. I just want things given to me. And again, it's
Speaker:not a judgment. We just need to get to know ourselves.
Speaker:Why don't I have it? Because I'm afraid that if
Speaker:I actually get it, it won't actually fulfill me in the way that I was
Speaker:hoping it would. And then I'll have to feel my disappointment.
Speaker:I know they're simple questions, but it goes deep. This
Speaker:stuff is so deep. Why don't I have it?
Speaker:Because my parents will judge me. My parents won't love me anymore.
Speaker:My friends will leave me. I won't be part of my
Speaker:tribe because I'll be different then.
Speaker:And so, looking at that, why don't I have it?
Speaker:I'm afraid. I'm afraid if I get what I want, it'll
Speaker:ruin my narrative that I can't have what I want. There's
Speaker:so many, so many things at play here of why I
Speaker:don't. Why don't I have it? That is deep. That
Speaker:last one you just said, I'm afraid if I get what I
Speaker:want, then I can't keep the narrative that I can't get
Speaker:what I want. That is super powerful,
Speaker:and I've seen that play out in many different instances. So
Speaker:that is a gem right there. Please
Speaker:catch that one, because that has me over here in deep thought
Speaker:for me. What is my second? Why the third? W
Speaker:why don't I do the things that I say that I'm going to do? What
Speaker:is that block? What is that block? And getting
Speaker:deep into that. I love that. So, we talked
Speaker:about what, why? Why now there's another what and
Speaker:how do we step into this? What. So, after we've
Speaker:evaluated what we want, why
Speaker:we want that thing, and why don't we have it? How do we
Speaker:step into this fourth. W.
Speaker:Yeah, well, you know, I'm an accountant, so cost benefit, right? So the first
Speaker:why is, what are my benefits? This fourth one is what's it going to
Speaker:cost me? What am I willing to do? What am I willing to
Speaker:do to get it? Am I willing to work harder? Am I
Speaker:willing to set boundaries? Am I willing to draw a line?
Speaker:Am I willing to say no to something else?
Speaker:And for me, again, it's, I want to stay in
Speaker:integrity, but there might be a, you know, for some people, I
Speaker:might be. Well, I'm willing to put myself above other people at their
Speaker:expense. Right? Me, I'm not. But what are
Speaker:the. What are my lines? What are my lines
Speaker:in how far will I go to make this happen? What am I willing. And
Speaker:for some people, and this is surprising sometimes, and
Speaker:I've had people, well, I'm not willing to do anything. Okay, well,
Speaker:that's good to know because then maybe I can stop wanting it so bad
Speaker:when I know at the end of the day, yeah, I'm not willing to do
Speaker:anything to get it. That's great information. Because now
Speaker:I can stop the spinning in the hamster wheel because I'm not going to do
Speaker:anything for it. I just want it, but I'm not going
Speaker:to move towards it. And so that what am I willing to
Speaker:do is so important because am I willing to give up my
Speaker:values? Am I willing to harm other
Speaker:people? Am I willing to stay with
Speaker:myself? Like, these are important questions. And when
Speaker:we can start to answer these things, I think our life can take off in
Speaker:such powerful ways because when we get intentional, when
Speaker:we get conscious in our choices, we can stop
Speaker:with the stories that are just costing us our lives and our
Speaker:souls and our passions because we're,
Speaker:like, being in our truth. And when we're in our truth and we can
Speaker:name these things, the universe wants to give us
Speaker:what we're willing to name and claim. Oh, I love that. I love that. And,
Speaker:you know, I was thinking when you were talking and I wrote this down,
Speaker:actually, you know, we start off with values and we
Speaker:end with values because when we're looking at what we
Speaker:want, you know, that's where our values lie. And
Speaker:when we're going to the last, what of what are we
Speaker:wanting to do or able to do to get to that first? What that
Speaker:also looks at values. And one example that I
Speaker:give my students when we have the values discussion, I'm
Speaker:like, I would love a million dollars, or I would love, you know, a
Speaker:significant amount of money. Am I going to go rob,
Speaker:steal, kill for? Absolutely not. But that was because my
Speaker:values are now stepping in and saying, you know, you
Speaker:might want this, but is this the route that you're going to take? And, no,
Speaker:I don't have to do all of that to get to my million dollars. If
Speaker:that's what I really want, I can do it in a good way. You know,
Speaker:I don't have to run over people if that's not where my values
Speaker:lay. So I love that we start with values and we end with
Speaker:values. Yeah. And I think that's. I just think
Speaker:that's so important. Right. Because
Speaker:if we're looking at our values and whether it's the million
Speaker:dollars, whether it's I want to be an entrepreneur. Right. And I
Speaker:just want to be able to say I own my own business, and then I
Speaker:actually look at the work that I have to do, I
Speaker:might decide, yeah, I really actually don't want to
Speaker:do all that stuff because I want to spend time with my family or I
Speaker:want to do these other things. And actually, the cost
Speaker:benefit, the cost is outweighing. And
Speaker:so I'm okay with it because once I've
Speaker:actually gone through this process of what? Why? Why? What? Then I could sort of
Speaker:be at peace. Like, yeah, I'm good with not having it.
Speaker:I've actually evaluated. I, yeah,
Speaker:it's not something I want to pursue, but it was a moment of impulse that
Speaker:sounded really fun. And I've been telling myself for a while, but when I actually
Speaker:sit down and get realistic and actually look at it and
Speaker:how that affects me internally, yeah, I think I'll take a hard pass
Speaker:on that. And you know what? Y'all can't see me, but my
Speaker:head is bobbing so hard, like it'll practically fall off.
Speaker:But as Bob is talking, I'm just thinking about all the different things
Speaker:that I can apply this to right now. Like, as soon as we get off
Speaker:the call, I'm like, I need to go through some major life
Speaker:decisions that I've been struggling back and forth. Like, do I want
Speaker:to do this? Do I not want to do this? So on and so forth.
Speaker:But now having this framework, I feel will put things in perspective
Speaker:and I don't have to keep bouncing back. Like, I can say, you know what?
Speaker:I feel good with this decision, and this is what I'm going to do because
Speaker:I've evaluated everything and this is the right direction to go.
Speaker:So I appreciate this. Like, this was really helpful for me as
Speaker:well. No, absolutely. Well, I use it.
Speaker:I use it for myself because I get into situations,
Speaker:and it's a. To me, it's a non threatening way
Speaker:to get really curious about what's driving
Speaker:my desire or my want,
Speaker:and then to get really clear about, is it something I really want? Is this
Speaker:something that other people want me to want?
Speaker:That's it right there. And it's a wrap. No, just
Speaker:kidding. But you know what, Bob? This
Speaker:was amazing, and I'm so glad that you shared the four w's with us.
Speaker:What? Why? Why what? And how we can implement that in our lives
Speaker:to make better decisions. So with that being said, if people were
Speaker:interested in finding out more about you, learning more about
Speaker:this process, hiring you, whatever it is, how could they.
Speaker:Find you the best way is our website,
Speaker:the money nerve.com. That's nerve, not nerd. I'm a
Speaker:nerd, but it's themoney nerve.com. And they can reach
Speaker:out to through infohemoney, you nerve.com,
Speaker:and we will reach back out. So check it out.
Speaker:We love these conversations around money and empowerment.
Speaker:And you can also find us on social media.
Speaker:Instagram is Bobwheeler with two r's
Speaker:and money. You should ask. All right, perfect. So I
Speaker:will make sure I have all of those links in the show notes. So if
Speaker:you didn't get everything, don't worry. Just check out the show notes. I'll have it
Speaker:linked up there. So thank you so much, Bob, for coming on the show and
Speaker:sharing these gems with us. I definitely picked up some. Hopefully the audience
Speaker:did as well. And I appreciate you coming on. Well, thank you so much. I
Speaker:always appreciate the opportunity. Bye. Thank you
Speaker:for listening, joining and being a part of the Money Talk with TIFF podcast this
Speaker:week. You can check Tiff out every Thursday for a new Money talk
Speaker:podcast. But if you just can't wait until next week, you can listen to
Speaker:previous podcast
Speaker:episodes@moneytalkwitht.com or
Speaker:follow TIFF on all social media platforms at Moneytalk
Speaker:with t. Until next time, spend wise by
Speaker:spending less than you make a word to the money wise is always
Speaker:sufficient.
