Are you ready to break free from self-sabotaging patterns that hold you back from achieving the success you envision for your short-term rental business? In this thought-provoking episode, we delve into practical strategies to overcome the inner critic and cultivate a resilient, growth-oriented mindset.

Discover how to identify and reframe limiting beliefs that perpetuate cycles of stress, burnout, and underperformance. From imposter syndrome to perfectionism, learn to silence the saboteurs that undermine your potential.

The body keeps score. If we continue at this pace and burn ourselves out and don't listen, it will let us know in one way or another. - Ali Cammelletti

In this episode, you will be able to discover:

• Understand the 9 key saboteurs outlined in Positive Intelligence and how they manifest in your thoughts and behaviors.
• Get actionable tips on rewiring your brain through "PQ reps" - simple exercises to shift from saboteur to sage mindset.
• Hear from mindset expert Allie Cammelletti, founder of Spark Your Mindset, on cultivating resilience and self-awareness.
• Discover the power of self-care in fueling your creativity, focus, and overall well-being as an entrepreneur.
• Learn strategies to lead with empathy, build trust, and foster a growth-oriented culture within your team.

About Ali Cammelletti

Ali Cammelletti, the founder of Spark your Mindset and the host of the SNAC Leadership podcast, is a seasoned professional with a strong background in the hospitality industry, spanning over 30 years. Her journey from working in restaurants to teaching in the hospitality program and eventually transitioning to leadership and culture focus with companies, reflects a wealth of experience and knowledge. Ali's expertise in helping leaders build resilience, improve performance, and transform their mindsets, combined with her personal entrepreneurial journey, positions her as a valuable resource for entrepreneurs in the short-term rental industry. With a deep understanding of the challenges faced in balancing self-care with business demands, Ali's insights offer essential guidance for those looking to transition from a saboteur to a sage mindset and prioritize self-care for improved business performance.

Connect with Ali Cammelletti

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sparkyourmindsetnow

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/snackleadership/

Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alicammelletti/

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHdz9ufDjzaCDJvTjM96Acg

Take your Positive Intelligence Test:

Saboteurs-https://assessment.positiveintelligence.com/saboteur/overview

PQ assessment-https://assessment.positiveintelligence.com/pq/overview

The key moments in this episode are:

00:00:00 Overcoming Self-Sabotage in Entrepreneurship

00:01:52 Guest Introduction: Allie Camilletti on Building Resilience

00:04:05 The Challenges of Entrepreneurship

00:05:20 Understanding Self-Sabotage in Business

00:09:37 Understanding Saboteur Mindset vs. Sage Mindset

00:12:33 Transitioning from Saboteur to Sage Mindset

00:15:37 Importance of Self-Care in Leadership

00:16:31 Identifying Saboteur Types in Business

00:17:49 The Role of Empathy and Self-Care in Leadership

00:20:16 Exploring Different Forms of Self-Care

00:22:38 Overcoming Guilt in Prioritizing Self-Care

00:24:46 Role Modeling Self-Care for Future Generations

00:26:18 Success in Shifting Mindsets through Self-Awareness

00:28:06 Encouraging Growth through Embracing Uncertainty

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Show notes are available at: https://directbookingsuccess.com/podcast/

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Are you feeling stuck in your short term rental business like you're the one standing in the way of your own success? Does it seem impossible to balance self care while managing your properties, leaving you feeling exhausted and overwhelmed? What if I actually told you that struggle isn't unique to you? That many entrepreneurs find themselves caught in that same cycle of self sabotage, unable to break free and reach their full potential. The constant juggling act between personal well being and business demands can take a toll, leaving you questioning if it's even possible to achieve the success you envision. In today's episode, we're diving deep into how you can overcome these barriers. Stay tuned.

You are listening to the Direct Booking Success Podcast, bringing you all the information you need for your short term rental to stand out from the crowd. I'm your host, Jenn Boyles. As an owner and manager myself, I know how hard it can be to navigate the hospitAlity industry. I'm here to help so you too can have direct booking success.

Welcome to the Direct Booking Success Podcast. I'm your host, Jenn Boyles. And today we have an incredible guest joining us. Ali Cammelletti, the founder of Spark your mindset and the host of the Snack Leadership podcast, is here to share her wealth of knowledge. From over 30 years in the hospitality industry, Ali speciAlizes in helping leaders build resilience, improve performance, and transform their mindsets. In today's episode, we're going to be diving into topics like how to get out of your own way. So let's get started. Welcome, Ali.

Hi, Jenn. Thank you so much for having me today.

Oh, so welcome. Thank you for taking the time to be here. Let's start with your background a little bit, how you got into this industry and what you do now.

Yeah. So I'm one of those crazy people that actually has a degree in hospitality. Right? You never hear of that.

No, you don't. You don't, right?

I went to college. It was always my vision. And so there is. There are many areas of hospitality that I haven't worked in. Of course, I love the vacation rental industry the most at this point. But I started off originally in restaurants in the Bay Area, and then I ended up doing an event planning business. And I taught at the same time in the hospitality program for about eight years at our local community college. And then I worked for a technology company that brought me into vacation rentals. And then I've had this business now for ten plus years, and so it's transformed a little bit. I started off with more of a sales focus because that was really my background, it was like relationship building sales, which fits in perfectly in the industry. And then I ended up where I am now. It's more leadership and culture focused with companies.

I love it. And we met in Boise at the VR Nation Conference, formerly known as NWVRP. I think I got that in the right way. Yeah. And that was a great conference. And I think that your presentation was so enlightening, and I just enjoyed it so much, and I wanted to thank you for that. And that's what made me want to bring you on today to talk about these things, because it's a thing that we're not always talking about. It's the questions that we get in what PMS are you using? Should we use dynamic pricing? And then, of course, all the marketing stuff that I focus on. So being an entrepreneur is hard work. It's not for the faint hearted.

No.

People that have been employed their whole lives don't get it. It's almost like you have a special gene. Is that how you would sort of say, to be an entrepreneur, you have.

To have thick skin? Straight up thick skin? I also had helped with, like, a board of advisors type group for 13 years of all entrepreneurs of different types. And what continued to come back was this imposter syndrome and people that struggled with anxiety, depression. Like, you really have to have a thick skin. And I also feel like you have to have a deep level of faith and belief to persevere. There's nothing easy about what we do as entrepreneurs.

No, no, you've hit it right on the head there. Yeah, no, it's nothing easy. And when it's just down to you, you've got to keep going, no matter what. No matter what's going on in your personal life or how crappy you feel about things. And social media doesn't help because you have to have this glossy image all the time, that everything's so wonderful, and meanwhile, you've spent the day crying in the shower because something's gone wrong. Yeah. Social media that I'm speaking from, you know, it was experience or anything. But anyways, let's get into self sabotage and how it manifests in business and in our sector of short term rentals. Can you explain what it is? Self sabotage.

Yeah. So Shirzad developed this concept called positive intelligence, and he has a great book out there. He comes from a coaching background, and the whole idea is that he outlined nine saboteurs. And so the assessments that I use with my leadership team members start here. And it was the piece when I went through this program, I was like, oh, wow, this is what I needed because I go into leadership coaching on the tigers, which we'll touch on a little bit, but it's the before of like, where are we here in our hearts right now? And let's look and be very self aware because as a good leader, that's so important to what gets in our way and holds us back from being the leader we really want to be. And the saboteurs, I'm not going to do them in any specific order because it depends on where you rank. And so I'm going to just sprinkle them in here. What I see is the highest with the people I work in this industry. Pleaser. And they speak for themselves, really. Stickler, hyper achiever, controller, hyper vigilant. I see more than not with the majority of the people I work with. Hyper vigilant is really anxiety, restless, hyper rational. That can be that they just really focused on what's right in their mind. And I feel like they have a hard time finding the gray hyper rational you might find with accountants. Right. And then victim and avoidere. I think pleasure speaks for itself and hospitality. That's why a lot of us are drawn to hospitAlity. I know I was and Shirzad is one of mine, as I wanted to make people happy and get to experience what that looks like for them when they're happy. So what can get in our way with these and the presentation that you sat in on and some of the panelists that expressed what happened for them, like, just imagine the stickler. Stickler is perfectionism. It's a big one in hospitality as well. And so what happens as leaders is when we are in that perfectionist place, we really struggle with delegation. We usually have strived for our worth through our careers. And you talk about being social media, right? That perception. And so it can be that shift of not striving for your worth from independence to interdependence by being so independent and it being more about the team. And I think that is one of the hardest areas I see for leaders that I work with is making that shift. And the good leaders, you see that in them, you see that they are all about building others up. They're humble. Right. We'll go back to Jim Collins level five leadership styles of, no, my worth is really about how do I build others up to be great leaders and grow and create succession in my company? Now I'm going to hold everything close and tight to me because companies struggle when a leader is in that place. They really do. But it's one of the most challenging things because as an entrepreneur, you've had to be independent.

Yeah. And nobody teaches you this. It's not like this is a class in high school or whatever where they're teaching you. It's almost like our education system, and I'm talking very generally, is quite outdated, that they're getting you ready to get a job. And there is, I already see it in my daughter. She's almost eight years old. And I look at her and I go, she will never be an employee. She is going to have a hard time. I don't know what she's going to go into, but she is definitely an entrepreneur because she will not listen to anyone. So I see that in her already. And it is. I feel a harder line to walk than going out and getting a job, doing the nine to five and then shutting off because you're just doing your job. It doesn't come with all of the stuff that I think of as like, in your head, which is what we're talking about today, and getting into your own. So what are some of the common signs you see of entrepreneurs getting into their own way?

Yeah. So, well, one of them is that I have them take the positive intelligence assessment and it is this idea of being in sage versus saboteurs. So I listed the saboteurs. And when you are in your saboteurs, some of the characteristics that are going to come up are stress, anxiety, frustration, anger, disappointment, shame and guilt. And it tells you how much of the time you're in this place versus sage. Sage is a beautiful place. It is empathy, gratitude, curiosity, joyful creativity, calm, and that's where you want to get. But what happens is when you're in your saboteurs, perfectionism. I am a recovering perfectionist. I know that when I get stressed out, I start controlling things. I was joking the other day. I'm like, you can tell when I feel like I'm not in control because my yard will look beautiful.

Right, got it.

Because I am like hands in that soil and I am controlling something that I can control when other things in my life feel out of control, which all of us have experienced. And so what happens often is we'll try to control other things at work. Right. You're working late hours, you're micromanaging your people. Like that is getting in your own way. So when you're able to learn to delegate and step back, then you can breathe. Like when I have worked with people and I'm able to get them to that place. Or, like, I can be strategic. I have bandwidth. I'm like, yeah, you're not doing all the things. Instead, you're actually leading. Right. You're not in there spinning the plates. You're on the outside watching. And seeing is a plate wobbling. All right, I'm gonna come in. I'm gonna guide. I'm not gonna rescue and take the plate. Because that happens.

Mm hmm. So easy to do. So easy to come and swoop in there and say, don't worry, I'll just. I'll just do it.

And so defeating and unmotivating for your team members, it's like going rogue, right? You set a plan of, this is how we're going to operate, and then you don't listen, and you do it totally differently. We set the rules. What are we doing that's not leading? And I see that a lot, and that will really reduce morale. And then the other part is holding your people accountable. I had somebody I was coaching the other day, and he said somebody had come to him, was kind of frustrated about somebody else not following the processes and just being like, all right, I'm gonna go do this. I'm out. And they're like, oh, we have rules here. And I'm like, have you followed up on this? He's like, no. And I'm like, he goes, I'm worried about my email. I'm like, send me your email. Let's craft it so it's a positive first thing. But I said, remember when you talked to me about going to somebody and you felt like they weren't gonna do anything? He's like, oh, my gosh, I'm doing the same thing.

I was like, yeah, yeah. And I guess it's also, I'm trying to think of how do we go from being in that saboteur mindset to that sage mindset, and we don't all have you to call up and say, help me, help me. So can you talk a bit about how we can go from one to the other?

Self awareness. That's the start. One is to know your saboteurs. Right. I know when I start to become a perfectionist, I'm self aware. Shirzad believes in something called PQ reps, and that rewires the brain, and they are engaging all the different senses. So one that I find to be the most common with the team members I work with is this. For 10 seconds, you are rubbing two fingers together so hard you can feel the ridges on your fingertips. 10 seconds. Yep.

Okay, so we're just rubbing two fingers together here. If you're not watching, 10 seconds.

And so anytime you start to notice, oh, I'm going into that controlling place, I want to take over. Another thing is you can just do this. I have another one that she loves doing, and it's just rubbing the palms together. She's like, I can do it under the table, and nobody can see me when I'm, like, in a meeting and I'm wanting to take control and instead stepping back and asking questions, which is the base of all relationships and leadership. Step back. Ask questions like.

And that. Those hand things are helping you take that step back.

Yeah, it's like a grounding. It's a rewiring of your brain. The other thing, so it's all the senses, right. Another one is to visualize. And, like, I have a silk flower that I'll look at the pistons right. Deep inside that silk flower, and just focus on that. You can use people's eyes. Focus on the pupils of their eyes. I know you might weird them out a little bit, but you could do it with your daughter.

I was gonna say, where are you doing this?

You could do it with your daughter, like. Right. I mean, that age. I understand. And you could easily eat at the dinner table, right. Another thing, at the dinner table, you can chew slowly. That makes sense. You can also listen. You listen to the furthest sound away and bring it into the closest. And then one that we just hear all over the place is just breath. And so you breathe in through your nose, and you focus on the temperature of the air.

Right.

You and I both have been stuck in some kind of heat. So it would be like focusing on the heat coming in. I think of when I'm skiing and I'm outside and the coldness of the temperature of the air and bringing it in. So 10 seconds every day, and I really believe in it. The program that I went through, like, I was doing these different techniques ten times a day. I do like the fingers. They work for me.

So that's some great tips there.

Yeah. You can get to a place of calm instead. Right. And working towards that sage. But the first thing is you've got to be able to notice when you're in those places. Hyper achiever, right? All right. My hyperachiever is going full blown right now. That's what's happening. And we'll put those in the show notes, the tests. But when you go down in the assessment, it tells you the results. Shirzad says you have a little of all of them, but it'll tell you, like, I've had people up the chart practically in pleasure or stickler. Stickler. I will often see accountants as well. Stickler and hyper rational. Right. Which I coach in organizations, accountants. And that works for them because they need to be really meticulous and make sure those numbers are correct.

Yeah, I can see that. It's almost helpful to do that saboteur test. So you can see if you're in the right place for the business, too.

Absolutely. Like, you do not want an avoider doing your guest services.

That would not be good.

No. Victim or victim. And I have somebody right now we're working with that has some victims, we think. And I'm like, you should have this person take the test. Let's see what's going on. Being in guest services, that's where they're gonna go to is like, I'm the victim. What's their problem? They're not going to go to empathy.

Yeah. And I guess, and if you're stuck in that position and you know that that is one of your saboteurs, taking the deep breath, doing the hand rubbing or the finger rubbing and just, or the focusing, taking that step back, thinking and trying to get into the sage. So does the sage mindset, like, is it sort of tit for tat? Like, do they all line up?

Tell me more.

Like, for victims and going into empathy, are those sort of Aligned and then they're sort of Aligned ones for everyone or is it just a different mindset completely?

It's a different mindset, yeah. Shirzad doesn't line them up. That's a good question. No.

What about self care? Because I think that this therapy or leadership training, being self aware, this all comes underneath. I think it's a sort of self care umbrella. And that is something that I can speak for myself that I just don't feel like I always have enough time for. And it just always takes a backseat, so. But why is it essential, this self care, to incorporate in your life?

It is so important. Like, it's so important. The people that aren't leaning into self care, the people that are burning out and getting sick, it's just the data out there and the research. I have my best success story that I've worked with for a couple years now, and she had so much happen in her life, and what made the difference was self care. And for me, I speak from a place of having to do the same thing, going through the hardest times in my life and having to lean into self care. Self care looks different. For everybody. Self care. For me a couple weeks ago I went camping with my daughter and there wasn't any cell service. And I was like, so that's kind of essential for me at least once a month this summer. It's not reAlistic. Always in the high times, and I get that, but I also need to just completely unplug and not have access to that technology. I'm big on nature. I have to get out in nature. And they say, like, increase heart rate for 20 minutes at least. I'm kind of a jog walker these days. I used to be more of a jogger. It just depends. I don't judge myself, but I like to get my heart rate up. And so for me, it's walking. It's gratitude practice. I'm big on 30 days of gratitude. When I start feeling negative, I will always implement that. And you write it down. One thing I'm grateful for every day, it's part of my nature practice. I have a place that I always stay in, and I'm like, what am I grateful for today? This is gonna date me a little bit. I'm grateful I get to go see ub 40 tonight.

Love it.

The other is, I do a massage once a month. Like, having that body work is really important to me. When I'm having some anxiety rear up and I need more. I will do acupuncture. I've tried a little bit of everything. I've gone and sat in a harmonic egg once a month for an hour. I know.

I don't even know what that is.

Well, you can google it. It's out there. But I think I was actually paying for a good nap, really, in the end, which we all need a good nap sometimes. So self care is different for everybody. You know, for some of my clients, it's knitting. For some of them, it is being out, like skiing, hiking. We spend so much time on screens right now, and it's shifting back. If you listen to, like, the Huberman lab podcast, he talks about, like, nature first thing in the morning and no sunglasses. Like having that direct sun for a certain amount of time. First thing is so essential. When you think of self care, what do you do?

Oh, that's an interesting question because I was gonna ask you how we can, and I will answer your question. I'm not avoiding it, but how self care sometimes comes with so much guilt that we're taking, not you. Good.

But how do you present my survival? Like, I know if I don't give myself self care, I am snippy with my daughter. I am not present for my clients. And what I give out every day to my clients is essential for my business to thrive. People aren't going to continue to work with me if they're like, he's got a little edge on her all the time. Right? Who wants to work with somebody like that? So I just. There's not an option for me. Oh, also, hot tubbing. Like, hot tubbing is important to me. I like water. I like warm water. Some people like saunas.

Yeah, well, and that's for me. It's walking, it's reading, it's swimming. I know yesterday I was swimming and my daughter was having her swim lesson, so I was doing my lengths and I thought, you know what? I just need five minutes with my eyes closed in the hot tub. And so I went over to the hot tub and I closed my eyes and I really got into just relaxing. And then the people beside me started having this very large conversation about real estate or something. And I was like, all right, well, that was a nice 1 minute relaxation. But, yeah, I get it. But I do sometimes feel guilty that I need to take care of myself, even though I know it's important.

One person told me once that it was false guilt. And because I have gone through health issues as well, I know that I have to do this. Like, my data doesn't set me up very well from early childhood trauma stuff to have a really long life. It's just data. And so I combat that with self care. And I mean, obviously eating correctly is very important to me. I have food allergies. I focus on that. I don't eat the things I'm allergic to. The other thing is music. Oh, my gosh. Right. Being in live music, which sometimes people feel anxious about, I will always wear a hat. Like, hats can block out that energy. When you're in big crowds where you can just be there and feel the energy that you want to feel, which is the music and just the lightness of it. Some people dance, too. I have some friends that I've watched get really into certain types of dance. That is that self care, it's just them being creative in a different way. That's lighter and it's not so heavy.

Yeah, yeah. No, I love it. I guess the bottom line is just realizing that self care is non negotiable, that if you. Yeah.

And think of the role model you're being for your daughter, because your daughter is going to go into a world that is very different from how we were when we were kids. Right. I mean, it wasn't the plane in the mud, outdoors on the corner. It's a lot of screens, a lot of pressure. Like, my daughter was going to a camp today, and she's like, I'm worried I'm going to get bullied.

Wow.

I'm like, well, let's talk about, like, what's that look like? How do you react to that? But the pressures are just different. And so you show your daughter and be that role model, which. That's leadership. You gotta walk that talk. Otherwise it doesn't land at all. And so I advocate self care. Self care. Self care.

Love it. Well, you've given me a lot to think about and a lot to get on with. Can you give us an example where somebody, perhaps you've worked with, has gone from that saboteur mindset into that sage mindset?

Yes. And what happened was, when we started working together, she wanted to do the work. She did. She wanted to do the work, and she did the work. And now she is a totally different person. She's a completely different person. And her sage shifted big time. Her saboteurs shifted, reduced. Right. Because it can go up to ten, to the extreme when you're in a saboteur. And, like, she was down to three, which is amazing. And she is healthy. She was also getting sick a lot. And that's what happens. The body keeps score. If we continue at this pace and burn ourselves out and don't listen, it will let us know in one way or another. And so she is my amazing, best success story, and I'm so grateful that I've been able to experience that and watch that in someone and see that it can happen. I always can coach them if they have will, but if they don't, and they are in that avoidant and victim place, I will tell clients, I'm like, I can't move the needle here.

Mm hmm.

They've got to want to make the change and be self aware.

Yeah. And that's going right back to what you said at the beginning. Step one is being self aware, which.

Can be the hardest. We don't always like to look at ourselves.

No. And I know that when I took the test, I didn't have it in front of me because I was sort of avoiding it because I didn't like what it gave back to me. And it's taken me some time to look at it and go, actually, it's right. It's things that I need to look at, too. So I'm gonna put the link in the show notes to that test. And I do encourage everyone to go take it because it is an eye opener. And yes, you may be like me who didn't love the top one that came out, but I think it is step one of being that self aware.

And have grace on yourself when you take it. It's not a character attack. Go through the different feelings, thoughts that they outline and see if those resonate. And that's where you can really start doing the work of like, oh, I do have this mindset. This is when I see this come up, this is where the work starts for me to shift it, do some.

PQ reps. Yeah, no, I love it. Ali, thank you so much for coming on because as I said, your presentation at the VR nation conference was just, it was so different. It just stood out for me so much that I really wanted to bring you on. I've learned a lot and so thank you. So where's the best place, Ali, for people to get in touch with you?

Yeah, so you can go to sparkyourmindset.com and the snack leadership podcasts are on there. This month I'm focusing on relishing uncertainty, which is fascinating to learn that when we can be in that mode, we're actually pushing our brain and growing.

Wonderful. I'm going to go binge those podcasts now. Thank you so much, Ali, for coming on and sharing your story and what you're doing and your tips and sharing everything that you do. Thank you.

Thank you, Jenn.

Thank you, Ali, for sharing your knowledge. I've learned so much from you about myself and I can't wait to see you at the upcoming Direct Booking Success Summit. Ali is going to be one of our speakers at this fourth annual event. If you want to learn how to stop relying on platforms like Airbnb and make more money with more control, then come and learn how to increase your direct bookings from industry experts and your fellow property managers. Sign up at directbookingsuccesssummit.com to attend this unmissable free event for vacation of short term rental hosts, property managers and owners around the world. On the next episode of the DBS podcast, I actually have a confession to make. I fell off the marketing wagon with my own vacation rental property with 80% direct bookings in the first year. I'm going to bring you up to date with what happened when I stopped marketing and how things are going today. This is a must listen. Until then, go out and take action for your own direct booking success.

I'll see you next time. Hey, thanks for listening to the Direct Booking Success Podcast. For more information about this episode and others, head to the website directbookingsuccess.com podcast. See you next time.