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ExperTeam versus Communism!
Episode 5420th August 2022 • Expertease Comedy Podcast • Clare Sera, Danno Sullivan
00:00:00 00:09:22

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Is Danno’s old phone still bugged by the Communists?

Much love and many thanks to announcer Moira Quirk.

And our communist, Erin Ash Sullivan.

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Transcripts

Clare: Danno. do you have I in it for business?

Danno: Do you mind if we reverse the charges?

Clare: Oh, no, not at all. Are we

Danno: Yeah, I'm using my, my:

Clare: mm-hmm

Danno: so I know this is long distance person to person. so if you wouldn't mind reversing the charges since you are the one who instigated the call.

Clare: I do not mind reversing the challenges I'm used to this from those years when my husband was in jail.

Danno: perfect. Perfect. And you might hear the operator just, uh, listening in, if you hear someone clearing a throat or something, that's, uh, that's Sera, our local, uh, operator.

Clare: Well, that's good because it will help to keep us on task. So we don't waste any time on this call talking about things other than what the call is about.

Danno: right. Right. In fact, if we talk about the call itself, what could be more about what the call is about than the call

Clare: Wow. That's very is Sera there.

the communists. It is it's my:

communism. Rampant.

Clare: I, uh, this is a little bit sensitive about our business and I hope that neither of us get offended.

Danno: Okay. Sera. Close your ears.

Clare: so I had somebody approach me the other day at the market, regarding our podcast. And, they asked if we had a complaint desk.

Danno: did they recognize you from the podcast?

Clare: No, this is the funny thing. They didn't know I had anything to do with the podcast. They just came over to complain.

Danno: . So by asking around, they eventually found someone who was connected with podcast.

Clare: well, they were mostly just complaining around and then I heard them, they were just mouthing off at the market about our podcast.

Danno: so what was the complaint?

Clare: Well, I didn't take it because I'm not, I am not the complaints desk. So that's what I thought. We should maybe install a complaints desk.

Danno: I love the idea of a complaints desk, Clare. My only concern is that it wouldn't be nice enough and people might complain

Clare: actually Donald, that might be genius because that might put them off what they've actually come to complain.

Danno: They'd feel better about their original complaint when they saw the state of our complaint desk.

Clare: Have you made it like a labyrinth to get in there with questions and maybe

Danno: really uncomfortable to stand in front. It could have sort of a wavy mirror. so if they happen to catch a glimpse of themselves that even they themselves would look kind of queasy and sickly

Clare: Take their weight before they complain.

Danno: Yes. We'll make it a requirement it's like entering the country.

You need state your weight, your height, any contagious diseases really get himself

Clare: Yes. They'd have to fill out like a Buzzfeed quiz about who their soulmate might be.

Danno: this is starting to sound like actually kind of a fun complaint desk. It sounds like maybe a great way to meet people. You know, you could find people, your height, your weight, people with, uh, contagious disease that conflicts with yours,

Clare: That's how you get the strongest babies.

Danno: perfect. And what's better than strong babies.

Clare: Danno. I think we should charge for people to come to our complaint desk.

Danno: And you know what, we'll overcharge, so they really have something to complain about.

now you and I are so busy just doing the podcast.

oh. And by the way, we booked a podcast anywhere. I'll tell you about that later.

Clare: Oh, I cannot wait. I'm very excited to hear about that

Danno: Yeah, our our first private party. but we're gonna need somebody to, to man or, well man or

person, man, which

Clare: yeah, person,

man is the proper

Danno: we'll need someone to person, man, the complaint desk. uh, Sera, are you there?

She, I know she listens in, but she doesn't like to acknowledge it.

I

wonder.

It is 25 cents for three minutes.

e's almost nobody using these:

Clare: I Danno what you mean?

Sounds like a,

person, man observation.

Danno: was a sly innuendo.

Clare: I really think we should get on this complaint desk,

revenue stream.

Danno: here's my first complaint, Claire. We're a little focused on the revenue streams. I feel like we focus so much on the revenue streams that we stop focusing on the creativity of what is supposed to be this marvelous, um, educational gift to the world.

Clare: gosh, Daniel. That is a great admonition. You are absolutely correct.

Danno: okay. And my second complaint is those big words that I, I just Danno what they.

What's an admonition.

Clare: That's um, that's a place where you get. Munitions to advertise

Danno: you're giving me a Daffy mission. That's a Daffy mission. I want a definition.

Clare: um, what was the context? Can you spell it again, please?

Danno: your word is UNG

UNG.

Clare: O L O. Could you use it in a sentence?

Danno: this is 11 year old Clare Sera stepping to the microphone. If she correctly spells U long, she will be this year's winner in the 11 to 72 age group, Ang, Ang. Mm. I've been drinking this Ang so long. It's delicious. My uvula is quivering with excitement as I sample the

Clare: uh, Excuse me. This is, uh, 11 year old Claire Sarah's mother.

I need to admonish the judge.

Danno: okay. That's a D M O N I S H am I correct? You are correct! we go. Whoa. And ladies and gentlemen, that is the true story of how Danno Sullivan bested Clare Sera, and, oh, come on. People on in this years. Children and adults spelling B. Thank you,

Clare: Wow.

Danno: you were gonna make it on Thanks

Clare: Yeah. That's, that's a real trigger memory for me. I can't believe you found that on tape.

Danno: all right, Claire. I know this is a business call and , I feel like I just wasted a lot of time playing back that memory tape.

of when we were both in the spelling bee

Clare: but you were still an adult. memories are funny things.

Danno: yes. Yes they are.

Clare: okay, so we've got our complaint desk

situation set.

Danno: And you were

admonishing me

Clare: I was, but you know, Danno, I'm gonna forgive. That's something that I learned that day at the spelling bee, to his best to forgive then admonish.

Danno: here, here, and you know what, Claire, I see why you won the synonym B. You are good at that.

Clare: Thank you.

Danno: Great. At that At.

Clare: ma

Danno: Well skilled at that

Clare: B

Danno: terrifically. Terrific at that.

Clare: uh, pleasure is mine.

Danno: Wow.

Clare: Actually, why not have a S B Donald? That is a great idea. That could be a real revenue stream for us.

Danno: I see where you're going with this. Get all those really intellectual children and charge them an entrance fee, right.

Clare: Yes.

Yes.

Danno: and, and, and then what happens?

Clare: like a spelling be you, you give a word, So admonish, the word is admonish.

Danno: a D it's okay. You don't.

Clare: It's not, you don't spell it. You're

out me next child. That that's a $50 penalty. If you're out on the first

Danno: Oh Claire. That's brilliant. Clever ingenious. Top

Clare: see. There it is.

Danno: So these kids would need to come with a pocket full of cash. It sounds like by your rules.

Okay. are parents allowed to watch or is it, uh, just us in a room full of children?

Clare: Well, you know, legally anymore, you and I can't be in a room full of children,

Danno: Not within 50 yards.

Claire, I mentioned that we'd booked an improv anywhere gig.

Danno: Someone heard us talking about that on the podcast and called to book us. They would like us to do a birthday party for some seven year olds. now that we have this idea for the synonym B I'm thinking it would be so much easier just to bring in that as, um, you know, kind of a party game rather than actually to set up and do a podcast from the birthday party.

What do.

Clare: I, I love that, that they're doing all the talking. We're not getting wear and tear on our vocal chords.

Danno: And really all we need to do is we say one word to start that synonym ball rolling. And, uh, after that is just word association among the children.

Clare: Danno. This is the way to.

Danno: Okay. We may need to do balloon animals,

Clare: Oh, okay.

Danno: And I told them that you could do, um, some magic tricks, that thing where you pull paper out of your mouth, thought would be fun.

Clare: Oh, the human printer I'd really stopped doing that.

Danno: well, Clare Sera was such a, a party favored amongst us in our twenties.

Clare: you know that dot Printing bit is it's really wore my teeth down.

Danno: I think the kids would enjoy it. it really is something where we would give you the name of a document and you were able to eject it from your throat and mouth in a fully printed form. And I think kids would always ask for something short and cute, you know, like a children's book.

I, I guess, So what have we got

the complaint desk,

Clare: complaint desk,

Danno: the children's party on the 28th

Clare: the Thor

Danno: and you know, honestly, regarding the children's party, if it's like most of the children's parties I went to as a child, that's gonna really drive business to the

Clare: Yeah, right, right, right. Oh, this is gonna be good. This is we, we need this revenue stream. The summer is when you make the money so that you can relax in

the dead of winter.

Danno: Oh,

Clare: Gather ye flowers while ye may.

Danno: alright, thanks for the, um, uplifting chat. I'll see you on the 28th. Uh, don't forget. I just said that you would be in white face, like a mine.

Clare: No, no Danno.

No.

Danno: Yes. Gotta go. Bye.