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What does it look like to care for someone well when their emotions feel bigger than the moment?
In this episode of Neighbourly, Shannon sits down with Alicia Freeman, a CareImpact trainer whose journey through foster care, adoption, and trauma-informed learning has shaped the way she understands safety, presence, and compassion.
Alicia shares why trauma care is not only for foster and adoptive families, but for everyone, everywhere, especially those who want to care well in their homes, churches, and communities.
Together, Shannon and Alicia talk about what it means to stay curious instead of furious, how to respond when someone is overwhelmed, and why sometimes the most loving thing we can offer is not a solution, but our steady presence.
In this conversation, Alicia reflects on a recent training at a pregnancy resource centre, where a moment of disagreement became a deeper opportunity for listening, humility, and shared learning. She also offers practical ways to help children, youth, and adults feel safer when they are dysregulated or overwhelmed.
This episode is a gentle reminder that care does not have to be perfect to be powerful. It just has to be present.
Think of one person in your life who may be carrying more than you can see.
Before offering advice, try starting with curiosity. Ask a gentle question. Listen a little longer. Resist the urge to fix it too quickly.
Sometimes the most neighbourly thing we can offer is simply to stay present.
04:17 Starting foster care and adoption journey
07:41 Training at the Pregnancy Resource Center
10:57 Navigating overwhelming emotions workshop
14:25 Staying confident and calm during discussions
17:27 Helping people find their personal why
23:13 Importance of Curiosity and Empathy
27:16 The power of just being present
29:43 Role of Church in Trauma Care
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Offering just my presence and my quiet,
Speaker:even my presence in their emotions. You know, when somebody else is sad and
Speaker:I'm willing to just sit in that sad with them and not
Speaker:try to tie it up with a pretty ribbon and find an
Speaker:answer or spiritually lead them to a place that
Speaker:they're just not ready to go to be willing to just sit in that
Speaker:and trust that, you know, God's going to lead them to the hope,
Speaker:to the clarity that they might need. But I don't have to do.
Speaker:What does it look like to care for someone? Well, when their emotions feel bigger
Speaker:than the moment? Because most of us want to help. We want
Speaker:to be steady for the people around us, our family, our friends, our neighbors
Speaker:and our churches. But when someone is overwhelmed,
Speaker:hurting, or reacting in ways we don't fully understand,
Speaker:it's so easy to rush in with answers, advice, or a quick fix.
Speaker:Hey, everyone, I'm Johan. Welcome to Neighbourly, a podcast about ordinary
Speaker:people showing extraordinary care. Today, Shannon sits down with
Speaker:someone who is no stranger to neighborly, Alicia, a Care Impact
Speaker:trainer whose own journey through foster care, adoption and trauma
Speaker:informed learning has shaped the way she helps others understand
Speaker:safety, presence, and compassion. But this isn't
Speaker:just a conversation about training. It's about a bigger question.
Speaker:How do we become the kind of people who can stay curious, offer
Speaker:safety, and sit with someone in the messy middle without needing to
Speaker:fix everything? Let's listen in and join Shannon and Alicia at
Speaker:the table. Alicia, I'm so glad that you
Speaker:are on the podcast today. You are not new to this
Speaker:podcast, you've been on a couple times. And Alicia, we
Speaker:love her at Care Impact. She's such a core part of this team. And
Speaker:I can't wait for our listeners to hear more of what
Speaker:you do and your heart for it. But before we get into that,
Speaker:we always start with the same question. Growing up, who was
Speaker:a neighbor that you will never forget? Yeah,
Speaker:this question was actually a little tough for me. And then I listened to the
Speaker:episode from last week and I was like, oh, my answer is the same as
Speaker:hers. So I grew up in
Speaker:a very rural community, so I felt like my
Speaker:concept of neighbors was not like a lot of other people. People like my neighbors
Speaker:were not right next door. It was a little ways away. So I don't feel
Speaker:like we necessarily did a lot with, like, our neighbors, the people that
Speaker:were, you know, next door to us, because really it was like a next field
Speaker:away. Right. It was a very agricultural community. But what
Speaker:did come to mind is that I went to A rural
Speaker:community, public school. So really, everybody at my school
Speaker:were like the people in my neighborhood, which was
Speaker:large, but in a rural community like that. It was really neat to have
Speaker:all of those families come together in that one place where
Speaker:basically all the kids in the community went to that same
Speaker:school. And so I remember, you know, like, at Christmas
Speaker:time, there'd always be, like, the Christmas concert, and then all the families would be
Speaker:there. And because it was like a rural farming community, it was
Speaker:like moms and dads and siblings. Like, everybody was there. Even
Speaker:when we had, like, middle of the day events, like, we would have, like, a
Speaker:school picnic at the end of the year, and the
Speaker:families would be there. And so, like, looking back now, I realize how unique
Speaker:that was. It really did give me that sense of neighborhood when I was
Speaker:at my school every day. Like, all the kids were living similar lives to
Speaker:me. So, like, we were all coming from these farms
Speaker:in the community and we kind of lived that same lifestyle.
Speaker:Yeah. Oh, that's beautiful to think about growing up with
Speaker:other families and living life with other people
Speaker:in that similar season of life, I'm sure is just. Yeah. So special
Speaker:to think back on. Well, I'm really excited to get
Speaker:more into this episode and really hear your heart,
Speaker:because we're talking a lot about some of the trainings that we do,
Speaker:trauma care training, relational care training, and you
Speaker:are a big part of that. And so I'd love to hear what led you
Speaker:to even want to facilitate trainings like this and
Speaker:why is it important to you? Well, my husband and I chose
Speaker:to begin building our family through adoption as well
Speaker:as providing foster care for vulnerable children in our community. And
Speaker:so when we first began our journey of foster care and adoption, we
Speaker:were very young, like in our early 20s. And some of the first
Speaker:children that God brought into our home were significantly
Speaker:challenging children. They had significant needs due to, you know,
Speaker:things like prenatal exposure to alcohol or drugs or
Speaker:major attachment disruptions, exposure to domestic violence
Speaker:and abuse, things like that. So as we attempted to care for these children, we
Speaker:quickly started to realize that many of the traditional parenting techniques that
Speaker:we were seeing other parents using or that we had been raised with
Speaker:were really not as effective as we hoped or possibly even made
Speaker:things worse sometimes. So we knew that we needed help.
Speaker:And so we started to seek out that education and community among
Speaker:other Christians who were fostering and adopting at the time.
Speaker:And through that, we were invited to join a few of the people in taking
Speaker:a training called Trauma Competent Care Through a
Speaker:Trauma Free World. And then at the same time, we also started
Speaker:attending the Replanted conference in Chicago each
Speaker:year. And through those experiences, we began to learn more about what it was
Speaker:that our children really needed from us and how to help them
Speaker:feel safe and experience healing and
Speaker:why their behaviors were sometimes really baffling to us.
Speaker:So this gave us so much hope and clarity in our
Speaker:parenting journey, and I'm just so grateful that we were given those
Speaker:opportunities to learn. And so the more that I learned, the
Speaker:more that I wanted to be able to share this information with other families
Speaker:and not just for foster and adoptive families. What we really started to realize
Speaker:was that this information is really for everyone everywhere. And that's
Speaker:what I tell people about trauma care training. I really believe that
Speaker:it's for everyone everywhere, especially people in the church,
Speaker:because trauma is so common in today's culture and for the church,
Speaker:as we want to come in and impact and interact with
Speaker:people who are hurting, what we want is to be equipped to do
Speaker:that in ways that are truly helpful and healing.
Speaker:Yeah. Thank you so much for bringing it back to your
Speaker:story and where that. That really started for you.
Speaker:I think there's a couple other episodes where you share a little bit more about
Speaker:what that journey has been like specifically, but I love where you brought it, because
Speaker:as you were talking, I was thinking about those who may not be,
Speaker:you know, adoptive parents or foster parents listening and thinking, well, how
Speaker:does. How does this kind of content, you know, how would these kinds of trainings
Speaker:apply to me? But I think you. You said it right there. It is
Speaker:for everyone, for everywhere. And especially as believers
Speaker:in the church who were wanting to welcome in hurting
Speaker:people broken, lost, and needing to
Speaker:create an environment that is
Speaker:emotionally and mentally safe for people
Speaker:who've experienced a lot. Is training like this is so important?
Speaker:So recently, you facilitated a training at a
Speaker:pregnancy resource center, and I'd love to hear a little bit
Speaker:about just what was that like walking in?
Speaker:What did the day feel like when you arrived and when you got there?
Speaker:Yeah. So this particular training, the
Speaker:Pregnancy Resource center, is really close to my heart, because
Speaker:this center is located in our small town, and I know
Speaker:so many of the people who are investing their time and their energy and their
Speaker:resources in this ministry. And I know that this center is also
Speaker:serving a vulnerable population that is really close to my
Speaker:heart as well, especially as a foster parent. So I'm just so grateful
Speaker:for the way that they have come alongside these young women and men and
Speaker:families to try to build in upstream supports.
Speaker:So this center has been so eager to host me over the past couple
Speaker:of years and inviting me into their space to train their staff and
Speaker:volunteers and just to provide a space where they can talk and learn
Speaker:and really work to understand their clientele better.
Speaker:So when I came into the room, I really was walking into a space where
Speaker:there were several people that are very familiar and dear
Speaker:faces who might feel comfortable with, which was really nice. My friend
Speaker:worked to help me set up, and we ended up using a couple of
Speaker:diaper boxes to set up my computer so that it would be, like,
Speaker:at the right height for my presentation because we didn't have quite the right
Speaker:size of table or stand. And so that was kind of funny because I thought,
Speaker:you know, how fitting is this that as we talk about this together, I've got
Speaker:my computer propped up on diaper boxes that have been donated
Speaker:by these generous community members at the Pregnancy Resource Center.
Speaker:So I'd say everyone came in feeling pretty light and friendly. They were chatting
Speaker:and pulling out snacks and exchanging hugs and conversation. That
Speaker:kind of environment, it was. It was really comfortable. Yeah.
Speaker:When you're getting ready for these kinds of trainings and
Speaker:you're thinking about prior experiences of it, what have
Speaker:you learned? Helps you to really facilitate a learning experience that kind
Speaker:of goes deeper and goes beyond some of that
Speaker:surface level. I think one of the key aspects
Speaker:is just, you know, making sure that as we all
Speaker:come into that space and particularly as I, you
Speaker:know, begin my presentation, that they can really see me
Speaker:as another human being. That sounds funny, but,
Speaker:you know, that I'm not just standing there as the trainer, that I'm here with
Speaker:them. And so often what I try to present near the beginning is, you
Speaker:know, a little bit about my story and what's brought me here. And really trying
Speaker:to help people understand that when I'm in the training room with them, I'm here
Speaker:to learn alongside and that I really want to hear from them as
Speaker:well, because there's a lot of people that I end up, you know,
Speaker:training who hold a lot of pieces of knowledge and. And some that
Speaker:I don't have. So it's really beautiful when we're able to
Speaker:step into that conversation and end up learning from each other. But I feel
Speaker:like it's really important for participants to feel that comfort that
Speaker:I want you to share. I want you to even disagree or
Speaker:have different opinions. And let's talk it through. Let's figure out what
Speaker:are your questions, what are your thoughts, or what are your learning experiences
Speaker:that would contribute to this conversation. Yeah, I'd love to hear some
Speaker:of those more specific moments that stood out to you, but
Speaker:to maybe give our listeners a little bit of context, in a nutshell, what
Speaker:was some of the content that you were training or sharing with this
Speaker:group? Just kind of generally speaking. Yeah.
Speaker:So my content at this training was called navigating
Speaker:overwhelming emotions. And so we were really talking
Speaker:about, first of all, what do we do with our own overwhelming
Speaker:emotions? So when we are having overwhelming emotions, what's
Speaker:going on in our brains and our bodies, our nervous
Speaker:systems? What might we be experiencing on a holistic level?
Speaker:And then how does that impact our ability to
Speaker:interact with other people around us? So, really,
Speaker:even though I was definitely coming to serve
Speaker:as far as helping to equip them in navigating
Speaker:overwhelming emotions with other people, but what we ended up talking
Speaker:about a lot is our own overwhelming emotions. And I think
Speaker:the more that we understand what to do with our own emotions, the more
Speaker:compassion and empathy that we have for other people's big
Speaker:emotions. And it just helps us to have better clarity as to,
Speaker:like, what approach is needed here. If I know what works for me when I'm
Speaker:feeling overwhelmed and I'm comfortable with my own
Speaker:emotions, then it really does help me to be able to
Speaker:enter into somebody else's experience and not feel easily
Speaker:threatened or triggered by that. Yeah, that's so good. I think
Speaker:about how helpful that would be for me.
Speaker:And I'm not even a parent. I'm just thinking about daily life, and
Speaker:that's so good. So I'd love to hear then, what were some of those
Speaker:moments from. From that training that really stayed with you
Speaker:of what people were learning and what was just coming to mind for
Speaker:them? So one of the moments that really stayed with me from this
Speaker:training was when one participant was really digging into the
Speaker:content and asking some really good and hard questions about our
Speaker:emotions and how God sees our emotions and what it
Speaker:looks like to understand our emotions in light of the gospel and
Speaker:the Holy Spirit's work in our lives and sanctifying us, all of
Speaker:that. And really, she was gently but persistently
Speaker:disagreeing with the approach that I was taking to the content.
Speaker:And it was just that sort of moment where you feel this tension build.
Speaker:Right. But one of the things that I love most about the time that I've
Speaker:spent learning about trauma and its impact on people is that
Speaker:it's really helped me to learn how to exercise curiosity.
Speaker:A phrase that we often repeat is curious instead of furious.
Speaker:And this little line really is so helpful in practicing
Speaker:Active listening and offering those felt safety
Speaker:strategies. And honestly, just this posture of humility.
Speaker:So it was really encouraging because I felt like I was able to really just
Speaker:lean into this participant's questions and perspectives and, and
Speaker:open up conversation and allow the rest of the group to provide their
Speaker:feedback as well. That's a great example of. We
Speaker:talked about this on our last episode a lot about remaining
Speaker:curious and related to making assumptions about others,
Speaker:but just that same concept of maybe easy. You're probably
Speaker:navigating your own emotions in that moment and thinking,
Speaker:okay, pause, let me hear where this person's coming from. Let me really ask
Speaker:good questions to help you know them learn, but also
Speaker:yourself learn. And yeah, that's such a great a learning
Speaker:opportunity, I think, for everybody. So, Alicia, as you were
Speaker:going through that moment, what are some of the things you noticed either
Speaker:in the room or in yourself as you were
Speaker:walking through that with that participant? Yeah,
Speaker:in myself, I really sense this, like, urgency to
Speaker:try to fix it, you know, talk more, explain more, which is so
Speaker:often what we feel when we sense some kind of threat to our own
Speaker:perspective or our own experience. But I also sense this
Speaker:calmness and confidence that was really neat to feel. I still really
Speaker:think of myself as an amateur on all these topics
Speaker:and on training, so I feel like I can easily be derailed by someone
Speaker:going off topic or. Or asking a hard question that I wasn't
Speaker:anticipating. But this time, I really just sensed this deep, grounded
Speaker:assurance that I needed to lean into this and that the content would speak for
Speaker:itself. And one of my fellow Care Impact trainers, Amy Jo,
Speaker:always reminds me, you can trust the content, and I really
Speaker:find that to be true. When we know that what we're presenting is
Speaker:valuable and trusted and wisely sourced, we can present confidently
Speaker:and really rest in that knowledge. So, yeah, as
Speaker:I resisted that urge to jump in and fix it all, I was
Speaker:able to ask questions and really listen to this participant and
Speaker:understand her perspective and allow others to be part of that
Speaker:learning moment and just let the conversation play out a little bit. And I
Speaker:felt like everyone else really leaned in then as well, which was so
Speaker:beautiful to watch. And I think we were all pretty invested at that
Speaker:point in figuring out, like, how do these pieces fit together?
Speaker:Wow. Yeah, that's so good, because it makes me think about
Speaker:when we lean into the messy
Speaker:moments or maybe even think of it of, like, wrestling with God a little bit
Speaker:of, like, trying to work out our faith and these concepts and
Speaker:God, how does this fit and how does this make sense that is
Speaker:actually like where so much growth happens. And that's really what it sounds like was
Speaker:kind of happening in that moment. Why do you think that
Speaker:moment itself really mattered? Yeah, it
Speaker:just, it turned into such a beautiful piece of the training that really
Speaker:helped us all to engage on a much deeper level.
Speaker:And I really felt like we were able to learn together and see how the
Speaker:content actually brought us full circle versus just
Speaker:me standing up there and talking the whole time or claiming to have all the
Speaker:answers. And. And what I noticed was that everyone really started exploring,
Speaker:experiencing what we were talking about, overwhelming
Speaker:emotions. So as they process the content in more personal
Speaker:ways, I think we really experienced something special that, that
Speaker:day that, that just held a lot more weight than it would have if we
Speaker:hadn't been willing to kind of dig into those harder
Speaker:questions. Thanks for sharing more about that.
Speaker:In that specific training or even if you think back on some of the
Speaker:others that you have done, what have you learned that it can look
Speaker:like to really help somebody feel safe when they're coming into
Speaker:this learning experience? Maybe not knowing totally what to expect
Speaker:if, you know, their pastor signed them up or their boss
Speaker:signed them up for this thing. What are some of the things that you've
Speaker:learned to help people as they come into the room?
Speaker:Yeah, one of the things that I always like to do at the beginning
Speaker:is really help people find their own personal why
Speaker:for being there. People feel safer when they feel like
Speaker:they're not expected to all be coming for the same reason or with the
Speaker:same story. And so to try to, you know, to share my why for
Speaker:being here, but then really opening it up and giving them a
Speaker:chance to actually, you know, often I'll have them maybe
Speaker:draw something or sketch something or write something down or actually
Speaker:like physically taking some time and space to think about, like,
Speaker:why am I here and what are my expectations for this.
Speaker:I think just really allows people, right. Right from the get go to be honest
Speaker:about their experience and how they're feeling about being here. And then
Speaker:like we talked about before, just curiosity, you know, asking
Speaker:questions, making sure that people have opportunity to
Speaker:speak. I tend to, you know, I prepare the
Speaker:trainings and I've been so invested in. I've been studying all the material and
Speaker:prepping the slide notes, all of the things. Right. And then I have so much
Speaker:that I want to say and usually like such little time and
Speaker:it's so tempting for me to just talk the whole time. I'm like, I've got
Speaker:content to move through and it's also great I just really want to move through
Speaker:it. But again, something I've learned from my Care Impact
Speaker:team is just the value of asking really good questions
Speaker:and making sure that I'm giving time and space for people to
Speaker:process at their own speed. And that might look different
Speaker:than what I prepared. It might look different than what I hoped for
Speaker:and thought was what they needed. But people really do
Speaker:learn best when they're given the freedom to process things at their
Speaker:own pace and have some time to be able to learn together.
Speaker:That's the other thing. We usually try to do some group work in our
Speaker:trainings to make sure that people have time to stop and have conversations with the
Speaker:people who are next to them or a pre assigned group, whatever it might be,
Speaker:so that they're not only learning from the presenter
Speaker:and the slide deck, but they're also having conversation with each other as
Speaker:participants and they're asking each other questions. They have
Speaker:more time to speak. Yeah. And to give
Speaker:our listeners a bit of a picture because I'm thinking about how they could see
Speaker:themselves in this, you know, as they're hearing you talk
Speaker:about people, you know, coming into the room. Aside from a Pregnancy
Speaker:Resource center, what are some of the other types of groups that
Speaker:you have done this training or similar trainings with?
Speaker:Mm, I don't feel like I've ever had a training that is
Speaker:just kind of one group of people. Even with this training,
Speaker:even though the reason we were all there was because they were all connected to
Speaker:the Pregnancy Resource center, what I found is that they were applying the
Speaker:material across the board in their lives. So they weren't just
Speaker:thinking about this material in, in regards to their
Speaker:relationship with the clients or their work at the Pregnancy Resource Center.
Speaker:They were, they were thinking about it, you know, with their family and their friends
Speaker:and the people they go to church with and their neighbors. So
Speaker:in other trainings as well, I definitely, often there are,
Speaker:you know, foster families, adoptive families.
Speaker:I've done some training with different camps in working with that type
Speaker:of ministry. You know, girls clubs, boys clubs, people
Speaker:who are working with children or youth who are, who have
Speaker:experienced significant trauma. But I feel like the
Speaker:repeated question that I've had every time I do a training
Speaker:because I'm a parent and I'm parenting children who've experienced trauma.
Speaker:I tend to use a lot of examples of my children or my
Speaker:experiences with children, but inevitably people are always asking,
Speaker:like, what about other adults in my life? What does it look like for
Speaker:my brother or my nephew or my neighbor
Speaker:who I'm Close with who I know has experienced traumatic things.
Speaker:What does it look like for me to translate this to them? So one of
Speaker:the things that care impact that we become really passionate about is really making
Speaker:this material really easy for people to translate
Speaker:into the experiences that they're having with all those different people
Speaker:in their lives and just broadening that language a little bit. Because
Speaker:the same types of strategies that we would use with kids are the
Speaker:strategies that we are going to use with adults as well. But sometimes we need
Speaker:help kind of connecting those dots, right? And figuring out what would it look like
Speaker:to provide safety to an adult who doesn't
Speaker:feel safe? Or what does it look like for me to really listen
Speaker:and like active practice active listening with another adult
Speaker:versus a child? Or what does it look like when
Speaker:an adult's brain and body is overstimulated or
Speaker:dysregulated? What does that look like and what should I do in that
Speaker:moment? Because a dysregulated adult looks a lot scarier
Speaker:than a dysregulated five year old. Right. And so even though we're using the
Speaker:same types of strategies, sometimes it's worth really having those conversations
Speaker:and digging into that. That's really helpful. And
Speaker:I think that's really important for those who are
Speaker:listening because I think that is really relatable for a lot of people that
Speaker:whether they're working in spaces with children and youth or
Speaker:foster adoptive families are not. That's something that we can, I think,
Speaker:all relate to that there are adults in our life, whether they're close or not,
Speaker:who have experienced some really hard things in life
Speaker:and we want to show up well for them. So
Speaker:not to try and give you a, you know, do a whole training in two
Speaker:minutes right now, but what are some of the things that you
Speaker:say when people ask that question of, you know, if you're in a moment with
Speaker:someone who is overwhelmed or hurting, especially an adult, what
Speaker:can it look like to show up well and care well for them
Speaker:in that moment? That's such a great question.
Speaker:I feel like, you know, I'm so grateful in my own life for the Holy
Speaker:Spirit, because I think first of all, we need the
Speaker:Holy Spirit to be able to guide us in those interactions and help
Speaker:us to know what's really going to speak to this person. But
Speaker:I feel like I keep bringing up the same things. But that, that curiosity
Speaker:again, like, I feel like I can't think of a situation
Speaker:where the first approach isn't going to be curiosity,
Speaker:you know, like to just whether that's outwardly or just
Speaker:internally to just really take that pause and ask
Speaker:that question like why, why is this person
Speaker:feeling this way? Or why is this person behaving in the way that they
Speaker:are? And what I love about curiosity is that it
Speaker:really just unleashes empathy in us. I think as soon as we
Speaker:are willing to be curious, we kind of step out of that
Speaker:protective mode, we step out of that defensive mode,
Speaker:and we're able to really start thinking, oh, wait a
Speaker:minute, this person has their own perspective and their own experience. And
Speaker:I wonder what that is. And oftentimes when we
Speaker:do that, the other person can sense that. And you know, if
Speaker:we're able to ask questions like, I'd love to understand
Speaker:more about that, can you tell me more about that? Or you know,
Speaker:just really, really validating their, their experience, you
Speaker:know, if they're able to share with us to say, well, yeah, that makes a
Speaker:lot of sense. Of course you feel that way. I think I would feel that
Speaker:way too, to doing that, that relating to them and
Speaker:trying to help them feel like they're, they're not alone and they're not crazy
Speaker:for, for feeling the way that they do is really
Speaker:helpful. So yeah, curiosity helping them to,
Speaker:to feel like they're not alone. And then really if it's the
Speaker:kind of relationship where you're able to really try to offer those
Speaker:regulation type strategies. So, you know, we all know that
Speaker:sometimes just taking a deep breath can be really helpful. If
Speaker:it's a child that you're working with, you know, you might be able to say
Speaker:it that's simply like, hey, can you take a deep breath with me?
Speaker:Or there's lots of different fun regulation tools that we have,
Speaker:especially for younger kids. Things like a bowl of hot
Speaker:soup or a mug of hot chocolate where you're gently blowing
Speaker:to cool it off and then gently inhaling to
Speaker:smell it and those kinds of strategies. Figure
Speaker:8. Breathing, things like that. Obviously with a youth or
Speaker:with an older youth or an adult, it might not
Speaker:feel as comfortable to prompt them to take a deep breath.
Speaker:They might feel kind of judged if you do that to them. Right? But there's
Speaker:still ways that we can notice that dysregulation that's happening
Speaker:in their bodies and figure out how to work that out. So
Speaker:maybe it's even just like, hey, do you want to take a walk? And just
Speaker:walking as you talk is going to allow their bodies to move around
Speaker:a little bit instead of feeling so stuck. Drives, I find, are
Speaker:also great. You know, if you're in the car talking to somebody and you don't
Speaker:have that direct eye contact. Sometimes offering
Speaker:like, do you need a minute? There's a space over here where it's
Speaker:quiet. Do you want to just take a break for a minute? Things
Speaker:like that can be really helpful in just helping somebody to be able
Speaker:to step away from that moment for a little bit and not feel the
Speaker:pressure. Yeah, that's so good. So many practical
Speaker:tips there you've just shared. And one thing I think about, you kind of
Speaker:mentioned this earlier too, is I can sometimes default
Speaker:into wanting to fix a situation or fix something.
Speaker:And I'm really trying to work on not
Speaker:defaulting to that. And so in that same vein, maybe what
Speaker:is something people don't need to have figured out
Speaker:before they step into, you know, a kind of situation
Speaker:like that where they don't need to have that pressure
Speaker:of going in, trying to fix something. Any
Speaker:thoughts around that? I
Speaker:love that because even for me, I've spent so
Speaker:much time now in this material and I feel like I should
Speaker:have a great toolbox. But sometimes in the moment,
Speaker:all of that is gone. I can't remember. I don't
Speaker:know what's going to be helpful. But this is where I
Speaker:just. I love the practical ways that we can love
Speaker:people is often just listening and being willing
Speaker:to really sit in that space with them and not try to
Speaker:fix it and not try to sort it out. I think one of
Speaker:the things that I've really learned over the last few years in my own life
Speaker:and walking with others who have been through some really
Speaker:difficult things is that offering
Speaker:just my presence and just
Speaker:my quiet, steady presence, even my presence
Speaker:in their emotions when somebody else is sad and I'm willing to
Speaker:just sit in that sad with them and not try to tie
Speaker:it up with a pretty ribbon and find an answer
Speaker:or spiritually lead them to a place that they're just
Speaker:not ready to go to be willing to just sit in that and
Speaker:trust that, you know, God's going to lead them to that, to the hope,
Speaker:to the clarity that they might need. But I don't have to
Speaker:do that. And I can relate to you, Shannon.
Speaker:I like to fix things. That's been a real challenge for me to learn that
Speaker:skill. And that's something that I'm working really hard
Speaker:to learn. And God's been really faithful to bring me into a lot of
Speaker:experiences where I get to practice that
Speaker:over the last few years. So, yeah, I think that I'm
Speaker:slowly getting better at that. But to be able to just say, oh, that sounds
Speaker:really hard. Like, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry that
Speaker:you're walking through that. Or that makes sense. That makes so
Speaker:much sense that you would feel that way, even just
Speaker:offering, you know, that the little line like. Like, of course you do,
Speaker:you know, like, of course you feel that way. And we all need to feel
Speaker:like we're not alone and we're not crazy when we're having overwhelming
Speaker:emotions. And I think that offers a lot of safety
Speaker:and connection. Yeah. So good. Well,
Speaker:we're getting to the end here of our time together. Is there
Speaker:anything, Alicia, that I haven't asked or anything just on your heart
Speaker:to share that you want to say before we close today?
Speaker:I'm thinking about. We talk quite a bit about this training, and we alluded
Speaker:earlier to that idea that trauma care is really for
Speaker:everyone everywhere. And we talked a bit about how important
Speaker:it is for the church in our role, in the ways that we're
Speaker:trying to step into community. But I think that's really been
Speaker:on my heart lately, and something that I've really come to notice and
Speaker:see. And, you know, as I've walked through hard experiences in my own life
Speaker:and as I've watched other people walk through difficult experiences
Speaker:and really seeing the church, I think I've
Speaker:seen it both ways. I've seen experiences
Speaker:where the church really stepped in and was able to care in really,
Speaker:really wonderful, thoughtful ways and really come alongside and
Speaker:support people in navigating those difficult
Speaker:circumstances. And then I think most of us have also
Speaker:seen the alternative where we see the church step
Speaker:in and instead of finding safety, you know, that that
Speaker:person feels a lot of judgment or feels a lot of that fix
Speaker:it culture where, you know, we want to kind of slap on
Speaker:our. Our programs and our. Our agendas
Speaker:onto. Onto other people in their situations. And,
Speaker:yeah, I guess I just. I'm really hopeful for the church in Canada.
Speaker:I think that a lot of people are asking a lot of really good
Speaker:questions, and I think that there is a willingness and an eagerness
Speaker:to learn new things. And I'm so excited every
Speaker:time I get a peek at that. I'm thinking of one training
Speaker:in particular, where it was a connection through a camp, and really there was
Speaker:a family who was really struggling, and their church reached out
Speaker:and said, would you bring this training to us? Because we just really want to
Speaker:wrap around this family and this child. And that
Speaker:was so encouraging to me because I thought,
Speaker:wow, that's. That's just. That's what church is supposed to look like,
Speaker:you know, like they, they knew that they didn't have the answers, but
Speaker:they really wanted to be helpful and they were really mindful of
Speaker:helping in the right ways. And so they reached out,
Speaker:they took the initiative to say, like, I wonder if this is something that would
Speaker:be helpful to us. Would you help us to understand better?
Speaker:And so I'm really excited for, for the different opportunities
Speaker:that have been coming our way at Care Impact. And we love the church in
Speaker:Canada and we want to help. We want to help come alongside everything
Speaker:that the people are already doing. There's so many wonderful
Speaker:ministries and work that is happening and we really want
Speaker:to come alongside and support that and help everybody feel like they're equipped to do
Speaker:that as well as they can. That's right. Thank you so much,
Speaker:Alicia, for coming on today. You said it exactly. Our
Speaker:heart is for the church in Canada and to
Speaker:help equip her and empower her to care well for community.
Speaker:And that's what this is all about. So thank you. Thanks for sharing your
Speaker:story and your wisdom, and I hope to have
Speaker:you back on again really soon. Thank you for having
Speaker:me. It's always so fun to talk to you. The
Speaker:stories we share here remind us that CARE does not have to be perfect to
Speaker:be powerful. It just has to be present. Neighbourly is an
Speaker:initiative of Care Impact, a Canadian charity equipping churches,
Speaker:agencies and communities with technology and training to care better
Speaker:together. This episode was produced by CARE Creatives co,
Speaker:a social enterprise of Care Impact. If you're building a podcast and want help
Speaker:with strategy, editing or full production, visit
Speaker:CareCreativesCo CA to connect with us.
Speaker:I'm Johan. Thanks for listening and keep being the kind of
Speaker:neighbor someone will never forget. In a good way.
Speaker:Breaking all chains When I see you
Speaker:in a stranger I'm no longer a slave
Speaker:Turning over table Tearing down
Speaker:wall Building up the bridges
Speaker:between the stones of this
Speaker:Turning over table Breaking.