Kev:
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In today's episode, we're delighted to welcome on Steve, who has
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been working with Kev in particular
to build his driving confidence.
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So welcome, Steve.
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Thank you for coming
along to this episode.
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Steve: Hi, thanks for having me on.
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Kev: Hi, Steve.
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Nice to see you again.
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Steve: Hiya.
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Kev: So, Steve, all I'm going to ask
is, people that are listening to this,
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tell me sort of like the rough outline
of just why you contacted us really.
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Yeah, and what was going on for
you with your driving before
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you got in touch with us?
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Steve: Yeah.
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So, I mean, I can go quite, quite
far back when, start of my driving
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journey, I suppose, which was, You
know, I started learning to drive as
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most people do when they're 17, it's
pretty excited to get on with it, had.
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Not a great experience as my instructor
at the time knocked my confidence quite
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a lot and essentially I just gave up
Thought maybe this isn't for me and just
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left it there Yeah, fast forward about
20 years later With a baby on the way and
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you know realization that it's probably
about time I got on with doing this
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yeah, I did decide to get on with it.
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I learned to drive.
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I passed.
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I was quite happy with with how it went.
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Didn't get a car initially.
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and in that time, kind of sat there.
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you know, the sort of.
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The fears that I maybe had previously
started coming back, the anxieties I'd
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had previously started coming back, and
I just kind of allowed them to spiral
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out of control really, where it got to
the point where even getting in the car
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to drive, you know, out of the driveway
was quite a daunting prospect that
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I had to really psych myself up for.
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so, yeah, that's kind of where I was at.
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And then I, yeah, came across
you guys online and got in touch.
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Kev: Brilliant.
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And I think it is great that you're able
to share that and willing to share that
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with listeners, because I do think it's so
easy to let things spiral quite quickly.
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And.
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And that is, our brain is
all about safety, isn't it?
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And so your brain was intent on
putting all these, you hadn't had
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the opportunity to practice driving
very much for the first few months.
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And so it built up in your mind into a
really, a real negative spiral, hadn't it?
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Steve: yeah, absolutely.
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And, you know, when, when I learned
to drive, it was very kind of, well,
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obviously it was, you know, in the
local area, but it was all very
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sort of slow 20 mile an hour roads.
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And then, you know, which I
thought was great at the time.
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So I was like, oh, this is
kind of, you know, this kind
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of makes it easy, doesn't it?
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But then afterwards I sort of realized,
oh, I haven't been on, like, yeah, You
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know, a dual carriageway or a motorway, so
then that thought became really terrifying
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actually to the point where, you know,
I would, I just wouldn't want to do it.
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I could, I could probably go out for a
drive locally if I really had to, but
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I wouldn't, wouldn't even, wouldn't
even contemplate the idea of going
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on, um, yeah, going on the motorway.
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Kev: Yeah, because you'd
never experienced it.
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And it's fear of the unknown, isn't it?
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And I remember when you first got in
touch, one of the things you were very
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self aware, which was fantastic, because
that did a lot of the work for us almost,
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because you were really aware of how, how
you, what of your thinking patterns and
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what it was that you were thinking, and
what it was that was holding you back.
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And also you did nip it in the
bud quite quickly, didn't you?
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So.
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It was only a few months that this
went on for before you sought help,
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and I think that was probably quite.
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Because it, you hadn't let it
build up over years and years
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and years, like some people do.
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So then you got to work with Kev.
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Steve: I did.
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Yeah.
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Kev: You're so lucky.
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You probably didn't
think that at the time.
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Just drive here, Stu, just drive there.
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You know, just drive down here.
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So how did we, I spent the day with Steve,
and it really was about getting back
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the confidence and building up to drive
on faster roads and hopefully gaining
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the confidence on those faster roads.
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So Steve, just quickly tell people
what you thought of the day.
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What did you do?
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What did we do?
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Don't mention the pub.
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Steve: It was, no, it was great.
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I mean, you know, we took it very slowly.
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I think I, you know, , I was, I was pretty
nervous about it, but I was also very
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eager , to get it, to get it done, really.
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So, yeah, you know, we
took it very slowly.
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I immediately felt comfortable
when we got in the car.
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Beforehand, I'd been viewing it as almost
like a driving lesson or a driving test.
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You know, I was like, it's going
to be, it's going to be judging
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me and everything that I do.
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I very quickly realized
that was not the case.
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and yeah, it became.
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You know, yeah, pretty comfortable
and just got more and more comfortable
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and confident as the day went on.
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Really?
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And yeah, as you say, you just
said, let's just drive somewhere
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you want to go to start with.
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You know, just drive around and then
I think we did that for 20 minutes
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or so and then pulled up and you're
like, right, where do you want to go?
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And then we just sort
of took it from there.
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And yeah, you know, before, before I knew
it, I was driving on the A3 and the M25.
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And I think, I think I turned around
to you at one point and said, Oh,
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actually, this is better than driving,
uh, driving on the local roads.
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It's much more fun.
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Kev: So we, we started
to enjoy it, didn't we?
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I think that was the, uh, and
it wasn't as, it wasn't as bad
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as we was making out as well.
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Those faster roads, obviously
they're different, but.
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Steve: Yeah, no, it really
wasn't wasn't bad at all.
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Yeah, I really enjoyed it.
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Kev: And it sounds as if part of
it was just getting that experience
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because you hadn't had it in lessons.
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So it's taking away the unknown and
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Steve: Yeah.
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Kev: practicing it really.
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Steve: Yeah, exactly.
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And as you said, like, you know,
the biggest one of the biggest
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factors with anxiety around lots of
things is the fear of the unknown.
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and yeah, so once you could
once I could get past that.
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It was, it just became so much
easier and just so much nicer.
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And yeah, as you said, I was able to just
actually enjoy myself, enjoy driving.
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Kev: Oh, which is just, I mean,
that's such a thrill, isn't it?
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, to have somebody in a day go from
feeling really nervous and worried
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about being judged to enjoying driving.
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Oh, that is.
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The ultimate really, isn't it?
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That's exactly what we're aiming for.
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So moving on from the day.
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what's it been like?
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Where have you been?
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What have you done?
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How are you feeling
about driving since then?
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Steve: Well, how long have we got?
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, I've, I mean, I, yeah, I drive,
I now drive to work twice a week,
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which is about 25 miles away, which
involves going on the A3 and the M25.
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I've driven, I was saying to Kev
actually a minute ago, I drove, We
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had a holiday booked, I think, for
about a week and a half after I'd been
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out with Kev for the day, and we were
planning to get the train to Gatwick.
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And a few days before, I just
said, why don't we just, why
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don't we just drive there?
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Like, it doesn't cost, it costs
about the same to pay for parking.
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So, yeah, kind of on a bit of a
whim, we just, I drove to Gatwick.
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a week after that, I, Drove my
wife and son to Heathrow, dropped
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them off, came back home on my own,
drove to pick them up a week later.
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Yeah, I've just been kind of driving
anywhere and everywhere to be honest.
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Kev: Oh, it's brilliant.
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It's so fantastic to hear and that
all of those things that you wanted,
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that was why you had your driving
lessons in the first place, isn't it?
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Steve: Yeah, and I think the biggest
Yeah, the main thing about it is that
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I've just been really enjoying it, and
it's almost like I look for reasons to
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get out and drive rather than reasons
not to now, which is just, you know,
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I can't believe I'm saying it, really.
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Yeah,
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Kev: I just drove to
Gatwick and I drove to
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Heathrow
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Steve: you know, it was nothing.
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Kev: love that.
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That's fantastic.
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And before you got in touch with
us, would you have thought that
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that was ever going to be possible?
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Steve: Not really.
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No, certainly not.
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I certainly didn't think
I'd enjoy it anyway,
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Kev: Yeah.
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Steve: you know, I thought, and, and yeah,
I think there was definitely a point where
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I thought it's just not going to happen.
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Like, I'm just not, maybe I'm
just not cut out for this.
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that was the thing that,
that played on my mind a lot.
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So to go from that to, you
know, not even two months later.
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Being to say I love driving
is just incredible really.
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Kev: Oh, it's brilliant.
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It's so good.
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And I can't help but think this
is something that's transferable
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into other things as well.
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So when there are other challenges
in the future, because life
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is challenging, isn't it?
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Without a doubt.
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So when there are other challenges
in the future, this is something that
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you'll be able to look back on and think,
Ah, well, you know, that's how I felt.
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But then with, some work, I
felt completely differently.
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And so it might be something that
you can transfer into other things
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in your life later on as well.
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Steve: Yeah, absolutely I I completely
agree and I think one of the one of
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the Sort of biggest things I kind of
learned from this was actually listening
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to one of your other podcasts was it?
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It's uh, josh, joshua
fletcher, isn't it anxiety?
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Josh?
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I think he's called on uh on instagram
where he talks about the fear of Like
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fearing fear itself, and if you, you know,
how you can sort of, you know, and I think
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that's the problem I had really was the,
you know, the fear of, like, panicking
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in the car or something like that.
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and yeah, and I think you can,
I can apply that to all sorts of
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different things, the fear of being
afraid and realizing that actually
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that's not necessarily a bad thing.
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Kev: absolutely.
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And that that is one of
the real things about this.
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It was probably never about the driving.
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The driving is almost a red herring.
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It is that it's that not
wanting to feel uncomfortable.
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It's that not wanting to feel the
way that driving made you feel.
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And so it is.
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avoiding that feeling, as opposed to,
it's not really about the driving.
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And once you can get the skills of
driving and get to like it, then actually
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you stop fearing the fear as well.
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And
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Steve: it has just given me confidence
just generally, you know, so you feel
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like I've got the days that I drive.
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You know, into work or something, I've
got a little extra spring in my step
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because I've just sort of, you know, I
feel quite, quite pleased with myself
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that I've done it and just leaves you with
a nice feeling for the rest of the day.
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Kev: even me and Steve were
talking and people at work are
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saying, who's that car outside?
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Steve: Yeah, yeah.
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And I'm like, that's my car.
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Kev: Yeah,
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Steve: drove it.
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Kev: Yeah.
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And I just love that.
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I just love where you've come
from and where you are now.
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It is, it is just brilliant.
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Yes.
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And that's why we, we do what we do.
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That's why we do what we do, isn't it?
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Yeah.
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Because it is changeable.
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Yeah.
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Steve: Yeah, absolutely.
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I'm so, so grateful to you
both for helping me with this.
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It is, it has quite
literally changed my life.
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So yeah, thank you.
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Thank you.
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Yeah, very, very grateful.
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Kev: Thank you.
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Hello.
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We've got to ask a couple
of questions, haven't we?
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So what we normally do, this is
where, Tracy normally does this
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bit, but obviously I've been given
the reins, so it'll probably go
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wrong with these questions now.
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Steve: Okay.
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Kev: so thinking back to your, your
driving lessons, what's the one
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thing that you found most difficult?
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So,
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Steve: Oh, gosh,
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that is, that is a tough question.
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One thing I found most difficult, I
would say, The one thing I found most
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difficult consistently was just relaxing.
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Just, you know, stopping my body
from being really tense the whole
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time, gripping the steering wheel,
just kind of relaxing into it.
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Kev: That's a really good answer because
that is a problem for so many people and
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of course if you are holding yourself
tight, nothing feels comfortable, does it?
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So it, yeah.
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It's like a white knuckle
ride, isn't it, almost?
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Steve: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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Absolutely.
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Kev: and, and feeling like that does
increase, that does change the way you
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feel as well, so that physical body
posture will change the messages to the
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brain, so it makes you more on guard
in a way, because you're, because,
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because you haven't relaxed into it.
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So yeah, great answer.
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So, did you find any strategies?
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What, how, how do you feel now?
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How did, what did you do?
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What have you done since to
be able to feel more relaxed?
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Steve: Well, I think generally just being
more confident, obviously has made me feel
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more relaxed, but actually there's a tip
that Kev gave me when we were out driving,
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When you said just grip the steering
wheel really tight for a few seconds
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and then let go, not let go, but,
you know, let go of the tension.
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so a couple of times I've done that
actually, when I've sort of just noticed,
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you know, my shoulders are a bit tense
or I'm just, you know, feeling a bit,
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maybe it's not even related to driving.
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I'm just feeling a bit
stressed about something else.
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And I'll just do that for a couple
of seconds and then release it.
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And I'm like, ah, it feels so much better.
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Kev: And that is a great tip because
when you tell yourself to relax, it's
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really hard to do, but it's actually
quite easy to tighten up more.
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So in the tightness.
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that more is then easier
to let go a little bit.
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So, whereas just trying to relax a bit
from where you are is really hard to do.
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So, yeah, that's a, it's a
great, it's a really handy tip.
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Tighten up more and then just, it's much
easier to just release a little bit.
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So, brilliant.
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Fantastic.
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Steve, thank you so much for coming
on and sharing your experience.
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And I think that that's going to be
really inspirational for other people
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listening, just that idea that you
can change the way that you feel
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about driving and you're living proof.
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Steve: Yeah, absolutely.
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, it's definitely possible.
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You can go from being terrified to
even get in the car to a month and
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a half later driving to Heathrow
airport and not giving it much thought.
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It's definitely possible.
292
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00:15:31
But yeah, thank you.
293
:
00:15:32
Thank you both so much.
294
:
00:15:33
Kev: It was a pleasure, Steve.
295
:
00:15:34
I really enjoyed the day.
296
:
00:15:35
So thank you.
297
:
00:15:37
Thank you.
