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Building Confidence Behind the Wheel: Amy's Experience
Real Life Stories Episode 11617th October 2024 • The Driving Confidence Podcast • Kev & Tracey Field
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In this episode, Kev and Tracey welcomed Amy, who shares her inspiring journey of overcoming driving anxieties.

We chat about:

  • Setting your own goals and going at your own pace
  • How the right support can make a difference 
  • Reflecting back to appreciate and enjoy the change

While listening to this episode, ask yourself:

  • What is the background to your driving story?
  • What is your first driving goal?
  • How would that goal make a difference to your life?

Would you like to feature in a future Q&A podcast?  Do you have a story that others might relate to? You can record a question about driving nerves or confidence that you would like us to answer on our Speak Pipe page.  If you have a question, then there are likely to be others with the same or similar question so ask away and let's start helping more people to build their driving confidence! https://www.speakpipe.com/TheDrivingConfidencePodcast

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* Do you avoid driving whenever possible? * Do you feel like the only person who is anxious about driving? * Would you like to drive wherever you want, whenever you want? * Are you ready to take action to improve your driving confidence? Follow the prompts, questions, exercises and reflections each week to create your own goal based action plan to work on your driving mindset. Created by Kev & Tracey Field to help anxious drivers take action and track their progress over twelve weeks based on our unique Drive Calm® System, you set your own goals so you can work at your own pace.

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Transcripts

kev:

In today's episode, we are delighted to welcome on Amy, worked

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with earlier on last year and she's

come on to tell you all her story.

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So, welcome Amy.

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amy: Hi,

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kev: Welcome, Amy.

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Nice to see you again.

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amy: nice to see you too.

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Thanks for having me.

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kev: So I suppose I better start really,

Amy, tell me a little bit about your story

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before you, you got in touch with us,

what was happening, that sort of thing.

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Really

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amy: Yeah, so, well, in terms of the

driving, I essentially have lived in

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London for quite a long time, say like,

gosh, 12 years, so just haven't really

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needed to drive that much, and my partner

does drive, and we were getting a car,

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and it was just like, we'd gotten to

that point where I was having to think

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about, I gonna drive in again after

passing when I was like 17, which I

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think happens to quite a lot of people.

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They like pass straight after school

and then we go to uni and then we

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move to a city And then, yeah, just

don't drive for a very long time.

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, so, yeah, it's sort of just.

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It came around as something I had

to do, um, even though I've been

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putting it off, for years, because

it's just something that it's not

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really been that important to me.

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It's more been like something

other people have wanted me to do.

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so yeah, so I was just like, I'm, if

I'm going to do this properly, I'm

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going to have to have some kind of

like kickstart, which is why I got in

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touch with you guys, because I just.

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or like, I can't do this on my own.

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And I just needed like

a little bit of support.

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so yeah, to get me back on the road.

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kev: brilliant.

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And we, and we'd done

some training, didn't we?

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We We had a, like a, a get it

done in a day, training day.

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amy: Yeah.

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kev: did you find that?

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amy: Yeah, no, it was great.

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I, um, I think beforehand I was really,

really nervous about it actually.

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Cause I think personally,

when I've got to do something.

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That I'm sort of like a bit nervous about

if it's like half an hour, an hour, like

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a presentation or something, you know, you

get it over with and you could be like,

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it's only an hour, but it was a full day.

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So even that was like, quite daunting.

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Um, especially obviously never

like really meeting in person and.

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But obviously we had our like chat

beforehand and that just like sort of

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really helped because we met and then

obviously we met on the day um so yeah it

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didn't feel like awkward and yeah the day

actually went really quickly if I remember

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rightly and we just drove around my local

town for about five hours or so didn't we.

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Um, so yeah, no, it was brilliant,

um, and it really helped

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because I'm still driving today.

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And yeah, so it did definitely do the job.

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kev: So how much had

you been driving before?

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How long since you'd driven?

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No,

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amy: COVID, I went and did some

traditional refresher driving lessons.

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I did like four or five, but I just

didn't get on with it because it just,

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if maybe it was the person who I was

with, but was very much trying to teach

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me how to drive again, rather than giving

me confidence in what I already knew.

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So it didn't really work out.

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So I stopped that and I was just driving

our, so we had quite an old car then.

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and then we got into a minor

accident and the car got written off.

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So we didn't have a car for a few

years, which is why I stopped.

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And then, like I said, we decided

to invest in a like a proper nice

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car automatic, which is also key.

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Cause I learned in a manual and I

think automatic is so much easier.

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And I think that's definitely helped

with some of my sort of issues.

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kev: And when you think back,

can you remember what your

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worries were about driving?

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Because you mentioned that it wasn't

really about the driving skills.

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You didn't really need

to learn how to drive.

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It was more about your confidence.

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So can you remember

What were your worries?

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What were your concerns about

driving before, before you found us?

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amy: Yeah, I think it was partly.

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Remembering how to drive in terms

of like, like things like going

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on certain lanes and roundabouts,

like all that I would remember.

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But for me, it was more like

trusting myself, to remember

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how I, you know, how to drive.

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so there is aspects of the actual

driving, , that I wanted to improve on.

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But yeah, it was more just

like, Even not knowing, not

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feeling comfortable in the car.

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Yeah, and just not trusting myself

or other people on the road.

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And then the other thing was like the

nerves before getting into the car.

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That was like something I wanted

to try and tackle as well.

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So yeah, I think they were

the main things really.

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And like just going, playing out

scenarios in my head that I thought

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would happen before getting in

the car, um, that never happened.

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And then actually things do

happen and you handle them anyway.

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So.

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Yeah, it wasn't like specific things.

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It was more like an overarching fear.

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And yeah, I just, I don't really love

being in the car as a passenger either.

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So it's all like interconnected.

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and so, yeah, I was just like, no, I

need to do something about this and

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just sort of like rip the plaster off.

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kev: I love that, the rip in the

plaster off, it was like, okay, that's,

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that's, that's done, let's get rid

of that and let's, let's try this.

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amy: Yeah.

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kev: sort of things did we,

because I remember it very

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well, it was a nice sunny day.

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amy: Well, um,

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kev: of things, it was hot as well,

what sort of things did we do then that

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made it comfortable for you on the day?

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amy: well we drove around.

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Basically where I live, it's kind

of like a town, it's quite busy,

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big red buses, all of that stuff.

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So I just wanted to get comfortable

with my local area because that was my

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goal really, to be able to go to the

shops on my own and pick up, like, my

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husband from the station and whatnot.

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So we just drove around

at our own sort of pace.

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Go in different , directions.

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And then I think we went to the town

over and I went on some faster roads.

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and then, yeah, we pulled into

a few car parks, I think, and

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had breaks and stuff, didn't we?

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So yeah, it just felt like the repetition.

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was really good because it felt like

I was just getting more and more

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confident on the roads, getting used

to people being behind me, because

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that's always going to be a thing

around here, like it's always very busy.

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Um, so it was just getting

used to being on the roads.

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And then, yeah, I think the one thing I

remember Was I'd not been in the car on

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my own so I'd only ever been in the car

with my partner and that was like quite a

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Like import like I felt like without him.

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I wouldn't be able to do it and so I'm

just looking back at my notes before

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this and I remember going down to

the car and sitting in it and driving

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outside of our building and doing like

a quick U turn in this car park next

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door just because I hadn't been actually

physically in the car or driven it

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without him in there before our sort

of like session at the weekend, so I

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was just like, I need to do that first.

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And so even that was massive and now

it's like almost the other way where

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I prefer it when he's not in the car.

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Um,

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Which is funny, because I, at one

point, thought I would never be able to,

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like, drive on my own and I needed his

reassurance, I was doing everything okay,

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and what should I do, oh, you know, if

something was to happen, and actually,

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when I'm on my own, you just crack on,

like, you almost don't have That person

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to like second guess you or whatever.

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So, so yeah, so I think when we

were doing our driving, it was

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just like mostly getting used to

this sort of area that I live in.

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And yeah, taking lots of

breaks when we needed them.

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and yeah, it was, it was very like.

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Chilled, wasn't it?

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I remember like just, just, you were very

like, um, I don't know, relaxing and,

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and just sort of like going at our own

pace compared to my refresher classes

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where I was just like almost forced

to do stuff I didn't feel ready to do.

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And that like made it worse.

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So actually it was, it was a good pace.

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kev: yeah, and I do remember

that that was your goal.

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It wasn't a sort of like huge, I want

to drive to the seaside type goal.

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It really was.

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I want to be able to drive in

my local area on my own and

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trust in your own decisions.

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So knowing that you could

do it and then to drive.

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build on from there.

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So, and I think it's great, isn't it?

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Because everybody's goals are different.

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They're unique to you.

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And it's made a really big

difference for you, hasn't it?

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amy: Yeah, absolutely.

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even like you say, I'm not

driving super, super far, but

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it's almost like baby steps.

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And I had to start from scratch

really and build my way up.

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And yeah, I wouldn't say I'm like, Gonna

be driving long distances anytime soon.

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But that, but I think that's fine.

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I think everyone's each their own.

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Like some people need that

'cause they wanna be driving

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up to see family or whatever.

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But if it's just that you just want

to get A to B comfortably, or if

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it's like I'm picking my partner up

all the time, you know, it's raining

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and I'm like, do you wanna lift?

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He's like, yeah.

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Like it's just those small

things and he loves it obviously.

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kev: Yeah, it

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amy: Yeah, but equally, like, I was

just going to give this as an example,

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because recently we had, my partner

was having a procedure, like, under

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general anaesthetics, so you know

you have to take someone with you.

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And like this time last year, I'd

have gone with him, but we would

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have got taxis both ways, even though

we're paying whatever for our car.

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but this time I was

like, no, no, I'll drive.

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And we'd not done, I'd not

done this route before.

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It was only like 20, 25 minutes away.

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Um, but even that, like being able to

just go somewhere new and, and be helpful.

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yeah.

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So yes, taking goals all the time.

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kev: is.

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It's fantastic, isn't it?

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This is, It does make a difference.

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It gives you that freedom.

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It gives you that confidence as well.

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And like you say, you're, you're doing

the things that you want to be able to do.

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You know, supporting your partner

and helping out in that way.

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It's brilliant.

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amy: Thanks.

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kev: And I, you know, afterwards,

I know you was, you, there was a

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meeting that you had to attend.

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And I just remember getting the

email back and saying, you'll

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never guess what I've done.

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I've just driven there.

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And it was just like, wow, because

that was that's quite a journey that

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one one or two roads, but there were

country roads as well, weren't they?

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So they're not sort of like in

the town where we had practiced.

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It would been in the country.

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So

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amy: Yeah, yeah, exactly.

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New roads.

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And I think, and that also

is like, it's following the

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satnav as well and listening.

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So even that's a skill on, you know, in

any way, where back in the day when I

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passed, there was no, like, you weren't

following satnavs on your phone and stuff.

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So, yeah.

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kev: I just love it.

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It's a shame that we don't video these,

because the smile on your face when

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you're telling these stories is like,

yes, I did this and I'm doing this and,

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and you know what, I actually enjoy

it when my partner's not in the car.

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It's the big smile on your face there was

just like, okay, that's some achievement

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really from not driving and probably

scared to get in the car as well.

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So, you know, that's, it's,

it's massive, isn't it?

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And the life changing.

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Yeah.

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So,

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amy: yeah, definitely.

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I think it's, it's hard when

obviously some people are driving,

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my sister drives the work, she

drives like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

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You know, eight hours a day,

sometimes there and back for meetings.

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And that just blows my mind where I'm

like happy that I just drive down the road

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or something, but it's just remembering

where you were and how far you've come.

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And then like, cause you know,

I think we said at the end.

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Like if I was to ever want to do motorways

or whatever, or like we move further

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away out of London, like I could just

do another day, do you know what I mean?

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And like do it in sections

rather than like trying to

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achieve everything straight away.

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I just, I just, I think you

just have to be a bit realistic.

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kev: yeah, and everyone's different as

well, so everyone's gonna go at their

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own pace, whatever pace that may be.

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And I just, you know, I think that's a

great, for people that are listening,

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to be able to say, that just go at

your pace, do it at your, there's no

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time frame to this either, is there?

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You know, you can just do it how

you feel, which I think is great.

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Yeah, and we talk all the time,

don't we, about bite sizing things.

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And it is that the option, you know

that you've always got the option to,

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let you say, if life changes and you

need to change your driving habits,

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then that's when you tackle it.

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There's options to tackle

it when and if you need to, so.

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amy: Yeah.

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, kev: what advice would you give

someone that's in the position

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that your old self was in?

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What would you, what advice

would you give to them?

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Of

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amy: Hmm.

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Um, firstly, I would say if it depends,

if you're like, it depends if you've

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got a car and whatnot, but I would.

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I was even talking to a colleague about

it today and he was saying I'm the same,

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like he never passed his test, but he was

like, I'm just way too anxious for it.

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And I was like, the first thing

you need to do is go automatic.

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I know it's like a debate and

everyone has their opinions, but

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if you are a nervous driver, I do

think it eliminates a lot of stress.

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Um, so I would say look into that

if you've not thought about that.

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Um, And then, yeah, I don't know, I

guess just doing a bit of research,

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really, um, and reaching out to you guys.

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kev: of course.

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amy: Different things, don't you, as well?

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You don't just do what I did,

and I think everyone's different.

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Like I say, I just wanted to,

like, almost do it all in one day,

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whereas some people might want to

do, like, little bits and stuff.

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So I think, yeah, just figuring

out how you best learn and

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then, like, going, going after.

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What would work for you?

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It's probably what I would say to myself.

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Yeah,

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kev: And it's that Knowing that

the way you feel can change, you

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can change those feelings, you

can change those thoughts and you

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can , learn to manage them as well.

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So it doesn't, it doesn't mean

that how you, how somebody

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feels right at the moment, they

don't have to feel stuck there.

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It is possible to, to make those changes.

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amy: absolutely.

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I think it's hard to feel like that

sometimes and you do feel like, Oh,

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I'm going to feel like this forever.

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And like, even still, I'm like, Ooh,

I feel a bit nervous about doing that.

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Or, but then, you know, I remember

you saying that that's okay to

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be nervous and do it anyway.

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And actually anxious drivers

make great drivers because

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we're more cautious sometimes.

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So it's just, yeah.

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I think.

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It is great to look back and be like, Oh,

you know, actually feelings do change.

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Um, but also I'd say to that, like

making these notes is really key

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because actually it's so funny to

read back what I wrote to myself.

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Just the fact of even getting in the car

on my own and going around the corner.

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Like, that's wild to me that

that was so nerve wracking

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and now, like, it's nothing.

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So yeah, I think making those notes

if you decide to do this journey

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is a really good idea as well.

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kev: Brilliant.

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That reflection, being able to

look back, see how far you've come,

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because that gives you confidence

for all sorts of things, not just for

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driving, but other things in your life

that you might feel nervous about.

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So you can apply it, it's like,

oh yeah, well I felt nervous about

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that, but I can handle that level

of nervousness and do it anyway.

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And it does rewire your brain,

it does retrain your brain.

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amy: Yeah, it's, and also,

like, that you enjoy it, like,

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a little bit as well, you know?

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I feel like, uh, yeah, there's an

actual enjoyment to driving now,

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it's not just like, uh, a necessity.

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It's still, like, it's quite nice

to be able to just, like, hop

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in the car and, and whatever.

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So yeah, that comes eventually too,

which is a really nice feeling.

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. kev: Amy, when we asked you if you'd

like to come on and share your story

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with the listeners, was there anything

that you thought, Oh, I really want

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to say that, or I really want to

get that across to other people?

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Is there anything that we

haven't mentioned so far?

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amy: I feel like I've

mentioned most of it.

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I think I would just say like the not

jumping the gun, because I feel like where

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before sort of like reaching out to you

guys, I was thinking, Oh, I can't do that.

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I don't like going fast.

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I don't like doing motorways and da

da da like, and actually like, You

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don't need to think that far ahead.

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But yeah, I would just say like, just

figuring out what your goal is and it

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doesn't have to be like the same as

someone else's or like also not listening

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to the pressure of other people.

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Like my dad's always the one that's

like, Oh, you're driving up today or

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whatever, like it's that sort of pressure.

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Whereas actually, no, I'm not going to

do that yet, but I'm just going to do

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What I want to do, what's important to me

and what's going to make my life easier.

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and then, yeah, just being really,

really strong on that and not letting

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other people sway you, um, or like

pressure you into doing things that you

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don't want to do until you're ready.

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And I think that's okay.

327

:

Um, just being not sort

of like kind to yourself.

328

:

kev: That's brilliant advice.

329

:

Very wise, very wise words, definitely.

330

:

Be kind to yourself.

331

:

I like that one.

332

:

I like that.

333

:

Yeah.

334

:

So in that case, Amy, I think that's

a great place to wrap it up and just

335

:

to say thank you so much for giving

the time over this evening to record

336

:

and share your story with others.

337

:

amy: no, thank you for having me.

338

:

I hope it's helpful.

339

:

Um, cause I remember I did listen

to your podcast before sort of

340

:

signing on and stuff like that.

341

:

And on other podcasts as well that I

think you sent me were really helpful too.

342

:

Cause you don't feel alone.

343

:

Um, cause I think with things like this,

you can often feel like you're the only

344

:

one that doesn't drive or whatever.

345

:

Um, but actually it's very common.

346

:

so yeah, I think.

347

:

Yeah, just sort of do like people

doing their own research and stuff and

348

:

then finding you guys was was great.

349

:

So thank you for all your help.

350

:

kev: You're very welcome.

351

:

Thank you, Amy.

352

:

amy: Thank you.

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