Shownotes
What supports do real people in shutdown find the most helpful? And how many supports do they try? This is part 4 of the Shutdown Experiences Survey results.
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00:00 Introduction: You're Not Alone in Shutdown
00:34 Survey Insights: Most Helpful Resources
01:04 Exploring Support Options: What Works Best?
04:29 Challenges in Overcoming Shutdown
07:24 The Role of Co-Regulation and Support
10:14 Non-Professional vs. Professional Support
18:22 From Shutdown to Stillness
National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1 (800) 273-8255
National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233
LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386
National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673
Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741
Call 911 for emergency
This and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy. Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship. Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms. Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.
Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (99147).
Resources:
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🔸 Stuck Not Broken book series - https://www.justinlmft.com/books
🔸 Polyvagal 101 audio series - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/cce134e7-1550-4d33-8e56-738d344c63b0
Crisis resources:
- National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1 (800) 273-8255
- National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233
- LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386
- National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673
- Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741
- Call 911 for emergency
This and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy. Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship. Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms. Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.
Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).
Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)
Transcripts
So many people are stuck in shutdown and they each think that they're alone.
Speaker:They each think they're different or that they're hopeless.
Speaker:And you might be one of those people, but it's not hopeless.
Speaker:And you're not alone.
Speaker:Your shutdown experiences are probably really similar to other people in
Speaker:shutdown, and actually I can prove it.
Speaker:I sent out a shutdown experiences survey to my email list.
Speaker:I got about 75 people that responded to it.
Speaker:Uh, real people.
Speaker:Experiencing real shutdown.
Speaker:This is actually part four of my shutdown experiences survey results.
Speaker:I recommend watching the other three first in this one.
Speaker:I'm going to focus on what they told me are the most helpful resources.
Speaker:I hope you feel validated and less alone after this episode and a big, big
Speaker:thanks to everyone that took the time to complete my shutdown experiences survey.
Speaker:Hey, I'm Justin.
Speaker:I'm a therapist and coach and the creator of the Polyvagal Trauma Relief System.
Speaker:Um, Welcome to Stuck Not Broken, where I teach you how to live with
Speaker:more calm, confidence, and connection without psychobabble or woo woo.
Speaker:Of course, this is not therapy, nor is it intended to be a replacement for therapy.
Speaker:The first survey results that I want to go into are, well, the question
Speaker:is which of these supports have you tried and what was most helpful?
Speaker:So it's two questions that I'm gonna look at together.
Speaker:Those options are Therapy, coaching, informative content like articles
Speaker:and blogs, interactive content like workshops and webinars, group support
Speaker:like forums or flat out support groups, self help tools like apps and journals.
Speaker:religious or spiritual counseling, retreats, structured slash guided
Speaker:substance use like cannabis or MDMA, ayahuasca, that kind of
Speaker:stuff, or I haven't tried anything.
Speaker:And then I also gave people the option to fill in other things
Speaker:that they may have tried out.
Speaker:So out of all those options, the highest that people pick was
Speaker:86 percent informative content.
Speaker:Oh, by the way, respondents could pick as many as they wanted.
Speaker:would like or as many as they've actually tried.
Speaker:It wasn't limited to just one.
Speaker:So 86 percent of people said they've tried out informative content.
Speaker:That makes total sense.
Speaker:They probably, you know, found stuff on YouTube, like my stuff
Speaker:or on Instagram, even like the one minute real kind of things.
Speaker:That's, I would call that informative, potentially informative content,
Speaker:books, blogs, that kind of stuff.
Speaker:That's kind of usually, I think the starting point is we just learn.
Speaker:We're learning, uh, before we, Do anything or put anything into practice,
Speaker:just learning informative content.
Speaker:So 86 percent said that they had tried that.
Speaker:58 percent of respondents said that that was actually the most helpful.
Speaker:It's possible that after just learning or taking in informative
Speaker:content that people just stop there.
Speaker:It's uh, actually I think it's really common.
Speaker:We, we learn, we learn, we learn, but we don't take action on it.
Speaker:74 percent of respondents said they had tried therapy.
Speaker:So, well, my audience is not exactly a general audience.
Speaker:It's people that are actively looking for ways to improve
Speaker:their life or to get unstuck.
Speaker:So, having 3 out of 4 people who have tried therapy, I'm not shocked by that.
Speaker:Of those 74%, about half of them said that that was their most helpful option.
Speaker:Er, most helpful support.
Speaker:I've heard from many people that are in therapy who get some kind of benefit from
Speaker:it or don't get benefit and actually maybe feel re traumatized like that, that's
Speaker:possible that it's definitely within the realm of possibility and they find content
Speaker:like this that they find really helpful.
Speaker:They, they learn about the Polyvagal theory and shutdown state and
Speaker:how to recover, but that, that stuff's not covered in therapy.
Speaker:So it kind of makes sense to me why more people would say that informative
Speaker:content is actually the most helpful because it just makes sense, but
Speaker:they don't know how to implement it.
Speaker:So maybe it's helpful because it normalizes them and validates
Speaker:their experiences, but.
Speaker:what to do with it.
Speaker:That's, that's a different thing.
Speaker:And therapists, well, we're not all trained on, on this kind of somatic
Speaker:and polyvagal theory kind of stuff.
Speaker:At the lowest end, which I think is pretty predictable is retreats at 13
Speaker:percent and guided substance use at 21%.
Speaker:Both of these things involve a pretty hefty amount of investment in time,
Speaker:in trust in another and money as well.
Speaker:So that, yeah, it would make total sense why that would be at the lower end.
Speaker:Again, respondents could pick as many categories as they want.
Speaker:So this is really relevant because what I found most interesting out of all this
Speaker:is that the highest number of categories picked were nine and 10 and 20 through
Speaker:almost a quarter, almost one in four people had tried nine or 10 supports.
Speaker:That's a lot.
Speaker:That's a lot.
Speaker:It really struck me.
Speaker:On top of that, almost 41 percent of respondents tried 9 or more.
Speaker:So 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, possibly more.
Speaker:Almost 41 percent of people had tried 9 or more and were still stuck in
Speaker:some noticeable amount of shutdown.
Speaker:That, I thought it was really striking.
Speaker:It also kind of makes sense.
Speaker:Shutdown's not easy, especially if we're not recognizing that it's shutdown.
Speaker:If someone's treating it as like a chemical imbalance and just medicating,
Speaker:medicating, tweaking medications, doing more medication, if their therapist
Speaker:is telling them that you're depressed and this is forever and you just got
Speaker:to manage it with more medication and coping skills and whatnot, then.
Speaker:Yeah, it's, not much is going to change and you might continually
Speaker:seek out, well, what's the thing that's going to help me out?
Speaker:Shutdown is not easy to come out of.
Speaker:It's probably the slowest.
Speaker:It's the furthest down the polyvagal ladder.
Speaker:Maybe that's one reason why.
Speaker:But when we're in shutdown, there's a lot of hopelessness.
Speaker:We feel empty.
Speaker:We feel alone.
Speaker:We don't believe in ourselves.
Speaker:So continually trying the next thing or relying on the next expert
Speaker:these things add up, you know?
Speaker:And I think that might have a lot to do with it And if we don't get results
Speaker:really quickly you might give up and go to the next thing But the reality is that
Speaker:shutdown is it's a long process coming out of shutdown is not easy It is not a quick-
Speaker:obviously, it's not a quick thing.
Speaker:It's not easy.
Speaker:It's a long process and I There is, um, there might be some patience
Speaker:lacking for that and I don't, I don't blame anybody for that whatsoever.
Speaker:On top of that, the signs of coming out of shutdown are
Speaker:increased flight fight activation.
Speaker:So there might be more irritation or frustration or agitation.
Speaker:It's actually a good sign.
Speaker:It's potentially a very good sign as long as you're balancing out with
Speaker:more and more safety activation.
Speaker:That's actually a pretty good sign, but it doesn't feel like that.
Speaker:Someone might see that they are experiencing more agitation of some
Speaker:kind and think, well, this isn't working or it's, I'm doing the wrong thing.
Speaker:But really that returning mobilization is potentially a really good sign.
Speaker:So if they see that they might just jump to the next technique or support
Speaker:trying to fix that or thinking that, well, whatever I'm doing is failing.
Speaker:So I'll try something else.
Speaker:So yeah, 41 percent of people said they had tried nine or more different supports.
Speaker:The next question I asked is, how likely are you to ask for support?
Speaker:And only 9 percent of respondents are likely to ask for support.
Speaker:The vast majority of respondents, 91 percent is unlikely to ask
Speaker:to ask for support in shutdown.
Speaker:This kind of makes sense.
Speaker:We feel very alone and we feel very cut off because while we are cut off, part
Speaker:of shutdown oftentimes is isolation.
Speaker:The body when in shutdown needs to immobilize and solitude might be a
Speaker:really good idea, not isolation, not where you're like locking yourself away
Speaker:in a room in the dark, but solitude where you're maybe going to a lake
Speaker:or a beach or just a walk around the block or just sitting in the backyard.
Speaker:Something where you're immobile and alone, but okay with it, where
Speaker:it's peaceful and relaxing versus, you know, depressing and isolative,
Speaker:like in a room in the dark alone.
Speaker:So it totally makes sense why people would not reach out for support.
Speaker:The reality is that being alone is helpful, but having a couple of
Speaker:supports of people that you trust and are close to is not a bad idea at all.
Speaker:That can help come out of shutdown connecting with others
Speaker:receiving their co regulation.
Speaker:On that note, the next question is do you have people in your life
Speaker:that can provide co regulation?
Speaker:Over half said yes, the other half said no or maybe.
Speaker:So it's interesting that Half said, yes, I have people in life in my life
Speaker:that can provide co regulation, but the vast majority of those people
Speaker:are not willing to ask for it.
Speaker:And that makes sense.
Speaker:Of course, if you're going to say, you know, call someone up and say, Hey,
Speaker:can you provide me with co regulation?
Speaker:That's, they're not going to get it.
Speaker:Probably.
Speaker:You're going to feel weird doing that probably, but can you
Speaker:reconnect with someone in your life?
Speaker:Can you meet up with someone for lunch?
Speaker:Can you just call and hear their voice and say, Hey, I just want to check
Speaker:in with you, see how you're doing, or I miss you or something like that.
Speaker:Like, yeah, I think it's possible.
Speaker:But yeah, calling someone and asking for co regulation is probably not
Speaker:gonna, probably not gonna go well.
Speaker:Over half said yes, the other half said no or maybe.
Speaker:The next question is how likely are you to receive co regulation from a safe other?
Speaker:About 25 percent said that they are likely to receive co regulation from another.
Speaker:But that leaves, which is good, but that leaves 75 percent of respondents
Speaker:that will not or might receive co regulation from a safe other.
Speaker:So, more people can receive it than ask for it, which I think is something, and
Speaker:it does make actually a lot of sense.
Speaker:And, and no matter what defensive state we're in, usually we can
Speaker:receive some level of co regulation whether we're aware of it or not.
Speaker:But asking for it, putting yourself out there, risking vulnerability,
Speaker:that is a much taller order.
Speaker:The next thing I asked was what experiences have you had
Speaker:with non professional supports?
Speaker:And then after that I asked for what experiences have you
Speaker:had with professional supports?
Speaker:I'm going to summarize the responses because I got a lot and then I'm
Speaker:going to read three or four from each category in the words of the respondent.
Speaker:So, the summary of what experiences have you had with non professional supports,
Speaker:the summary is Many of my respondents found support from friends, partners,
Speaker:or peers helpful, especially those who understand trauma and co regulation.
Speaker:So if you know someone who has this knowledge, that's
Speaker:going to be more helpful.
Speaker:How many of us have that?
Speaker:Well, in this audience, maybe there's a higher number than
Speaker:in the general population.
Speaker:The next thing about the next summary from non professional supports is that
Speaker:some people prefer handling their shutdown on their own first through activities
Speaker:like movement, dance, or yoga before reaching out to others makes total sense.
Speaker:And actually, I think this is a really good idea using or receiving co regulation
Speaker:from others is great, but having that solitude to yourself might be the first
Speaker:step actually might be a really good idea.
Speaker:Solitude again is not isolation.
Speaker:Isolation is dark room cutting out the world.
Speaker:Binging on your phone.
Speaker:Solitude is I'm going to be by myself, give myself permission to feel all
Speaker:my feelings or wherever it comes up in the present moment, and then dance
Speaker:and then, uh, journal about it or, and then, uh, do some yoga, stretch out.
Speaker:Like that's what solitude is.
Speaker:I'm going to go somewhere safe, like a beach, if you have access
Speaker:to it, and just sit and be and think and feel that solitude.
Speaker:The next summary point here is that resources like books and
Speaker:courses and online communities provide valuable insights.
Speaker:So it helps them to learn.
Speaker:This helps them, just that top down learning helps them manage their
Speaker:defensive activation or their shutdown.
Speaker:The next piece is that romantic partners can offer comfort, but their responses
Speaker:can either help or worsen depending on the romantic partner's stability.
Speaker:So if you have someone who's, has a lot of access to their safety state
Speaker:and can co regulate, that's going to be more comforting than, than
Speaker:someone who doesn't, obviously, right?
Speaker:Alright, four quotes from people who are, uh, Sharing about
Speaker:their non professional support.
Speaker:Helene, who's been shut down between 11 and 30 years says, One of my best
Speaker:resources today are a couple of friends who are doing this work as well.
Speaker:We support each other and create the safe space and offer co regulation.
Speaker:So powerful.
Speaker:Carol who's been in shutdown for three to six months says
Speaker:she does a bit of online yoga.
Speaker:Short and to the point a bit of online yoga.
Speaker:A, who's been in shutdown for 31 to 40 years, says meditation techniques,
Speaker:for example, R A I N, and my UDS Unstuck in Defensive States course,
Speaker:the hardest thing is remembering slash thinking to use them in the moment.
Speaker:Absolutely.
Speaker:Learning these things is great, and I think there's some
Speaker:benefit, some top down benefit.
Speaker:But.
Speaker:Yeah, you got to implement, you got to practice this stuff as well.
Speaker:And I really encourage people practice it before the problem.
Speaker:Don't wait until you're like a seven out of 10 shutdown.
Speaker:Practice this stuff
Speaker:when you're at a two out of 10 shutdown or three out of 10 shutdown, or when
Speaker:you have more safety than not practice, be mindful, utilize the skills that
Speaker:you're learning before you need them.
Speaker:And then when you need them, it'll be more accessible.
Speaker:And finally supernova, who's been in shutdown within the past year.
Speaker:said The content and helping me understand why I am like this
Speaker:reduces my shame very significantly.
Speaker:Thank you Supernova for sharing and for my other respondents as well.
Speaker:So that was non professional supports.
Speaker:When it comes to professional supports, I have a summary and then I'll give you
Speaker:three quotes from people who responded.
Speaker:The summary is basically that some people found professional help,
Speaker:especially somatic based therapies and holistic approaches to be effective
Speaker:particularly when they're focused on co regulation, touch, and attunement.
Speaker:I think that's kind of interesting, the touch aspect of it.
Speaker:A couple people said that.
Speaker:But co regulation, as long as you have a safe other, that's gonna be, uh, that's
Speaker:gonna be more helpful than not, obviously.
Speaker:The somatic mindfulness, being aware of your body, I think that's going to be
Speaker:more helpful than, um, thinking you have some sort of illness or disease or you
Speaker:have to like get rid of your feelings.
Speaker:If you can be aware of them compassionately, that actually can
Speaker:help them to soften and alleviate.
Speaker:Several people shared that traditional just talk therapy.
Speaker:partially helped, but they felt like something was missing.
Speaker:And I think that somatic piece is the thing that's missing personally.
Speaker:A few people mentioned that therapy worsened their experience or left them
Speaker:feeling misunderstood or even blamed.
Speaker:They emphasize that finding the right therapist or maybe even the
Speaker:right approach is really important.
Speaker:I would argue the right therapist is more important than the right approach.
Speaker:The right approach, even if you found someone that was Polyvagal informed and
Speaker:really good with somatic stuff, that doesn't mean they're a good fit for you.
Speaker:Uh, so I think the techniques only go so far as the relationship
Speaker:does personally, but having a balance of both would be ideal.
Speaker:A couple of people said that coaching, they actually prefer that over therapy.
Speaker:When coaching is focused on change and education.
Speaker:So really like goals and present moment stuff.
Speaker:And other people said that they have not even allowed professionals to
Speaker:witness their full shutdown state.
Speaker:Like they kind of keep it in check or they hold it back.
Speaker:And of course that leads to them not feeling like it
Speaker:was addressed or recognized.
Speaker:Yeah, I mean, part of this is, you know, how much you bring to the
Speaker:table as far as what you're sharing.
Speaker:The therapist sh or maybe coach, should also be able to recognize what, you
Speaker:know, some experiences of, of shutdown if they're informed in this stuff.
Speaker:If not, then it just looks like depression and they're gonna say it's a chemical
Speaker:imbalance and you know, you gotta cope with this for the rest of your life.
Speaker:Specific quotes from the professional supports, uh, Steph, who's been in
Speaker:shutdown for up to 50 years, says Spiritual psychotherapy has been
Speaker:my guiding star as has been pranic healing slash energy work to literally
Speaker:shift my energy when I cannot.
Speaker:Jessica, in shutdown for up to 30 years, says For about seven years
Speaker:I have had therapy once a week.
Speaker:My therapy is somatic experiencing.
Speaker:And I still laughed at myself because I started with my therapist
Speaker:before I knew any of this stuff.
Speaker:But somatic experiencing and polyvagal kind of go hand in hand.
Speaker:So it works out very well for me.
Speaker:I have found my therapy to be very helpful.
Speaker:I am a huge proponent of coaching, but personally, I think I need more
Speaker:supports or have needed more intense support than what a coach could offer.
Speaker:I am also very limited on time, but if I didn't have therapy, I would
Speaker:certainly do coaching because I think that would be so beneficial and
Speaker:supportive for my growth and recovery.
Speaker:Really happy for Jessica.
Speaker:She found something that works for her.
Speaker:And it really like, it sounds like aligns with what she needs.
Speaker:And yeah, I agree.
Speaker:I agree with, with, uh, with Jessica here that coaching is helpful, but is
Speaker:not for, if you need more, some, you might need more support than that.
Speaker:Coaching is good for present and goal oriented, but crises and, uh,
Speaker:mental, like it's, you know, it's more serious mental health kind of stuff.
Speaker:Like obviously that that's not a coaching thing.
Speaker:So the therapy route and having more intensive supports could be
Speaker:totally appropriate for someone.
Speaker:Coaching is great for someone for the person that's like ready to
Speaker:change for the person that is like they're just sick of it and they're
Speaker:ready to put something into action.
Speaker:Coaching is I like how it's so direct and like we're here to like make
Speaker:steps forward and as long as you have someone who's aligned with that I
Speaker:think coaching can be really effective.
Speaker:I find it really enjoyable personally.
Speaker:Oh, and Jessica, you're right.
Speaker:Yeah, therapy Somatic experiencing and Polyvagal theory.
Speaker:I think definitely do go hand in hand.
Speaker:So thank you so much for my respondents for sharing your experiences of
Speaker:shutdown I think I have one more episode of this Of this series to wrap
Speaker:up the Shutdown Experiences Survey.
Speaker:I'll have that out pretty soon But yeah Thank you for people who responded
Speaker:and I know i'm speaking for the person watching this and the next person
Speaker:watching this as you know thank you for the people who filled this out.
Speaker:And yeah When you get a moment like read some of the comments on youtube is on
Speaker:these shutdown videos a lot of people are in shutdown, stuck in shutdown, and
Speaker:there's also a lot of support for them.
Speaker:It's kind of cool to see the, the love and the support for people, um, and
Speaker:the shared experiences of shutdown.
Speaker:I guess the point is thank you.
Speaker:And I know there's people listening and benefiting from this.
Speaker:So thank you to my respondents.
Speaker:And thank you dear listener for joining me on Stuck Not Broken.
Speaker:If you're ready to take the next steps in compassionately coming out of shutdown,
Speaker:I have the perfect course for you.
Speaker:It's called Shutdown to Stillness, More Inner Peace in Four Weeks.
Speaker:It teaches you how to combine your shutdown state with
Speaker:safety, resulting in stillness.
Speaker:It covers validating, normalizing, and even giving permission for
Speaker:your shutdown to exist with safety.
Speaker:And it not only covers these as far as teaching, but we do light
Speaker:practices, ever so light practices.
Speaker:We lightly practice validation and normalization and even giving your
Speaker:shutdown permission to be present.
Speaker:We feel into safety and we combine that with shutdown resulting in stillness.
Speaker:It's designed specifically for the person who is in shutdown and is starting
Speaker:their process of coming out of shutdown.
Speaker:When we come out of shutdown, the next step is it could be
Speaker:fight activation, flight, fight activation, but fight in particular.
Speaker:But before that, stillness is more likely, or I think is ideal, combining safety with
Speaker:shutdown and stillness, and then accessing the mobilization of flight fight energy.
Speaker:So if we can get someone in stillness, that means that they can then be more
Speaker:curious, open and mindful of returning sympathetic flight fight activation.
Speaker:Shutdown to Stillness is in the Stuck Not Broken Total Access Membership,
Speaker:along with three other courses, a wonderful private community, open
Speaker:Q and A's, a second podcast, and a whole bunch of other stuff as well.
Speaker:Visit justinlmft.
Speaker:com slash total access.
Speaker:If you want to learn more about it, or if you want to join the Stucknaut
Speaker:Collective in the Stuck Not Broken Total Access Membership again, justinlmft.
Speaker:com slash total access.
Speaker:I cannot wait to welcome you into the community.
Speaker:Bye.
Speaker:This podcast is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or
Speaker:be a replacement for therapy.
Speaker:Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.
Speaker:Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are
Speaker:experiencing mental health symptoms.
Speaker:Nothing in this podcast should be construed to be specific life advice.
Speaker:It is for educational and entertainment purposes only.
Speaker:More resources are available in the description of this episode
Speaker:and in the footer of justinlmft.
Speaker:com.
