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Changing Mindset | Shifting our Focus to Living instead of Achieving
Episode 1222nd November 2022 • Reclaiming Ourselves™ • Sonya Stattmann
00:00:00 00:44:41

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So often, we measure success by achievements: money made, promotions earned, awards bestowed. Sonya and Emily know that mindset can drive a wedge between ourselves and our values, and keep us from living truly and honestly. 

Changing mindset is about shifting how we see the world. In this episode, Sonya & Emily dive into what it looks like to shift into a living mindset instead of an achievement mindset. 

They’ll show you how to feel when you’re stuck in the loop of achieving, and how to stop working for someday and start living for now.

Join us as we discuss

  • 07:48 The illusion of an endpoint to achieving, beyond which we’ll find fulfillment.
  • 10:15 How chasing achievement leaves us vulnerable to being exploited.
  • 16:38 What to do when your circumstances make it challenging to take time for your own priorities.
  • 21:25 How to recognize the differences between achievement mindset and living mindset.

Resources mentioned in the show: (If appropriate)

Learn more about Sonya & Emily

—> Sonya Stattmann is the host & creator of Reclaiming Ourselves™. She is a TEDx & corporate speaker and has been working with leaders around personal development for the last 22 years. She teaches workshops & offers small group programs around emotional intelligence, transformational & embodied leadership, and energy management. You can find more about her here:

Website: https://www.sonyastattmann.com/

Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sonyastattmann/

—> Emily Soccorsy [So-KOR-SEE], co-host of Reclaiming Ourselves, believes branding is how people experience what you believe. As owner and CEO of Root + River, a brand strategy team, Emily uses her talents to help leaders uncover the foundations of their brand: message, audience, differentiators, and overall brand strategy. She’s also an author, speaker, poet, artist, and mom of two daughters (and a 130-pound Great Pyrenees named Archie) and partner to her husband of over 20 years. You can find more about her here:

Website: https://rootandriver.com/

Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/emilysoccorsy/ 


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Thank you for being you. We are so honored to have you as a listener!





Transcripts

Sonya Stattmann:

And I think, you know, there's this difference between making

Sonya Stattmann:

our work this massive achievement.

Sonya Stattmann:

We have to have.

Sonya Stattmann:

We have to go big, we have to go, strong.

Sonya Stattmann:

We have to be the best, versus understanding the life we wanna

Sonya Stattmann:

have, whatever that is, whatever that feels like, how we wanna

Sonya Stattmann:

live, and then working toward it.

Sonya Stattmann:

And whatever that stepping stone looks like the focus has

Sonya Stattmann:

changed, the lens has changed.

Sonya Stattmann:

When we're looking at those two things differently.

Emily Soccorsy:

yes.

Emily Soccorsy:

To all of that.

Emily Soccorsy:

I think we do because achievements are finite and they're usually binary.

Emily Soccorsy:

It's like, get to this income level, or get this promotion, or write this book.

Emily Soccorsy:

What?

Emily Soccorsy:

They're so clear and crisp and yes.

Emily Soccorsy:

Stark, which is beautiful for our minds.

Emily Soccorsy:

So we set more time, we, we put more time and effort into setting

Emily Soccorsy:

them, and then they feel more.

Emily Soccorsy:

concrete Versus the way that we wanna live.

Emily Soccorsy:

I don't, I think that we don't reflect on that very much.

Emily Soccorsy:

It can be like more of a felt experience.

Emily Soccorsy:

It can be more esoteric or ethereal, not as concrete.

Emily Soccorsy:

And so as a result, our minds which are wired for concreteness, are like,

Emily Soccorsy:

Oh, I can't solve that easily, so I'm moving on to the more achievable thing.

Sonya Stattmann:

If you know there is something deep inside of you

Sonya Stattmann:

that is yearning to be seen, to be known, and to have expression.

Sonya Stattmann:

If there's something you need to reclaim and remember: maybe it's your

Sonya Stattmann:

power or your purpose, your gifts.

Sonya Stattmann:

This is the podcast for you.

Sonya Stattmann:

Welcome to Reclaiming Ourselves.

Sonya Stattmann:

I'm your host, Sonya Stattmann and I'm honored to have three amazing

Sonya Stattmann:

co-hosts, Laura Shook-Guzman, Belinda Haan, and Emily Soccorsy, here with

Sonya Stattmann:

me on this journey to self discovery.

Sonya Stattmann:

Every week we're gonna help you unravel and remember what it means to reclaim

Sonya Stattmann:

yourself, to own who you are, to recognize your innate worth and greatness.

Sonya Stattmann:

Now this podcast is a deep dive into self-development,

Sonya Stattmann:

healing, and empowerment.

Sonya Stattmann:

So hold on.

Sonya Stattmann:

Here we go.

Sonya Stattmann:

Hi, and welcome back to Reclaiming Ourselves.

Sonya Stattmann:

I have our beautiful co-host, Emily, back into the podcast studio, and today we're

Sonya Stattmann:

gonna talk about something that I think is a really important exploration, right?

Sonya Stattmann:

We're gonna talk about, how.

Sonya Stattmann:

Do we want to live versus what do we want to achieve?

Sonya Stattmann:

I feel like in so many ways, the world is designed to have us

Sonya Stattmann:

exploring what do we wanna achieve?

Sonya Stattmann:

What do we wanna achieve next?

Sonya Stattmann:

What's our next goal?

Sonya Stattmann:

What's the next thing we're reaching towards?

Sonya Stattmann:

And yet that often can come at the cost of how we're living.

Sonya Stattmann:

And so I'm really excited for Emily to kind of unpack this with us.

Sonya Stattmann:

Tell us a little bit of her viewpoint.

Sonya Stattmann:

And Emily, let's, let's start there.

Sonya Stattmann:

Tell us a little bit about what you think about this topic.

Emily Soccorsy:

Yes.

Emily Soccorsy:

I'm so excited for this discussion because.

Emily Soccorsy:

I think achievement mindset, and I have been in that mindset for a lot, many

Emily Soccorsy:

parts of my life, but I think achievement mindset really robs us of blinds us to.

Emily Soccorsy:

What is going on in our lives?

Emily Soccorsy:

And I, I, I see concepts visually.

Emily Soccorsy:

Like they, they come over me, you know, in a, in a visual sense.

Emily Soccorsy:

And I see it almost like this dark, thick, theater curtain that kind of falls around

Emily Soccorsy:

us in our desire to focus on achievements.

Emily Soccorsy:

And so it really does isolate us from the present and from the moment.

Emily Soccorsy:

But The achievement mindset is all around us and we're steeped in

Emily Soccorsy:

it from the time that we are born.

Sonya Stattmann:

Yeah.

Emily Soccorsy:

And part of the process of reclaiming ourselves, it's a matter

Emily Soccorsy:

of, I think, kind of pulling apart this curtain and peeking out, right?

Emily Soccorsy:

Letting the light come in and peeking out and then stepping out from behind it.

Emily Soccorsy:

So that's kind of, that's sort of the visual that pops to mind.

Emily Soccorsy:

I don't know if any of our listeners will, will resonate with that,

Emily Soccorsy:

but that's how it shows up for me.

Emily Soccorsy:

Feels or looks to me.

Sonya Stattmann:

Yeah, I love that.

Sonya Stattmann:

And I love the visualness, right?

Sonya Stattmann:

Like, I think it helps, I don't know, just capture kind of the essence

Sonya Stattmann:

of this feeling and this talk and yeah, I think, you know, it's really

Sonya Stattmann:

challenging when we've been taught in every aspect to focus on achievement.

Sonya Stattmann:

I mean, we're taught, you know, we're taught that in school and, you know,

Sonya Stattmann:

getting good grades and making A's, and like even so young, we're forced

Sonya Stattmann:

on this idea of achieving something, of being great, of being the best.

Sonya Stattmann:

And then that just carries you.

Sonya Stattmann:

Every aspect of our lives.

Sonya Stattmann:

And I know, like even being a business owner,

Emily Soccorsy:

Mm-hmm.

Sonya Stattmann:

it has been so challenging because I feel like I've

Sonya Stattmann:

been at war with that mindset, right?

Emily Soccorsy:

Mm.

Sonya Stattmann:

like I'm not really an achiever is not motivating to me.

Sonya Stattmann:

Like internally, I've never been motivated by success or by goals or

Sonya Stattmann:

by, you know, I have things I want and, and there's so much more about

Sonya Stattmann:

how I wanna feel and how I wanna be.

Sonya Stattmann:

but I always have had this idea that I have to achieve,

Sonya Stattmann:

that's what is required of me.

Sonya Stattmann:

And so I've often felt like it wore inside myself with like, this piece that

Sonya Stattmann:

needs to achieve and this piece that just wants to experience and be and slow down.

Sonya Stattmann:

And And I think a lot of people feel that, that, you know, fighting, you

Sonya Stattmann:

know, kind of innately inside of them.

Emily Soccorsy:

Yes, that competing energy, that's

Emily Soccorsy:

what it feels like to me too.

Emily Soccorsy:

It's like when I'm, on my own and I'm in more of my creative mode, like the

Emily Soccorsy:

essential me, the deep self, I call her

Sonya Stattmann:

Mm.

Emily Soccorsy:

I don't feel any of that compulsion.

Emily Soccorsy:

I feel compel compelled to create and I can feel compelled to

Emily Soccorsy:

express and it's Pretty mellow there and there's a flow state.

Emily Soccorsy:

But then you take me and you put me into an achievement environment, like the

Emily Soccorsy:

visual of a classroom comes to mind.

Emily Soccorsy:

Um, I was recently, for several years, a part of a business group that is global

Emily Soccorsy:

business group that will remain nameless.

Emily Soccorsy:

But you put me, you drop me there.

Emily Soccorsy:

I'm suddenly like, Okay, I wanna get the gold star.

Emily Soccorsy:

I wanna get the a.

Emily Soccorsy:

Oh, you need me to set these markers, you need me to do sales projections.

Emily Soccorsy:

You need me to every quarter do this and that.

Emily Soccorsy:

and like, no matter how true I wanna stay to the deep self,

Emily Soccorsy:

I am drawn, I am sucked in.

Emily Soccorsy:

And.

Emily Soccorsy:

I'm leaning into that mindset with, with some sense of hope that, and I

Emily Soccorsy:

think this is reinforced by the society around me, that when I am fully marking

Emily Soccorsy:

off those accomplishments, those achievements, I will feel transformed.

Emily Soccorsy:

And it's this weird faith of like, but when you get to that number and when

Emily Soccorsy:

you know when I will have done all these things, I will feel X, Y, Z, and

Emily Soccorsy:

whatever, I will feel a sense of reward.

Emily Soccorsy:

I will feel achievement.

Emily Soccorsy:

I will feel I can finally do these things.

Emily Soccorsy:

And I've been in business for myself long enough to know that that's not true.

Emily Soccorsy:

And that was so like when I first achieved this huge goal.

Emily Soccorsy:

I was so shocked.

Emily Soccorsy:

. I was so shocked with the reality of like the deep self is not

Emily Soccorsy:

satiated, is not feeling full, and the achiever self isn't either.

Sonya Stattmann:

Yeah, it's an illusion, right?

Sonya Stattmann:

It's great big illusion that we've been fed, that somehow at the end of

Sonya Stattmann:

the achievement rainbow, we're gonna find the pot of gold, joy, fulfillment,

Sonya Stattmann:

happiness, purpose, and like it never.

Sonya Stattmann:

Comes if the road is achievement.

Sonya Stattmann:

That's the thing.

Sonya Stattmann:

you know, it's really interesting to just even acknowledge this and talk

Sonya Stattmann:

about this because I think it's so deeply rooted in our, identities.

Sonya Stattmann:

That most of the time we don't even realize it's there.

Sonya Stattmann:

Even when we're on a spiritual path, even when we're working towards

Sonya Stattmann:

self development, even that be can become the achievement road.

Sonya Stattmann:

And so, you know, it's really interesting to step back for a minute and look

Sonya Stattmann:

at ourselves because every one of us, I guarantee, is on the achievement

Sonya Stattmann:

road, and the question is looking at.

Sonya Stattmann:

Is this how we wanna live?

Sonya Stattmann:

Right.

Sonya Stattmann:

And maybe the achievement road you're on is how you wanna live, Right?

Sonya Stattmann:

That there's no wrong or right, But is it that's the question.

Emily Soccorsy:

Right.

Emily Soccorsy:

It's parsing out, it's the, the wisdom, um, the wisdom of,

Emily Soccorsy:

of, uh, Victor Frankel, right?

Emily Soccorsy:

the, stimulus and the response.

Emily Soccorsy:

It's the space in between.

Emily Soccorsy:

Because I find for myself, like that space is so brief, is so quick.

Emily Soccorsy:

every day.

Emily Soccorsy:

I read, um, Mark Nepo.

Emily Soccorsy:

and one of his, entries the other day was, notice what you, you know where,

Emily Soccorsy:

where you get into float state, where you feel called to spend more time.

Emily Soccorsy:

I am reading this passage in the morning.

Emily Soccorsy:

It's one of the first things that I do in the day, and I'm immediately

Emily Soccorsy:

going, Oh yeah, well, I really like to do this, so how can I create a thing

Emily Soccorsy:

around that and then monetize and before I'm even done with the page,

Emily Soccorsy:

and then I get to, and I'm not even fully aware that that's the mindset.

Emily Soccorsy:

And then I get to his little reflection at the end, which says, Don't try to

Emily Soccorsy:

do anything with this it outsmarted.

Emily Soccorsy:

Said, Don't make this into a task.

Emily Soccorsy:

Don't make this into anything else that you would need to cr like build upon.

Emily Soccorsy:

And I just went, Oh yeah.

Emily Soccorsy:

And then that was the moment when I saw all of that.

Emily Soccorsy:

So it is creating that space between the stimulus, the call to the world that

Emily Soccorsy:

wants us, and this is what I kind of started thinking about as I reflected

Emily Soccorsy:

on our conversation, or I got ready for a conversation today, was that we are.

Emily Soccorsy:

In a good state for manipulation when we are distracted by the achievement

Emily Soccorsy:

that the world really wants us to value.

Emily Soccorsy:

And so there's a lot of incentive for the society, for the corporation

Emily Soccorsy:

in a, in a, to, to kind of put a big scary name on that.

Emily Soccorsy:

To keep us in that distracted achievement minded space because then we can, they

Emily Soccorsy:

can dangle the raise or the promotion or the this or the that, so that they can

Emily Soccorsy:

continue to use our minds, our bodies, our spirits, our hearts for their gain.

Emily Soccorsy:

And I know that sounds really maybe radical for some people listening, but.

Emily Soccorsy:

that's what's happening.

Emily Soccorsy:

I mean, we're being compensated through monetary means,

Emily Soccorsy:

but that's what's going on.

Emily Soccorsy:

So I think being in that achievement state of mind, opening up some space

Emily Soccorsy:

and going, Who benefits from this?

Emily Soccorsy:

Just to your point earlier, what am I getting outta this?

Emily Soccorsy:

It made me like, no, it keeps me motivated, it keeps me

Emily Soccorsy:

going great, but maybe it's.

Emily Soccorsy:

Oh, it's actually draining my battery.

Emily Soccorsy:

I'm not feeling fulfillment when I'm hitting these marks.

Emily Soccorsy:

and, and that's been a process for me.

Emily Soccorsy:

Like I said, like I, I grew up in a big family and so I thought I

Emily Soccorsy:

had to kind of achieve to be seen.

Emily Soccorsy:

And then I also never felt like my achievements were seen . So

Emily Soccorsy:

that was, that was lovely.

Emily Soccorsy:

and so I, that script was set pretty early and I continued to seek that, a, the gold

Emily Soccorsy:

star, the straight A's through throughout my life and drive as part of who I am.

Emily Soccorsy:

But in this season, I've had a lot of things recently just turn, turn

Emily Soccorsy:

in a direction I didn't anticipate.

Sonya Stattmann:

Yep.

Emily Soccorsy:

Initially, after it was all said and done, I'm in

Emily Soccorsy:

this big transition moment and, and when it was all kind of done, the

Emily Soccorsy:

ink was dried and everything, I was like, that came right up right away.

Emily Soccorsy:

The achievement mindset.

Emily Soccorsy:

Thankfully I recognized it.

Emily Soccorsy:

I.

Emily Soccorsy:

With the help of, of my coach and other people around me saying,

Emily Soccorsy:

Okay, you can take a breath here.

Emily Soccorsy:

But immediately my instinct was to, okay, set new goals, start moving again.

Emily Soccorsy:

And now where I'm in is, is the space of, okay, how do I wanna

Emily Soccorsy:

live and let me build around that.

Emily Soccorsy:

And in this moment, I wanna live in this space of, I don't know.

Emily Soccorsy:

And.

Emily Soccorsy:

, I'm just leaving space, just spaciousness.

Emily Soccorsy:

I'm resisting the urge to achieve or to set markers for myself,

Emily Soccorsy:

which is uncomfortable, but also healing in a way I'm finding

Sonya Stattmann:

Yeah, for sure.

Sonya Stattmann:

I, I feel like I've been through many of those time periods

Sonya Stattmann:

where I had to kind of stop.

Sonya Stattmann:

I mean, I was definitely a high achiever.

Sonya Stattmann:

I mean my, um, Dad in particular was very much about like, Where's your 102?

Sonya Stattmann:

I'd bring home a hundred.

Sonya Stattmann:

He'd be like, Where's the bonus points?

Sonya Stattmann:

You know, like the achievement was like strong in me.

Sonya Stattmann:

And even in college, I got all A's in six years of college except for one B, which

Sonya Stattmann:

I wept about cause I got one V right?

Sonya Stattmann:

and it broke me.

Sonya Stattmann:

I got two hours sleep a night in college.

Sonya Stattmann:

I was working full time, putting myself through.

Sonya Stattmann:

And when I graduated, Here.

Sonya Stattmann:

I had achieved this great score in my college.

Sonya Stattmann:

I achieved a degree, I achieved all this.

Sonya Stattmann:

I put myself through college, right?

Sonya Stattmann:

All these things I'd achieved.

Sonya Stattmann:

And I was completely dissatisfied.

Sonya Stattmann:

I was completely, in illusion about like, what do I do next?

Sonya Stattmann:

And, and what does this all mean?

Sonya Stattmann:

And, and I feel like there was this.

Sonya Stattmann:

Breaking point of identity at that moment where I had to stop and

Sonya Stattmann:

be like, What do I really want?

Sonya Stattmann:

Like even after six years of college, full-time work, all of that, I enrolled

Sonya Stattmann:

the first semester out in a whole series of continuing educ classes.

Sonya Stattmann:

was like, Oh no.

Sonya Stattmann:

Just like, I'll do more classes.

Sonya Stattmann:

And I actually dropped all of them and it was like this huge awakening for me of,

Sonya Stattmann:

you know, just recognizing and exploring.

Sonya Stattmann:

And I call that year my fairy.

Sonya Stattmann:

Because for the whole year, all I did was wait tables.

Sonya Stattmann:

All I did was play.

Sonya Stattmann:

All I did was explore myself.

Sonya Stattmann:

I mean, I would spend hours journaling and reading and it, it was like this

Sonya Stattmann:

year where I let go of achievement of all kinds of achievement.

Sonya Stattmann:

I didn't even try to get a job, you know, a real job.

Sonya Stattmann:

I didn't do anything.

Sonya Stattmann:

I just let myself experience and, and it totally.

Sonya Stattmann:

Changed me in every way.

Sonya Stattmann:

And it was the first time I felt something other than the achievement mindset.

Sonya Stattmann:

And of course I went back into the loop, right?

Sonya Stattmann:

So started a business back into the loop in many different ways and forms.

Sonya Stattmann:

I.

Sonya Stattmann:

But that was my first real taste of what it feels like when you really, really let

Sonya Stattmann:

go of what the world's telling you you be.

Sonya Stattmann:

And I call it my fair year because it was like the best year of my life, right?

Sonya Stattmann:

ways.

Sonya Stattmann:

I mean hard in others, but it was so joyful.

Sonya Stattmann:

It was, it was so freeing.

Sonya Stattmann:

And I think, you know, that's what I really carried with.

Emily Soccorsy:

Yeah.

Sonya Stattmann:

come back to in my time of forgetting , what I

Sonya Stattmann:

back into the achievement mindset.

Emily Soccorsy:

Yeah.

Emily Soccorsy:

Yeah.

Emily Soccorsy:

Two things jump out at me from your story.

Emily Soccorsy:

It's like, I wonder when we go back into the loop, cuz you do.

Emily Soccorsy:

I do.

Emily Soccorsy:

I did the same thing in college.

Emily Soccorsy:

I'm like, I had somebody in high school challenge me about like

Emily Soccorsy:

whatever college I was gonna get into.

Emily Soccorsy:

So it's like, oh fine, you just watch this.

Emily Soccorsy:

get straight A's in college.

Emily Soccorsy:

And then you'll say like that mattered.

Emily Soccorsy:

Um, so we'll go reenter the loop at some point.

Emily Soccorsy:

And maybe that's purposeful.

Emily Soccorsy:

Like maybe we're meant to learn something in the achievement loop that

Emily Soccorsy:

we then once we get spit out of it, go, Oh, okay, but that's time around.

Emily Soccorsy:

I learned this about myself, or I learned that these are the kind of

Emily Soccorsy:

conditions that I do like to be in.

Emily Soccorsy:

I wanna believe that because , I don't wanna just believe

Emily Soccorsy:

that I'm just the dummy.

Emily Soccorsy:

Keep learning the same lesson over.

Emily Soccorsy:

But um, so that jumps out at me right away.

Emily Soccorsy:

And then, um, this other question of like, not all of us

Emily Soccorsy:

are like so fortunate, right?

Emily Soccorsy:

Like we can't always take a break, right?

Emily Soccorsy:

We can't always be not achievement minded because maybe your salary

Emily Soccorsy:

is connected to that achievement.

Emily Soccorsy:

Maybe you're racing small children or you know, you're working our listeners,

Emily Soccorsy:

you know, working really long hours.

Emily Soccorsy:

So what I like to think about, and I like to kind of take these big ideas, but like

Emily Soccorsy:

break 'em down into really small ways that in the every day we can practice

Emily Soccorsy:

more living and less achievement mindset.

Emily Soccorsy:

So the, I kinda, I kind of did that, I kind of put pen to paper

Emily Soccorsy:

on, on what that might look like.

Emily Soccorsy:

so I just wanna be sensitive to the fact that not everyone is able to

Emily Soccorsy:

just like hit the, you know, eject button out of that achievement mindset

Emily Soccorsy:

or, or the society, the world, the culture that we're set up inside of.

Sonya Stattmann:

hundred percent.

Sonya Stattmann:

And I think a lot of times going back into the loop was the result of

Sonya Stattmann:

that for A time when I was a single parent and I had no money and I

Sonya Stattmann:

wasn't sure I was gonna feed my kid or you know, when I lost everything.

Sonya Stattmann:

Like there were, there were definitely times.

Sonya Stattmann:

That out of desperation that I got kicked back into the loop.

Sonya Stattmann:

And then also times out of, you know, desire to achieve something or,

Sonya Stattmann:

thinking I should achieve something.

Sonya Stattmann:

And so, you know, I love that.

Sonya Stattmann:

I love that you brought that point up because, that was a

Sonya Stattmann:

precious time period for that first time for me because I was free.

Sonya Stattmann:

I didn't have kids, I didn't have obligations.

Sonya Stattmann:

I could, I could live like that.

Sonya Stattmann:

Um, but it is definitely, it definitely was different in the other times of

Sonya Stattmann:

my life and, you know, and no way.

Sonya Stattmann:

I think, are we saying dump all your achievements, right,

Emily Soccorsy:

No

Sonya Stattmann:

just Dump all your achievements.

Sonya Stattmann:

You know, it is about navigating in whatever situation, place,

Sonya Stattmann:

circumstance, life that you're in now.

Emily Soccorsy:

Yeah, and I think it's about the awareness of like,

Emily Soccorsy:

okay, I'm, I'm stepping into that mindset of like that kick like I think

Emily Soccorsy:

of it like, get it done, kick ass.

Emily Soccorsy:

Like, go as hard as you can.

Emily Soccorsy:

Knowing that I'm gonna have to do this for X amount of years, X

Emily Soccorsy:

amount of days, or, you know, five days a week or six days a week.

Emily Soccorsy:

And then I am going to carve out a little bit of space intentionally to breathe.

Emily Soccorsy:

but it's about like knowing, knowing that I'm entering into this loop and,

Emily Soccorsy:

and then also knowing I'm resisting that, Oh, that's interesting.

Emily Soccorsy:

Why am I resisting that?

Sonya Stattmann:

Yeah.

Sonya Stattmann:

And I think, too, know, there's a difference between making the

Sonya Stattmann:

achievement, the focus making the, the work we do a step, a stepping

Sonya Stattmann:

stone to whatever we're creating.

Sonya Stattmann:

Right?

Sonya Stattmann:

there's, this like subtle difference between those things, you know, because.

Sonya Stattmann:

I can make my work, You know, let's, because if we're talking about income,

Sonya Stattmann:

which I think a lot of people will have that question, Well, yeah, that's great to

Sonya Stattmann:

not have achievements, but I've gotta make income, I've gotta feed my family, right?

Sonya Stattmann:

I think it's a very legitimate fear.

Sonya Stattmann:

It's been in most of the business clients I've worked with over the years, right?

Sonya Stattmann:

Like, how do I feed my family?

Sonya Stattmann:

How can I do what I love when I have to feed my family, right?

Sonya Stattmann:

this, you know, this real fear, this real worry, this legitimate

Sonya Stattmann:

thing that they have to navigate.

Sonya Stattmann:

And I.

Sonya Stattmann:

think You know, there's this difference between making our

Sonya Stattmann:

work this massive achievement.

Sonya Stattmann:

We have to have.

Sonya Stattmann:

We have to go big, we have to go, strong.

Sonya Stattmann:

We have to be the best, versus understanding the life we wanna

Sonya Stattmann:

have, whatever that is, whatever that feels like, how we wanna

Sonya Stattmann:

live, and then working toward it.

Sonya Stattmann:

And whatever that stepping stone looks like the focus has

Sonya Stattmann:

changed, the lens has changed.

Sonya Stattmann:

When we're looking at those two things differently.

Emily Soccorsy:

yes.

Emily Soccorsy:

To all of that.

Emily Soccorsy:

I think we do because achievements are finite and they're usually binary.

Emily Soccorsy:

It's like, get to this income level, or get this promotion, or write this book.

Emily Soccorsy:

They're so clear and crisp and yes.

Emily Soccorsy:

Stark, which is beautiful for our minds.

Emily Soccorsy:

So we set more time, we, we put more time and effort into setting them,

Emily Soccorsy:

and then they feel more concrete.

Emily Soccorsy:

Versus the way that we wanna live.

Emily Soccorsy:

I don't, I think that we don't reflect on that very much.

Emily Soccorsy:

It can be like more of a felt experience.

Emily Soccorsy:

It can be more esoteric or ethereal, not as concrete.

Emily Soccorsy:

And so as a result, our minds which are wired for concreteness, are like,

Emily Soccorsy:

Oh, I can't solve that easily, so I'm moving on to the more achievable thing.

Emily Soccorsy:

But I think in reflecting on this, that when I looked at myself, I was like,

Emily Soccorsy:

Okay, living versus achieving, like those mindsets, what are the differences?

Emily Soccorsy:

Like what what is a result?

Emily Soccorsy:

If I'm living in a, okay, I'm, I wanna live fully today versus a,

Emily Soccorsy:

I really wanna achieve this thing.

Emily Soccorsy:

What are the differences between those mindsets?

Emily Soccorsy:

So the first thing that kind of struck me was like, when I'm in the live

Emily Soccorsy:

mindset, it's a daily day by day.

Sonya Stattmann:

Yeah.

Emily Soccorsy:

It's a daily thing.

Emily Soccorsy:

When I'm in the achieve mindset, it's a someday,

Emily Soccorsy:

it's a someday thing.

Emily Soccorsy:

And so I'm not really, which leads to the second one.

Emily Soccorsy:

I'm not really present in the live mindset.

Emily Soccorsy:

I'm present cuz I'm like, do I wanna work outside for a couple hours?

Emily Soccorsy:

Do I wanna stop and take a walk?

Emily Soccorsy:

Do I wanna go have a coffee with someone?

Emily Soccorsy:

it's right now it's present and I need to be present too.

Emily Soccorsy:

Am I hungry?

Emily Soccorsy:

Am I tired?

Emily Soccorsy:

Am I, is my, um, are my legs going numb because I've been sitting for too long

Emily Soccorsy:

at this desk, You know, whatever it is.

Emily Soccorsy:

Versus in the achieve mindset, I'm in the future.

Emily Soccorsy:

I'm already designing what it looks like.

Emily Soccorsy:

For me to exist in the world where the achievement is made.

Emily Soccorsy:

And so being in that future mindset, it's pulling me out of this moment.

Emily Soccorsy:

I'm not noticing, I'm not really fully here.

Emily Soccorsy:

and I think that that gives way to that.

Emily Soccorsy:

The brain going into constant overdrive on planning mode.

Emily Soccorsy:

And I have fallen into that, whether it's planning a trip for my family or it's

Emily Soccorsy:

planning, uh, an event or it's planning, um, something around the business.

Emily Soccorsy:

But the mind can just go into overdrive so easily there in

Emily Soccorsy:

the, in the Achieve mindset.

Emily Soccorsy:

And as a result, I get disconnected from like my body and from.

Emily Soccorsy:

Just planning like, Oh, when I'm going to eat lunch,

Sonya Stattmann:

Yeah.

Emily Soccorsy:

know, just like the immediate planning.

Emily Soccorsy:

So I think body connection can kind of be severed as well.

Sonya Stattmann:

and that's really interesting, right?

Sonya Stattmann:

Cuz the more I learn about like what happens when we're really

Sonya Stattmann:

disconnected to our body, right?

Sonya Stattmann:

Like, so much trauma is a part of that.

Sonya Stattmann:

Like where we disconnect from our body, so many of our f.

Sonya Stattmann:

responses, our fear responses, our nervous system responses, or like disconnecting

Sonya Stattmann:

right from our body cuz we're fighting or we're, you know, disassociating

Sonya Stattmann:

or we're freezing or we're, you know, And so it, it's really interesting.

Sonya Stattmann:

To recognize how important it is to be more embodied, how important it's to

Sonya Stattmann:

be more connected to our bodies, you know, to, to recognize our responses, to

Sonya Stattmann:

understand what's happening, to feel, what we feel, to understand our desires, right?

Sonya Stattmann:

There's all these ways in which being connected to the body is so important

Sonya Stattmann:

and if the achievement mindset always takes us out of the body.

Sonya Stattmann:

what is happening to us?

Sonya Stattmann:

Right?

Sonya Stattmann:

Like, what is happening to us?

Sonya Stattmann:

So I think that's a really interesting connection because we live in a world

Sonya Stattmann:

that is constantly promoting that, that, environment, which perpetuates

Sonya Stattmann:

this disconnection to our disconnection to our feel, sense, disconnection

Sonya Stattmann:

to our joy and our fulfillment and our, our satiation, right?

Sonya Stattmann:

satisfaction

Emily Soccorsy:

And yet this is another interesting wrinkle here.

Emily Soccorsy:

And yet we venerate.

Emily Soccorsy:

And I personally, I'm a huge sports fan, so I venerate people

Emily Soccorsy:

who are bringing that together.

Emily Soccorsy:

Like they're using their bodies to achieve something, But you can see

Emily Soccorsy:

the stories unfold and the narratives unfold where someone's mindset is off

Emily Soccorsy:

or the relationship in a team gets fractured and then that affects, so

Emily Soccorsy:

that's just, that's just kind of a side, um, a detour, but a little bit.

Emily Soccorsy:

But it's connected, Like it's fascinating to me how people can

Emily Soccorsy:

stay connected to their body and.

Emily Soccorsy:

an achievement mindset.

Emily Soccorsy:

Um, and I just wonder what that experience is like.

Emily Soccorsy:

I'm not a, an athlete, but it's,

Sonya Stattmann:

But are they connected to their body?

Sonya Stattmann:

Because I, I often think athletes have to disconnect to push themselves the right?

Sonya Stattmann:

To overuse their body, to injure their body, and then have to keep going.

Sonya Stattmann:

And so many of those.

Sonya Stattmann:

Circumstances, they have to disconnect.

Sonya Stattmann:

They can't live in the pain and fully experience it, why they're achieving.

Sonya Stattmann:

So there has to be this disconnection by they're using their body, but know, often,

Sonya Stattmann:

I mean this is like a total side kind of

Sonya Stattmann:

trail, but Yeah, and I, and I think, you know, when we're actually embodied,

Sonya Stattmann:

when we're actually connected to our body, we don't see it as an object

Sonya Stattmann:

to We see it as thing to live in.

Sonya Stattmann:

And I don't know how many athletes actually experience that.

Sonya Stattmann:

I mean, it'd be really interesting to talk to some, you know, talk to

Emily Soccorsy:

Yeah, well, especially post, um, retirement because I think

Emily Soccorsy:

a lot of it, and you know, I love to read, I'm a reader, a voracious

Emily Soccorsy:

reader, and, um, ESPN does an amazing job, um, on their documentaries.

Emily Soccorsy:

Um, the 40 for 40 series telling the stories of athletes really outside of

Emily Soccorsy:

the, the field of play, so to speak.

Emily Soccorsy:

And you see that process of, well, I'll deal with this later.

Emily Soccorsy:

Like I'll, to your point, I will turn off the, like, pain

Emily Soccorsy:

sensors and, and then later.

Emily Soccorsy:

They nego they have to renegotiate their identity and reconnect to

Emily Soccorsy:

their bodies in new ways where they're not being objectified.

Emily Soccorsy:

Um, but I, I do think it's really, it's really reflective.

Emily Soccorsy:

I guess we're doing the same thing, you know, when we're in that

Emily Soccorsy:

achievement mindset as entrepreneurs or as parents, whatever, we

Emily Soccorsy:

are turning off certain inputs.

Emily Soccorsy:

We're turning off those inputs and like, I'll deal with that later.

Emily Soccorsy:

Mm-hmm.

Sonya Stattmann:

like exhaustion burned.

Sonya Stattmann:

Being burned out.

Sonya Stattmann:

is in burnout is really an epidemic at this point.

Sonya Stattmann:

And so, you know, so many people because of that achievement mindset or ignoring

Sonya Stattmann:

the cues that they need to slow down or ignoring the cues that they need to

Sonya Stattmann:

rest know, at least pace themselves in whatever they're doing or take breaks.

Sonya Stattmann:

Um, even if it's just a few minutes a day.

Sonya Stattmann:

And so, yeah, it's really

Emily Soccorsy:

Mm-hmm.

Emily Soccorsy:

. Sonya Stattmann: course, it's perpetuated

Emily Soccorsy:

or by the

Emily Soccorsy:

Yeah.

Emily Soccorsy:

The structure is all around us.

Emily Soccorsy:

Mm-hmm.

Emily Soccorsy:

, they just encourage that.

Emily Soccorsy:

And even the competition that we see and we expose ourselves to over

Emily Soccorsy:

and over, like a comparison mindset.

Emily Soccorsy:

I mean, social media really just amplifies that.

Emily Soccorsy:

Um, I was listening to a podcast the other day and they were talking

Emily Soccorsy:

about, Well, you know, I have these, these really good close friends,

Emily Soccorsy:

but I see on social media, That, you know, people are getting together.

Emily Soccorsy:

Who was a grown adult woman?

Emily Soccorsy:

Just, just like talking about should I be doing something

Emily Soccorsy:

different or like, am I missing out?

Emily Soccorsy:

And She's like, Is that something I need to set as an achievement?

Emily Soccorsy:

Right?

Emily Soccorsy:

That I go on the family vacation or that we have the girls weekends

Emily Soccorsy:

and I mean, it's all such bullshit.

Emily Soccorsy:

It's all just this construct, right?

Emily Soccorsy:

Of what people are selecting to share and um, and then you're applying

Emily Soccorsy:

that as an achievement for you.

Emily Soccorsy:

And that's not even.

Emily Soccorsy:

It's not even real.

Emily Soccorsy:

And, and also in that image that you're seeing that's so appealing

Emily Soccorsy:

from a neurological standpoint and The reality is the mosquitos are biting.

Emily Soccorsy:

somebody got way too drunk last night, like . There's weird

Emily Soccorsy:

relationship stuff going on.

Emily Soccorsy:

I mean, we don't, as human beings, Really flesh out that picture completely.

Emily Soccorsy:

Instead, we just apply that judgment or that, ideal to it and compare ourselves

Emily Soccorsy:

to it, and so insidious and so insidious

Sonya Stattmann:

Yeah.

Sonya Stattmann:

And , it reminds me right now, because, you know, as I, I have been getting

Sonya Stattmann:

really into, you know, human design, which, know, I'm like a little baby at

Sonya Stattmann:

it, so I'm sure some of our listeners are like really into it, but, It's

Sonya Stattmann:

been helping me understand like why a lot of things in my life haven't

Sonya Stattmann:

worked out and why some have Right.

Sonya Stattmann:

You know, like, it, it's been helping me kind of unpack why I operate the

Sonya Stattmann:

way that I do and why I've struggled to operate as a different kind of energy.

Sonya Stattmann:

Um, cuz for me, I'm a generator, which really just means that, I.

Sonya Stattmann:

Need to respond to things rather than initiate things.

Sonya Stattmann:

But as a business owner, I've constantly spent my life initiating

Sonya Stattmann:

and exhausting myself and depleting myself a little energy.

Sonya Stattmann:

And then, looking out to see what should I achieve next, or

Sonya Stattmann:

what should my business achieve?

Sonya Stattmann:

Or, you know, what kind of client should I have?

Sonya Stattmann:

Or how much money should I make?

Sonya Stattmann:

Right?

Sonya Stattmann:

There's, there's all these kind of outside influences that I've, I've seen,

Sonya Stattmann:

and then I tried to initiate things for myself instead of the times that I.

Sonya Stattmann:

Let myself sit.

Sonya Stattmann:

in feeling right in my gut response, in my emotional, you know, sense of things,

Sonya Stattmann:

understanding what I wanna achieve.

Sonya Stattmann:

And I think, you know, when we talk about achievement, there's a difference

Sonya Stattmann:

between when something lands for me that I really am willing to go after and I'm

Sonya Stattmann:

really willing to achieve that because the, uh, cuz I know there's a knowing that

Sonya Stattmann:

achieving that will bring fulfillment.

Sonya Stattmann:

But that is very different than 99% of what I've tried to achieve in my life,

Sonya Stattmann:

which is very much about what I see in the world I should want, or you know, what I

Sonya Stattmann:

think I need to achieve for A, B, and C.

Sonya Stattmann:

And so there is this like difference too something that is like, Yes, I want

Sonya Stattmann:

to achieve that because it feels right.

Sonya Stattmann:

It feels right for me, and there's a different quality of going after that.

Sonya Stattmann:

So it's not the same as what I think we're calling the achievement mindset, right.

Sonya Stattmann:

There is space in that.

Sonya Stattmann:

I mean, my biggest things that I really felt that I wanted to achieve,

Sonya Stattmann:

that I was excited about, that I could feel were really right for

Sonya Stattmann:

me, there was an infinite patience.

Sonya Stattmann:

Like it wasn't like I need to achieve it tomorrow or next

Sonya Stattmann:

week or next month, right?

Sonya Stattmann:

There was no desperation.

Sonya Stattmann:

It was like, this is what I'm gonna work towards.

Sonya Stattmann:

and if it takes my whole life, that's okay.

Sonya Stattmann:

you know, it has such a different quality in it and the road to

Sonya Stattmann:

achieving it is very different.

Sonya Stattmann:

And so, you know, it's not that we're saying don't achieve anything.

Sonya Stattmann:

Right.

Sonya Stattmann:

And, you know, forget achievement of all kinds, but I think it's really

Sonya Stattmann:

understanding where am I coming from?

Emily Soccorsy:

Yeah, I, I think that you've really hit on

Emily Soccorsy:

something like, it's, it's a really good kind of reflection point.

Emily Soccorsy:

is there an absence of desperation?

Emily Soccorsy:

You know, what is that setting of that goal or, or, um, accomplishment.

Emily Soccorsy:

, how do you live into it?

Emily Soccorsy:

And that goes back into the living.

Emily Soccorsy:

If our focus is on, how am I living into that, what is the

Emily Soccorsy:

energy of bringing to that?

Emily Soccorsy:

If it's like, oh, a tensing.

Emily Soccorsy:

If it's a desperation, like, Oh God, I gotta, I gotta, you

Emily Soccorsy:

know, if it feels like that, then maybe that's not the achievement.

Emily Soccorsy:

that is in alignment for you.

Emily Soccorsy:

Just something, you know, something to consider there.

Emily Soccorsy:

I think that's a really, that's a really good point.

Emily Soccorsy:

Um, if it feels like there's ample energy, as you said it, it feels like there's

Emily Soccorsy:

not, like a hard timeline or there's.

Emily Soccorsy:

Patience, as you said, then that could be a sign that that's something that's

Emily Soccorsy:

more in alignment with, with who you are instead of being imposed on you.

Emily Soccorsy:

And we talked about this in our first panel episode, right?

Emily Soccorsy:

The imposition of the world, how that's imposed.

Emily Soccorsy:

And then we start taking it, kind of taking those pieces off.

Emily Soccorsy:

I think that that can help us say, Oh, that's a piece that's being imposed.

Emily Soccorsy:

I'm gonna take that off and reclaim a part of that core self, the deep self.

Emily Soccorsy:

To move forward and to explore what is the thing that's in alignment for

Emily Soccorsy:

me and how do I pace that for myself?

Emily Soccorsy:

Because I think PACE has a lot to do.

Emily Soccorsy:

It's a lot to do with how we consider it living.

Emily Soccorsy:

I mean, I think we've sort of given up this idea of pace.

Emily Soccorsy:

I think it, when you, when you like live in this society, there's sort

Emily Soccorsy:

of this resignation of of, Oh well I have to grind and I have to be.

Emily Soccorsy:

actually, that's a choice.

Emily Soccorsy:

And when you travel and you know, you travel, you live abroad, you see?

Emily Soccorsy:

Right.

Emily Soccorsy:

You see that?

Emily Soccorsy:

That's not the only way

Sonya Stattmann:

Mm-hmm.

Sonya Stattmann:

And

Sonya Stattmann:

it's hard break Like, you know, I mean, I live in a town, in a

Sonya Stattmann:

culture that is so much slower.

Sonya Stattmann:

The pace is like, the pace is so great and I wanna live in that all the time.

Sonya Stattmann:

And yet I constantly face my own doubts, my own demons.

Sonya Stattmann:

Am I not achieving enough?

Sonya Stattmann:

Am I being lazy?

Sonya Stattmann:

Like those thoughts still come up, you know?

Sonya Stattmann:

should I have bigger goals?

Sonya Stattmann:

Should I have more goals?

Sonya Stattmann:

Should I accomplish more?

Sonya Stattmann:

Cause I feel like I'm moving like a snail.

Sonya Stattmann:

And even that's a judgment, you know?

Sonya Stattmann:

I mean, sometimes I get together with, you know, other entre entrepreneurs and, you

Sonya Stattmann:

know, I talk about our goals or whatever we're doing, and , every time I get

Sonya Stattmann:

there, I'm like, I'm achieving nothing.

Sonya Stattmann:

You know, I'm like, and of course that's not true, but, The pace that I'm operating

Sonya Stattmann:

now is so dramatically different than even what I operated in a year ago.

Sonya Stattmann:

That, it's like I still face my own judgment and demons doubts you

Sonya Stattmann:

know, because I still am involved in a world that is fast paced, right?

Sonya Stattmann:

Not just where I live, which is more slow paced.

Sonya Stattmann:

But you know, the entrepreneur world, the social media world,

Sonya Stattmann:

the, you know, the world that we're still all very enmeshed in,

Emily Soccorsy:

Yeah, like gotta world, You've gotta do

Emily Soccorsy:

this, you've gotta do that.

Emily Soccorsy:

You gotta get, if you're gonna do that program, it's almost like if you mention

Emily Soccorsy:

something like, Oh, this is interesting.

Emily Soccorsy:

To be like, Okay, well, are you gonna create the community?

Emily Soccorsy:

Gotta get to love . It's like suddenly this spark of an idea.

Emily Soccorsy:

got fast tracked into like a breakdown of all the things I have to do now.

Emily Soccorsy:

I have the long list of things I have to do and I have no energy

Sonya Stattmann:

Yes, experience that all the time.

Sonya Stattmann:

Do you have that?

Sonya Stattmann:

Emily, please tell me that.

Emily Soccorsy:

I was just talking to another friend about this.

Emily Soccorsy:

She's like, Where's the person who can just take all my ideas

Emily Soccorsy:

and then just make 'em happen?

Emily Soccorsy:

I'm like, I don't know.

Emily Soccorsy:

Will you find that person?

Emily Soccorsy:

You better share cuz that's overall, But then I, I was examining that,

Emily Soccorsy:

I was questioning that like, again, we're going back into like a

Emily Soccorsy:

commoditization mindset like, Let's just stay in, in the creative space.

Emily Soccorsy:

As she and I called it.

Emily Soccorsy:

We were both like, love to play with Barbie's.

Emily Soccorsy:

We were a little, she's like, Let's just keep playing Barbie's.

Emily Soccorsy:

And I was like, Okay.

Emily Soccorsy:

Yeah, yeah.

Emily Soccorsy:

Right, right, right.

Emily Soccorsy:

Get back to like just playing Barbie's and be like, Oh yeah.

Emily Soccorsy:

And then maybe the Barbie's go down the side and then and, but it's hard.

Emily Soccorsy:

We have to intentionally push back from that, that force, that, uh,

Emily Soccorsy:

waterfall that's gonna come down over us saying, and this is how.

Emily Soccorsy:

Make this into something productive.

Sonya Stattmann:

Yeah.

Emily Soccorsy:

and I think too, when to go back to like living versus

Emily Soccorsy:

achieving, when you're in the Achieve mindset, you're like imagining what

Emily Soccorsy:

the reward is gonna feel like or look like or what you're gonna do with it.

Emily Soccorsy:

But when you're in a living mindset, you're living the reward like every day.

Sonya Stattmann:

Yeah.

Emily Soccorsy:

I can get so wrapped up in like, Oh, but when I get my

Emily Soccorsy:

business to this level, or when my kids are at this point, then I can.

Emily Soccorsy:

Instead of going to your point like you said you did, you've

Emily Soccorsy:

done, you've achieved nothing.

Emily Soccorsy:

But it's like, no, you've achieved a lot.

Emily Soccorsy:

I mean, in this year you launched this podcast, you pulled us all together.

Emily Soccorsy:

Like, just as an example, like you're living the reward right now is, is the

Emily Soccorsy:

thing that you have created and done.

Emily Soccorsy:

So when we have that living mindset, You probably said at some point, wouldn't

Emily Soccorsy:

it be great to just do interviews with awesome people and have this audience?

Emily Soccorsy:

Right, And it's happening right now.

Emily Soccorsy:

So when the living mindset we, we can, if we, if we see that, if we're able to

Emily Soccorsy:

open our eyes to it, we can celebrate that and we can actually be in the reward.

Emily Soccorsy:

I don't think we think about that a lot.

Emily Soccorsy:

We're like, Oh, the reward's out there.

Emily Soccorsy:

When it's all done, When the season's done, or when I get to this point, then.

Sonya Stattmann:

Yeah.

Sonya Stattmann:

And you know, when I, when I used to coach people, this is a new thing for

Sonya Stattmann:

me now that I'm not coaching anymore.

Sonya Stattmann:

used to coach people for 20 years, it, was interesting because when I asked people

Sonya Stattmann:

what they wanted, right, like always their desires, their goals, their values, what

Sonya Stattmann:

they really wanted was a huge part of the work that you start with because they

Sonya Stattmann:

need to align whatever goals they have with the work they're gonna do with you.

Sonya Stattmann:

Right?

Sonya Stattmann:

That's like, I think an important part of coaching.

Sonya Stattmann:

and when you unpack what people really desire, so often they're

Sonya Stattmann:

like, ah, I want freedom.

Sonya Stattmann:

And almost all the people that I worked with, to some degree, they

Sonya Stattmann:

would, it would kind of boil down to I would just want more freedom.

Sonya Stattmann:

I'm like, Cool.

Sonya Stattmann:

And their idea was, Well, I'll have freedom at retirement.

Sonya Stattmann:

I'll have freedom once I make a million dollars.

Sonya Stattmann:

I'll have freedom once I have a partner.

Sonya Stattmann:

Like whatever it was, right?

Sonya Stattmann:

I'll have freedom when A, B, C, D, E, FG and a hundred steps more happen.

Sonya Stattmann:

And I would, coach them and support them to look at, But

Sonya Stattmann:

where do you have freedom now?

Sonya Stattmann:

How can you increase that feeling?

Sonya Stattmann:

That experience right now and when they started to to practice that,

Sonya Stattmann:

right, it changed everything.

Sonya Stattmann:

Like so many people, you know, within a month were like, Wow,

Sonya Stattmann:

I have so much more freedom.

Sonya Stattmann:

And I'm like, Yeah, you know, like And that is exactly what it was.

Sonya Stattmann:

The living mindset versus the achieving mindset.

Sonya Stattmann:

And it didn't mean they stopped having goals or they stopped wanting

Sonya Stattmann:

their business to be something, but they were living way more and

Sonya Stattmann:

experiencing so much more satisfaction, fulfillment, and often time it changed

Sonya Stattmann:

their goals quite dramatically.

Emily Soccorsy:

Hmm.

Emily Soccorsy:

Yes, I've definitely can resonate with that.

Emily Soccorsy:

It, it's a funny story a few years ago, um, through this, This business group I

Emily Soccorsy:

was part of, I met with someone who's a coach cuz I, you know, and get to know him

Emily Soccorsy:

and see if there was a fit for coaching.

Emily Soccorsy:

We had coffee, hadn't had a conversation, and they shared where I was at and

Emily Soccorsy:

he said, you know, what do you, what's your ultimate like goal?

Emily Soccorsy:

Like what's your ultimate thing that you want?

Emily Soccorsy:

And I said, No hesitation and it remains for me.

Emily Soccorsy:

But I said, Total creative freedom.

Emily Soccorsy:

Total creative freedom is my, it's my qu to term from the dream choir.

Emily Soccorsy:

It's my everything.

Emily Soccorsy:

And he's like, Well, don't you have that now?

Emily Soccorsy:

And whenever I get confronted with a truth in most circumstances, I

Emily Soccorsy:

wanna punch someone in the face

Emily Soccorsy:

So that popped up right away.

Emily Soccorsy:

Um, not a violent person, but I'm like, Oh, punch you in the face.

Emily Soccorsy:

how dare you tell me that truth?

Emily Soccorsy:

And I, I could not get it out of my.

Emily Soccorsy:

And I was like, Wow, do I, And I wanted to say, no, I don't.

Emily Soccorsy:

What do you, you know, how dare you.

Emily Soccorsy:

And then I realized I have so much, I, yeah, what, what am I talking about?

Emily Soccorsy:

I may not be at the pinnacle of that yet, but I have so much creative freedom.

Emily Soccorsy:

you know, it's like sitting around waiting for someone to, to free you or to

Emily Soccorsy:

take care of you or to show up for you.

Emily Soccorsy:

And it's like, you're already here.

Emily Soccorsy:

You can do this.

Emily Soccorsy:

For yourself.

Emily Soccorsy:

Like how much is right in front of us that we are waiting on someone else to give us.

Emily Soccorsy:

and I, I do think that's more of an achievement mindset because part of

Emily Soccorsy:

that achievement is like, well, everyone will see that I've gotten to this point,

Emily Soccorsy:

but when we are living, it's like, How can I open my eyes to see what's right

Emily Soccorsy:

in front of me or meet my own need?

Emily Soccorsy:

it's right there.

Emily Soccorsy:

And it, it's the small acts, small acts that can, can really help to

Emily Soccorsy:

give us that sense of satisfaction.

Emily Soccorsy:

And it's pretty deep, I think.

Sonya Stattmann:

Yeah.

Sonya Stattmann:

Yeah.

Sonya Stattmann:

And that kind of brings me, you know, as we're, we have to wrap up soon, but know,

Sonya Stattmann:

as we do that, I mean, where do we start?

Sonya Stattmann:

Right.

Sonya Stattmann:

So here we are.

Sonya Stattmann:

We're like, Ooh, this is interesting.

Sonya Stattmann:

Yeah.

Sonya Stattmann:

Do I have an achievement mindset?

Sonya Stattmann:

Am I, really thinking about how I wanna live?

Sonya Stattmann:

Like where's a good place to start?

Emily Soccorsy:

Well this, this, this brings me to the last comparison, which I

Emily Soccorsy:

think to a certain extent, the achievement mindset set is one around withholding of.

Emily Soccorsy:

Good things from ourselves,

Sonya Stattmann:

Mm.

Emily Soccorsy:

And I think the living is one of giving ourselves, like when

Emily Soccorsy:

you're truly living and you're truly in the moment, you're like, What do I need?

Emily Soccorsy:

What I really want right now?

Emily Soccorsy:

And then you can say, Oh, I really want a cool glass of water.

Emily Soccorsy:

And then you can go and you can get yourself a clean, cool glass

Emily Soccorsy:

of water, which is a miracle, which is actually a miracle.

Emily Soccorsy:

and if there's enough mindfulness around that, you can feel it all the way through.

Emily Soccorsy:

You.

Emily Soccorsy:

Like my emotional practice, it's like I wanna feel things all the way through.

Emily Soccorsy:

You can feel the miracle of that all the way through.

Emily Soccorsy:

And so I think it begins with small things like that.

Emily Soccorsy:

I think it begins with dumping.

Emily Soccorsy:

Withholding dumping the, I think that's also a reflection of when

Emily Soccorsy:

I'm worthy kind of, of thought train and saying, No, I'm worthy.

Emily Soccorsy:

Now I'm worthy.

Emily Soccorsy:

Now I can give this to myself.

Emily Soccorsy:

I can give a walk down the block to myself.

Emily Soccorsy:

you know what?

Emily Soccorsy:

I can't help you with your homework right now cause I need 10 minutes to myself.

Emily Soccorsy:

you can give yourself three deep breaths.

Emily Soccorsy:

I was kind of frazzled before we started this conversation,

Emily Soccorsy:

and so I gave myself 3D breaths.

Emily Soccorsy:

Actually probably took about five or six

Emily Soccorsy:

Um, and as I was doing it, it's not just about the doing.

Emily Soccorsy:

I'll say this too.

Emily Soccorsy:

It's not just about the doing it, do it, definitely do it, but as you're doing it,

Emily Soccorsy:

go, I'm breathing, it's changing the way I feel, and I'm drinking this cool water.

Emily Soccorsy:

What did that take to.

Emily Soccorsy:

Out of my faucet.

Emily Soccorsy:

Wow.

Emily Soccorsy:

What a miracle.

Emily Soccorsy:

those are the small, tiny, micro moments that we can begin to shift from that

Emily Soccorsy:

achieving mindset into the living mindset.

Emily Soccorsy:

And that is really a gateway for reclaiming that essential

Emily Soccorsy:

self, that deep self.

Sonya Stattmann:

So good.

Sonya Stattmann:

I mean, I feel like that last thread we could actually make a

Sonya Stattmann:

whole entire new podcast on, right?

Sonya Stattmann:

Like, I don't even think I connected this topic with the idea of withholding.

Sonya Stattmann:

. And yet I can feel that,

Sonya Stattmann:

how often our achievement mindset is the carrot, are the stick, and you know, is

Sonya Stattmann:

just withholding all the goodness we have right now in our lives, right now, in

Sonya Stattmann:

our relationships, right now in our work, right now in our, you know, everything.

Sonya Stattmann:

And so that's really powerful way to end this, topic and this podcast episode.

Sonya Stattmann:

So thank you Emily, for bringing all that wisdom to.

Emily Soccorsy:

You're so welcome.

Emily Soccorsy:

Love the

Sonya Stattmann:

And thank you everyone for listening,

Sonya Stattmann:

and we will see you next week.

Emily Soccorsy:

Hey, it's Emily.

Emily Soccorsy:

I hope something from our conversation today inspired you.

Emily Soccorsy:

And if you find yourself curious about my work about intrinsic branding or

Emily Soccorsy:

about Root and River, I invite you to head over to rootandriver.com where

Emily Soccorsy:

you can sign up for our newsletter, or you can read some of our free content.

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