Shownotes
In this episode of This Daring Adventure podcast, I discuss the liberating concept of 'Staying in Your Own Lane.' Based on the work of Byron Katie and The Life Coach School, it's the idea of minding one's own business and letting go of the need to control others.
According to Katie, there are three types of business—your own, someone else’s, and the universe’s. I also talk about the idea of emotional adulthood and how adults have the right to live their lives as they choose.
Trying to fix or control others often stems from our own desire for peace and relief, which ultimately leads to unnecessary suffering for both parties.
Instead, if we "allow" adults to live their life as they chose and we embrace unconditional love, we can support others without the need to control them, thereby alleviating our suffering.
When we reflect on answering the question 'What would love do?' we can ultimately untie our emotions to the other person's life and experience an ease and release that can enable us to support and help the other person, if we so choose from a place of love.
Your suffering does not help them, nor does it help you.
Key moments:
02:11 Byron Katie's Concept of Business
02:53 Emotional Adulthood and Personal Responsibility
04:41 The Illusion of Control and Its Consequences
06:19 Supporting Others Without Suffering
09:37 Unconditional Love and Letting Go
11:16 Conclusion and Final Thoughts
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Transcripts
Welcome to This Daring Adventure podcast,
where we work on bridging the gap between
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:where we are and where we want to be in
order to live a bigger and bolder life.
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:In this podcast, we will provide
inspiration, tips, and skills
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:you need to make your life the
adventure you want it to be.
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:Here's your host, mindset
mentor and life coach Trista G
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:Trista: Hey, everybody.
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:Welcome back to This Daring Adventure.
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:My name is Trista Guertin.
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:I am your host.
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:Thank you so much for joining me today.
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:I am just back into work after a bit
of a vacation with family and friends,
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:and I'm excited about this topic.
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:The title is Stay in Your Own Lane.
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:It's something that I was thinking
about while I was at home.
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:A couple of things came up.
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:Part of it is the work
that I've been doing.
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:On myself over the past few years
and letting people be minding my
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:own business, not telling people
how they should live their lives.
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:It's not easy and maybe I'm not a
hundred percent perfect at it, but
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:it is such a liberating concept
when you can do it effectively.
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:I think about all the drama that used to.
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:I used to create around, thinking
about talking about how different
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:family members should live their lives,
how friends should live their lives.
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:It can be anybody, right?
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:It could be your partner.
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:It could be your boss.
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:It could be your colleagues.
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:It could be your sister.
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:It could be, A friend, it's basically
anybody and everybody possibly.
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:And just letting that all go has been so
freeing and so liberating that I wanted
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:to talk a little bit about it today.
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:And I was listening to a podcast about
Byron Katie and some of her work, and
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:she's a, she's an author and a speaker.
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:One of her concepts was that basically
there are three types of business in the
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:world my business your business and the
universe's business and Basically, we
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:need to just stay in our own business
and not get into someone else's business
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:or the universe's business meaning
basically we shouldn't get into how
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:someone else should live their lives.
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:And that we shouldn't second guess the
universe, why somebody was born, why
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:something is happening, why the weather
the way is the way it is, anything
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:like that, anything that's out of our
control, basically, we should just
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:focus on what is in our control, which
is how we show up, what we think, what
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:we feel, what we do, and to basically
stay in our own lane and the idea
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:also is complemented by the concept of
emotional adulthood, which I've done a
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:previous podcast episode on something
that I learned at the Life Coach School.
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:Where adults, anybody over the
age of 18 can do what they want.
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:adults have the authority and the power
to live their lives as they choose.
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:And there may be consequences, of course,
but we cannot say how they should live
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:their lives, what they should do, what's
best for them, that we should know better,
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:and that we basically don't have any
control over changing them or fixing them.
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:And it's common, right?
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:We feel the need to fix somebody.
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:If someone we love Or someone we work
with or somebody we know and care about
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:is drinking too much or doing drugs or
struggling to find work or struggling with
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:money or struggling in a relationship.
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:We want to help them.
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:We want to fix them.
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:We want to change them.
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:And The underlying belief there is that
we know better how they should live their
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:lives or what their life should be like.
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:And what it does is cause suffering
for us because we can't control them.
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:No matter what we do, we will
not be able to control them.
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:We will not be able to
change them ultimately.
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:And we believe that if they would
just do whatever it is, stop
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:drinking, stop smoking, leave
that relationship, get a job.
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:Then they would feel better.
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:They would be happy.
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:They would be at peace.
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:And then we would get to feel relief
and peace and happy and better.
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:And I think, we all have someone
in our lives who doesn't behave
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:the way we want them to behave.
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:And we are adamant that we
know better than they know how
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:they should live their lives.
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:probably we feel a
sense of responsibility.
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:I feel like this is something that
is well intended for the most part
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:and well meaning, but that, we feel
a sense of responsibility to control
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:them and to control their lives.
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:Because, ultimately then, we will
feel better about their lives,
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:and then we won't have to worry
about them, we won't have to stress
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:about it, there won't be any drama.
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:We want to help them, so then they can
be happy, and then we can be happy.
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:But, if you can come from a place of
not suffering, and help them, then
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:you eliminate a lot of the drama
and you eliminate the suffering.
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:You don't need to suffer in order to
help them, You don't need to tie your
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:emotions to their circumstances and what
they're doing and what they're saying.
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:You can feel better right now because
ultimately your suffering doesn't help
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:them and It obviously doesn't help you.
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:Think about what it would be like
for you to just let them live
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:their life however they want.
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:What would that feel like for you?
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:And you don't have a choice, by the way.
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:But they get to choose what they
want to do with their lives.
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:And I'm not saying you can't be there, and
you're not supporting them, and you're not
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:helping them in a way that you want to.
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:But it's dropping the belief that they
need to change in order for you to feel
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:better, because that will never work.
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:And, Right now, you can feel
better regardless of how
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:they're living their life.
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:You can be there for them in such a
better way if you're not trying to
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:control them and change them for your
benefit so that you can feel better.
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:You can feel better now.
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:And when we try to help them from,
for their sake, in essence, what
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:we try to do is help them for their
sake, but really it's for ours.
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:Because we want them to be safe.
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:We want them to be happy.
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:We want them to be at peace because then
we will be happy and we will be at peace.
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:But Your suffering, your worry is not
serving them and it's not serving you.
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:We have to be able to let other
adults live the life that they want
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:to live and trust that they are
on their own journey and that they
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:are exactly where they need to be.
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:And that they can live their
life without us controlling
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:them, without us changing them.
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:you can choose to be there to
support and help them, or not.
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:And you want to reflect on, is what you're
doing based on your fear or on love?
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:You don't need to fix them.
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:You don't need to change them.
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:It's like we're afraid that if
we're not afraid or worried, then
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:something bad will happen to them.
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:And somehow if we worry enough and
we stress enough, then we can prevent
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:the bad things from happening.
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:But that's not true.
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:If you can come from love and talking
like unconditional love, not from
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:fear, not from worry and not from
control, how would you show up?
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:One of the questions I like to ask myself
and my clients is what would love do?
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:Now this isn't easy, I'm not saying that
it's going to be easy or comfortable,
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:but it's not supposed to be, but you
can reduce the suffering and you can
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:find some ease in releasing the need to
control and the need to fix people and
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:trust that they are on their journey
and be there if you want to support
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:them and if you want to help them,
if you can, if they want it or not.
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:But from a place of love,
you can feel better now.
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:You do not have to tie your emotions
their experience or their circumstances.
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:It serves absolutely no one and you will
feel the ease of letting all that go and
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:it just might improve your relationship
overall with this person in the long run.
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:So stay in your own lane.
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:You can't change people,
you cannot control them.
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:But ask yourself, what would love do?
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:Just be there with unconditional love.
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:Help them, support them, or not.
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:But let them live their lives.
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:Alright, that's what I have for you today.
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:Thanks everybody for joining me.
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:I hope you have a great week.
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:And I will be back next
week with another episode.
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:Take care, bye bye.
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:Thank you for listening to
this Daring Adventure podcast
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:with your host Trista Guertin.
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:We hope you enjoyed the tips
and conversations on how to
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:get excited about life again.
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:As always, you can head to
tristaguertin.com for additional resources
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:and to book a one on one coaching session.
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:You can also follow Trista on
Instagram at tristavguertin.
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:Don't forget to subscribe, rate,
and review us on Apple Podcasts.
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:Thanks again for tuning in
and we'll see you next time.
