How to overcome thinking that is holding you back

It's mini-episode Monday!

Today you'll learn how to stop ruminating and move forward after leaving a job or a relationship.

I walk you through my five step process to gaining awareness, recognizing frequent thoughts, processing emotions, refocusing your mindset, and reinforcing new thoughts.

This process helps you identify and separate facts from your brain's dramatic interpretations, validate your feelings, release emotions, choose empowered thoughts, and practice them until they become your new reality.

Perfect for anyone feeling stuck and ready to move on.

Key Moments:

00:00 Introduction: Moving On from the Past

00:55 Step 1: Awareness and Thought Download

02:52 Step 2: Identifying Frequent Thoughts and Emotions

04:30 Step 3: Releasing Stuck Emotions

07:20 Step 4: Refocusing Your Thoughts

09:09 Step 5: Reinforcing New Beliefs

Connect with Trista:

Upcoming Group Coaching Program: For more details and to reserve your spot in the 10-week program starting May 1st, visit https://pages.tristaguertin.com/products/getunstuckgroupcoaching

If this episode resonated with you, consider joining our upcoming group coaching program to embark on a transformative journey alongside like-minded women. Spaces are limited, so secure your spot today!

Thank you for tuning into This Daring Adventure. Don't forget to subscribe, share this episode with friends, and leave a review to help more women discover their path to a fulfilling life.

Website: www.tristaguertin.com

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Trista: 00:00:00

Hey everybody, so this is for you if you left a job or a relationship,

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maybe a few months ago or a few years

ago, and you can't stop thinking about it.

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You're not working there anymore.

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Maybe you're not in that

relationship anymore.

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In your mind, you're still having the

same conversations, still trying to make

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sense of how it ended, still feeling

hurt, maybe angry or maybe a little

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ashamed, and honestly, you're exhausted.

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You keep saying, I want to move on,

but your brain keeps dragging you back.

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So today I want to walk you

through five simple but powerful

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steps to help you stop ruminating.

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Let's end those thought loops

and get you moving forward.

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Alright, so let's go First is awareness.

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Awareness is always the first step.

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You have to see what's

going on in your brain.

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You have to get that clarity

because you cannot change what

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you're not willing to look at.

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So I want you to get a piece

of paper or open up the notes

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app and write it all out.

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Every thought you have about that job,

this is called a thought download.

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You want to write, don't edit

yourself, don't censor yourself.

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Just write about how it ended.

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Why you left.

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What you're still carrying.

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Don't worry.

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If you don't want anybody to see

this, you can always tear it up,

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throw it out, burn it, whatever

you wanna do after this exercise.

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Now that you've written out your

story, you want to go back through

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it and ask, what is a fact here?

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It has to be something that you

could prove in a court of law.

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So identify what's a fact, and

then you wanna take a look at

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what's my brain's interpretation?

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What's the drama that I'm adding?

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For instance, they treated

me unfairly is not a fact.

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I had three meetings where I

disagreed with my manager is a fact.

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This is the beginning of emotional

freedom because you take back

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your power the moment you separate

facts from your brain's drama.

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Our brain loves to add

drama, but it's not helpful.

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It acts as a warning system.

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It's trying to protect us.

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It's looking for problems defaulting to

the negative, but it's not helpful and we

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get really sucked into all of that drama.

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So, once you've now written it

all out, step two is to look

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for the most frequent thought.

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What's the one that stands

out to you the most?

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Maybe it's, I shouldn't have

left, or I was misunderstood.

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Maybe it's I failed.

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Or it could be they didn't appreciate me.

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Then ask yourself, how do I

feel when I think that thought?

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You want to pick one emotion.

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One word, just what's

the feeling in your body?

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And here's the most important part.

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You want to validate it.

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You make sense.

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So you want to be able to think.

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Of course, I feel hurt.

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Of course, I feel anxious.

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Of course, I feel shame.

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Of course I'm angry.

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You make sense.

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There is no right or wrong, good or bad.

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You can feel however you want to feel.

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It's part of your experience.

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But what we're trying to distill now is

what's going to help you move forward.

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So pick one emotion that you feel in your

body when you're thinking that thought.

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There's nothing wrong with

how you feel, what you feel.

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You're a human with a human brain.

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This is what we do.

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It's all a part of our experience,

but just because it makes sense

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doesn't mean we want to make it

permanent, and it doesn't mean

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that it's helpful going forward.

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So step three is to release.

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We want to process the emotion.

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Now, this is not a rush to feel

better, but we release what's been

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stuck, the emotions that we have been

resisting or reacting to, or numbing

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and buffering against or have persisted.

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And in some cases, because we have

resisted it, it grows stronger.

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So now you want to take a few minutes.

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Get comfortable.

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Find a quiet space and close your eyes.

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Name the feeling.

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Drop into your body and

name what you are feeling.

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Name the emotion.

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Is it shame?

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Is it grief?

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Is it guilt?

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Is it anger?

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Whatever it is, it's okay, but try and

tap into what exactly you are feeling.

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Notice where it is in your body.

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Then it could be in your

chest, your stomach.

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Your back, your head, your neck.

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There's no right or

wrong answer here either.

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Just try to drop into your body and listen

to it, feel what's going on where this is.

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Then you want to tap into

what's going on with that.

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So let's say you're feeling

anxious and it's in your chest.

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Alright, so still with your eyes

closed, still sitting quietly.

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is it heavy?

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Is it moving?

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Is it light?

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Is it dark?

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Is it red?

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Is it tight?

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Is it hot?

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Is it cold?

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What's the sensation surrounding it?

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What's doing?

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Tap into it.

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Focus on that, and just breathe into it.

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Take your time.

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This emotion is a vibration in your body.

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That's it.

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It's not going to harm you.

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You need to just let it be.

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Breathe into it.

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You don't need to think about

it, you just focus on it.

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If your mind wanders off, that's okay.

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Just gently bring it back.

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You don't need to analyze it.

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You don't need to push it away.

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You just need to feel it.

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Allow yourself this space and this

time, and remind yourself to be patient.

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Most emotions only take 90 seconds to

move through us when we allow them, but

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so often we are reacting against them.

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We're resisting them.

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We are numbing and buffering, trying

not to feel them, and that's why

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they persist for such a long time.

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But let's let it be there.

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Let it move through you, and that's

how we stop being afraid of our

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feelings and we release them.

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We can get good at feeling them.

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The fourth step is to refocus.

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What do you want to think now?

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Now that we've cleared a little

bit of space, we've given it some

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room, we've we're feeling a little

bit better, maybe we've unwound

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some of that emotion and let it go.

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Then we want to decide what we want

to think and believe on purpose.

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If you try to do this process

and change your thinking before

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you process that emotion.

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It's very difficult to make those new

thoughts stick and to hold onto them

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and actually have them feel better.

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If you're in the old emotion, it's

very difficult to move forward.

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So here you wanna ask yourself what

thought would just feel a little bit

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better than the one I've been thinking.

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Just a little bit better.

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Play with it.

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See what it feels like, and you want

to see how it feels in your body.

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It should resonate a little bit.

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Now we're not going to

rainbows and daisies.

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It doesn't need to be.

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The world is perfect and

everything's gonna be great.

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That's not helpful.

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No rainbows, no unicorns.

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Just a little bit more useful,

a little more grounded.

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Make sure it resonates in your body.

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You can try these on.

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I left because it was the

right decision at the time.

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That experience taught me

something about myself.

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I can love who I was then and

still grow into who I want to be.

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Now come up with your own, use

parts of those if you want.

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Have self-compassion and love for

yourself and try to find something

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that feels just a little bit better.

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You want to pick one thought

that feels honest and helpful,

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and that's your new anchor.

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Step five now is you're gonna reinforce

this and practice the new thought.

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Your brain has rehearsed the

old story over and over again.

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It's a very well worn neural pathway

in your brain, and it's very easy for

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your brain to just automatically be

thinking this day after day, time after

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time, over and over and over again.

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But we're going to start to rewire.

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We're gonna start to refocus it.

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Even though your brain has rehearsed

that old story over and over again,

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it's time to rehearse the new one.

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So every time that old thought shows

up, let's say it's, I shouldn't

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have left, they did me wrong.

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You gently redirect it to what you

want to think to your new thought.

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Don't judge yourself.

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Don't resist.

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You just say, you know what, we're

not thinking that thought anymore.

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We're practicing something new, and

you can even put your new thought

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on a sticky note or on your phone or

your laptop or the bathroom mirror.

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Just write it out at the top

of your journal every day,

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which is really helpful.

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Get out and practice it, get ahead

of it, and give your brain something

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to focus on because we don't believe

new things because they're true.

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We believe them because we practice them.

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That's what a belief is.

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It's just a thought You've thought

over and over and over again.

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Until you just, it just feels true

to you because you've thought it

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so many times, but now you get to

decide what story you carry forward.

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What's going to be helpful.

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It's going to be empowering.

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So moving on from something painful,

isn't just about pretending it didn't

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happen or waiting for time to pass

before you know your wounds are healed.

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It's about processing it with

love, having self-compassion for

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yourself, and then deciding, I'm

ready to stop living in the past.

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I'm ready to create what's next.

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You wanna get clear on

what you're thinking.

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You want to get clear on

what you're feeling and.

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Get clear about what's

really happening here.

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What are the facts?

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What's the story that you're adding?

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Process the emotion and then intentionally

choose what you want to think and

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what you wanna focus on going forward.

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It's about deciding that you're

ready to stop living in the past.

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You're ready to move forward and

create what's next, and that's

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where it's going to be more helpful.

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You're going to spend your time and your

energy and your resources on who you

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wanna become and what you wanna create

instead of just being stuck in the past.

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You're not broken, you're not behind.

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There's nothing wrong with you,

and nothing has gone wrong here.

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You're just a person with a super

powerful brain and now you have

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a process to help you move on.

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Whether it is a job loss or a relationship

that's ended, whatever it is, use this

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process to help you get moving forward.

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Again, if this resonated with you,

if you found it helpful, please

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like and share and subscribe.

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Let me know what your old thought is

that you're letting go of and what's

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the new one that you're choosing.

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And if you want help with

this, you're invited to sign up

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for a discovery call with me.

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Let's talk about what's going

on with you, and I can tell you

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how I might be able to help.

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I have an amazing new group

coaching program starting May 1st.

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The link to sign up will be in the show

notes if you wanna find out more about it

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or else, as I said schedule your discovery

call with me and let's talk one-on-one

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about what's going on with you and

maybe one-to-one coaching is a good fit.

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Remember, you don't have to stay stuck.

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You're allowed to move forward, and

it all starts with how you think.

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