In this episode of Tammy’s Takes, Tammy Vincent breaks down one of the most misunderstood parts of healing:

👉 forgiveness

Following her conversation with Paul Drugan, Tammy reframes forgiveness in a way that moves beyond surface-level advice and into something you can actually apply in your everyday life.

If you’ve ever been told to “just forgive and move on”… but still feel triggered, stuck, or emotionally connected to the past—this episode will help you understand why.

Tammy introduces the concept of “the hook”—the emotional and energetic charge that keeps you tied to past experiences—and explains how forgiveness isn’t about the other person at all. It’s about releasing what your body is still holding.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

1. Why forgiveness feels so hard (and why that’s not your fault)
2. How emotional “hooks” keep you stuck in patterns
3. When forgiveness is actually happening (it’s not what you think)
4. A simple, real-time process to release emotional charge as it comes up
5. How to stop reliving the past through your nervous system

This isn’t about saying “I forgive you.”

This is about learning how to stop carrying what no longer belongs to you.

☕ Ready to go deeper?

If this resonated with you and you’re ready to understand what you’re still holding—and how to move forward with clarity and confidence…

Let’s talk.

👉 Book your Confidence & Clarity Call here:

https://calendly.com/tammyvincent/clarity-and-calm-call

Hey there, I’m so glad you’re here and tuning in! If this episode spoke to your heart, just know there’s even more support waiting for you.

If you would like to ask a question, and hear the answer in a future episode, please leave your question here: https://www.speakpipe.com/Tammyvincentcoaching

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If you are curious about where you stand energetically, or just need a frequency boost, book your FREE biofrequency voice scan here: https://calendly.com/tammyvincent/complimentary-scan-demo if you want to take part in an amazing club, where you can get unlimited scans and free coaching every month, sign up here: $25 ($250 Value) Join For One Month Here https://workshops.tammyvincent.com/offers/JQz3QDrr/checkout

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As an international inspirational speaker, NLP Practitioner, Trauma-Informed Coach, Neurofit Trainer, and Best-Selling Author, I bring both deep personal experience and professional training to the work I do. I believe in prevention, not just intervention — and use a body, mind, and spirit approach to guide others toward becoming the happiest, healthiest versions of themselves.

My holistic toolbox includes nervous system regulation, trauma-informed coaching, nutritional support, and natural healing strategies,

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Hello everybody and welcome back

to Tammy's Takes where we turn

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powerful conversations with our

guests into practical strategies

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you can use right here, right now.

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So this Tammy's Takes is

about my, my episode and my

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discussion with Paul Duggan.

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We talked about something

that so many people struggle

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with, and that is a big word.

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It is that word of forgiveness, and

I'm not talking about the surface

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level version of forgiveness, but

the real messy, complicated version.

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That comes with all of the trauma,

abuse, addiction, and the lived

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experience that people that grew up

in chaos went through because he said

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something and it really stood out to me.

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How I like metaphors?

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I talk about stretching

yourself like a rubber band and

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returning to its original shape.

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I talk about the people that walk

around with their invisible backpack.

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Well, today I'm gonna take something that

he said and I'm gonna build on it, and

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we're gonna show how to get rid of it.

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He said, forgiveness isn't

about the other person.

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It's about removing

the hook from yourself.

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Today I am break down that statement

'cause it was a powerful statement

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and I'm gonna break it down in a

way that you can actually use today.

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Starting now.

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When most people think about

forgiveness, what do they think about?

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They think that it has to

mean What happened was, okay,

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I have to let you back in.

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I have to make peace with you.

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And your body basically says no.

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That wasn't okay.

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That's not the way it's gonna work.

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So what do you do?

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You resist it.

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But honestly, here's the truth.

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Forgiveness has nothing to do with them.

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It has everything to do with

what your body is still carrying.

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And we, I talk a lot about energy and

the, the frequencies and the energy that

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your body is still carrying and how all

of those emotions get stuck in your pores.

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This is what's happening.

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Your body is still carrying

everything, the energy that went

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along with what happened to you.

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So he said something, again, I'm going

back to this metaphor, and when he

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said it, it just, it hit home so hard.

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He said, the abuser puts a hook in you

and it stays there until you remove it.

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The hook shows up as anger, resentment,

shame, guilt, self-sabotage shows

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up in so many different ways.

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The important part is as long as that

hook is there, you're still reliving it.

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Not because it's happening again, but

but because your body remembers it.

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So what is forgiveness and

what isn't forgiveness?

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Forgiveness is not, quote

unquote, I forgive you.

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It's, I am not carrying this anymore.

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You don't get to live in my body anymore.

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Forgiveness is when you start taking

back control and you stop letting

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the abuser have the control over you.

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So when does this happen?

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It doesn't happen when you sit down

and go, Hey, okay guys, today I'm

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gonna sit down and I'm gonna forgive

that person for what they did to me.

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You don't just sit down and

decide to forgive someone.

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That's not when real forgiveness happens.

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Real forgiveness.

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It happens in the little tiny moments when

something happens and it triggers you.

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When they say something

and you get irritated.

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You, when you start replaying something

in your head, when you feel that tightness

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in your chest or when you think about

the person and feel it instantly, this

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sensation in your body, that is the

moment, that is when the hook is active.

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That is when forgiveness

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Becomes a practice.

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That is when the little,

it's the little moments.

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So you're probably thinking, okay,

great, Tammy, that's awesome,

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but how do I actually do it?

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How do I actually, when I feel that

trigger or that anger or something

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stirred up in me, how do I do it?

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Well, first of all, one, you do

it right there in the moment.

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You catch it, you pause, and if you

have to give yourself a visualization

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or something to anchor that feeling

to, so that you know, whoa, this is it.

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Picture something.

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I love Paul's analogy of it being a hook.

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So when somebody says something to you

and you're angry, picture that hook.

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Don't say to yourself

this, they did it again.

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This always happens.

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Just say to yourself,

Hmm, there is that hook.

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This is the hook next

to feel it in your body.

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Ask yourself, where do I feel this?

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And again, use that visualization.

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Visualization is such a powerful tool.

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So where do you feel that?

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You feel it in your chest, in

your stomach, in your shoulders,

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in your neck, wherever it is.

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Picture that hook there.

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Put your hand on that spot.

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Take in a deep breath.

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You're not fixing it.

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All you're doing is interrupting

the pattern of the, the energy

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that goes along with that feeling.

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So put your hand there.

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Just say number three.

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Just say, I'm not carrying this anymore.

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That was then, this is

now I'm safe right now.

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I choose me.

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So you're literally going to

acknowledge it, say, oh my

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gosh, there's the hook again.

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Where do I feel it?

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It's in my chest.

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Put your hand there and say, this

is not mine to carry anymore.

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I'm not carrying this anymore.

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I'm safe.

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I choose me.

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And then step four, and probably

the most important part.

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Break up what you're doing with your

body, move your body, shift your state.

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It doesn't matter what you do.

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Take a sip of water, drink your

coffee, change rooms, move around.

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Stand up.

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Just do something because if you

stay still in this moment, you're

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going to go right back to the story

and that is what we don't wanna do.

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So I'm gonna repeat it again.

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What do you do?

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You hear it, you trigger,

you're triggered.

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You say, wow, this is that hook.

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I feel it in my chest.

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You put your hands on your chest.

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I am safe.

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Now this is not mine to carry.

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I don't carry this anymore.

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This was then, that was then.

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This is now.

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I'm safe right now.

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I choose me and whatever version of

those words you wanna do, and then

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get up and do some get up and move.

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Do not let yourself go

right back to the story.

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So I wanna tie this all back into you.

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Because you're probably saying,

wait, we're, is this all triggers?

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How do I really tie this

back into forgiveness

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Again, forgiveness is

not saying I forgive you.

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Not at one big moment, but it's

saying right here, I'm okay.

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Because when you pause and feel it

and choose not to carry it, that

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is when you're forgiving because

it doesn't have that hold on you.

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You don't forgive them Once.

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That's not how forgiveness work.

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You don't just forgive 'em of someone.

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Once you forgive the feeling, every

time your body brings it back, and

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eventually it'll stop being so hard,

you'll just literally, something will

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happen and you'll just be like, wow.

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I know this sounds hard to believe.

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Eventually it won't even trigger you.

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A thought of that person will come

about and it will, it'll feel nothing.

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You'll literally feel nothing,

and it will be so liberating.

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Now I do wanna go a little deeper

for some of you, because for a lot

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of you, there's a shame level to it.

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So it's not about just forgiving them,

it's also about forgiving yourself.

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And you may be saying, well, why

do I have to forgive myself?,

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Even though you don't mean to, your

subconscious mind is blaming you for what

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you stayed in for, what you tolerated,

for how you cope, for what you did.

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Paul made a really good comment,

and I'm trying to think of the exact

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words he said, but he basically just

said, the shame was taught to you.

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It was never who you were.

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So I wanna add that layer in there

because that is a big part of it too.

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But it's the same thing when

those feelings start coming up.

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Just that is the hook.

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Where do I feel it?

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I am safe now.

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That was then, this is now.

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I love me, whatever you have to say.

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So I just wanted to point that

out because I think that sometimes

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we are so quick to think you have

to sit down and it's a process.

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You have to sit down and you have to

think about forgiving this person.

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It has nothing to do with that.

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It is about getting rid of the

energy in your body that is

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holding onto the feelings that

it acted, that it caused you.

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Now, there is a question, and I got this.

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I use this all the time in my podcast.

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If you think you have forgiven

that person, or you say,

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yes, I've forgiven them,

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and the moments aren't coming up,

you're not being triggered on a

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regular place but basis, but you

really wanna see where you're at.

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Just close your eyes and picture, picture

that person and say, I forgive him.

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And just see what happens.

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If you have truly let go of the feelings.

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You won't have a, a physiological

reaction to that question.

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If you haven't, it's okay.

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It is absolutely okay.

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You don't have to carry it forever.

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You don't have to keep reliving

it, and you don't have to wait

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for someone else to fix it.

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You get to free yourself.

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And this is done one moment at a time.

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One moment.

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So every time this feelings come

up, keep doing this exercise

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until those feelings are gone.

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So if this hit with you guys,

if you're realizing you've been

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carrying something for a long time.

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I want to invite you

to take the next step.

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Let's talk.

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No pressure, no expectations, just

a real conversation to help you get

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some clarity on where you're at.

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So go into the show notes, book

a confidence and clarity call.

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I would love to chat with you.

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Forgiveness.

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Remember, forgiveness is a, is a

process, but it's not about them.

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It's about freeing your

body from reliving it.

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And this is what we wanna

do in order for you to have.

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Everlasting piece.

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So thank you very much and I hope to

see you back here very, very soon.

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Love you guys.