What does self-expression mean to you? How do you express yourself and how important is self expression in the big picture?

In this episode, Helen shares her own journey to empowerment, how she chooses to express herself, how women can sometimes ‘not speak up’, and the importance of ‘being yourself.’ This episode is sure to give you that sense of expression that you might need to kick-start your own journey to self-empowerment. And as always, remember that self expression doesn’t have to be a mystery. I’m here to help!

HERE ARE 3 TIPS TO HELP YOU ON YOUR ROAD TO SELF-EMPOWERMENT

1. Say what you mean.
2. Be yourself.
3. Be truthful.

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If you'd like to move from self-loathing to self-love, as Beverly did, stay tuned for today's episode that is Sure to help you take on the world. And now here is Beverly. Enjoy the show. 


If you'd like to work with me, you can contact me@herselfexpression.com. I'm also the host of this podcast, her self expression. Research shows that four out of every five women struggle with their self-image and self-confidence. Her self-expression provides knowledge, support, and insight to help women on their journey to self-empowerment on the inside and out by providing you with incredible guests and interesting dialogue. 


Today I have these questions for you to ponder. What does self-expression mean to you? How do you express yourself and how important is self expression in the big picture? Well, my guest today is Helen Vella. Helen is going to talk with me today about self expression, and since our mission is to help women on their journey of self-expression, I'm especially excited to hear what she has to say. 


Helen is the founder of Velas Strategies and does not wait for signs to guide her in life. She uses her strategies to network and make connections that build her circle of influence, serve the greater story of her life. And elevate her business career. For the past 30 years, Helen has defined herself as a trusted resource within the business community, from CEOs and executives to their children through technology. 


Helen Expertly creates the safe space to be authentic and make resounding forward growth change in their lives and careers of every individual she works with. Originally from the UK and after many years of making Orlando, Florida, her home, she now resides at the beach in South Florida. Just like I'm at the beach in Paul's Island, South Carolina, so we're both beach girls. 


[00:03:21] Helen Vella: Thank you. And thank you for that great introduction and unfortunately, well, it's very impressive. Well, and I was gonna say, today our beaches are not looking too good because of the couple of hurricanes we just had go through, you know. It's a little there. 


[00:03:42] Helen Vella: Exactly. Exactly. But going on, you know, we press on. 


[00:03:53] Helen Vella: Oh, well, It, it took a while, I think when I was growing up and how I was brought up and a lot of people in my age group were brought up this way was, you know, be seen and not heard, you know, and respect your elders and yes, don't say, you know, don't be outspoken, that sort of thing. 


So it took me quite a long time, you know, probably into my thirties before. I could get rid of that unconscious voice in my head about. You know, you've got nothing to say, be seen and not heard, and things like that. Right. So, expressing myself came late in life and I know that we express ourselves as children and things like that in, in, in some behavioral ways to get attention, but to actually right. 


Go to work and ask for things or give an opinion or something like that, took me probably till I was in my 30. And when I worked for corporate, I, I got promoted and I had to learn how to be able to express myself and not just sit there with all my ideas and it exactly. You just have to hold with me anyway. 


It was like, take a deep breath. You've got something to say. You can say it. What's the worst that can happen, right. If you say something. Mm-hmm. , that's how we all learn brainstorming, but it took me a while. Self express and especially when it came to relationships, when you are mm-hmm. , you know, expressing yourself at work or in business is one thing, but in expressing yourself in an intimate relationship is a whole other ball game as well. 


And, and I don't think us women tend to express ourselves how we. Actually want to express ourselves. We, we give us sort of ideas of what we want. It does get better, but I think that for me personally, again, that took a little while to express myself in a, in a, a relationship because of the way I was brought up of respect your elders speak when you've spoken to be seen and not heard, and all of those things that go on in the little voices in your head that go on all. 


The corporate executives around the table. Of course there may only be one woman, but how often it was the men that chimed in and the women that didn't. 


And even in today, I, I still, and I haven't been in corporate for a number of years, but I do have clients that are in the corporate world and I don't know how much has actually changed over the years. I think we, there's still right that challenge for women to do better, say, What they've gotta say, but they're careful how they say where the old boys network, they don't mm-hmm. 


you know, so I don't know exactly how it's working right now, you know? 


[00:07:52] Helen Vella: I've had that happen to me several times, and, and I think that was my jolt Yeah. To speak up when that happened. I think it comes from our environment and, and the environment we're brought up in, and the model that we see for a. So what women are around us as we're growing up, as we are teenagers, as we are young women coming outta college, if we go to college, what women are surrounding us that we can model. 


And I think that that's where we get, how we move forward is by having the women around us as models. And depending on the model that you've seen will depend on how you then develop as a, as a, as a woman, you. 


[00:08:46] Helen Vella: Oh yeah, for sure. Yeah, definitely. 


[00:08:54] Helen Vella: Okay. I'll give you a little story and I'll, I'll, I'll share it with you. I was talking to my great nephew a few weeks back when I visited the uk and he said to me, said, you know, you get white hair if you don't sleep three nights. 


And I went, really? Now he's eight. So said. Well, the thing you have to do is you have to figure out, is that your opinion? Did someone tell you that or did you research it? And this is how I express myself. I research if I'm doing a speaking engagement. If I'm writing something or anything where I'm conversing with people I make sure that what I say is backed up by fact. 


If it's an opinion, then it's an opinion, and I say, in my opinion, X, Y, Z. But if it's something that I know for a chat and I can back it up, you know, like the sun rises every day, right? That is a fact. It's not my. So I always make sure that any blog that I write, any information that I give, any email that I send with any information in it, if I'm stating something, I will always send the link of the reputable place that I have fact checked things on. 


So for me to express. I make sure, and, and obviously this comes from my background of making sure that you're not gonna get shot down in flames. Making sure as a woman that you can't get intimidated because you have the fact mm-hmm. . So that's how I make sure, absolutely. I express myself in, in a way that is communicatives and and the written word if I'm emailing or so. 


Is to reread it. A lot of people don't do that, and I've been, I've done it several times also, but to reread, to make sure that we can say something really quickly in an email that can be taken several different ways. Because you can read, you can read a sentence, and it depends where you put the accent on, which word as to how the sentence is received, right? 


It may not have been sent that way, but it's how it's received. So, And also over the years with all of my training I teach communication anyway, so I'm very careful about how I communicate also. Cause I like to practice when I preach. So, but, and that answers your question. 


You can step back and pause and then walk away and come back. And what I've found is that I'm much calmer, I'm much more rational in my response than if I just start banging away Right. When I receive it. 


and then a lot of times, mm-hmm. , you never send it because that was your reaction at the time. However, it made you feel better at the time, but at least you didn't send it. So a lot of times I'll put things to draft and then like you said, get up, walk around or forget about it for a while, and then come back to it afterwards. 


Yeah, I do the same. 


[00:12:57] Helen Vella: Be authentic. If you are, yes, if you're authentic, if you are honest and you are truthful you grounded, then whatever it is that you're expressing is okay now. How, how you express it is a whole different ballgame. 


You know, cuz you know, are you expressing it from an anger point of view, from a sadness point of view, from a fear point of view, from a guilt point of view. But if you're coming from a place of authenticity than even if you are angry or something like that, it's still, it's still your truths and. Your truth is always good, and I'm always careful when I say this because being authentic and being truthful is excellent. 


However, there are caveats to that. Also, you have to be respectful as well. You know, there's, you can't be truthful, you know, like children, you know out the. Babes, you know, the kids, they'll, they'll say, Ooh, don't like the color of your hair today. Right. But it's a kid, so you laugh it off. Mm-hmm. , if it's an adult, it's a whole, whole different scenario. 


So being truthful and being authentic, but also being empathetic and aware of who you are, expressing yourself. If you've got an audience, if you're a speaker and you've got an audience, then you will hopefully have learned how to speak to a group of people and you speak to them differently than you do when you're speaking to a one on one. 


If you are employing people, again, expressing yourself to those people again, authentic. Truthful, but also compassion when it comes to directing people that work for you. So it depends on the on, on the scenario of how you're expressing yourself and what environment you're in. But the bottom line would be authentic and truthful. 


[00:15:18] Helen Vella: okay. If you'd asked me that question before Covid, the answer would be different than it is now. What I've found since the lockdown and since the restructure of society because of Covid worldwide, and it's a worldwide issue, not just an issue in in the the States, is that a lot of people have lost their confide. 


They've lost the self esteem because they were shut down for two years and they got into different habits. So different dressing habits, different makeup habits, different attitude habits, different value habits, different outlook on life in general. Right? So now I would say that there's more miscommunication. 


I would say there's more people that are less confident than they were and the shift in society in general. So even just going to the store is a different experience than it was before. Covid going to a restaurant is a different experience than it was before. Covid. There's had to be learning challenges, and if you're a young parent, you have also had the societal changes of what your children have gone through and coping with all of that, that, mm-hmm. 


And then if there were any covid babies, Then one of my friends, she had a baby just as Covid was coming. So her baby didn't meet another baby till he was nearly 18 months. So there's a whole, wow. So what I've found is that there is a whole different world of expression and I can't now say that yes, women have got better voice than they had before, or women are voicing themselves better. 


I think the. Universe has had to relearn communication since we've stopped lockdown and that, and may I say self expression? Sure. That's my opinion. Right. And I do have facts. I do have some facts to back it up because of personal experiences with clients and the people that I network with and, and see. 


So that's where I'm getting that information. . 


[00:18:16] Helen Vella: I would say that it's getting more negative respect. I, I don't think right now is society there is, I'll give you an example. I just did a. On this very subject, and I was traveling to Orlando from South Florida to center of Florida on a plane, and there was a young couple in front of me, and it was two seats and two seats, and they had two children. 


One was round about three ish and one was round. About five ish. The couple sat together. Two. And they sat the children together. So the children were jumping around, they were doing what that age group does. You know that's how it is. You can't, right. We've all traveled with children and, and flying with a child is one of the worst experiences you can have cuz they won't sit still. 


So these two children were not sitting still, but the couple, the parents were involved with each other. Very intimately involved with each other. Right. And not noticing what was going on with the children. And it was like the, the communication it years gone by, would've been others, like myself would've said, Hey look, your kids are not strapped in. 


We're gonna take off in a second. You know, your kids are still standing. And if we take off, and they did it in landings, if they land and he puts the brakes on, these kids are gonna be in French class and they're not gonna be here. Right. But there wasn't that confidence to do that from anyone that was there. 


On the way back. There was a young lady watching a video on her phone, which we all do that, especially when we're traveling. Nothing wrong with that whatsoever. Except she wasn't wearing ear buts. So the whole Oh, right. So my point being that the disrespect of the young person with the video who thought there was nothing wrong in it, and then the lady sitting next to her who asked to be moved because of the, the noise of the video, instead of us turning around and going. 


Would you mind wearing your ear pants? You know, because we don't do that anymore. So we don't, there isn't that respect. And also there isn't that communication whereby we can communicate with each other without the fear of a TikTok video showing us having a conversation about could you wear your earbud? 


Yeah. You know, so it's, so I think it's. I think the, the respect has got worse. I, I really do, in my experience Absolutely. Of what I have seen personally, you know, so, yeah. 


Correct. I think that has complicated our ability to show respect. Mm-hmm. because everybody feels like they're right and they don't bug. Right. 


I don't want people thinking, you know, millennials, gen Z, or that sort of thing, because I, I, I don't label people like that, right? But it's all age groups and all genders, you know, so, 


We'll be right back. 


[00:24:22] Helen Vella: Well, I think we've covered some of it already. So if I'm repeating myself to the audience, please forgive me. 


However, I would say, say what you mean. We, we as women, tend to skirt around the edges, whereas males will just say what they mean. They don't skirt around the edges, right? Mm-hmm. , so say what you mean. What happens with women is we don't get the results that we want from the person speaking to, and then we get upset, but we didn't say what we meant in the first place. 


So say what you mean and then make sure the person you're speaking to understands what you mean. So say what you mean and then Yes. Tell me, did you understand what I meant? Right, because the listener. May find out that they have listened to something that you didn't say. Right. The other thing we've already covered is be yourselves. 


I've, I've just coed a book with, with some people called the Wisdom Before Me, and my chapter is about being yourself and trying not to be someone. So be yourself. Today's society is full of reality TV people and social media influencers, and there's a lot of people want to imitate these people. 


There's mm-hmm , there's always a bad annotation, but there's never a bad interpretation of yourself being truthful and honest. So be. So don't try to be someone else when you're trying to communicate and be empowered. And again, like we've covered already is be truthful. Be truthful, especially with yourself because again, as women, we are conditioned to, you know, bringing up the kids, having a partner, doing this, doing that, doing something else that be tri to yourself if you are not in a job that you like. 


Admit it to yourself. Mm-hmm. , if you are not in a relationship that you don't like, you know, admit it to yourself. If your kids are horrors, admit it to 


yourself. You know, it's, you know, 


be truthful, because if you're truthful with yourself, then you'll be truthful with everyone else. Right. But the person you gotta be truthful with is you. 


If, if you are lying to yourself, if. Making do. If you are settling, you're not being honest with yourself, you're not being truthful. So one of the best ways I love that, to self expression and self empowerment is honesty with yourself. 100%. And we all do it. We'll go, yeah, I'll call it Likeness movie. And yeah, I'm enjoying this girlfriend tonight. 


And you wake up the next morning, you go, why did I waste my time? I didn't like the. And you know, I'm really going off her anyway. Right. Why do that? You know, we've only got one life. Live it, right, but live it honestly, you know, and, and by honestly I mean being truthful to yourself, right? Hopefully everyone's honest, but you know, being truthful with yourself. 


So I'd say they were my three things. Absolutely. They're my three things. 


Right. And I think that's such a dangerous thing because I think it puts the focus on others instead of the focus on ourselves. 


So it was like, okay, don't do this cuz I don't wanna be like her and try to do this cuz I wanna be like her. And one day I wrote Killer and it was like, hang on a minute. I'm trying not to be this and I'm trying to be that, but who am I? Who's me? Who's 


[00:29:02] Helen Vella: Why live your life trying not to be or trying to be someone else because you cannot be there. 


You can only be you. So find out who you are and be your authentic self. There isn't another one of you, so be you. Don't be someone else. You know? 


And the more I kept two personalities, the greater my tension absolutely would be. And I had to come together to define who the 


[00:29:54] Beverly Price: As you were coming along in your career and your self expression, empowerment journey, what support do you wish you had had along the way that you didn't have that would've helped you? 


So I think having mentors is great. Having coaches is. Having all of that, but having them be totally honest, you know, you know the brutally honest bit. And yeah, don't sugar care, correct. Mm-hmm. . And also as far as your self-empowerment, self-expression is, is you take it on the chin, you listen because someone is telling you that. 


So I wish I had that at one point of my career. That would have been a bit of a game changer for me if I'd. But apart from that, you know, the support I've had has been pretty good. And since I've started my own company the support I've had from my family is, has been good. My husband at the time not as good because there was a, a lack of understanding of what I did. 


So but apart from. Probably. Okay. But I have spent most of my self-employment, my own company on my own anyway. But the time I did have someone to share that with me, there was lack of understanding. And that can go back to say what you mean. Right. Okay. Because if I'd be, I'd been more truthful absolutely. 


About saying what I meant. Maybe things would have been different. 


Did you have any experiences like that? 


And what I found was that other women were also starting out in their careers as entrepreneurs, and they copied what I did right. Ooh. And so that was something I had to learn, that that, that they copied what I was doing. And instead of taking it as a compliment, it was like, hang on a minute, you've just stole my tagline. 


Just, yeah, you know, and then, then it's like, okay, let's copyright things. And that's what I. Different things about copyright and, and making sure that your intellectual property is protected and things like that. Because unfortunately, when you have like yourself, you know, we're coaches and we help people, it's sort of up here, it's intellectual. 


Right? Right. So once you've shared it it's out there. So, but so that's what I found with my entrepreneurship, that, that there are still women out there that. Outright copy you and take your stuff and make it their own which obviously is plagiarism. But and, and in the corporate world, I found, but you see, I was in a male dominate corporate world. 


I was the only woman. I didn't have as many women in the corporate world that I had to deal with. It was all men. But in my entrepreneurship, it's been all women. So I've had the opposite effect that the experience than you. Gotcha. Gotcha. 


[00:34:42] Helen Vella: Well, it's called Wisdom Before Me and we're, we've just done our signing at Barnes and Noble and Tampa and we're Hope Barnes and Noble have picked it up. And we're going to be doing book signings throughout Florida at the moment, and it's all about these 10. Of all different ages that are sharing their wisdom of and passing it on, basically. 


So the book is basically about wisdom before me. So this is the wisdom that I have brought through, like, you know, be yourself. Don't try and replicate someone and the experience. And so that's my chapter. And there's other chapters where people have gone through. It's all women where women have gone through different experiences in their lives and how they've overcome them and how they are. 


There's just successful women they are today. Some of it beautiful. It, it's, it's a beautiful book and it launched October 25th. It's already been highlighted in Times Square, which was rather fun for all of us. And and there's, yes the book signings are coming up and things like that. So right now I, the link to buy the books and everything would be on my, my Facebook page and things like that. 


Because or you can go to Barnes and Noble and get them from Barnes and Noble. But it's, it's a great book. It's full, full of great ideas. And a really good friend of mine, Linda Bruns, she's the brains behind it, and she organized it and, and got everybody together and then found a publisher to publish it all. 


It's, it's very good. It's very good. I've enjoyed being part. 


[00:36:26] Helen Vella: All of my social media is at Vella Strategies. My LinkedIn is Helen Vella and my website is manage-strategies.com. So cuz mainly what I do is teach people how to have the strategies to cope with their situation. 


As it is. So I use Meridian Energy Therapies, I use hypnotherapy. I do past life regressions. I do a lot of things to do with re reprogramming the brain from the mindset of negativity to positivity and all that sort of thing. So that's why my, my website is mindset strategies dot. So and all my other social media is just at Bella Strategies. 


The more women we've reached, the more interesting topics and impactful guests we can bring you. Thank you for being with Helen and myself on this episode of her Self-Expression. I love connecting you with incredible women that can provide actionable steps for you to take on your journey. Remember, the more you express yourself, the better you. 


Self expression doesn't have to be a mystery. It's your key to navigating the road to self-empowerment, both inside and out, but most importantly, you don't have to go it alone. I've been through many life challenges on my own empowerment journey and have reached a place of confidence, authenticity, and happiness. 


No matter where you are in your journey. I'm here to help. Thank you and take care. 


If you have any questions or would like to share your thoughts with Beverly and other like-minded women, join our Facebook group, the Her Self-Expression Sisterhood. Invite your friends. When you download and subscribe to our podcast on Apple, Spotify, or other podcast services, be sure to leave us a review and tell your friends to download it too so we can continue to help others. 


You can also subscribe to our YouTube channel, and remember, self-expression doesn't have to be a mystery. It's your key to confidence and self-empowerment both inside and out. But most importantly, remember that you don't have to do it. Visit www.herselfexpression.com and join us today.