I kick things off by giving you the top six things to say that'll make a scammer hang up immediately — for real, like dial tone and peace out. Americans get hit with about 25 scam messages/calls a week (nine calls, nine emails, seven texts on average), and we’ve all got like 350 things rotting in our spam folder while almost a quarter of folks admit they’ve fallen for one — so yeah, these scammers are busy. I run through six goofy, awkward, and straight-up gross lines you can use: from asking if I can talk about the role Jesus plays in my life, to offering to burp the alphabet, to doing a screaming-View impression, to asking whether something is a prolapsed anus or a hemorrhoid, to telling the story of why my high-school nickname was “Slappy.” We laugh about my own stunt of screwing with a scammer by whispering fake card digits, and we leave the very best mic-drop line — the number one — unspoiled so you actually have to listen. Tune in, get a few chuckles, and arm yourself with chaos so the next scammer disconnects faster than you can say “nice try.”
Takeaways:
I point out Americans get about 25 scam messages and calls weekly, nine calls, nine emails, seven texts.
We talk stats: average person has roughly 350 spam emails and 23 percent admit falling for scams.
I share a true goofy revenge story where I whispered fake credit card digits and blasted beeps to troll a scammer.
We run a fast Morning 6-Pack of bizarre bait lines guaranteed to make scammers hang up, without spoiling the top finale.
I read some of the list: offering Jesus chat, burping the alphabet, View impressions, and gross medical questions to repel callers.
Transcripts
Speaker A:
It's haystack.
Speaker A:
Americans love to be number one.
Speaker A:
And we get to chant, we're number one.
Speaker A:
We're number one.
Speaker A:
When it comes to being the target of scammers, that's, that's flattering in the worst way possible.
Speaker A:
The average American gets about 25 scam messages and calls each week.
Speaker A:
The average is nine scam phone calls, nine scam emails, and seven scam text messages.
Speaker A:
I get more than that every day.
Speaker A:
Not to text, but the emails.
Speaker A:
I get 90 emails a day at least.
Speaker A:
Anyway, there's, there's three or four times a day on average.
Speaker A:
Somebody's trying to knock on your digital front door and say, hello, I'm definitely from your bank.
Speaker A:
Definitely.
Speaker A:
Sign here.
Speaker A:
Some are so obvious.
Speaker A:
I mean, you, you get a text message saying, hi, this is Jennifer from recruitment.
Speaker A:
We reviewed your resume and we'd love to offer you a $500 a day working remotely.
Speaker A:
That's clearly a scam.
Speaker A:
You reviewed my resume?
Speaker A:
Which one?
Speaker A:
I don't remember applying to Mystery Internet Corporation.
Speaker A:
Didn't happen.
Speaker A:
Americans have an average of 350 emails sitting in their spam folder.
Speaker A:
350.
Speaker A:
And a fourth of us admit that we have already fallen for a scam.
Speaker B:
What?
Speaker A:
Almost a fourth.
Speaker A:
23%.
Speaker A:
Dad gum, y'.
Speaker B:
All.
Speaker A:
That's why they keep doing it.
Speaker A:
They don't need everybody.
Speaker A:
They just need one person at 3 o' clock on a Wednesday afternoon, Thursday afternoon, who's tired and distracted and willing to believe that the IRS now accepts after Apple gift cards.
Speaker A:
You know, the next time you find yourself stuck on the phone with one of these scammers, I think you should try something from today's list of the top six things to say that'll get a scammer to definitely immediately hang up.
Speaker C:
Well, gather round folks.
Speaker C:
It's the time of day when we laugh and smile in a light hearted way.
Speaker C:
Tune in for the giggles and let's kick back.
Speaker C:
Here comes the fun.
Speaker C:
It's the morning sick.
Speaker A:
I once generated what's basically the censorship tone and this guy was trying to scam me and I, I'm gonna turn this down real quick.
Speaker B:
I started speaking really quietly so he would have to turn his headset up when I told him I was giving him my credit card number.
Speaker B:
I spoke really quietly and that way he would hopefully lean in and I would say, the credit Card number is 4, 1, 2.
Speaker C:
What?
Speaker A:
I'm having trouble hearing you.
Speaker B:
4, 1.
Speaker A:
And then I put my phone up to a speaker and I just blared the beep and he told me to do something with a body part and a pencil sharpener, and I can't repeat it here.
Speaker A:
Anyway, these are the Aside from that real true story, it's time for a morning six pack of the top six things that you can say that will immediately get the scammer to hang up on you.
Speaker A:
Number six, can I tell you about the role Jesus plays in my life?
Speaker A:
Number five, you want to hear me burp the Alphabet?
Speaker A:
Number four.
Speaker A:
Here's my impression of everyone on the View screaming at each other.
Speaker A:
Number three.
Speaker B:
Hey, if.
Speaker A:
Excuse me.
Speaker A:
If I describe something to you, can you tell me if it's either a prolapsed anus or a hemorrhoid I can't figure out?
Speaker A:
Number two, want to hear what my nickname in high school was and why it was slappy?
Speaker A:
And the number one thing to say to get a scammer to immediately hang up on you.
