Where are you at when it comes to people pleasing and feeling insecure ?

Learn about the dark side of people-pleasing.

Toxic traits that come out when people sense that you are too insecure of who you are.

Feeling deep unworthiness and overcompensating with being overly nice.

Becoming more confident with the person you truly are meant to be.

This is a place where you can recharge your batteries, reconnect to yourself, 

really get to know yourself and find out what steps you can take to untangle

yourself from a situation you don’t wish to be in. I invite you to get to know yourself better in order for you to make the right choices for yourself in the future.

Learn more at

www.auroraeggertcoaching.com

Free yourself from the ongoing destructive inner chatter.

Discover who you are without all this clutter in your mind.

Let’s dive in and find out more about this juicy topic that will most likely affect you in one way or another. 

In this episode and many other episodes I touch on topics that I usually work on with my clients. Here in my podcast it will be targeted to a broad spectrum of people. If you'd like to go more into depth with a topic I address, reach out to me.

with love and much respect

Aurora

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Unknown: 00:00:07

Hello, hello and welcome to the Borealis

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experience. I'm your host Aurora, life coach and companion

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on this beautiful journey called life. I hope you're doing well

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help you feel good. Up, you're in a safe place. Ah, I hope you

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can breathe freely. Maybe you're walking outdoors in a park,

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maybe you're driving, maybe you're on your bicycle, maybe

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you're cooking, maybe you're just hanging out online. Maybe

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you're doing dishes, and laundry, or just hanging out on

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your couch. I hope you feel confident about who you are. And

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get in your skin. Today I want to talk about the nice guys the

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nice girls, I have produced an episode about nice guys being

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too nice being a people pleaser in the past. But for some

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reason, I feel called to produce a new episode about this because

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I noticed most of my clients are struggling with this are

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struggling with boundaries, how to set boundaries, are

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struggling with knowing who they truly are outside of family

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dynamic outside of a little, you know, friends circle or

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community. And I really want to help out these people as best as

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I can because I was one of them for the longest time. And as you

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know, I'm one to learn the hard way. And I'm hoping that with my

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podcast, I can not only create a space for you where you can rest

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and recharge your batteries, but also where you can learn and

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acquire tools for shortcuts. And for reducing the amount of time

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you struggle and suffer. I wish back then I had these tools. But

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that's okay. I went through the pain and I'm still here. And now

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I'm pleased to be able to help people around the globe. I feel

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very grateful for this mission. And as I shared with you a

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couple of episodes ago, I'm hosting workshops now, where I

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speak about specific topics I can connect with you in person.

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And I'm also building place a retreat, where in the future I

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can invite you and have one on one coaching in a safe place in

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the forest. I'm also a yoga teacher so I'll be hosting yoga

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classes as well but the coaching and the workshops is gonna be my

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biggest thing I'm very very excited to call this into my

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life and to be serving more and more people in our community and

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people from all over the place. Alright, let's dive into today's

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episode. Mr. Nice Guy, Mrs. Nice. Nice lady, nice girl. The

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thing about being a people pleaser is that sometimes time

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in the past we have learned that our feelings don't matter our

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opinions, our thoughts don't matter. The way we think and

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feel the way we are. We need to adapt. We need to be overly

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friendly, because our deep sense of security and self esteem was

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shaken. For some people we can even say was broken.

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And when your core is scarred when you deep down inside feel

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that you cannot fully embrace who you are, you simply can't

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accept who you are because the people back then at school in

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kindergarten, or at university or at work, why would they have

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bullied you? If you were a decent person, there must be

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something wrong with you. So we split this part of ourselves

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away that was damaged and hurt and overcompensate by being

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overly nice. We don't express our needs anymore, we're very

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shy and hold back when it comes to opinions. discomfort, like,

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we don't have no boundaries. So we don't really know when the

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discomfort starts and when it ends. But sometimes we wake up

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and we are in terrible pain. Because we didn't learn to say

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no, we didn't learn to say, I don't want this. When the

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discomfort first started, right, we let people in way too fast.

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We give people way too much power. And it is a whole mess.

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Because you can always point the finger at the other person and

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say, Hey, you are taking the candy that I'm throwing out for

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free. And the other person who's taking from you is like what, I

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don't know what you were giving the whole time. So what was I

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supposed to do not take something from for free out

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there in the world. And let's take it. So in a very gentle

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way, I want to turn around this finger that you were pointing at

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others for the longest time and pointed at you. It is on you to

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not get involved with people who don't have your best intentions,

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who don't take you as a part of themselves. It is on you to cut

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through the bullshit to acquire tools to sharpen your senses. To

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find out right away when there is a person sitting in front of

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you with selfish intentions. It is not on them, they will do

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whatever they want to do. And I tell you what, most of the time,

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they're not bad people, they went through their fair share of

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shit. And now they meet you overly nice person and they feel

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like now I can finally trust and relax and, and be happy for a

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little while until I feel strong enough. And then I can leave the

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people pleaser. Because actually it gets really boring to be with

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a person who doesn't have a spine who doesn't have a

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character who doesn't know how to say no. And it's a harsh

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reality to live in and to sit in. I know it because I went

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through it. And I'm sorry if you feel that way, right now. But at

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the same time, I want you to reclaim your power and see how

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much you can influence your happiness in the future. By

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knowing yourself by knowing how to read other people, and by

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being able to say no, when something feels off. Right, we

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make compromises all too often. Oh yeah, but he had an ex that

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was very manipulative. And that's why I need to be nice. Oh

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yeah. But she had a boyfriend who was violent. That's why I'm

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giving her space right now. She doesn't want to be close to me,

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but I'm still gonna be committed to this relationship but because

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who knows? Like one day she's gonna be ready, right? We

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bullshit our way into situations. And I know for sure

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that there isn't a part of you. That knows shit. I should get

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out of the situation. It's not good for me. I'm being bred

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chromed. It's an expression in so froze studies, which I find

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totally awesome. You're not, you're not being given a whole

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loaf of bread, you're giving bread crumbs. And I tell you

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what, my dear, you are wasting so much time with those kinds of

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situations and so much energy. And then we think that if we

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start dating at the same time a new person that it's going to

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work out in some way or another. But it is not, because that new

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person that is sitting in front of you, that might be the one

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that might be totally able to commit to you, and to love You

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and to make you feel awesome about yourself. But also, you

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make them feel awesome about themselves in a very healthy

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way, they will sense that your energy is scattered, that you're

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not quite there, you're not really engaging with them,

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because you have still these other stories burning in the

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back of your mind, and they suck energy from you. And they give

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you an aura. I'm not gonna get too spiritual here, but they

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give you a vibe that you don't really know what you want. And

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actually, you know, really well what you want. You just got so

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damaged, and sacked dry from these weird situations where you

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were in a people pleaser role, that now that the right person

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is standing right in front of you, you're confused, you don't

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even know if you can trust you're scared to be in another

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weird situation. So what I needed to do is to leave

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everything behind to cut everything off to have no safety

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anchor, and to be brave enough to be 100% alone, to set

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boundaries with the people that deserve to have a boundary set

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to cut ties where it is needed. You don't need to ghost people,

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you don't need to be an asshole, you just can be crystal clear.

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And by being crystal clear, you usually help people by being

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crystal clear with themselves as well. Because again, those

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people are not bad people. They just don't know what they want.

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They take whatever feels good in the moment. But they drag you in

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situations that are not good for you. But please, it is not on

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them. It is on you because you allow it because you learn that

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if you are a spineless, friendly creature, that you get what you

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need and want. But it is not the case, you're going to keep

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making these situations happen. And your heart is going to close

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up more and more, your ego is gonna get inflated more and

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more. And I just don't want you to suffer on that level. I want

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you to be free. I want you to be transparent, honest. And I want

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you to have boundaries. Especially when it comes to a

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woman, a man who's kind and caring and giving but has

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boundaries, knows how to.

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Now you will probably roll your eyes or grin put the woman in

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her place. Whenever she acts I was out of course not violently,

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of course not. You know, in a in a weird and mean kind of way.

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But for the woman to know, okay, this is how far I can go. And I

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respect that. And for you to stay firm with your boundaries.

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I remember the first time I went on a date with my boyfriend. We

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started chatting. And I'm I'm always one who wants to know

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more and more. I'm a very curious monkey. And at some

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point I started asking him about his past and what his ex was

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like and blah, blah, blah. And we were hiking and all of a

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sudden he turned around. He looked me dead in the eye and he

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said I don't want to talk about this right now. I feel

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uncomfortable sharing this part of my life with you on the first

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date. And I stood still and was so impressed because he was very

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kind and saying these words with me but at the same time, awfully

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assertive. And from that day on I knew that if we weren't giving

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it an honest shot, I could respect this man. And that I

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wanted to get to know him on a deeper level at his convenience,

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right, I can keep asking my questions, but he will open up

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at his speed. So what he did by setting that boundary is not

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pushing me away, he was actually showing me, hey, this is how you

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can communicate with me. And this is where I have a boundary,

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try again in a couple of weeks. And I can see how it is tough as

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a man to set these boundaries, because I feel that men always

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want to be brave, and you want to be able to, you know, show up

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courageously you want to be giving you want to be provider.

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Not all of you, but most of you. And then when the woman pushes

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back or gets aggressive or gets upset, then you guys falter, you

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get, you know, soft from the inside. I don't mean it in a

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mean way. I mean, encouraging men to stand their ground in the

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kindest, most assertive way. Because this is when you earn

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respect, not only with women, but with the people around you.

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And this is how you will feel alive. And how you will build

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yourself up from the inside out. And trust me, it's going to make

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your relationships so juicy, and so interesting, and people will

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know who you are, you will know who you are. And isn't that a

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beautiful place to be in a place of genuine power, but not from

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an ego place from a heart place from an authentic place. All

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right, I'm going to leave you with this. send you out into

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your day. I'm sending my love out to you. I will be out there

Unknown: 00:17:08

very soon again for you. If you haven't already, please leave me

Unknown: 00:17:13

a review on Apple podcast, or Spotify. And a five star rating

Unknown: 00:17:19

will be awesome too. All right. Take care. Bye bye