Summary:

In this conversation, we go from “cringeworthy communicator” to “compassionate collaborator.” Jenifer unpacks how one hard piece of feedback became a turning point, why listening is a leadership skill (not a soft skill), and how to deliver feedback with both courage and care. If you lead people—or want to—this is a tactical masterclass in executive communication you can actually use.

Jenifer Beaudean is a seasoned exec and coach with 30+ years in pharma leadership who now helps leaders master internal and executive communications. She’s known for pairing empathy with directness to build trust, deliver tough feedback, and move teams forward.

Chapters:

00:00 – The “how” of communication (why style > output)

03:30 – The car-ride gut punch: “I cringe when you speak”

07:00 – Weekend audit: asking peers for unfiltered feedback

10:30 – Intent vs. impact: spotting blind spots

14:00 – Coaching lens: “Is this behavior serving you?”

17:30 – Whole-self context: listening beyond the work facts

21:00 – Feedback that grows careers (who, what, and why)

24:30 – Discernment: when to hold or reroute the message

28:00 – Listening as leverage (Dale Carnegie in practice)

31:30 – Pause protocol: sleep on it before responding

35:00 – Calibrate with your team—don’t “leave the line”

38:30 – Closing reflections + how to connect

Host Alexa Beavers: linkedin.com/in/alexabeaverspmp

Guest Jenifer Beaudean-White: linkedin.com/in/jeniferbeaudean

Executive Producer Jim Kanichirayil: linkedin.com/in/drjimk

Music Credit: "Lost in Dreams" by Kulakovka

This does not mean that you have to be all, super emotional or, anything like that. Although, I tend to be, I think a little bit on the gushy side, but I just, I'm very open now and I think this is because it's three decades later and I'm able now to say at the same time that I'm being.

Alexa Beavers : Today we're gonna go from cringeworthy communicator to compassionate collaborator. That's the arc of today's conversation with Jenny Bodian. Jenny built her career on flawless execution. She was the one person people trusted to get things done and get 'em done quick, but one brutally honest moment changed everything sitting in her boss's car after a vanilla performance review, she heard the words that no leader ever wants to hear. Her boss said, Jenny, sometimes when you speak I cringe

and if you don't change, it could be career ending. That feedback could have broken her. Instead, it became the catalyst for transformation from being known for results alone, to becoming a leader who communicates with clarity, listens with empathy, and collaborates for impact. If you ever believed that results are enough to carry you forward, Jenny's story is gonna make you think, again,.

Jenny holds a BS from the United States Military Academy at West Point, an MBA from University of Michigan, and an executive coaching certification from Columbia University. She's a published author and coaches formally and informally around effective personal communication, which is why her story today is so interesting.

She lives in Southbury, Connecticut with her husband, cat Finnegan, and Black Lab Oakley. Jenny, welcome to Transformation Unfiltered today. I am so glad you're here.

Jenifer Beaudean : Thank you. Thanks for having me. I'm excited to be here.

Jenifer Beaudean : I was in my first real business position after serving in the Army and. I was working for a marketing firm that was not tiny, but not large either. It was about a hundred employees. And I was doing pro project management at that point. And I had a wonderful boss who I just looked up to so much, and she was a warm, kind person, but also all business.

And I just learned a lot from watching her. And so one day she said to me it was review time. And she said let's go out to lunch. So we had lunch and we talked about the, what's gone really well and, some areas of that need attention and this sort of thing.

I just have to tell you that if you do not learn how to communicate in a more diplomatic and respectful manner it will end your career. And this was a big deal for me. I had always wanted a career. I always wanted to be the woman, walking through the airport in the blue suit with the, with the briefcase and the phone and, running to the next plane to go to the next meeting.

And that is exactly the life I wanted. And to hear that I was derailing myself was definitely, had my head spinning at that moment.

Jenifer Beaudean : I think because I had great success getting the projects executed. We had very complex pieces of business. One of the pieces was with General Motors. We had all five divisions, so lots of politics. It was very intense. And because I was making strides with getting those business objectives accomplished, I it hadn't occurred to me that there was another issue here in the background and.

When she said the word cringe, that's a powerful word. And I don't even know if I've really ever heard it very often since then. And so that was a shocker, meanwhile you're in a moving car. It's not like you can jump out. Yeah. You

Alexa Beavers : can't just

Jenifer Beaudean : jump out and be like, I'm gonna take a sec here.

Alexa Beavers : Yeah. And this woman, you said was a boss you greatly admire. Someone who, you really respected. This was your regular review time and, this was not something unusual to have a review, but the message you received was not something you were expecting. No. In those moments, in, in that particular moment, let's just say you get into the parking lot and you decide what to do next.

Walk me through that.

I went home for the weekend and licked my wounds. I'm quite certain of that. And I think the first question I had coming off of the discussion and coming back into the work week was certainly this can't be true. What if, I, this may just a little denial accident

Alexa Beavers : happening.

Jenifer Beaudean : Yes, exactly.

And one of the first things I thought of was to make the rounds of other senior leaders and do some informational interviewing and see what reaction I got from those individuals without mentioning her and that scenario per se. But what was interesting was that by the time I was done with those eight or so conversations, it was pretty clear that this was a trend and the realization.

Alexa Beavers : So when you think about hearing the words come out of this person's mouth, seems like you were very proud of having the track record of getting projects over the line. Yes. So getting stuff done, and then when she said, Hey, there are moments in meetings and you speak, and I cringe, then went on to say, this could be career ending for you.

How did you get to that place? What do you think led up to that very moment that she was noticing that maybe was a blind spot for you up until then?

Jenifer Beaudean : I think it wasn't disrespectful and that was established when I did my informational interviewing. It wasn't that thank God I, I wasn't cutting people down or, being awful to someone.

And I think what was particularly important about it was that I didn't wanna lose the execution part. It had become my calling card even already in those early days. Throughout my career, one of the things that was a hallmark of my work was the ability to get stuff done. And of course the key though is how you get that stuff done.

Interesting. And I had to now on top of managing business of the complex clients, I had to really start to think about how do I. Undo this and redo this and reinvent myself a little bit.

Jenifer Beaudean : your offer?

Let's see results oriented.

I was the type A of the type A. Yeah that's probably it. And it's so funny 'cause when we were talking the other day, you were talking about the fact that when we knew each other, which was years later I was. Much more gentle in my delivery.

Alexa Beavers : It was never my experience of you. What you're describing now, this overly direct to the point of the what, not the how.

Jenifer Beaudean : Yeah.

Alexa Beavers : So today, how would you describe yourself, let's say instead of results oriented driven type A of type A, you mentioned you gotta, you had to figure out how to do things a little differently. Fast forward to how you describe your approach now.

Like very unlikely that you have to solve a difficult situation. Maybe there's some personalities involved or whatever, that you have to resolve all that in the moment, in many cases. It's better to just take a day or two and tell, and if you can share that with others too. Hey, let's all just take a moment and kind of think this through together and where we need to go next.

So the words that I would use are still driven. It's. Still, I'm still getting the job done. I'm still executing, which is like I said earlier, my calling card. But at the same time it's mu it's a much more gentle execution. I almost ri I almost never lose my temper.

So there were times that I had to figure out with finesse how to deliver the message. To be firm if I needed to be, but at the same time, to deliver that message diplomatically with negotiation skills so that everyone in the room felt like they were coming out of it in a positive way. Much, much more complex skillset than simply like directly delivering a message.

Alexa Beavers : Yeah. It's hard for me to get a picture of how directness, as I experience you talking right now, and this matter of fact, but warm conversation. Can you help me to, if I was a fly on the wall. What were the career ending things that were giving your boss? The cringe moments? What would I have noticed if I had seen you before this reflection?

I directed these clients basically to the center of the conversation to let's get going, let's keep moving, et cetera, et cetera. And I look back and I on that and I think to myself, good grief, I was this young woman. I was so inexperienced. And these are very weathered, very, sophisticated clients who had seen a lot and done a lot in the automotive industry.

So it's all fine and good that you do X and Y, but is that getting you or your team or the organization to where you need to be? And that's the bigger question.

Alexa Beavers : Sure. And what were the costs of doing that? So maybe there was an answer that serves me in this regard, but what were the costs of that particular moment for you?

Jenifer Beaudean : In that particular moment. I do think I did sense a little bit annoy of annoyance in the room and that's something you never want with your clients ever. So that was not. A good moment. I think the other thing that happened too was I developed a reputation within the hundred employees that worked for this marketing firm that people weren't so sure they wanted to work for me.

And it was the current team that I had and that I had led that I think reassured them a little bit. But still it, not the way you wanna start a new project with a new group of people.

Alexa Beavers : Yeah. And people, I think we're at the center of both of these costs. One. You've annoyed some people that you're really there to serve your client.

For sure. For sure. And who knows what's behind those feelings of annoyance. But it could lead to all kinds of outcomes that probably weren't what your intention was. And then also, people don't wanna work with me potentially. Yikes.

Jenifer Beaudean : Yikes. And,

Alexa Beavers : People are part of getting big projects done. So you went, you talked to people.

Sounds like you were licking your wounds and maybe hoping to have people say, what?

Alexa Beavers : You're perfect. No, I appreciate that. Yeah, you're just

Jenifer Beaudean : great the way you are. So

Alexa Beavers : you go to one interview, you get a little bit of data and you're like, oh, that's another person.

No big deal. Go to the next one. Yeah. Tell me how that kind of unfolded. How did the reality start to settle?

Jenifer Beaudean : It was interesting because I think people did trust me in the sense that when I started those conversations and I said I really am here to listen and to hear what you have to say, people believed me.

So I think there was a trust factor. I think people knew that I was as good as my word and. I started to hear, and of course these were, again, more sophisticated and further along in their career professionals who were able to, in their own way be direct and and so forth, but also be kind and and not, cut me to pieces, which I think in other industries, other places it might've been worse.

Alexa Beavers : you willing to receive this information at this point?

Jenifer Beaudean : Maybe my own suspicion that I wasn't so doing so hot. I have a really high level of empathy and picking up on cues, which is really odd for somebody who's really direct. But the two things do seem to live together. And I think by the time I was in the third discussion, I think I was suspecting that this was probably true.

And, and things. I looked back suddenly on family conversations and and whatnot and it all started to settle together and I thought okay. I think I, it's time that I pay attention to what's going on here.

Jenifer Beaudean : Yeah. Yeah. The good one, here's a good one. I had been right around this time, I had been fired from family board games.

Alexa Beavers : Oh, interesting. Fired

Jenifer Beaudean : from

Alexa Beavers : family board games.

Jenifer Beaudean : I, and I'm still not sure if I could get in on one or not.

Alexa Beavers : Okay. I might know someone in my life that might have been fired from family board games too.

So how did that go down? And that's another messy moment. And is it tied to another messy, exact behavior?

Jenifer Beaudean : Yeah. Yeah. My sister in particular, I think we were playing this board game and I just get Uber, competitive and finally everybody was like, that's it. We're done. You're outta here.

I'm glad it was the family

Jenifer Beaudean : I think first the the part about the how, right?

It's not just a matter of getting the work done and executing and and making deadlines and all of that and so forth and performing, but it's really about how, it's the, how you interact with people, how you make them feel, how you make them, how your conduct, what you say. Resonates with them.

This does not mean that you have to be all, super emotional or, anything like that. Although, I tend to be, I think a little bit on the gushy side, but I just, I'm very open now and I think this is because it's three decades later and I'm able now to say at the same time that I'm being.

So that's the first thing I think.

Alexa Beavers : Yeah, the both empathetic. Which I heard empathy and diplomacy there and direct. So the combination of empathy and directness go hand in hand. And a lot of times our minds wanna say if you're too direct, then you have to be completely indirect. And here I'm hearing that there is a certain balance that can be a special sweet spot for you.

And I think no. If they're not ready, they don't wanna hear it. And I can even try, I can even say, I've noticed something. I was wondering if you'd wanna talk about it. And all of a sudden the person disappears and, they don't wanna talk about it. And so there's no sense in beating someone over the head or delivering something that is not, is gonna fall on ears that are not open to hearing it or ready.

That's a big thing is the person really ready to self-evaluate?

Alexa Beavers : Yeah. And it turn, it's interesting. I'm glad that you bring that up because you said meet people where they are, and I'm not necessarily sure that your boss met you where you were in that moment. Do you think she did?

Jenifer Beaudean : Yeah. I think she knew how I ticked.

And sometimes writing the ship is not an immediate thing. It takes a little while. And as we know from from coaching, behavioral change of an adult person is very challenging. I would say it took me the better part of four or five years. Obviously there were some initial wins that kind of got me into a safer space when I communicated, but to learn nuance, to learn negotiation, right where it's not, you only benefiting from the agreement.

Happy for you when you make a step forward. And that always felt great too, while I was with that organization. I would. I would do something morelo, with more diplomacy and, the other senior leader in the room would say that was, nicely done. Oh, and that was it became like a group project a little bit.

Alexa Beavers : I love it. You had your team of leaders. I wanna circle back on a couple things. There's two paths we could take here with the interview, but I may be more, but there's two that I really wanna dig into. Are you okay with that? Oh, sure.

Jenifer Beaudean : Yeah.

Talk to me a little bit about the skills that you bring to the table to meet someone where they are.

Jenifer Beaudean : I think a lot of listening is the first skill and asking the right questions to understand where the person is, as we alluded to. So if the person. Is let's just pick a behavior. They're losing their temper every five minutes and storming out of meetings and all kinds of things like that.

That's not behavior that's gonna help them. And so you might have this burning desire, especially I find if it's someone that I've mentored or coached or whatever, I often do, you have a thick skin

Alexa Beavers : in the game for them.

Jenifer Beaudean : Yes. Yes, exactly. And I often wanna say to them, can I share this with you? So I start with questions that sort of open, see if the door will open.

Alexa Beavers : I love that. I think that you're getting clues all the time. You're listening to their words, you're probably listening to their tone. You're asking them questions.

What does that mean? And then you even ask a question that helps you to test if there's openness, which is, can I share something with you? What happens if somebody's no, what do you do?

Jenifer Beaudean : You let it go. Yeah, he let it go. And I think there's another aspect to this as well, in the sense that sometimes you are not the right person to deliver the feedback.

So it's pretty clear at that point that you are not the person to deliver the feedback. And then it becomes a question of how important is this and is it gonna end their career? And who could you share that with in terms of feedback? Who is gonna be effective in delivering that for that person,

Alexa Beavers : One thing that stands out to me is, you said something about you want to give this feedback you want. And then later you said, for this person, so I think there's something here about who's this feedback for anyway? Is it to make you feel good or is it to really serve that person? And I think that, what I'm hearing from you is there's a lot of non-attachment to how it makes you feel.

It's more about what's good for them. In the best circumstances.

Almost any other professional space in which you find yourself.

Alexa Beavers : Yeah. The second channel I think that I think I'd like to ask you about is, it takes a while to write the ship when it comes to human behavior. Talk to me about your lessons that you gained along the way in the process of staying the course.

What was that like for you as you rebuilt relationships?

Jenifer Beaudean : I think my first and and naive assumption was that this was going to be a quick fix.

Alexa Beavers : Huh.

Jenifer Beaudean : But it wasn't. And it took me the better part of, like I said earlier, four or five years to really right the ship and to to feel confident in my own skills.

So I read books like that and I looked at at anything that would help me form a basis for my own style. How was I gonna handle that? I think you and I talked the other day about a meeting I was in, and this was at a company where diplomacy was extremely important. And I could have never done that job if I hadn't been through this experience.

And so I'm in a corner now. And so I have to be honest with you about. Where the organization is going on this particular matter. And I tried to be as diplomatic as I possibly could and to make it short, so that this would not in any way, berate this person. But it's definitely, it definitely took a lot of work on myself to get to the point where I could handle [00:30:00] that situation.

Alexa Beavers : Yeah, it sounds like you read a lot, you probably tried some things and they might not have felt like they were a comfortable shoe while you were trying the new things. Maybe sitting there listening, what was it like to sit there and listen in meetings where you might have always before been the speaker upper?

What was that like?

Jenifer Beaudean : Yes. And I was always very verbal, so I always wanted to talk and be heard, and you're getting a twinkle in your

Alexa Beavers : eye as you remember those moments.

Jenifer Beaudean : Oh yeah. And I think one of the, one of the really important things about being a good listener is that you're not leaping ahead in your mind to think about what you're gonna say in response to the person.

Alexa Beavers : You gave a great example of how you've taken your directness and your diplomacy into a room. Under high stakes in this company that had this person that really just was pushing and you found a way, to be concise, direct, and respectful. What are some other ways that your skills of diplomacy and directness and listening have propelled you forward in your career today?

You mentioned that this incident, it was 30 years ago, so tell me how this has served you.

Jenifer Beaudean : I think one thing has to do with discernment. I use that word a lot because some things are worth pursuing and thinking about and really pondering and. Coming up with a good solution and some things, it's better to just let them go.

She had a difficult exchange at work big company lot at stake, and, she went on and on about how this person had rubbed her the wrong way and it didn't go well, and she was gonna do, and she was gonna write and she was going to email and all this stuff. So finally after I listened to all this and there was a pause, I said to her, you will do nothing.

You'll do nothing until you have slept on this at least two nights. And you've had a chance to get that emotion right. A little bit under control so that your professional acumen is what's driving your response and not the emotional part. Now you have the

Alexa Beavers : capacity to be discerning.

Jenifer Beaudean : Exactly. Yeah.

I think that's an important ability to be able to pull those two things apart and figure it out. And also too I think. Democracy doesn't work often with teams and you, I've seen it many times and it just, if you have seven people on the team and everyone has to unanimously want something in order to move forward, that's a nice thing to have.

So I think the other thing about communication is in the beginning it's just about you and how you are communicating and listening. Later on it becomes about decision making in teams and. Then leading the team and being able to figure out the complexity of those feelings and the complexity of what they're communicating and so forth.

That's definitely a skill

Alexa Beavers : in a way. This is the story of moving from, it's all about. You as an early career professional wanting to communicate what you had to say 'cause you were direct and good and got stuff done to wait a second, we're moving forward together. And that takes listening and that takes engaging and that takes using discernment.

Jenifer Beaudean : I think that the first thing is. Again, not to repeat, but going back to the discernment idea is I think that's an important skill for those of us who execute in kind of a, a really driving kind of way and being able to say, okay, I'm running for the end zone, but the rest of the group doesn't even know that I've left the.

It's just a blade of grass in the lifetime. And it's a small thing. Realizing the small versus the large things, and then communicating in a way that's always diplomatic, always warm. The more you can genuinely care about people the, I think the better off you are in leadership and diplomacy.

Alexa Beavers : I love it. So calibrating with others as you move forward towards the goal taking perspective. Sometimes the things that seem really big deals today are just a blade of grass in your colleagues words. A blade of grass.

Jenifer Beaudean : Yeah. And

Alexa Beavers : last, the biggest one I think is really care about people.

And I use this sometimes in group coaching because, the best question you can ask with this particular scenario and tool is how do you handle stress in light of what we've talked about with this personality test? And what would you tell the other person in your team to expect and how to work with that when it happens?

Alexa Beavers : What a great thing to ask someone that you work

Jenifer Beaudean : with. Sure. And it's one question, and by the d by the time you're done with the team building, it's been, the conversation's been an hour and 15 minutes. And the reason is I think that people handle that stress in that emotion in a different way, each in a different way.

Alexa Beavers : Beautifully said. I think having meeting that comes right back to meeting them when they are, and that's a true caring moment that can really help someone to grow like this. This boss helped you to,

Jenifer Beaudean : yes.

Alexa Beavers : As people listen to this and say, Hey, I wanna pick Jenny BoDeans brain about having discernment or about slowing down and realizing it doesn't have to be done right now, where can they find you?

Jenifer Beaudean : It's super easy. My coaching email address is Jenny.

So reach out to me by email and let's chat.

Alexa Beavers : Wonderful. Jenny, it's been such a pleasure to have this time with you, and thank you so much for sharing a messy moment because we all have 'em. We just don't all feel brave enough to talk about them, and I think that brings us closer as people and professionals.

So thank you. A couple things that really stood out to me to really are the power of discernment and. Meeting someone where they are, when it's time to share feedback. If your boss hadn't done that for you and met you where you were, and it could have been very different for somebody completely different, you may not have ended up on this podcast today sharing this great advice based on all the years of learning that you've had along the way.

So thank you, Jenny, for spending time helping us to understand how to be discerning and meet people where they are so we can get results and be direct and diplomatic all at once.

Alexa Beavers : Yeah, of course. So if you like this episode of Transformation Unfiltered, I encourage you to subscribe.

You can find us on any podcast platform. Please like this episode, and don't hesitate to listen to more transformation unfiltered from great leaders who have been there, done that, and hit fast forward on their careers.