Shownotes
Introduction
- Topic Introduction [00:53]
Main Topics
- Grief Does Not Disappear, It Evolves [02:13
- The Unexpected Emotions That Come with Change [03:51]
- Living in the Space Between Who You Were and Who You Are Becoming [05:43]
- Noticing the Quiet Growth Within You [07:27]
- Honoring Who You Are Becoming [09:15]
- Closing [11:21]
Additional Resources
Transcripts
00:00
until his passing in January:00:38
My mission is to walk beside you as you navigate grief, honor your healing, and rediscover meaning and purpose in the life that continues. You are not alone. This is the Healing Our Grieving Hearts Podcast.
00:53
Welcome back my friends! Grief is often described as something we move through, as if it has a beginning, a middle, and an end. Many people expect that over time, grief will simply fade away or become something smaller that no longer affects daily life. But if you have lived through deep loss, you know that grief does not disappear. It changes.
01:18
In the early days, grief can feel overwhelming and consuming. It can feel like a constant presence that colors every thought, every memory, and every moment of the day. Then, over time, something begins to shift. It may not happen all at once, and it may not even be something you notice right away, but grief begins to take on a different shape.
01:44
In this episode, we are going to explore “When Grief Changes Shape - Noticing Who You Are Becoming.” We will talk about how this shift can feel confusing, how it can bring both relief and unexpected emotions, and how it quietly reveals who you are becoming. Most importantly, we will talk about how to recognize and honor that transformation without feeling like you are leaving your loved one behind.
02:13
One of the most important things to understand about grief is that it is not something that ends. It is something that evolves alongside you. In the beginning, grief often feels very raw and very present. It can feel like a sharp pain that rises quickly and without warning. It can feel like everything reminds you of what you have lost.
02:36
As time passes, the intensity may soften. You may notice that you can go longer periods without crying, or that you are able to focus on other things for short stretches of time. This does not mean that your grief is gone. It means that it is changing.
02:56
Grief begins to settle into a quieter place within you. It may still be there every day, but it does not always demand your full attention. Instead of feeling like a wave that crashes over you, it may begin to feel like an undercurrent that moves gently beneath the surface of your life.
03:18
This shift can feel comforting, but it can also feel unsettling. You may wonder if something is wrong with you because you are not grieving in the same way you once were. You may question whether you are forgetting your loved one or moving too far away from the life you shared.
03:40
But this is not a sign of forgetting. It is a sign of integration. Your grief is becoming part of who you are, rather than something that feels separate from you.
03:51
As grief changes shape, it often brings with it emotions that can feel surprising or even confusing. Many people expect that as grief softens, it will only bring relief. And while there can certainly be moments of relief, there can also be feelings of guilt, uncertainty, and even fear.
04:14
You may find yourself laughing again, enjoying moments of peace, or feeling a sense of lightness that you have not felt in a long time. And then, almost immediately, you may feel a wave of guilt for experiencing those moments. You may wonder if it is okay to feel joy again.
04:32
You may question whether you are somehow being disloyal to your loved one. These feelings are incredibly common, and they are part of the natural process of grief. I understand that because I felt those feelings as well.
04:48
When your grief begins to soften, it creates space for other emotions to return. And sometimes, those emotions can feel unfamiliar because you have spent so much time in the intensity of loss.
05:03
There can also be a sense of uncertainty about who you are becoming. When you have spent years as a partner, a caregiver, or part of a shared identity, the loss of that role can leave you feeling unanchored. As grief shifts, you may begin to notice parts of yourself that are emerging, but you may not yet feel fully connected to them.
05:28
This in-between space can feel both tender and disorienting. It is a place where the past is still very present, but the future has not yet fully taken shape.
05:43
There is a period in grief that many people do not talk about. It is the space between who you were and who you are becoming. It is not the raw beginning of grief, and it is not yet the place where you feel fully grounded in your new life. It is a quiet, in-between space.
06:02
In this space, you may find yourself reflecting on your past while also feeling a gentle pull toward something new. You may notice that some of your old routines no longer fit, but you may not yet know what will take their place. You may feel moments of clarity followed by moments of confusion.
06:24
This space is not something to rush through. It is a sacred part of the grieving process. It is where transformation begins to take root, even if you cannot yet see what it will become.
06:38
You may begin to notice small changes in yourself. Perhaps you are becoming more reflective, more compassionate, or more aware of what truly matters to you. Perhaps you are setting boundaries in ways you never did before, or allowing yourself to rest without guilt.
06:58
These changes may feel subtle, but they are significant. They are signs that you are not only surviving your loss, but slowly becoming someone new through it.
07:11
It is important to remember that becoming someone new does not mean leaving your loved one behind. It means carrying their love with you in a different way. It means allowing their presence to become part of the foundation of who you are becoming.
07:27
Growth after loss does not always look the way we expect it to. It is not always bold or obvious. Often, it is quiet and gradual. It happens in the small choices you make each day and in the way you begin to relate to yourself and the world around you.
07:50
You may notice that you are more patient with yourself. You may find that you are more present in your daily life, appreciating moments that once felt ordinary. You may begin to trust your intuition in ways you did not before.
08:07
You may also find that your priorities begin to shift. Things that once felt important may no longer hold the same weight, and things that once felt distant may begin to call to you. This is part of the natural reorientation that happens after loss.
08:25
It can be helpful to gently reflect on these changes without judgment. You might ask yourself questions such as: What feels different about me now? What am I learning about myself through this experience? What matters most to me today?
08:43
These reflections are not about forcing answers. They are about creating space to notice what is already unfolding within you.
08:53
As you begin to notice this growth, you may also begin to feel a quiet sense of strength. It may not feel like the kind of strength you once knew, but it is a deeper, more grounded kind of strength. It is the strength that comes from having walked through something difficult and continuing to move forward, one step at a time.
09:15
As grief changes shape and you begin to notice who you are becoming, it is important to honor that process with compassion and patience. There is no timeline for this transformation, and there is no right or wrong way to move through it.
09:31
You may have days when you feel strong and grounded, and days when you feel pulled back into the intensity of your grief. Both of these experiences are valid. Growth does not happen in a straight line. It unfolds in waves, just as grief does.
09:48
Honoring who you are becoming means allowing yourself to evolve without judgment. It means giving yourself permission to experience joy without guilt, to rest without explanation, and to explore new aspects of yourself with curiosity rather than fear.
10:08
It also means staying connected to your loved one in ways that feel meaningful to you. This might be through memories, rituals, or simply carrying their presence in your heart. Your connection to them does not end as you grow. It changes shape, just as your grief does.
10:27
There is a quiet courage in allowing yourself to become someone new after loss. It is not about replacing what was lost. It is about allowing life to continue unfolding within you.
10:40
As you move forward, you may begin to see that grief and growth can exist together. You may still carry moments of sadness, longing, and remembrance, but alongside those moments, you may also begin to experience peace, clarity, and even a sense of purpose.
10:59
This is not a contradiction. It is a reflection of the fullness of your experience.
Grief does not take away your capacity for life. In many ways, it deepens it. It opens your heart in ways that can feel painful, but also in ways that allow for greater connection, compassion, and understanding.
11:21
As you continue on this path, I invite you to gently notice who you are becoming. Not with pressure or expectation, but with curiosity and care. Allow yourself to see the quiet strength within you. Allow yourself to acknowledge the growth that is already taking place.
11:44
You are not the same person you were before your loss, and that is not something to fear. It is something to honor.
11:53
The mission of Healing Our Grieving Hearts is to support women who are navigating life after the loss of a spouse or soulmate, and those who are tenderly companioning their husbands through illness. Through spiritual care, sound and vibration therapies, and reflective practices, I help women find meaning, healing, and renewed purpose.
12:15
For free resources, including tips for coping with grief and rediscovering joy, visit purpose.healingourgrievinghearts.com. You can also connect with me on Facebook at facebook.com/Kay.Fontana.
12:34
Thank you for listening to this episode of the Healing Our Grieving Hearts Podcast. Remember, you are not alone in your grief, and your experiences and emotions are valid. Join me next Saturday at 10 a.m. Arizona time as we continue exploring the human experience and Saying “I Love You” in a New Way.
12:54
Until next time, may you gently embrace the changing shape of your grief, and may you find peace in the beautiful unfolding of who you are becoming.
