Gray divorce after 50 can affect your health, strength, bone density, muscle, and independence. Learn practical ways to rebuild stronger.

When we talk about gray divorce, we usually talk about the house, retirement accounts, Social Security, spousal maintenance, and the fear of beginning again. But we do not talk nearly enough about the body carrying us through it all.

In this solo episode of Doing Divorce Different, Lesa Koski shares why physical strength deserves a place in every woman’s gray divorce plan. Drawing from her own breast cancer recovery, osteopenia diagnosis, menopause journey, and experience with OsteoStrong, Lesa explores how small, sustainable choices can help women care for their bones, preserve muscle, support balance, and protect their independence.

You’ll hear a thoughtful discussion about bone-density screening, strength and weight-bearing exercise, nourishment during stressful seasons, and questions to ask your healthcare provider—especially if you are postmenopausal, have cancer-treatment history, or use a GLP-1 medication such as Ozempic, Wegovy, or Zepbound.

Gray divorce can make the future feel uncertain, but caring for your body is one place where you can begin reclaiming agency. You do not have to transform everything at once. One walk, one nourishing meal, one appointment, or one conversation can become the next strong step in your comeback.

This episode is for educational purposes only and is not medical advice. Consult your physician or another qualified healthcare professional about your personal health, medications, nutrition, exercise, and bone-density screening.

If this episode encourages you, please follow the show, save it for later, and share it with a woman navigating gray divorce, menopause, weight loss, cancer recovery, or another major midlife transition.

Timestamps (approximate):

(00:00) Why physical strength matters during gray divorce

(02:35) Bone loss, osteopenia, and the hidden risk to independence

(05:10) Reclaiming agency through small, healthy choices

(07:45) Lesa’s breast cancer recovery and bone-health wake-up call

(11:05) Lesa and her mother’s personal experience with OsteoStrong

(15:35) Bone-density screening, DEXA scans, and questions for your doctor

(19:10) How divorce stress can disrupt sleep, food, and exercise

(22:30) GLP-1 weight loss, muscle loss, and bone-health conversations

(27:10) Five ways to support strength, mobility, and independence

(33:20) Why nourishment and community belong in your comeback plan

(37:40) Choosing one strong next step after divorce

Key Takeaways:

• Physical strength supports mobility, balance, confidence, and independence during and after gray divorce.
• Bone loss can be silent, so women should ask a qualified healthcare provider whether bone-density screening is appropriate for them.
• Small, repeatable actions—walking, resistance training, nourishing meals, rest, and medical appointments—can restore a sense of agency.
• Women experiencing significant weight loss, including those using GLP-1 medications, should discuss muscle, nutrition, and bone health with their healthcare providers.
• Community is part of strength; supportive groups, friends, faith communities, and wellness spaces can help women feel seen during major transitions.

Guest Bio:

This is a solo episode featuring Lesa Koski, a divorce mediator, divorce coach, attorney, educator, author, breast cancer survivor, and host of Doing Divorce Different. Lesa helps women approach divorce with clarity, dignity, and hope while creating a strong, meaningful life on the other side. Her guiding message is: Midlife is not your crisis—it’s your comeback.

Resource Links:

• Explore OsteoStrong Minnesota through Lesa’s affiliate link: https://osteostrongmn.com/affiliate-referral-koski/
• Learn about Soberlink for divorce and family law through Lesa’s affiliate link: https://www.soberlink.com/divorce/family-law?utm_source=affiliatelink&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=lesa-koski-affiliatelink
• Learn more about Lesa, divorce coaching, mediation, and her community: https://lesakoski.com

Affiliate disclosure: Lesa may receive compensation if you use an affiliate link. This does not increase your cost. OsteoStrong is not medical treatment, and individual experiences vary. Consult an appropriate healthcare professional before beginning a new health or exercise program.

Tags/Keywords:

gray divorce, gray divorce after 50, divorce after 50, women and divorce, bone health for women, bone density after menopause, osteopenia, osteoporosis prevention, strength training after 50, menopause bone health, GLP-1 muscle loss, GLP-1 bone health, Ozempic and bone health, Wegovy and muscle loss, Zepbound and strength training, women over 50 health, midlife comeback, divorce recovery, rebuilding after divorce, healthy aging for women, independence after divorce, Doing Divorce Different, Lesa Koski, divorce coach, divorce mediator, OsteoStrong Minnesota

Welcome back to Doing Divorce Different.

2

I'm really thankful that you're here.

3

And today is gonna be

a little bit different.

4

I wanna talk about something that

we don't discuss nearly enough

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when we talk about divorce, and I

think especially a gray divorce.

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We talk a lot about dividing the

house, we talk about retirement

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accounts, and, and that's all good.

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Social security, spousal maintenance,

and where everyone's gonna live.

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We talk about the emotional pain, the

children Even when those kids are adults.

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And we talk about the fear of

beginning again, but we maybe

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don't talk enough about how the

body carries us through all of it.

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Because if you're going through

divorce in your 50s and 60s or

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beyond, staying strong is- isn't only

about having a positive attitude.

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It's about protecting your muscles,

your balance, your metabolism, and

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protecting your bones, and I honestly

believe this after my journey.

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So the, the bones are so important

because bone loss is often really silent.

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So you can be walking around, working,

exercising, helping your children, lifting

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your grandchildren and doing everything

you've always done without even realizing

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that your bones are becoming weaker.

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You usually can't feel osteopenia,

which is the beginning step.

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You may not even feel osteoporosis.

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Sometimes it's the first sign is a

fracture, and a fracture later in life

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can affect far more than one bone.

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In fact, my grandmother, who I

love dearly, um, really lost her

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life from a bone fracture, um,

from a complication after it.

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So, you know, like, she

broke her wrist, and that is

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ultimately what led to her death.

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So we wanna feel good and be healthy,

and we want to, you know, be able

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to be independent and mobile and

confident to have the ability to

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live that life that you've planned.

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So today we're gonna talk a little bit

about what it means to stay physically

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strong while you're rebuilding your life.

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You know, I rebuilt mine through that

catching cage one-- p- or catching Stage

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1 breast cancer, and I wanna help you

as you're going through this divorce.

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So we're gonna talk about bone health

and a little bit about menopause

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and gray divorce, strength training.

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And something that's become really popular

are those GLP-1 medications for weight

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loss, because so many people are on those.

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I just wanna touch on them a little bit.

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So I wanna be really clear, you

know I'm not a doctor, and this

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episode is not medical advice.

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I am just sharing my experience

and encouraging you to have

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informed conversations with your

physicians and care providers.

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So don't, like, begin or stop medication

because of a podcast, including this one.

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So the first thing I want to talk

about is why your strength matters,

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especially during a gray divorce

because-- and, and just so you know,

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gray divorce is generally a divorce

that's when you're over the age of 50.

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So when a marriage ends during this

season, which is happening more and

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more, you may not only be losing your

spouse, you may be losing the future

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you thought you had planned together.

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So you were maybe thinking you were

gonna retire together and travel together

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and remain in the family home or help

care for g-grandchildren together.

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And so now, you know, things have changed,

and you're asking, "Can I afford my home?

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Will I have enough money for retirement?

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Who will help me if I become sick?"

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And what if I have to maintain

the work in my house by myself?

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Can I really begin again at my age?

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And these are all really valid concerns.

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But I want you to remember something.

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Your age does not disqualify you from

building a strong, meaningful life.

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I talk about this all the time.

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I'm 58 years old, and I feel like I'm

beginning again, um, with my career

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and with how I'm living my life.

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So just remember, you know how

I always say midlife is not

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your crisis, it's your comeback.

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And part of that comeback is taking

care of the body that God gave you.

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So your physical strength matters so

much, and start changing when you're

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going through something hard if you can.

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So because you wanna be able

to carry the groceries, shovel

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the s- shovel the snow in…

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if you're from my part of the world.

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Get up from the floor, lift a

suitcase, carry your grandchildren,

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take care of a garden.

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Here's another one that…

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I mean, I'm a tripper.

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I can roll my ankle at the drop of a hat,

and I'm so thankful that I work out and

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take care of my bone density because I

can catch myself like the best of them.

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I'm like an athlete of

catching myself in a fall.

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So just so you know, that

strength supports independence.

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It helps you becom- ma-maintain

independence in your mind and your body.

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And so I talk about this now because I

had so many major, huge, good life changes

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going through something really hard.

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And so when divorce has made so much of

your life really uncertain, taking care

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of your body gives you one place where

you can begin reclaiming some agency.

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So you can't control every

choice your spouse makes.

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You can't control how quickly

the legal process moves, but

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you can take a walk today.

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You can eat a nourishing meal.

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You can schedule an

appointment with your doctor.

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You can lift a weight.

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And you can learn about your bone health.

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It's that silent thing that I think

women need to learn about, especially

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because that dear Grandma Rose of

mine ultimately ended up passing away.

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Um, I don't want that for

anyone in our lives, any women,

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any strong, beautiful women.

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So These little things may look like

small things, like taking a little walk.

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Like, I try to do a

10-minute walk after I eat.

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It's amazing how many steps you

can get in a day if you do that.

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So these little small micro steps,

those small actions, are how

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we're becoming stronger again.

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It doesn't take huge ones.

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So you know my wake-up

call about bone health.

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It, it, it was big during, um,

the cancer treatment, because

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I knew that can affect it.

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But even before that, I had

been diagnosed pretty young.

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Um, I did a DEXA scan, and I was diagnosed

with osteopenia, which seemed odd to me.

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Um, I must have been

in my early 50s or 40s.

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And then I went in for another scan

after going through radiation and

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chemo, and I was almost to osteoporosis.

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So then I was like, "How am I

going to increase my bone density?"

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Because, you know, little kids increase

it by jumping hard and doing…

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You know, getting a lot of

impact, and that impact helps.

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But what I've learned is that you

need to do something safe that's

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gonna kinda have the same result

that isn't gonna injure your body.

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So After my breast cancer, I became much

more aware of the importance of my bones.

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And menopause can accelerate bone loss,

and some breast cancer treatments,

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as I said, can create concern.

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So even just going through

menopause can cause this.

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So when I learned that I had osteopenia,

which just means that your bone density is

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below normal but isn't quite to the level

of osteoporosis, it was a wake-up call.

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And I…

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You know me.

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I white-knuckled it.

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I was active.

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I exercise.

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I lifted weights.

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I thought I was doing many of the right

things, but like I said, bone loss is

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quiet, and you can look really healthy

and, and feel healthy while changes are

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happening that you don't even know about.

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So my mom had bone den-

density concerns, too.

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So she's in her early 80s, and she is…

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She was just at the beginning

stages of osteoporosis.

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So I was like, "Okay, we're

gonna figure this out together."

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And we started something

called OsteoStrong.

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And I'm gonna have a

link in the show notes.

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If you're in Minnesota, there's some

OsteoStrongs that you can, can join.

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But I love that it gave something

for us to do together that could

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help, possibly help our bone density.

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I wasn't positive, and

but I wanted to see.

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So the sessions are really brief.

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There's four machines, and

we worked with coaches.

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And, and it's funny 'cause you

kinda become part of the community.

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You get to know the women that you're

with, and you're connecting, which is

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another really important thing to me.

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So OsteoStrong fed not only my

bones, but, and my mom, too,

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getting her out and going there and,

and meeting with other w- women.

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But you were on these machines, or are,

and I still am doing it, that, um, kinda

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replicate the, like, the, the really heavy

lifting or the bouncing kid in a safe way.

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So it's really quick.

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You hold it for, like, three to

five seconds as hard as you can.

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That's it.

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So it's not like…

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It's not a hard thing to do, and it

has a lot of great, great results.

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So I noticed that I felt stronger,

and I noticed that when I stepped

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away from it- Like I'd go on a little

jog and my knee would hurt, and I was

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like, "Oh, I need OsteoStrong so that

I can work out as hard as I like to."

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Uh, my mom would notice,

like she was just stronger.

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Like she could…

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She was surprised she could

open things, open jars easier.

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Um, so we did have follow-up scans,

and I know this is our own personal

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experience and it's not a promise

that every person will have the

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same result, but we both reversed.

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And my osteopenia moved down

further away from osteoporosis.

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My mom came out of osteoporosis

and was back into osteopenia.

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I saw a good friend of mine who reversed

hers and got out of osteoporosis.

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So as I sit around OsteoStrong

and talk to the ladies, I mean,

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it can take a couple years, but

people are having great results.

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And when I went in, I was just

like, "If I can even just keep it

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the same," I wasn't even concerned

about reversing it, but I am actually

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building bone when I go, go there.

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So OsteoStrong is not the only

way to work on bone health.

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And, you know, talk to

your doctor about it.

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Tell them about OsteoStrong and get

screening so you can do, um You can do

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the DEXA scan or there are some other

cool scans that you can do too with

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like a ultrasound that work really well.

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So some doctors want you

to go on medications.

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I just say look at them really close

because I know there was one that would

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strengthen the outside of the bone,

but the inside was really brittle.

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They were still breaking, um, and it

just looked like the bone was stronger.

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So just, um, there's lots of things

you can do and do your resistance

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training and weight-bearing exercise,

which means taking a walk if you can.

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So for me, it just became one piece

of a much bigger plan to remain

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strong and be in communities.

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So do you know your bone density?

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I mean, if you're like in your 40s

or 50s, a lot of women know their

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cholesterol, their blood pressure,

and their weight, but they've never

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asked about their bone density.

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So current screening guidance recommends

that you get screened at 65 and older.

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Post-menopausal women under 65 may also

get screened when they have high risk.

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Now, I don't think I had high risk

and for some reason I think I was

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seeing a functional assessment doctor.

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I did, um, go get a scan and

I don't have it in my family.

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So, and these are things that matter.

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There is like there's more risk if

you have a family history, if you

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have low body weight, if you've

smoked, heavy alcohol use, previous

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fractures, and certain other health

conditions or medications that affect

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your bones like cancer treatment

can change that conversation.

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And, um, if you don't know where

you stand, ask your provider,

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"Should I get a bone density test?"

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And a DEXA scan is the

standard, which I said.

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It's, it's, um, the one,

um, that most doctors use.

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Some facilities in OsteoStrong every

once in a while will have someone come

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in with this new technology called REMS

ultrasound, and it just takes a really

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good look at all of your bone health.

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So you don't have to become an

expert in every testing method.

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Just start by asking

the question about it.

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Do I need to get screened

and which test would be good?

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Because you know how that

information gives you choices.

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And here's the thing.

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When you're going through divorce,

gathering good information before a

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crisis occurs is one of the most loving

things you can do for your future self.

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And sometimes when you're going

through something that you don't have

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a lot of control over, taking care of

something that you do can be helpful.

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So- We know that divorce, stress, and

going through other hard transitions,

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it affects how we care for ourselves.

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I know this.

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And it can make, like, basic

self-care difficult because,

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like, you may not sleep well.

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You may skip meals or just

eat whatever's easiest.

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You may drink more than you

used to to try to calm down.

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You may stop exercising because you're so

tired and your head is spinning, or you

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might exercise too much because staying

busy helps you with what you're feeling.

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So stress can also make it

hard to absorb new information.

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Your brain gets so focused on surviving

the next conversation, like the

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legal bill or the mediation, that

long-term health feels like something

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you can handle later But your body

is carrying you through this divorce.

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It's carrying you, and it

deserves to be part of the plan.

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And if you're spinning out, you know

I always say stillness and surrender.

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Start thinking about

self-care when you can.

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Maybe now it's just

gonna be a little walk.

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So this isn't about judging yourself

because you're not doing it.

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It's another thing that you can do

to lovingly take care of yourself.

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So it's not another list of things

you're doing wrong, because the

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last thing you need is more shame.

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So it means that it's one way

I can support my body today.

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Maybe taking a 10-minute walk.

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Maybe eating a high-protein meal.

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Maybe scheduling an appointment for

yourself or going to bed instead of

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responding or looking at your emails.

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Maybe it's asking a friend to go

to an exercise class with you,

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because when we're in survival

mode, small and consistent is better

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than dramatic and unsustainable.

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I think small and

consistent is always better.

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You can make those

little changes as you go.

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So another thing I need to jump in

and talk about, because so many women

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I know are on the GLP-1 medications,

and I wanna talk about that in regards

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to bone loss because I know it's been

like a saving grace to so many women.

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And these are those like

Ozempic, Wegovy, Zepbound.

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I mean, those are some

of the names of them.

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And they can really…

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These medicines can provide significant

health benefits for appropriate patients

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and, you know, they are improving blood

sugar control, they're reducing weight,

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and they're lowering certain health risks.

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I had not heard anything

bad about them ever.

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But I think there's one thing that

we need to just make sure of, and

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that's any time you're losing weight,

we wanna look at a complete picture.

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So when people lose a substantial amount

of weight, whether through medication,

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surgery, or reducing their calories, they

don't necessarily only lose body fat.

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They may also lose or do

lose muscle and some bone.

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So the research that is specifically

examining GLP-1 medications and bone

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health, it's still in the works, so

the results aren't entirely consistent.

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But some studies have found

there's a little harmful effect

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on bone density or fracture risk.

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So other studies have found reductions

in bone density at important

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locations, particularly when GLP-1

treatment produces significant

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weight loss without enough exercise.

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So just remember, if you're on

that GLP Maybe go to OsteoStrong,

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um, to do that one time a week or

every other week to keep that bone

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density healthy, um, because…

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Or, or go f- get some exercise.

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Don't take it without doing those other

healthy things because, you know, I think

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we think of it as, like, an easy answer

and it- It's a helpful tool, but you still

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have to do the other things that we've

always known are healthy, high protein,

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strength training, getting those walks in.

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So just if you're on

a GLP-1, do not panic.

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They're great, and so

many people love them.

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Just ask yourself, "Am I

losing weight really rapidly?

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Am I eating enough protein?"

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Because, you know, if you're

not hungry, you might not be.

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"Am I maintaining my muscle?

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Am I working out and lifting weights?

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Do I have personal risk

factors for osteoporosis?

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Do you know someone in

your family who's had it?"

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Maybe just get a baseline bone density

test when, when you start taking it,

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and then find out from your doctor

when that test should be, um, repeated.

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Because the concern may not be

that the medication directly

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destroys everyone's bones.

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The concern is that significant weight

loss, especially without enough nutrition

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and strength-building activity, can

reduce muscle and bone in someone who's

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already vulnerable, and that vulnerability

matters for women in midlife because

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menopause already changes our bone health.

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So if you're over 50, post-menopausal,

have osteopenia, take medications that

293

affect bones, have a history of an

eating disorder, or have experienced

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cancer treatment, this deserves a

real conversation with your physician.

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Not fear, not social media

rumors, a thoughtful conversation

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based on your health history.

297

So you're, you're kind of asking,

"What should I actually do?"

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So if you are just w- in the midst

of blowup in a really hard situation,

299

and you just are finding out about

divorce or going through really hard, I

300

recommend just sometimes y- I surrender

it to God, and I feel it, and I move

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my body 'cause that's all I can do.

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If you're getting to the point where

you want to plan, you're kinda coming

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out of it, this is kinda like…

304

Your starting point would be I

would ask your doctor whether you

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need screening for bone density.

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Learn your T-score with- from that

DEXA scan, and ask what it means.

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See if your bones are

getting a little bit weaker.

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And if you're taking that GLP-1

medication, ask whether…

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Ask your doctor, "Is my

weight loss too fast?"

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Or think about it yourself,

"Am I getting enough protein?

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Am I increasing my muscle?

312

Should my bone health be monitored?"

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So just get that test, because you can't

make an informed plan if you don't know.

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So the second thing is to protect your

muscle, and we all know that, right?

315

That's the talk of the

town all the time now.

316

Mus- But here's the thing, that

muscle does help support your bones,

317

your balance, your metabolism, your

mobility, and your independence.

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So I keep working on it.

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I don't look like a bodybuilder,

but I'm, I'm lifting two to three

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times a week full body because I, it

reduces the consequences of a fall.

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Um, like, you know, you don't

have to become a bodybuilder.

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I wish I could look like a bodybuilder,

but I think that would take, you

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know, maybe some treatments of

other medications or something.

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But just begin with a

little resistance training.

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I remember after I went through

my cancer journey and my

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surgery, guys, I had to start…

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First I had to do, like,

I think I had to do

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I almost wanna say three weeks lifting

nothing, just moving the muscle, then

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three weeks with like a soup can.

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I had to just go through and slowly.

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But I make it enjoyable.

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I watch my Heartland

show and lift weights.

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Um, and I go to group classes now, too.

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So, if you haven't exercised recently

or if you have osteoporosis or

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joint problems or balance concerns,

ask your doctor what's safe.

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You know, if walking hurts, learn

what other things you can do, um,

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because there are other things.

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So here's number three.

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Use your body against gravity.

340

If you can, walking is great,

and you know it's great for your

341

mood and your heart and all that.

342

So weight-bearing activities and

resistance exercises, so that's

343

lifting some kind of weight that isn't

gonna hurt you if you're hurting.

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So it, it just depends on your health.

345

It, it's walking, it's stair climbing,

it's dancing, it's tennis, it's

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strength training or other activities

where your bones and muscles work.

347

Uh, balance training matters, too, and

yoga, tai chi are specific exercises.

348

But I mean, you can lift your leg up and

stand and practice your, your balance.

349

You don't have to go to a yoga class.

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So choose what's safe for your

body because more isn't always

351

better, which was another thing I

learned on my little cancer journey.

352

More is not always better.

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Here's the fourth thing.

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Nourish yourself, and that's hard

when you're going through a hard time.

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You don't wanna think

about what you're eating.

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You just either aren't hungry or

you're grabbing whatever is easier.

357

So- I know during divorce, sometimes un-

women undereat because of the stress.

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Others live on snack foods because

cooking is, like, sad and exhausting.

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And if you're going through this and

you're also on a GLP-1 medication,

360

your appetite is gonna be even

smaller, so nutriti- nutrition's

361

even more important 'cause you're

not gonna be thinking about it.

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And your body still needs protein

and calcium and vitamin D and,

363

and just overall nourishment.

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So I'm not gonna give you one universal

dose because your needs depend on

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your age, your diet, your health, your

medication, and your lab results, right?

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So ask your physician or your

functional assessment doctor or your

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dietician what's appropriate for you.

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And so, you know, I always try

to remember too that eating less

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is not the same as eating well.

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I think I ate less for so many

years, and now I work to eat well.

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So your goal-- my goal has changed.

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It's not to become smaller.

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It's to become stronger.

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Number five, find your community, and

this one matters so much during divorce.

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It mattered to me during cancer.

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Um, my community was a

group of prayer warriors.

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I want you to know I have a community.

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You can go to lisakoski.com.

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I have to talk about this.

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We meet every Wednesday, noon

CST time, Central Standard Time,

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and we meet for about an hour.

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I have a lesson that is either

on just the basics of divorce.

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That's usually, like, 20 minutes,

a video that we all watch together.

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And then w- I am there to talk you

through any questions that you have,

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and it is a positive place where

we work also on our mindset and

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feeling better through hard times.

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So we know, and I learned, that

strength grows in community.

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So, and, and you know what?

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Maybe your community's a gym, a

walking group, or a yoga class.

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I have that, too.

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Or OsteoStrong, a church, or

good friends who check in on you.

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So, and I already said this, that one

of the things I love about OsteoStrong

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is that when I go with my mom,

it's not just about the equipment.

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We sit and chit-chat with other

women, and it's wonderful.

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So it's nice when people know

your name and you're coached by

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encouraging people So, and you know,

you're with like-minded people who

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are investing in themselves too.

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So when your marriage is ending,

you may feel as if your community

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is changing a little bit too,

because couple of friendships kinda

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can feel weird and awkward, and

family relationships can shift.

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Weekends feel quiet maybe.

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So joining healthy communities gives you

somewhere to go, and someone who sees

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you, sees you when you walk in the door.

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That's always good for your … It's

not just good for your bones,

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it's good for your heart.

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It's good for you and your health.

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So strength is more than a number.

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I want to end by reminding you that

strength's not just a number on the scale.

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It's not the size of your jeans.

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It's not how you, how long, how young you

look, and it's not pretending that divorce

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doesn't hurt or that something isn't hard.

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Strength is telling the truth about

where you are and asking for help,

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and it's learning about your finances

even when money frightens you.

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It's setting a boundary

without being cruel.

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It's going for a walk

rather than laying in bed.

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Scheduling that bone density

test or your labs or something.

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So gray divorce can make you feel as

if the strongest years of your life

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are behind you, and I want you to know

I wholeheartedly do not believe that.

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You may have spent decades caring for

a spouse, raising your kids, and making

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your home beautiful or just putting

everyone else's needs ahead of your own.

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I get it.

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I did it This season can be an invitation.

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Begin caring for yourself with the same

devotion you have offered everyone else.

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Take care of yourself like you

would your kid or your best friend.

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You do not have to completely

transform your life this week, right?

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You're gonna choose one strong s- step.

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You're gonna feel good about it.

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Eat the protein, lift the weights,

take a walk, talk to a friend,

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and if you're taking a GLP-1, talk

with your healthcare provider about

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protecting your muscle and bone.

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Don't let fear make decisions for you.

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Let good information

help you make a wise one.

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Sit with it, talk to God about it, pray

about it, because your future is not

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only about getting through the divorce,

it's about creating a life on the other

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side, a healthy, strong, confident

life where you can enjoy your comeback.

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So I just wanna thank you for spending

this time with me today, and if

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this episode made you think of a

woman who is navigating divorce,

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menopause, weight loss, any other hard

transition, please share it with her.

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And if you would like to learn more about

my personal experience with OsteoStrong,

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I'm including my affili- affiliate link in

the show notes, and if you use that link,

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you can check into OsteoStrong yourself.

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Remember, it's not medical

treatment, but it's worked for me.

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So as always, take care what serves you.

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Take care, use what serves you.

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Talk with the appropriate professionals,

and take the next right step.

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You are stronger than you think,

and I'll see you next time

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on Doing Divorce Different.