The holiday season can feel intense for many mums. The plans, the expectations, the drop-ins, the comments. It stacks up fast and makes it hard to tune into what you actually need.

In this episode, Dr Renee White breaks down why setting boundaries can feel challenging in early motherhood and why guilt often shows up the moment you try to protect your time or space. She offers simple, supportive language that helps mums communicate their needs without feeling overwhelmed.

These insights are practical, calm and designed to help you move through the season without feeling stretched thin.

You’ll hear about:

• Gentle phrases to end visits or step away when you’ve reached your limit
• A calm one-sentence response to handle unwanted advice
• How to step away when things feel too busy or too loud
• Ways to protect your energy during busy seasons
• Permission to choose what feels manageable for you and your baby

What matters most is remembering that your needs count too. You’re allowed to set limits. You’re allowed to rest. And you don’t need to justify decisions that support your wellbeing.

Resources and Links

📲 Connect with Renee on Instagram: @fillyourcup_

🌐 Learn more about Dr Renee White and explore Fill Your Cup Doula services

🍪 Treat yourself with our Chocolate + Goji lactation cookies

This episode is proudly brought to you by Fill Your Cup. Head to our website to learn more about our birth and postpartum doula offerings.

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Disclaimer: The information on this podcast presented by Fill Your Cup is not a substitute for independent professional advice.

Nothing contained in this podcast is intended to be used as medical advice and it is not intended to be used to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease, nor should it be used for therapeutic purposes or as a substitute for your own health professional's advice.

[00:00:30] Dr Renee White: Hello and welcome to episode 203. This is The Science of Motherhood. I'm your host, Dr. Renee White, and in today's episode, we are tackling how to protect your peace and set healthy boundaries during the holiday season as a new or expecting parent.

[00:01:19] Dr Renee White: If you are preparing for your first holiday season with a baby or bracing yourself for another one, and you're feeling that familiar mix of excitement and absolute dread. This episode is for you. Now, today I'm walking you through some practical, kind, but firm strategies for protecting your boundaries This silly season.

[00:02:11] Dr Renee White: Now this episode is proudly supported by Fill Your Cup, Australia's first doula village. If you are pregnant, congratulations. If you have a new Bubbie. Oh, congratulations. How beautiful. We have birth and postpartum doulas ready to look after you, nurture you, nourish you all across Melbourne, Geelong, Sydney, Newcastle, Brisbane, gold Coast, Hobart, and Perth. Alright, let's dive into today's episode.

[00:03:08] Dr Renee White: Now your baby being passed around like a parcel. Someone commenting on how you're feeding, how you're dressing them, whether they're sleeping enough, are they a good baby? And through it all, you're just trying to find a moment to breathe. I have been there. I get it. I really do. And here's what I want you to know right from the start.

[00:04:00] Dr Renee White: And let's be honest, everyone wants a turn, aunts, uncles, cousins, family, friends you haven't seen in years, and they all mean well. Okay, let's, let's be honest, we're not gonna throw them all under the bus, but you know what? If you are not comfortable, that's reason enough to say no. Again, another permission slip to you.

[00:04:43] Dr Renee White: You're being a mum and that's exactly what you should be. Now, one of my favorite things about baby wearing is that it also sends a really clear message without you having to say a word, like your baby is literally attached to you. It's the perfect and polite shield. I love it. Okay, strategy number two, handling unsolicited advice.

[00:05:31] Dr Renee White: Yeah, we know that person. Look, let's be honest, they usually mean well, they're coming from a place of love, but that doesn't make it any less exhausting when you're on your third lecture about sleep training at the Christmas dinner table. Okay, so here is my go-to phrase and I want you to practice saying it in the mirror.

[00:06:18] Dr Renee White: You don't need to feel pressured to justify yourself and get drawn into an argument about whether breast is best or what your baby should, you know, be going to bed at what time. All you need to say is, thanks for sharing. I'll keep that in mind and then change the subject. Excuse yourself to check on the baby, or simply smile and walk away. You're allowed to do all of that okay.

[00:07:07] Dr Renee White: Can really transform your experience. First, designate a specific visiting area in your home. Keep the action in your living areas and make bedrooms completely off limits. Now your bedroom, baby's nursery, these are sanctuary spaces. They're not part of the tour. They're not available for just peeking in to see where the baby sleeps when you keep visits contained to one or two rooms.

[00:07:59] Dr Renee White: Schedule visits between feedings when possible. This gives you a natural start and end time for visits. So like you could say things like, we'd love to see you between two and four, that's right after baby's feed and before the next feeding or, you know, plan shorter visits initially. You can always extend them if you have the energy.

[00:08:42] Dr Renee White: Now, I know this might sound quite extreme, but for those relatives who you're less comfortable with, or for anyone who's recently been unwell, meeting outside or at the door is a legitimate option. Now you're protecting your baby's health and really no apologies needed okay. I would also recommend like a visitor calendar.

[00:09:26] Dr Renee White: The fourth strategy is the art of the graceful exit. I love this. Now let's talk about something that makes so many new mums anxious. How to end a visit when you've reached your limit, because you will, you will reach your limit. Your body will start sending you signals, fatigue, overwhelm. That touched out feeling.

[00:10:13] Dr Renee White: Now this one is perfect because it's honest and it's about your needs, which are just as important as babies. You're not making excuses, you're listening to your body, which is exactly what you should be doing in those early months.

[00:10:49] Dr Renee White: I really need to start winding down. Now, I love this one because it's vulnerable and honest. It acknowledges that you're still adjusting, which is completely normal, and it gives you permission to end the visit on your terms. Now, the key with all of these is to say them warmly, but firmly. You're not asking permission.

[00:11:35] Dr Renee White: Strategy number two. Here's your holiday mantra, and I want you to say it with me. No is a complete sentence. You don't have to attend every gathering. You don't have to host if you don't want to. You don't have to stay for the entire event. You don't have to bring a plate if you're exhausted.

[00:12:24] Dr Renee White: Now before we wrap up, I wanna tell you about a free resource we've created that's going to make all of this so much easier. It's called the Holiday Baby Boundary Letter Template, and you can download it right now from our website under the resources section, www.ifillyourcup.com and you can see in the banner, resources. That's where you'll find the template.

[00:13:08] Dr Renee White: It helps you clarify your expectations around baby's care, like no kissing, minimal handling, respecting baby's comfort. Gives yourself permission to say no or cancel plans without guilt. Communicates your needs for flexibility around gatherings and overall, I really think it strengthens relationships by helping loved ones understand your perspective.

[00:13:51] Dr Renee White: So let's bring this all together. The holidays can be as calm as they are chaotic, and I know that sounds simplistic, but it's true. By setting clear boundaries, embracing your instincts, and letting go of guilt, you can create a season that feels as magical as it's supposed to be. Not just for everyone else, but for you too. So keep your baby close.

[00:14:31] Dr Renee White: Take a deep breath. Mama, you have got this. I am cheering you on every step of the way. And remember, if you need some extra support this season or really any season, fill your cap. Doulas are here for you and we are across all of Australia. Thank you so much for listening to the Science of Motherhood. If this episode resonated with you, please share it with another parent who needs to hear it, and don't forget to grab that free holiday boundary letter template from our website. Alright, see you next episode.

[00:15:28] Dr Renee White: Head to our website I fill your cup.com to learn more about our birth and postpartum doula offerings where every mother we pledge to be the steady hand that guides you back to yourself. Ensuring you feel nurtured, informed, and empowered so you can fully embrace the joy of motherhood with confidence. Until next time, bye.